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Author Topic: I hate that which you love: movie reviews  (Read 9196 times)
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coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #480 on: 01-27-2008 01:37 »

One-Sentence Reviews

The Descent

Exactly the same as The Cave and The Cavern, but marginally better than both because this one has a pickaxe-through-the-neck scene.


Space Adventure Cobra

Rollicking 80s sci-fi anime for those who enjoy a multitude of tried-and-true Star Wars-type cliches and nude women with stars where their nipples should be.


A Sound of Thunder

Ray Bradbury's classic short story about time-travel has become a cautionary tale on the evils of illogical plot, scientific inaccuracy, and special effects worthy of a cable-TV disaster movie.


Pale Rider

Clint Eastwood tries and fails to recreate his Spaghetti Western glory days - just rent Fistful of Dollars.


End of Evangelion

What you suggest emo kids watch if you want to amuse yourself by making them kill themselves.


The Mothman Prophecies

Spooky, atmospheric, thought-provoking, and based on an exaggerated book about a true story which was completely nothing at all like the book or the movie.


Pitt Clemens

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #481 on: 01-27-2008 02:03 »

Cloverfield

A giant monster is attacking New York City.  The army is fighting it with ingenuative techniques, convincing performances and cool pyrotechnics.  Undaunted: the monster is sending off wave after wave of trite cliches, over-reaching narrative, Jerkycam and obvious CGI.  As yet, it is undetermined how many of the helpless civilians are actually buying it.

C+
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #482 on: 01-27-2008 03:54 »

Cloverfield amendum:

5 hours and two lots of painkillers later, my head is still sore. Damn that camera. Damn it to hell.
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #483 on: 01-27-2008 11:43 »
« Last Edit on: 01-27-2008 11:43 »

Meh, i thought it may've affected me when i was about 5 minutes in, but about 15 minutes later i'd forgotten about it and i was fine!

EDIT: There's talks of a possible sequel. The scene on the brooklyn bridge, HUD films someone else with a camera doing the same as him, and if they do do a sequel, it'll likely to be from that dudes POV.

ALSO, is the bridge Will Smith camps next to in I Am Legend the Brooklyn Bridge too?
Ben

Space Pope
****
« Reply #484 on: 01-27-2008 17:21 »

Film-makers hate the Brooklyn Bridge.
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #485 on: 01-27-2008 21:26 »

Darren Hanlon likes it...
Books

Near Death Star Inhabitant
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #486 on: 01-27-2008 22:00 »
« Last Edit on: 01-27-2008 22:00 »

Jesus Christ...Meet the Spartans is number #1 in the box office. I should stand outside movie theaters and punch whoever sees that right in the face. This is so bitterly dissipointing...I think I'll go cry a bit.
 http://www.rottentomatoes.com/

Edit: ahahaha...a comment I read on RT: Idiocracy is officially starting to come true. Bring on the Brawndo.

America proves its intellectual superiority yet again...you fucks. You people are the epitome of every single thing I hate about American culture.
BirthdayClown

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #487 on: 01-27-2008 22:17 »

Isn't Canada included in those figures?....
Books

Near Death Star Inhabitant
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #488 on: 01-27-2008 22:22 »

That is completely besides the point.
i_c_weiner

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #489 on: 01-27-2008 23:25 »
« Last Edit on: 01-27-2008 23:25 »

Wow. Coupled with Rambo being right after it at #2, that is the saddest thing I have ever seen. This is somebody from the RT Forums' response:
 
Quote
Looks like I lost that suicide bet I made. Excuse me while I gladly go and blow my head off. See you soon, Heath!
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #490 on: 01-27-2008 23:58 »

It's not like anything else on that list is a real winner, either.
SonicPanther

Professor
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« Reply #491 on: 01-28-2008 00:40 »

I think I felt a brain cell die just knowing that I live among people who probably enjoyed Meet The Spartans...
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #492 on: 01-28-2008 01:43 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by coldangel_1:
The Mothman Prophecies

Spooky, atmospheric, thought-provoking, and based on an exaggerated book about a true story which was completely nothing at all like the book or the movie.

And filmed partly at Carnegie Mellon, my Alma step-Mater!

 
Quote
Originally posted by Ben:
Film-makers hate the Brooklyn Bridge.

Everybody hates the Brooklyn Bridge.  It's only natural for filmmakers to destroy it.  Also skyscrapers and fruit carts.
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #493 on: 01-28-2008 19:31 »
« Last Edit on: 01-28-2008 19:31 »

King Of King: Fistful Of Quarters
A good little documentary, I was happy for the guy at the end, but
  frown

B+

Hitman

Didn't really have high expectations for this, Timothy "My old gaffer will never believe it!" Olyphant was ok as 47, a few details were off, like the fact that he's supposed to be a clone and there was a black version of him, wtf?   no no
The rest of the main cast were ok with what they had to work with, but the little references to the game made up for the stupid soldier outfits and wonky plot, and Olga was pretty hot.
*installs Blood Money*

C
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #494 on: 01-28-2008 19:37 »

Superbad

I'm a bit late. I thought it was very funny, and kinda nice. Michael Cera is god. Loved the cops. Ending was good. Lolz at Michael Cera's buddy from that Internet show being at the party.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #495 on: 01-29-2008 02:27 »
« Last Edit on: 01-29-2008 02:27 »

Juno

Heh. This is good fun. Michael Cera is officially the awesomest dorky kid on screen ever. Actually, that's one thing I really appreciate about the film: the kids act like kids. They talk like kids. They have petty little kid arguments that mean a lot more to them at the time than they should. And they just... I dunno. Just feels like a few people I know. So props to the two leads for seeming real enough as young folk, and yet still being tolerable enough that I was able to put aside my seething hatred for all children for a couple of hours, and actually be sort of charmed by them. It's just a good feeling when the actors actually look and act the age they're supposed to be.

It's also funny. The eponymous Juno is a smart-mouthed little brat, and despite moments of voracious bitchdom, never became completely intolerable for me. The various side character all charmed or amused in equal measures, with the exception of Juno's best friend, who came off as a little flat.

It's a sweet story, with enough profanity and cringe-worthy dialogue to avoid becoming too saccharine. And Jason Bateman managed to come on to a high-school girl without appearing too creepy! Amazing!

It's hard to describe just what's so good about this film. It's just good. Good good good. Go watch it.

9/10
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #496 on: 01-29-2008 17:44 »

Oh I forgot, The Nines
Divided into 3 sections, the first being pretty funny about an actor in rehab, 2nd shot in reality TV style about a TV show creator trying to get his show going, and the 3rd about a guy who has to rescue his family after his car battery dies in the middle of nowhere and sort of turns nasty.
All the guys are Ryan Reynolds and weird shit happens that links them all together for the ending.
It was ok I guess, I thought it was going to be all comedy, but it's not, bit of a weird mishmash.
B-
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #497 on: 02-01-2008 18:07 »

Bump for teh Cloverfield
First of all:

Motion sickness, even worse than a Michael Fucking Bay movie, but z0mg it's a giant beat the shit of a whole city MONSTA!!
I liked it, the bit where the military is firing all kinds of hell at Clumsy Cletus was just a great spectacle, loud and stuff (ow my freakin ears), I thought it was awesome.

My friend beside me couldn't look at it he felt so sick, I was shaking it off a bit too but I still liked it.

A
LayZ341

Professor
*
« Reply #498 on: 02-02-2008 14:36 »
« Last Edit on: 02-03-2008 00:00 »

The Eye

Its basically "Final Destination/The Six Sense" with a blind hottie instead of some cute little boy or teenagers. The movie was ok I guess, but the sporadic images of death is what kept me awake.


C+ Gets a little boost because of Jessica Alba.    love
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #499 on: 02-03-2008 02:41 »

Juno

So not in the mood for a long review. It was really nice. I like Ellen Page, i think was really good in this. The film sort of reminded me of Garden state in the sense that it had a lot of one scene characters, like the chick outside the women now place. It was a good film. See it.

A
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #500 on: 02-03-2008 15:30 »
« Last Edit on: 02-03-2008 15:30 »

Cloverfield

Fan-flipping-tastic.  I agree with Ben and Fazes reviews.  It took me a a few minutes to shake off the shakeycam, but once it kicked in, I thought it was excellent popcorn fodder.  Great monster, excellent premise, and a cast who are seemingly dispatched indiscriminately. 

Artistic/dramatic licence allows us to believe that the guy will go back for his girlfriend (it's a movie!) instead of getting as far away as possible, and I was along for the jerky ride.

Short running-time too, and thank god!  It's snappy, punchy and really well-paced.  Thinking aside from the massive viral-marketing campaign that would allow you believe you're seeing the best movie ever, then you're always going to be disappointed.  If you expect a throwaway monster movie, albeit one shot from a relatively unique perspective, then you're gonna be fine.

I loved it.  Despite Rob reminding me of Pitt Clemens for the entire movie, and me picking out familiar areas of New York like 59th/Columbus Circle, and the bridge under Central Park.

8/10
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #501 on: 02-03-2008 15:49 »

 
Quote
Thinking aside from the massive viral-marketing campaign that would allow you believe you're seeing the best movie ever, then you're always going to be disappointed.

...I wasn't disappointed...
I'm not saying it was the best movie ever, it was just exactly as awesome as I'd hoped.

And I don't get it. I didn't have ANY problem with the handicam AT ALL, not even for the first five minutes, not even for a SECOND, and I never had ANY thoughts about anybody else possibly being annoyed by it either.

Some people just get sick easily, I guess...
Ben

Space Pope
****
« Reply #502 on: 02-03-2008 17:15 »

..and it's not like it was gratuitously thrown in there, either. They didn't go out and make a monster film with dollies and cranes and steadycams, then think to themselves "hey, let's fuck it up for the hell of it." You just can't separate the hand-held camera device from the film itself, it's that integral to the concept.

If you don't like the camera, then you don't like the film.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #503 on: 02-03-2008 17:51 »

Good point.

...

*says something else worth posting as well*
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #504 on: 02-03-2008 23:24 »

One-Sentence Reviews


Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation

They didn't have the funds for an all-out bug war like the first one, so they opted for a dumb Body-Snatchers knockoff that was both lame and predictable.


Dawn of the Dead (Original)

This bleak and apocalyptic shoestring vision hasn't lost much after thirty years, although it's one of the few instances where the remake is actually a tad better.


Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Temple of Doom was too dark for some, and this one's too light, so Raiders is still king, but you've gotta love Sean.


Superbad

Supergood.


Disturbia

They say it's not a remake of Rear Window, but it is... and it's a poor one at that, so just watch Hitchcock's original and save yourself from the sarcastic teenage crap.


DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #505 on: 02-04-2008 01:41 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by coldangel_1:
One-Sentence Reviews

Superbad

Supergood.

That is not how sentences work!
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
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« Reply #506 on: 02-04-2008 01:44 »

Not only is not not a sentence, it's not even a real word.
Nicky boy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #507 on: 02-04-2008 11:16 »

st trinians

it was ok, killed an hour or 2.

C+
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #508 on: 02-04-2008 17:44 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
 That is not how sentences work!

I pwn the English language. I'll do with it as I will. It's Poetic Licence.   cool
VelourFog

Space Pope
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« Reply #509 on: 02-04-2008 21:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by chay's head:
Superbad

I'm a bit late. I thought it was very funny, and kinda nice.

Oddly enough I just watched this move also. High five for watching movies really late.

I like how much cursing and underage sluts featured into the movie. A great addition to family movie night.

Is Pineapple Express a real movie? Like, it's supposed to be funny and/or good? Should I try being high before I watch the preview? Would that help?
Nicky boy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #510 on: 02-05-2008 11:28 »
« Last Edit on: 02-05-2008 11:28 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by coldangel_1:
One-Sentence Reviews


Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation

They didn't have the funds for an all-out bug war like the first one, so they opted for a dumb Body-Snatchers knockoff that was both lame and predictable.



i agree. i have that on dvd. its nowhere near as good as i thought it would be!
   cry

the 1st one was better    smile
Books

Near Death Star Inhabitant
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #511 on: 02-05-2008 12:11 »

Das Boot director cut:

Wicked long movie (3.5 hour) but good. It drags a bit, and more could have happened in that time. The interior of the sub is fantastic. Wood paneling and lots of valves. Its cramped, but it feels like home.  The ending is not for everyone, you'll either hate it or feel lukewarm about it...Its a real departure from the tone of the rest of the movie, kind of a 'wtf!?' moment, like you've been robbed. But its a good movie.

8.5/10
BirthdayClown

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #512 on: 02-05-2008 16:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:

Is Pineapple Express a real movie? Like, it's supposed to be funny and/or good? Should I try being high before I watch the preview? Would that help?


Yeah, it's a real movie. I didn't find the preview terribly entertaining or funny, but I'm not a pothead. What do I know?
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #513 on: 02-05-2008 17:49 »

No Country For Old Men
Anton Chigurh is a badass scary mofo, don't fuck with him!

WTF was up with the ending...?  confused
B+

We Pwn The Night

It was an ok cops vs drugs baddies movie, but I'm starting to think Mark Whalberg and Joaquin Phoenix aren't challenging themselves in their films, they seem to play very similar characters (or pick roles with least amount of effort involved)
Maybe that's a complement because they make it look easy to play a cop or a not-so-good cops brother.

B

Ending of this one kinda ended on a downer too.  frown
BirthdayClown

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #514 on: 02-05-2008 17:54 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by ~FazeShift~:
No Country For Old Men
WTF was up with the ending...?   confused

I don't know, but Llewelyn's wife was adorable.   love
And Chigurh is the scariest bastard in the history of cinema! Even scarier than Chucky!
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #515 on: 02-05-2008 18:26 »
« Last Edit on: 02-05-2008 18:26 »

Fuck i know! But i swear his accent jumped around a shitload. Yeah, the ending was a little different. Also, what were the years again, he said something about the coin being 1956, and it was 20 years later...ish, so 76? Then he went back in 1980 to
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #516 on: 02-05-2008 19:35 »

BC: See her in Trainspotting, she'll honk your horn.
BirthdayClown

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #517 on: 02-05-2008 22:35 »

Will do.
Honk honk.
LayZ341

Professor
*
« Reply #518 on: 02-06-2008 00:10 »

Norbit - Its sad seeing what all these black comedians will do for a check.

F

Epic Movie - There is nothing epic about this shit.
F-

I can't believe I'm actually paying HBO for this shit, thank God for The Wire.
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #519 on: 02-06-2008 01:02 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nicky boy:
 
i agree. i have that on dvd. its nowhere near as good as i thought it would be!
    cry

the 1st one was better     smile

I hired this out years ago and used the fast forward button alot. Would have been better if there were Jahoobs, maybe there was and I can't remember, and if there was than this movie must of been really crap.
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