It took an hour to write, I thought it would take an hour to read. Framegrab Thread

[Reply #80 on:]

Fry: Please tell me thats your other hand down there. Please.

Edit: My first TOTPD!! And ohh look.. I DONT CARE 

[Reply #81 on:]

Farnsworth: "Have a good time at the dentist's Fry, I'll be outside when you're through.  This place is only for people who still have some of their natural teeth."

Fry: "But professor, I haven't been to a dentist's in 1000 years.  I don't know what to expect.  Do they still shove sharp objects in your mouth and make you eat sand?"

Farnsworth:  "Oh my no...  There's been a millenium of medical advance since the godawful days of electric toothbrushes and plastic suction tubes.  Things are much more civilized now."

[sound of a circular saw powering up in the background]

Farnsworth: "You'll be fine."

[Reply #82 on:]

Prof: Now, now Fry. You'll be fine here as long as I don't need a matching organ donor.

[Reply #83 on:]

 

Oh, uh...yeah.  So, er, when do I pick a winner?  I recall something about a 24 hour limit....

[Reply #84 on:]

I think it's informally 24 hours after the latest entry. Sometimes it goes 3-4 days if no one can think of anything and there are few entries.

[Reply #85 on:]

Okay, I'll hold off for a bit, thanks...

On with the hilarity!

[Reply #86 on:]

Or not...

*sigh* No more hilarity.  Okay, I better go on and pick...(excuse the double post).

While I laughed at a lot of responses, soylentOrange's made me laugh loud enough to scare my dog off my bed. 

But since this is my first contest win and hence my first contest judging, I can't stand to let anyone go away empty handed.  Therefore I have the following consolation prizes for other honorable entries (enjoy 'em now, guys, I'm sure the thrill will lose out to laziness soon enough):

Xanfor gets the Pontification Prize for perfectly Professorial protracted prose;

futz gets the Elegance in Eloquence award for simple, direct, but effective mirth;

LayZ341 and alias_007 each get their own "Dirty So Good" ribbons;

And everyone else gets a “I’m Sure it Would Have Been Hilarious If You’d Played” Honorable Mention.

So.....take it away, soylentOrange! 

[Reply #87 on:]

HA... thanks Shiny, good on ya 

[Reply #88 on:]

lol the consolation prizes were better than the grand prize.

[Reply #89 on:]

Fry: I see that look.

Leela: Mmm?

Fry: Stop staring at Bender's ass!

Leela: Shiny...

[Reply #90 on:]

The Deeper Issue
by Xapp Xaniggian

Bender: Hello, profit!
Fry: I can't believe Leela would do this.
Leela: I can't believe Fry would do this.
Nibbler: I wonder if I could eat that mail box?

[Reply #91 on:]

Fry: I can't believe that Bender is going to church. Thats like me going to Grad school or you going to the eyes doctor.
Leela: Eyes doctor? There is no such thing as an Eyes doctor. I go to the Eye doctor, who is called an optometrist.
Fry: Thats because you have only one eye. I go to the Eyes doctor because I have two eyes.
Leela: No, you go the the Eyes doctor because you are a moron.

[Reply #92 on:]

Bender:  No time for idle chat now!  This looks like a job for... impedance man!

Random Narrator: That’s right, it’s impedance man... bot.  Man!  Watch him… uh… impede his enemies in a non-stop effort to slightly delay the progress of crime by the voltage of thwarting over the amperage of justice!  Resistance is futile! (Theme music starts)

Meanwhile…

Leela: But we weren’t never chatting with Bender to begin with!  He just walked up to us and said “No time for idle chat!”

Fry:  Stop distracting me!  Staring contests aren’t fair with you, Leela.  You can never technically blink!

[Reply #93 on:]

Ok, I think JBERGES has got this one in the bag. 

[Reply #94 on:]

JBERGES takes this round by storm.  Resistance is futile... That had me chuckling for like 5 minutes :-)

[Reply #95 on:]

[Reply #96 on:]

Fry: This coffee tastes like crap!
Leela: Fry, that's not coffee.
Elzar: Hey, relax. I'll go fetch some crap that tastes like coffee instead.

[Reply #97 on:]

Fry: Hurry up!! I need more coffee, NOW!!!
Amy: Wow, coffee is almost as addicting as crack.
Elzar: Yeah it is, especially when you mix crack with it. Its a little trick I learned when I worked at Starbucks. We used to put it into the Sweet N' Low packs. Then, BAM!!! Loyal customers everyday.

[Reply #98 on:]

Fry: Give me some coffee!
Elzar: Wrong cup sir.
Fry: I don't care, and neither should you! I came here with hard earned cash that's sticking out of my wallet in my pants that have holes in it and is now in the process getting stolen by Bender so he can fund his crazy shenanigans which will possibly fail and he will change his mind and buy booze instead which will make him happy until he runs out and rusts up and will want more booze and he will steal more money from my pants while in the meantime Leela will give me the evil eye and Kif and Amy will have horrible mutant babies that will destroy humanity, and all because I don't have the right cup?! I DEMAND COFFEE!!!!
Amy: Wow that was horribly long. Did he even use and commas?
Leela: I think in the last part.
Fry: STOP GIVING ME THE EVIL EYE LEELA!!

[Reply #99 on:]

FRY: I'd like a refill, please.

ELZAR: Okay, but it'll cost ya.

FRY: What?!  I'm not stupid, you know - it says right on the the menu refills are free!

LEELA: Fry, that's for coffee.  You're drinking bay leaves soaked in hot water with sugar in it.

FRY: I thought it was herbal tea. 

LEELA: I told you it was garnish an hour ago!

FRY: Well, I don't care where it's from, I want some more!  (to Elzar)  Hey, wait, where do you think you're going?

ELZAR: I was gonna go wait on customers who're a little less 'not-stupid' than you.

FRY: Well, you're out of luck, because there aren't any! Now bring me my free refill and make it snappy!

[Reply #100 on:]

Fry: Hey, what kind of crappy fish are you trying to push on us?
Elzar: Once again, sir, it's pronounced "crappie".

[Reply #101 on:]

Double Date
by Xanfor
co-authored by Xan42

Fry: Why is there a fish in my coffee?
Leela: Yeah, and why is there a fish on that plate?
Elzar: That's a table decoration, ma'am.
Kif: Actually, using raw fish as a table ornament is against numerous EDA laws and regulations...
Elzar: Who said anything about it being raw? It should still be alive. I never believed in little green men anyhow.

[Reply #102 on:]

Fry: I didn't order Fish I ordered Trout!

Leela: Fry... A trout is a fish

Fry: Ohhh, so thats why that fish salesman punched me...

[Reply #103 on:]

Fry: "I need more.  More coffee. MORE!"

Leela: "Fry, that's your 23rd cup today.  It's time to be done."

Fry: "For your information Leela, drinking way too much coffee is an American tradition just like muscle cars, high def televisions, and free education.  Without them we'd be nothing.  We'd be no better than the Chinese!"

Amy: "Hey-"

Fry: "- Do you want us to be no better than the Chinese Leela?"

Leela: "Have you ever even HAD any of that other stuff Fry?"

Fry: "I am not!"

Leela + Kif: *Sigh*

[Reply #104 on:]

Fry: Oh God finally a decent cup of coffee! I'll have another Elzar. You know Leela you could learn a few things about cooking from Elzar. Just like you could learn a few things about sex from Amy.

Leela: (Reaches for fork)

Amy: Bloops!

Kif: Whaa?

So ended Leela and Fry's first marriage.

[Reply #105 on:]

Depressing. 

[Reply #106 on:]

Take a chill pill why don't ya.

[Reply #107 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:

Fry: Why was there a cup in my fish?
 

[Reply #108 on:]

Here's a valuable lesson in playing to the person who posted the picture...

DrT. wins for a great use of fish pun.

[Reply #109 on:]

Ha, JBERGES falls again for my mighty pun power.

[Reply #110 on:]

Fry: What are they going to do to us?
Leela: I think they are going to torture us.
Bender: Man, this isn't as fun when your on the other side of it. Now, I know what those homeless drifters felt like.

[Reply #111 on:]

The Inescapable Peril
by Xan4

Leela: Ow! It seems tight...
Bender: I can't believe it!
Fry(Wheezing): Neither can I...
Bender: This three-way bra actually works!

[Reply #112 on:]

Even Bender was shocked when the crew was forced to watch all of Uwe Boll's films twice in a row.

[Reply #113 on:]

Bender: Oh my god.. its PEEL message board fans!!
Fry: NOOOOO!!!!
Leela: Their so... ugly..

[Reply #114 on:]

Fry: urgh!
Bender: Oh my god!
Leela: Why would she sit in that posotion anyway.....

[Reply #115 on:]

A close one.  LayZ wins this round.

[Reply #116 on:]

So... LayZ provides with the next?

[Reply #117 on:]

Yeah, winna.

[Reply #118 on:]

[Reply #119 on:]

Leela: "So we're really back?"

Fry: "Yeah!  It's funny, after all these years of being laughed at by Fox executives when I asked for our jobs back all I had to do was sell our souls to another network."


Leela: "Whahoo! We're back! This is the greatest day of my- hey wait a minute, you were being figurative when you said you sold our souls right?"

Fry: "Nope, but come on Leela, how bad could that be?  We were on Fox before.  It's not like hell could be worse than that!"