You would bail out of the election this year... 

The competition getting too hot Nerdo?  I think so!

As the Supreme Overlord of PEEL, I'll take down the Yardsticky menace.

...Wait, Nix already did that? Shit, that ruins my whole platform.

As Supreme Overload of PEEL, I'll make sure that in the future the Yardsticky menace and any other menaces that face our great forum will be dealt with in the most humane way, which includes tackled, tarred, feathered, hung, shot with a rifle in the feet, crotch, and hands, their fingers sawed off, drawn, disembowelled, and quartered this person in question. We'll call these persons in question Sticky people.

Also, they're will be wine, champagne, beer, and Swiss chocolate, among other things, for the non-Sticky people.

PEEL Overlord? Sounds good!

So many promises to make, so little time to break them all!

I'll be back with a Helghan style motivation speech, but you can be sure that i'll be describing us as being shunned and oppressed!

Meh, tnuks used to make your eyes bleed.

I would run, if I wasn't already voting for my main man Fazeshift.
Damn, he's persuasive.

 

Originally posted by amy20:
Meh, tnuks used to make your eyes bleed.

TNUKs also said to vote for him (probably, I don't remember), mine is just a general order aimed randomly.

You were in my top secret room, weren't you?!

*hits self destruct*


AWWW GEEEZ!! I had half a sandwich left in there.. 

Bring back A.U.M.C.A.P

 

Originally posted by Mr.MastodonFarm:

• Is chay's head serious? PEEL's 9th most relevant Aussie?

i tip my hat to that, gave me a good smile. Thank you.

But, campaigning! If elected i promise to remove all trolls from this board.

I promise to stop all "I'm new here threads"

I promise sex for all the horny virgins of the board*

And I promise to flake on only 50% of my promises!

* some exclusions apply, sorry futuramafreak, I just not that good.

(Continuing on from Wiki joke)

Some of you seem to be missing the point of this contest.  This isn't for "despotic ruler of PEEL" - we have Ubermods for that.  This is for "despotic ruler of THE WORLD".  I suggest you all start thinking bigger.

I still nominate Tweek.

My opponents have made some grand speaches; I won't condescend to you by making vague promises or offering cheap bribes. I'm a simple man, with a simple goal: to kill all the stupid people. If elected, I will immediately institute a system which identifies the dumbest people on the planet, and eliminates them in the cheapest and most efficient way possible. The first phase will consist of removing all unnecessary warning labels from products. No longer will a suppository package inform you that they are not to be taken orally; no longer will coffee warn the drinker that it is hot; no longer will condoms come with instructions. I anticipate this policy alone will result in the deaths of the dumbest 5% of the population within a year. After that, well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, so lets just say things will get more pro-active.

I also promise to lie, cheat, steal, philander, and generally abuse my power in every way imaginable, as befits a corrupt despot by proud and ancient tradition.

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"My name is Gopher, and I endorsed this speach." -Gopher

This post paid for by the committe to prevent the election of Amy20, i_c_weiner, Chay's Head, ~FazeShift~, LayZ341, MrMastodonFarm, Nurdbot, and anyone else who's not Gopher.[/i]

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Wooter: I don't plan on having a Ministry of Truth, but would you be interested in heading the Ministry of Lies?

Alright, you ignorant leftists, and drugged-up communists. For the last time, I’m throwing my head into the ring. I’ve become bitter, and, let’s face it: crazy over the years. I’ve changed, I’ve learned. My essential plan in the beginning was to make this world a better place. Now, my plan is slightly different: if not elected, I will destroy the Earth.

First, let us discuss policy. It is common practice for parties to make certain promises, so here we go:

• I promise that every home will have broadband-speed internet, fast as you could possibly want. Uncapped downloads. Free, save for the electricity that you’ll use to run the computer.
• All Earthicans will be given their own computer at the age of twelve. A laptop unit, built to a standard specification. Somewhere private to put their porn, their short stories, their execrable poetry, and their plans for world domination. Don’t worry, Earth. The only people looking at your data will be the government.
• In a break with previous electoral tradition, I’m not going to use sex as an incentive. Although, I’m going to have everybody sterilised at puberty. If you want a kid, you’ll have to take your Breeding test, to get a Breeding Licence. As a concession to this board full of horny virgins, I’ll throw the population a small bone: I’ll hire Morena Baccarin to begin a real-life whore academy, and ensure that everybody gets to spend time (ie: have sex with) a bona-fide companion on their seventeenth birthday. Right before they take the Mandatory Citizenship Test, which will determine whether or not they are too stupid to live as people.
• Oh yes, there will be a test. If you’re an utter moron with no ambition, intelligence, flair, or drive, then rather than ending up on welfare, living in a council house at the bad end of some arsehole town, you’ll be taken out back, and sent to the labour camps. Where you will partake in backbreaking labour from dawn until dusk, building the mighty fleet of ships with which Earth will conquer the galaxy.

In addition to these promises, I have a basic stance on certain key areas, much of which has not changed.

   

Originally posted in 2004, but still valid today:
You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Here are the top ten reasons to vote totalnerduk into absolute power:

1). I hereby pledge to wipe out utterly absolutely anything that stands in the way of PEEL, and PEELing.

2). I hereby pledge to make the day of my inaugaration an international holiday. It will (for that one day only, every year) be permissible to burn me in effigy. In fact, I may well make it mandatory for no reason.

4). I'll hunt down and kill with my bare hands the person responsible for "lol". Lol!

5). Downloading things instead of paying for them will not just be encouraged. It will be compulsory, in order to stop companies from making too much money. The government will instead pay artists an annual salary.

6). I'll make porn an optional subject in high schools.

7). I'll have surgery to reduce my hideousness to an acceptable level.

8). I'll also have surgery performed on other hideous people in order to make society a little more easy on the eye.

9). The eradication of poodles will take us one step closer to the world of Futurama.

10). I'll stop hitting my grandma in the face. Honestly. I'll be far too busy doing other things.

[/small]

I’m stealing Chay’s idea of making awesome sci-fi gadgets a reality. Although, only one particular set of sci-fi gadgets. Everybody I’m particularly fond of can have their very own Dalek, to EX-TER-MIN-ATE their enemies, or random homeless people that they don’t like.

Here is my overall, overarching policy.

Here are some reasons to vote totalnerduk at the polls. Yes, all these things, I will make a reality.

This is an election poster from 2004. It still holds truth.

If you don’t vote me into power, I’ll not run again. I’ll destroy the Earth. Because if I can’t have it, then nobody should have it.

Edit: I like Gopher's ideas. Gopher, if I'm elected, you've just won a seat in my cabinet.
------------------


TNUK. PEEL's first 25-star General.
Now with 2,000 Nixorbucks. I    :love: Nixorbucks!
Poster Of The Month April 2006
- Keep the Captain happy!

Okay, chay. You're in. You're the Minister for Science-Fiction-Reality. Get cracking on those daleks!   

Anybody who runs against me will face a dalek in a battle to the death. They will be thrust naked into an arena, and forced to fight for their lives.

<h2>Vote Right-Wing Coulter-Worshipping Woman-hating Bible-Thumper Party</h2>

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forawrd, and always twirling twirling twirling towards freedom. 

Everybody's banned!
::Boo::
Nobody's banned!
::Boo::
Bans for some, free miniature PEEL flags for all!
::Cheer::

 

Any committee to prevent the election of totalnerduk is a committee for the destruction of the planet.



Gopher, you just listed all my best qualities.

 

Originally posted by totalnerduk:
Any committee to prevent the election of totalnerduk is a committee for the destruction of the planet.



Gopher, you just listed all my best qualities.

So what? My party will build a 2nd planet! From recycled tabloid newspapers and lots and lots of paste.

Are you sure women wouldn't rather die than sleep with Wooter?*

That's why my campaign is clearly the best. Not only am putting the best and brightest in charge, but also the most attractive. Somehow this makes me the most pro-woman candidate. I'm not forcing them to settle for homely dorks. Or turning them into sexual commodities.

*No offense, Wooter. Vote for me!

Nurdbot's ideas sound good, but lets analyse them a little.

* Real Dalek Robots
Everybody loves evil robots, but can we trust such a promise from a man who thinks Daleks are robots, when everyone knows they are mutants who merely inhabit mechanical shells?


* Stargates
A stargate in every home sounds wonderful, but it's also horribly impractical. A stargate is a device for interplanetary travel only, they are useless for travelling across a given planet! Besides, given the system's inability to target a particular gate if a planet contains more than one, every time your neighbor doesn't answer their Stargate their guests will be redirected to your house!

* Some sort of energy/plasma/photon powered gun
Actually, I can't think of any problems with this one; the world is long overdue for a radical advance in hand-held killing power.

* Hovercars
Everyone wants a hovercar, but nobody thinks about the practical matters; without being magnetically coupled to a fixed roadway, hovercars move frictionlessly. Driving a hovercar without such special roadways would be like driving on black ice all the time. Automobile accidents would skyrocket, taking insurance rates with them. When you combine this with the tax implications of funding the long-term project of replacing all major roads with special roads allowing magnetic coupling, the nations' poor will have no money for food, forcing them to eat their babies like TNUK.

* Time Travel in the form of Cars
Everyone wants a time machine, of course, but ask yourself this: do you want all your enemies to have one to? I think not!

* Digital Prostitutes
"Digital" is a big buzzword lately, but in truth digital prostitutes perform at less than 10% of the effectiveness of conventional Analog prostitutes, and they cost more too!

* Robots Powered by Alcohol
Alcohol burns much cleaner than conventional fossil fuels, it is true, but do you really want liquor prices to go up the way gas prices do? Personally I think drinks are too expensive already!

Chay's head: Big vision, poor planning!
If you want strangers to appear in your living room unannounced, prostitutes to be colder and even less personal, alcohol prices to skyrocket, and stupid teenagers in hovercars to run over you twice a day, then by all means, vote for Chay's Head!

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This post paid for by the committe to prevent the election of Amy20, i_c_weiner, Chay's Head, ~FazeShift~, LayZ341, MrMastodonFarm, Nurdbot, TNUK, Nixorbo, and anyone else who's not Gopher.