Oh god not this again...

Have fun guys.

*walks away*

Isn't the whole concept of voting anti-dictorial?

finally something i have a shit shot at! half the board thinks i'm the devil already.

Hmm, I must've totally missed this last year.. or maybe I forgot all about it. Oh well. I might 'run' for it; of course, chances are not so great once Randi's running...

I ran in this campaign last year, and I feel that my platform is strong enough to run on again. Death and Herpes to all who oppose the mighty Tallywhacker!

quote:
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1 - Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?
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Anything with a puported aphrodisiac effect is to be farmed extensively and put into all canned, boxed, and frozen foods, including baby food and pet food. I also approve the use of Booze. That's Bend-err, not alcohol.


quote:
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2 - What will you do your competition, the other power-mad maniacs you see sitting around you in this thread?
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I think you know VERY WELL what I intend to do with them, my good friends and neighbors! I intend to chain them all in my palace's cellar, right near the closet where the lubricants and leather clothes and naughty toys are kept.


quote:
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3 - What will people be permitted to eat, wear and say?
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Wear - The ugly people will wear girdles and small uncomfortable shoes. The rest of us will be permitted to dress as we please, except we must all mind the watch-word: "Crotchless".

Eat - Meat. Lots of it. With rich creamy sauce. Really, did you expect anything else from me?

Say - Say what you like, so long as you don't talk with your mouth full.


quote:
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4 - Specify locations you wish to invade and why.
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Ohohoho, ask the penis what he wants to "invade" eh?! I get it, is a joke, eh?! But in all seriousness my friends, Canada needs to be returned to the moose and the penguins.


quote:
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5 - How about population control, got any ideas there?
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I may institute a program of gelding 3/4ths of all male children in order to make more females available for the rest of us, though. How do you like that, Nerd-men of PEEL? Your chances of getting laid will increase from 0% to 100% if you are not unfortunate enough to be selected! Let sex be given to everyone who bears testes, not just the attractive!


quote:
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6 - Who among the folks of PEEL in general (not limited to fellow contestants in this thread) would you single out for advancement, demotion, explosions? And why?
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Well if you're lesbian and attractive, you're probably safe. I would leave such matters to my Minister of Lesbian Affairs, the inestimable Slimmy. Jon will most likely have to be kept under close surveillance, thanks to his pedophilic tendencies. We wouldn't want to miss out on any of his wacky antics! DrThunder is under consideration for the police force uniform design board. I keep telling him to incorporate more lace and less leather, but, tch, you know how he is.


quote:
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7 - You are most likely going to have a pet of some sort which is as evil and twisted as you are. Tell us more about this animal companion.
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I would love to have a pet gerbil. And perhaps a cooter. A nice furry one, following me around wherever I go. I would pet both my evil pets and stroke them as I unveiled my plans and goals via satellite broadcast. Perhaps a pony too. The one known as VF has wished for one for a long long time, perhaps she knows something I do not?


quote:
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8 - Describe for us what turned you into the sick monster you are today.
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Well, I began as a small foreskin, lying upon a dustheap outside a small village in the middle east. Some green ooze known as Mutagen was spilled upon me, and I came to life. I found another old discarded scrap of foreskin, and added it to myself. I have grown exponentially, adding more and more snipped off cockflesh to myself until I grew into what you see today... a 7 foot tall beautiful gleaming Tallywhacker. Is it not inspiring?


quote:
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9 - Finally, please tell us who you expect to inherit your throne, and how.
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No-one shall inherit! I shall reign forever!

Although, I wouldn't mind seeing that Colonel Klink rise to power. He seems like quite a dick himself.

I'm going to kill all the Armenians in multiple massacres, deny it, prompt an Austrian to try and do the same to the Jews, then reform, join the EU, piss off France and tie the world up in paperwork through inane legislation such as the CAP, CFP and Sunshine Directive. Mwahahahahahaha!

Oh and I forgot, spend several decades promising to drive Israel into the sea and then send our football hooligans around Europe.

Oh God, not this again.

I'll think of something when I'm in less of a good mood.  I also think I'll have to restructure my Plan for World Domination a bit, seeing as I no longer have a reliable lawyer.

actually i amend my previous statement... didn't see the milk and cookies part!

Do I need to put AdBlock through some sort of training to handle the amount of party ads then? 

To those of you who have been saying that I have lost my touch since the Great Depression of 2004-2005, I say this: Pah! Behold my glorious campaign!

It has become clear to me that I was hobbled by dual failures in the last election. These, naturally, were the useless, dead-weight bodies of my fellow would-be-dictators, the tumultuous Lampy and the otherwise-good-egg, Nerdo. That being a major part in my downfall (second place simply means that you got whipped the hardest), I have decided to run alone this year. All Hail TNUK! Or at least vote for him, if hailing is too much effort.

Scarecrow would be welcome to join me, in order to garner the so-called “popular vote”, but he is sadly lacking in the requisite qualities, ie; ever posting at PEEL.

I shall now set out the principle qualities of my plans:
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 Q: Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?
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Allow me to quote directly from the previous year’s manifesto:
   

Alcohol and other drugs will all be legal, but very strictly controlled. Anybody whose bio-feedback unit reports excessive use of any drug will be rounded up by the BIA, and executed live on television. Watching the Execution Hour will be compulsory. It will be broadcast on all channels.

“Excessive” should be taken to read “stupidly damaging levels”. Basically, I don’t mind what my citizens get up to, as long as their efficiency is unimpaired.
Now, there are several points that I ran my campaign on last time which have altered. You can find my original manifesto HERE and below are the modifications for this year.
   

Since we will have no unsexy nurses, and also free healthcare, sex will be a prescribed treatment for dissatisfied citizens. Lots of filthy hardcore sex. However you like it best.
Of course, by registering as a dissatisfied citizen, you will automatically be noted as a candidate to be assessed for a lobotomy. But you'll be getting laid so often that you'll not even care.

Filthy hardcore sex will not be available to anybody under 18 – their treatment for dissatisfaction will be to be given a baseball bat and an expensive car. If they can wreck the car in under twenty minutes, using the bat, they can have the value of the vehicle. This should provide adequate opportunities to vent anger, and to fill their wallets. For under 18’s, this treatment should be sufficient. Of course, citizens over 18 will also be eligible for this course of therapy, should they feel that filthy hardcore sex will for some reason not be what they need.

See the above image? It’s going to be made into fifty-foot high neon billboards. One in every major population centre. Anybody who objects will be subject to lobotomisation (see the previous manifesto).
Nerd-o-rama, as a filthy hippie liberal, will be given the task of deciding whether a citizen has a genuine case for not being lobotomised. I think that I can trust him to make the right decision. Because if he makes the wrong one, I’ll outlaw civil liberties altogether.
Please examine the following document, located HERE in the previous year’s thread.
This document should be taken as a loose statement of policy. If you disagree with any of it, of course in order to obtain your vote, I shall be delighted to hypnotise you into voting for me, with this hypno-gif:

I shall be addressed at all times as “Captain”.

Finally, as a complete afterthought, I vow if elected to make no more animated gifs at all. Ever. If not elected, I vow to personally give each and every one of you eye cancer in various innovative and amusing new ways.
Vote TNUK. This time, he’s got a cat.


Edit: But apparantly he hasn't gotten the hang of the "img" tag.

for the animated gifs reason?  or your belief in what he preaches?

eh... in opposition to your wacky antics, and i_c_weiner's fear based government...

i'll run under the true "apathetic despot" banner

anyone who doesn't care much about this crap... VOTE FOR ME... and such... something else... carry on...

that was weak... did i mention your new banner makes me feel very awkward?

yea, i can't get past the avy either... it's just a dog... in a bun... you can't beat that...

if i were made supreme overlord everyone who supported me would get their choice of either an island or a pie (or peninsula or cake, depending on which you prefer). those who don't support me would be singled out and be crushed by my mighty minion army. of course, i hold this policy all year round, not just now.

a bed? that's getting a bit selfish now, isn't it? the only greediness i condone is my own.

 

Originally posted by i_c_weiner:
Now, if I support you, could I get an island, a piece of pie, and your second best bed?

Be a man, dammit.

FF, my offer is that if I support your campaign, I require an island, a piece of pie and a spot in YOUR bed.

Consider what my support is worth, compared to that of this "i_c_weiner", and make the right choice.

Else, I shall be forced to create my own campaign and vie with you for mastery of this hemisphere.

Any supporters of myself will receive a protection force of clones and androids. They also come with free treats! Cower before the might of these "treats"!

i just read strokes... and then i got worried

I may only be a delivery boy, but I need something to do.... go TNUK!!!

ahhh with no support, i give up my banner of apathetic despot, and support newhook_1, cuz i like his avy