Orignally posted by RavenStar
No, the daily strip shows will be provided by Courtney Love and Tonya Harding.

Well, in that case, no support from me, RS.  Courtney Love stripping is torture, not a reward for my vote.

Lampy, if you're going to have free speech, you'd better put people of two different political outlooks in your "political debate" office: I nominate myself and FemJesse, on the basis that FemJesse is the most aggressive and attractive conservative on the board, and that evan and FemJesse would spend the entire time making out or killing each other.
Otherwise, you have good policies and the TV knowledge to make a Doug reference from back when it was good.

Zoidy227: You should come play Nationstates with us.  See also the PEEL Nationstates thread.  I hope the older nations don't mind my inviting someone...

TOTP Shameless Plug.

 

Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
 Lampy, if you're going to have free speech, you'd better put people of two different political outlooks in your "political debate" office: I nominate myself and FemJesse, on the basis that FemJesse is the most aggressive and attractive conservative on the board, and that evan and FemJesse would spend the entire time making out or killing each other.

That's not what I meant. I meant that I would have both of you guys help me in debating other people.

Oh, boo, David A, I thought you loved me.  You big scary genius.  Wouldn't you rather have a Fairy Princess running the world?  I thought you liked stuff like magical fairy princesses, seeing as you watch all that magical girl anime.

Anyway, at least Jeff will vote for me.  And if Jeff doesn't vote for me I'll cry so hard it'll create a flood that will wipe out all of humanity.

If Jeff votes for Mango I will cry and never speak to him again.

*platform being redefined* Meh, it's good enough. I mean it worked for Palpatine, right?

Well, as expected my opponenets have already taken the "appoint me Evil Overlord and I'll kill half of you and make the lifes of the rest a living hell"-platform.

I'm Teral and I'm the democratically (really, no bullshit, I swear it) elected leader of the Xenophobic Anarcho-Conservative PEEL'ers People Party (or XAPPP for short).

The average length of an election campaign today is 18 months, almost half of an election term is spend campaigning for the next election, and it's an increasing trend. Soon politicians will be pre-occupied with constant election campaigns, leaving the governing to bureaucrats. Today long-term planing means until the next election, soon it'll mean until the end of the week. We need to save democracy from this slow, agonizing death. It's the decent thing to do, it's the right thing to do, it's the democratic thing to do. I am willing to take on the burden of safely bringing democracy into the 21st century. If I am not willing to make this sacrifice, then what kind of politician would I be?

By appointing me to president for life, you, the enlightened and intelligent voters, will send the world a message of wisdom, courage and dedication to show what strength democracy have. Freed of the dog and pony show, and waste of resources and money, continous election campaigns represent the democratic world will be re-invigorated and prosperous. Incomes will rise, jobs will be generated, welfare will be guaranteed for everybody. Once talented people are free of spending their time on political bickering on Internet messageboards and street rallies, they can turn their attention to other venues such as art, scientific progress and philosophy. The human race would be on the threshold of a new Golden Age.

Without the worry of pleasing special interest groups or industry lobbies, government can make long-term plans that will benefit everybody. Prosperity will flourish, jobs will come pouring into the Western world, safety concerns will be a thing of the past. Comprehensive planning is the key.

Some will probably say this is crazy talk, that you should refuse this idea. But who these people really speaking for? I'll tell you: themself! Politicians worried about losing their kickbacks, lobbyists afraid of losing their undemocratic and selfserving influence over corrupt politicians, terrorist scared of facing an even stronger, more confident and prosperous West, 5th Column traitors, party fatcats, everybody who feed of the hard-working populations of the West, those who yearn for the day democracy will collapse under it's own weight. To them I say: sucks to be you! Democracy will show how capable it is of fighting back, it's courage to take unprecedented steps to ensure it's own survival.

Therefore, my friends, vote yes on proposition 698: "Save democracy by appointing Teral president for life".

 "Yes on proposition 698! It's Teral or Chaos!"

Vote for me, I'd give you some cake on Fridays.

 

Originally posted by Nurdbot:
Nasty: I'll 'vote' for you.

I just hope those quote signs dont mean youre being sarcastic....

"Are YoU?!?! ....na."

Nice job blowing the plan comrade.

If I, Jicannon[/i][/u], were elected Supreme Pizza of PEEL, I would:

-Rearrange the days of the week so that they fall in alphabetical order, as following:
Friday, Monday, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday
THERE MUST BE ORDER!

-Get rid of speed limit signs, they just make you feel bad when you're going too fast. All speed limit signs will be replaced by checkered race-flag signs. Speed limits will still be in effect, of course.

-Make the walrus the official PEEL bird animal and the red-with-white-spotted mushroom the official PEEL fungus. Replacing whoever used to be the PEEL fungus...you know who I mean...

-Legalize Spam. Spam for everyone! It shall finally pass FDA inspection!

-Make all beaches mandatory nude beaches.

-Commission the creation of the largest bouncy ball known to PEEL-kind. It will be pink. With white swirls.

-Invade Azerbaijan.

-Invent the color jerrany.

-Legalize arsony performed by pyromaniacs.

-Outlaw pyrophobia.

-Mail you all 1/2 dozen orange roses everyday.

My Cabinet:
Vice Supreme Fool: Otis P Jivefunk Just because....
Secretary of being radically cool: jerkberg Who else?
Secretary of being Israeli: Idan_Aharoni
Secretary of watching Nickelodian: John Pannozzi
Secretary of Hugs: Mango
Secretary of Making Me Food: TheLampIncident Well......you can just bus the table
Court Jester: TheLampIncident again I hope he looks just like that clown on my deck of playing cards!
Ringmaster of my 5-Ring Circus: StuartB

As reigning Liquid Emperor of PEEL, I command you to vote for whoever your heart desires!*

*As long as your heart desires someone who will bring you despair and prosperity! ME!

My plan for world domination:

1) Build huge arsenal of Doomsday devices and undefeatable army of killbots. This may be the hardest step.

2) Build large, evil looking volcano base in an easily discovered location. Send out inept henchmen from this base.

3) The henchmen will inevitably be caught and various superheroes and secret agents will track me down to this base, allow them to have fun for a while attempting to disarm the superweapons featuring big time readouts and obvious weak points. Then detonate the base, killing everyone inside.

4) Launch the Doomsday devices from the far less obviously concealed base that I built earlier but forgot to mention. Instantly wipe out every major military installation and large city in the world.

5) The survivors are to be rounded up and set to work in slave labour camps to fuel my killbot army. Those who resist will be executed in the most horrific manner imaginable - being made to watch non-stop reality TV until their brains implode.

6) After this is done, my scientists will work on the following projects: A method for transferring my brain into a robots body, giving me immortality; Advanced space travel; Planet-destroying lasers.

7) When all the remaining humans have died as a result of radiation poisoning/ overexertion/ reality TV-induced brain-implosion my killbots and I will leave the planet, destroy it from orbit, and set off on a quest to eradicate all life in the Universe. Note: the lack of any human slave labour is not a problem because I could have easily got robots to do whatever they were doing before, I just wanted to make them suffer - lousy human race...

   

1 - Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?

Anything with a puported aphrodisiac effect is to be farmed extensively and put into all canned, boxed, and frozen foods, including baby food and pet food. I also approve the use of Boozee. That's Bend-err, not alcohol.

   

2 - What will you do your competition, the other power-mad maniacs you see sitting around you in this thread?

I think you know VERY WELL what I intend to do with them, my good friends and neighbors! I intend to chain them all in my palace's cellar, right near the closet where the lubricants and leather clothes and naughty toys are kept.

 

3 - What will people be permitted to eat, wear and say?

Wear - The ugly people will wear girdles and small uncomfortable shoes. The rest of us will be permitted to dress as we please, except we must all mind the watch-word: "Crotchless".

Eat - Meat. Lots of it. With rich creamy sauce. Really, did you expect snything else from me?

Say - Say what you like, so long as you don't talk with your mouth full.

   

4 - Specify locations you wish to invade and why.

Ohohoho, ask the penis what he wants to "invade eh?! I get it, is a joke, eh?! But in all seriousness my friends, Canada needs to be returned to the moose and the penguins.

   

5 - How about population control, got any ideas there?

I may institute a program of gelding 3/4ths of all male children in order to make more females available for the rest of us, though. How do you like that, Nerd-men of PEEL? Your chances of getting laid will increase from 0% to 100% if you are not unfortunate enough to be selected! Let sex be given to everyone who bears a penis, not just the attractive penis-bearers!

   

6 - Who among the folks of PEEL in general (not limited to fellow contestants in this thread) would you single out for advancement, demotion, explosions? And why?

Well if you're lesbian and attractive, you're probably safe. I would leave such matters to my Minister of Lesbian Affairs, the inestimable Slimmy. Jon will most likely have to be kept under close surveillance, thanks to his pedophilic tendencies. We wouldn't want to miss out on any of the intricacies of his art! DrThunder is under consideration for the police force uniform design. I keep telling him to incorporate more lace and less leather, but, tch, you know how he is.

   

7 - You are most likely going to have a pet of some sort which is as evil and twisted as you are. Tell us more about this animal companion.

I would love to have a pet gerbil. And perhaps a cooter. A nice furry one, following me around wherever I go. I would pet both my evil pets and stroke them as I unveiled my plans and goals via satellite broadcast. Perhaps a pony too. The one known as VF has wished for one for a long long time, perhaps she knows something I do not?

   

8 - Describe for us what turned you into the sick monster you are today.

Well, I began as a small foreskin, lying upon a dustheap outside a small village in the middle east. Some green ooze known as Mutagen was spilled upon me, and I came to life. I found another old discarded scrap of foreskin, and added it to myself. I have grown exponentially, adding more and more snipped off cockflesh to myself until I grew into what you see today... a 7 foot tall beautiful gleaming Tallywhacker. Is it not inspiring?

   

9 - Finally, please tell us who you expect to inherit your throne, and how.

No-one shall inherit! I shall reign forever!

Although, I wouldn't mind seeing that Colonel Klink rise to power. He seems like quite a dick himself.

Be whatever you want to be! If you're supreme overlord/dictator/god-king/thingy of the world, you're free to do exactly what you wish.

 

Originally posted by Luis:

Sex : Every woman and man will have his/her own clone of his ideal fuckbuddy

A clone of my very own self!  I'm voting Luis for supreme dictator.

 

Originally posted by TheMadCapper:
1 - Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?

2 - What will you do your competition, the other power-mad maniacs you see sitting around you in this thread?

3 - What will people be permitted to eat, wear and say?

4 - Specify locations you wish to invade and why.

5 - How about population control, got any ideas there?

6 - Who among the folks of PEEL in general (not limited to fellow contestants in this thread) would you single out for advancement, demotion, explosions? And why?

7 - You are most likely going to have a pet of some sort which is as evil and twisted as you are. Tell us more about this animal companion.

8 - Describe for us what turned you into the sick monster you are today.

9 - Finally, please tell us who you expect to inherit your throne, and how.

1. All mind altering drugs will be illegal. Except for the ones I give to the populous to control them.

2. I would give my enemies private islands to live in peace on. Which I would then wipe from the face of the earth with my planet-sized "Death Star"

3. The people would have the rights to wear, eat, and say anything they want. Unless it's about me.

4. Locations I want to invade:
-The USA: Caus I want to see what the rest of the world's reaction will be.
-Frozen Foods section in ShopRite: because right now I'm really in the mood for Raw chocolate-chip cookie dough.
-FOX HQ: Come on. Do I really have to explain myself on this one?

5. *See question #1*

6. Advancements: Nurdbot, SJM, nerdorama, ZombieJesus, GFF, LesbianLeela
   Explosions: Marg, LampIncident, and ...idunno, Jicannon

7.My ferret, Comandante Wiggles. Don't let the name fool you. He'll burrow into your skin and rip out your intestinal track though your bellybutton.

8.The fall of the USSR, SJM not winning POTM, and the cancellation of Futurama.

9.When the day comes when I am on my deathbed, I will be frozen until some point in the future where I can be revived and cured of my sickness.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention...to take over America, I'm obviously going to need FOX.  So while I'm in there, I'll sell the rights to their good shows to the creators, then use the network as the propaganda machine it was intended to be.  May as well buy Turner too.  I'd put all the good cartoons on CN, and cancel the bullshit they have on for 80% of the day.  The weeknight lineup would be something like this:
8 pm eastern - Classic Futurama
8:30 - Classic Family Guy
9:00 - Classic Simpsons
9:30 - Rocky and Bullwinkle
etc...

Saturday night: New Futurama and FG, and if I can find a way to ressurect Jay Gould, new Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Sunday night: propaganda hour.

I'll take suggestions for other shows, particularly since I can officially act as President of whatever networks I own.

Originally posted by TheMadCapper:
1 - Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?

[/small].

My policy was broadly outlined on Page One. Here I shall delve into detail. All drugs will be legalised, and freely available to all. Daily limits will be set on usage, and prices will be linked to the strength of the global economy.
Anybody who uses more than they're allowed, or fails to follow the government guidelines for acceptable use of drugs will thereby doom himself/herself to execution. Their bio-feedback brain implant unit will report any violations direct to the Behavioural Intelligence agency.

2 - What will you do your competition, the other power-mad maniacs you see sitting around you in this thread?

[/small]

That's easy. I'll incorporate their better ideas into my own policies, then either give them a nice cushy job in my cabinet, or in the case of people who might prove dangerous (or I dislike - particularly Zoidberg227), I'll have their vocal cords removed, their genitalia scarred, and their esteemed selves thrown into my reforemed prisons.

3 - What will people be permitted to eat, wear and say?
[/small]

People can wear whatever they want. As long as it doesn't include baseball caps or gold jewellery. They can eat whatever the hell they like, as long as it's not cat. They can say anything at all, as long as it is favourable towards the government.

 

4 - Specify locations you wish to invade and why.

1. - The eastern world. Because having influence over the western world might be good enough for some people. But I want the whole thing.

2. - The moon and Mars. Because it would be cool. Also, the rest of the universe.

5 - How about population control, got any ideas there?
[/small]

Mandatory sterilisation of all pubescent teenagers, and all existing idiots will begin from the day after my election. This will only be reversed after the granting of  a license to rear children.

The license will be granted, providing that:
1 - The parties who wish to reproduce with each other are in some form of stable, committed relationship.
2 - Both prosepective parents are not idiots.
3 - Oh see page one. My policy is outlined fairly comprehensively there.

 

6 - Who among the folks of PEEL in general (not limited to fellow contestants in this thread) would you single out for advancement, demotion, explosions? And why?

Nerd-o-rama - some sort of government advisor, slash wizard. Because.
TheMadCapper - offical religious advisor to the ignorant masses. Because it's what he's good at.
TheLampIncident - official locator of trends/things/people/whatevers that need to be stopped/killed/blown up. Because it's what he's good at.
VelourFog - ministeress for torture (where neccessary). Because she's a bitch, and she'd enjoy it.
Juliet - candidate for disembowellment. Because she doesn't deserve to have bowels.
Tongue Luck - ministeress of finance. Because of Tongue Bucks.
DrThunder88 - assistant to Mr. Incident.
Speli - warmonger. Because he'll like it.
jerkberg - candidate for experimental brain removal. Because I want to know if he's got one.

 

7 - You are most likely going to have a pet of some sort which is as evil and twisted as you are. Tell us more about this animal companion.

[/small]

A tiger. Raah!

 

8 - Describe for us what turned you into the sick monster you are today.

[/small]

Twenty-two years of life on Earth.

 

9 - Finally, please tell us who you expect to inherit your throne, and how.

[/small]

On my death, each citizen will be given a cat. All the cats will be put into a gigantic bag. The bag will be shaken.

The owner of the victorious cat will inherit the Earth.

 

Originally posted by TheMadCapper:
1 - Once you've wrested power into your grubby little hands, what will your policy be on mind-altering drugs? For whom will they be legal, which substances are permitted, and on what occasions?

I'm not a fan of mind-altering drugs, but the last time we tried setting social restrictions(prohibition), they failed miserably. All it did was bring organized crime. Legalize the drugs...but keep them away from me.

 

2 - What will you do your competition, the other power-mad maniacs you see sitting around you in this thread?

I will spear their hearts with a katana, toss them in the oven, and eat each of their luscious hides...with a little Shake and Bake.

 

3 - What will people be permitted to eat, wear and say?

Whatever they hell they want. If you want to eat dog shit, by all means go ahead. If you want to wear giant penis costumes, I don't care. If you say that I fuck elephants down at the circus for a living, it doesn't bother me.

 

4 - Specify locations you wish to invade and why.

As long as nobody bothers us, whatever their policies are within their country are none of my business.

 

5 - How about population control, got any ideas there?

All your fetus are belong to me. I will conduce enough stem cell research to bring Christopher Reeve back from the dead.

 

6 - Who among the folks of PEEL in general (not limited to fellow contestants in this thread) would you single out for advancement, demotion, explosions? And why?

Advancement: Anyone in my cabinet(or other positons I picked out). They are all fine posters suited for the positions I picked out for them, and their tireless efforts to defend and speak their views will not go unnoticed.

Demotion: Any trolls. I move that John Pannozzi, jerkberg, fryfanspyOrama, Wooter, and anyone else I find unfit to live be shipped to the island of St. Elbe so they can play with Napoleon's dead body until they starve.

 

7 - You are most likely going to have a pet of some sort which is as evil and twisted as you are. Tell us more about this animal companion.

It will be a team of six Pokemon all fit to rule the earth. All three Eevee evolutions(Flareon, Jolton, and...what was the last one...the water one...aw hell), a Mew, a Raichu, and a Venusaur. Their diversity can kick anyone's ass. Watch me rule Johto and Kabto all by myself.

 

8 - Describe for us what turned you into the sick monster you are today.

Abandonment. After the 8th grade, I found out my entire personality was liked and disposed of just as a trend, such as faded jeans or visors. Being at the top of the world and having all that taken away from you to be reduced to pure shit is not the only, but the main reason why I am today.

 

9 - Finally, please tell us who you expect to inherit your throne, and how.

Should I die, I will hand the duties of the throne in procession down to the next person on deck. If I die, TNUK takes the throne. If he dies, it goes it Guineapig. Etc, etc...

What you say is very interesting, however...



Edited to include animated .gif representing the other half of TheTnukIncidentParty.

Look I answered the questions!  Aren't you proud of me??  Squeel.

1. I don't need no stinkin' drugs!  Nobody can resist the Mango.  All the people will be throwing themselves at my feet, and I will hug them and give them lollipops and they'll just do whatever I say.

2. I will give all of them a lovely fruit basket and invite them to my castle for tea every Tuesday if they promise not to kill me and stuff.

3. Mostly we will eat candy and drink lemonade, but other foods are okay too.  Only stuff I'm allergic to will be outlawed.  The standard-issue outfits will have lots of sparkly, shiny accessories, and people can say anything they want, but if they make me cry they get a time-out.

4. First I will claim the state of Kansas and turn it into a giant theme park where orphaned children can get in for free.  Then I will make all of Iceland mine, so I can build a giant ranch for all my ponies.  And then I will take control of Canada as a breeding grounds for the endangered Atlantic Salmon.

5. That's easy.  We can just send all the Chinese people to live on the moon.

6.
Jeff = Fairy King
Daniela = Head of the Department of Mildly Good-tasting Vegetables
TNUK = Supreme Maker of Flashy Things
David A. = Captain of the Scary Genius Squad
Jersey What's-Her-Name = Fairy Princess's Evil Twin

Of course none of these titles mean anything but it makes people feel important.  If you would like a title of your very own, just go ahead and make one up and it'll be all official and stuff.

7. Well there will be a giraffe living in my backyard, and of course there will be my pony ranch, where dozens of cute ponies will run around and do happy pony stuff.

8. Baby animals and teddy bears and lots and lots of candy and cartoons!

9. Well, probably Cindy or Jeff Junior. Once they're born and stuff.

 

Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
Hey, Lampy and TNUK:

1) I give you the world.
2) You give me my own island and all the material wealth I ask for.
3) We run jointly in TMC's contest.

Also, fuck M0le.

Sounds good to me. Lampy has the deciding vote. If he agrees, then the three of us will form TheTnuk-o-ramaIncidentParty.

On, to victory!

Damn, I'm going to need new hypno-gif's thanks to this name change.

And finally...