I Don't Read the Reviews, The Reviews Read Me!

[Reply #520 on:]

Wrestler shoulda won BP

[Reply #521 on:]

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas


Jesus that movie was draining.

Really good, but fuuuuck, the last 20 minutes was just tragic.

Aww...did the Jews die?

[Reply #522 on:]

Wait, have you seen it?

[Reply #523 on:]

The boy in the pile of rotting corpses, z0mg spoilers?
(I didn't see it)

BC-: Noooo, but I kinda liked it, I still think wrestling is a bit silly.

[Reply #524 on:]

Lakeview Terrace

It was like one of those movies where it starts out great then slowly goes down hill. I also learned Samuel L. Jackson hates black people.

C

[Reply #525 on:]

BC-: Noooo, but I kinda liked it, I still think wrestling is a bit silly.

In Faze's defense, wrestling is at least a bit silly

[Reply #526 on:]

Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid
A

Animal House
A
Did the Dean shout "Delta Hooouuse! >:("
I can't remember. Heh, Kevin Bacon.

[Reply #527 on:]

bump for Wolverine
"Dog vomit" is what my friend described this as, but he's never seen an X-Men movie so nuts to him.
I lowered my expectations for it and it met them, I did like Wade/Weapon XI guy but he wasn't really Deadpool as I understand him, the rest of them other than Sabretooth were a great big meh.
There was also some bad CGI and laughable moments that weren't meant to be.
Bring back Bryan Singer pls.

D+

[Reply #528 on:]

Wolverine

I hated the whole Wolverine and Sabretooth are brothers bullshit.  I don't know what Weapon XI was supposed to be, all I know was it wasn't Deadpool.  And fucking will.I.am with a horrible fake accent? Really? 

However I did get what I really desired.  Gambit, Wolverine on a rampage, and Cyclops looking like a punk again.  That saved the movie for me. 

C-

[Reply #529 on:]

Apparently I missed two of the three end credits scenes, but I was told what they were after.
In theory they could give Deadpool the red suit if they wanted, but it wouldn't make sense since he's an uber mutant.
I still liked the fight at the end though.

[Reply #530 on:]

One-Sentence Reviews

Wolverine
DEADPOOL DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Dick Tracy
Like an incredibly childish early-90s incarnation of Sin City, with less violence, more prosthetics, no plot, and Madonna's tits.

Alfred Hitchcock's 'Frenzy'
Not one of the master's finest - the characteristic suspense is absent here.

Frost/Nixon
This film is (Expletive deleted) good!

Underworld
Pretty cool.

Underworld: Evolution
Not quite as cool.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Not cool.

[Reply #531 on:]

Having never seen (or read) any X-Men before I found that I quite enjoyed the movie but came away wondering...

a) How did mutations arise in the first place?
b) Are all mutants as long-lived as W & S seemed to be?

Also the pattern & speed of the 'slicing' of the cooling tower didn't seem congruous with it's supposed cause.

[Reply #532 on:]

a) Because Stan Lee couldn't be bothered thinking up individual origins for a whole team of characters (this is actually true - he admitted it). They're random quirks of evolution for the most part.

b) No. Most have normal lifespans. Logan and Victor live so long because of their healing factor.

Yeah, no - and that's nothing like the real Deadpool. He has swords, is named Wade, wisecracks all the time, and teleports, but that's where the similarity ends.

[Reply #533 on:]

Deadpool is in the Wolverine film?! That actually sounds kind of cool. I might even read the Wikipedia synopsis!

Miller's Crossing
This falls into the category of Coen brothers films that are really good and I highly recommend, along with Fargo, the Hudsucker Proxy and O Brother, Where Art Thou! Blood Simple, No Country For Old Men and Raising Arizona, hard to place! The Big Lebowski: still an overrated turd!

Additionally, as far as I can tell, this is the origin of the popular "look into your heart" phrase. And that alone is reason enough for an A!

A

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
For an Elizabeth Taylor movie full of middle aged spite and dialogue, this was pretty exciting! One of the better "classic" movies I've seen in a while that I think justified a review and smiley emoticon (it even beat out Faster, Pussycat! Kill, Kill!).

A

Afore-promised emoticon and emotional payoff:

[Reply #534 on:]

Who doesn't like Big Lebowski? :/ Are you some kind of demented freakish creature?

[Reply #535 on:]

That New X-Men Movie
Decent job by most actors except young Logan and Logan's girlfriend, no memorable moments.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH DEADPOOL?!

C -

[Reply #536 on:]

Reservoir Dogs

Awesome!! One of the twists where

Show spoiler

Mr Orange shoots Mr Blonde

took me completely by surprise and my jaw dropped for like 30 seconds
A very 'cool' movie. I wish it were longer, and they showed the actual robbery where MrBlonde went crazy.

[Reply #537 on:]

Lol - and here I was thinking your 'twist' was going to be that

Show spoiler

they're not actually dogs.

[Reply #538 on:]

Fanboys
Let me get this out of the way, Kristen Bell gives my mind, and body, boners.
Lots of them. I love her. Suck it BirthdayClown, she's mine!

Now, I also loved this movie, it has its own opening scrawl, Star Wars and general nerdy references, late 90s nostalgia soundtrack.
And not to mention the cameos, sooo many I won't spoil them all, hilarious!

"You want to see this movie..." *waves fingers*
A+

[Reply #539 on:]

Fanboys definitely an A.

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STAR TREK

Goodbye Canon. To a degree.

I liked this as I did not have to worry about "history" within the trek universe, not that I ever did all that much in the first place.

For the most part I think that any questions that I had during this movie were answered quite well and in a timely fashion. I went in to this movie with high hopes but unfortunately came out a tad bit disappointed, not due to poor acting, story, visuals or anything like that but mainly due to it feeling a bit to short. I know for a fact I would rather sit down and watch 3 to 4 hour of a trek movie then sit through any of the LotR movies. Just wish they could have had a bit more time for story for those characters that got a few lines and that was it.

All in all it was quite good and will consider seeing it again at the movies with my brother and some other people next week just to take it all in again and to see anything I might have missed the first time around.

9.7/10 Just not long enough.

[Reply #540 on:]

The dying breed

10 mins in I don't get it... 30 mins in  I don't get it... The whole movie I...don't..get...it.

[Reply #541 on:]

Fanboys definitely an A.

- - - - - - - - -

STAR TREK



Goodbye Canon. To a degree.

I liked this as I did not have to worry about "history" within the trek universe, not that I ever did all that much in the first place.

For the most part I think that any questions that I had during this movie were answered quite well and in a timely fashion. I went in to this movie with high hopes but unfortunately came out a tad bit disappointed, not due to poor acting, story, visuals or anything like that but mainly due to it feeling a bit to short. I know for a fact I would rather sit down and watch 3 to 4 hour of a trek movie then sit through any of the LotR movies. Just wish they could have had a bit more time for story for those characters that got a few lines and that was it.

All in all it was quite good and will consider seeing it again at the movies with my brother and some other people next week just to take it all in again and to see anything I might have missed the first time around.

9.7/10 Just not long enough.

I found it the perfect length, only thing that annoyed me a bit was that Nero sounded like he was from Central America.

[Reply #542 on:]

Instead of going to prom I went and saw Star Trek with my boyfriend this evening. And for just being an average movie-watcher with no real understanding for the series, I'm gonna say this film was entertaining but hard to follow. I think I would have understood the plot for the most part, but it helped to have my nerd sitting next to me.

For one thing, the combination of actors in this movie is so random. You have Simon Pegg, Harold without Kumar, Tyler Perry in not-drag, the socially awkward dude from Legally Blonde, Winona Ryder (?!) and Sylar.

And dammit I just wanted to pick up the little Chekov and take him home with me he was so cute! Him and his wessels.

Overall, this was a good film. Not great, but I'd go see it again. It was 2 hours but it seriously didn't feel like it. I really wanted there to be more with the newly established crew.

B-

Would have been higher if not for that creepy-ass alien thing that hung out with Scotty. Those eyes...fuck they scared the crap out of me.

[Reply #543 on:]

The Sweetest Thing

Being briefly reminded of Arrested Development is the most entertaining aspect of the movie.  It's almost as if it was written by someone who understood that humor exist and that certain words and situations are funny but is actually incapable of telling a joke.  I found myself thinking, "This is what I imagine a gross-out comedy would look like if it were written by a woman."  That may have been a totally sexist assumption, but it turned out I was right.  There was also a buddy pic feel to the movie that never quite took hold.  Diaz and Applegate essentially played the same character with different hair colors.

Speaking of buddy pics, Bateman is a great and oft-cast comedic straight man.  Having him be the goofball to Tom Jane was somewhat unnerving.

[Reply #544 on:]

Battle Royale

Set in the the near future Battle Royale depicts a Japan where the youth are out of control and the government takes drastic measures. One of these it the Battle Royale Act; each year a school class are taken to a deserted island where they are forced to fight until only one of them is left alive.

We first meet this years class as they are on a bus thinking they are going on an end of year trip, as they go through a tunnel gas is released into the bus rendering them unconscious. When they awake they are in a school room and their former teacher enters to explain the rules to them. The children are fitted with explosive collars and given a kit bag which contains a weapon. These vary from fairly useless items like a pot lid and a pair of binoculars to axes and sub-machine guns. Added to the group are two older boys who's motives for being there are undisclosed at this point.

Once outside they act in a variety of ways, some try to kill as many of the others as they can, some try to stay with friends and find away of beating the game and some decide they won't play and take their own lives. Not surprisingly there is quite a lot of violence which seems even more shocking as the children are played by actors in their teens rather than people in their mid-twenties as would expect from a Hollywood film. The acting seemed very good to me although I had to rely on the subtitles as I can't speak Japanese. The action set pieces are exciting, especially the events that take place amongst a group of girls in a lighthouse. If you like gripping action and an interesting story this is a film you need to see.

10/10

[Reply #545 on:]

I think I saw Battle Royale 2 once, I gave it a 2 on IMDb. Maybe I should watch the original.

I saw Star Trek and then drove 2 hours home in the middle of the night and went straight online to show my gratitude for this movie. I loved it, every single thing was great. The characters and casting was brilliant and the CGI total awe. This is a movie you got to see in a good theatre, or a good home cinema.

I also saw Angels & Demons. It wasn't that great, interesting but it never got anywhere,

Show spoiler

the book is way better

.

[Reply #546 on:]

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

Thats right.

I feel like a better man for seeing this fantastic film. Words can not describe how awesome this film was to watch, it kept me in my seat all the way through.

Just see it and you will understand.

Check this if you have no intention of seeing this film.

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Best scene was when the Mega Shark took out the airliner in flight. Awe inspiring. How do they come up with this stuff.

10/10 for Great Bad movies.

[Reply #547 on:]

Star Trek

Was very p;easantly surprised, I've only seen a few episodes of TOS and TNG but  thought it was very easy to follow, really enjoyed, the acting, the plot, and the special effects  B+/A-

[Reply #548 on:]

People in the papers don't give it that high ratings. 1,5-3,5/5 stars. They don't know what they're saying.

Star Trek 10/10

[Reply #549 on:]

This post is much bigger than I thought it would be.

Planet of the Apes
I can't believe I hadn't got around to watching this sooner, even if it was the weirdest interpretion of the Scopes Monkey Trial I've ever seen (after Inherit the Wind)

Even knowing the ending (and if I hadn't, the thoughtful cover artist displayed it CLEARLY AND UNAMBIGUOUSLY on the front cover) and most of the famous quotes, I was gripped for nearly every second. Seriously, this whole thing rocks! I can't think of a single negative thing to say, not even a complete lie just for the sake of it! The costumes were probably my favourite aspect, especially considering the date and sheer number of apes needed. The melodramatic delivery of every single line from every single actor involved comes a close second.

Favourite scene: awkward kiss between Cornelius and Zira somewhere about mid-way through. It wasn't supposed to be melodramatic, but the way the ape muzzles just sort of bumped into each other stunningly displayed the limitations of the costumes. THAT'S RIGHT, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THE ONE TENDER, WARM MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE THING.

Show spoiler

Alrighty, even though I don't recall ever seeing it, I'm almost positive this had to have been commented on before at least somewhere in the On-topic section of PEEL (infinite monkeys working at infinite typewriters, you know how it is), but Bender's "He's a Madman! A MADMAN!" in Anthology of Interest II is straight out of Planet of the Apes! Hehe, I knew it was a reference to something!

Great movie, deserves every gram* of it's reputation!

A+

Star Trek II - VI

Not a huge Star Trek fan sitting in this comfortably cushioned swivel chair, but I've seen about half of the original series before I had yesterday's Star Trek marathon, so I think I'm in a reasonably tenuous position to make the following comments:

Why is it that the best Star Trek movie (IV) involved very little star trekking and a whole lot of wandering around LA looking for pregnant whales? That's almost an answer in itself.

Second comment: Chekov and Sulu are cooler dudes than Kirk and Spock.

Third comment: Jeez, DeForest Kelley is so old. No wonder he's been dead for so long.

And that's about it! The comment that Fry made about the 6 movies averaging out to 3 good movies or whatever and the general "odd numbered Star Treks are bollocks" theory on Spaced seem pretty pithy, and I'm not a big enough of a fan to get into specifics about what were the flaws and notables of any of them, aside from the whale hunting and oh God, the Shakespeare! I forgot to complain about the Shakespeare.

Star Trek II - C+
Star Trek III - B-
Star Trek IV - B+
Star Trek V - D
Star Trek VI - C+

Fanboys
As a fan, I'd give it an A! As a person who occasionally watches movies and then writes short reviews about it anonymously on the internet, I'd give it a C-!

The "teen gross-out road-trip" aspect was derivative in every way you can imagine (gay bar throwdown, busted by police for drugs, world-wise sex workers, running and screaming into a getaway vehicle, etc) , and it just relied on direct references too much to really be great. A little bit more subtlety would have been nice! For the most part, at least, the observations about Star Wars hadn't already been made before on the millions of Star Wars parodies out there, so I guess that means I can at least claim to be writing positive things! Other positive things: the stand-off scene at the end was great! Most of the cameos were pretty subtle and subdued, which aren't words I'd usually affiliate with Billy Dee Williams, but there it is, in italics and everything! WHICH MEANS I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.

I don't think it was bad or disappointing or unamusing or anything, it just wasn't anything you couldn't get if you ran over and then sticky-taped copies of Dude, Where's My Car?, Hardware Wars, Spaceballs, and Philadelphia into a single feature film, without as many references to HIV.

Show spoiler

I guess it was intentional on their part, but did anybody else think that the entire premise was incredibly depressing? He seemed pretty happy with the final cut of it, yet the idea that they went to all the trouble to see a movie that even die-hard fans would despise really puts a piece of veal in the whole fruit salad! And not even ironically! Ah well, at least they acknowledged it in the great last line.

C+

*That's right, it's the metric system, baby! Don't try to fight it.

[Reply #550 on:]

Fanboys wasn't teen grossout road trip! Go watch Sex Drive for comparison!
This was a more "whacky sci-fi nerd with cameos everywhere road trip" movie.

But if they knew what the film was going to be like, they wouldn't have gone and missed out on all the adventures, it's all about the journey and not the destination and all that jazz.

Død Snø (aka Dead Snow)
Nazi Zombies! In the snowy mountains of Norway!
The opening scene in the dark snowy woods with In the Hall of the Mountain King playing is great.
The story is about a group of friends who go up to a mountain cabin for the laugh and discover they're not alone, pretty standard stuff. But once it picks up, things start to get hilariously gory and bloody right up to the end.

Also, one of the guys looks like Deagol from Return Of The King.

B+

[Reply #551 on:]

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

Show spoiler

Best scene was when the Mega Shark took out the airliner in flight. Awe inspiring. How do they come up with this stuff.

Probably here:

Show spoiler

Scaled up for awesomeness though.

That DVD is so freakin' ordered!

[Reply #552 on:]

One-Sentence Reviews

Star Trek
Apparently the lovely Uhura is okay with sexual gratification only every seven years.

The Departed
Basically everybody dies, most shot in the head, and the moral of the story is... stay the fuck away from Boston 'cause those Irish motherfuckers will fuck you up.

Hostage
This is not the John McClane we know and love - he'd have just blown everything up.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
For the last time: no, I did not play the 'feral kid' in this movie.

Sunlight
The sun does not work that way.

Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome
Deceptively, the titular 'Thunderdome' plays a comparatively insignificant role.

Layer Cake
Entertaining despite lack of actual cake.

The Magnificent Seven
Same as Seven Samurai.

Seven Samurai
Same as The Magnificent Seven.

Se7en
Annoyingly, quite different from the previous two.

[Reply #553 on:]

If you want to see a good recent samurai drama watch When The Last Sword is Drawn, excellent.

[Reply #554 on:]

I will! Thanks mysterious Moderator!

[Reply #555 on:]

   One-Sentence Reviews

   The Magnificent Seven
   Same as Seven Samurai.

   Seven Samurai
   Same as The Magnificent Seven.

What? No review of Battle Beyond the Stars?

   Such a wasted opportunity.

[Reply #556 on:]

Didn't have the word Seven in the title. Only 0.3 % of people would have got it.

[Reply #557 on:]

Start Trek

I was skeptical about this film as I am about most Hollywood regurgitations (most films these days, apparently).  Since it seemed to get pretty good play in the reviews, I figured I'd go see it.  I'm glad I did since it turned out to be pretty good.  Fears of the Trek franchise turning into Dawson's Creek in space as they grab for a younger cast were unfounded.  I thought the characters were pretty faithful to the original cast.  I was entertained even in spite of the two people with whooping cough/swine flu who flanked me in the row above.  Stay the fuck home if you're going to have to blow your nose every 2 minutes!  I'll give it an A

On a side note, the previews showed why I don't go to the theater that often.  Here's my ratings of the previews:

Land of the Lost: shit

Some movie with Jack Black and that kid from Arrested Development:  Typecast?  George Michael with a caveman wig.  Add Jack Black.  Definitely shit.

G.I. Joe:  Buy our toys, please!  Shit composed of partially digested Taco Bell and White Castle. 

[Reply #558 on:]

Just got back from Star Trek (everybody else was doing it, I just wanted to be popular).
I'm too young to have seen the original series, and I've only ever watched one full Star Trek episode and that was of the Voyager series so it had nothing to do with the characters in this movie as far as I could tell.
So being the unknowledgeable person that I am, my opinion doesn't matter too much. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed the film and it has prompted me to think about getting my hands on the original series so I can expand my cultural knowledge on the visions of the future from the past.

Other junk:
- My boyfriend was the only person to laugh 'out loud' in a packed cinema at "I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" There can't have been enough Star Trek nerds there.

- I can't believe I didn't recognise Eric Bana.

- My developing theory was that because Uhura's redness is in the form of a dress it means she doesn't get killed. It's only shirts that are hazardous. But apparently Scotty wears red too. I guess he's an exception?

- As I said as we were all walking towards the cinema, I assume if they make any more Trek movies they'll introduce a character who gets refered to as Welshie.

Would have been higher if not for that creepy-ass alien thing that hung out with Scotty. Those eyes...fuck they scared the crap out of me.

I thought he was cute.

[Reply #559 on:]

I saw Star Trek today too. I enjoyed it.

As someone who has watched a lot of the various Star Trek tv series (but usually didn't go out of my way to watch them) and some of the earlier movies (up to Undiscovered Country) I'm not sure if I qualify as a 'fan' or not but (unlike some people) I didn't feel that it was too fast-paced (certainly not in comparison with a lot of other movies from the last few years).

My biggest gripe is that, on reflection (i.e. on the way home) it occured to me that the chain of events that supply Nero with his motivation just don't make any sense if you happen to know what things like 'galaxy', 'supernova', and 'black hole' actually are. I'm sure there's some quote about Hollywood's usage of science that involves the phrase 'cheap whore' but I can't remember how it goes.

I thought the actors for both Kirk and Spock did a good enough job of portraying a younger, more immature version of their characters while retaining enough of their trademark characteristics to feel 'right'.

As far as the secondary characters went the only one I would have 'recognised' from the acting alone (i.e. if you took away the accents and racial distinctions) was Bones. The rest just seemed to be an accent, ethnicity, &/or gender filling the 'correct' stations in the ship. (And Scotty reminded me just a little too much of Merry/Pippin for some reason.)

[Actually, it just occurs to me that in the original series, out of Bones, Chekov, Scotty, Sulu, and Uhura, Bones was the only white, male, 'American' so maybe (just maybe) the passing of time + lack of re-warching the episodes has reduced the other roles down to just their visual/oral 'point of distinction' (i.e a cliché) in my memory.]

But as far as entertainment goes I'll give it an A-.