I Don't Read the Reviews, The Reviews Read Me!

[Reply #480 on:]

...same reason as she did...

Mental note: get some teeny bopper girl friends.
*starts cruising underage discos*

I have a good feeling about this!

Edited for totp out-of-context.

[Reply #481 on:]

PEEL 2 prevents embarrassing out-of-context TOTP posts, sadly.

I had two movies to review during the PEEL outage, but now I don't remember what they were, so here's a review of some shitty, Easter cartoon:

Will Vinton's Claymation Easter

Do not watch this shitty piece of shit.  I've seen my share of bad holiday shows, but this one is by far the worst I've ever experienced.  It pushes the Easter Bunny mythos to dangerously stupid new lows, not that the Easter Bunny was a particularly deep character to begin with.

The only redeeming quality is that Jim "Darkwing Duck" Cummings did most of the voices.  What's sad is that Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas is so good.

[Reply #482 on:]

Much Ado About Nothing

Hmm me thinks I should watch more movies made by Gilderoy Lockhart. For I quite enjoyed this one. And what other film will you see Keanu Reeves *cough*fuckingsucks*cough* and Denzel Washington play as brothers? That Shakespeare was a crazy fellow up in here!

A

[Reply #483 on:]

What's sad is that Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas is so good.

The gay dinosaurs is what made it good...

[Reply #484 on:]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southland_Tales

Has anyone seen this? I saw a trailer and it looked great.

[Reply #485 on:]

It's alright, Donnie Darko is leagues better.

[Reply #486 on:]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southland_Tales

Has anyone seen this? I saw a trailer and it looked great.

I thought the same! Saw the DVD and the "By the dude who did Donnie Darko" and thought "ooo!" But everything i have read about it says it's really meh and he tries to hard. Still kinda want to see it though.

[Reply #487 on:]

It was pretty meh. Picked up a copy for $9 at JB some time ago and watched it a few months later.

Its kinda one of those weekly movies you get and return it before the week is up, cause just need something more Comedy/Actiony.

[Reply #488 on:]

Haven't you all been warned about watching Donnie Darko?

Blood Simple
Damn Cohen brothers sure know how to drag out a story, and scenes drag on in silence to build tension, one of their earlier films and it kinda shows in the quality compared to todays (well it came out the year after I was born!)
About a wife who has an affair and her husband isn't too happy about it, it all goes wrong, their later film The Man Who Wasn't There is similar stuff, if I remember correctly.
Oh and I liked the camera shot going along the bar and then over the passed out drunk guys head, "scuse me!"

B

Did you listen to the audio commentary, Faze? I thought that it was the best part!

[Reply #489 on:]

I didn't download one with an audio commentary track.

[Reply #490 on:]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southland_Tales

Has anyone seen this? I saw a trailer and it looked great.

One of the few pretentious indie films worth watching, simply to see a former WWE Wrester act like a neurotic spaz.

[Reply #491 on:]

Now I remember.

Marley and Me

I did not read the book, so I can't compare the two.  I also watched it just before PEEL went all crashy, so all I can do is recount some thoughts on it.  First and foremost, "DURRR HURRR HURRR!  Topical references in past events are funny!"

Also, Jennifer Anniston's character says something along the lines of, "No one tells you how hard the job of being a mom is."

I started to say, "There's some gratuitous target audience wanking."

Then the member of the target audience I was watching the movie with said, "Amen to that, sister."

*facepalm*

Then the dog gets old, sick, and dies, making me think of when my old dog died.  Then I realized my current dog was pretty old too, which made me tear up.  Screw you, you manipulative, dog movie.

[Reply #492 on:]

The book must have been good, it was about as sad as the movie. It brought back memories of when my labrador was old and had to be put down

[Reply #493 on:]

I got bitten by a dog once. May they all get ticks and die.

[Reply #494 on:]

I hope they all shit on your lawn before they pass on. Nevermind.

Marley and Me was quite enjoyable. I want to watch it again.

I saw that movie about the haunting in that one New England state. Shit happened, wasn't really interesting.

C-

[Reply #495 on:]

Marley and Me was hella depressing; Owen Wilson also annoys the balls off me.


Twelve Monkeys
I watched this for the first time last night, it's confusing for about an hour, then it's clear for about twenty minutes, then it's confusing for ten and then it's orgasmic until the end.

Still, I loved it.

A

[Reply #496 on:]

Observe and Report C-

It has funny parts to it but the story just falls apart and goes no where. Very unrealistic storywise, and I think they may have done a butcher job on the editing because there are things in the movie at the end that have changed with no mention of it.

[Reply #497 on:]

To Live and Die in LA
I decided to check out one of William "Gil Grissom" Petersens earlier movies, it's got a few other cool guys like John Tuturro, Willem Dafoe and Dean Stockwell in it too.
Also Robert Downey (yay!)... Snr (awww).
Basically, he's a Secret Service agent at the beginning but then he starts investigating like a detective after the opening titles for some reason, I don't know why... and his older partner is about to retire in 2 days... yeah, guesswhathappensnext?
Yeah, a very creepy Willem Dafoe as a counterfeiter blows him away so Grissom tries to take him down, but in a crazy twist of fate manages to break several laws himself in the process
Including reckless driving, getting an FBI agent killed and robbing his $50,000, wearing srsly overly tight jeans, getting a criminal out of jail for help then losing him when he beats him up and just runs off, boning a whore on parole...

He does all this crazy illegal shit to try and take down Dafoe the legal way, to catch him as a counterfeiter but he's not willing to just go and shoot the fucker?
Doesn't make sense, he even says "I'm gonna bag Masters and I don't give a shit how I do it..."

The music score in this is quite strange as it cuts in in very unusual places, it's very cheesy 80s drumbeat & synth music, like they stole it from Beverly Hills cop without Axel Foley realizing.

D+

That's what I get for listening to Emmy The Taste Kid.

[Reply #498 on:]

The Secret Service was originally created to investigate and catch counterfeiters.  Dignitary protection was added later.

[Reply #499 on:]

The more you know!

[Reply #500 on:]

... The less you care?

[Reply #501 on:]

Also, Jennifer Anniston's character says something along the lines of, "No one tells you how hard the job of being a mom is."

... they don't? I'm not capable of being a mom, what with the penis and all, and yet even I have managed to absorb, through tv, movies, sitcoms, family, friends, and pretty much anywhere there are human females of child-bearing age, that being a mom is hard. How anyone could go through life without gleaning this basic fact is a mystery to me; maybe they keep their ipod earbuds in 24/7,  or gibber constantly on one of those bluetooth phones? Or perhaps they walk around with their fingers in their ears going "lalalalalalalalalalalalalala?" I mean really, not to bead a dead horse, but have they never seen a movie with a mom in it before?

[Reply #502 on:]

I didn't download one with an audio commentary track.

You'll never guess how many steps behind you the law is!

Naked Lunch

There were significantly more than two things wrong with the title, and it was basically an hour and a half of microwaved, bow-tied insanity, but I kind of liked it.

B

[Reply #503 on:]

Surf's Up

I think Happy Feet was a tiny bit better. This one was even worse,more pointless and worse CGI by far.

F


and

Memory

This movie put me to sleep everytime I tried to watch it. The people in it seemed like paper cut outs. It was trying to be like a Twilight Zone and arty farty but really fails.

F

[Reply #504 on:]

Watch better movies.

[Reply #505 on:]

The Attic

This movie makes you wish you were crazy.

[Reply #506 on:]

   Surf's Up

   I think Happy Feet was a tiny bit better. This one was even worse,more pointless and worse CGI by far.

   F

Lol - What you talkin' about, Willis Miss Grumpy-guts?

I thought Surf's Up was great! (And still do.) What with cute baby penguins, glow-worm poop, trophy "love", sea otters, UFO's, squid-on-a-stick, and pee jokes, it was the best avian surfing movie I've ever seen!

[Reply #507 on:]

Surf's Up was pretty good. Happy Feat makes me feel like hurting everyone involved in that film, with my Feat. Goddamn waste of time and money that film was.

Review
The Burrowers


This is something I have not seen since TREMORS, a Western Horror movie, albeit lacking any comedy.

It has a good premise and all right acting, it can be a bit slow as is seen by the beginning of it up until mid Movie but the last half of the movie is what keeps you watching. I am a bit surprised as Horror movies these days usually make me fall asleep before the end.
I did not jump out of my seat at any parts during the film and to be honest, I don't like to as I fell cheapened and ripped off of a good movie with Shock Horror (unless its a Shock Comedy Horror).

8/10 Good if it can keep me seated.

[Reply #508 on:]

I really liked the short lived Tremors TV series.

[Reply #509 on:]

Bananaz

Free-for-view online rockumentary follows The Gorillaz from the earliest developmental and experimental phases on up to  the Demon Days performances in NYC.  Provides good insight into the world of the creative thought that gave rise to the worlds biggest virtual band, and has some dynamic performances, and outstanding music.  The film-making itself however is just very standard Rockumantry film making, that I think would not really speak to anyone who's not already a fan.  Still, for Gorillaz fans, check this out.

[Reply #510 on:]

Slumdog Millionare

Twas good. Danny Boyle is an amazing director. His cinematography is just freaking awesome.

A

   Surf's Up

   I think Happy Feet was a tiny bit better. This one was even worse,more pointless and worse CGI by far.

   F

Lol - What you talkin' about, Willis Miss Grumpy-guts?

I thought Surf's Up was great! (And still do.) What with cute baby penguins, glow-worm poop, trophy "love", sea otters, UFO's, squid-on-a-stick, and pee jokes, it was the best avian surfing movie I've ever seen!

Do you not understand the rules of PEEL?

Rule #212: Hojay hates every movie ever made. Trying to convince her otherwise is just stupid.

But yeah, I love Surf's Up too. The only good thing about Happy Feet was Robin Williams. And that doesn't mean anything in this day in age.

[Reply #511 on:]

Outpost
Mercs hired to secure secret underground bunker, discover invincible Nazi zombies, with Titus Pullo from Rome, pretty good.

B-

True Romance (Tarantino Cut)
Hmmm, great cast, great on paper, but disappointing to me, Christian Slater is nice a naive simple guy who imagines Elvis but is also a vicious drug dealing murderer... confusing.

C+

[Reply #512 on:]

Just watched Aguirre

It was good.

8/10

Edit: THE MONKEYS WERE SO CUTE. Especially when they started swimming toward shore. Awwwwwww
w.

[Reply #513 on:]

One-Sentence Reviews

Burn After Reading
The constant see-saw from ridiculous hilarity to deadly seriousness becomes a little disconcerting, but it's worth it to see that self-absorbed wanker Brad Pitt get his brains blown out.

Independence Day
One of the cheesier examples of Roland Emmerich's strange contempt for landmarks, but still good low-brow fun.

Body of Lies
Exactly the same as Spy Game, but not quite as good.

Spy Game
Slightly better than Body of Lies.

Fun with Dick and Jane
As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't buy rubber-faced goon Jim Carey performing a successful heist.

My Best Friend's Girl
Hackneyed and predictable plot, generic crudity, but wonderfully colourful insults that can be recycled for use in your day to day life!

The Colour of Magic  (2-part TV movie)
Sure, a lot of Terry Prachett's brilliant humor doesn't translate very well into the film format, but it's frickkin' live-action Discworld, man!

Hot Fuzz
Sequel or GTFO!

A View to a Kill
Possibly the worst Bond movie, but certainly the best theme song.

The Others
"I have a great original idea:

Show spoiler

how about a movie where the main character is a ghost and doesn't know it until right at the end?!"

[Reply #514 on:]

The Wicker Man: 1973

I really liked this movie too bad the ending was really predictable.

B+

[Reply #515 on:]

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas


Jesus that movie was draining.

Really good, but fuuuuck, the last 20 minutes was just tragic.

[Reply #516 on:]

I really liked that movie, but I saw the ending coming from a long way away.

[Reply #517 on:]

That's why it was so tragic. You knew what was coming, and it just kept getting worse.

[Reply #518 on:]

The Wrestler
Ok Rourke was very good and damn Tomei looks good in just a thong and stockings, but it's just about a simple aging wrestler guy's swan song, why should I care?
I don't really, and Aronofsky using handcam was a bit strange, gave it a documentary feel I suppose.
B-

[Reply #519 on:]

I am this close to banning you, Faze.