I Don't Read the Reviews, The Reviews Read Me!

[Reply #600 on:]

That woman needs a holiday.

Observe and Report

Yeah..okay. Wasn't as bad as it sounded. Anna Farris somehow made herself look ugly, which was right for the part I suppose. The woman who played Nell looked so familiar but looking at her filmography she's only been minor characters in two things that's I've seen and I don't remember her in them. The trailers before the movie had more laughs. Looking forward to I Love You, Man on Friday.

C

[Reply #601 on:]

@Mole: That's a D? You'd think a decomposed corpse holding a baby would only be warranted for some kind of Super F.

[Reply #602 on:]

If it got an F, presumably the baby would also be a decomposed corpse.

[Reply #603 on:]

any1: Did you think it kind of looked like this chick: Kristen Wiig?

EDIT: Hmm, they don't really look the same, but i remember thinking she looked like someone too..

Also, I Love You, Man is fucking awesome. Much much MUCH better than observe and report.

[Reply #604 on:]

If it got an F, presumably the baby would also be a decomposed corpse.

Touché.

[Reply #605 on:]

I saw Terminator Salvation yesterday. I thought it was good, not great, but very watchable.

[Reply #606 on:]

Terminator Salvation


It was okay. I was entertained and not bored at any stage. The comments about Sam Worthington stealing the show from Christian Bale aren't true in my opinion. I think they both had good performances (not AMAZING), but but they both seemed as good as one another. Liked the bikes.

[Reply #607 on:]

Terminator Salvation

I'll agree that it was very entertaining. Not exactly T2 quality work here, but very enjoyable. Chay, Worthington did steal the show form Bale. Bale's performance was pretty meh compared to the range showed by Worthington. Howard was meh, but I have to say that the best performance other than Worthington was Helena Boneham Carter; now there's a show stealer! And I liked the Schwarzenegger T800 at the end.
I'll give it a B- (near a 65% on my scale, I would give it a 60 on Rotten Tomatoes). Decently good, but not fantastic at all.

[Reply #608 on:]

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

I had absolutely no desire to see this movie--I think that's true of anyone above the age of six--but I went out with a few friends last night and this was what we wound up seeing. I've never seen the first movie, but that doesn't really matter, since I figure it's just as mindless as this sequel.

It wasn't horrible, per se, but it was pretty freaking stupid. And the supposedly climactic final battle went on forever (although it did utilize Abe Lincoln as a deus ex machina, which was kind of impressive), and there were maybe three decent jokes in the entire movie, and the whole Ben-Stiller-falls-in-love-with-Amelia-Earhart thing was just kind of sad. In fact, the whole movie's pretty sad, when you consider its premise: lonely, unsatisfied guy talks to museum exhibits, displays a deep desire to bone one of them, and risks his life to save a miniature Owen Wilson (who's decked out like a cowboy, just for the record).

There was a pretty cool visual where Stiller and Amy Adams were inside V-J Day in Times Square, and Hank Azaria and Robin Williams were kind of funny (so was Amy Adams, actually, though she and Ben Stiller had zilch going on in the chemistry department). But overall, the only thing I liked about the movie was how much it enabled me to be an obnoxious jerk; I mocked plot points and dialogue as I saw fit. Which meant I was talkin' more than listenin'.

C (As if it matters...)

[Reply #609 on:]

I'm watching the opening credits of Carrie and I'm liking what Brian de Palma is doing with his cinematography!

Yep, a lot.

EDIT: NOW I AM SUDDENLY FILLED WITH HATE AND FEAR FOR SOMETHING I CAN NEVER TRULY UNDERSTAND AS A MALE!!! AGH, AGH, AGH, STOP IT! 

[Reply #610 on:]

any1: Did you think it kind of looked like this chick: Kristen Wiig?

No...not really...but yeah, she does remind me of somebody. Probably me in a former life.

Also, I Love You, Man is fucking awesome. Much much MUCH better than observe and report.

I concur. Finally saw it tonight, after my boyfriend pulled a muscle in his back on Thursday morning (getting out of the shower? What a wuss) so we couldn't go on Friday. I guilted him into it today. But I win because it was most amusing and we both have a crush on Jason Segel which was satisfied. I identified with Paul Rudd's character because he always said really awkward things and was giving Sydney a new nickname every time they spoke.

Maz's Memorable Moments:

- Peter's dad being 'best friends' with his gay son, when the character he played in Oz was a homophobic hypocrite.

- "And it smells like fart."

- The jerk-off station. In fact, the whole man cave. I know I'm not a guy but I'd love something like that. Reminded me of this beer commercial from a few years back. I loved that idea. They sound so 'Aussie'...

And best of all:
- "Why does everything I do sound like a leprechaun?"

Everyone from the American version of The Office seems to be doing movies all of a sudden. I knew I recognised B.J. Novak in the preview for Inglorious Basterds. They only showed him very briefly. Heh, 'B.J.'

[Reply #611 on:]

Oh, man, Carrie.
*cringes*
Excellent, excellent quintessential 70s horror.

I'm watching the opening credits of Carrie and I'm liking what Brian de Palma is doing with his cinematography!

Yeah. That atmospheric style of filming just contributes to the overall creepiness and brooding sense of foreboding.                 Not to mention the music in that movie, as well.
Dressed to Kill is creepy, too.

Ooh, but check out 1973's Sisters, also; I think that was his first film, and similarly stylized, interesting and gory.

[Reply #612 on:]

Up

It was one of Pixar's middle of the road movies like ratatouille (it wasn't good, it wasn't bad). Wall-E was better and wasn't as predictable as this movie. I didn't like dug that much. C+

Taken...

a dump. I didn't like it.

Fanboys

It was a really cute and funny pointless movie about Star Wars. B

[Reply #613 on:]

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I've wanted to see this movie since it first came out in theaters (which probably says something bad about me personally), so I guess I had high expectations. And they were met, mostly--this movie was hilarious. Dirty as sin, but hilarious. It's the first Kevin Smith movie I've seen in its entirety (I've seen parts of Clerks), and I get that it's Kevin Smith Lite, but I did think the dialogue was particularly brilliant. I think I've gotta get my hands on some of his other, less conventional stuff. Not to say that this movie was conventional, but it did succumb to a few cliches.

I will say, though, that I can't help but picture Smith having a schizoid argument with himself, along the lines of "You got earnest romantic comedy in my raunchy sex movie/No, you got raunchy sex movie in my earnest romantic comedy." Which is to say that, for all the dirty pretense, there's also a sweetness to the movie. Granted, it's of the forced, friends-have-sex-and-then-it's-weird-afterwards-'cause-they've-secretly-been-in-love-(albeit-not-to-their-knowledge)-for-years variety. But Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks (who, somehow, convinced me that they had romantic chemistry) are just hysterical, and so dang loveable; they make it work. (I mean, anyone who can convince me that having sex with Seth Rogen could be an enjoyable experience is a great actor.)

Also: Justin Long is hysterical. And Brandon Routh is yummy. And they both should've been in the movie a bit more (but at least they have about a half-hour of deleted scenes devoted to them on the DVD).

A

[Reply #614 on:]

Fanboys

It was a really cute and funny pointless movie about Star Wars. B

Does the B stand for SUCK?
That movie sucked.

[Reply #615 on:]

One-Sentence Reviews

Terminator: Salvation
CGI Arnie for Governor!

The Spirit
It’s all a massively over-acted shade of utterly ridiculous.

The Illusionist
A repetitive, but occasionally surprising period drama about stage magic that’s almost as good as The Prestige but not quite because Jessica Beil can’t act.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
And to think, now none of this ever happened.

The Interpreter
Should have been called The Glaringly Enormous and Unlikely Coincidence Ruining an Otherwise Excellent Script, but I guess that was too long.

Curse of the Golden Flower
Everybody dies pointlessly; this is sooo the film Shakespeare would have made if he’d been Chinese, and a filmmaker.

The French Connection 2
Hackman’s loud obnoxious American cop, while accurate, is grating within the refined French setting, proving that for everybody’s sake Americans should never go anywhere without a tour group.

Entrapment
Sean, you randy old bastard!

Collateral
I love it when Tom Cruise dies.

Dr. No
This is where it started, the very first proper James Bond movie – and it’s crap.

Octopussy
Despite a vaguely realistic plot (as the Moore films go) it’s still difficult to take seriously, even ignoring the title, when you see Bond dressed as a clown…

The Man With the Golden Gun
Scaramanga is a gay name.

The Living Daylights
Timothy Dalton’s competent debut to the Bond franchise is marred somewhat by the ‘Russian’ transport plane clearly changing from a C-130 to a C-123 between shots… c’mon people!

Licence to Kill
Ironically Dalton’s much-criticized gritty and brooding take on Bond was the same angle that was so successful at reinvigorating the series with Casino Royale.

[Reply #616 on:]

I would put to you sir that coldangel is way gayer than Scaramanga! A-ha!

The International
Hmm, it was ok, in a time when people want to punch big banks collectively in the face I guess it works as a revenge fantasy thriller of sorts. But I felt it dragged on a big and I didn't really care about what was happening
Some stuff didn't really make sense, like having two snipers to kill one of the guys, if the 2nd guy was supposed to get away and the 1st guy was hired to get caught but they knew about the 2nd guy straight away, what was the point of hiring the other guy in the first place? They could have saved some goddamn money!
I thought these were supposed to be bankers, not lets-waste-money-on-unnecessary-sniper-ers.
I still liked Clive Owen (swoon) and Naomi Watts was ok (even though she skipped mourning her husband pretty quickly at the start)

C-

[Reply #617 on:]

Terminator: Salvation
Look, I'm willing to accept the hundreds of plot holes, cliches, and the "back to status quo" ending this thing was crawling with, because it was dumb fun. But I can't accept A SKYNET ROBOT DESIGNED FOR NOTHING MORE THAN SENTRY POSITION TO BE WEARING A STYLISH BANDANA. .

[Reply #618 on:]

Isn't the whole point of the Terminators that they're meant to be mistaken as human? Only from a distance in the older models obviously, but still... that explains the scraps of clothing?

[Reply #619 on:]

The robot I'm talking about appears as an immobile guard in a human concentration camp - it doesn't look like it was designed for infiltration, the bandana wouldn't protect it from anything, and there would be no point in it wearing a bandana, even to psychologically torment the prisoners (they were slated for experimentation or something). And at this point in the Terminator timeline, models designed to look human were still in the prototype stage!

IT MAKES NO SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENSE!!

[Reply #620 on:]

...Oh er... um... It was protecting exposed circuits? Susceptible to rain and/or sunlight? I dunno.

[Reply #621 on:]

The Shiralee
No, it's not a recent movie blockbuster, it's a 1985 miniseries I've seen recently.
At first it seems kind of boring, but I'm glad I didn't turn it off because it progressed into a really good story.
I think it's rather good acting for a six year old, Rachal Smarts performance was pretty awesome. Billy Brown was also good at portraying a 1930s country bloke, I was actually surprised to find out it was made at this time.
Recommend this. A

[Reply #622 on:]

Burnt Offerings (1976)

A stupid movie were only stupid things happen. Too bad there wasn't a MST3K or a Rifftrack of this movie, it needs one.  It was kinda funny on it's own really...

D+ Only because it was so bad it made me laugh.

Here's a quick video about this movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6wB2smPfF8

[Reply #623 on:]

Sabrina (1954)

I loved this movie it was so sweet and simple. Audrey Hepburn is just one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. And this dress:



I want this dress. I would love this to be my prom dress actually.

A

Now as for the 95' remake, all I can say is that if you feel the need to watch it, only watch it for Harrison Ford. The chick who plays Sabrina doesn't hold a candle to Audrey Hepburn. She sucks.

[Reply #624 on:]

Drag Me To Hell
Scary means turn it up LOOOUUUD!
Ya there were a few jumpy moments, and a few gross ridiculous moments, but that's Sam Raimi for ya.
Alison Lohman is a cutiebutt.

B+

[Reply #625 on:]

The ending was so predictable, but they waited so long to reveal it that you're thinking....hmm, maybe not? But then bam! Predictable.
Agreed on the grade and Lohman's butt.

[Reply #626 on:]

I thought Justin Long was gonna get it a few times.

[Reply #627 on:]

Night of the Living Dead remake - 7 - Annoying characters
Gallipoli - 9.5 - Inpactful
*Star Trek - 9.5 - What that guy said
Matchstick Men - 8.5 - Ridley Scott's most underrated.
Man on Wire - 10 - Epic and inspiring and beautiful
Son of Rambow - 7.5 - Not as good as I expected, still decent
how to lose friends and alienate people  - 7 - Had a few funny parts
No Country for old men  - 8 - On par with the book..
Synecdouch, New York  - 9 - Beautiful and amazing, Charlie Kaufman better make more movies or else
Paprika  - 7 - wtf
Die Hard - 10 - Best.
Just Buried - 6.5 - Some movie
City of God  - 9.5 - Great, but oddly missing something..
Fandy y Lis - 4 - I wanted to like it, I really did
Casino - 7 - Boring, slow, Scorsese is the most overrated director...
Goodfellas - 7 - Boring, slow
Gore From Outer Space - 3.5 - Boring
Vegas Vacation - 8 - I really like this series
Matrix - 9 - Fun
Matrix Reloaded - 7.5 - ehh...
The 400 Blows - 8 - Slow, but alright
Innerspace - 7 - Interesting...
Matrix Revolutions - 7.5 - The zion attack scene is intense
Simon of the Desert - 7 - Tedious, then bizarre.
Futurama Into The Wild Green Yonder - 6 - A disappointing end to 4 disappointing movies
Sans Soleil - 8 - Conflicting
Planes Trains and Automobiles - 9 - Sad
La Jetee - 8 - Pretty cool
American Beauty - 10 - Masterpiece
Chasing Amy - 7 - Forgettable
Dawn of the Dead extended - 9 - Adventurous!
The Triplets of Belleville - 10 - Majestic
X Men 2 - 8 - Great
Sympathy for Mr Vengeance 9 - Crazy
Man Bites Dog - 8 - Funny

[Reply #628 on:]

You didn't like Goodfellas? I though Goodfellas was awesome...

[Reply #629 on:]

American Beauty - 10 - Masterpiece

Word. Easily one of the best movies I've ever seen in my short, philistinic life.

As for a review of my own: Uh...I watched Aladdin earlier this week. It's still a pretty fun movie, even though I'm ostensibly too old to be watching it. Still, I'm surprised that I enjoyed it so much when I was younger, seeing as how there's not a poop joke to be found. There are, however, monkeys. I guess that's what held my little toddler interest.

[Reply #630 on:]

lol at Son of Rambow getting a higher score than Goodfellas. Please ban her again.

[Reply #631 on:]

I do the one-sentence reviews!

[Reply #632 on:]

I would have made every one of those movies a separate post if I wasn't banned. You can blame Fazeshift for that. Besides mine are a different format.

[Reply #633 on:]

Format schormat - I will eat your soul!

[Reply #634 on:]

* Frisco brings Coldy his apron and the spork of a thousand souls.

[Reply #635 on:]

Slaughter

A really f**ked up movie, also the ending was sad.
Pedobear was also in this movie. It was alright.

B

[Reply #636 on:]

You can blame Fazeshift for that.

BAWWW, blame anyone but yourself, porn poster.

Death To Smoochy
Refreshing to see Ed Norton play a more lighthearted role, he plays Smoochy, a naive kids TV pink Rhino character who gets called in after Rainbow Randolph (a great revenge-fueled Robin Williams) gets fired for corruption, and whacky adventure ensues.
Catherine Keener, Danny DeVito and John Stewart are good in it too.

A-

[Reply #637 on:]

I watched The New World.

Terrance Mallick is a brilliant director but I sense this isn't his best work. It's beautifully shot of course with some of the best shots you'll ever see, but the plot goes awry the longer it continues. Not as good as The Thin Red Line.

8/10

[Reply #638 on:]

I do the one-sentence reviews!

In his defense, a lot of them aren't complete sentences.  Some of them aren't even words.

[Reply #639 on:]

Coldy doesn't like people doing his jobs. Brace yourself.