Nomination-Worthy Posts Thread Harder

[Reply #320 on:]

You beat me to it, you flaming shitbag.   

[Reply #321 on:]

Everything in this thread so far.

I unnominate everything in this thread since then, as things have gotten far too serious.

[Reply #322 on:]

You beat me to it, you flaming shitbag.   

You're welcome, you cockthumping barfguzzler.

[Reply #323 on:]

Everything in this thread so far.

I unnominate everything in this thread since then, as things have gotten far too serious.

My poor, unfortunate thread. It started as a fun way to settle a disagreement, and it's turned into a gender war. A big, alien, rock monster is going to neuter us all.

As for nomination worthy post, I say Spacedal11's shitbag post too.

[Reply #324 on:]

You beat me to it, you flaming shitbag.   

You're welcome, you cockthumping barfguzzler.

Calm down, you buttweasels.

Anyway, I'll quote anything DrT posted the very, very recent past.
HOP ON THE DRTHUNDER BANDWAGON!

[Reply #325 on:]

Also, my dearest boasel, I can't show you a picture of what a cunt actually is without getting banned.

I can:

Show spoiler

Have I told you recently that I love you, Tachy?

[Reply #326 on:]

It was a cheap shot... so I took it!

[Reply #327 on:]

Did someone deleted my post?

No, you just unintentionally posted it in the tabletop game thread.

Ops..  thanks... well it was the goat video anyway

At least you've gotten your first argument out of the way, so you don't have to worry about that.

Hopefully the first of many to come.

As for getting lucky on Valentine's, I pegged SolidSnake as a very innocent bloke who probably wouldn't go for it so soon. However, what do I know? Maybe his snake will be feeling especially solid that day.

[Reply #328 on:]

As for getting lucky on Valentine's, I pegged SolidSnake as a very innocent bloke who probably wouldn't go for it so soon. However, what do I know? Maybe his snake will be feeling especially solid that day.

Brilliant.

[Reply #329 on:]

Awww, thanks.

EDIT: DAMMIT, I'm dying over here.

Day four
Things were going pretty well with the new girl. We were snuggled up together, watching ultra-porn, when I made the mistake of turning to her, and looking deeply into her eyes. Before I knew it, she had thrown me to the floor, and was mounting me, air-humping my butt like a crazed baboon in mating season. In all honesty, it wasn't really too weird until she pressed her crotch against my ass and released the contents of her bladder whilst screaming "you're mine now! Don't forget that I own you!", before demurely crawling back to the couch, curling up under the duvet, and patting the sofa coquettishly as an invitation to sit back down with her.

I'm a little scared, but on the plus side, I think this means that she's my girlfriend now. As long as I don't step out of line, I think she'll be good to me...

[Reply #330 on:]

And for To-Day's amusement I present you a two-fer, starring Xan and The Doctor.  Honorable mention to tnuk for the setup:

So, a hospital vending machine gave me two ice cream sandwiches when I asked for one.

Best seventy-five cents spent today. It madeth me smile.

Which Catholic saint is in charge of vending machines?

There is no saint who has patronage over vending machines, however, I can think of a few who might have interceded on my behalf in this situation. The first would be St. Honorius, the patron saint of bakers, confectioners, and pastry chefs. The ice cream was between two quite delicious cookies, which could possibly have been quite pleasing to him. Another possibility would be St. Brigid, patron saint of dairy workers, who could have desired to promote her industry by being generous with the ice cream itself. Finally, the last person who comes to mind is St. Eligius, who is not only the patron saint against poverty and for coin collecting, but also for electricians, computer scientists, and mechanics.

Of course, it could also be the saint who stuffed too many ice cream sandwiches into the machine, causing it to accidentally dispense more than one. At any rate, whoever is responsible has my sincere gratitude.

A short prayer before making a selection couldn't hurt.  Call it a vendediction, if you will.

[Reply #331 on:]

This whole run of posts cracked me up (first one included for context):

Only vaguely related and a completely overblown story, but still hilarious: Pope says 'fuck' or 'penis' or something else nasty in Vatican address.

The Pope randomly inserts the word "penis" into his sentences?

This proves it. Winna is the Pope.

My whole world is shaken, and it feels oh so good.

I'm not sure what the big deal is, though. He's not the first pope to inappropriately insert a penis.

[Reply #332 on:]

Returning the favor- this quote made me giggle too much:

My ex gave me honoraria. It's not pleasant...

[Reply #333 on:]

When it gets to level 36, it'll change again.

[Reply #334 on:]

For BF, and honourable humorous mention to coffeeBot

coffeeBot found this humerus.

[Reply #335 on:]

Oh, and by the way, Tnuk, you're under arrest for misuse of the Queen's gold to fund a moonbase with laser cannon defenses.

I don't have anything to argue against here, I'd just like to clarity: All genuine attempts to cheer someone up are good and should be encouraged, even if they don't actually help. (Unless, y'know, someone's trying to help you by enchanting a Bludger to almost kill you. Then it's okay.)

"Weasel-whacking dickfarmer" is a subjective term. I might not actually be a weasel-whacking dickfarmer, you just think that I'm a weasel-whacking dickfarmer. But maybe I am a weasel-whacking dickfarmer. So what? I've the right to be. If I've the right to be a weasel-whacking dickfarmer, then I've the right and the obligation to suffer the consequences of being a weasel-whacking dickfarmer, which are both being called a "weasel-whacking dickfarmer" and possibly feeling bad about being called a weasel-whacking dickfarmer.

Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you should do it or that it's a good idea. What if I want to electrocute my puppy? It's my puppy! I have the right to do whatever I want to it! You know what, I'm going to go electrocute a puppy just to prove you wrong.
If you have the right to electrocute your puppy (which is probably against the law, but I'm sure it happens anyway from time to time), then you also have the right and the responsibility to deal with the consequences. Having the right isn't always a good thing--take, for example, the right to remain silent.
(Oh no, my puppy is dead now.)

I drew a little chart about the difference between normal unhappiness (which is what I am arguing that [virtually] everyone has the right to feel, even about their own mistakes and their consequences) and self-pity.

[Reply #336 on:]

I came here to nominate that chart. I see that Xanfor has beaten me to it. May he experience the uncontrollable urge to lick the ears of a stranger in public!*
*As curses go, you might not think that this is much. But I think that for Xanfor in particular, this would be a particularly horrifying scenario. If not, please accept my apologies and I'll go think up something a little more awful.

[Reply #337 on:]

Motor Oil is a nomination-worthy post herself. Whoever she is, I like her. She's got blazin' fire in 'er heart, hot damn! Don't pick a fight with this chick.

[Reply #338 on:]

Did she draw a preg belly on the un-productive person, then decide against it?

[Reply #339 on:]

Did she draw a preg belly on the un-productive person, then decide against it?

It was supposed to be a fat belly (cause of ice cream) but I thought it would look pregnant, and being pregnant is productive.

[Reply #340 on:]

I suppose, if being re-productive counts.

that may have been your joke in the first place and I just completely spelled it out.

[Reply #341 on:]

Motor Oil is a nomination-worthy post herself. Whoever she is, I like her. She's got blazin' fire in 'er heart, hot damn! Don't pick a fight with this chick.

What's up with the trend of new posters being so incredibly good?  Well except for that one guy talking about closing his Facebook....

Hopefully this one won't leave after about a month, like a certain laser captain.

[Reply #342 on:]

Motor Oil seems like a fake account of tnuk's. Which isn't an insult, at least if it's not true.

[Reply #343 on:]

M0le does it again.

Here is a turtle made out of a pineapple, a carrot, and some weiners for legs.
He is being impaled by lots of chicken skewers:

That's probably the most adorable thing I've ever wanted to eat.

It's kebabs (and possibly pineapple) all the way down, I'm afraid.

[Reply #344 on:]

I only loved the quote because I recognized it as a Yogscast reference, but now that I know that it isn't originally a Yogscast quote, I'm somewhat disappointed but enlightened at the knowledge I have recieved. But shame on you M0le, for making me think otherwise!

[Reply #345 on:]

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You just need one if you want to do other things afterward.

*snicker*

[Reply #346 on:]

I don't know anyone who speaks Spanish, but my sister is trying to learn it, so maybe in years when/if she's fluent she can translate it, if you're still interested.

Yes, I'm still interested!  Let me know soon!

WitchRaven is officially the greatest PEELer who ever PEELed.

At least, since KurtPikachu, anyway.

Because they're totally not the same person.

[Reply #347 on:]

No. PEEL uses no form of encryption between the site and your browser. Your password is clearly visible to anyone who can view your web traffic.

And strangely, so has most SSL connections in the past two years.  Moreover, the Heartbleed bug also allows access to anything in the memory of the server at the time.  Which means non-SSL connections were actually more safe during the past two years.

[Reply #348 on:]

Legit Lego

Say this quote out loud. You'll like the world slightly more than you did before.

[Reply #349 on:]

I have given some thought to what I would like engraved on the inside of my wedding band.

How about this:

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

It's a traditional declaration of unity, in one of the world's most ancient languages. Nothing will speak greater volumes about the love you share than this.

I think that might a bit long to fit on the inside of a band. It also will be visible even when not heated up.

These two are so very perfect for each other.

[Reply #350 on:]

You know, on account of I am a pimp.

You pimp children? I think you're logged into the wrong account, Freako.

Is that really a fair comparison? Pimping out children for the depraved enjoyment of others and wanting to bone 'em yourself are two very different things.

Neither are very good things, but whatever.

[Reply #351 on:]

Fuck them happy bitches.

That's the plan.

[Reply #352 on:]

[Reply #353 on:]

Last night I had a dream that my dog was pregnant. Weirdest sex dream ever.

No bullshit. Setup and punch line. Love it.

[Reply #354 on:]

I know coffeeBot just won POTM, but this post is still nomination-worthy.

Naturally, a woman standing outside MUST be a prostitute. Kinda like how a woman walking outside with groceries wants to be called 'baby' and 'thunder thighs'. It helps their fragile self-esteem.

[Reply #355 on:]

Meanwhile, female defecation takes place in the form of fingernail cleanings: feces gradually sprout from the pores underneath the nails and are pushed away from the fingers during masturbation, when sweat and vaginal juices work through the dried coating, forcing it from the skin as the body reaches maximal temperature.

[Reply #356 on:]

coffeeBot does it again:

I find that my attraction to men is positively correlated with their proficiency in statistics.

It's not necessary a causal relationship, of course.

[Reply #357 on:]

Local Subway is hiring for nights and weekends. 10-15 hours a week. Sounds perfect for me.

Are you sure food service is the best career choice? I'm not sure they make hairnets big enough to contain your mighty 'fro.

[Reply #358 on:]

Strip Monopoly. Loser has to take off a garment. You could have somebody naked in under a week!

Wait till you see what happens when you land on free parking.

[Reply #359 on:]

I got new glasses:

You are a female Nibblonian Leader.

Technically, she was around first, so he's a male HoJay.