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Author Topic: Best Futurama Quotes  (Read 93314 times)
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canned eggs

Space Pope
« Reply #680 on: 10-08-2003 18:17 »
« Last Edit on: 10-08-2003 18:17 »

Cartridge Unit: Your mother.

Edit: TOTPD.

« Reply #681 on: 10-08-2003 19:18 »

Can't remember exaclty but went something like this

Amy and Fry are in a bar and people are all around dancing with big hula hoops.
Fry: I like the rings. I think they are cool.
Amy: They aren't cool they are stupid. That is why they are cool.
Australian guy: Did he say he thinks the rings are cool?
Amy: No. He said they were stupid.
Australian guy: Coooool!

Bending Unit
« Reply #682 on: 10-08-2003 19:19 »

hmmmm.. its either

(fry and bender walk into a room that looks like that escher drawing)
Bender: its great and all but, i dont know if we want to pay for a dimension we cant use.
(bender falls all over the screen)

- I, Roomate

fry: but wont that change history?
professeur: oh, a lesson in not changing history from mr. im my own grand father!!

- Roswell that Ends Well

well, niether are as funny out of context
Prof. Wernstrum

Starship Captain
« Reply #683 on: 10-09-2003 05:29 »

Adelai: "Leela, you're 999,999 in a million"

Professor: "You over there!"
Leela: "Me?"
Professor: "I don't have time for your lengthy questions!"

Professor: "Good news everyone! With the denfences up, there's no way Santa can hurt us, as long as noone's stupid enough to go outside"
Everyone: "Hooray!"
Professor: "On an unrelated topic. You've all been hired to deliver these children's letters to Santa at his Death Fortress on Neptune"

DOOP Leader: "Captain Leela, is this rambling tale of magic and heroism true?"
Leela: "Well..."
Professor: "That's it, if they fire him, we can keep him as captain"
Leela: "It's all true! My female incompetence! Zapp's cat-like reflexes! The stuff that made no sense! All of it!"

« Reply #684 on: 10-09-2003 14:07 »
« Last Edit on: 10-09-2003 14:07 »

Sorry if these have been said before but this thread is way too long!  And do i look like a person who is not lazy? So deal with it, ok?

Fry: "It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"

"alright look... our policy is for any reason you are not compleatly satisfied...i hate you."

Fry: "Come on Bender its up to you to make you're oun decions in life.  That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots."
Bender: "You're full of crap Fry!" *gets zapped by electrical thingy* "You make a persuasive argument Fry!"

I love those!    :p
canned eggs

Space Pope
« Reply #685 on: 10-09-2003 20:45 »

Fry: Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?

Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish.

1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #686 on: 10-09-2003 22:19 »

Roswell That Ends Well:
Fry: She sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away!
Enos: Yeah, folks say that, but did you ever get the feeling you're only going with girls cause you're supposed to?
Fry: WHAT? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive!

and of course the quote in my signature...

The Cyber House Rules:

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #687 on: 10-10-2003 12:38 »

The Professor: "Who is it, Hermes? Is it visitors? I want to meet them."
Hermes: "It's nobody! Now sign that will I gave you."

Have I posted this one before? Oh, well here goes:

Leela: "Fry, if I drop dead from exhaustion make sure my body freezes in a dignified position. None of that huddled over for warmth crap!"
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #688 on: 10-10-2003 22:46 »

The Farnsworth Parabox:
Freakworth: Dig it! All of you fitting in this box is like seriously freaked up.
Farnsworth: Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.
Freakworth: Dude. There's a universe in all of us.
Freak-Amy: Right on, professor Freakworth.
Farnsworth: Get a job!

« Reply #689 on: 11-02-2003 14:39 »

Lucy Lui: oh fry, you're as romantic as the stars, and the sky, and the POETIC IMAGE NUMBER 37 NOT FOUND.
Lt. Kroker

Bending Unit
« Reply #690 on: 11-02-2003 14:45 »
« Last Edit on: 11-02-2003 14:45 »

Fry: Try shocking him!
Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
Fry: Damnit, we'll have to fix the engine ourselves.
Leela: We can't, you bastard!

EDIT: 300th post!

« Reply #691 on: 11-03-2003 11:28 »

That guy: my only regret is that i have ..... bonitis

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #692 on: 11-03-2003 11:31 »

Bender: Helmut Spargle has a message for you. He says (hoarse) "Ooo, I'm dead!"
Elzar: Spargle huh? What he do, bland himself to death?
Bender: No. He was eating some food I made and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him.
Elzar: OK, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.
Agent Rodriquez

Delivery Boy
« Reply #693 on: 11-03-2003 11:58 »

Zapp: "Thats a route for school girls...Now this is a route with some chest hair!"

Zapp: "Kif, I have the captains itch."
Kif: "I'll get the powder."
Zapp: "No! The itch for adventure!"

Starship Captain
« Reply #694 on: 11-04-2003 18:08 »

The day the earth stood stupid

Leela: Nooooo! ahhhh, fire hot.
Farnsworth: The profesy will help.  AGHHHH! fire indeed hot.

pure genius

Delivery Boy
« Reply #695 on: 11-27-2003 23:16 »
« Last Edit on: 11-27-2003 23:16 »

zoidberg: welcome to my life! (cries)

............................. ................

zoidberg: oh, you are so kind! I am so very humble.

(lady comes and gives him hot chocolate)

zoidberg: what?! No marshmallows?!?! 
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #696 on: 11-28-2003 00:34 »
« Last Edit on: 12-19-2003 23:00 »

Spanish Fry:
Fry: Bigfoot? Is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot! I see through the monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go *coo, coo*. But in the end they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Obsoletely Fabulous:
Speaker: And now, the woman who mom-opolizes the robot industry...
Fry: I get it!
Speaker: Mom!
Fry: Oh...now I get it.

300 Big Boys:
Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You've been up all night?
Fry: Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap." *snores* Coffee time!
Bender: *gets cigar out* Ah, mighty fine smokable.
Fry: Fancy cigar. Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff, go, go, go, go, go!
(I wish I had that much coffee...I love coffee)

Bend Her:
Coilette: Zoidypoo, please tell me frilly is in this year.
Zoidberg: I saw a frilly cake in here you'd remember all your life! I know I will. Late at night it haunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, dammit!

Bender Should Not Be Allowed On TV:
Bender: And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings:
Fry: That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
Bender: Oh, but you can! Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically I mean get your coat.

(There's one other qutoe that Bender says in some episode but I can't think of it at the moment.If I do think of it I'll come back and post it. *wink* )

Delivery Boy
« Reply #697 on: 11-28-2003 11:18 »

leela: ah! your hands are so cold!

(robot devil yelling from under ground)robot devil: and yet hell is so hot!!! Muahahahaha!...can i have my hands back now?

fry: No!

robot devil: your not nice!!

-the devils hand are idle play things

Delivery Boy
« Reply #698 on: 11-28-2003 11:32 »

this might be a lil bit wrong..

(fry is writing in book, reading outloud) fry: and the brain left, for no apparent reason

(brain goes to door): im leaving for no apparent rason!
canned eggs

Space Pope
« Reply #699 on: 11-28-2003 15:50 »

Bender: I hope they can make change for a fortune.

Bending Unit
« Reply #700 on: 11-29-2003 00:21 »

It was something like:

Fry: Aha! Now he is trapped in my book, a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors!

Master Brain: The Big Brain am winning again! I am the greetest! I wil now leave earth for no aparent rasin! (leaves)

Space Pope
« Reply #701 on: 11-29-2003 04:18 »

Zoidberg: So he's not perfect. You don't want to end up cold and lonely like ZOIDBERG! *cries*
You were saying?

Bender: That's the worlds greatest robot artist, Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went craaazy and had one installed.

Fry: You're on a date. What's the first thing you do?
Zoidberg: Ask her to mate with me.
Fry: No! Tell her she's special!
Zoidberg: But she's not! She's simply the female with the largest collection of eggs.
Fry: Then, tell her that!
Zoidberg: Then mating?
Fry: No! Just make up some feelings and tell her ya have them!
Zoidberg: Is desire to mate a feeling?

That Guy: There are two kinds of people. Sheep and Sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Any questions?
Zoidberg: Er, which is the one people like to cuddle?

Zoidberg: This companies circling the drain I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich!
That Guy: Sold!
Zoidberg: A compplete sandwich? Ahahah! You got fleeced! I would have settled for a hot roll with ketchup inside!

Kif: Sir, they're coming straight for us.
Zapp: A well calculated move, straight out of Sun Sui's classic text 'The art of war'. Or my own masterwork, 'Zapp Branigans big book of war'. But the one thing they're Captain doesn't realize, and never will, is that -
Kif: Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard.

Pharaoh edel

« Reply #702 on: 11-29-2003 15:32 »

"Thats little Bender your talking about, I can't cut it off. Your not a robot or a man so you wouldn't understand."
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #703 on: 11-29-2003 15:43 »

Fry: Now, ask her how her day was.
Zoidberg: Why would I want to know?
Fry: You wouldn't. Ask anyway!
Zoidberg: How was your day?
Edna: Well, first I got up and had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish...
Zoidberg: Fry, look what you did! She won't shut up.
Fry: That's normal. Just nod your head and say uh huh'.
Zoidberg: Uh huh. Uh huh.
Edna: And then you threw an octopus at my window!

Bending Unit
« Reply #704 on: 12-13-2003 00:29 »

There are several great quotes, and picking one would be like playing favorites with children.  Here's a few great ones:

"We've all learned an important lesson today.  I realise now that....dude....my hands are huge!  They can touch anything....but themselves.  Oh wait.......Woooahhh.....Whee. ..I feel like I'm flying!"

"Computers may be twice as fast as they were back in 1973, but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.  The only one who's changed is me.  I've become bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years!  And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our orphans organs to zoos for meat.  And I'll go into peoples houses at night and wreck up the place!  MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"Ever wonder what makes special sauce so special?  Yo."

"Please, Mr. Nixon.  Look into your sense of moral decency!"

"Down with Bender!  Down with Bender!  Down with Bender!"

"Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?"

"You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was."

The list goes on and on.  So many great quotes.  I just can't choose a fav.

Bending Unit
« Reply #705 on: 12-13-2003 08:25 »

I think Zoidberg has some of the greatest lines ever likes..........

Bender: Hey, I don't see anyone kissin my @$$!
Zoidberg: Alright I'm Coming
           ~I Second that Emotion

There are more i will give some
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #706 on: 12-14-2003 05:02 »

Bender: Why aren't you working? ...I meant yourself to death.
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #707 on: 12-14-2003 23:58 »

Bender: Interesting. No the other thing...teidious.

  :laff:   :laff:   :laff:

Bending Unit
« Reply #708 on: 12-15-2003 00:20 »
« Last Edit on: 12-15-2003 00:20 »

Here's some more classics:
tonights episode of choice...

The Honking:
"May I suggest some make-up?  It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case."

Robot Ghost: Come Bender.  You'll like being dead.
Bender: That's what they said about being alive.

[Edited due to deleted scenes]
"To my loyal butler I leave pitnce to be payed back in the form of a 1/6 of a pintce each.

Butler:  I spent [insert #] years buff'n dat mans arss.  Always 'buff muy arss! Buff muy arss!  How I loved buff'n dat mans ass.  Gahuhuh(crying).
To my nephew who never knew the value of a dollar, I leave my $(I forget certain amounts) fortune.

Nephew:  Is that a lot?

And to Bender, I leave my mansion.

Bender:  Oh boy.  Let's stay there tonight.

On condition that he spends one night within its walls.

Bender: Awww..there's always a catch!"

"Thug 1: I don't know which I love more.  Smashin cars or smashin bodies?

Thug 2: Lucky you don't hafta decide tonight.  Now come on.  We've got church tomorrow."

Calculon: The windshield wipers from that car that played Nightrider.

Fry:  Wait.  Nightrider wasn't evil.

Calculon:  Its windshield wipers were.  Wasn't mentioned very much in the show.'

Leela:  Oh no.  There's no exaust pipe.

Project Satan:  That's right.  Thanks to Ed Begley Jr.'s electric motor.  The most evil propulsion system..ever concieved!   :D

That's all outta me.  By the way, I urge you all to visit this really neat site.  You know you wanna.  Tell everyone you know about how fun it is and how they should join in on it.  http://www.outwar.com/page.php?x=1869881

Delivery Boy
« Reply #709 on: 12-19-2003 22:34 »
« Last Edit on: 12-19-2003 22:34 »

Here's some of my favorites. Be warned, many are paraphrased, and I don't know all the episode names.

Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them! (Fry and the Slurm Factory)

Farnsworth: Good news everyone! tomorrow, You're all going to Ebola 5, the disease planet!
somebody: Why not today?
Farnsworth: Because tonight is the scientist convention, and I want all of you to be alive!
Bender: sounds boring.
Farnsworth: Oh my, yes. (The garbage ball ep)

Bender: I'm getting a treatment, and damn the expense! *later, sees Gypsy machine. Costs 25 cents.* Damn the expense! (The Honking)

Nibblonian: You are the most important being in the whole universe!
Fry: ... oh snap! (The Why of Fry)

Bender: (after falling through roof of church) Mee! (Hell is other Robots)

Bender: I don't see anyone kissing my ass!
Zoidberg: All right, I'm coming! (not sure, I Second that Emotion I think.)

Leela: ...command over sea creatures...
Fry: Zoidberg, come in here!
Zoidberg: Screw you!
(Less than Hero)

singers: Super King, Clobberella, and all the rest! (Less than Hero)

Poopenmeyer: ...an elephant who never forgets.. to kill! And a seldom-used crab named Lucky that goes by the nickname, Citizen Snips. (Less than hero again, I like this episode as you can see)

Edit: The last post reminds me of this one.

Calculon: Well, he's either in Paris, or much more likely, in that very same factory he was made.

« Reply #710 on: 12-20-2003 04:17 »

Love and Rocket:

Leela: Doesn't it bother you even a little, to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?
Bender: Aaaahahahahahahaha
[Leela takes a disturbed look at bender]
Bender: Oh wait.. you're serious.. let me laugh even harder..

The devil's hands are idle playthings:

Bender: You know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes. Aaaaahahahahaha

War is the H word:

Zapp: As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise....        SURPRISE!

Zapp: Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. Tha young man feels me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing me.

« Reply #711 on: 12-20-2003 04:25 »

and a few more that made me fell of my chair..

Bender should not be allowed on TV:

Monique: Calculon! But I thought you were...
Calculon: Egyptian?


The Farnsworth Parabox:

Farnsworth: Buddha, Zeus, God.. one of you guys.. do something. Heeelp.. Satan.. you owe me!
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #712 on: 12-20-2003 15:54 »

Bender: Wow! It's like the Earth is makin' sweet salty love to itself and all the fish are groovin' on it!

« Reply #713 on: 12-21-2003 17:45 »

Its not really a quote but i love the bit where Fry, Leela and Bender go to the grave yard in "Luck of the Fryfish" and Fry and Leela salute the guards and Bender does it and hits himself in the head with the shovel. Hilerious!!!
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #714 on: 12-26-2003 03:11 »
« Last Edit on: 12-26-2003 03:11 »

I just keep getting more and more ideas!
I'm chalk full of 'em!

Fry: I'm getting one of those headaches with pictures...
Leela: You mean an idea?
Fry: Mmm!Mhmm!!
the real amy

« Reply #715 on: 12-26-2003 07:47 »

Hey guys!

I'm new so please excuse my shocking post etiquette, but anyway...gotta love:

Leela: (about Zapp) Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Bender: Was that bbefore or after you slept with him?

Zapp :(singing and wiggling hips) Leeeeeelllllaaa! Lee Lee Leeeellllaa!

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #716 on: 12-26-2003 09:08 »

Originally posted by 1 of the gang:
I Just keep getting more and more ideas!
I'm chalk full of 'em!


The ironing is delicious....!

I believe it's CHOCK full....heh

1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #717 on: 12-26-2003 18:04 »

Sorry there Gleno.

I may be CHOCK full of ideas but they are usually mispelled.

(light bulub above head goes on)
Bender: You're the kinda guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't wanna see the Sexiteria!

Bending Unit
« Reply #718 on: 12-26-2003 18:49 »

My Personal Favourite

Fry: So they want to learn?
Nibbler nods
Fry: Those Bastards!!
1 of the gang

Starship Captain
« Reply #719 on: 12-26-2003 20:10 »

Originally posted by QueenOfRobonia:
My Personal Favourite

Fry: So they want to learn?
Nibbler nods
Fry: Those Bastards!!

  :laff:   :D   :laff:

I love how Fry says that line too.
And in that same episode when they tell him that he is the single most important person in the universe and he says "Oh Snap!".Thats great too!

Fry is so friggin' awesome!
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