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Author Topic: Best Futurama Quotes  (Read 103408 times)
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Urban Legend
« Reply #360 on: 05-05-2003 12:49 »

Fry: "You'll never guess what happened! It's two for one day at Krispy Kreme! Also, there are mermaids."

Leela: "But what about Umbrielle?"
Fry: "It turns out I loved her, but I wasn't *in* love with her."
Amy: "Trouble in bed."

Starship Captain
« Reply #361 on: 05-05-2003 15:35 »

And you, Professor ______, I know all about your Department of Pool Boy Studies!

« Reply #362 on: 05-05-2003 15:43 »

Originally posted by Fender Bender:
yep ur right show the true fans i guess....

   :(    :(

It's what separetes the boys from the men, or something like that

« Reply #363 on: 05-05-2003 17:43 »

Professor Farnsworth Sweet Zombie Jesus, it's huge!

-The Deep South...that whole episode is great.
Torn Receipt

« Reply #364 on: 05-05-2003 17:51 »

Ow! My small intestine!
Zoidberg MD

Bending Unit
« Reply #365 on: 05-08-2003 01:11 »

Daddy Bender, how do I flush you?

Goose Patrol
Space Pope
« Reply #366 on: 05-08-2003 02:39 »

Prof.: Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?
Fry: Under the seat.[Takes out bong]


Bending Unit
« Reply #367 on: 05-08-2003 03:07 »

Originally posted by WGuy00:
Professor Farnsworth Sweet Zombie Jesus, it's huge!

-The Deep South...that whole episode is great.
Oh man I saw the ep on CN and they blanked out the Jesus part.  :nono:


« Reply #368 on: 05-08-2003 07:31 »
« Last Edit on: 05-08-2003 07:31 »

Professor: "Good news, everyone! The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."
Leela: "Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."
Professor: "Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!"

-A Clone of My Own

Robot Elder: "Silence! I concur."

-Fear of a Bot Planet

One of my all-time faves:
Computer: "THIS IS VERGON 6."
Professor: "This is Vergon 6."
Amy: "Buh!"
Professor: "It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals."
Leela: "Animals?"
Professor: "That's right, animals in desperate need of a rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with a super dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds!"
Leela: "Wait, what about the animals?"
Professor: "Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow!"
Leela: "Yes, but what about the animals?"
Professor: "The whaa?"
Leela: "The animals."
Professor: "I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals."

-Love's Labours Lost in Space

Professor: "Oooh, I don't have time for this. I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain."

Bender: "I'm tired o' your yappin'!"
Bender drives his motorcycle around inside the Laboratory and smashes over the Professor's workbench.
Bender: "All you ever do is complain, you never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!"
Professor: "Fine. Get going."
Bender: "Ohh, I'm goin'. You're gonna be all, 'Where's Bender? I miss Bender!'"
Professor: "We won't know that until you leave."
Bender: "Ohhhh, I'm leavin'!"
Professor: "There's the door."
They stare at each other in silence for a few seconds, then Bender turns off his motorbike and meekly lowers his head in defeat.
Bender: "I'll be good."

Bender: "Question!"
Professor: "Yes?"
Bender: "You stink! Ahhehehehe."
Professor: "Yes, yes."

-Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

Professor: "Not necessarily. For the dog may yet survive."
Fry: "May yet? Really!?"
Professor: "Indeed! You see, that fossil was made of dolomite, the tough black mineral, that won't cut out when there's heat all about! By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan!"
The Professor opens a freezer door and takes an ice swan out in a pair of tongs. He holds it over the lava pit and it melts within seconds.
Professor: "Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature! I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolomite, there's a slim chance it might have survived."
Fry: "So Seymour might still exist?"
Professor: "Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolomite, baby!"

-Jurassic Bark[/b]

Bender: "Hey, Barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house."
Barkeeper: "Two fuzzy navels, comin' up!"

-Bendless Love[/b]



« Reply #369 on: 05-08-2003 08:24 »

Kiff: The Holosheds on the fritz again, The characters have turned real

Zapp: Damn.... the last time that happened i got slapped with 3 paternity suits

Kiff gets knocked up a notch

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #370 on: 05-08-2003 14:18 »

Attila the Hun: "Stop! No shot firestick in space-canoe. Cause explosive decrompression."
Zapp: "Spare me your spaceage techno-babble Attila the Hun."

« Reply #371 on: 05-08-2003 15:21 »

I'm not sure if this was posted already, but it's still one of my all time favourites:

Professor: Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.
Bender: Uh! Uh! Name it after me!

A Big Piece of Garbage

« Reply #372 on: 05-08-2003 15:55 »

Zoidberg: Bender! You said wink-wink out loud!
Bender: No I didn't! Raise middle finger.

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #373 on: 05-08-2003 16:36 »
« Last Edit on: 05-08-2003 16:36 »

"When I grow,up I want to be a steamshovel!"
-4? yr old bender
Teenage Mutant Leelas hurdles

"Why can't the fish part of the mermaid be on the top and the girl part be on the bottom?"-fry
The Deep South

Joey Mousepad-Clamp em!
Clamps-Gee...do ya think i should use the clamps i use everyday to clamp things?"
Bender gets made

« Reply #374 on: 05-08-2003 19:06 »
« Last Edit on: 05-08-2003 19:06 »

Mayor of Atlanta: Outta town folks, I'd like you to meet my daughter Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees!

Bender: Elza, I quit!
Elza: (barely audible)...okay!...

Leela: (whispers)Bender, could you please be a little quieter?
Bender: No, you shut up!

And this one deserves repeating,
Gearshift: Are you here to fumigate the moose-head?

« Reply #375 on: 05-08-2003 22:22 »

Thank you nurdbot, for posting on page 3:

"Aww, Aww, died doing what I loved"
(The series has landed)

I never quite understood, what that stupid robot was saying.

Bending Unit
« Reply #376 on: 05-08-2003 22:24 »

all the robots in this show are stupid, did you notice? i thought they were supposed to be mindless slaves that don't get pay, don't have personality, and don't have a choice when it comes to what they do and why.

AI is only good for boosting productivity. everyone knows that.


« Reply #377 on: 05-10-2003 07:45 »
« Last Edit on: 05-10-2003 07:45 »

*chortle* Just saw this one:

Fishy Joe: "Mm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy?"
Blech: "Ah, ah, ah, ancient Signoid secret!"
Blech's Wife: "My husband, some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret!"
Blech's Wife holds up a jar with buzzing insects inside it.
Blech's Wife: "Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough!"
Fishy Joe: "Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it."
Blech: "That'sa good!"

-A Leela of Her Own[/i]

Made me laugh   :)

And another one I just thought of:

Leela: "Let Mom buy the company! We all wanna be filthy stinking rich!"
Zoidberg: "Trust me, two out of three doesn't cut it!"



« Reply #378 on: 05-10-2003 09:49 »
« Last Edit on: 05-10-2003 09:49 »

some of my favourites are as in "insane in the mainframe" as below:

Fry: Blood? robots dont have blood, i must be a... a...
Zoidberg: A squid?
Fry: a human! oh my god, i'm a human!
Zoidgerg: Also good
Mad hater bot: Change Places!
Zoidberg: Listen to me fry! just because you think your a robut doesnt make you a robut, Afterall, i think i'm a doctor but that doesnt make me a doctor, these fancy clothes do!
*bender fiddles with settings in the radio bots mouth*
Bender: here we go, just a minute, aha!
radio: And down the stretch its Danny's little grandpa, followed by perennial loser and bringing up the rear, its lastie!
Bender: C'monnn lastie!!

hehe     :D

EDIT: Some more from "Future Stocks"

Zoidberg: grauuul! this company is circling the drain i tell you! i'd sell my stock right now for a sandwitch!
"that guy":Sold!
*"that guy" takes a sandwitch out of a miami vice lunchbox and trades with zoidberg*
Zoidberg: a complete sandwitch?? hahahaha! you got fleeced! _i_ would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside!
----later on-----
*planet express crew are told that their shares are worth 107 dollars a piece*
Zoidberg: ohhh nooo! i have no shares!! *cries briefly* ...wait! my sandwitch! has it also appreciated in value oh please, oh please!
*holds up mouldy sandwitch*
Hermes: Ya didnt even refridgerate it ya spinless lobster!
Zoidberg: you had to drag spines into thisss! *fades off into a sobing cry*
*planet express shares have droped to below their initial value*
Zoidberg: aha! once again, the conservative sandwich heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!
*zoidberg eats mouldy sandwitch*
Zoidberg:*realising what he's just done* oh! Im ruined!! *cries* why?? why??

« Reply #379 on: 05-10-2003 20:20 »

From 30% Iron Chef, during the Iron Cook contest between Bender and Elzar-
TV voiceover guy: Akhio, what's elzar making?

Akhio (TV reporter): Well Hiroki-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine, and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Martha Stewart's head: In the english countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooves with festive gourds.

And from the same episode:

Voiceover: Look at bender roll that dough!
Bubblegum Tate: I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass.

Martha Stewart's head: You've never seen mine.

Bubblegum: No, I haven't :flirt:

Bending Unit
« Reply #380 on: 05-10-2003 23:14 »
« Last Edit on: 05-10-2003 23:14 »


EDIT: A quote worth repeating:
Professor: "Holy Zombie Jesus!"
-Bender Gets Made
Branniganīs Law

« Reply #381 on: 05-11-2003 08:10 »

Brannigan: Kif, in the game of chess it is important to never let your opponent see your pieces.

« Reply #382 on: 05-11-2003 08:24 »

Brannigan: ...If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of card... check mate.
Branniganīs Law

« Reply #383 on: 05-11-2003 08:27 »

ZB: Kif, get me 10 cases of 'Pert & Popular'.
Kif: What shall i do with your 'Jurgon', sir?
ZB: Rub it on some homeless person with dry elbows...

Urban Legend
« Reply #384 on: 05-12-2003 00:34 »

Fry: "A female leader? Pffp! Yeah right."
Leela: "Shut up, Fry."
Fry: (suddenly straightening up) "Yes captain!"

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #385 on: 05-12-2003 15:49 »

Farnsworth: "Oh my. I guess I should do something, but I am already in my pyjamas."

« Reply #386 on: 05-13-2003 04:38 »

Zapp: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed.  You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.

Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?

Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bedmaking you'll be doing!

-When Aliens Attack

and from the same episode:

Leela: This is hopeless! If we're gonna get blown to bits, we might as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

« Reply #387 on: 05-14-2003 14:30 »

hey futurama people!!!

professor: better yet i'll build someone to fill in for you. some kind of gamma powered mosnster with freeway on ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal!

also the druged up zoidberg from that episode and the hypno toad from the day the eart stood stupid are hilarious

Urban Legend
« Reply #388 on: 05-14-2003 20:36 »

Here we go...  :)

These two from "A Head in the Polls" are good:

Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: I'm against those things that everybody hates!
John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent, I think he's a good man, but quite frankly: I agree with everything he just said!
Nixon: Hello Morbo; how's the family?
Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.

I like this one, from "A Fishful of Dollars":

Leela: "You're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy?"
Professor: "Uh, wha? Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that'll suck the blood right out of you...."

I *love* this one, from "Fear of a Bot Planet":

Robot #1: "Administer -- the test!"
Robot #2: "Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: a large properly formatted data file?"
Robot #1: "Choose!"
Fry: "Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?"
Robot #2: "No! It is the bad kind of puppy!"
Leela: "Then we'll go with that data file!"
Robot #2: "Correct!"
Robot #1: "The flower would also have been acceptable."

My all time favorite, from "Fry and the Slurm Factory":

Farnsworth: "Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?"
Glurmo: "Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas! They work here in the Slurm factory."
Farnsworth: "Tell them I hate them!"

And, of course, the quote from "Mother's Day" that drove to pick this avatar:


Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #389 on: 05-16-2003 16:25 »

Fry: "Why couldn't she have been the other kind of mermaid? With fishpart on top and the ladypart on the bottom?"

From the audio commentaries:

« Reply #390 on: 05-16-2003 20:08 »

"...Sir? Are you aware that you are leaking coolant at an alarming rate?"

Fear of a Bot Planet
PCC Fred

Space Pope
« Reply #391 on: 05-16-2003 20:28 »

Welcome to PEEL, FlyingTigress!  :)

"Now if we hit this bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.  CHECKMATE!"

Bending Unit
« Reply #392 on: 05-16-2003 22:44 »

It's a moment- Maybe it's been said already- Zoidberg riding the Sperm from "Parasites Lost".

« Reply #393 on: 05-16-2003 22:58 »

This is one of my favorites, because it applies to me so well:
Leela: "I usually try to keep my sadness pinned up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness." - from "Leela's Homeworld".

Bending Unit
« Reply #394 on: 05-16-2003 23:01 »

this is one that i kinda go over in my next fan fic, and one that has intrigued me as well:

LEELA: "Look fry, your a man, im a woman, we're just too different."

this never seemed to make sense to me, although.......

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #395 on: 05-17-2003 08:48 »

Welcome to PEEL, FlyingTigress. Enjoy it here.

And allow me to commend you on your excellent taste in avatars.  :D

Bender: "She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes I'LL KILL YOU AMY she'll be coming 'round the mountain, She'll be coming round the mountain, She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes."
El Zilcho

« Reply #396 on: 05-17-2003 16:10 »

Zoidberg: "I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday!"
-Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

Bender: "Let's go in there! It's free on Tuesdays!"
-Space Pilot 3000

Fry: "It's two-for-one Tuesday at the Krispy Kreme!"
-The Deep South

What is it about Tuesday?

Bending Unit
« Reply #397 on: 05-17-2003 17:10 »

my favorite quote is at the end of 30% iron chef

Professor: "Good lord! According to the spectralizer, Spargel's magic ingredient was ... water! Ordinary water!"
Fry: "Ah, so the real gift Spargel gave you was confidence. The confidence to be your best."
Professor: "Yes, ordinary water. Laced with nothing more than a few spoons full of LSD."
dj gs68

« Reply #398 on: 05-17-2003 21:16 »

Fry: *snore*
Leela: "Oh!"
Bender: "Oh my god!"
Fry: *tap* "Eh?"
Professor: "What the hell have you done Fry?"
Fry: "Relax. She can't be my grandmother! I've figured it all out."
Professor: "Of course she's your grandmother you perverted dope! Look"
Mildred: "Come back to bed dery."
Fry: "Waa! It's impossible! If she's my grandmother, then who's your grandfather?"
Professor: "Isn't it obvious? You are!"
Fry: "Aaaaa! Aaaaa! Aaaaa!"
(gruesome flesh hacking sounds in background. Hermes screaming)
Zoidberg: "Alright, anteater number one. Who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me! I need a name!"
Anteater 1: *growl*
Zoidberg: "What? How do you spell that?"
Hermes: "What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!"
Zoidberg: "Hermes, quiet! I'm deducing things."
Bender: Harpoon, my ass!
Leela: Okay! [harpoons Bender's ass]

(People keep thinking that in this quote, Bender tells Leela to harpoon his ass.  But I still think it's "Harpoon, my ass!" Leela misinterpreted Bender's sentence.)

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #399 on: 05-18-2003 11:08 »

Yeah, it's much like "honest politician, my eye!" or something, an expression of distrust. However I don't think Leela misinterpreted Bender, she knew exactly what he meant, but also shaw the oppurtunity for a comeback. In fact Bender should've seen the harpoon coming.

Welcome to PEEL, dj gs68. Enjoy it here.

Cubert: "We couldn't fight him with brawn, so we had to use our brains."
Farnsowrth: "I warned you about using those things!"
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