Originally posted by LuvFry:
I don't know if it's funny, or if it's disturbing...
How about both?
coldangel; I knew you'd love it
You're becoming predictable.
INT PE SHIP
BENDER, FRY, AMY and ZOIDBERG are seated on the floor playing cards. LEELA is piloting and keeps casting glares at them from her seat.
AMY: Blug! Why do you two keep on winning?
FRY: Lots of practise?
BENDER: [stowing away five aces] Yeah, that’d be it.
AMY tosses her cards down in defeat.
AMY: How much longer Captain?
LEELA: Another good five hours, I suggest we get some sleep.
LEELA presses the button for the auto-pilot and turn to the others who are giving the cards to BENDER which he sorts in his mouth and pulls out two packs of sorted cards.
ZOIDBERG: Weren’t we only using one pack?
BENDER: What? Uh, no we weren’t.
FRY: Yeah… that’s just the instructions.
LEELA: [bluntly] It’s Bender’s pack of Aces.
BENDER: [hurriedly] Ace Robot Cookies! [shoots glare at Leela]
LEELA: It doesn’t matter, go to bed.
Grumbling, FRY and BENDER wander off to their dormitory.
AMY: Uh, Leela, where are we going to sleep?
ZOIDBERG: [sadly] I have no bed
LEELA: Sheesh, Zoidberg can go into the corner.
ZOIDBERG: Hooray! A place of my own.
ZOIDBERG retreats to the corner and scuttles in circles until he finally curls up and makes warbled snores.
LEELA: And Amy…
AMY: I’m not going into any corner.
LEELA: The boys might have an extra bunk.
AMY: Can I please go with you?
LEELA: Fine, but keep to your side of the bed.
The PE ship flies through space, a small object on the backdrop of the stars and nebulas.
INT PE SHIP
ZOIDBERG is snoring in his corner. FRY and BENDER are in their bunks.
BENDER: [mumbling in his sleep] … Kill all humans… kill all humans…
FRY: [mumbling in his sleep] … jelly… mmph…Leela… mm melons… [drools]
AMY and LEELA are asleep in the same bed, AMY’S spread out across the middle and is very relaxed, and LEELA is curled up and is tense. Suddenly, the alarm goes off, and LEELA falls out of bed in surprise.
LEELA: Ouch! Stupid…
AMY: But mummy, I don’t wanna go to school today.
LEELA: Amy, wake up, we’re nearly there.
AMY: Five more minutes.
LEELA presses a button on the wall that makes the bed tilt and deposit AMY on the floor.
LEELA walks out to the controls and seizes a microphone.
LEELA: This is your 6 o’clock wake up call; Delivery Boy and Bot report to captain, over.
LEELA non-chalantly places the mike back into the holder as a muffled yell and thump is heard in the background.
ZOIDBERG: Oh what a wonderful dream I had, with birds and butterflies. Such delicious butterflies!
LEELA: I didn’t ask for you to come, go back to your corner!
BENDER: [walking in] Why must you do that? You nearly caused Fry a heart attack.
LEELA: I know, and it’s the best way I know of getting him out of bed.
BENDER: You should see the sound system I’ve got set up at our place.
LEELA: That would explain why he has selective hearing… among other things.
FRY: [dishevelled, walking in] Say what?
LEELA: Never mind.
LEELA: [ignoring him] Six crates of weapons to be delivered to the Nimbus, please don’t stuff up, I don’t want to give Zapp a reason to arrest us. [Hands a signing plaque to Fry]
BENDER: So now would be a bad time to tell you we’re also carting around fifty grand worth of stolen goods?
LEELA: [unsurprised] Where’s the goods, Bender?
BENDER taps the door on his chest. LEELA reaches for him, but BENDER seizes her by the hand.
BENDER: Touch my stuff and die.
LEELA: Fine, but if they arrest you on account of it, don’t expect any sympathy from me.
BENDER: At least Fry loves me, don’t you meatbag?
BENDER and LEELA look to FRY who’s been staring outside the window, he notices them looking after a moment.
BENDER: Say ‘yes’
BENDER: Good boy.
LEELA: [sigh] Just don’t get into trouble.
FRY: Don’t worry Leela, you can count on us!
FRY jabs his finger to his chest in confidence, before wincing from poking himself.
FRY: Ow, my ribcage!
PESHIP: Incoming transmission.
The PE crew turn to see the Nimbus floating alongside the PE ship.
ZAPP: [appearing on screen] Heeellooo sexy Leela! Prepare to be sensually boarded. [disappears]
LEELA: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
FRY: Me too.
FRY: [worriedly] Yeah, I think I left my chewing gum in the toaster.
CUT TO: INT ROBOT ARMS APARTMENTS, FRY’S ‘CUPBOARD’
A toaster is sitting on the bench; on top of it is a wad of pink chewing gum, causing it to send off sparks. The toast pops; it is perfectly cooked. Then the whole thing explodes leaving the toaster in pieces and everything around it charred.
CUT BACK TO: INT PE SHIP
FRY and LEELA look at each other for a pregnant pause.
LEELA: Okay then…
INT: NIMBUS DOCKING BAY.
FRY: Six crates of blasters?
FRY, BENDER and AMY are holding a crate each with three stacked behind them, waiting. AMY is struggling slightly with the weight.
SOLDIER #1: [pointing] Two doors down, follow the hall, then fifth left. Cootie and Fred will take them from there.
FRY: Thanks soldier!
The soldier salutes them; FRY balances his crate with one hand and salutes with the other. BENDER copies him. AMY tries to salute, but the crate is too heavy and she falls over.
AMY: AI! Blug…
INT: NIMBUS, TWO DOORS DOWN THEN FIFTH LEFT FROM DOCKING BAY.
FRY BENDER and AMY arrive in a room.
COOTIE: Planet Express?
FRY: Yeah, where do you want these?
FRED: In the storeroom I think.
COOTIE: Up those stairs, go left and then the last door on the right.
INT: NIMBUS, TWO DOORS DOWN THEN FIFTH LEFT UP THE EIGHT FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, LEFT AND LAST RIGHT FROM DOCKING BAY.
FRY and BENDER enter the storeroom, after a moment, AMY comes in panting.
SOLDIER #2: Hey, you the Planet Express with the new blasters?
BENDER: Why should we tell you, chump?
SOLDIER #2: They want the blasters in the weapons room, use the lift to go two levels up and then it’s the first right, twelfth left and then sixth left.
FRY: Gee, I’m not going to remember all that.
BENDER: Easy, follow me.
BENDER and FRY walk out. AMY groans and follows them.
INT: NIMBUS, TWO DOORS DOWN THEN FIFTH LEFT UP EIGHT FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, LEFT AND LAST RIGHT THEN TAKE LIFT TWO LEVELS UP FIRST RIGHT THEN TWELFTH LEFT THEN SIXTH LEFT FROM DOCKING BAY.
FRY: Hello? Planet Express Delivery!
SOLDIER #3: About time! Cootie and Fred sent you to the wrong place. Put the crates over there, we’ll sort them out.
AMY: Ai-ya [half drops crate] I can’t carry this thing any longer.
FRY: What? It’s not that heavy.
BENDER: Yeah, if Fry can do it, anyone can… seriously.
AMY: I’m not a delivery girl! I’m a mechanic, now excuse me, I’ve got to go find Kiffy. [going out the door]
FRY: But we’ve got another three crates to bring up here!
BENDER: How do we get back to the ship?
FRY: What? I thought you were keeping track of where we had come from.
BENDER: So was I, but it’s all jumbled.
SOLDIER: What are you going on about? The docking bay is straight down ten levels.
BENDER: Bite my shiny metal…
FRY: Bender, don’t make trouble, let’s get the last three and go.
BENDER and FRY put down the boxes and go straight down to the docking bay.
INT NIMBUS DOCKING BAY
LEELA: I’m waiting for my crew.
ZAPP: But we don’t need your crew, all we need is each other.
LEELA’S expression softens slightly.
ZAPP: You and the sexilicious Zapper in the lovenasium and we shall vigorously…
LEELA: Ugh, enough! You promised my crew a party…
ZAPP: Right, Kif; bring out the balloon animals and fairy bread.
KIF: [sigh] Yes, sir.
ZOIDBERG: Ooh, fairy bread!
ZAPP: Eugh, who invited him?
LEELA: You did.
FRY: [running up] Leela! Amy stormed off.
KIF: My Amy? What’s wrong?
BENDER: How are we supposed to know? She got all upset and left.
KIF: Oh no, poor Amy.
FRY: And now we’re going to have to do two more trips, unless…
FRY looks at LEELA hopefully. LEELA goes to speak to him, but they are interrupted.
AMY runs wearily across the floor and collapses into the green alien’s arms.
AMY: I’m glad you’re here, Fry and Bender were making me…
BENDER: You ran off on us chumpette!
AMY: Splah! How’d you get here before me?!
FRY: We took the lift.
AMY: Well I’m not doing this anymore, Kiffy, we need to talk.
KIF: Suits me.
LEELA: Let them go.
FRY: We need another person.
Again FRY looks at hopefully at her.
LEELA: If you’re suggesting I’m to take that last crate, then I’ve got bad new for you…
ZAPP: So the party can start?
ZAPP: [emphasising correctly] Champagne?
BENDER: [reading the label, disgusted] Ffloyds?!
ZAPP: It’s got a lot of fizz where it counts, and it ‘Zapps’ you. [winks]
LEELA: D’you know what Fry? I might take you up on that offer.
ZAPP: [as Leela, Fry and Bender are leaving] But, Leela! It’s only just started!
LEELA: It never began Zapp, come on boys, let’s deliver this and blow this joint.
BENDER: Where are you keeping the joints?
INT: DOCKING BAY, LIFT.
LEELA: There’s not enough room for three people and three boxes in there.
FRY: Yeah, Bender and I just fit.
BENDER: Come off it, there was room for another third of a person in there!
LEELA: Well, we’re going to have to take the stairs, which could take three times as long.
FRY: Aw man.
LEELA: Stop whingeing.
LEELA, BENDER and FRY mount the stairs in a single file in that order. About five floors up LEELA comes to a halt, panting slightly.
BENDER: What’s the hold up chumpette?
LEELA: Give Fry a moment to catch up.
FRY: I’m right here.
Surprised and thrown off-guard, LEELA stares at FRY who is slightly red-faced and panting, but he had kept up with them.
LEELA: Oh, right…
BENDER: So let’s move already.
LEELA, BENDER and FRY reach the door marked ‘Weapons’, LEELA opens in with her elbow and sets the box down at SOLDIER #3’s feet. FRY and BENDER set their boxes down beside hers.
FRY: [handing paperwork to the soldier to sign] That’s all.
SOLDIER #3: [is openly gaping at LEELA’s eye]
FRY: [snarling] Hey, what are you staring at?
SOLDIER #3: [flustered, starts signing papers] Right, that seems to be in order.
BENDER: Well I’m sick of all of you; I’m going to the ship. [exeunt]
LEELA doesn’t notice the soldier’s stare; she is more enthralled by the fact that FRY isn’t any more exhausted than she is. FRY snatches the papers back from the soldier once he has finished signing them.
FRY: C’mon Leela.
FRY takes LEELA by the hand and leads her to the lift where they barely fit in together without touching each other. FRY has to put his arm around her waist to press the ‘docking bay’ button. The door closes them in.
LEELA: [flustered] I think this lift is designed for a one-man trip.
FRY: Well we proved them!
LEELA: Fry, I’m going to have to get off and let you by yourself first.
FRY: What, why? We both fit… plus it’s nice and comfy and warm.
LEELA: Fry, I don’t think this is a good idea… I… uh…I’m feeling claustrophobic.
LEELA reaches behind her back and tries to press the ‘Doors open’ button, but the lift has started to move and jerks her hand to accidentally push five buttons at once.
The lift drops fast for a few feet and then jerks back up causing LEELA to be thrown against the control panel and her elbow slams against the emergency stop button. The lift comes to a complete sudden stop. LEELA slides down the wall, but doesn’t hit the ground as FRY grabs her and pulls her unsteadily to her feet.
FRY: You alright?
LEELA: [trying not to cry] I’m fine.
FRY: No you’re not, what wrong?
LEELA: [bursts into tears]
FRY: Shh, come here.
FRY uncoordinatedly pulls her into his arms and starts to gently rub her back.
LEELA: Oh man, it hurts.
FRY: What does?
LEELA: My back.
FRY immediately stops rubbing LEELA’S back.
LEELA: Nonono… don’t stop, you’re helping the pain go away.
FRY resumes his rubbing, but it’s much softer.
LEELA: [softly growling] Harder… harder… [FRY rubs harder] Ooh yeah, that’s good.
LEELA purrs softly into FRY’S neck as his fingers work their magic.
INTERCOM: Hello? Elevator 605 single?’
INTERCOM: Yeah, um, it’s going to take three hours to reprogram the lift to operate again…
LEELA: [lazily] Yeah, yeah, take your time.
FRY: [whispering in disbelief] Oh boy…
LEELA: [snapping out of drowsy contentment] Wait, three whole hours? [pushes away from FRY]
INTERCOM: Yeah, we’d normally do it straight away but there’s been a string of accidents and they’re higher on the priority list according to the Captain.
LEELA: Yeah? Well you can tell Zapp he’s a…
INTERCOM: Buffoon, yeah we know, but our job’s worth more than that. I’m sorry, I hope you like small enclosed spaces. [static then silence]
FRY: Now what?
LEELA: I suppose we wait.
LEELA: In this small enclosed space…
FRY: All alone…
LEELA: [startled] Hey, don’t get any ideas mister.
FRY: [sexfully] Too late, babe.
(to be continued…)