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Author Topic: Gal You've Never Heard Of Rips Off JBERGES!  (Read 15752 times)
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Starship Captain
« Reply #240 on: 02-20-2005 05:11 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2005 05:11 »

Great new additions to the story, and I like what you've done with the other story. Keep up the great work!   :)


Bending Unit
« Reply #241 on: 02-20-2005 17:41 »

I'm so glad you decided to revive your old story, because I was really liking it. Even better as a prose. I think it works just as well for Futurama, because--just as Bergey pointed out--you don't forget the little visual gags and reads as an episode. A pretty long one perhaps, but hey, it's all good. Keep going, please!

But I hope you won't start neglecting your story about Fry running for mayor. As I said, that's bound to be good, I'm looking forward to it. Also, Susie Meyer for some reasons rings a bell. Or am I just going crazy?

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #242 on: 02-21-2005 09:36 »

Happy Presidents Day to all of you who live here in the States, and, to those of you abroad, Happy Geez, Another Meaningless American Holiday Day! And, in honor of this occasion, I have another part of my prose story to post. (The mayor story is also getting worked on, but I think I'm gonna hold back on posting it until I have a substantial amount finished--that way, I won't have to confuse you all (and myself) by switching from story to story. Sorry about that...)

But, before I post this next part, I'm going to respond to you all individually, because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (Well, it could be these responses that make me feel all warm and fuzzy, or it could be this thing crawling up my arm...)

Fry's Lady: Thanks for commenting, and thanks even more for taking the time to read this at all. I'm so glad you like this, and I hope I can keep you interested as the story (or, stories) progresses.

JBERGES: Eh, don't sweat falling behind on these stories--it means so much to me that you take the time to read them. Regarding the prose, I'm trying to do something to distinguish it from all the other prose out there, and I thought inserting the random stuff that I'd put in a script would at least give me a few chances for laughs. I'm glad you like it--glad, and ever so flattered. As for your equally flattering question regarding the magazine gag...I don't know. I was just thinking that I had to set up a normal day at Planet Express, my mind wandered to a number of episodes where Amy's reading a magazine, then I thought about what kind of magazine she'd be reading (one with a woodsman of some sort), then Kif came in, then I figured that Amy wouldn't be reading a magazine like that because of Kif. That whole process took about 40 seconds, I guess. I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks as always for commenting, and I eagerly await an update on your teriffic AOI story (no pressure though).

zomit: I'm so glad that you're all enjoying this! Thanks so much zomit--and like I've said before, I just hope I don't screw all of this up royally. Thanks.

AsaB: Hey, welcome back! I'm glad I decided to revive this story too, because, as I said, it was loads of fun to write. You really think it works better as prose? So glad to hear that! And, don't worry, I'm not going to neglect the Fry story, because that was loads of fun to write too. Also, now that you mention it, Susie Meyer does ring a bell. It didn't when I was writing that part, but now it does. Don't know where it comes from, though. Maybe we're both crazy...  ;)

Anyway, oh wonderful readers, here's the next part of the story. I hope you enjoy it.


It wasn’t often that Fry, the Professor, and Bender were all sitting in the lounge together watching TV. The three would have enjoyed this rare moment of companionship, had it not been for Bender’s utter disdain for anything that wasn’t him, Fry’s total laziness, and Farnsworth’s inability to control his bladder, let alone his tongue, for more than a fleeting moment. So, the three just sat there watching yet another mind-numbing…er…I mean, highly entertaining episode of  “All My Circuits”. Well, really, only Bender was actually interested in the “action” on screen, which consisted mainly of Calculon exchanging dubious looks with a Frenchman, a toaster, and a cute little kitty. Fry was too busy spending another “productive” morning twiddling his thumbs, and the Professor had long since been sleeping, muttering about how the government was out to get him and that apes were only cute until they showed their true, murderous colors.

“I propose that we all get naked and lather ourselves up with maple syrup!” Calculon declared from inside the good ol’ idiot box.

“Woo-hoo!” Bender couldn’t help but cheer at this out-of-the-blue excuse to show the soap’s male lead rub potentially dangerous—albeit, delicious—maple-based products on several sexy fembots.

But, just as said rubbing was about to commence, Bender’s TV-viewing was interrupted by the woozy voice of a certain mad scientist. (Well, actually, Farnsworth preferred the term “eccentric”, but who’s the one writing the story here, bud?)

“Wernstrom!” the fatigued voice of Hubert Farnsworth called out, “I should have known you would want to steal my idea of a Martian dance party on the sun! Now everyone will think that you’re the brilliant mind behind such a frivolous occasion! That is, until I kill you! Eat wrinkly liver-spotted fist, you freshman!”

It was at this point that the sleeping Farnsworth threw a rather pitiful punch at no one in particular, hoping to knock out Professor Wernstrom…you know, despite the fact that the so-called freshman wasn’t actually in the room.

Now, we all know that Bender is a very sensible machine (by which I mean that, like almost every other living or nonliving thing on Earth, he can manage to put up with us humans for almost a quarter of a second), but this incessant rambling had gone on for long enough!

“Hey, shut up, crazy smart guy!” Bender had decided to go easy on the old man, seeing as how he wasn’t in the mood to kick his ass.

Nah, I’m just kiddin’. Bender’s always in the mood to kick somebody’s ass. So, what the disgruntled bending unit actually did was this.

“That’s it! I’m just tryin’ to watch some wholesome family entertainment,” Bender chose to state this fact just as Calculon was preparing to lather up a scantily clad Monique, “And you gotta interrupt it with your constant babbling! Well, you asked for it, pal! Say goodnight, Gracie!”

“Who’s Gracie?” Fry asked, taking a break from twiddling to get in his two worthless cents.

Bender, ignoring this question so that he wouldn’t be forced to kick Fry’s ass too (I mean, Bender was the greatest thing to ever happen to the pathetic human race, but he was just one robot), turned the Conference Room light out by yanking on a conveniently-placed hanging light cord.

One loud crash (oddly resembling the sound of someone getting clonked on the head with a large metallic piece of…um…metal) rang out, and then it was over. Bender turned the light back on and anyone passing by would have distinctly noticed the robot opening up his chest compartment, returning a frying pan to its rightful place. They also would have noticed that Professor Hubert Farnsworth was now lying on the floor in a miserable heap. Bender, by contrast, had a look of total and complete serenity over him as he sat back to enjoy the remainder of “All My Circuits”.

But, before he could say “Bring on the full frontal nudity!” Bender’s TV viewing was interrupted by someone else.

“Hey,” Leela said as she entered the Lounge, stopping at the side of the couch. She had noticed the geriatric scientist lying on the floor in a pathetic pile, but she decided to once again employ her “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, and ignored him.

“We’ve got a delivery to make today, guys,” Leela continued.

She waited a moment, but Fry and Bender were oblivious to her presence. Leela didn’t know if their ignorance was due to the fact that they didn’t hear her, or the fact that they heard her but just didn’t care. Both were pretty safe bets: Fry and Bender were morons.

“I said, we’ve got a delivery to make,” Leela repeated after a few moments of awkward silence had transpired.

Another moment passed, then Bender, realizing that perhaps—perhaps—Leela was trying to get their attention, turned to Fry.

“Psst…Meatbag,” the automaton whispered, jabbing Fry with his nonexistent elbow, “I think she’s talking to you.”

“What? Who?” Fry asked, half in a daze.

Leela coughed, trying to draw Fry’s attention to her presence in the room. The display worked…sort of.

Fry turned his head to Leela. “Oh, hey Leela. When did you get here?”

Without waiting for an answer, Fry turned his attention back to his thumbs and, among other things, the act of twiddling them.

“Ugh!” Leela grunted in frustration. She had had enough. Like Bender, she wasn’t above bringing people to justice through the art of ass kicking.

And so she did. Leela ended up carrying her two co-workers to the Planet Express ship in two pathetic clumps of stupidity. It wasn’t necessarily the best way to go about it, but it was close enough for Leela.

In fact, Leela was so satisfied with her methods that she wasn’t above whistling a merry little tune as she took off towards the crew’s destination in the PE ship.


Oh yeah, and sorry about the length...I'll admit that this part was pretty short. I promise I'll have a longer update out by the end of the week.



Bending Unit
« Reply #243 on: 02-21-2005 10:43 »

ARRRGGGHHH! (Sorry, I just wrote a really long reply and then I hit a button that I shouldn't have and it disappeared!! (cries))

Bugger. Suffice it to say, I liked both parts lots and lots  and lots and I'm sorry I didn't reply til now and now I'm sorry that this'll be short cause I'm far too annoyed (not with you!) to write it all again just now. Bugger.

Starship Captain
« Reply #244 on: 02-21-2005 12:55 »
« Last Edit on: 02-21-2005 12:55 »

This was a really great chapter, I feel the need to qoute some of my favorite lines....so I will.

Originally posted by Gorky:
“That’s it! I’m just tryin’ to watch some wholesome family entertainment,” Bender chose to state this fact just as Calculon was preparing to lather up a scantily clad Monique, “And you gotta interrupt it with your constant babbling! Well, you asked for it, pal! Say goodnight, Gracie!”

   :laff: What a great Bender line, seems like something he would say in the show.

Originally posted by Gorky:
“Who’s Gracie?” Fry asked, taking a break from twiddling to get in his two worthless cents.

...and another great idiotic response from Fry

Originally posted by Gorky:
“Wernstrom!” the fatigued voice of Hubert Farnsworth called out, “I should have known you would want to steal my idea of a Martian dance party on the sun! Now everyone will think that you’re the brilliant mind behind such a frivolous occasion! That is, until I kill you! Eat wrinkly liver-spotted fist, you freshman!”

  :laff: ahh...that crazy Proffeser
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #245 on: 02-22-2005 01:13 »

Heehee... oh, Gorky, you hilarious fiend!!

First off I'd like to say I was sad it was short  :(. But happy it was funny  :D.

Originally posted by Gorky:
Farnsworth’s inability to control his bladder

Oh good Lord... that puts horrible, hilarious images in my head.

Originally posted by Gorky:
(Well, actually, Farnsworth preferred the term “eccentric”, but who’s the one writing the story here, bud?)

Time for... talky stuff! I just gotta say, I really respect your whole commentating on your own story. Seriously. It's funny and enjoyable to read. I did that with a few stories (script, though) that I wrote, too. I wasn't sure if it was looked down upon or thought un-funny or anything, but I sure as hell LOVED writing it (it was fun!), and I'm glad you do this too because... well, it was funny and it made me feel better about my commentating!

Originally posted by Gorky:
That is, until I kill you! Eat wrinkly liver-spotted fist, you freshman!

OK, so first I laughed hysterically at the first sentence (I'm always tickled by random "I WILL KILL YOU!" threats). Then the second sentence... not even going to explain it. Just know I was laughing. Eat wrinkly liver-spotted fist... teehehehe.

Originally posted by Gorky:
“Who’s Gracie?”

I couldn't decide whether to laugh or "awwwww" at this line. I decided to go with "I love this line because it's funny and cute," and move on, even though that doesn't really make sense because the said action was not really an action because it wasn't a verb  :cry:.

Originally posted by Gorky:
(oddly resembling the sound of someone getting clonked on the head with a large metallic piece of…um…metal)

Once again, yay funny commentating!

Originally posted by Gorky:
Another moment passed, then Bender, realizing that perhaps—perhaps—Leela was trying to get their attention, turned to Fry.

Oh, such great narrating.

Oh, and my computer is alive now!! So, once I get un-lazy I'll start working on the thingie... anyhow.

ME LIKEY STORY!! ME LIKEY STORY!!! (More please!!)

Bending Unit
« Reply #246 on: 02-23-2005 22:23 »

After that extensive, enthusiastic, effusive, ebullient reply in my thread I said to myself, go reply to her wonderful prose that you begged for you lazy person you. And then I got mad at myself for calling myself lazy. And then I got mad at myself for stalling.

 So, for the last part:

 Hoorah! Gorky's writing prose! And writing it wonderfully well! Whee!

Everyone has long ago talked about how funny it is, so I'll focus on how much I like the writing. Your intro is fantastic, well, it all is, having quite a nice flow that makes it easy to read, and fun too!
Zoidberg was wishing he was dead, and Hermes was wishing Zoidberg was dead.
Case in pointL Great writing, and hilarious too! Characterization really comes through in prose writing, so if you're OOC, it's painfully obvious. You, of course, are writing them completely in character! And I for one, love it!.

I loved the description of the PE ship.
Leela reached the Conference Room, and was greeted by an all-too-sweet tableau: Hermes preparing to beat Zoidberg’s head in with a wrench.

Classic, and classy.  ;)

“Um…that’s just my to-do list!” Hermes ran over to the door as quickly as you would expect a retired limbo champ with an extra 20 pounds of baggage to run.

Brilliant! I seriously enjoyed that description. You've kept the charm of your script writing with the elegance of prose writing.

Also, I have a soft spot for turtles like you wouldn't believe. (Think Bender, only, yeah, think Bender)

I liked Hermes... attempted misplacement of the cookie dough. Heheh.

Finally, I loved your use of cartoon magic, and then your explanation of it. Icing on the cake!

And the next part!

Again, another great scene opener, with cute little jokes about our beloved characters. Every joke about Calculon was absolutely priceless. A kitty? Maple syrup?! Awesome!

The wrinkly liver spotted fist line rocks, as other people have mentioned before me.

Now, we all know that Bender is a very sensible machine (by which I mean that, like almost every other living or nonliving thing on Earth, he can manage to put up with us humans for almost a quarter of a second)
Possibly the funniest thing ever written, if you're me.

I mean, Bender was the greatest thing to ever happen to the pathetic human race, but he was just one robot

Oh, wait... maybe this one is.
Very Benderish too. You know, if you keep them in character, they kinda make their own jokes don't they?
Bender, by contrast, had a look of total and complete serenity over him as he sat back to enjoy the remainder of “All My Circuits”.

Oh, wait... this one is just beautiful too. Darn it Gorky, stop making me laugh!
but she decided to once again employ her “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, and ignored him.
I have a feeling she's a firm believer in that policy.

Leela ended up carrying her two co-workers to the Planet Express ship in two pathetic clumps of stupidity. It wasn’t necessarily the best way to go about it, but it was close enough for Leela.

In fact, Leela was so satisfied with her methods that she wasn’t above whistling a merry little tune as she took off towards the crew’s destination in the PE ship.

And you finish it off with that little gem. What can I say. Gorky? I'm on cloud nine, thank you! (And we all needed a good laugh after that last update of mine, didn't we.)  :D

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #247 on: 02-26-2005 08:37 »
« Last Edit on: 02-26-2005 08:37 »

Um...okay, I know I said I'd have a really long update for all you guys by the end of the week (mind you, I didn't say which week it would be    :p) but it's not here this morning. It may be here by later tonight--I'm not entirely sure. The thing about prose is...well, it takes a lot longer to write than a script (At least for me, considering the fact that, as I've said, I usually begin writing without the slightest notion of where the story will go exactly...it may not be the best way to go about it, but...) So, it's kind of hard to churn these parts out too quickly (so, all of you guys who read Layla's stuff, cut her some slack when she takes week-long breaks between parts--anyway, he stuff is 10 times longer (and 10 times better) than my stuff, so her breaks between stories are acceptable). Anyway, I'm trying to finish this latest part, and I'll probably have an update for you late tonight or early tomorrow. Sorry about that.

But, for now, I'll just reply to all you guys, because you take the time to read and comment on what I write, so I should grant you all the same favor. (Aww...group hug, everyone!)

Layla (um...the first time): I am so incredibly amused by your anguish (Please don't hate me!) It's not the fact that you accidentally erased a really long review (I appreciate the really long review part, really I do), it's just that you used the word "bugger" a lot, and that's what amused me. ... It still makes me a bad person, doesn't it?

Philp_J_Fry: Again, I'm so thrilled that all you guys are enjoying this. The Bender line you quoted is one of those things that...well, you're lucky if you can picture it in your head when you're writing it, but I could actually hear Bender saying that as I wrote it. That's how I knew that it might possibly maybe be a good line (and by "good" I mean a line that wouldn't make you all want to wretch). So glad you liked it. It was the same with the Professor line you also quoted. That took me about 10 minutes to write, and so I'm glad that someone liked it! Again, I have to thank you for your, to use one of Layla's 5 dollar words, "effusive" review.

say what now: Hilarious fiend, huh? Well, just remember that "fiend" is only one letter short of being "friend". And also, it's one letter away from being "fend", too. And fending is something you'd have to do if you ever encountered a fiend! (Um, in case you were wondering, I'm enjoying this very much...) Anyway, I'm gonna use another one of them big words of yours, Layla, and thank say what now for her very "ebullient" review. Seriously, I am so incredibly flattered by what you've said (er, typed), say what now! The Professor line is another one of those lines that sort of fell into place (you better believe that I had a great time writing the opening paragraph for this part), and I'm so glad that put images in your head (oh, and I'm sorry about it, too). About the commenting on my own stuff thing: I've just always written that way (the opportunity to comment a lot is one of the reasons that I love writing in first person whenever I can, by the way). I think it comes out of my fear that stuff I write makes no sense, so I might as well point out how absurd it is. It also gives me a chance to be sort of acerbic, which is something I love. It probably makes me an awful person, but sarcasm is just fun to write. So, don't feel bad at all about writing stories where you comment a lot--it's fun to read, and it sure is fun to write. (I was sort of feeling stupid about the commenting thing at first--I thought some people might not like it--but you made me feel a lot better about it. Thanks!) Finally, I can't wait till you get un-lazy (I know what it's like) and start writing! Promise me you'll start your own thread to post your story...please?

Layla: I can't believe that you actually took the time to rewrite such an effervescent, exhilarated, elated, exuberant review! Thanks so much! I've been waiting to hear what such a teriffic writer has to say on my little efforts to write prose, and, needless to say, I'm thrilled you liked it. You're so right about the characters making their own jokes, so long as you write them in character (Bender and Fry are the best example of this--they're easy to write, so long as their not out-of-character). The Bender line you quoted was just one of those things that seemed to fit, you know? I'm so glad I got a laugh from it! So, you're on Cloud Nine, eh? I guess I'll join you, seeing as how your last update was amazing. La, da, da, da, da...*joins Layla on Cloud Nine*.

Anyway, like I said, look for an update (hopefully) this weekend. Thanks again to all of you for sticking around, even when I'm taking such annoying breaks between chapters. I've said it about a thousand times before, but you guys rock, I mean it... 

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #248 on: 02-28-2005 17:29 »

I know I said this next part would be here by the end of the weekend. I lied. I know I said this next part would be long. I lied.

Seriously, I've been having a really hard time writing lately. I'm sorry about that, guys. Still, I do have something to show for a week's effort. It's not much, but I guess I'll show it to you guys. Here it is...


After four years, it seemed as if Fry and Bender had grown a sort of resistance to Leela’s constant butt whoopings. I say this not only because it’s quite fun to say “butt whoopings”, but also due to the fact that the two had regained consciousness after only about 5 minutes. That meant that, despite the fact that they were bruised and bumped and beaten-ed, Fry and Bender were still actually alive. It was a cold, hard fact that Leela had to deal with.

“Hey, Bender,” Fry asked upon waking up from his kick-induced coma.

“Yeah,” Bender replied, not quite as woozy as his partner in crime.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” The faintest grin spread across the delivery boy’s face. A devious smile appeared on Bender’s face as well.

“Spoon fight!” The two shouted in unison. Bender opened up his chest compartment and pulled out two spoons, handing one to the eager Fry.

“Not a spoon fight!” Leela moaned. This wasn’t the first time Fry and Bender had done this. In fact, spoon fights accounted for almost 90 percent of all of Planet Express’s eating utensil-related injuries.

“Let the duel begin!” Bender shouted, interrupting Leela’s nag-fest. At this point, Fry and Bender had taken ten paces back, their backs facing each other. After Bender made his declaration, the two immediately turned around and charged towards one another with as much force as Zoidberg charging towards the last half-eaten enchilada.

Needless to say, upon impact, Fry and Bender burst into pieces (Fry metaphorically, Bender literally).

“Uh-oh…” Fry said after he regained his balance. He saw his best mechanical buddy (um…that’s Bender) lying before him in about 17 separate pieces. “I’m so sorry Bender! Um…I’ll put you back together again.” Fry blurted out nervously. “You know, like Humpty Dumpty.” He added, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood.

“Humpty Dumpty the porn star?” Bender asked. Well, at least his head (which was way on the other side of the ship) did.

“What? No! You know, like the egg…from, like, the nursery rhyme!” Fry debated, as he was searching for Bender’s torso.

“No, no, no…I’m tellin’ you, Fry—Humpty Dumpty’s a porn star!”

“No, he’s not!”

The two continued to argue over the true identity of this “Humpty Dumpty” character as Fry was trying to reassemble Bender (albeit, poorly, but he was still trying).

Leela moaned from her spot at the ship’s helm, but decided not to interject. What would the point be in trying to tell them that Humpty Dumpty was that egg-headed guy from “The Cable Guy 2: Back with a Vengeance”?

“Look, I’ll show you the guy’s mug shot!” Bender shouted, annoyed with his redheaded counterpart.

“You keep photo albums of people’s mug shots?” Fry asked as Bender handed him a thick book with “Chumps I Know” embroidered on the leather cover.


“Huh…they finally threw the book at Farrah Fawcett?” Fry asked, flipping through the pages.

“Oh dear Lord,” a very annoyed Leela bemoaned. The trip was going to take about an hour, seeing as how Pillsburyon 9 was near the edge of the Doughboy Quadrant. That meant that Leela would have to put up with Heckle and Jeckle for a while.

“Ooo, look! Betty White and Florence Henderson!” Fry excitedly chirped, pointing to a page in the photo album. He was looking at a picture of the two women at their most uninhibited—meaning that they were reading, “Les Miserables” to the poor without their reading glasses.

“Yeah, they sure are wild,” Bender was reminiscing. “Say, Meatbag, have you seen my ass anywhere?” Seeing as how Fry was engrossed in Bender’s album of Celebrity Self-Degradation, the robot had assumed the task of reassembling himself. He was almost finished—he was just missing his trademark shiny metal ass.

“I don’t know. Hey, maybe Leela stole it,” Fry, always eager to help, suggested.

“That’s it…” Leela couldn’t take another minute in the same interplanetary transportation device (or any type of transportation device) with Fry and Bender. “Say, Bender, do you see a speed limit sign anywhere around here?”

“No,” Bender answered. He was in the process of refocusing his eyes, so he didn’t really see much of anything, but still, it wasn’t a total lie.

“Great!” Leela said, all-too-eagerly.

And with that, Leela slammed her foot to the pedal. The ship sped of at speeds of…extreme fastness. (Okay, so I’m not good with numbers—so sue me.) 

Anyway, it goes without saying that Leela made record time. In fact, she was going so fast that she almost missed Pillsburyon 9 completely. “Oh shoot,” she said as the planet rapidly approached. To avoid a head-on collision with the planet, Leela slammed on the breaks, sending Fry and Bender all the way across the ship.

The sudden halt also caused something else to fly across the ship. “Ow!” Leela griped as a metal plate hit her in the back of the head.

There’s my ass!” Bender announced triumphantly.


I'm so sorry that this was so short. But, um, I almost promise I'll have a longer update up soon. (We all know that my promises mean very little, but...look, a puppy!)


Bending Unit
« Reply #249 on: 02-28-2005 18:09 »

You're great with comedy, you know that? This part was hilarious. Bender and Fry's spoon fight and general nuisance was so in-character for both of them. Oh, and nag!Leela, too  ;)
Looking forward to the pupp..uh, next update!

Urban Legend
« Reply #250 on: 02-28-2005 19:34 »

Very funny. Looooved the Spoon Fight it sounds like something they would do. My only issue is that Leela has never been physically agressive to Fry and Bender. At least not to the extent that you have her here. She's never rendered either of them unconscious and i really can't see her ever doing so.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #251 on: 02-28-2005 20:54 »

I laughed, I cried, I died... I laughed...

So for lack of anything better to do I read this chapter out loud and I didn't do a very good job because I was laughing too much. Loved the "butt whoopings" comment and I really really loved the spoon fight... that was so incredibly random. See, that's the part where I died. 'Cause I died with laughter. Loved the Humpty Dumpty argument too. But the shortness saddened me... ya see, that's where I cried. Of course!

No seriously, that was really funny. It made my insides happy.

Starship Captain
« Reply #252 on: 03-03-2005 22:29 »

I come back to PEEL after a few day's and I see a nice little update by Gorky. Great work, it was very very good. I really enjoyed the spoon fight part,just like everybody else. Keep up the good work, update soon.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #253 on: 03-30-2005 16:59 »


Blame it on spring break, on Florida air, on my own laziness, on the government, or on yourselves (I don't know why, 'cause you guys are great, it's just that there's a lot of blame I gotta carry, and I don't want to break my back). What I'm trying to say is that I'm really sorry. I mean, you guys spend the time to read this stuff I write, and then I pay you all back by not even dignifying you with a response. I feel bad...

But, enough moping (boy, that was fast!). The point is, I'm back. Not back in the sense that I have an update for you guys (sorry...writer's block...and laziness...which is just writer's block with a nifty buzz word attached to it), but back in the sense that I will respond to you all like you deserve. I may have an update by the end of this week, though.

On with the responses!

AsaB: Great with comedy? Really? You have no idea how happy I was to read that. I try to be funny (usually unsuccessfully, but sometimes I succeed). I'm so glad you're enjoying this, obviously (because it's loads of fun to write). And I'll be working on the pupp...er...update! Thanks so much.

Venus: One of the things that I respect about you is how you speak your mind. Regarding the whole Leela butt whoopings thing: I had some reservations about it, because I was worried I made her a bit too OOC. I guess now it's confirmed (by someone I respect), so I'll try to tweak it a bit. Other than that, thanks for your comments, and I hope you enjoy what's to come.

say what now: You tried to read it out loud? Seriously? How could you do it without vomiting? I mean, I always thought reading my stuff in your head would cause a migraine, but reading it out loud? Jeez...I don't even want to imagine how sick you felt.  ;) Seriously, though, I'm really flattered. I'm just so glad you enjoy this, and think it's funny, 'cause, well, I enjoy reading your posts and think you're funny. Sorry it was so short...this next update'll be for you!

Philp_J_Fry: What can I say? I'm so happy to see that you're enjoying this. The spoon fight thing was fun to write (although I was worried it was too much like the lamp fight in one of Bergey's fics), and I'm so glad you liked it. Sorry I haven't updated recently, but...um...[insert lame excuse (probably one concerning unicorns) here]. Thanks, man.   


Urban Legend
« Reply #254 on: 03-30-2005 19:31 »
« Last Edit on: 03-30-2005 19:31 »

[insert lame excuse (probably one concerning unicorns) here]
So that's why you said you had to meet that unicorn![/Fry]

Gorky, alive?!

Glad to see you back, and that you'll be updating at some point soon.

By bumping this thread, you made me aware of the parts you posted before this thread dropped of the face of the Earth.  Consider me caught up, but with little to add.  Nice work.

(It has come to my attention that the phrase "<noun other than pillow> fight!"  is inherantly funny, as I literally laughed out loud when I read your version of it.  Didn't Cartman or someone say "cripple fight!' in an episode of South Park?  I recall that being funny too...  The theory holds)

say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #255 on: 03-30-2005 19:43 »

Hooray for the thread bump! I can't wait 'til you update  :D. I'm glad you think I'm funny... we can think that we ourselves are not funny but that the other person is funny... I have no idea how to talk.

Ahh, I love reading your stuff out loud. It just makes it funnier. I'll try to read a sentence and I'll just... choke... it's fun.

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Didn't Cartman or someone say "cripple fight!' in an episode of South Park?

"Attention, shoppers. Outside, we have... cripple fight. Cripple fight outside."

Bending Unit
« Reply #256 on: 04-01-2005 16:16 »

So glad to hear you haven't vanished away. Looking forward for more Gorkyness  :D Your fic, no fics have been greatness so far.

Starship Captain
« Reply #257 on: 04-02-2005 00:33 »

Pfft stupid unicorns keeping Gorky from updating. Anyhow I'm glad you're still here, are you going to continue you first fic? Update soon!

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #258 on: 04-10-2005 07:56 »

Man...I'm so sorry, you guys. I just can't bring myself to write this prose story well enough. It will get done (it's getting worked on, but I'm not posting it until I'm sure it's at least halfway up to my non-existent "standards" ), but I'm not sure when. But, I don't really want to keep you guys waiting any longer, so I'll probably post a chunk of my whole Fry-running-for-mayor story...thing sometime today or tomorrow. Again, I'm really sorry for, well, being me.

Also, JBERGES, glad you liked the "spoon fight". I was just trying to be funny without ripping you off. I think that "lamp fight" joke of yours was in..."Of Mice and Mensans"...I think. And, say what now, thanks for that South Park quote...I couldn't stop laughing. To everyone else (Asa, you're so supportive, and Phil, I got you to say the word unicorns...that made my day (seriously, though, thanks for everything)) thanks so much for sticking around, even though I'm the most unworthy clump of lazy in the history of...unworthy clumps of lazy.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #259 on: 04-21-2005 19:51 »

I have several things to apologize for. For one, I totally lied (unberknownst to me, of course...doesn't it always work out that way?) when I said that this update would be here about 2 weeks ago. I'm sorry. Secondly, I said that this next update would be of my Fry mayor story...thingy. I lied...this next part is of my prose story.

The other thing I have to apologize for is the fact that this update is pretty short, and isn't really on story at all. But, you have to keep in mind that I wrote it while I was reading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (amazing book, by the way), and I sort of used it as inspiration.

So, like I said, this next part is just sort of an aside that may or may not make the final cut. It really depends on what you guys have to say about it.

So here it is...


Pillsburyon 9 came about in a rather interesting way.

Back around the time of The Radioactivity Wars and The Battles of the Poodle People, a race of small, cutesy, adorable (and thus, incredibly annoying) creatures held a monopoly on the frozen food industry, 500 years in the making.

These &#8220;Dough Boys&#8221;, as they were called, headed up a company known as Pillsbury, Inc. The corporation was known for &#8220;taking care of&#8221; Jimmy Hoffa and filing a number of frivolous lawsuits involving McDonalds coffee &#8220;incidents&#8221;. Oh yeah, and they would produce cheap frozen dough-like treats (biscuits, if you will) on the side.

To hock the cheap dough-like treats&#8230;er, biscuits&#8230;the heads of Pillsbury, Inc. sent their fluffiest Dough Boy out to Hollywood to film thousands of campy commercials. The tactic worked, and Pillsbury&#8217;s products, including their popular hotcakes, sold like, well&#8230;hotcakes. The fluffy Dough Boy and the company he worked for made billions over the course of several hundred years.

The steadily climbing success of the Dough Boys led to a number of imitators, including the Pastry Pals and the Bisquick Brothers, to emerge around the 2400s. Historians like to refer to this time period as the Biscuit Invasion.

Lawyers like to refer to it as the D.C. Bisc-Burnings

You see, the power-hungry heads of Pillsbury, Inc., desperate to make a quick buck or a million, sued every flash-in-the-pan company who tried to get rich off of Pillsbury&#8217;s trademark mixture of fresh dough, tasty preservatives, and, their secret ingredient&#8230;assorted muskrat parts.         

There was one problem, though.

Pillsbury won the lawsuits with ease, but, by the end of the trials, every Earthman and his family knew of the company&#8217;s secret ingredient. Well, it turned out, people found the idea of muskrat biscuits a sort of turn-off, and refused to buy any more Pillsbury products. 

Mortified, Pillsbury, Inc. commissioned the world renowned Planets-in-a-Nanosecond to custom-build a planet for them. At the insistence of the penny-pinching Pillsbury patriarchs, the planet&#8217;s surface was procured using approximately 150, 000 tons of the trademark muskrat dough.

The rest is history.


Well, maybe that wasn&#8217;t an interesting story. But it does explain why the Planet Express crew had to make a delivery to a place called Pillsburyon 9 in the first place.


So, if any of you guys are stupid (er...loyal) enough to stick around, even after I've let you down so many times, I'd love to hear what you have to say about this sorry excuse for an update.

Thanks so much to all of you...and again, I'm sorry. 


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #260 on: 05-31-2005 17:23 »
« Last Edit on: 05-31-2005 17:23 »


Okay, even though I wouldn't blame you if none of you ever came back to this thread, I've decided to post this update. It's kind of funny how suffering from writer's block on two stories (the mayor one and the prose one) can help fuel your creative drive. That explains why this update I'm posting today is for Futurama: The Movie (I guess there's an upside to writing 3 stories at once, huh?)

Anyway, if any of you forget what happened in the last part of the movie fic (I wouldn't blame you--believe me) Fry and Leela had been taken in by the Nibblonians, saw a clip from "The Why of Fry", jumped on a bed, and watched a movie about the brains, starring our lovable Nibbler. I guess that's all you really need to know. Enjoy...


(The screen goes black, and then rolls back up to the ceiling. The lights automatically turn back on. Nibbler turns to Fry and Leela.)

Nibbler: Any questions?

(Fry raises his hand.)

Nibbler: (pointing to Fry) Yes?

Fry: Um, yeah, when you put a Pop Tart in the toaster, is it supposed to explode?

Nibbler: I’m afraid that I am unfamiliar with these “Pop Tarts”. Are they an explosive of some sort?

Fry: Nope. They’re these crusty square things that people use to shingle roofs. Oh, and I guess you could eat them, too.

Nibbler: Oh. In that case, this question has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Fry: That is true.

Nibbler: Okay then, does anyone else have a question?

(A cloaked Nibblonian in the background raises his hand.)

Nibblonian: Um, Mr. Fry…sir? Where can I find these so-called Pop Tarts? ‘Cause, see, I was thinking of remodeling my house and…

Ken: (agitated) Enough! (he sighs) Does anyone have a question about the movie!

Leela: Um, yeah, I do.

Nibbler: What is it?

Leela: Um, I still don’t get why I have to be here. I mean, that movie said nothing about me. What’s all this stuff about me being “the other” about, already?

(A leery Nibbler looks to Ken and Fiona for confirmation. All three Nibblonians share uncertain looks. Nibbler turns back to Leela, nervously.)

Nibbler: (nervously) Well, um, do you want to hear the truth?

Leela: I want to hear some version of the truth.

Ken: Ah, that’s different, then. (turns to Nibbler) Proceed, Lord Nibbler.

Nibbler: As you wish. (clears throat) Leela, how long have you known Fry?

Leela: Too long.

Fry: I resent that.

Nibbler: Exactly, Leela—you’ve known him for more than 4 years. And what have you learned about him in those four-plus years?

Leela: That he doesn’t shower?

Fry: No argument there.

(Nibbler stares at Fry, disgusted.)

Fry: What?

Fiona: This dialogue has gone on far too long. Just get to the point, Lord Nibbler. (staring at Fry; disgusted) Please.

Nibbler: Of course. Now, Leela, as I was saying, the one thing you should know about Fry by now is that he’s as weak as a marshmallow.

Fry: I like marshmallows.

(Leela stares at Fry.)

Fry: What is it? Is there something on my face? Is it a raccoon?

Leela: Fry, I have a question. Did your mother drop you on your head when you were little?

Fry: Plenty of times.

Leela: Ah. Just checking.

(Nibbler coughs, trying to get Leela’s attention.)

Leela: Oh, yeah, right. Um…so, what does Fry’s lack of physical…

(Just then, Fry runs by Leela, screaming and trying frantically to brush something off of his face.)

Leela (cont.): …—and mental—strength have to do with anything?

Nibbler: Well, as you already know, it is Fry’s duty to save the universe from the Brain Spawn.

Leela: Go on.

Nibbler: But, the Brain Spawn are evil, cunning, clever! Did you not pay attention to the movie?

Leela: So, what you’re saying is, Fry needs someone to help protect him?

Nibbler: Yes.

Leela: And I’m that someone?

Nibbler: Exactly.

Leela: Oh. (beat) But wait a minute…how can I protect Fry when I’m not actually immune to the Brain Spawn’s Stupifaction rays?

Ken: Silence! (beat, as he recomposes himself) I mean, we’ll cross that pile of cow heads when we come to it. (turning to Nibbler) Right?

Nibbler: Um, right.

(Fry, who has been running around in the background this whole time, passes by Leela again, screaming.)

Leela: Shut up, Fry!

(In a fit of anger, Leela picks up Nibbler and throws him at Fry. Fry stops dead in his tracks, spins around, then falls to the ground like a bowling pin (with the obvious sound effect). Nibbler falls back to the ground and lands on his feet, pretty much undaunted.)

(Beat, as everyone just stares at Fry, lying on the floor, unconscious. Nibbler turns to Leela.)

Nibbler: Thank you.


So, that's all for now. I'm writing more of this script as we speak, so look for more updates soon. I can't tell you guys enough how much it would mean to me if you read this story...hell, any of my stuff. I feel bad about leaving you all in the loop for over a month, and this is my way of saying thanks...

What, you don't like lemurs?


;)...um, yeah, I was only kidding. Please come back.)


Urban Legend
« Reply #261 on: 05-31-2005 17:57 »

BWAAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!! Most of this played out exactly like an actual ep! I laughed out loud a good number of times. That PopTart bit was classic!

I am usure as to wether Leela would actually throw Nibbler at Fry. Even if she was massively irritated at Fry i don't think she would take the risk of injuring Nibbler. The joke was hilarious though, total lol moment. Nibbler's non-reaction to it was great!

Starship Captain
« Reply #262 on: 05-31-2005 20:24 »

I´m back! Like. Sort of, at least... I´m here, like, which I think is sort of better than back, or about as good, at least. Like.

Anyways: As previously indicated your Movie-fic is very close-canon. I can really see it in the show. While being so close-canon is not requried for a good fic it is impressing that you can write like that. Great update, like so many before which I haven´t adressed.

Space Pope
« Reply #263 on: 05-31-2005 20:28 »

Haha!  :laff:  :laff: That's 2 times the laughs. Really funny. It's hard to master the humor that Futurama has and yet you do a damn well job Gorky.

Urban Legend
« Reply #264 on: 05-31-2005 20:53 »

Welcome back, and you’re forgiven.  Also, I just have to say, you are weird!  I think your sense of humor is odder and more off the wall that Futurama’s ever was.  Don’t go taking that as an insult, as I haven’t stopped reading, so it can’t be bad!

Strangely enough, Tongue Luck and I were just conversing about when you were going to return yesterday.  Talk about timing...

Starship Captain
« Reply #265 on: 05-31-2005 21:05 »
« Last Edit on: 05-31-2005 21:05 »

Hilarious, especially the part with Leela throwing Nibbler.  :laff:   :D Though, I don't think Leela would actually do that. Great work as usual, keep it up. I'll make sure to check PEEL more often, I haven't posted here in a long time.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #266 on: 06-01-2005 08:19 »
« Last Edit on: 06-01-2005 08:19 »

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Strangely enough, Tongue Luck and I were just conversing about when you were going to return yesterday.
Indeed. I was saying that, soon as you showed up again, I intended to read through your whole thread and start posting in it already. Who knew my mid-year resolutions had such psychic drawing power?

Right. In seven pages, there's been far too much material for me to comment on anything too specific, so have some assorted general statements.

I'll admit that I didn't much like your first (nameless, incomplete, currently-being-revamped) fic. However, even at that point, I was struck by how well I felt you handled the Fry-Bender interactions. Many people write Bender as an exaggerated charicature, so it's nice to see him written accurately. Your characterization is, for the most part, damn good, and you've truly nailed Fry's obliviousness and Leela's levelheaded instability.

The only times they really seemed to slip too far out of character, were in some of the early shippy segments. You've been picked on enough for that, so I'll just say that I appreciate the way you've gotten progressively more subtle with it, and eased away from making it the focal point of every story.

It really has been fascinating reading this whole thing, because you've steadily improved in just about every aspect. I don't mean to sound patronizing... It was neat watching someone work out some early kinks and find her voice. And in fast forward, no less.

You have a gift for gags. Even in sections where there's a line or an action or a plot twist that doesn't quite sit right with me, I find myself chuckling too consistently to care much.

Speaking of gags, why are you so hell bent on inducing vomiting? I've read it so many times tonight that I've become completely immune and, disgustingly, a little hungry.

I wonder if you intend to reintroduce the rest of the cast into your movie fic after this Eternium stuff dies down. I hope so. Fry and Leela are the Mighty One and the Other, I dig. But any Futurama movie where Bender, Farnsworth, and the rest are shoved to the side isn't one I'd want to see (...in theaters more than six times). In any case, I'm curious to see where you're going with it. Same goes for your other two incomplete fics.

Your prose is downright fascinating. Some of the most... aggressively quirky stuff I've ever read. It's got this bouncy quality to it, like you just got done freebasing pixie stix, but it still retains a good vocabulary. I remember being happy that you used the word svelte somewhere or other.

The mayor story is a damn good idea, and it's the work in progress I'm the most interested in. I like that it's sort of Leela centric and sort of Fry centric, and the fact that, while outlandish, it's very much the sort of thing an actual episode could be about. More so than your other fics, I'd say.

I read The Dating Game and Single, Uptight, Female on TLZ a while ago. If memory serves, I chuckled consistently and laughed out loud at least once each.

The sun is rising, and I'm fading fast. I desperately need a few hours of sleep. In conclusion, run up a bunch of stairs to the tune of Eye of the Tiger. Chug a glass of raw eggs. Beat that writer's block into submission. Fight, fight, fight!

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #267 on: 06-01-2005 17:09 »
« Last Edit on: 06-01-2005 17:09 »

Hey, this is cool. I chased a chipmunk around a tree a half dozen times, took a nap, then came back to see that there's all these people who think I have serious issues (damn right), but seem to like me, nonetheless. And, I have to admit, I almost died when I saw that Tongue Luck posted in this thread. That probably makes me sound stupid(er) (what with the nerd-nerd admiration), but it's true.

Um, anyway, I figured I'd comment now, post more of my story later (I should have something up by the end of this week.)

Venus: I must say, I'm loving your fic. Now that the flattery's out of the way, let's get down to business. Okay, um, 1.) Nerd-o-rama, I believe, once told me that this movie script is my best work so far, so I'm glad that you thought it played out like a real episode. 2.) I'm glad you liked the Pop-Tarts bit, 'cause I wasn't sure if it was funny or not. 3.) I don't give a damn about the integrity of the characters, which is why I had Leela throw Nibbler at Fry. I kid, I kid--I really did it 'cause it seemed funny (not necessarily the best way to go about it, but...) Anyway, I should probably care more about what I have the characters do in my fics, but I think, more often than not, I let a joke win out.

I: Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you think this story is very close to canon, because I always find it hard to write stories that fit in the Futurama-verse. I hope you stick around for what's to come, and thanks again.

Spacedal: I can't recall if you've ever posted in this thread before. If you have, then welcome back. If you haven't, then...'bout time! (Um...that was a joke...please don't leave.) Anyway, I'm glad that you like my stuff, and I hope you stick around (I think that's become my catchphrase or something, eh?)

Bergey: I'm forgiven? Bless you, sir (*bows*) Of course I'm weird! Please don't tell me you're just noticing now--it'll hurt my feelings. I think I always knew that my stuff was off-the-wall (even moreso than Futurama's stuff, as you said), but, hey, that's why I like writing this stuff. As Bill Odenkirk once said, Futurama is a show where you can write about pretty much anything, and I try to embrace that. Sure, I end up getting strange looks from my readers (and occasionaly some monetary donations to go towards one of those padded rooms in an institution) in the process, but I really love writing this sort of stuff, so there you go. And have you noticed that, whenever someone starts talking about me, I come back. Just shows you what the power of...talkin' 'bout people behind their backs...can accomplish. Oh yeah, and I have to take a peek in your thread and comment...stay tuned.

P_J_F: Well, I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't post on these boards as often as I should. We should start a club, you and me. We could call it the "Post Whenever the Hell We Feel Like It"....Society! And then we could...hey, why are you looking at me like that? ( ;)) Anyway, I'm glad you liked the Nibbler thing (and I'm glad you thought it was out of character...'cause it sort of was). Thanks as always for commenting.

Tongue Luck: Seeing as how I never really thought that you'd comment in my thread (I always thought that I sort of write the shippy stuff that makes you wanna wretch...whoops, another vomit joke...sorry), I'm really surprised (and glad) to see you here.

I have to admit that, looking back on it, my first fic was pretty god-awful (which was why I abandoned it)--especially when it came to handling the ship, as you mentioned. I must admit, you're the first person to point out the Fry-Bender relationship, and how I handle it. I'm glad to see that you enjoy it (and writing Fry and Leela (who I can relate with most) is just plain fun).

And slipping the ship in more subtly has been a big deal to me, because I just don't think that scripts lend well to ship. For one thing, it's hard to write it tactfully without using too much introspection (which, again, doesn't work in script form), and for another, you can't really justify what goes on in a ship fic, without doing it in prose (where the dialogue is minimal, and you beef up on the introspection).

I'm also happy to see that I've apparently improved, because, as I've said before, I like to improve with each new story I've written. And I like to think that I've found my voice script-wise, while, as far as prose goes, I pretty much had a voice to begin with.

Writing gags is usually the easiest part of the writing process for me. Exposition is the hardest, because it limits the amount of gags you can use. And, as far as the vomit gags go, Layla once said that Bergey and I have a way with stretching jokes out. I like to think that vomit gags are my staple--and I refuse to let them die with dignity! I'll simply have to wait until someone prints all of them out, and shoves them down my throat (which is part of he reason as to why I refuse to reveal my exact coordinates).

And, it's funny you should mention reintroducing the rest of the cast, because they're going to be the focus of the next update. Once I get through the formality of actually writing the next update, you'll find out what I'm talking about.

So, you like the prose? You think it's quirky? Think it's bouncy? Really wanna kill me if I don't stop asking all these questions? (Um, what I mean is, I've been writing stories for a pretty long time, and I've found that quirkiness is my creative niche. Glad to see you like it.)

And, as for everything else you said, I'm glad you're liking this (for the most part), and glad you're offering your constructive criticism. 'Cause, let's face it, it's the only way anyone ever improves (short of actually trying, I mean).


Anyway, thank you all for reading. Although, I'm still confused. Did you like the lemur or not? Don't leave me wondering, dammit!

Um, yeah...I'm gonna go now. Hope to get another update up soon.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #268 on: 06-06-2005 18:40 »
« Last Edit on: 06-08-2005 00:00 »

EDIT: Um, there's been a tad bit of confusion regarding what fic this next update is for. And, I, being sorta strung out on this cough/cold medicine junk, forgot to tell you that this is for my movie fic. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Okay, I thought this update would be longer, but it's really only about a page and a half worth of script. But, the thing is, this part of the story is shaping up to be really weird (I mean, as in, unfunny), and so I wanted to get your opinions before I continued. That way, I could retool this part of the script now, when it's still fairly fresh in my mind.

So, um, enjoy, I guess...



(The black screen flitters, like eyes opening. After several attempts, the eyes open completely. We see things from the P.O.V. of someone lying on the ground. The scene is of a park—green grass, blue sky, the whole bit. Bender is sitting on a bench, his head turned, presumably talking to someone.)

Zoidberg (v.o.): (quietly) W-where am I? What’s going on? There’s the ro-but—I’ll ask him what’s going on. (loudly) Hello, friend!

(Cut to Bender on the bench. He turns his head.)

Bender: Oh, it’s you. I thought you died; I ordered a cake.

(Bender holds up a cake that says, “Free At Last, Free At Last!”) 

(Cut to Zoidberg who, by this point, has gotten up and brushed himself off.)

Zoidberg: What’re you talking about? What happened?

(Cut back to Bender.)

Bender: You were fighting with some furry little man over some nuts. Ran into a tree. Funny stuff…good thing I got it all on tape.

(He holds up the tape for Zoidberg (now at Bender’s side) to see.)

Zoidberg: Oh, I’m so happy you didn’t leave me, ro-but! I always knew you liked me!

(Zoidberg hugs Bender, who is absolutely disgusted. He pushes Zoidberg off of him.)

Bender: Hey, hey, hey! Don’t get fresh with me, Romeo-bot. Besides, if it were up to me, I would have left you here. But, lucky for you, I’ve been romancing a lovely fembot for the past couple of days…

(Bender turns his head back towards the other side of the bench, but there’s no fembot in sight. Pull out to reveal that the fembot is arm in arm with a tall, handsome robot.)

Tall Handsome Robot: Hey, baby. Wanna see a real robot’s exhaust pipe?

(The fembot giggles, then skips off with the robot.)

(Pull back in to reveal Bender.)

Bender: Awww man…

Zoidberg: (trying to console Bender) What’s wrong, friend?

Bender: (angrily) Shut up and get in your cage!

Zoidberg: But I don’t have a cage.

Bender: You do now!

(Bender grabs Zoidberg and somehow manages to stuff the lobster into his chest compartment. Bender gets up, and waddles off, each step he takes being marked by a “Whoop, whoop, whoop!” from good ol’ Zoidy.)

(Cut scene of the Planet Express Building, followed by a cut to the Conference Room. Amy and the Professor are playing cards, as Hermes prepares for the day’s meeting. The camera focuses on Amy and Farnsworth.)

Amy: Your turn, Professor.

Farnsworth: Wha-? Oh, um, right. Uh, I’ll take Small Mammals for 500, Alex.

Amy: We’re playing poker, Professor.

Farnsworth: Oh. Well, in that case…

(Farnsworth stops there, and stares into space. Amy looks at him, waiting for a response. Before she gets one, we hear the door open, and see Bender and a woozy Zoidberg walk into the Conference Room.)

Bender: Hiya, Jerks.

Zoidberg: Greetings to all! Zoidberg had a marvelous time! I—

(Farnsworth suddenly comes out of his daze, and turns to Bender and Zoidberg.)

Farnsworth: (angrily) Where have you two been!? You missed approximately 960 minutes of work! That means you owe me twenty-seven dollars and ninety-three cents apiece!

(Everyone just stares at the Professor, in a state of shock.)

Farnsworth: What? I may be senile, but I’m still a genius, dammit! (beat; then, to Bender and Zoidberg) Now have a seat, President Cleveland…both of you.

(The rest of the crew exchange dubious looks, but eventually shrug it off. Bender and Zoidberg take a seat. )


So, that's it for now. Again, I apologize for the length, but, like I said, I really need an opinion before I continue. Oh yeah, and the exhaust pipe line still sort of disgusts me. If you don't like it, please tell me. (It's one of those "gags" that just sort of fit, and, even though I don't really think it's all that...un-dirty...I put it in in spite of myself.)


Urban Legend
« Reply #269 on: 06-06-2005 22:49 »

um...which fic is this for again?

Urban Legend
« Reply #270 on: 06-07-2005 00:46 »

I second Venus's confusion, but I do enjoy the jokes.  It's not unfunny, it's just the jokes are kind of going in all directions, which is normal for you.

And consider yourself the second authoress tonight that I'm going to compliment on her Farnsworth writing skillz.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #271 on: 06-07-2005 06:40 »

Oh yeah, sorry. I posted this when I was high on cold medicine (boy, was that fun...I think I saw Jesus!) This last part that I posted was for my movie fic. (I edited the above post, so this is probably unnecessary, but...)

Anyway, N-o-r, I haven't seen you in this thread in a long time, so...um...I'm glad to see you're back. And I'm also glad to see that you don't think this is unfunny. Thanks.

Oh yeah, and I should have more of this story up soon enough (maybe less than a week.) Stay tuned...

Urban Legend
« Reply #272 on: 06-07-2005 09:19 »

Originally posted by Gorky:
 (boy, was that fun...I think I saw Jesus!)

Was he under the couch? That's where he was when i found Jesus.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #273 on: 06-07-2005 12:21 »

Nope. He was in the broom closet. Come to think of it, that's where I saw Elvis, too.

Um, real update coming soon. Promise.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #274 on: 06-08-2005 05:02 »
« Last Edit on: 06-08-2005 05:02 »

As my earlier ramblings would suggest, I'm happy to see the rest of the cast back in the spotlight a little. Looking forward to seeing how it all eventually comes together.
Originally posted by Gorky:
The scene is of a park—green grass, blue sky, the whole bit.
On a completely random note, I initially misinterpreted that to mean you'd described the grass's color as "park-green". I was all, "Dude... Screw fanfic. Gorky should get a job naming crayons!" Then I reread the paragraph and started thinking instead about the crayon in Homer Simpson's brain and wondering if I shared his affliction. The end.
Bender: Oh, it’s you. I thought you died; I ordered a cake.
Loved it. Perfect line for Bender's asshole side playing off of Zoidberg's easy target side. Which I guess would be his only side. And, at least how I picture the line reading, it's funny in a kind of an understated way, which is always nice to see in this fast paced world of transportation and pop tarts.
(The fembot giggles, then skips off with the robot.)
Skipping robots. I'd love to see that animated.
Farnsworth: (angrily) Where have you two been!? You missed approximately 960 minutes of work! That means you owe me twenty-seven dollars and ninety-three cents apiece!
[and other things]

Man, I've got to second Nerd-o's second authoress compliment. Farnsworth rocked this section like a hurricane.

Two small things that may be worth noting:
(Cut back to Bender.)[i/]

Bender: You were fighting with some furry little man over some nuts. Ran into a tree. Funny stuff…good thing I got it all on tape.

(He holds up the tape for Zoidberg (now at Bender’s side) to see.)
A little typo with the tags. Not a big deal at all, but on the off chance that you don't catch it...

Bender: (angrily) Shut-up and get in your cage!
The hyphen looks a tad unnatural to my eyes. I typically see "shut up" with just a space in between.

All in all, short but pretty sweet. I wish you and your sweatshop of overworked ghostwriters luck getting the next update out.

Space Pope
« Reply #275 on: 06-08-2005 12:11 »

Hey Gorky. No as far as I know, I haven't posted at this thread before and thanks to your very encouraging words, which were (I hope you stick around), I shall indeed stick around. Interesting last part.

I wasn't sure if that was the next part of the one that I was reading or what. But it was still very funny. But now I've gone and re-read the part about that being for your movie fic. And I know what it's like to be strung out on medicine. When I got some antibiotics for a bad case of the hives, everything I touched made me vibrate.

So anyway, keep up the good work. If I were a teacher I'd put one of those stickers on your update.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #276 on: 06-10-2005 16:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-10-2005 16:48 »

Okay, so here's the deal. This whole arc with the rest of the PE crew is gonna take awhile to write. And it's sort of a challenging section of the story to write, because there's a lot of setup stuff, which I always find difficult. So, I've decided to sort of post smaller updates (a couple a week), so that this thread doesn't fall by the wayside (and I know that it will if I don't post in it often enough...my "life" might get in the way of my "writing" ).

That said, first I'll reply to all you faithful readers, then I'll post my (small...sorry) update.

Venus: Although I'm sorry for confusing you, I'm gonna pretend you really loved this last section I posted. That way, my ego remains intact. (Seriously, though, I'm just glad that you stick around and read what I have to say...er, write. Thanks, as always.)

Nerd-o-rama: Like I said, I'm glad to see you back in this thread. I hope that everything else good ol' Farnsie has to say can make you laugh.

Tongue Luck: So I'm not the only one who stuffed a crayon up her nose? Neat! Er, anyway, I'm glad that you liked the Bender/Zoidy interaction. I wrote that exchange before reading JBERGES story (where there was also some Robot/Lobster interaction), and I realized that they make a funny pair (like you said, it's fun to see Bender's asshole and Zoidberg's easy target sides bouncing off of one another). And I'm glad that you, too, enjoyed Farnsworth. Oh yeah, and I fixed the two typos. (Writing "shut up" with a hyphen was an unconcious thing...I have no idea if it belongs there, but I love me hyphens. It did look sort of unnatural, now that you mention it.)

Spacedal: Yes! I was right! (*Gives self pat on the back*) Er, I mean, it's nice to see that I've hooked you in. And it's great to see that you're enjoying this story. I hope I can keep it interesting.

And now it's time for the story (to avoid confusion, I thought you should know that this is for my movie fic)...


(The rest of the crew exchange dubious looks, but eventually shrug it off. Bender and Zoidberg take a seat. Hermes ceremoniously whacks a handsome-looking gavel on one of them...gavel-whacking-on-wooden-platform thingies.)

Hermes: (clears his throat) Now, da first item of business has got ta do wit’ this nice little gavel dat I went and done bought myself with the company’s money. (he strokes it lovingly as he continues) Dis lovely little t’ing cost this company quite a pretty penny. So, don’t be surprised if you don’t get paid dis month. (he sets the gavel down) And now onto less important matters. It has come ta my attention dat…

(Bender notices something.)

Bender: Hey, where’re Fry and the bossy lady?

Farnsworth: Oh, Bender, you and your wild imagination. There’s no such thing as a “Fry”. He’s merely a myth…like Santa Claus and world peace.

Amy: (scanning her surroundings) Hey, Hermes, Bender’s right. There’s no sign of Fry or Leela.

Hermes: I can’t believe it! I must’ve been so caught up in my new gavel dat I totally forgot about any of you morons.

Bender: Who’re you callin’ a moron?

Amy: I think what Bender means is, where could Fry and Leela be?

Bender: No. I meant, (to Hermes) Who’re you callin’ a moron!?

Amy: Okay, Bender, you’re not making this situation any easier.

Bender: I’m not trying to.

Zoidberg: And you’re doing a fantastic job, if I do say so myself, Mr. Bender, sir!

Bender: (making a fist) Shut up, you…

(Zoidberg cowers in fear of Bender and his shiny metal a--…er, fist. In an attempt to regain control of the room, Hermes whacks his gavel repeatedly.)

Hermes: People! Can’t we stand ta be in da same room wit’ each other for at least five minutes?

Bender: Hell, no!

Amy: I actually agree with Bender on this one.

Hermes: Oh, for the love of Jah…

(Farnsworth, who seems to have been ignored by everyone (including me), decides to speak up.)

Farnsworth: Oh, c’mon, everyone, listen to Hermes. After all, he does have the gavel. And he is the man in charge of your paychecks, if you catch my drift.

(The rest of the crew stares at the Professor, yet again, for a beat.)

Hermes: Well den, shall we continue?

Bender/Amy: Yeah.

(Bender jabs Amy lightly in the side to get her attention, then motions towards the Professor.)

Bender: (whispering) You ever notice how he always starts making sense just when things are getting out of control?

Amy: (whispering) Yeah. It’s really convenient.

Hermes: Ahem.

Amy: Oh, yeah, right.

(Bender, Zoidberg and Amy sit down.)


So it didn't really drive the plot that much, but I wanted all of the characters to bounce off of one another for a little while. And I couldn't really think of a better way for the crew to notice Fry and Leela's abscence. And, if you thought this part was unfunny, wait'll you see what's next. Exposition City, baby!

As always, comments, criticisms, and cough syrup are always appreciated. (Hey...it's all alliteration...ie.)

Urban Legend
« Reply #277 on: 06-10-2005 17:41 »

I actually did like the Zoidberg/Bender chapter. I just didn't know where it went was all. I liked this chapter too although like you said, it was short and didn't do much for the plot as a whole.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #278 on: 06-10-2005 23:41 »

It seems like, when you write a short section like this, you feel extra obligated to fit in an acceptable amount of jokes. Which leads to this neat, super high joke per minute ratio. Especially if you're a speed reader.

Originally posted by Gorky:
Bender: Who’re you callin’ a moron?

Amy: I think what Bender means is, where could Fry and Leela be?

Bender: No. I meant, (to Hermes) Who’re you callin’ a moron!?
My favorite joke of the section. Poor Amy rises to the occasion of being joke setter upper and voice of reason pretty well. Someone needs to pick up the slack with Leela gone, I guess. A similar phenomenom to...
Bender: (whispering) You ever notice how he always starts making sense just when things are getting out of control?

Amy: (whispering) Yeah. It’s really convenient.
Right-o! Want some spackle for your fourth wall?

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #279 on: 06-12-2005 07:28 »
« Last Edit on: 06-12-2005 07:28 »

Yeah...um, so, I was actually able to write this section in less time than I thought it would take. Granted, I'm not sure if it's any good, but I think it warrants at least one or two ha-has or gee-that-wasn't-unfunnys. Okay, that didn't make any sense. What I mean to say is (after these personal respong thing-a-ma-bobbers), enjoy this update. If you don't then...*points to random man on the street*...he did it.


Venus: Yay! I wasn't putting words in your mouth! And, as always, I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. Thanks.

Tongue_Luck: An interesting theory. I guess I am sort of obligated. And if I'm not, and it turns out that I'm just lazy to write such short sections, then I'll just refer back to the quote "Brevity is the soul of funny junk...I mean, 'of wit', 'of wit'...'brevity is the soul of wit'". Er, anyway, thanks for reading. And, as for the spackle, I've already got some.

Thanks, though.

Anyway, onto the update...


(Bender, Zoidberg and Amy sit down. Hermes takes charge.)

Hermes: Da last time I saw Fry and Leela was when I sent dem on dat delivery to Planet Eternium. Has anyone seen dem since den?

(Everyone else collectively shakes their heads “no”.)

Hermes: Hmmm… So, none of you have any idea where da two of dem could be?

(Everyone shakes their heads again.)

Hermes: I can’t believe dat none of you know where Fry and Leela are!

Farnsworth: Fry and Leela? Why, I know where they are!

Amy: You do?

Hermes: But you just shook your head “no” two seconds ago!

Farnsworth: I didn’t shake my head.

Hermes: Yes ya did, ya loony! (shakes his head) Remember?

Farnsworth: Oh, that. Why, that was nothing but a neck spasm.

Bender: (making a fist) I’ll show you neck spasm, old man! Now do you know where the skintube and his girlfriend are or not?!

Farnsworth: Oh my, yes.

Amy: Well, where are they?

Farnsworth: They’re still on that godforsaken rock Hermes sent them to a couple of days ago.

Hermes: How do you know dat?

Farnsworth: Well, said godforsaken rock is quite a distance away from this godforsaken rock.

Amy: Are you saying that they ran out of fuel, Professor?

Farnsworth: I have no idea what I’m saying. All I know is that Fry and Leela are stuck on Planet Eternium.

Hermes: But how da you know dat?

Farnsworth: Easy. The Planet Express Ship was constructed mainly of cheap scrap metal. It was bound to break down sooner or later. Well, technically sooner, not later. But I think you get what I mean.

Amy: Not in the least.

Farnsworth: Oh well, I’ve done all I feel like doing to help you. I’m going to bed.

(Farnsworth just sits still for a moment. Then, his head flops over onto the table, and he begins drooling and snoring.)

Hermes: What was dat all about?

Bender: I have no idea. (stands up dramatically) But I think it’s clear what we must do now!

Zoidberg: Yes sir, Mister Bender, sir!

Bender: Oh, would you get out of here already?!

(Bender quickly opens up his chest compartment, pulls out a random pickaxe, and throws it at Zoidberg. Zoidberg runs out of the room, whoop-whoop-whooping all the way.)

Bender: (resuming dramatic stance) Like I was saying, we’ve gotta save Meatbag and Ponytail!

Hermes: No way!

Amy: Why not?

Hermes: Because how do we know dat da Professa’s not just makin’ all dis up?

Amy: Well, we don’t really, but…

Hermes: Exactly.

Bender: But…but…(a thought strikes him) Can you imagine how many of those forms of yours you’ll get to fill out if it turns out that the living prune was wrong?

Hermes: Keep talkin’…

Bender: I mean, there’s gotta be a lot of paperwork to fill out when some old guy sends you out on a snipe hunt, right?

Amy: Um…yeah! Bender’s right. Aren’t there a whole bunch of papers to fill out for…Incontinence—er—Incompetence in the Workplace?

Hermes: (drooling a little) Well, yes…yes dere are.

Bender: You like papers, remember?

(Hermes nods, entranced. He seems to be frozen still.)

Bender: (whispering to Amy) I think we got him. Now go get him and all those other jerks to the hangar.

Amy: Sure. (beat) Say, Bender, why are you so concerned for other people’s welfare all of a sudden? It’s so unlike you.

Bender: (sheepishly) Well…um…I mean, there’s still so much stuff left to loot from those lovebirds…and stuff. It’s not like I care about them or anything…just their swag.

(Bender stands there, embarrassed, for a moment, as Amy stares at him. She gives Bender a knowing look before leaving to go get the others. When she's gone, Bender looks upward towards the sky.)

Bender: Stupid semi-lovable pets…

(Bender stares solemnly up at the sky for a beat.)

Amy (o.s.) : Bender!

Bender: (turns around in all directions; nervously) Um…I didn’t say anything!

Amy (o.s.) : Huh?

Bender: Er…I mean, what is it?

Amy (o.s.) : Could you come here a second?

Bender: No.

Hermes (o.s.) : Oh, for Jah’s sake man! Get your shiny metal ass down here!

Bender: Hey! That’s Mr. Shiny Metal Ass to you!

Hermes (o.s.) : Get down here!

Bender: Fine! If you insist…

(We close-in on Bender’s head as he makes his way down to the hangar.)

Bender: Okay. What is it?

Amy: I think we have a problem.

(Pull out to reveal an empty hangar — no ship in sight (well, duh…))

Bender: Dammit!

(Cut to the exterior of “Adams’ Auto Rentals (A Free Towel to Every 50th Customer!)”. A luxurious spaceship can be seen on the left side of the screen. Farnsworth, Zoidberg, and Hermes are examining the ship, while Bender and Amy are doing business with the dealer.)

Dealer: That’ll be 200 thousand dollars.

Bender: Here ya go.

(Bender hands the dealer a huge wad of cash, as Amy looks on.)

Amy: Where’d you get all that money?

Bender: Your wallet. Here.

(Bender hands her the wallet back. She opens it up and quickly looks through it. She pulls out her driver’s license, and sees that her picture has been cut out of it.)

Amy: Hey! Where’d my picture go?

Bender: (holding up a pair of scissors) Honey, that picture wasn’t doin’ favors for anyone!

(Amy curses Bender out in Cantonese as the dealer hands Bender the keys to the ship.)

Bender: Pleasure doing business with you. (to Amy) C’mon, toots.

(Amy grunts, but relents, and follows Bender to the ship. The camera pans over so that the ship’s exterior takes up the whole frame. We can see the characters’ silhouettes through the ship’s window.)

Farnsworth (v.o.) : Let’s get out of here before I change my mind.

Zoidberg (v.o.) : I call shotgun!

Bender (v.o.) : Oh no you don’t!

(Bender opens up his chest compartment, pulls out a chef’s hat, and puts it on.)

Bender (cont.; v.o.) : Who’s up for shrimp gumbo?

(We can see Zoidberg give chase, and Bender follows.)

Bender (v.o.) : Come back here, entrée! 

(The sound of someone being hit on the head with something resembling a pot can be heard.)


Kind of a weird place to stop, but I've come to respect nothing more...er...less from myself.
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