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Author Topic: Gal You've Never Heard Of Rips Off JBERGES!  (Read 15684 times)
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Urban Legend
« Reply #120 on: 10-27-2004 16:37 »
« Last Edit on: 10-27-2004 16:37 »

I don't know what the parody is yet, but its good to see you posting again.  Also,
Ooo, Rollos!

TOTP My-browser-doesn't-support-animated-GIFs D.

Urban Legend
« Reply #121 on: 10-28-2004 01:30 »

Hey, Gorky's back, and still not as lazy as me! 

A nice opening piece.  May I suggest the opening music and caption go after this scene?  It would make a good cold opening.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #122 on: 11-07-2004 12:26 »

Thanks again, everyone. And yeah, I'm back, just irregularly. Nice to see I've brought Nerd-o-rama to the Point of No Return, seemingly for good, and good to see Venus here as well. As for your suggestion, JBERGES, I'll take it into consideration. I'll probably go with what you said, though.


(Cut to the New New York streets. Bender, Fry, and Leela (l to r) are standing around a manhole cover.)

Leela: Bender, would you like to do the honors?

Bender: No.

Leela: Let me rephrase that…(she pulls out a crowbar)

Bender: Aw, alright…

(Bender extends his arms, reaching his hands under the cover. He bends the right side upward, in half, and then lifts the cover. He proceeds to fold the cover into an origami dove…thing. He looks at it, beaming.)

Fry: (snickering)

(Bender becomes enraged at Fry, and hurls the dove at him. The force of the throw causes Fry to fall over backwards, into the open manhole. Bender folds his arms in scorn, while Leela looks down in shock.)


Fry (o.s.): I’m okay!

Bender: (sarcastically) Woo.

Fry: Lucky for me, Leela here caught me. Say, Leela, did you dye your hair? Um…and change your clothes?

Leela: Fry? What the hell are you talking about?

(Cut to the sewers. A mutant almost identical to Leela—save the fact that her hair is red and she is wearing tattered peasant clothes—is holding Fry in her arms.)

Leela (o.s.; cont.): We’re coming down.

(When the mutant hears this, she drops Fry and runs off-screen. After a beat or two, Bender and Leela enter the frame from a ladder.)

Leela: Fry, are you okay?

Fry: No.

Leela: Can you walk?

Fry: No.

Leela: Where’d that mutant go?

Fry: No…(beat) I mean, over there.

(Fry points to the left of the frame. Leela stares ponderously in that direction for a moment.)

Bender: C’mon, humans! We came here to loot, and loot we must.

(Leela and Fry turn to Bender.)

Leela: What’d you say?

Bender: Who said I said anything about stealin’! I meant we were gonna visit your dad! I mean, I didn’t say anything…

Fry: What?

Leela: Bender’s right. Look you guys, let’s just forget about what Fry saw, okay?

Bender: Aye, aye, Captain.

(Bender opens up his chest compartment, takes out a guitar, and hits Fry over the head with it. Leela stares at the spectacle, her jaw wide.)


Fry: Hi.

(Leela rolls her eye and the three continue on towards the house.)


Comments? I know this is just a lot of nothing, but I hope it held your attention.

And I'm still taking bets as to what this whole thing is more or less a spoof of...er...I mean "homage to".


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #123 on: 11-08-2004 06:23 »

Well, I managed to get another part in a very short period of time, so I guess I'll post it now...


(Cut to the Turanga household. Fry, Leela, and Bender are standing outside the door. Leela knocks gently.)

Bender: You call that a knock? I’ll show you a knock.

(He clenches his hand into a fist, closes his eyes, and swings his arms in a circular motion—like a pitcher winding up. As this is happening, Turanga Morris opens the door.)

Leela: Happy birthday…

(Bender unwinds and knocks on the “door”…by which I mean Morris’s face. Morris falls over backwards.)

Bender: Wasn’t me…

(Turanga Munda walks up to the door.)

Munda: Leela, you’re here! (she sees Morris on the floor, unconscious) Morris, wake up, your daughter’s here.

(Morris is unresponsive.)

Munda: Oh…

(Cut to the living room of the house. Munda and Leela sit on the couch with Morris between them, his face bruised and a bandage wrapped around his head. Fry is sitting in an armchair to their right with a party hat on, and Bender is standing to their left.)

Leela: (apologetically) I’m so sorry about what Bender did, Dad. Are you okay?

Morris: (facing Munda) Of course, Leela. Now could you please stop spinning?

(Munda and Leela exchange concerned looks.)

Leela: Um, why don’t I give you your present, Dad. (she turns to Bender) Bender?

(Beat, as everyone turns expectantly to Bender.)

Bender: Whadda you lookin’ at? (pause) Oh, right.

(He takes a small wrapped box out of his chest compartment and hands it to Leela.)

Leela: Here, dad. (Morris still faces Munda) Dad? Over here.

Morris: Oh, hi, sweetie. When did you get here?

Leela: Um…why don’t you open your present?

(She hands him the box, and he unwraps it. He opens the box, and pulls out a locket.)

Morris: Aww…

Leela: Look inside.

(Morris opens the locket, and we see it from his POV for a moment. We can see a picture of Leela, Morris, and Munda inside.)

Morris: (reading) “Bake for two hours at 350 degrees. Let sit for one hour…”

Leela: Um, why don’t you let Mom read it?

Munda: Good idea.

(Morris hands Munda the locket. As she reads it, a soft smile forms on her face.)

Munda: (reading) “Thanks for everything, Dad. If it weren’t for you and Mom, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I love you. Your daughter, Leela.” Oh, honey…

(She turns to Leela and hugs her. Fry and Morris look on at the sweet tableau.)

Leela: I love you, Mom.

Munda: I love you too, honey…


Bender: I don’t meant to interrupt…

Fry: Yes you do.

Bender:…But isn’t there supposed to be food at this thing?

(Leela and Munda pull apart, and look to Bender.)

Munda: Oh, that’s right, the cake. It’s in the kitchen. I’ll go get it.

Leela: I’ll come with you.

(The exit stage left. We stay on the same shot.)


Morris: Where am I?

(Cut to the kitchen. It is a pretty plain room, much like the others. A small, round table sits in the middle of the room, as do the other kitchen utilities. There is a window above the sink.  On the counter, there is a birthday cake.)

(Munda and Leela enter the kitchen, and head for the cake. They look it over. It simply says “Happy Birthday, Morris” and has two figurines—one of a mutant, and another of a man with a net and a hat that says “Ghost Busters”. “Ghost” is crossed out and replaced with “Mutant”)

Munda (re: cake): Funny, huh?

Leela: (dishonest) Um…yeah…I guess.

(Leela heads to the sink. She looks out the window. There’s not much to see.)

Leela: (sigh) You know, Mom, sometimes, when I’m all alone, I think about you and Dad, and all of the things I missed about growing up with you guys…

(Munda walks to her side.)

Munda: It must have been hard for you.

Leela: Yeah…it was just…(shocked) Oh my God, it’s that lady Fry made up!

Munda: What?

(Through the window, we can see the Leela-esque mutant. She passes by the window, a la Bigfoot in the now infamous videotape. She turns and sees Leela and Munda watching her. She scurries away like a small, scared animal.)

Munda: Leela, what are you doing out there?

Leela: Mom! I’m right here!

Munda: Oh, right. Who was that?

Leela: I don’t know…

(She opens the window and begins climbing out.)

Leela (cont.): …But I’m gonna find out. I’ll be back.

(She jumps to the ground and heads in the direction of the other mutant.)

Munda: (sigh) Never a dull moment…

(Just then, we hear voices from off-screen.)

Fry (o.s.): No, Mr. Leela…sir. Don’t!

Morris: (singing off-key) Ch-ch-changes!…

(Munda rolls her eye and sighs.)

Munda: Morris, what’d I say about doing Bowie!

(She heads off-screen, towards the living room.)


Admittedly, this part hardly advances the plot, but I thought it'd be nice to have a little "share the love" kind of moment. Hopefully it worked without being too sappy. Again, I'm open to all comments, criticisms, and so on.

Urban Legend
« Reply #124 on: 11-10-2004 00:07 »
« Last Edit on: 11-10-2004 00:07 »

Hmm.  Somehow this update slipped by me.  Are you a fan of Family Guy by chance?  I see a bit of that style finding its way into your work.  What with completely random things happening for comic effect and such.
Bender: Aye, aye, Captain.

(Bender opens up his chest compartment, takes out a guitar, and hits Fry over the head with it. Leela stares at the spectacle, her jaw wide.)
Funny, but just completely out of left field.  Not a bad thing, mind you.  And I have no clue what this is a tribute to yet… 

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #125 on: 11-10-2004 06:53 »
« Last Edit on: 11-10-2004 06:53 »

I can see what you mean...but no, I'm not that big a fan of Family Guy. Sure, I've seen it plenty of times, but it's not something I aspire to achieve comedically. But now that you mention it, I can see that I have been writing a lot of "out-of-left-field" gags. It's probably because, in my opinion, I still haven't quite found my comedic niche yet--and I don't want it to be "just a lotta jokes slapped together to form something resembling a story". I guess I'll have to be a bit more mindful of how many gags like that I write in the future.

Anyway, point well taken, JBERGES, and thanks as always for commenting.

P.S. I'll probably have another update sometime within the next two days--perhaps even tonight.

EDIT: Just realized something. JBERGES, is the whole guitar joke too vague? The point is that Bender's making Fry forget about the whole thing by whacking him over the head with a heavy object (or at least that's what I intended). If you didn't get my intention, then I can see why the whole "out-of-left-field" thing applies moreso than I originally thought.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #126 on: 11-10-2004 17:11 »
« Last Edit on: 11-10-2004 17:11 »

I'm currently working on a big Pink Panther parody music montage for an upcoming scene, and it's coming along very slowly. But, I have managed to write a bit more before that particular scene, and here it is.


(Cut to the sewers. Leela is searching for the mutant—lurking through the dark, dingy sewers. She has her wrist-a-ma-jiggy up to her face, holding it with her opposite arm. She takes careful, precise steps.)

Leela: (whispering to herself) Okay, Leela, don’t give up. She couldn’t have gotten that far. Stay calm.

(Just then, we hear deep, heavy breathing coming from behind Leela. This causes the already nervous Leela to jump in fright, accidentally causing her wrist-a-ma-jiggy to fire a laser.)

Leela: Ah! (she turns around, and sees the mutant) (calmly) I mean…hello there.

(The mutant stares blankly at her. Awkward silence follows for a beat.)


Leela: Well…I guess I’ll be going.

(Leela turns to go, but the mutant stops her.)

Mutant: No, wait…

Leela: Okay…

Mutant: Hi (she extends her hand to Leela; she shakes it). I’m Eve.

Leela: I’m Leela.

Eve: Hi, Leela.

(Another awkward silence, as the two stare blankly at each other yet again.)

Leela: Well…I guess I’ll be going.

(Leela turns to go, but Eve stops her.)

Eve: No, wait…

Leela: Okay…

Eve: Can I ask you something?

Leela: (correcting her) Axe.

Eve: What?

Leela: Um…never mind. Go ahead…ask.

Eve: What’s an alien doing down here?

Leela: I’m no alien…I’m a mutant.

Eve: A mutant? You mean…like me?

Leela: Uh-huh.

Eve: (sadly) Oh…it must be great on the surface.

Leela: Yeah, yeah…it is.

Eve: Well, I guess you’ll be wanting to get back up there. I won’t keep you any longer…I guess I’ll be going.

(Eve gets up to go, but Leela stops her.)

Leela: Wait, don’t go…

Eve: Why?

Leela: (Beat) You’re coming with me.

(Cut to the Turanga household, living room. Morris is lying down on the couch, an ice pack on his head, which is resting on Munda’s lap. Meanwhile, Fry and Bender are playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Fry is blindfolded, and Bender looks on. The usual poster displaying a tailless donkey is noticeably absent.)

Fry: Am I close, Bender?

(Bender opens up his chest compartment, and we can see the poster of the donkey rolled up in his chest. He looks down, then at Fry, who is nowhere near Bender and his compartment, but closer to the cement wall.)

Bender: Nope.

(We cut to Bender.)


(Off-screen, we hear a loud crash.)

Bender: Tee hee hee…

(Just then, we hear a knock on the door.)

Bender: I’ll get it.

(Bender extends his arms and opens the door. We see that Leela and Eve are there. Without looking at them, Bender slams the door in their faces.)

Bender: Thank you, come again.

(An angry Leela kicks the door open. Seeing Leela, Munda gets up.)

Munda: Leela, you came back!

Leela: Of course I did, Mom. Why wouldn’t I?

Munda: Well, I thought you might have had more important things to do than stay here and watch your father make an idiot of himself. (She turns sharply in Morris’s direction. He gets up.)

Morris: Not so loud…I feel like I was hit in the head with a big iron stick.

Bender: (proudly) 30%, baby (he knocks on his chest)

Leela: Oh good, Dad, you’re feeling better. I have something I have to show Mom and you.

(She turns to the door, where we can see Fry taking off his blindfold and clutching his head in pain.)

Leela: (calling towards the door) Come on in, Eve!

(After a few moments of silence, Eve opens the door timidly. She slowly walks over the Leela, Munda, and Morris.)

Morris: Munda, get the thermometer—I’m seeing double.

Munda: (gasps) Leela, it’s that other girl!

Leela: Mom, Dad, this is Eve. She’s a mutant, like the three of us.

(Bender walks towards the other four and examines them all closely for moment.)

Bender: Ah…I see the resemblance—a family of one-eyes…

(The group turns to Bender, their eyes narrowed in hostility.)

Bender: What?

(Just as it appears that the four unhappy mutants are about to turn on Bender, Fry walks towards the group.)

Fry: Hey, Leela (he nods at Leela), Leela (he nods at Eve). (Beat) Wait, what?

Leela: Fry, this is Eve.

Fry: Well, that explains everything. If anyone needs me, I’ll be rooting through your garbage with Bender.

(Bender and Fry exit the room, out the door.)

Munda: So, Eve, what brings you here?

Eve: Well, Leela has this plan to sneak me up onto the surface, because I look more like an alien than a mutant, like her. But it’s a secret, so I’m not supposed to tell anyone. (Beat, as Eve realizes what she has just done) Oops…sorry.

Leela: That’s okay. Look, Mom and Dad, I’m going to try and get Eve to blend in with Fry, Bender, and me when we go back up to the surface. I need you guys to cover for me, so the other mutants don’t see what we’re doing.

Munda: Can do, sweetie.

Leela: Great. Wait here. I have to go tell Fry and Bender the plan.

(Just as Leela is about to make her way towards the door, Fry and Bender open it and come in.)

Bender: No need to explain.

Fry: Bender and me were listening through the door.

Leela: Why?

Fry: (he shrugs) I ‘unno.

Leela: (sigh) Whatever. Now c’mon, it’s getting late.

(Everyone heads out the door.)


A few things. First, for any of you who are wondering why I chose to name the other mutant Eve, there are a few reasons. 1.) I'm not that good at naming mutants using cool sci-fi names, 2.) I wanted a name that sort of resembled the name "Leela", and 3.) it's a small tribute to an episode of "The X-Files". Also, I realize that this part may not have been up to par humor-wise, but I'll try to fix that in subsequent parts. And finally, look for another update tomorrow, hopefully.


Bending Unit
« Reply #127 on: 11-10-2004 17:50 »

Yay! Whoo! Awesome job, Gorky. This is a lot of fun. Fry and Bender are just perfect, and I love poor dizzy Morris. It's so cute! I like Eve as a name for the Leela-mutant, and it's making me conjure up X-file memories. Is there a particular reason she looks like Leela? Just curious. Can't wait for the next update, now I gotta work on mine!  :)

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #128 on: 11-11-2004 07:36 »

Thanks, Layla! Glad you're enjoying this...it makes it all worthwhile. Oh and, in answer to your question, yes, there is a reason Eve looks somewhat like Leela (for one thing, it's what gives Leela the idea to take her up to the surface with her, but another bigger reason is about to come). Also, can't wait for your next fic update...I'm lovin' every minute of it!

P.S. Another update is coming, hopefully by early this afternoon or in the evening.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #129 on: 11-11-2004 16:42 »

Okay, this next part is incredibly short, but I decided to post it. It's just the montage I was taliking about earlier. It's just a lot of stage direction, but I'd like to get some feedback on it to see if I'll have to cut it. Here it goes...


(Cut to the sewers. “Pink Panther” music is playing as the following montage takes place:

Leela enters the frame from stage left. She is wearing a long jacket and hat. She takes cautious steps until she reaches the right edge of the frame. She then turns to the left and motions for Fry and Bender to follow her. They enter the frame, whistling nonchalantly. When they get to Leela, the three of them motion for Munda, Morris, and Eve to follow. The three of mutants are cloaked, with Eve tightly wedged between Morris and Munda. They eventually reach the other three. Fry turns to Leela.)

Fry: Why are you wearing that coat?

(The music stops suddenly, like a record player.)


Leela: What, this? No reason.

(She rips the coat and hat off, and throws them to the side. The music resumes, as does the action:

Leela turns her head from side to side, checking to see if the coast is clear. When she sees that it is, she motions for the others to follow her. They do, and we pan along with them as they slowly reach the ladder. When they do, Leela is the first to climb it. We cut to the manhole cover. After a beat, it slowly opens, and we can see Leela’s eye through a small crack. She looks to all sides of her, and sees nothing. She lifts the manhole cover, and climbs out. She looks down the sewers and motions for Fry and Bender to come up. They come up, closing the manhole cover behind them. Eve is noticeably absent. Just then, we hear a crash come from inside Bender’s chest compartment. The music stops again, as Fry and Leela turn to Bender.)

Bender: Oh, right…

(He opens up his compartment, and Eve comes tumbling out. She composes herself, and gets up. Then, the music resumes as the four of them run towards Planet Express, which we can see on the horizon.)


Yeah, it was incredibly boring, with only a couple of lines of dialogue, but I just had to see what you guys think. So please, tell me.

I'll probably have an actualy update tomorrow, maybe very late tonight.



DOOP Secretary
« Reply #130 on: 11-13-2004 12:41 »
« Last Edit on: 11-13-2004 12:41 »

Okay, here's the deal. This new fic (I'm surprised no one has even ventured out and took a guess on the parody) is taking a while to finish. But, remember that old Futurama movie script I was working on? Well, I promised Nerd-o-rama (and was inspired by Layla) to write some more of it. So, here it is. Actually, first I'll post the whole fic up to this new part, because I'm sure that you guys probably don't want to have to search for the older parts throughout this thread...


Cold Opening

(Cut scene of the Planet Express Building)

(We hear Nibbler’s voice, as he narrates)

Nibbler: The world of tomorrow—a world inhabited by hemped up, apish morons… better known as humans. It is a world different from that of past centuries—robots and humans live together in perfect harmony…

(Cut to a shot of Bender and Fry sitting together on the Planet Express couch watching TV. As Nibbler continues narrating, the two stare vacantly at the screen. Fry occasionally scratches himself and Bender sometimes takes a swig from a bottle of beer or a drag from his cigarette)

Nibbler: Take, for example, this bending robot. (close in on Bender)  His name, Bender. His job, … um, I’ll get back to you on that. (close in on Fry) Anyway, Bender’s best friend, Fry, is the delivery boy for this, the Planet Express Delivery Service. Fry is a diligent…(Fry scratches himself)…um, somewhat productive…(Fry burps)…semi-interested…(Fry picks his nose)…

Nibbler (cont.): (frustrated)…You have to work with me here, Fry! Ugh, forget it. Let’s get to the more productive employees.

(Scene changes to Leela working on the Planet Express ship)

Nibbler: Ah, Leela, the captain of the Planet Express ship. The most beautiful woman…er, alien…er, mutant in Fry’s world…much to her dismay.

(Scene changes to the Planet Express crew sitting at the conference table, Hermes at the head. After a beat, the camera closes in on Hermes)

Nibbler: This is Hermes, the bureaucratic tightwad of the bunch. He manages the finances of the company for his less-than-able employer, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

(Cut to the Professor. He’s fast asleep. After lingering on the shot for a beat, the camera moves towards Amy and Zoidberg—conveniently seated next to each other.)

Nibbler: Rounding out this bunch of buffoons, Amy Wong, the rich staff intern from Mars, and Dr. John Zoidberg, the um…”highly qualified” staff physician.

(Pull out to reveal the entire conference table and its occupiers)

Nibbler: Believe it or not, the fate of our world, our universe, lies in the hands of these seven weirdos. End transmission.

(The screen changes to static, then the familiar opening theme starts)

Opening Caption: Now a major motion picture…really

Cartoon Clip: The final seconds of “The Devil’s Hands are Idle Playthings”

(Fry, Leela, and Bender are sitting on the PE couch watching TV. Linda and Morbo are on.)

Morbo(reminiscent of a certain morning talk show diva): So Morbo Jr. called me in, and wouldn’t you know it, the thing was this big! Oh, it was the cutest thing. When he flushes, he says (classic Morbo) I WILL DESTROY YOU!

(Cut back to Fry, Leela, and Bender. Just then, the Professor walks in. He has a paper pinned to his forehead)

Farnsworth: Good news, everybody! You were supposed to be sent on a deadly mission to a distant planet, but I lost the paper with the directions, so that means….

Leela: Um…Professor?

Farnsworth: What?

Bender: Enough with your mindless chitchat! Give it here!

(Bender’s arms extend to the Professor’s forehead. He takes the pin out and takes the paper. When he does this, the puncture hole from the pin starts leaking air.)

Bender: Oops. Sorry.

(Bender puts the pin back in the Professor’s forehead. He reels his arms back to their original length. He hands the paper to Leela.)
Leela: Hmm…”Planet Eternium”?…Never heard of it.

(Cut to Nibbler—diaper, cape, the whole routine--sitting in the corner near the doorway. When he hears Leela’s words, he runs out the doorway frantically)

(Cut to the Conference Room. Hermes is at the table’s head, with Leela, Fry, Bender, and the Professor seated)

Hermes: As you already know, today’s mission is to Planet Eternium.

Fry(confused): It is?

Leela: What Fry means is, what’s the mission?

Hermes: You all ‘ll be deliverin’ dis crate.

(Scruffy wheels out a cart with a crate on it. The crate has the words: “No Peeking” written in huge block letters on it)

Bender (to Scruffy): Who are you?

Scruffy: Scruffy, the janitor.

Farnsworth: I’m sorry, “Scruffy”, but the Conference Room is for employees only.

Scruffy: But Scruffy is…

Bender: Get the hell out!

(Scruffy leaves dejectedly, and Hermes walks over to the crate.)

Fry: So, what’s in the box?

Hermes: For the love of Jah, can’t you read, man?!

Bender: I think it’s pretty obvious that he can’t.

Hermes: It says, “No Peeking”. What kind of bureaucrat would I be if I let you peek!?

Fry: Um…a bad one?

Bender: Hey, he got one!

Leela: Enough snappy one-liners, you two. Let’s get going.

(Leela gets up, followed by Fry and Bender. Hermes stops them.)

Hermes: Leela and Fry, you go ahead. Bender has to stay here and walk Dr. Zoidberg.

(Cut to Zoidberg. He is holding a leash and jumping around like a yippy dog)

Zoidberg: C’mon! We have to find that squirrel that stole my acorns yesterday!

(He runs out of the room. Bender slowly follows, his head “bent” down. The camera cuts back to Hermes, Leela, and Fry)

Hermes (to himself; shaking his head): Heh, heh, again with the acorns…

(He notices Fry and Leela staring at him awkwardly. Hermes coughs, and then recomposes himself.)

Hermes: Get outta here.

(Cut scene of the Planet Express Ship taking off from the hangar.)

(Cut to the ship’s interior. Fry and Leela are at their normal positions—Leela at the helm and Fry with his feet up on the console)

Fry: So, where’s this Planet Eternium… place?

Leela: I’m not sure, so I need full concentration. That’s why I’m going to distract you with a logical diversion. Here.

(She throws Fry a cymbal-crashing monkey toy—similar to the one seen in “Obsoletely Fabulous”. He catches it.)

Fry: Cool, a monkey! And he has a pair of cymbals…how cute.

(The sound of a clock ticking is heard.)

Fry(to Leela): Okay, I’m bored. Now what?

Leela: Fry!

Fry: Fine, fine. I’ll just sit here quietly, like a good little boy.

(Fry puts on a child-like sneer and turns his back to Leela. After a beat, he turns back to Leela, who is back to steering the ship. His expression changes to a soft smile. He leans back in his chair and pulls out a small photo from his inside coat pocket. It is a snapshot of Bender extending his arm out over a cliff. Fry and Leela are dangling in his fingers. The three are all smiling at the camera. Fry smiles, looking at the picture for a few beats. Just then, the ship comes to a sudden halt. Fry flings forward into the console. He recomposes himself, puts the picture back in his pocket, and gets up to see what’s going on.)

Fry(to Leela): What was that? Did we hit a deer… that can fly…and live in space?…without air?

Leela: What? No! There’s just some hold up.

(She points to a line of at least a hundred halted ships, all of them being held up by some unknown obstruction.)

Fry: Wow. I wonder what’s up?

(We pan to the first ship in the long line. It is a pick-up “truck”, with its trunk door unlatched. Behind the trunk, there is a group of chickens with space helmets on. Sal, in a space suit, is chasing them, trying to coax them back into the truck.)

Sal: Gets backs heres!

(We cut back to Fry and Leela in the Planet Express ship.)

Fry: (panicked) We’ll be stuck here forever! (to Leela; mellow) So, who’s gonna eat who first?

Leela: Don’t worry, Fry. I’ll get us out of this.

(She presses a button and the ship travels upwards, above all the others. The ship then speeds away into the darkness of space. We stay on the traffic jam. It just so happens that the ship behind where the PE ship once stood is the Nimbus. We cut to the interior.)

Zapp: Kif, how did they do that?

Kif: Well, sir, in the year 2197, scientists enabled ships to travel in three dimensions. In fact, we could easily…

Zapp: Enough with your technical mumbo-jumbo! Anyway, while we’re stuck in this very sexual predicament, why don’t you give me a sponge bath?

(Zapp starts taking his shirt off, as Kif sighs his same old sigh.)

(We cut back to Fry and Leela in the Planet Express ship. The two are back at their regular positions.)

Fry: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Leela: I told you, yes, dammit! That’s why I need your help unloading the crate! C’mon.

(Fry gets up and the two head for the unloading dock of the ship. We cut to the unloading dock. The crate is on the ground, about 5 feet from a hover dolly.)

Leela: Let’s get it on the hover-dolly.

Fry: Gotcha.

(Fry attempts to pick up one end of the crate. He can only lift it about 2 inches above the ground, and even then, he struggles. Leela grabs the other end, lifting it about 2 feet in the air with ease. The two carry it to the hover dolly. Right after it is placed on the dolly, an exhausted Fry collapses.)

Leela: Meh.

(She nonchalantly lifts him up, and places him on top of the crate. She then “wheels” the dolly out of the ship and out to the planet’s surface.)

Leela: Woah…

(We see the planet from Leela’s POV. It is beautiful, the same pinnacle of architectural excellence that was seen in both “The Day the Earth Stood Stupid” and “The Why of Fry”. Leela attempts to wake Fry up so he can behold the beauteous sight.)

Leela: (gently) Fry? Fry, wake up… Fry?

(Aggravated, Leela “accidentally” tilts the hover dolly, causing Fry to fall off the side with a loud thud. After a beat, he shakily gets up.)

Fry: What up?

(He looks up and sees the Nibblonians’ utopia.)

Fry: Neat.

(The two stand in awe for a moment.)

Leela: C’mon…let’s go.

(They head towards a large dome. After a few short seconds, they reach the door.)

Fry: How do you know that this is where we’re supposed to make the delivery?

(Leela points to a sign on the wall next to the door that reads, “This is Where You’re Supposed To Make The Delivery”.)

Fry: Ah.

(Leela reaches to press the doorbell. Fry gently takes her hand.)

Fry: Let me handle this…

(Fry presses the doorbell and quickly leaps behind a plant conveniently placed right next to the door. He snickers. The bell rings, and immediately afterwards, the ground unlatches and Leela falls into the abyss. Fry jumps out from behind the plant.)

Fry: Leela? Leel…ahhhhhh!

(He inadvertently takes a step and falls into the same abyss. We cut to black. We can hear Fry and Leela.)

Leela: Where are we? I can’t see a thing.

Fry: Hold on. I think I have some matches in my pocket.


Leela: That’s not your pocket…

(Beat, we hear the sound of someone striking a match, and then a small light illuminates the immediate area where Leela and Fry are.)

Fry: (sheepishly) Heh, heh…there we go.

Leela: Ugh. Let’s get going.

(They get up and start walking to screen right, Leela following Fry. After a few beats of the two walking, Fry trips over something (and, in effect, Leela  trips over Fry).)

Voice: Watch it!

(The sound of a switch being flicked on is heard, and—believe it or not—a light turns on. It illuminates an image of Leela on top of Fry (Um…yeah…I shamefully admit…in that position) with a cloaked figure, about a foot- and- a-half in height before them. Without noticing the figure, Leela gets off of Fry; both of them have an embarrassed/nervous smile on their faces. Leela helps Fry up, and the two of them brush themselves off. Then, they notice the figure.)

Fry/Leela: (gasp)

(The figure takes the hood of his cloak off. Under the hood, Nibbler is revealed.)

Leela: Nibbler?

(He nods.)

Fry: But…but…

(Nibbler motions for them to come with him. Fry and Leela look at each other for a moment, questioning whether or not they should follow, but in the end they do.)

(We cut to the conference room of sorts (the room with the row of chairs, each with a different cloaked Nibblonian seated). Nibbler, Fry, and Leela stand in the middle of the room, before all of the other Nibblonians. Two of the Nibblonians, a male named Ken and a female named Fiona, step forward and join Nibbler.)

Fiona(to Fry and Leela): Why don’t you two have a seat?

(She points to two small, pink chairs, suited for a Nibblonian, not a human.)

Leela: Um…we’re good.

(The two stay standing, in front of the Nibblonians.)

Nibbler: Good. I think we’re ready to begin.

All seated Nibblonians: We are the Nibblonians.

Nibbler: We are the Nibblonians.

All seated Nibblonians: Our species has been here since the dawn of time.

Nibbler: Our species has been here since the dawn of time.

All seated Nibblonians: These are…

Ken(to seated Nibblonians): Enough! (to Nibbler) As you were saying?…

Nibbler: These are the two heads of our society: Ken and Fiona (he motions to the two of them, respectively). I am Lord Nibbler.

Fry: Wait, wait, wait. Your real name is Nibbler?

Leela: That’s a very convenient coincidence.

Nibbler: (coughs, then nervously) Yes…coincidence. Heh, heh…

Fiona: I’m sure you’re all wondering why we’ve brought you here, so we’ll get to the point.

Ken: Since the universe began, we have been at constant war with…

(Dramatic music plays as a projection screen drops behind Ken, Fiona, and Nibbler. Ken clicks a button on a control he gets from his pocket. An image of the Brain Spawn appears on the screen.)

Ken(cont.): The Brain Spawn!

Fry: The brains! (to Leela) I told you about them, and you couldn’t remember…remember?

Leela: Wait a second…

Nibbler(interjecting): I’m sure this all must be very confusing for you.

Leela: Everything’s confusing for Fry!

(Nibbler jumps up to give Leela a high-five as the rest of the Nibblonians laugh in the background. Leela has a self-satisfied smile on her face and Fry looks dejected.)

Ken: (laughs; then wipes away a tear) Anyway, about two years ago, the Brain Spawn invaded Earth. (he turns to Leela) Leela, you have no memory of the invasion, because of the Brain’s stupifaction rays—they rendered you mindless for a period, and, after the Brains fled, they erased your memory of the event. Same goes for everyone else on Earth.

Fiona: (turns to Fry) Except for you, Fry.

Fry: But why? Is it because I poured that sour milk in my ears?

(Fry tilts his head to one side, and slow-moving sour milk pours from his ears, accompanied by the obvious sound effect.)

Nibbler: Fry, your memory wasn’t effected because you lack the Delta Brainwave. Normally, the Brains attack this wave, causing the loss of mind and memory.

Leela: Wait, how can Fry not have the Delta Brainwave?

Ken: Do you remember when you accidentally traveled back in time and Fry inadvertently…um…did the horizontal swing with his own grandmother?

Fry: The what-now?

Ken(cont.): Because of Fry’s actions in the past, he became his own grandfather, causing genetic abnormalities—including the lack of the brainwave.

Fry: And this.

(Fry stuffs his fist into his mouth. With his other hand, he lifts up his shirt, revealing his bellybutton. His hand reappears, waving to the Nibblonians, out of his navel. After a beat, he quickly pulls his hand back through his navel and out his mouth.)

Leela: Okay. So, what does this have to do with me?

(Ken, Nibbler, and Fiona exchange nervous looks. Then, after a small collective sigh, they turn to Fry and Leela. Ken hits a button on the control, and a still image of Fry in the cryogenic tube appears.)

Ken: Fry, do you recall how you came to the future?

Fry: Of course. I fell into that freezer-mabob and stayed there for 1000 years—until the year 3000.

Fiona: Correct. And, do you remember how you fell into the tube in the first place?

Fry: I leaned back on my chair and it accidentally tipped over and knocked me into the tube. Right?

Nibbler: (nervous) Not quite…

Fry: Damn. Well, at least I’m 1 for 2, anyway.

Leela: Wait, wait. What do you mean, “Not quite…”?

Nibbler: (sighs) Fry, you didn’t end up in the future through coincidence.

(Ken hits the button on the control and an image of Fry leaning back in his chair is seen. A clock behind him slowly counts down from 10.)

Nibbler: Back in the year 2000, our sages foresaw that, 1000 years hence, the Brain Spawn would formulate multiple attacks on the universe. You were our only hope to save the people of the year 3000. I…I pushed you into the tube.

(The clock in the background of the projection screen reaches 0. Then, the camera cuts to the image seen in “Jurassic Bark”—Fry and Nibbler’s shadows. We see Fry knocking himself into the tube. Ken pauses the image there.)

Fry: Wait, that’s not you…that’s that guy…I play him. (sudden realization) Me! How did I push me into the tube?

Leela: And what does this have to do with me?

Ken: Watch.

(Ken goes back several minutes in the tape—a task that takes about 5 seconds. He plays the tape. It is the section from the episode “The Why of Fry” where Fry has just rematerialized to prevent Nibbler from freezing him. It is transcribed below.)

(Behind Nibbler, in the corner of the desk, Fry appears and grabs him.)

Fry: Hold up. How did I go back in time?

(Ken pauses the tape.)
Nibbler: Fry, for a thousand years the Brain Spawn were busy collecting all of the information in the universe, planning on using it to destroy the universe. We enlisted your help, and, after discovering that it was I who had froze you, you went back in time to prevent it—with the help of the Brains.

Fry: Why can’t I remember any of that, then?

Nibbler: After saving the universe, I blanked your memory to prevent my true identity from being exposed.

Fry: Ah. Wait, what?

(Ken resumes the tape.(NOTE: Everything below in brackets transpires on the screen and is taken straight from “The Why of Fry”))

[Fry: Gotcha!

(Nibbler squeals.)

Nibbler: I don't understand.

Fry: Yes you do! You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. Now I came back in time to stop you.

Nibbler: I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

Fry: But, I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop.

Nibbler: Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Fry: Not if you don't freeze me.

(Past Fry sits down on the chair and puts his feet up on the desk.)

Nibbler: Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, at one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long I must freeze you now.

Fry: Well, why couldn't you just ask me?

Nibbler: We were afraid you would refuse.

Fry: Of course not, I love the future.

Nibbler (choking): Then why are you choking me right now?

Fry: Because I don't like being used.

Nibbler: Well now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving?

Fry: Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

Nibbler: Ah, she must be the other.

Fry: Wha?

(Past Fry's chair starts to tumble back. Future Fry holds the leg.)

Nibbler: You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Vergon 6. But if you return to the future I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

(Outside, the countdown to New Year begins.)

Fry: You really think I would have had a chance with Leela?

Nibbler: You must choose. The present or the future? To save yourself? Or to save Leela?

(The countdown reaches 1. Past Fry leans back on his chair and blows his party blower. Future Fry blows the chair and Past Fry tumbles back into the cryotube. He freezes.)]

(Ken presses a button on the control and the projection screen rolls up, off-screen. He puts the control in his pocket.)

Leela(softly; to Fry): You gave up your old life…for me?

(Fry nods. The two just look at each other for a moment…we know that something special is happening between them at that moment. But, before we can find out what, Ken interjects. Fry and Leela turn to him.)

Ken: So, that’s what happened.

Leela: Wait a second. What was that you said…about me being “the other”?

Fiona: 1000 years ago, our sages also foresaw that, in the future, the fate of the universe would depend on two. Fry…and you.

(Fry and Leela exchange confused looks.)

Ken: And, finally, that leads us to why we brought you here. The time is near. Soon, the Brain Spawn will once again unleash an attack on the universe. You two are our only hope.

Nibbler: But, that’s a whole other story. Tomorrow, we will prepare you for your mission. Now, it is getting late. You two should be getting to bed. (He claps his hands.) Guards!

(Two armored Nibblonians come forward. They take Leela and Fry out of the room, down a corridor, and to a door. They open it for them.)

Guard: There’s only one bed, so you two will have to share.

(Fry and Leela exchange looks, and then they shut the door. The guards leave. We cut back to Nibbler and Ken.)

Nibbler: Do you think they’ll fulfill the prophecies?

(The sound of bedsprings squeaking frantically is heard in the background. Ken and Nibbler exchange sly smiles.)

Ken: I don’t think we have anything to worry about.

(We cut to outside Fry and Leela’s door. The sound of bedspring squeaking is still heard as the following dialogue is heard.)

Leela: Fry, this can’t be right. I mean, I know we both have urges, and we need to satisfy them, but we have to try and contain ourselves.

(We cut to inside the room. Fry is jumping up and down on the bed, as Leela looks on from the floor.)

Leela: So that’s why I’m telling you to get off the bed, now!

Fry: Ah, c’mon. It’s fun!

(Leela contemplates it for a moment. She looks up at Fry and sees him looking at her with a “puppy-dog” expression. She shrugs.)

Leela: Eh, what the hell?

(She climbs up on to the bed and joins Fry. The bedspring squeaking resumes.)

(The scene changes to a large, round table, the next day. A large group of Nibblonians are seated. From left to right: Ken, Nibbler, and Fiona are at the head, seated on chairs that are slightly more elevated than the rest. Just then, Fry and Leela walk in, still in their PJs, and with the disheveled appearance of two people who just woke up from a restless night’s sleep.)

Ken: It was noisy last night. Did you two…have fun?

(Fry and Leela look at each other, slyly)

Fry/Leela: …Yes.

(The two smile, and the Nibblonians share sly looks and grins.)

Nibbler: Why don’t you two have a seat?

(Fry takes an empty seat to the left of Ken, and Leela takes one to the right of Fiona.)

Ken: Anyway, before we get started with the task at hand, we must have a hearty breakfast…by which I mean that we’ll be eating space cow hearts.

(The table flips over to its backside. On this side of the table, there are hundreds of plates (one for each patron of the table) with large hearts on them.)

Fry: (to Ken) How’d you do that?

(All of the Nibblonians swallow their hearts in one bite. Fry and Leela, however, just sit there with disgusted looks on their faces.)

Fiona: Aren’t you going to eat?

Leela: Um…we had a big dinner.

Ken: Very well. We’ll just throw it out.

(He claps his hands. An oafish, hunched Nibblonian limps over. He is drooling and has a look of complete stupidity over his face.)

Ken: Here, Igor.

(He takes Fry and Leela’s plates and pours the contents into Igor’s mouth. His tongue grinds up the hearts like a garbage disposal (accompanied by the coinciding sound effect), and he swallows the ground up pieces. (A bit disgusting, yes, but I digress…) He then limps off-screen.)

Nibbler: Very good. Now, to the “Plan Formulating” Room.

(The table flips over again, and the other, clean side of the table is now visible. The Nibblonians and Leela exit the room, but Fry lingers.)

Fry: How did they do that?…

(He sticks his head under the table, and we hear a splatter.)

Fry: Eww…


And my new part...


(We cut to the “Plan Formulating” Room. It is a large room, and rater indistinguishable from the Conference Room. Again, all the Nibblonians but Fiona, Nibbler, and Ken are seated in the darkness. Fry and Leela are again sitting on the floor before them.)

Ken: So, Fry and Leela, I guess you two want to know more about why we brought you here.

Fry: We do?

Ken (cont.): So, I’ll let Lord Nibbler continue.

Nibbler: Thank you. (he clears his throat) Now, as you recall, last night, we talked to you about our archenemies, the (air quotes) “Brain Spawn”. Before we go any further, we’d like to show you an educational…

Fry: Aww…

Nibbler (cont.): …video about these (air quotes) “Brain Spawn”.

Fry: (air quotes) “Okay.”

Leela: Fry, (air quotes) “Stop that!” Er…I mean, stop that!

(She hits him in the back of the head, as the lights dim. A screen comes down from the ceiling. We see alien numbers counting down from 10. When the count reaches zero, we close in on the screen.)

(The film’s title, “Brains Attacks!” is superimposed on the screen, along with the copyright information, “A Nibblomania! Production. Copyright 2967”. After a beat of dramatic music accompanying it, the title fades.)

(A Nibblonian enters from stage left. He has a somewhat hippie-ish (yes, I made that word up) beard, a peace necklace, and a brown corduroy jacket. He stops in the middle of the screen.)

Nibblonian: (he clears his throat) Oh, hello there. I’m…(he turns to his left, and suddenly breaks character) um, is this thing on? It is? You sure? Okay. (He clears his throat, yet again) A-heh, anyway…as I was saying, I’m your Lord Nibbler.

(At this point, we cut to Fry and Leela, who are staring at the screen, both amused and shocked.)

Fry: That’s Nibbler!?

(Fry and Leela share a rather hearty laugh at Nibbler’s expense.)

Nibbler: (somewhat offended) It was a very confusing time, alright!

Leela: Well, you’d have to be confused to wear that jacket!

Nibbler: (harshly) Silence! (small pause; apologetically) I mean, please…my liege.

Leela: Liege?

(Nibbler just coughs, realizing his slip-up, and points to the screen. With a bit of hesitation, Leela and Fry turn back to the screen. Again, we close in. Conveniently enough, the video seems not to have progressed a moment since we last saw it, despite the fact that a conversation has just transpired in real time.)

Nibbler (cont.): I’m here today to talk to you about our archrivals (dramatic background music plays as we close in on Nibbler)…The Brain Spawn!

(On-screen, the shot changes to a rather low-budget animated sequence. It starts with a poorly drawn brain floating around and whistling innocently.)

Nibbler (v.o.): Aw…look at that cute little levitating mass of nerves and slimy veins we call the brain. Innocent enough, right? (dramatic sting) Wrong!

(The animated shot cuts to another, with a brain leaning up against a pole on a street corner, again whistling.)

Nibbler (v.o.): These flying menaces terrorize our streets…

(Just then, an innocent Nibblonian pedestrian walks by the brain, and, somehow, the brain manages to trip the pedestrian when he crosses its path.)

(The second scene changes to a third, with the same brain hiding behind a bush.)

Nibbler (v.o; cont.): They frighten our children…

(As an innocent Nibblonian child passes by the bush, the brain pops out, wearing an ape mask. The child runs away screaming.)

(This scene changes to another, of a brain on someone’s porch, by the front door.)

Nibbler (v.o.; cont.): And they taunt our elders!

(The brain rings the doorbell, and then quickly hides in a nearby bush. Just then, an elderly Nibblonian woman answers the door, looking to both sides of her.)

Nibblonian Woman: Hello? Hello?…

(The scene cuts back to Nibbler.)

Nibbler: But, these evil creatures have one more, much more serious way of overpowering us Nibblonians. You see, these brains emit powerful (yet another sting) Stupifaction Rays! These rays attack our mental capacity, making us lose our memories and intelligence. Observe.

(The scene changes to another poorly animated one, this time of a brain and of a Nibblonian standing side by side. The brain, facing the Nibblonian, zaps him with a bluish ray. An arrow, labeled “STUPIFACTION RAY” points to the beam. After a beat or two, the ray disappears as suddenly as it appeared. The Nibblonian is left with a dazed and confused look on its face.)

Nibbler (v.o.): After being attacked by these Stupifaction rays, there’s no telling what the victim may do.

(The animated Nibblonian begins to walk to stage right, and the camera passes by him. The Nibblonian stops at a sign, oddly resembling the Enron logo, which reads “Boron”. He walks into the tall building behind the sign. We stay on the exterior shot.)

Nibblonian: (Sly Stallone-ish) Duh…I’d like to buy a thousand jillion shares, please.

Voice: Certainly, sir.

(The sound of a cash register is heard.)

Nibblonian: Duh…thanks, mam.


(The building suddenly comes crashing down; all of the money contained therein plummeting to Earth.)

Nibblonian: Piiiiiiieeeee! Um…I mean, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(We cut back to Nibbler, obviously distressed, with his face in his hands.)

Nibbler: Oh, the humanity! (Beat, as he recomposes himself) Ahem. Anyway, as you can see, these brains are a threat to our race and every other in the universe. That is, for now. (dramatic music plays) (Nibbler yells to someone off-screen) Would you stop that! (he turns back, and clears his throat sheepishly) Anyway, we Nibblonians have taken extra precautions to ensure the safety of this, and every other, universe.

(The scene changes to a grainy black-and-white video of Fry. In the lower right hand corner of the screen, “March 6, 1996” is superimposed, along with, “Test Subject: Z ½”. Fry is wearing a weird metal helmet with a bunch of flickering lights on it. He has a pen in his hand, and is using it to navigate a wooden maze. He takes a wrong turn, and in turn receives a shock, via the helmet. Meanwhile, a mouse in a box labeled “Raoulgernon” is navigating the same maze with ease.)

(We cut back to Fry and the others.)

Fry: Hey, I did that in confidence!

(We cut back to the image on screen, as Nibbler narrates.)

Nibbler (v.o.): This man, Philip J. Fry, lacks the Delta Brainwave, making him immune to an attack by the brains.

(The image changes to that of Fry falling into the cryogenic tube.)

Nibbler (v.o.): To ensure that he, our messiah, would live to save us from the Brain Spawn, our supreme leaders decided to cryogenically freeze this Phillip J. Fry for one thousand years—until the year 3000.

(The scene cuts back to Nibbler.)

Nibbler: Until then…(yet another dramatic music cue)…we are left to fend for ourselves. (the music suddenly stops) Goodnight.

(Nibbler turns around and walks off of the screen.)


(Nibbler’s head pops back onto the frame.)

Nibbler: Cut.

(The screen goes black, and then rolls back up to the ceiling. The lights automatically turn back on.)


Well, there it is...all 5,328 words. Again, questions, comments, and more are always welcome...and much needed, of course.

Urban Legend
« Reply #131 on: 11-13-2004 13:50 »

Nice video, and good to see you back in what I always considered the more entertaining of your fics.  I also think that's probably the longest post I've ever seen.

As if serious Nibbler wasn't hilarious enough, now you've given us hipster spokesperson Nibbler.  Pretty damn amusing.  I also like the interplay between Fry and Leela throughout - you capture the siblingish aspects of their relationship (not to say they act exactly like brother and sister; that'd end up being pretty gross) quite well.

I look forward to seeing what the actual plot is sometime in the near future...until then, good exposisiton all aroung.


Bending Unit
« Reply #132 on: 11-13-2004 14:47 »

What? Me inspiring you? Looks we all just keep inspiring each other. I should have starting writing ages ago. First a mini-update from Venus, then this lovely movie script! Now we just have to gang up on JBERGES... Rock on!!

This is great, Gorky. Loved the video, and the whole jumping on the bed scene still cracks me up. Fry is so sweetly dumb in this, I just love it. The whole stupefaction ray thing was pricless and a little jab at Enron to boot! Whee!


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #133 on: 11-14-2004 12:24 »

Another update coming soon, but for now, because I'm pretty bored, writers'-block inflicted, and tired, I'll just give you guys some neat-o individual responses.

Nerd-o-rama: Thanks. I've always felt that this was probably the strongest fic I've written so far, too--probably because I set some ground rules and had plenty of gags thought out before-hand. Nice to see that you think so as well. Also, I think I get what you mean when you say that Fry and Leela sort of have a siblingish aspect of their relationship--good to see that I capture whatever that is. Oh yeah, and the Raoulgernon thing--just an homage to one of my favorite books that I've been trying to work into one of my fics for a while.

Layla: What can I say? Of course you're an inspiration, in more than one respect (dramatically, your work helps me out a lot, because I'm one of those people that very rarely enjoys too much sap/drama...not to say that you overuse it) (because you don't). Nice to see your feedback on the movie script for the first time; and even better to know that you like it. Oh, and we really ought to gang up on good ol' JBERGES.

Rock on, indeed...

Urban Legend
« Reply #134 on: 11-14-2004 23:35 »

Now we just have to gang up on JBERGES... Rock on!!
Oh, and we really ought to gang up on good ol' JBERGES
Venus, Gorky, and Layla ganging up on me? There aren't enough  :flirt:'s in the world to express my response properly. 

Here's the deal, my next part is [air quotes] “written”, per se, but it's just not [air quotes] “funny”, or at least not up to my standards.  Granted, said section is supposed to be a bit more serious, but I refuse to post it until I deem it laughable.

But enough about me.  Gorky, I can say that the Nibblonian video is one of the funniest things you've written yet.  The brains tripping people and playing doorbell ditch, the Nibblonian accidentally shouting 'Pie!'; great stuff.  Until I figure something out, I’ll at least be able to enjoy the other writers’ work, and then maybe I'll be inspired by one of you.  Keep up the good work.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #135 on: 01-06-2005 09:43 »


Hey, everyone. I'm back (*shrieks of pain from everyone*), and more sub-par than ever! Happy New Year, peace on Earth and such. Anyway, I know I haven't been around lately, but here I am, with a new part of my fic to post (short, strange, and trampling on the point).

By the way, thanks for the comments JBERGES! Also, to Layla, I'm reading the parts of your fic I missed, from part 27 on, and I want you to know that, so far, it's continuously great. Once I get caught up, I'll comment in your thread like a normal person.

And as for you, N-o-R, thanks for, um...whatever it is you do.  :p (Seriously, though, your comments really help me out...)

Anyway, here's the latest part of the fic that I have a title for, but don't want to reveal at the risk of giving away some of the story (again, if anyone can guess the parody I'll...well, I'll think of something...)


(Cut to inside the Planet Express Building- -Hermes’s office. He is sitting at his desk, happily stamping a document repeatedly. As he does this, he sings a “melodic” little tune to himself.)

Hermes: (singing to the tune of…well, you guess) Ya requisition dis, ya invalidate dat. You do somet’in else, and den you do de stampy dance. Ya put it on a pile, dat ya gotta rearrange. Dat’s how we instigate change!

(Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Hermes gets up from his work to go answer it.)

Hermes: Who could dat be at dis hour?

(Cut to the doorbell outside Planet Express. We see Bender’s finger repeatedly pressing the doorbell, accompanied by the annoying PE ring. He does this rapidly for a few beats. We hear Leela from off-screen.)

Leela (o.s.): Um, Bender?

Bender (o.s.): Yeah?

(We pull out to reveal Fry, Eve, and Leela staring impatiently at Bender.)

Bender: What?

(We pull out further to reveal Hermes standing at the half-open door, also staring at Bender impatiently.)

Leela: Hermes is here.

Bender: I knew that…

(Beat, as a moment of awkward silence passes between everyone except for Hermes, who is agitated.)

Hermes: (facing Eve) For the love of Jah, Leela! What’s goin’ on here?

Leela: Hermes, I’m over here.

(She waves at Hermes, who at this point has a confused look on his face. He refocuses his stare at Leela.)

Leela: Hermes, this is Eve. She a mutant.

(Hermes’s jaw drops. He reaches off-screen and grabs a Styrofoam cup. He takes a swig from it, and proceeds to do a spit-take. The only problem is that, when he tries, no liquid comes out.)

Leela: Um, Hermes, I think the cup needs water in it for that to work.

Hermes: Right.

(He reaches his hand off-screen again, and we can hear the sound of a water cooler bubbling. He pulls his hand back, takes a swig from the cup again, and performs the take successfully, spitting water right in Fry’s face.)

Leela: Perfect.

(The screen dissolves to a while later, with Leela and Eve still explaining their story to Hermes as they stand outside the half-opened door. Fry and Bender are asleep.)

Leela: …And that’s what happened.

Hermes: Oh…makes perfect sense.

Leela: Good, because we have to go explain it to the others.

(As if on cue, Hermes opens the door up completely, revealing the rest of the Planet Express crew, sitting in a room with a couch, and a TV that usually isn’t there, but for all intents and purposes, let’s pretend it is.)

Amy: We heard.

Leela: Oh…good.


As always, comments, criticisms, and cash are always welcome.


Bending Unit
« Reply #136 on: 01-06-2005 11:31 »
« Last Edit on: 01-06-2005 11:31 »

Originally posted by Gorky:

Hey, everyone. I'm back (*shrieks of pain from everyone*),

Gorky, you spelled pain wrong, it's supposed to be P-U-R-E,

And having read your delicious, laugh out loud update, may I just say Huh-Zah.

Huzzah!! So glad you're back. Bergey was trying to pressure me. (glares at him)

Loved the spit take! It's so hard to come up with an original one and yet, you did!
And Leela's perfect... ah, that eases the pain.

Hermes tune... I can so see him doing that. Instigate change! I laughed so hard I think I hurt myself! Awesome!

And the exposition skipping, classic! Thanks, sweetie!


Urban Legend
« Reply #137 on: 01-06-2005 13:49 »

Weeeeeee! I also loved the Hermes song and the spit-take and the exposition skip. (Also loved that after the dissolve Bender and Fry were asleep. Nice touch!)

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #138 on: 01-06-2005 21:13 »

Yay, people enjoyed my incessant ramblings! And not just people, but people who are great fellow writers! Before I get to all the responding and such, I have to thank the two of you, Layla and Venus, for your great fics. They're really a lot of help for me when I can't think of anything to write...I just read your stuff, copy and paste it, and then rearrange a few random words. (Um, disregard that last part for legal reasons...)

Anyway, because I hardly have enough shredded bits that resemble a life to start  actually assembling one, I'll respond to both of you individually as I try to churn out the next part of my fic (look for it tomorrow, hopefully...I have some other "more important" (*sneers at any professor or teacher who tries to control her*) things to do first). Now, on to the responding to people...

Layla: You don't spell "pain" "pure unadulterated joy"! That's...oh, wait, I get it! That's really incredibly sweet of you to say that, though, seriously. I would have settled for "mildly amusing diversion of time", to be honest. Anyway, nice to see that you liked the song (I kind of thought it might be too stupid to actually put in, but I guess I made the right choice), and the spit-take (I was just going for something that I was 88.6% sure hadn't been used before). As for the exposition skip, that was necessary...I mean, I already had to explain the situation to Munda and Morris, and I wasn't ready to explain in to Hermes, followed by the rest of the PE crew (I guess you could call me a cheater in that respect). And did you really think Leela was perfect? For me, she's the one character who's really hard to write, because it's hard to tell where she's coming from (moreso in a shippy fic, but even in what is more or less a farce, her characterization is hard to peg). Nice to know you liked it though (and you're one to talk...you're Leela stuff is so much better than mine), and keep it up with your awesome fic! (Don't consider that to be "pressuring you", because I can only imagine what you would do to Bergey if you ever got your hands on him...)

Venus: Nice to see you back here, and I'm so glad that you like my stuff. Again, I'm really surprised that the Hermes song worked, especially because I was so worried about it (same goes for the spit-take). As for the exposition skip, like I said to Layla, it was just necessary. Oh yeah, and Fry and Bender sleeping just seemed necessary as well. Anyway, thanks again and keep up the great work on your fic. Sure, it's nowhere near done, but I respect the fact that you even took on such a project in the first place (and, speaking as someone who isn't the best at writing drama, I really admire how great you are with the ship, as well). Thanks again, again.

Urban Legend
« Reply #139 on: 01-06-2005 21:24 »

Aw... if I noticed this quicker I could've gotten a long reply.  Oh well.  It's nice to have you back, Gorky. I find it odd that you make your return just after I mention you disappearing, though.

It's a nice break from Layla's serious epic to have some of your jovial ramblings to read, so keep at it!  I like what you've written, though it was short, so the lovely ladies before me covered just about everything.  I'll beat them to it next time, maybe.

PS:  Spit-takes without liquid?  I invented that!  No one else did it before me and no one else can use it! :D

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #140 on: 01-06-2005 22:10 »

Long, Especially...um...Special Reply for JBERGES

Hey, JBERGES, it's always great for me to get to ramble on and on in a jovial manner, and even better to know that you like it. I'm assuming that you, too, liked the song and skipping of the exposition. Speaking of the whole exposition thing, I guess I'll talk some more about it to make your customized reply longer without having to resort to cheap filler. Exposition is one of the things that I fear having to write, because it slows the pace and the laughs, usually. I think that, to make exposition funny, you need the help of other, much more talented writers. It's a difficult undertaking for one so-called "writer" sitting at her computer and listening to rock while simultaneously writing a long-winded analysis of "Catch-22" for some stupid assignment to write funny exposition for her fanfic at the same time. That's why a show like Futurama or The Simpsons can do exposition successfully (there's so much rewriting in the Room that every line is sure to be great), but I really can't. And, that's why I skipped exposition all together. But enough about me, this is supposed to be your chance to get your ego inflated by some person who really admires your work. That's right, I really admire your hilarious and smart fics, as much as I do Layla's or Venus's. It's something I look to and aspire to achieve...seriously. Keep up all the incredible work, man.

But enough of my oh-so-nice flattery, for I feel the need to say something...

PS: Spit-takes without liquid? I invented that! No one else did it before me and no one else can use it!  :D

Damn you with your "I did it first"s and "I'll call my lawyer"s!  ;)


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #141 on: 01-08-2005 22:33 »

Well, I was off with my prediction by a day, but oh well. I have a fairly long part for you guys this time. Now, I have some things to say when this part is done with, but for now I think I should say that this may be the most uneven part of my fic that I've written so far. It has some so-so jokes which I hope you'll enjoy, but there's a moment towards the end that I think may seem either contrived or completely pointless. But trust me, if my attempts at subtlety are at least 17.2% successful, the pointless part towards the end will contribute to the story in the grand scheme of things.

But, enough of my ramblings...there'll be time for that later!


(As if on cue, Hermes opens the door up completely, revealing the rest of the Planet Express crew, sitting in a room with a couch, and a TV that usually isn’t there, but for all intents and purposes, let’s pretend it is.)

Amy: We heard.

Leela: Oh…good. (beat) Hey, I’ve never noticed this room before…

Hermes: (nervously) Um, Leela’s right…we better go talk about this in the Conference Room.

Leela: Um…okay, then. (to Fry and Bender) C’mon, guys.

(Fry and Bender don’t respond. Leela rolls her eye, but shrugs it off, walking inside the PE building with Eve. Cutting inside the “Mystery Room” (which will now be called the “Plot Accommodating Room”), we see Leela, Eve, Farnsworth, Zoidberg and Amy walk out of the room. Hermes stays by the door for a minute, with a far-away look on his face.)

Hermes: (monotone) Note to self: the purple woman knows too much.

(Cut back outside, to the sleeping Fry and Bender. Bender stirs, opening his visor up halfway. His eye widens, he gasps a little, and his visor lifts completely. He frantically turns his head from side to side, scanning his surroundings.)

Bender: (utter disbelief) Oh. No. God.

(Fry stirs and sees Bender, who has a shocked look on his face.)

Fry: (lazily) What’s wrong, Bender?

Bender: Everyone’s gone!

(Fry wakes up completely, with a jolt.)

Fry: What do you mean?

Bender: Well, isn’t it obvious? While we were innocently sleeping, all of robo-kind and our carefree pets (Bender points to Fry) were wiped out by some unknown force! We’re the only one’s left!

Fry: No!

Bender: Yes!

(Bender stands up to emphasize his point, staring purposefully at nobody. Fry stands up as well.)

Bender (cont.): I think we know now what we must do!

Fry: Nope.

Bender: Isn’t it obvious?

Fry: Nope.

Bender: We need to appoint a new leader! Any suggestions?

Fry: Well…

Bender: Bender it is!

Fry: Hooray!

Bender: And for my first action as Earth’s almighty dictator, I call for the recolonization of the planet! (aside to Fry) How exactly do you skintubes recolonize, again?

(Fry whispers something in Bender’s nonexistent ear. Bender looks disgusted.)

Bender: Eww! (nonchalantly) Ah, screw it. Let’s go watch TV.

(The two of them enter the Planet Express Building.) 

(Cut to the Conference Room. Amy and Zoidberg are playing cards, while Farnsworth sleeps to their side. Hermes, Leela, and Eve are sitting at the head of the table, disheveled, over a few scattered piles of paper. They are obviously debating over something.)

Leela: C’mon, Hermes, Eve needs a job!

Hermes: I’m sorry, Leela, but there’s just no room in the budget to pay another employee!  Look!

(Hermes hands Leela a paper, and she looks it over.)

Leela: Hmm…

Hermes: See?!

Leela: Wait…what if you changed Fry’s occupation from “Delivery boy” to “Company toaster”? His salary could go to Eve!

(She points to the paper, and Hermes looks to where her finger is pointing. Beat, as he looks it over.)

Hermes: (gasps) It’s perfect! Eve, welcome to Planet Express! (he shakes her hand) Just remember our mission statement: (he looks at a piece of paper, reading from it) “Insert mission statement here”.

Leela: Whatever. Look, Eve, since you don’t have anywhere to sleep tonight, you can stay with me until you find your own place.

Eve: Great!

Leela: Great! Let’s go, then.

Eve: Sure. Just let me say goodnight to Fry and Bender first.

(Cut to the Lounge. Fry and Bender are sitting on the couch, watching TV with dazed looks on their faces. “All My Circuits” is on. We cut to the screen to see the “action”.)

(And just where is the action taking place? Why, a large, crowded banquet hall, of course! An old, distinguished-looking robot is standing at a podium on a stage, where Calculon (dressed formally—by which I mean he’s wearing a black bow tie) is sitting behind him.)

Distinguished-Looking Robot: We are all gathered here on this fine evening to acknowledge Quadruple-Ph.D. Calculon for his daring work in the medical field with this very shiny plaque. (he holds up the plaque) Come on up, Calculon!

(Calculon goes up to the podium and accepts his plaque. Everyone applauds.)

Distinguished-Looking Robot: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Calculon!

(Everyone applauds again. The robot sits down, giving the podium to Calculon.)

Calculon: Ladies and Gentlemen, you have no idea how much this very shiny award means to me…probably because you’ve never won one for yourselves. (demeanor changing to distraught) But, I can’t accept it. For you see, I’m not a Quadruple-Ph.D. (dramatic pause) I’m only a mere Triple-Ph.D.!

(Everyone gasps. Just at this pivotal moment, the screen is obscured by two pairs of legs.)

Bender (o.s.): Hey, down in front!

(Cut to reveal Leela and Eve standing in front of the TV.)

Leela: See you, guys. We’re going home.

Fry: Who’s “we’re”? (excited) Is it you and me?

Leela: Fry, what the hell is wrong with you?

Fry: What? It was worth a try, right?

Leela: To reiterate: Fry, what the hell is wrong with you?

Fry: Oh…lots of things. (seductively) Maybe we can discuss them over a dinner…

(Beat, as Leela and Bender glare at Fry.)

Fry: What?

Leela: Bender, would you do the honors?

Bender: Certainly. (angrily) Fry, what the hell is wrong with you?! (He slaps Fry in the back of the head)

Fry: Ow! (he rubs the back of his head)

(Eve is slack-jawed at this spectacle. Leela, apparently noticing the awkwardness of it all, bids farewell.)

Leela: Okay, um, we’re gonna leave now. C’mon, Eve.

Eve: Um…bye.

(Leela and Eve leave. We cut to outside of the Planet Express Building, where it’s dark out. Leela and Eve are walking, when Eve strikes up a bit of a conversation.)

Eve: What was that all about?

Leela: What, Fry? He has sort of a thing for me, I guess.

Eve: Oh…(beat) Well, do you?

Leela: Do I what? …Me and Fry? C’mon! He’s just a friend. (beat) A cute friend. (beat) A cute friend with…(seeing what she is doing, Leela stops herself)

Eve: (curiously) “With”?

Leela: (nervously) Um, with…no common sense whatsoever! I mean, c’mon, me and Fry? Give me a break. (she coughs nervously)

(A moment of silence passes between the two of them. Eve breaks it.)

Eve: It must be nice…to have someone care about you like that…

Leela: Yeah…it is.

(Leela gives a weak smile, somewhat surprised by her own answer. They pass the rest of their walk home (a journey which takes about five more seconds) in silence. When they finally make it to the front door of the apartment building, Leela breaks the silence.)

Leela: Well, this is it.

(Cut to the door to apartment 1I. Leela opens the door and she and Eve enter the apartment room.)

Leela: Here it is…Casa de Leela.

Eve: Yeah. (beat) Wait, what?

Leela: Um, never mind. (beat) Make yourself at home. I’ll go get you some clean clothes.

(She leads Eve to a couch next to a beside table. Eve sits, and Leela walks off-screen, apparently to her bedroom. Eve turns her head to both sides, checking out her surroundings. Her eye wanders over to the beside table—well, actually, her eye wanders over to the photo of Leela and her family (with Fry in the background, smiling). Eve picks the picture up and looks it over. She smiles, admiring the picture for a moment. She’s caught off-guard when Leela walks back in, carrying two different nightgowns (let your minds wander, guys). Eve quickly puts the picture back right before Leela reaches her.)

Leela: Okay, Eve, the choice is yours. Skimpy lingerie (she lifts up one gown) or skimpier lingerie? (She lifts up the other gown)

Eve: Thanks…

(Eve picks the second, skimpier gown.)

Leela: No problem. You can go get changed…my bedroom’s over there.

Eve: Oh…okay.

(Eve leaves for the bedroom. Leela sits down on the couch.)

Leela: (she looks at the less-revealing gown she’s left with) Nice choice, Eve.   


Okay, first of all, I know, I know, the ship kind of worked its way in there. Yes, it's pretty uncalled for to have Fry basically asking Leela out out of the blue, and the talk with Leela and Eve is pretty shipper-serving, to say the least. But, in my defense, I have to set up Fry and Leela for the purpose of the story (which isn't purposely shippy, if that's what it seems like at this point).

Well, enough of me deconstructing my own work--it's your turn, guys. I'm really not to confident about this part, so criticisms and comments are definitely welcome.   


Bending Unit
« Reply #142 on: 01-08-2005 23:17 »
« Last Edit on: 01-08-2005 23:17 »

Where to begin, where to begin. So first I laughed, and then I laughed some more, and then I hit the totally unexpected shippy bliss, and after that, it all starts to blurr. (Hey, don't blame me! It's hard to read when you melted into a puddle of goo.) It's been awhile since I've read any shippy that I didn't write, and it hit me like a ton of bricks of pure, sweet happiness.

You know, I may be alone here (in fact I'm fairly sure I am... except for Venus) but I don't think shippyness is a crime. It just, makes me happy... sorry, drifted off again.

You write Fry and Bender so, so well here. I could just see and hear them and it cracked me up. It's the end of the world as we know it, and they feel fine! (recolonization!) And what do you mean it being uncalled for to have Fry asking her out out of nowhere?! That's what he does, all the time! Like Zapp almost, with his black book, (as many as you can, as often as you can). Really, my dear, you're far too hard on yourself.

The Calculon moment was a scream (oops, plot bunny for my own fic just hit me like a ton of bricks, these ones are more hilarious.)

Leela and lingerie= so much fun, and also very in character I think. Let's see, what else... uh company toaster! Yay! That's funny! (I wonder what that makes Bender...) If Bergey were here, I'm sure there'd be a word play with the dual meaning of toaster.

Enough of my semi-coherant babbling (I was writing when I took a break to read this, and that makes me slightly more crazy than usual.).
Gorky, I loved it, I really do admire all you humour people. Humour is hard, and you guys do it so well.  (You, Bergey... Tongue luck, Venus, when she strays to humour, that John Panozzi guy, well, maybe not that last one...)

Anyhoo! You rock!! More, please?

Edit: Whoops, went back to read the shippy and remembered something else. I love Fry's line: "Oh, lots of things. Perhaps you and I could discuss them over dinner." I love it because it reminds me of Leela's line "Oh, lot's of reasons", in Insane in the Mainframe and then Fry's line "perhaps you and it can get better acquainted over dinner." in TKOS. That's just nice for me.

Urban Legend
« Reply #143 on: 01-08-2005 23:41 »

Yay shippy! In case you weren't aware, Me Likey The Shippy.

And i loved most of the stuff layla pointed out. The 'we're all that's left on earth bit' followed by the 'how do you recolonize' bit, the calculon scene was dead on. I can't think of anything that seemed forced or contrite to me.

Urban Legend
« Reply #144 on: 01-09-2005 01:27 »
« Last Edit on: 01-09-2005 01:27 »

Beaten by those two again, so what is there to say? How about this:

You’re writing has its own amusing, quirky style.  Doesn’t require much nitpicking or analyzing; it is what it is.

Randomness is your humor failsafe.  It's what you use when you're not quite sure what to use.  Everyone has one; for me it's puns, (EDIT: and for Layla, I'll say it's character jokes).  It explains why your fics are so goofy, and why mine are so exasperating.  That said, don’t constantly be worried about whether stuff happening out of the blue is too arbitrary.  It’s that very quality that distinguishes your fics from the other ones.  Embrace it, and don’t try to change yourself as a writer, because that’s when things start sounding forced.  Good job, and keep writing.

@Layla, a toaster pun?!  Slipping that elegantly into a script would be like elegantly slipping a brick into your bowl of oatmeal.    :p

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #145 on: 01-15-2005 11:37 »

Hey, everyone. Sorry for my week-long abscence...I was having trouble making this next part at least somewhat funny.

Anyway, before we get to that, I've sort of taken a liking to responding to everyone individually, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Layla: First of, I have to say that I've just read the latest part of your fic, and it was great, as always (once I'm done here, I'll comment over there). Next, I'm glad you enjoyed that last part, particularly the "recolonizing" bit (which, I thought, was quite possibly the only worthwhile moment in that scene). Regarding the ship, I don't think it's a crime per se, but I just hate the idea that, in that scene, it comes off as being way off the mark and maybe just a tad uncalled for. But hey, as long as my readers like it, I guess that makes it okay. Other than that, your input always means a lot to me, so thanks for that.

Venus: Yeah, I was aware that you likeyed shippy. Part of the reason I put it in was because I like the ship, too. Just so long as it wasn't contrite (and, going on what you said, it wasn't), it works for me. Oh yeah, and regarding the Calculon thing, "All My Circuits" bits are probably some of the easiest things for me to write, because it's a blank check to be off the wall and totally incoherent...but on purpose. So, glad to know that you enjoyed that.

JBERGES: You got me on the whole "Randomness is your humor failsafe" thing. And, the reason seemmingly everything in my fic is random is because of the fact that I write where the wind takes me, so to speak. I sway with the breezes in that sense, and just write as I go along. I never have even a basic outline plannned out when I start a fic...maybe I have a few gags and the core plot, but that's it. I suppose it could be a dangerous way to write, but I guess it gives my writing this sort of spontaneous feel to it, and I guess that can be a good thing. Thanks. (Oh yeah, and I think I'm gonna ignore the idea of your toaster thing...)

Anyway, here's the next part. I'm nearing the end...I'll probably only post two or three more parts after this. Stay tuned...


(Cut to Planet Express, the Conference Room, the next day. Everyone is seated around the table (Hermes at the head), with the notable exception of Leela and Eve.)

Hermes: Has anyone seen Leela and da new kid?

(Everyone shakes their heads.)

Hermes: Well, den, without a captain, we can’t make today’s delivery. So, if everyone would just stare vacantly at de walls for de next eight hours, you would make my job a lot easier.

(As everyone begins to do just that, Leela and Eve rush in. They’re wearing the same outfit, and the only thing that distinguishes one from the other is the color of their hair—Leela’s purple and Eve’s red.)

Leela: Wait, we’re here!

(Everyone stops staring at the walls and starts staring at Eve and Leela. The two take their seats—Leela taking hers next to Fry, and Eve taking the chair next to Leela.)

Hermes: Well, I’m glad to hear it…(we see Leela and Eve from Hermes P.O.V.—the two of them are hard to distinguish) Leela. (Hermes nods at Eve) Um, I mean, Leela. (He nods at Leela)

(Cut to Farnsworth.)

Farnsworth: Leela, what did I tell you about being two people at once?

Fry: Yeah, Leela, why are you two wearing the same clothes?

Leela: Well, this is the only outfit I own.

Fry: Oh…

Hermes: What da you mean, “Oh”? That made no sense! It’s just a contrived reason for…

(Bender cuts Hermes off by slapping him in the back of the head.)

Hermes: Oww!

Bender: That’s for pointing out obvious plot holes!


Amy: Um, I know I’m usually quiet at these things, but isn’t there a delivery you guys need to make?

Hermes: What? Oh, right, the delivery. Professor, would you like to take it from here?

Farnsworth: (angrily) Hell, no!

Hermes: Okay, den…

Farnsworth: (calmly) Now, as I was saying…today, you’ll be making a delivery to Raviolion 9: a planet composed entirely of dough.

Fry: Yes! I’ve waited my whole life to visit a planet made of food!

Farnsworth: Who said anything about food?

Fry: You just said…

Farnsworth: I said nothing!

Fry: But…

Farnsworth: I said nothing!

Fry: Yes you did!

Farnsworth: No I didn’t!

Fry: Yes you did!

Farnsworth: No I didn’t!

(We pull out of this heated argument, until we reach Hermes and Leela. We can still slightly hear Fry and Farnsworth in the background.)

Leela: This could go on for a while. Hermes, what’s the mission?

Hermes: Look, just follow dis map and take dis.

(He hands her the map and a can of something.)

Leela: Pasta sauce?

Hermes: Dat’s right. They just realized dat a planet made entirely out of dough may have a future in the food industry.

Leela: Oh.

(Cut to the exterior of the Planet Express Ship, soaring through space.)

Fry (o.s.): Yes you did! (beat) Yes you did!

(Cut to the interior of the Planet Express Ship. Bender is at his usual seat, Leela is at the helm (with Eve sitting by her side, watching her steer the ship with admiration), and Fry is at his usual seat, arguing with…no one.)

Fry (cont.): Yes you did!

Leela: Fry, what are you doing?

Fry: What, me? Nothing.

(Fry stops “arguing” and twiddles his thumbs.)


Leela: Okay, guys, we’re here.

(Cut to the ship on the planet’s surface. It is sinking a bit in the dough.)

(Cut back inside the ship. Fry and Leela are standing by the door.)

Leela: Okay, Fry, deliver this to the front gates all the way over there.

(We pull out through the window, and pan all the way to a golden gate. After the long pan, we cut back to Fry and Leela.)

Fry: Why couldn’t we just park right next to the gate?

Leela: Because this is where the big red target that says “Park here” is.

Fry: Oh.

Leela: Now get out there!

(She pushes Fry out the door. He lands in the squishy, doughy surface of the planet. He jumps up and down on the surface, obviously enjoying himself.)

Fry: Tee, hee, hee…it’s like jumping on a big pillow!

(Just in the midst of all his joy, Fry starts to sink in the planet’s surface.)

Fry: Uh-oh… Bad pillow! Bad!

(Cut back into the ship, where Leela is watching Fry.)

Leela: Oh no. Bender, come here!

Bender: No!

Leela: Come here and I’ll give you my…young, vulnerable vacuum cleaner!

(Mercury rises in Benders antenna, it steams, and then it blows up, only to be replaced by a new antenna that pops up from the hole on the top of his head.)

Bender: Aye, Chihuahua!

(Bender walks over to the door, and sees Fry’s predicament.)

Leela: Help him!

Bender: With pleasure, Captain.

(Cut back to Fry, who is still sinking. Bender’s extendo-arm…thingies reach out of the door and pull Fry out of the dough. We pan with the arms, as Bender pulls them (and Fry) back into the ship.)

Fry: Hooray, I’m alive!

Bender: Hooray, I’m getting a new girlfriend!

(The two hug in exultation. Leela is unmoved.)

Leela: Yeah, yeah…life, sex, it’s all good. But what are we gonna do now?

Fry: I’ve got an idea…

(Cut to the golden gates. We stay on that image. After a moment or two, we see Bender’s hands (carrying the can of sauce) come onto the frame from the left. The rest of his arms follow, as they extend all the way to a guard sitting in a booth by the gates.)

(Cut back to the whole gang in the Planet Express ship. Bender is still busy delivering the package, as Fry, Leela, and Eve watch.)

Bender: Hey, how come we don’t do this more often?

(Everyone ignores Bender’s valid question. Instead, Leela starts a new conversation with Fry, as the curious Eve looks on.)

Leela: I’m impressed, Fry. I didn’t even know you were capable of creative thought.
Fry: Well, if you want to know more about me, my offer for dinner still stands.

Leela: (patronizing) That’s very sweet of you Fry, but you realize that if you don’t stop, I’ll be forced to kick your ass…right, sweetie?

Fry: (nervously) Aye, aye, Captain!

Leela: Good boy!

(She pats Fry’s cheek, then takes her seat at the helm, as Fry takes his seat, too. Eve watches the two of them. As this is happening, Bender has reeled his arms back in, and we notice that he has a nice golden watch on his wrist. He takes his seat, as well, although with a bit of urgency.)

Leela: Thanks for making the delivery, Bender.

Bender: (jumpy) Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get the hell out of here!

(Cut to the outside of the ship as it blasts off from the planet’s surface. We stay on the shot of the planet for a moment, and see the alien guard from the gate shaking his fist up in the air.)

(Cut to the exterior of the Planet Express Building, a little later. The sun is setting, and we can see Leela and Eve walking out the door. Leela calls back in the door.)

Leela: Bye, everyone. We’re leaving!

Bender (o.s.): Whadda you want…a medal, or a chest to pin it on? (He chuckles)

(Hearing this, Leela’s eye narrows. She turns to Eve.)

Leela: Hold on a sec’…

(She walks back into the building. After a beat, we hear a sound resembling that of a tin can being crushed. Leela walks back outside to Eve, rubbing her hands together to show a job well done.)

Leela: (mocking Bender) Whadda ya want a medal or a chest to pin it on? (normally; to Eve) C’mon, let’s get out of here.

(The two start walking towards Leela’s apartment.)

(Cut to the exterior of Leela’s apartment building, a few hours later. We cut inside the apartment building to Leela’s apartment room. There, she and Eve are sitting on the couch watching TV. We cut to the TV screen to see that Humorbot 5.0 is on.)

Humorbot 5.0: That is our show for tonight. Join us tomorrow with guests like: TV’s the Head of David Schwimmer. “All My Circuits” soap star Monique. And a true American hero: Viagra-Bot. Until then, goodnight, ladies and germs. End television transmission.

(As the audience starts to applaud, we pull out to Leela and Eve. Leela turns off the TV.)

Leela: (yawning) Well, I think I’m gonna call it a night. How ‘bout you, Eve?

Eve: Um…I’ll be right in.

Leela: Sure. G’night.

Eve: G’night.

(Leela leaves the room. Eve slouches over in the couch. She sighs, then turns to the picture of Leela, her parents, and Fry. She picks it up and stares at it for a moment. Her mind wanders, and we hear that she is recalling her past couple of days with Leela and the rest of the crew. Eve gets madder and madder as each thought progresses.)

Leela: (in Eve’s mind) You’re coming with me.

Munda: (in Eve’s mind) Can do, sweetie.

Fry: (in Eve’s mind) Oh…lots of things…maybe we can discuss them over a dinner.

Eve: (in her mind) It must be nice…to have someone care about you like that.

Leela: (in Eve’s mind) Yeah…it is.

(That last thought echoes in Eve’s mind. With a scowl on her face, Eve gets up from the couch, still holding the picture. She looks into a mirror, conveniently hanging next to the TV. She stares at her reflection for a moment, then back down to the picture. She looks back up to her reflection, and a devious smile forms on her lips. She exits the room, throwing the picture behind her. Cutting to the picture, we can see a crack, separating Leela from the rest of her family.)


Hope you enjoyed that. As always, questions and comments and criticisms and money and observations are always welcome and greatly appreciated.

Urban Legend
« Reply #146 on: 01-15-2005 18:26 »

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Eve's turned evil! Run! Run! *cowers under cats* *cats get annoyed* Ow!

Bending Unit
« Reply #147 on: 01-15-2005 20:59 »
« Last Edit on: 01-15-2005 20:59 »

The plot thickens... *rubs hands together, cackling deviously*

Gorky, a question; when you say 'madder and madder', do you mean just angry, or angry and insane?

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #148 on: 01-15-2005 21:14 »

Must...write...next...part... but...can't...think...of...thinky...stu ff...

I'm suffering from writer's block. Ah well, why not try my hand at some more of those individual responses I've grown so accustomed to.

Venus: That post made me laugh very much, but I have to ask a question: does that mean that you liked this last part or not? I mean, I'm not too good at cracking your Venus-code type thing. (Don't blame me...I read too much to understand this weird "talking" thing everyone insists on doing...) I hope it means something good. (Oh yeah, and, somewhat off-topic: I was checking out the Fanfic Release Date thread, and I noticed another part of you fic from a few weeks ago posted. I gotta say, it was shippy goodness all the way. It's great to see but it sort of makes me mad because I don't get to read more of your great stuff more often. Keep up the awesome work, as always.)

THM: Hey, look who's here, it's...some guy I've never seen in this thread before. Seriously though, great to get a new reader (curious of how long you've been lurking around here, though), and nice to see that you like my work. That means a lot to me, so thank you so much. Oh yeah, and, in answer to your question, when I say "madder and madder", I meant she was just angry, but your latter works as well (it may actually work better). If it's unclear, I may change it. Thanks again.

Urban Legend
« Reply #149 on: 01-15-2005 21:21 »

yes i liked it. It makes my insides all tingly.

Oh, and i'm writing again, slowly, crushed under the writer's block, but i'm writing.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #150 on: 01-15-2005 21:34 »

Insides all tingly, huh? I think they have some sort of medication for that. Oh, wait, you meant that in the good way (seriously, though, thanks). Oh yeah, and I know how hard it is to write, so take your time with it. You've come this far, might as well take your time and produce the best final product you possibly can. Still, I'm awaiting some more (maybe if I say it enough times, you'll post something...maybe...)  ;)

Urban Legend
« Reply #151 on: 01-15-2005 21:42 »

In due time. In due time.

(translated: i gotta write more before i can post anything, i'm not too far past where i posted last time. And if a lot of my spoiler posts are located too close to each other in the story then by the time i get to releasing those chapters for real, they will be boring cause everyone will have read them already.)

Urban Legend
« Reply #152 on: 01-15-2005 21:50 »
« Last Edit on: 01-15-2005 21:50 »

slowly, crushed under the writer's block, but i'm writing.
Seriously, is there any other way to write?

Farnsworth: Leela, what did I tell you about being two people at once?
Was my favorite line.  Could have been right out of the Farnsworth Parabox.

Anyway, it's nice to see the plot moving along; I look forward to the next update.

This sequence:
Fry: Oh…

Hermes: What da you mean, “Oh”? That made no sense! It’s just a contrived reason for…

(Bender cuts Hermes off by slapping him in the back of the head.)

Hermes: Oww!

Bender: That’s for pointing out obvious plot holes!
[/small]Kind of confused me.  Anyone care to offer an explanation?

Bending Unit
« Reply #153 on: 01-15-2005 21:55 »

Yay! An update that's not mine and thus exciting and interesting! (Pats Gorky on the head for updating so often lately.)

Originally posted by Gorky:
 Anyway, before we get to that, I've sort of taken a liking to responding to everyone individually, so that's what I'm gonna do.
It's fun, isn't it! I still don't think that the shippy joy was uncalled for, but I guess we're just two different people.  :)

So, if everyone would just stare vacantly at de walls for de next eight hours, you would make my job a lot easier.

Hilarious! I can picture this.

Farnsworth: Leela, what did I tell you about being two people at once?
Heehee, great!

Hermes: What da you mean, “Oh”? That made no sense! It’s just a contrived reason for…

(Bender cuts Hermes off by slapping him in the back of the head.)

Hermes: Oww!

Bender: That’s for pointing out obvious plot holes!

Ah, the old writer's trick. Hang a lantern on it. If you can't fix something like this, draw attention to it in a hilarious way. Bravo!  :D

I like Farnsworth and Fry's little spat, it's just the sort of thing they would do. What I like about your writing is the way you drag jokes out. That may not sound like a good thing, but you always have a funny little twist at the end (Bergey does this too) that makes a good joke a great one. (Fry arguing on the ship. I can imagine the Professor still going on too back at PE.)
Also, you've made me hungry for pasta.

Fry: Why couldn’t we just park right next to the gate?

Leela: Because this is where the big red target that says “Park here” is.

Nice pointing out of a consistant oddity on the show. Also, I think someone mentioned this on a comentary once.

Fry and the pillow thing is adorable. I love Bender's rescue and also the line:

Leela: Come here and I’ll give you my…young, vulnerable vacuum cleaner!

Let's see, I love Leela's patronizing, yet threatening response to Fry's asking her out. I love the fact that Bender did something wrong on the planet that we have no idea what it is. I like the phrase, a sound resembling that of a tin can being crushed.

I like evil Eve, but I must admit, I don't entirely get why she's getting mad. Because of Leela taking her life for granted? What exactly set her off?

Other than that, fastasmagorical, Gorky!

Bending Unit
« Reply #154 on: 01-15-2005 22:07 »
« Last Edit on: 01-15-2005 22:07 »

Having spent some time reading your new fanfic, I thought I must comment! Oh, and I've also read the others (Dating Game, start of the movie script and the first fic) but since you seem to be focusing on the Eve fic, I'll do so too   :D

Now that the plot has emerged (y'know, with Eve being evil), I'm getting excited! Had some great lines (also liked the part of "pointing out obvious plot holes   :laff: ) and the shippy! YAY! Bring it   :D

Oh, and how could I forget. The whole argument between Fry and Farnsworth ("yes, I did--no, you didn't!" ) was hilarious! Are you a Monty Python fan, per chance? It's right out of one of their best sketches (IMO). Not saying that you're ripping them off, the concept it's quite common. But it stays brilliant  :D

So, keep it going.
And by the way; do you intend to finish the other 2 fics anytime?

Urban Legend
« Reply #155 on: 01-15-2005 22:17 »

Originally posted by Layla50:
I love the fact that Bender did something wrong on the planet that we have no idea what it is.

I like evil Eve, but I must admit, I don't entirely get why she's getting mad. Because of Leela taking her life for granted? What exactly set her off?

Other than that, fastasmagorical, Gorky!

Bender stole the guards watch. At least that's what it came across for me. And i think Eve was triggered both by Leela seemingly taking her life for granted and Eve not having the support in her life that Leela does. Basically, she's jealous.

Bending Unit
« Reply #156 on: 01-15-2005 23:38 »

Ah, thank you Venus. Clearly my brain is lacking the delta brainwave today. (By which I mean I need more sleep.)

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #157 on: 01-16-2005 08:57 »

Neat! I have lots of stuff to respond to! So, since I'm gracing you all with those response thingies ( ;)), don't get mad at me over the fact that I don't have an update yet! (Pwease...)

Venus: I get what you're saying about not wanting to update all the time, and I really respect the fact that you continue to write without outside opinions on your stuff. I mean, I'd finish my stuff even if I didn't get your guys' opinions on it (although I greatly appreciate your input), it's just that it's nice to hear what others think. Of course, you get opinions even without posting frequently, so kudos on that.

JBERGES: Nice to know you liked Farnsworth's line...mostly because the wording took forever to come up with. At least now I know it worked. Also, the sequence you mentioned (which Layla reiterated on) is just pointing out the fact that Leela only owning one outfit is sort of a cheat (it's also sort of commenting on the fact that all cartoon characters usually only have one outfit). Hope that helps.

Layla: Just read the latest part of your fic, and it's great, as always. Thanks for all your comments (nice call on the "hang a lantern on it"  thing). Also, it's interesting that I made you hungry for pasta (and strange that I used the name Raviolion), considering the fact that I actually really don't like pasta all that much. Anyway, thanks as always for your input, and keep up your great work as well.

AsaB: Hey, welcome to the thread! Neat, I got two new readers in one night! Also, it's great to hear that you're enjoying this (and, apparently, that you enjoyed my other two fics). And, it looks like we have another shipper here (which, of course, is great). Oh yeah, and Monty Python sketches are some of the greatest things to look at for "comedy" writers (using the term loosely), although I really didn't reference the sketch you're talking about (I'm so tired...can't even remember the gist of it) for that bit. Oh yeah, and I will finish the movie script eventually (I refuse to post another part until I write myself out of the neat little corner I've boxed myself into), although I've pretty much given up on my first fic. (I hate not finishing it, because it was loads of fun to write...it's just that, looking back on it, it doesn't seem as good as I thought it was. Of course, if you guys would really want me to, I suppose I could finish it when I actually comb through it and improve what I've got of it so far. Stay tuned.)

Venus (again): Yeah, Bender stole the guard's watch. Also, Eve is basically jealous over the fact that Leela takes her pretty great life for granted ([ship alert] especially how she takes Fry for granted [/ship alert]). She's just jealous.

Layla (again): Oh God, don't get me started on needing more sleep (and besides, my brain lacks the delta brainwave every day).

Oh yeah, and please tell me that someone has figured out the parody by now...please. (I refuse to unveil the working title for this fic until someone at least takes a guess as to the parody) (Boy, do I sure know how to keep the suspense...)

Anyway, I'll hopefully have at least a small update up by tonight. I guess we'll have to wait and see...   

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #158 on: 01-18-2005 17:26 »
« Last Edit on: 01-18-2005 17:26 »

Okay, so I was a little off with my prediction. But, that's besides the point. The point is that today I do have a new part of my fic out. Now, admittedly, it's kind of strange and maybe not as funny as it could be, but I think it works well enough. Enjoy...


(Cut to the exterior of Leela’s apartment building, the next morning. We can hear the shower running, and we can also hear Eve’s voice.)

Eve (o.s.): (forced) Whoops!

(Cut to Leela, in a robe, sitting at her kitchen table. She is drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper.)

Leela: (reading) Hmm…according to this well-researched article, air pollution may actually be beneficial to our health…

(Leela turns the page, and we can see the name of the paper: The New New York Post. Leela continues to read. We hear Eve enter the room, but the shot stays on Leela, and Leela’s eye stays on the paper.)

Leela: Morning, Eve. What was all that noise about?

Eve: Oh, nothing.

Leela: Well, that’s goo…WHAAA!

(Just then, Leela looks up at Eve, and the camera shifts to her. We see that Eve’s hair is now dyed purple, and that she is completely identical to Leela (except for the fact that the band holding back her hair is red). Leela is shocked.)

Leela (cont.): Uh…I mean WHAAT…um…happened to your hair?

Eve: (forced) Oh, this? I meant to reach for the shampoo, but I…um…accidentally grabbed this hair dye by mistake.

(Eve holds up a bottle of hair dye labeled “Purple Dye #0118”. Leela quickly grabs it.)

Leela: (confused) What are you talking about? I don’t know where this came from; I don’t die my hair. I’m a natural…purple.

(She throws the bottle to the side, then laughs nervously. When she’s through, she looks back up to Eve.)

Leela: Anyway…um…you don’t really want purple hair, do you? We can go get you some red hair dye later.

Eve: No…I kind of like it like this.

Leela: Oh.

(Eve sits down at the table. Leela continues to stare at Eve’s hair.)

Eve: Could you pass the grapefruit?

(Leela doesn’t respond, as her gaze remains on Eve’s hair.)

Eve: Leela?

(Leela still stares at Eve’s hair, but this time she responds.)

Leela: Oh yeah…here.

(Leela reaches off-screen and materializes a shoe, which she hands to Eve.)

Eve: Um…thanks.


Eve: So…it’s Saturday. Got any plans?

(Leela shakes herself out of it, and manages to look Eve in the face as she answers the question.)

Leela: Oh yeah. I was thinking we could go down and visit my parents for a while, then I have to go to this Humane Society meeting.

(Eve gives her a confused look.)

Leela: They require anyone who works with animals to go to them.

(Eve is still confused.)

Leela: Fry.

Eve: Oh.

(Cut to a close-up of Eve.)

Eve: Well that sounds good. I’ll go…(her eye wanders to something off-screen) Um…Leela?

(Pull out to reveal that Leela is again staring at Eve’s hair.)

Leela: What? (She sees what she’s doing) Oh. (She stops staring)

Eve: Um…I’m gonna go brush my teeth.

(Eve gets up, a bit annoyed. Leela watches her ponytail exit the frame. When Leela is alone, she shudders.)

(Cut to the exterior of the Turanga household. Leela and Eve walk up to the door and knock. Munda answers the door. We see the two from Munda’s P.O.V…or rather, the one. Leela is standing in front of Eve, hiding her from Munda’s view.)

Munda: Oh, hi sweetie! What a pleasant surprise! (calling off-screen) Morris, come here and see your daughter…(Eve comes forward, confusing Munda)…and your other daughter.

Morris (o.s.): What?

(Morris walks up to Munda’s side and sees the two “twins”. He smiles knowingly.)

Morris: Oh, I’m having that dream again! That means that the naked wom…(Munda glares at Morris) …Munda should be here soon.

Leela: Yeah… Um…Mom, Dad…this is Eve. There was a little…shampoo incident.

Munda: Well…okay. Both of you, come on in!

(Leela and Eve head inside, leaving Morris and Munda at the doorway.)

Munda: Now, about this dream, Morris…

Morris: Oh boy…

(Cut to the living room. Some time has passed, and we catch the end of a story.)

Morris: …so I told the guy, “That’s no monkey, that’s my mother!” It was the nicest compliment she ever got…

Munda: Morris, if you ever tell that story again, I want a divorce.

Leela: Mom!

Munda: Oh, Honey, I’m only kidding! Anyway, Eve, tell us…how’s the surface?

Eve: (overly enthusiastic) Oh, it’s great! Leela got me a job at her work, and yesterday I went on a delivery with her. I watched everything she does…how she pilots the ship and how she makes the deliveries and how Fry hits on her…

(Leela, embarrassed, cuts Eve off.)

Leela: (nervously) Um…how Fry hits on my friend, Amy! Right, Eve?

Eve: (annoyed, Eve narrows her eye at Leela) Right. (cheerfully) So, now I know how to do everything Leela does. I can pilot the ship and make deliveries and everything. In fact, I’m so much like her that you could even call me Leela! (She laughs) But don’t!

(Leela joins her half-heartedly.)

Leela: (fake laughing) She said you could call her Leela! Ha, ha, ha…but don’t!

(The two continue to laugh for a few seconds. Eventually, they wind it down.)

Leela: (wiping away a pretend tear; forced) Oh, that was a good one, Eve!

Morris: It sure was. So, Eve…

Eve: Call me Leela.

(The real Leela hides her face in her hands in exasperation and sighs.)

(Cut to Leela and Eve walking back to Leela’s apartment.)

Eve: That sure was fun, wasn’t it Leela. (Beat) Leela?

Leela: (upset) Oh, are you talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself, Leela.

Eve: What? You’re upset about that? I was only kidding.

Leela: (still upset) I know…I know…

(By this time, Leela and Eve have made it to the door to apartment 1I. Leela unlocks the door and lets Eve in.)

Leela: Look…I have to go to my meeting. I’ll be back in a few hours. See ya.

(Leela walks away, and Eve closes the apartment door behind her.)

Eve: (fiendishly) It’s show time…

(She walks off-screen.)

And so, I shall leave you with the closest thing to a cliff hanger that I know...

EDIT: Edited on account of stupidity.

Urban Legend
« Reply #159 on: 01-18-2005 19:08 »

confused by a plot point. Leela is a natural purple. She doesn't dye her hair.
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