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Author Topic: Gal You've Never Heard Of Rips Off JBERGES!  (Read 15685 times)
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Bending Unit
« Reply #160 on: 01-18-2005 19:14 »


More please!

Starship Captain
« Reply #161 on: 01-18-2005 19:15 »

Yeah, isn't Leela's hair naturaly purple, or did Eve put that hair dye there? Anyways great chapter. Keep it up.

« Reply #162 on: 01-18-2005 19:21 »

Keep up the good work,really!

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #163 on: 01-18-2005 20:20 »

Working on the next part (tough to do, because I'm trying to work in the ever-so-difficult to write exposition), but for now, I feel the need to clarify on some stuff that I guess is confusing.

Venus: Leela dying her hair has nothing to do with the story. It's not really a plot point, it's just an aside joke. But, now that I think about it, it makes absolutely no sense, and actually does conflict with stuff that...I think...we saw in "Leela's Homeworld" (the scene in which Leela was born), to name one example. But, you are absolutely right, so I edited that out. It means one less "joke", but at least the whole thing makes sense now. Thanks for that.

THM: Again, great to hear from my new reader, and even better to know that you're enjoying reading this at least a fraction of as much as I enjoy writing it. Thanks!

Philip_J_Fry: Nice to see you back here, man. Again, I must thank you and Venus for calling me out on that (that's precisely what I was talking about when I said I like posting my fics before submitting them to TLZ), and for taking the time to comment on my stuff...it means a lot to me. Oh yeah, and good call on Eve planting the hair dye there...that'll be explained in an upcoming part.

goodmorinsun: Hey, welcome to PEEL! Thanks for stopping by here and commenting. I hope you like what's in store next, and thanks for the compliment!

Anyway, I'm hoping to churn another part out in a day or two. Thanks everyone, as always, for the comments, criticisms, and for pointing out the innumerable flaws I make.

Urban Legend
« Reply #164 on: 01-18-2005 21:01 »
« Last Edit on: 01-18-2005 21:01 »

Gorky, you could just change the joke a bit; you could insinuate that Leela is going grey or something, and therefore needs the dye... maybe? 

EDIT:  Crap, didn't read your response.  You found away around it already.  Good on it, then.

Nice work, I'm sorry to say I have no clue what you're parodying yet.  How about a hint?

Bending Unit
« Reply #165 on: 01-18-2005 22:34 »
« Last Edit on: 01-18-2005 22:34 »

Wheee!! Evil twins are fun! And by the way...URGH! cliffhanger!

Ah, now that that's out of the way... (Oh, I'm dying of curiosity!)

I loved Leela's reaction to the purple hair. Their resemblance didn't really bother her until then, and that really amuses me.

Fry and the humane society. That's great. What's to be done with these 20th century people?
You're so good at these flyaway jokes, like Leela's article about airpollution.   :laff:
And the grapefruit and the shoe!   :laff:

Morris's dream and Munda's calling him on it was great too!

Eve's list of all the things she knows about Leela manages to be both creepy and funny. Don't ask me how you do it, crazy humour writer, I just introspect.

Gorky knew in her heart that the Futuramaverse was crying out for Leela to have an evil twin, but yet, she was deeply troubled. What would mighty JBERGES think? And what could be done about that mad shipper, no not Venus, the other one, who constantly criticized her spelling?

You're fun to write!   ;)

Edit: Oh, and I'm going to take a stab at the parody... it's something with an evil twin that takes over somebody's life. Hah! Take that!

Urban Legend
« Reply #166 on: 01-18-2005 22:41 »

Is Eve gonna kill Leela, wrap her up in a sheet, dump her in a shallow grave in central park and be the new Leela?

And what about Eve's voice? Is it similar to Leela's? Cause otherwise it would be hard to take over her life.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #167 on: 01-19-2005 06:46 »
« Last Edit on: 01-19-2005 06:46 »

Well, I managed to write another part late last night, so I shall post it now. But first...

JBERGES: A hint? Hmm...it's a '90s film in which Eve's character kills the boyfriend of Leela's character (Whoops   ;)). (Admittedly, this is a loose sort of "Oh, that's a mildly amusing movie, let's rip it off" parody, but perhaps now you'll take a shot at it. Also, the idea of Leela's hair being gray is actually very good...wish I had thought of that sooner. As always, thanks for your input.

Layla: Unfortunately for you, this next part does have a small sort of cliffhanger, but the following part may be out in a day or so. We'll see. Anyway, nice to see that this part was more amusing than I thought (I was sort of worried about the Morris and Munda stuff (well actually, Munda wanting a divorce), but at least I know that it works well enough. Also, you just wrote me (And I'm fun to write? Neat!), so why not return the favor?

As she spent her precious life typing away at the computer in a vain attempt to appease "She who complains a lot" (mere mortals may know her as "Gorky" ), Layla was beginning to think that maybe that thing called "a life" wasn't all that bad.

"Nonsense!" cried a trio of voices behind her. It was Venus, JBERGES, and Gorky, calling Layla back over to the dark side.

What was she to do? Go on living under a rock to make a bunch of equally lifeless PEELERs happy? Or, take another shot at a career as a rodeo clown?

"Eh, well..." she said, as she continued to type.


Actually, that sounds nothing like you. But hey, at least I got that out of my system, right?

...not even the crickets replied to Gorky.

(Man, I gotta stop doing that...)

Also, nice guess on the parody! You win...that thing I just wrote.

Venus: Damn...why didn't I think of that! (Seriously though, I hate when one character takes over the identity of another (i.e. The Simpsons' "The Principal and the Pauper" ), so I don't think I'll be heading in that particular direction. Also, you're right on the whole Eve thing. No, her voice doesn't sound similar to Leela's, but my thinking as far as Eve's plan goes like this: it's very poorly thought-out. But you definitely called me out on that. Perhaps this next part might clear things up a little...


(Cut to Fry and Bender’s apartment. Fry is sitting on the couch, watching Bender. Bender is wearing a stuffed red lace bra, and is strutting back and forth as if he is walking up and down a runway, for Fry. Suddenly, the phone rings, and Fry and Bender just stare at each other nervously for a moment.)

Bender: Let us never speak of this again.

Fry: Gotcha.

(The phone continues to ring, and Fry finally picks it up.)

Fry: Hello?

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: (attempting to imitate Leela) Hi, Fry.

(Cut to Fry, who is confused by this Eve/Leela voice hybrid.)

Fry: Um…who is this?

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: Oh, I think you know who it is.

(Cut to Fry.)

Fry: Lassie?

(Cut to Eve, who rolls her eye at Fry’s stupidity.)

Eve: (agitated) Fry, what the hell is wrong with you?

(Cut to Fry.)

Fry: Oh, hi Leela. (realizing something) Say, do you have a cold or something? I mean, you sound sort of…different.

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: (nervously) A cold? Um…sure, let’s go with that.

(Cut to Fry.)

Fry: Okay. Um…Leela, why are you calling me?

(Cut to Eve, who is caught a bit off guard by this question.)

Eve: Why? Isn’t calling you something I normally do?

(Cut to Fry.)

Fry: No.

(Cut to Eve, as a look of realization comes over her face.)

Eve: Well, why wouldn’t I call you? (seductively) I mean, especially since you’re my boyfriend.

(Cut to Fry, who is in a state of total shock.)

Fry: Your…your…boyfriend?…

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: Well, sure. We’ve known each other for, what, four years? Wasn’t it obvious?

(Cut to Fry. We stay on this shot, but hear another voice on the phone.)

Bender: (on the phone) Yeah, like anything’s obvious to Fry!

Fry: Bender! Get off the phone!

Bender: (on the phone; dejected) Aw…all right.

(We hear a click on the other end of the line.)

Fry: Leela? Are you still there?

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: Uh-huh.

(Cut to Fry.)

Fry: Great! So, um, do you wanna get together later. I mean, with your new…BF? (He giggles)

(Again, we hear Bender’s voice.)

Bender: (on the phone) Fry, that wasn’t cool in the 21st century, and it isn’t cool in the 31st century!

Fry: What? Bender, would you get off the phone!

(We pull out to reveal that Bender is standing next to Fry.)

Bender: I’m not on the phone.

Fry: But…but I just…(sigh) whatever.

(Bender turns away from Fry and laughs to himself as he pulls out a phone from his chest compartment.)

Bender: Tee hee hee…

Fry: Gimme that!

Bender: Aw…

(Bender hands the phone to Fry, then walks off-screen dejectedly. Fry turns back to the phone.)

Fry: Leela? I’m so sorry about that. Anyway, do you still want to maybe get a bite to eat or something?

(Cut to Eve, who has a fiendish grin across her face.)

Eve: Actually, why don’t you come over to my place for a…romantic dinner?

(Cut to Fry, who has an eager smile on his face.)

Fry: Sure! I’ll be right over! Bye.

(Cut to Eve.)

Eve: (seductively) I’ll be waiting…

(She hangs up, then laughs evilly. We cut to Fry, who hangs up as well.)

Bender (o.s.): A romantic dinner? Sounds too good to be true, Meatbag…

(Pan over to see Bender sitting next to Fry on the couch. He is talking into a phone that he has up to his metaphorical ear.)

Fry: Um…Bender…I just hung up.

(Bender looks up at Fry, somewhat sheepishly.)

Bender: Um…I knew that.

(He coughs nervously, as Fry stares at him with a tad bit of concern.)


Well, that sets us up for our big finale. Hope you enjoyed it (sorry about the length, though...it's quite short.)

Urban Legend
« Reply #168 on: 01-19-2005 08:37 »
« Last Edit on: 01-19-2005 08:37 »

Aaaaand the plot thickens! Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnn!!

...So there's not gonna be any murder attempts? Awww.

Bending Unit
« Reply #169 on: 01-19-2005 16:27 »

Oooh, interesting! Eve kind of creeps me out, but I understand her motives. And I loved the way your wrote Bender, hilarous. So yay, looking forward to moooore!

Bending Unit
« Reply #170 on: 01-19-2005 21:56 »

Yay! More story!! (Hugs Gorky)

I'll admit that the divorce line shocked me, but then it was okay so I didn't worry.
(Fights off mad plot bunny about a conflict between the two... and Fry and Leela trying to patch things up between them together... agh, bad bunny!)

You wrote me! Naturally, I laughed myself sick. There's more truth than there should be in that prose. Prose! from Gorky!

And how did you know I wanted to be a rodeo clown? (Is terrified.)

Yay! I win the guess! In your face anyone who actually knew what they're talking about. (And thanks Venus for that exceedingly disturbing image of poor Leela's brutal murder.)

Wait a minute... Venus changed her avvie! Ah, run away!

Bender in a red lace bra, parading for Fry... ah, run away! (Seriously, that's a scream.)

Eve getting mad and then Fry thinking she's Leela, that's awesome. Poor little Fry.  ;) I guess now Eve knows what she's getting in to.
I can so picture Fry's shock, and his later giggling, at the boyfriend thing and the shipper in me, which is all of me really, even the grammarian, melted into a puddle. Bender as treacle cutter, that's a wise and fun choice.

And don't think I didn't notice the metaphorical ear.  :laff:

I wait eagerly for the romantic dinner!


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #171 on: 01-20-2005 17:16 »

Well, it's no ending, but I wrote a small part earlier that I suppose I'll post now. But before that mind-numbing "entertainment"...

Venus: Sorry to disappoint you. But hey, in the part after this next one, people's lives are threatened! So...um...there's always that. *Exits room, slightly disturbed*

AsaB: I'm glad to hear that Eve creeps you out, because that was my intent (it's also great to hear that you understand her motives, because I was worried that it might be unclear). Also, nice to hear that I apparently write Bender well (personally, I felt that he was a bit off in this part...of course, I feel that every characte is off in every part). Thanks as always for your comments.

Layla: Laughed yourself sick, huh? Does that mean that you were so embarassed for me and my attempt at prose that you threw up? Is that what you're trying to say, you...prose thrower-upper-atter?! Seriously though, I'm shocked that you enjoyed that little bit. I really enjoy writing in prose (and I actually find it about ten times easier to write in than script format...it's just that I enjoy a challenge, I guess), so I'm surprised I don't do it more often.

But, I'll get to do it again right now, because I'm feeling somewhat bad for having mislead you. You see, as this next part will point out, there isn't any romantic dinner. Still, I feel the need to satisfy your greedy shipper appetite ( :p) so here's a romantic dinner scene, just for you.
For forces beyond her control (and by forces, I mean Layla), Leela was finding herself dialing Fry's number. When he answered, Leela knew what she had to do. Why, ask him out on a romantic dinner, of course! Even though she was always rejecting him, she knew deep down that she was in love with the guy! ... Right?

When Leela asked, Fry was, of course, thrilled. (First, he had found a half-eaten burrito in the men's room toilet, now the woman of his dreams was asking him out!) They agreed to meet at Elzar's because it is apparently the only restaurant in all of New New York City.

"So..." Fry said, as the two waited for their meals to arrive.

"So..." Leela echoed. She wasn't in the mood for...saying stuff.

"So..." Fry said again (not because he wasn't in the mood for saying stuff, but because he's a moron).

Leela couldn't stand it anymore. "Listen, Fry, I can't put up with this sham anymore! I didn't even want to ask you out, I just wanted to..."

Fry interjected, nervously. "Shhh! She might be listening!" he said, pointing in Layla's general direction.

"Oh, right."

They spent the rest of the night talking about all the good times they had ever had, and then Fry proposed and even though it was their first date, Leela accepted, finally realizing that Fry really might be sort of in love with her.


Anyway, on to the show.


(Cut to the door to Apartment 1I. Fry is standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers. He knocks on the door.)

Fry: Leela?

(“Leela” (by which I mean Eve) opens the door to be greeted by a smiling Fry. Fry, however, is greeted by a demonic-looking Eve, holding a ray gun. Fry stares at the gun, nervously.)

Fry: (nervously) Y-you’re not Leela…

Eve: (waving the gun; angrily) Get in the bed and shut up!

Fry: You’re definitely not Leela.

(Cut to Leela’s bedroom. Fry is tied onto the bed—his hands are tied to the posts of the headboard, and his feet are tied to the posts at the foot of the bed. Eve is sitting in a chair beside the bed, wrapping up what was undoubtedly a long-winded explanation.)

Eve: …and so that’s how I know I’ll get away with it!

Fry: You’re insane!

Eve: I’m not insane…I’m just a bit fatuous.

Fry: (angrily) That’s the same thing and you know it!

Eve: Whatever. The point is, you’re not getting outta this room and that’s that.

Fry: But…but…

Eve: Upp, upp, upp…no buts.

Fry: (chuckling) Hee, hee, hee…butts…

(Fry stops laughing abruptly, and a troubled look comes over him.)

Fry: (whiny tone) I have to pee…

Eve: Well, you should have thought about having to pee before you asked me for all that coffee to drink!

(Cut to an extreme close-up of Fry’s face.)

Fry: It calms my nerves!

(Pull out to reveal the rest of Fry’s body shaking wildly.)

Eve: That still doesn’t explain why you had to have all that hot chocolate!

Fry: (sheepishly) It reminds me of coffee…

Eve: (grunts angrily) You’re not leaving this room! Understand?

Fry: No.

Eve: Well, too bad, tinkle boy!

Fry: (hurt) That wasn’t very nice. (Beat; then, slyly) And besides, I’m gonna go whether you like it or not.

(Fry grins, and Eve’s eye widens in a sort of quiet disgust. She gets up out of her chair and unties Fry. He gets up and Eve holds her gun up to his back. She begins to walk him to the bathroom.)

Eve: I’m not taking my eye off you.

Fry: But what about when I’m in the bathroom?

Eve: Well, I guess you’re on your own there. But don’t try anything funny!

(The two of them reach the bathroom door. Fry turns the doorknob.)

Fry: (slyly) Oh…I won’t.

(Extreme close-up of Fry’s head.)

Fry: (slyly; under his breath) Little does she know that I’m not really going to the bathroom, but that I’m instead making a bold escape attempt!

(Pull out to reveal that Fry has yet to actually open the bathroom door. He still has his hand on the knob, and Eve is still standing behind him, gun up to his back.)

Eve: Um, Fry? I’m still here…

(Fry’s face goes pale and he turns his head slowly to Eve.)

Fry: (nervously) Oh…

(Eve narrows her eye at Fry, with incredible hostility.)

Fry: (nervously) Hi…


Not quite sure if this is up to par with the rest of the story, so comments and criticisms would be greatly appreciated.

Starship Captain
« Reply #172 on: 01-20-2005 17:47 »

Great chapter! Keep up the good work, Update soon!

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #173 on: 01-21-2005 16:52 »

Thanks, Philip_J_Fry!

Unfortunately, I'm having some trouble wrapping this thing up, so for now, I'll have to say that we probably won't see a new part until either tomorrow or Sunday (maybe even later...I'm not sure yet). Sorry about that.

Other than that, I've had a new idea for a fic that I'm not sure hasn't been done before.

Here's the idea: After discovering just how ineffective New New York's mayor is, the PE crew campaigns to get Fry elected in the upcoming race for mayor.

Now, what I need to know is: has this been done before? Because if it has, then it's back to the old drawing board (which, in case you were wondering, Layla, is metaphorical). Any help you guys have to offer on this would be great. Thanks a bunch.

Bending Unit
« Reply #174 on: 01-21-2005 19:33 »

I like how psychotic Eve has become, for some reason! Interesting and original stuff, definitely. Fry was also in character, I liked that. So, I anxiously wait for the wrapping-up!

Bending Unit
« Reply #175 on: 01-21-2005 22:14 »

Originally posted by Gorky:
 Because if it has, then it's back to the old drawing board (which, in case you were wondering, Layla, is metaphorical).

Bwahahahaha!  :laff: Oh, you kill me, Gorky!
Metaphorically.  ;)

I love the idea of your new fic, and I don't recall any stories about it. I'm sure it will be wild fun!

As for this latest part: Yes, I did throw up at your fic, but I felt guilty about it later. Prose is more natural than script writing, although it is time consuming, what with all the words. Nothing gets more in the way of writing than words. Glad you're up for challenges. Good writers, like you, ought to be.

I wasn't going to forgive you for tricking me, but seeing as you gave me a fun shippy treat. (I do have to feel a bit sorry for Fry and Leela, I mean, look at what I'm doing to them.) I loved it! (Although if this was a not funny fic, I wouldn't really like it, if that makes sense.)

I love romantic Fry!! Okay, that's out of my system. I love the juxtaposition of Fry and demonic Eve. (Nice adjective!) 
Eve: (waving the gun; angrily) Get in the bed and shut up!

Fry: You’re definitely not Leela.

Eve: I’m not insane…I’m just a bit fatuous.

Fry: (angrily) That’s the same thing and you know it!
Ooh, it's not every day someone sends me running to the dictionary. Nice reference to that vocabulary Fry has.
Fry: (chuckling) Hee, hee, hee…butts…
So great!

The whole coffee/pee thing was hilarious, Gorky. And hot chocolate reminding him of coffee... beautiful.
Fry: (slyly; under his breath) Little does she know that I’m not really going to the bathroom, but that I’m instead making a bold escape attempt!

Fantastic! I also love the phrase 'incredible hostility'. Very vivid image.

This chapter is wonderful all the way through, really very, very funny! Bravo!


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #176 on: 01-21-2005 23:25 »

I'm almost too tired to make any sense (not like I make sense when I'm awake, either), but I've managed to write the next-to-the-last part of my fic (all that's left is a brief little scene to wrap everything up). But first...

AsaB: You like psychotic Eve? Teriffic, because I like writing her. What more is there to say? I'm so glad you like this!

Layla: I kill you? Oh...you mean metaphorically (now I get it)! Seriously, what can I say? It's so great to have an awesome writer like you here to comment on my stuff. And yeah, I know what you mean by "if this was a not funny fic, I wouldn't really like it". Also, I just wanted to use the word fatuous, and I thought it would be sort of funny to say that Fry actually knew what it meant. Doesn't make much sense but, hey, I gave up making sense a long time ago. Thanks again, for everything.

Okay, this part I'm not so confident on. I'm not sure if it's contrived or makes no sense or is just totally stupid. Definitely need your help on this...


(Cut to the front room of Leela’s apartment (you know…the room with the TV and couch and stuff). Eve is sitting on the couch drinking a beer, and Fry is in the corner of the room, tied to a chair with his mouth taped shut. There is a sort of makeshift pendulum (think “The Pit and the Pendulum”) swinging a few feet above his head. Fry is trying to remove the tape from his mouth by biting through it.)

Eve: (taking a swig from the beer) Ah…nothing better than a nice cold one after bounding and gagging some moron.

(Fry continues to chew through the tape, muttering something that no sane human being would be able to understand, in the process.)

Eve: Of course you’re a moron!

(Fry manages to free his mouth from the tape. He looks self-satisfied as he turns his head towards Eve.)

Fry: Oh yeah? Well, could a moron eat his way through three layers of duct tape?

Eve: Um…you did realize that eating tape would make you sick, right?

Fry: No I didn’t. (His face turns pale) Excuse me.

(Fry turns his head behind the back of the chair. We quickly cut to the front door of the apartment room (from Eve’s side), and hear a key being turned. We cut back to Eve, who is now very alert. She picks up her gun and claps her hands, turning off the lights in the apartment.)

Fry: Where’d everyone go?

(Cut to the hallway outside Leela’s door. She turns the doorknob and opens the door. She is greeted to a pitch black apartment.)

Leela: Hello? Eve?

(She turns the light on, and we see the next shot from her P.O.V. It is Eve, holding a gun and staring at Leela through a half-opened eye. Her figure is preventing Leela from seeing Fry. After a beat of this shot, we cut back to a somewhat frightened Leela.)

Leela: Bye, Eve.

(She turns to leave. Eve stops her.)

Eve: Wait. Before you go, I think you should see something.

(Eve moves out of the way of Fry, and, for the first time, Leela sees her best friend tied to a chair, a sort of queasy look on his face. Her heart drops.)

Leela: (weakly) Fry?

Fry: (as cheerfully as he can manage) Hi.

Eve: (evilly) Now, as you can see, I’ve tied up your…toaster. His life is in my hands. All I have to do is pull this lever…

(She points to a wooden lever on the wall.)

Leela: I’ve never noticed that before...

Eve (cont.): And you’ve got yourself a big ol’ helping of Fry coleslaw.

Fry: Mmm…Fry coleslaw…

Leela: Fry, what the hell is wrong with you? Er…I mean, Eve what the hell is wrong with you?!

(This question throws Eve into a frenzy, for some reason.)

Eve: (enraged) What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me? The question is what’s wrong with you!

Leela: What?

Eve: (angrily) Look at yourself! You get to have parents, and a great job, and friends…and-and…a boyfriend…

Leela/Fry: (shocked/eager) Boyfriend?

Eve (cont.): And you take it all for granted! I’d give anything to have your life! (she laughs) But now I can!

Leela: What are you talking about?

Eve: Look at us--we could be twins! (slyly) It’d be mighty easy for me to become the new Leela, dontcha think?

Leela: You can’t be serious.

Eve: Oh, but I am! And I can become the new Leela. That is, once you’re out of the picture…

Leela: (shakily) Wh-what do you mean?

Eve: Isn’t it obvious? Me, you, and a gun.

Fry: And Fry!

Leela: (nervously) M-me, you, and a gun?

Fry: And Fry!

(Leela realizes something.)

Leela: Yeah…why did you have to drag Fry into this?

Eve: What, you didn’t think I’d give you a choice? What do you think I am, crazy?

Leela: Yes.

Eve: (ignoring her) You get a chance to decide what happens next, Leela.

Leela: What?

Eve: You can let me kill you now and take over your life with no one the wiser. Or, you can live, let your best friend be killed, then suffer for the rest of your life. Either, way, someone’s gonna die tonight.

(Just then, we hear a familiar voice from off-screen.)

Zoidberg (o.s.): Hello, friends!

(We pan over to reveal Zoidberg standing behind Leela, by the door.)

Fry: Ooo! Kill him! Kill him!

Leela: Dr. Zoidberg? What are you doing here?

Zoidberg: I always come to the Hot House of Mackerel and Exotic Dancing on Saturday nights.

Leela: Um…this is my apartment.

Zoidberg: What? (he pulls out a map, with “Captain Sippy’s Treasure Hunt” written on the back of it) But I followed the directions on the back of this place mat…um…I mean, fancy map exactly.

Eve: What the hell is going on here?

Leela: Oh man…oh man…

(She thinks over her predicament for a moment, then, her face brightens.)

Eve: That’s it…(she holds up the gun and points it right at Leela)

Leela: Wait! Zoidberg, I never thought I’d say this, but take your shirt off and get over here!

(He tears his shirt off, then Leela motions for him to stand right in front of her, and he does. Leela calls over Zoidy’s shoulder to Fry.)

Leela: Fry, duck!

(Right after Leela says those words, we see Eve’s finger pull the trigger on the gun. Zoidberg tightens his abdomen,  and Leela ducks behind him. The beam that comes out of the gun ricochets off of Zoidberg’s tough shell. We then follow it as it comes back at Eve, who ducks out of its path. The ray then zooms over the head of the ducking Fry, and hits the wall directly behind him. The wall crumbles loudly and a hole is left where the beam hit. After a beat, everyone opens their eyes and sees what has happened. Eve is infuriated.)

Eve: Okay, no more fun and games, this time, I’m…

(A voice from off-screen interrupts Eve. It is that of our favorite robotic cop, URL.)

URL: Hold up, baby. What’s goin’ on here?

(Pull out to reveal URL and the human cop standing at the door. They turn to Leela.)

URL: We heard gunshots.

Human Cop: Usually we just ignore ‘em, but this place is right across the street from that strip joint. So we figured we’d check this out on our way over there.

URL: What seems to be the problem?

Leela: Well, officers, this woman here almost killed my friend and me with that illegal ray gun.

URL: Is that true, baby?

Eve: Well…well…

URL: I’ve heard enough. Cuff her.

(The human cop slaps a pair of handcuffs on Eve.)

Human Cop: You’re under arrest for possession of an illegal assault weapon.

Leela: Ahem…

Human Cop: Oh, and for trying to kill that cyclops lady.

(Leela looks at the cop scornfully.)

URL: When are you gonna learn, baby? Love makes the world go ‘round…not illegally possessed weapons.

Human Cop: I think you mean “hate”.

URL: Look, I talk in the sexy voice, you put the handcuffs on people, okay?

Human Cop: Whatever…(to Eve) You’re comin’ downtown, lady. (realizing) Well, actually, we’re already downtown. You’re just coming over a few blocks. Okay?

Eve: But I didn’t…

URL: Upp, upp, upp…case closed, baby. C’mon.

(The two of them drag Eve off. When they’re gone, the three crewmembers sigh collectively.)


Okay, I'm kind of disturbed by the fact that I just wrote all that sort of creepy (by my standards) stuff. I'd really love to hear what you guys have to say, as always. 

Urban Legend
« Reply #177 on: 01-21-2005 23:34 »

But where's the sucking chest wound? Where's the blood spray? You call this creepy? Wuss!

Bending Unit
« Reply #178 on: 01-21-2005 23:47 »

Ooh! Exciting drama and comedy! I am one happy sleep-deprived compulse typing maniac... who is also adorable.

I see what you mean by the randomness, but to me, that just makes it funny. URL and his sexy voice, yeah baby. You wrote him very well. Are you writing an epilogue to this?
Huzzah for the random appearance of Zoidberg! And you let him save the day! Whoo!

I love the pendulum, it's been a while since I've seen one a those.
 I love Fry chewing through the tape and Eve being all relaxed. Also, for some strange reason, Fry being called a toaster made laugh and feel shippy sadness at the same time, and then you hit me with Eve's wicked speech, and then,
Eve: (angrily) Look at yourself! You get to have parents, and a great job, and friends…and-and…a boyfriend…

Leela/Fry: (shocked/eager) Boyfriend?

(I exploded. It was gory. Just for you, Venus.)

You know, I may be looking a little too subtly here, but You, me, and a gun... and Fry (which cracked me up) reminds me of Lions and Tigers and bears, oh my! (Or maybe it's blindingly obvious.)

And nice touch about giving Leela the choice, but we'll never know what she would have chosen. (Well, you know, not for sure) Nice tease.


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #179 on: 01-21-2005 23:57 »

Venus: I think that, since I've been writing prose and stuff for Layla, I'm gonna have to write some sort of ultra gory thing for you. (Which I'm really incapable of doing, so, while writing, my head will probably explode.) Anyway, thanks for the disturbing comments.

Layla: You just gave me a great idea for an epilogue...I wasn't sure exactly which direction to go in with the ending, but now I know. See, you're such an inspiration! (I think I'm gonna acknowledge your (and others') input when I put this up on TLZ...thanks so much!) Nice to see that you enjoyed the appearance of Zoidberg (he had not one line in this whole thing, so I saw the need for it). Also, I have to say that you were looking sort of subtly with the you, me, and a gun thing...but kudos for looking at all. By the way, I don't even know what Leela's choice would have been. What do you think, out of curiosity?

Oh yeah, I'll most likely get my last part of this fic up tomorrow...hopefully.

Starship Captain
« Reply #180 on: 01-22-2005 01:01 »

Great work! I'm waiting for the next chapter. Keep up the good work.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #181 on: 01-22-2005 10:59 »

Thanks, Philip_J_Fry! I'm so glad to hear that you are enjoying this.

Well, this next part may be a bit harder to write, but it should be out some time today. Stay tuned!

Bending Unit
« Reply #182 on: 01-22-2005 11:50 »

Ooh, I'm all curious now about what the idea was. I was already curious about the epilogue of course.

Well, if she absolutely had to choose, I think she'd choose to save Fry over her own life. Not for romantic reasons, but for friendship, and I think she's quite brave and heroic, so even though she'd despise the idea of someone taking over her life, I think she'd save Fry. Of course, Eve would have had to kill Fry or brainwash him or something, because he'd know she wasn't Leela, and he'd never forgive her for killing Leela. That's my take on it anyway.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #183 on: 01-22-2005 15:07 »

@Layla: Eh, the other idea was nothing, really. It was just a little Fry/Leela moment (not shippy or anything...cause that's not what I was going for...just a moment). But I like the epilogue idea better, so that's what I'm working on.

Oh yeah, and, if I had chose to allow Leela to actually make her choice, I probably would have done the same thing you said, and for the same reason. But I decided not to do that, because it might seem too shippy or something, when that's really not the direction I was going for.

And on that note, this epilogue is actually really hard to write. But, I'm still hoping on getting it out today...

Bending Unit
« Reply #184 on: 01-22-2005 20:10 »

Brill! As I said, I somehow like Eve bunches (in a very disturbing way then, I guess). But I'm glad she didn't get away with her plot, considering that either way someone would die. No good. Fry was hilarious, too! You write him really well, I think.
Also, an epilogue would be great. I'll be waiting  :D

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #185 on: 01-22-2005 22:54 »
« Last Edit on: 01-22-2005 22:54 »

Thanks for you support, as always, AsaB! I'm so happy that you enjoyed Fry, because I always love writing him. Also, I've an ending for you right here, so here it is...



(Eve is standing in front of gray screen, wearing the usual striped prison garb. She faces the camera, but sheepishly avoids direct eye contact with the audience as a sort of creepy narrator guy…uh…narrates.)

Narrator (v.o.): Eve was arrested and her case went to trial shortly thereafter. She was convicted five minutes later when the honorable Judge Whitey decided that having one eye qualified Eve as being “evil”. Eve avoided a lengthy prison sentence by offering to polish the Judge’s collection of golden gavels, which she continues to do to this day.

(Cut to URL and the Human Cop in front of the same gray screen. They are facing the camera as well, but the two sheepishly avoid eye contact with both the audience and one another.)

Narrator (v.o.): Their jobs done, the two officers spent the rest of the evening at The Hot House of Mackerel and Exotic Dancing, where URL confused his partner for one sexy European PamAn-Bot. The rest of that evening is something the two would like to forget.

(Cut to Leela and Fry in front of the gray screen. Again, they avoid eye contact with the audience and each other as they face the camera.)

Narrator (v.o.): After the ordeal of almost being killed, Fry and Leela were both very tired. Fry offered Leela, quote, “A nice warm bed to sleep in”, so long as she didn’t mind his snoring. Leela answered Fry by, quote, “Kicking his ass”.

(Cut to Zoidberg in front of the gray screen. He looks dejected, and we see that he has a bandage wrapped around a great deal of his lower body and neck.)

Narrator (v.o.): After he heroically saved Fry and Leela, Dr. Zoidberg’s co-workers promised to spend more time with the crustacean. By Monday morning, they were ready to kill him.

Zoidberg: They slit my thorax, they did!

Narrator (v.o.): (agitated) Oh, would you shut up!

(A shoe zips in from off-screen and whacks Zoidberg in the head, knocking him out cold.)

Narrator (v.o.): That’s it, I’m outta here…



And there you have it. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Anyone want to take a final guess at the parody before I reveal the title? Huh, huh?

(P.S. I'm already working on my next fic, so hopefully you won't have to wait too long for that. Thanks as always for your comments and support, everyone. It means so much to me!)


Starship Captain
« Reply #186 on: 01-23-2005 01:12 »

Great story! Can't wait till your next fic. Keep up the good work! This was one of my favorite fanfictions.  :D

Starship Captain
« Reply #187 on: 01-23-2005 01:54 »

Wow, I completely forgot about this thread. Another great fanfic as usual, can't wait till the next one! Keep up the great work!  :)

Bending Unit
« Reply #188 on: 01-23-2005 19:47 »

Yay!!! The ending!! Oh, wait... Wahhh!!! It's over!!! (blubbers) Oh, wait! A new one is coming! Yay!!

This schizophenic moment brought to you by Dr.Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde brand shampoo. Great body and wild mood swings in one bottle!

Sorry... I'm snowed in.

I missed a Fry/Leela moment?! Wah!!! Me and my stubby fingers.

Seriously, I really enjoyed this Gorky, naturally. (I'm half quoting someone aren't I?)

I love the whole set up, it's really fun! Nice cameo with Judge Whitey, and I love his collection of golden gavels.

URL/Smitty: Great foreshadowing with the sheepish eye contact, and nice reference to the House of Mackeral... now we know why Zoidy was in the neighbourhood!

The Fry/Leela thing wasn't shippy (well, in a way it kinda was.) but it was hilarious and far more fitting for your story. I love it!!

And even the narrator hates Zoidberg. Perfect.

I can't wait for your next fic!! WHee!!

(blubbers, then throws a snowball.)


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #189 on: 01-24-2005 09:54 »
« Last Edit on: 01-24-2005 09:54 »

Okay, this should be up at TLZ in a day or two (I'm just trying to comb over this a little bit to squeeze in some more humor and punch up some stuff). Of course, you, my loyal readers, have already read it...just thought I'd mention it.

As for my new fic, I'm working on it as we speak, and I may be done with the first part either today or tomorrow. We'll have to see.

Oh yeah, and here's some more of these response thingies...

Philip_J_Fry: Thanks, as always. Was this seriously one of your favorite fics? I mean, their are about 1,000 other ones out there that are better than this, I think (Kryten's stuff, JBERGES' stuff, Layla's half-finished stuff, Venus's never-gonna-be-finished stuff (  ;))...and much more). You have no idea how happy that made me. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

zomit: Hey, welcome back! I must admit that I was wondering what happened to you (seeing as how you always encouraged me to keep writing). Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and thanks as always for your compliments.

Layla: Schizophrenia? I know the feeling. Oh yeah, and I guess I got pelted with the same storm you got up there...which is sort of neat in a "Damn, I can't get my car to start" way. Oh yeah, and that Fry/Leela moment wasn't all that shippy, so don't worry about it (although I'm enjoying the irony...a huge shipper inadvertently discouraged me to write a shippy ending). I'm so glad that you enjoyed the epilogue, especially since you're the one who encouraged me to write it. Also, I feel that you throwing the snowball is a metaphor for the fact that you want to, like, throw stuff at me or something. (Of course, that's what everyone wants to do, so no biggie).

And a huge thanks to everyone else who's read my stuff (Bergey, Venus, N-o-R...just everyone). You guys rock.

EDIT: Just read the PEELie nominations list, and Layla, Bergey, and Toungue Luck were nominated for best fanfictionist (as well as myself, but your guys' stuff wipes the floor with mine...like I said, you guys rock). Now I'm suffering from a dilemma: don't know who to vote for...you three guys are such fantastic writers. Good luck to you all. Oh yeah, and Venus and N-o-r were nominated, too. Venus for Best Female PEELer and N-o-R for Best New PEELer and Most Convincing. And T_L was nominated for Best Username. Good luck to all you guys.

Urban Legend
« Reply #190 on: 01-24-2005 10:11 »

Originally posted by Gorky:
Venus's never-gonna-be-finished stuff 

Hey! It's gonna be finished! At some point. Eventually. I wrote like three whole paragraphs last night!

Yay for new fic! What's it about?

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #191 on: 01-24-2005 10:14 »

I stand corrected. Three paragraphs? You rock! (Seriously though, I mean that in the nicest possible way...I just can't wait for more of your awesome stuff).

Oh yeah, and the new fic is about...this:

After discovering just how ineffective New New York's mayor is, the PE crew campaigns to get Fry elected in the upcoming race for mayor.

^Don't think that's been done before...

Urban Legend
« Reply #192 on: 01-24-2005 10:25 »

i've read a lot of fics and i can safely say that's never been done.

And as for waiting for my stuff i've decided to cave to you guys. At some point in the near future, probably right around when Layla finishes her currant fic, i'm gonna start my own thread and start releasing my fic by chapters instead of all at once, cause as JBERGES pointed out, very few people are gonna wanna read a 60+ page fic all in one go. People may avoid the fic entirly if it seems too long.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #193 on: 01-24-2005 10:32 »

First off, I trust your expertise as far as my new fic idea goes. Thanks for that.

Also, I knew you'd cave in sooner or later! We just kept wearing you down...it was bound to happen.  :p Seriously, though, I'm glad to hear that. JBERGES had a point--even though there are lots of people out there who would read 60+ pages, there are also a lot of people who wouldn't. I think releasing it in chapters (and moreso, actually letting us all see more of it) is the right way to go, for sure. Great news.

Of course, now we have to pressure Layla to finish her fic...

Urban Legend
« Reply #194 on: 01-24-2005 10:37 »

I don't think we need to pressure her all to much. Like i've complained before: she's written more in 4 months than i have in a year and a half. She'll finish.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #195 on: 01-24-2005 10:42 »
« Last Edit on: 01-24-2005 10:42 »

Yeah, I know...just a little joke. Seriously, I'm still amazed that Layla manages to write so much so quickly, and keep the quality of each new chapter on the same level. That takes talent...and is incredibly annoying to me as well, because she and JBERGES set this sort of standard for me that I want to adhere to: each new thing you write should be better than what you've written before it. Tough to do (and I'm not sure if I do it well enough), but a great example for every writer to follow.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #196 on: 01-24-2005 11:34 »

Forgive the double-post, but I've managed to write the first part of my new fic. Here it is...


Opening Caption: Futurama: Insulting your lack of intelligence since 1999.

(We open on a shot of the Planet Express Building, morning. Cut inside the building to the lounge. Fry, Leela, and Bender are sitting on the couch, watching the morning news with Linda and Morbo.)

(We cut to the TV screen. Morbo is wrapping up another one of his “charming” speeches.)

Morbo: And that is why Morbo isn’t allowed to volunteer at the S.P.C.A. anymore. Thank you.

(Linda laughs her usual laugh. When she is done, a graphic over her head appears. It reads “Mayoral Race 3005”.)

Linda: Well, today is January 2. And we all know what that means.

Morbo: Only three more days until Morbo’s sentencing?

Linda: No, silly! It means that there are only 10 more months until New New Yorkers elect our next mayor. And, because this is a news station dedicated to informing but mostly annoying the public, we will begin our coverage of the election right now. We have with us the incumbent mayoral candidate, Mayor Poopenmeyer.

(Cut back to Fry, Leela, and Bender.)

Fry: (snickering) Poopenmeyer…

(Cut back to the TV screen. Linda and Morbo are facing the mayor, seated to the right of Linda.)

Linda: Mr. Mayor, this year you are running for an unprecedented 15th term as mayor. What do you have to say to those who think you should throw in the towel?

Poopenmeyer: Well, Linda, let me ask you this. Did Richard Nixon throw in the towel? Did Al Gore throw in the towel? Did Ross Perot throw in the towel?

Morbo: Actually, they did. But Morbo understands your point.

(Linda giggles stupidly, as we cut back to Fry, Leela, and Bender. Just as we do, Hermes walks into the room and stands beside the couch.)

Hermes: What are you three loonies doing?

Fry: We were watching TV, until you walked right in front of it.

Hermes: I’m over here, mon! (Hermes waves)

Fry: Well now you tell me.

Bender: What do you want, guy who isn’t Bender and thus is a waste of my time?

Hermes: You three got a special delivery to make to the Mayor’s office. It’s a bunch of stuff he needs for his reelection campaign.

Leela: Why does an interplanetary delivery service need to make a delivery to a place that’s five blocks away?

Hermes: Beats me…but dat’s what dis form says. (He holds up a form attached to a clipboard) And you know I gotta listen to da form.

Leela: Good point. (She turns to Fry and Bender) Okay, you guys, let’s go.

Fry: Do we have to?

Bender: Nah. Nag-arella can do it herself.

(Leela narrows her eye, then turns to Hermes.)

Leela: May I?

Hermes: Go ahead.

(Hermes hands Leela his clipboard, which she uses to whack both Fry and Bender over the head with. Satisfied with herself, Leela hands the clipboard back to Hermes.)

Leela: Thanks.


I know it's short, but I just thought I'd post it. So, what did you all think?


Bending Unit
« Reply #197 on: 01-24-2005 16:42 »

First, the epilogue was brill. Loved how everyone was not looking into the camera (loved the URL and Smitty bit!), hilarious. The Fry and Leela bit was also great, especially the nice, warm bed line  :D So, just a great ending.

And the new fic looks very promising! I can sense a funny fic coming on. I mean, seriously, Fry as the mayor? Somehow that's just bound to be good.

Urban Legend
« Reply #198 on: 01-24-2005 20:23 »

Yay! It really read like something from an ep! I'm actually surprised Nag-arella wasn't something the writers thought up.
Fry´s Lady

Bending Unit
« Reply #199 on: 01-24-2005 20:28 »

Wow! Nice fanfics!
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