"I Hate Waiting in Line to Die" - Best (Non-Death) Lines of Season 7A

[on:]

Last year, flesheatingbull started a thread for the best 6B lines; since 7A has official begun, I figured I might as well piggyback on that excellent idea and start a thread for best lines of this season.

In addition to the one quoted in the thread title, here are a few good'ns from "A Farewell to Arms":

"I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn."

"It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence."

"I'll be alive, in her heart. But really, I'll be dead."

[Reply #1 on:]

"Get lost, Zoidberg!"
"I am lost."

[Reply #2 on:]

"It's just as I only now began to fear!"

[Reply #3 on:]

I wish I could remember with my boobs!

[Reply #4 on:]

"Look! It has Slurm Loco! It's the extremeiest!"

[Reply #5 on:]

Wipe my shiny metal ass!

[Reply #6 on:]

Wipe my shiny metal ass!

Tiny metal ass.

[Reply #7 on:]

"So... you all done with the computer?"

"I wish I could remember with my boobs."

[Reply #8 on:]

"That frightened little girl reminds me of Fry"

[Reply #9 on:]

"It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence."

"It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible!"
[The surroundings rumble and shake, the Professor jumps into the seat next to Bender.]
"They've had their chance, let's go!"

[Reply #10 on:]

He's so cute... wait... no he isn't! He looks like Bender!

[Reply #11 on:]

"As a solemn testicle to those left behind."  WTF!

[Reply #12 on:]

"Get your lack of hands off my boy!"

"That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!"

"It's just not possible to get you to Bending School this year."
[Fry enteres the cockpit.]
"Or is there?"

[Reply #13 on:]

"I need to loosen up.  Gimme a screwdriver."

"As long as I have a kid to neglect, I'm happy!"

[Reply #14 on:]

"We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there."

[Slowly and monotonously.] "People will wait for something good..."

"Yeah, you explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand, and that appealed to me, for whatever reason."

"Excellent, now listen, we've gotta get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up! You know who McGovern was, right?"
"I don't even know who you are."

"Hey, what's that rifling sound?"

"Well, what'd you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger?!"

"Scoop Chang, Fox quote unquote News. Senator, in the last ten seconds I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges?"

[Reply #15 on:]

"Didn't you all leave Mars?"

"Yes. I just came back for my stuff."

[Reply #16 on:]

Petunia holds a sign that says: "You can't spell 'Travers' without 'E.T.'!"

[Reply #17 on:]

"That was my favorite window!"

[Reply #18 on:]

"As a solemn testicle to those left behind."  WTF!

That was probably the worst line of that episode. Totally unnecessary, it felt like one of those lines they wrote just to test the censors.

[Reply #19 on:]

You mean to testicle the censors.

Seriously, though, I agree that that's a dumb line.

[Reply #20 on:]

Was it not just an example of Zapp getting words wrong/pronouncing them wrong?

[Reply #21 on:]

It may be a dumb line, but I think it's hilarious.

[Reply #22 on:]

There are a lot of lines like that in new Futurama... lines that are crude, unsubtle, and really not very funny. V-Giny, anyone? That would never have made the original run.

I think the tighter censorship on FOX actually forced the writers to be more clever when they wanted to make a dirty joke. Now that that's gone, it's too easy to just make the joke be openly about something crude. So now we have Zapp just saying the word "testicle" instead of (in my opinion) more hilarious things like the Kegelcizer, or that line about how "we've all seen too many body bags and ball sacks".

[Reply #23 on:]

Is it just me or is the world ending more often these days?

[Reply #24 on:]

"Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide."

Also, 'cause you all love it so much:

Show spoiler

[Reply #25 on:]

Wanna Join The Balcony Club?

[/most random pick-up line ever]

[Reply #26 on:]

Two of Nixon's from D3012:

I feel a jowl movement coming on!

Sexual predator? Draft dodger? Sex dodger?

[Reply #27 on:]

"Wow, aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them."

"Okay, okay, that's enough. I'm trying to enjoy a nice day out with the actors who play my TV family."

"Bah! I can't not work like this."

"Once again, television has given me a reason to live."

"A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50 foot high force field around his house."
"One 60 foot ladder, please."

[Reply #28 on:]

"Honored guests... and Kif."

"Brilliant, isn't I?"

Gosh, there's so many great lines from ZD.  I can't even remember all the ones I tried to remember to write here!

[Reply #29 on:]

Zapp can say anything and it's quote worthy as long as you do it in his voice.

Parmesan Cheese [Par-mesian Cheese-a]

[Reply #30 on:]

The bonds of holy macaroni.

[Reply #31 on:]

"There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me... daddy."

[Reply #32 on:]

Zapp's proposal to Munda--"Will I marry you?"--tickled me so, mainly because it can be taken two ways: either Zapp is so self-absorbed that he values the fact that he's proposing to someone over the fact that she has to accept, or he's just an idiot who doesn't know how to propose to a lady. Both fine options, both terribly amusing.

[Reply #33 on:]

Already mentioned this in another thread, but; "Leela, you never told me you had a mother!"

"Kif, return fire! And the cake."

Also Zapp wheezing out "Do I know you?" as he collapsed to the ground after Morris punched him was pretty hilarious.

[Reply #34 on:]

"You're too old to be happy!" It's funny 'cause it's true.

[Reply #35 on:]

"Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? Morris punches Zapp in the stomach". I cracked up on that one!  

Munda We still have a cake.

Zoidberg Half a cake! Burps out cake piece

[Reply #36 on:]

"Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificant bastard <wink>, do you take Munda to be your lawful...." <--- I LOL'd at this line

[Reply #37 on:]

"There's a humungous fungus among us!"

[Reply #38 on:]

Sex with Zapp!

[Reply #39 on:]

Bender says "Shut up Zoidberg!  Oh, how I wish you were a husk!"   I'm already using this one in real life.   Pity no one gets it.....

I also like Bender's "I lost 2 straight hands to the Borax Kid."