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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 29096 times)
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SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #200 on: 07-16-2004 03:23 »
« Last Edit on: 07-16-2004 03:23 »

Listen Jerkward, just because your writing has the power to summon lesbians (ancient pagan incantations, I say), doesn't mean I gonna forgive you for the various slight's that you've hidden using double speak and word play throughtout your latest gut wrenching, spleen strangling, sphincter blockage causing piece of 'writing.'

     
Quote
"You Shellfish bastard!"

You knew... some how you knew that puns are like hammerblows to the temple for me!

     
Quote
Zapp (ignoring that): My darling Leela, when will you realize exactly how much love I have for you?

Leela (sardonic): Oh? Exactly how much love is that, Zapp?

Zapp (taken off guard): Uh… eighteen?

And now, through what might seem to a lesser man a clever bit of absurdism, you are insinuating that I'll never develop beyond the mental age of eighteen. You KNEW that I was proud of being nineteen, because I got to sing Aussie Vietnam war pub anthems, and to stop me from ever enjoying my rightful place as a rickety old man. Well, I'll achieve senility just to spite you!

 
Quote
Zapp (improvising): Um… eighteen… love… hertz?
 

I actually missed this one, but one of your little cronies pointed it out just to spite me. I know you're all in cahoots!

   
Quote
Amy (aghast): mutters in Cantonese

We all know she said "May SlackJaw be mauled by rabid squirrels every day for a thousand years, in such a painful manner so as to cause the Devil himself to smirk."

     
Quote
Zapp (clearly worried) Oh, frig it…

Another pun. I'm putting red ants in your pillow.

If one were to look past the glaring insults shieking at me from every word, one could almost fool themselves into thinking that this was an accomplished bit of writing, with some clever foreshadowing, and good use of humour in all cases.

But I'm onto you little man... I'll not rest until your head is hanging from my battlements!  (porch roof).

TOTP ultimate venom spewing dance.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #201 on: 07-16-2004 03:33 »

hey! Not every girl his writings summon are lesbians! But then again, i am a virgin so as far as he's concerned i might as well be a lesbian.

haha all of JBERGES groupies are unattainable!
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #202 on: 07-16-2004 08:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus: But then again, I am a virgin so as far as he's concerned I might as well be a lesbian.

(purrs) We can help you out with that...c'mon, convert to the purple side  big grin
I'm just kidding. JBERGES has the god-like power to summon all unattainable women.

If you don't eat meat, you'll break out in vaginas.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #203 on: 07-16-2004 08:43 »
« Last Edit on: 07-16-2004 08:43 »

I'm all sorts attainable! (Though not a woman. Not really.) I'm just not in high demand... right now. (Just wait 'til I'm loaded. Rich guys don't need to be lady killers.)

In fact, being one of the few straight regular Bergey fans (well not that few, but I love a band wagon) has got me feeling all lonely. Due to my weak will and easily led ways, I've got no choice to come out just for this thread.

I think we all know what's coming next.

JBERGES!
I'm GAY! For YOU!
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #204 on: 07-16-2004 09:05 »

I noticed that you did that thing where someone says, "I can't wait 'til we get to the marshmallow planet!" and it's immediately followed by "cut to: marshmallow planet
Fry: So, how 'bout this marshmallow planet?" a couple times. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, and I don't think you overused it. Just thought I'd point it out before you did overuse it in later chapters. Now for more specific comments.
 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:

Leela (cynical):  Amazing.  A genius one second, a senile old man using stool softener the next.

Fry:  I still don’t think that stuff is necessary (He sits on a nearby stool, which gives way under his weight until he’s on the floor)  …though that was fun.

Amazing. A poop joke one second, a pun the next.

 
Quote
Leela:  Speaking of which, don’t go wreaking havoc with the Preventatron.  It frightens me thinking of what’s possible with that thing.  I don't want you randomly appearing in my shower or something.

(Fry briefly considers the possibilities)
(...as does Tongue Luck, now that she's been outed and revealed as a cartoon-wanking perv)

 
Quote
Fry:  Well, I started thinking about what it would be like to “fade away”.  Creeped me out.

Leela:  Wait. So you did understand what the Professor was talking about?

Fry:  A little.  That fading away thing stuck with me though, I don't know why…

I wonder if something is going to come of this later or if it was just a reason for him to have not tried the Preventatron the night before. It reminds me of a similar line used in RTEW, which is something of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it makes me think, "Well, okay. That's in character." On the other hand, the exchange felt like a nod to a joke in the canon without being a joke itself (or did I just not get it?) and thus left me a little cold.

 
Quote
Zapp: (stepping between them)  Well, well, Leela.  This is quite an erotic surprise. Titillating, even.  Or maybe it’s an erogenous surprise...

Kif (to Amy and Fry)Sigh ...he found my thesaurus yesterday.
I have nothing of substance to say to this. Just liked it.

 
Quote
Amy (aghast): mutters in Cantonese
And JBERGES elevates himself another step above the bulk of the fanfic community by not saying "mutters in Martian."

 
Quote
Zapp (already laughing):  And so I say to the waiter, “Bon appetite?  I’d like to bone a petite… woman!”  Ahahahaha!  (he slaps his thigh)
I think that's actually superior to "I have studied abroad... or two!" Well done.

 
Quote
Leela (oozing sarcasm): Ohh... it’s wonderful. It reeeally Engelberts my Humperdinck.  We should do this more often.
Hey, my favorite underused runner! I'll take "This Wangs Chun!" over "Sweet hog of Prague!" any day.

 
Quote
Woman (confused):  A frigate?

Amphibion (surprised): A frigate?!
Exactly. And with that, I was off to dictionary.com. How dare you improve my vocabulary?

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shaucker
 
Quote
I’ve determined that Tongue Luck is pretty cool. Him and I share the same specific taste in women apparently…(notices gender symbol) Uh…that is…She and I share…the…again? EL! Shaucker! What’s going on here?!
Unbeknowst to most people, lesbianism has a form that is contagious through airborne contact.
Speak for yourself! I caught the dreaded Lesbian Virus while lifting some infected weights. While wearing a camo t-shirt, boxers, and big, clunky boots. And sporting a buzz cut. And checking out the chick using the leg extension machine. Okay, maybe I was always doomed. I blame the pagan incantations.

Hey, if anything, I can be lesbian ambassador to the shippers (or vice versa), since it seems like I'm the only one who fits into both catagories. Am I breaking some unwritten law? It feels like government officials are about to show up at my door to revoke my gay card.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #205 on: 07-16-2004 09:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Tongue Luck:Hey, if anything, I can be lesbian ambassador to the shippers (or vice versa), since it seems like I'm the only one who fits into both catagories. Am I breaking some unwritten law? It feels like government officials are about to show up at my door to revoke my gay card.

I'm a lesbian Fry/Leela shipper too, as is Gilby and Lunchie (methinks). It's allowed as long as you still think of Leela naked. smile

You have your gay card already? God, they wont let me have as much as a permit until have enough to buy army boots and a tattoo...they're still harping on me for not having a masculine enough haircut.


If you don't eat meat, you'll break out in vaginas.
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #206 on: 07-16-2004 10:48 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Zapp (improvising):  Um… eighteen… love… hertz?

Love Hurts?  big grin That's the best pun I've heard since... since the last time I praised one of your puns, actually.  Great work as always!
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #207 on: 07-16-2004 11:01 »
« Last Edit on: 07-16-2004 11:01 »

I know I'm not 'unattainable..'
So long as you're pretty and buy me things
And anyway, don't listen to SlackJaw's blitherypoop. The villain always says that to the hero.. Fappo!
Awesome work as usual, JBERGES! You made me laugh aloud more than once with your confounded saucy puns. I suppose I should stop gushing about how in-character everyone is.. But you're very good at that, and it's always been true.
Shaucker's right. After all, just because I'm gay, thay doesn't mean I don't appreciate straight relationships. Especially Fry and Leela. At the very least they deserve one another. And that doesn't rule out any Leela/Amy just friends spooning...
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #208 on: 07-17-2004 09:08 »

Whoops! I'm not sure how that stupid idea got into my head, but it was obviously completely wrong. Can I blame the wizards?

It looks like my dreams of being an ambassador are crushed! I guess I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and learn a language. Or I could stow away in the baggage compartment of a plane headed for Italy and scream about diplomatic immunity until someone believes me. Yes. That should work just fine.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #209 on: 07-18-2004 18:22 »
« Last Edit on: 07-18-2004 18:22 »

Wow... I have a lot to respond to.  I'll do it in a completely random and unorganized manor:
   
Quote
Originally posted by Shaucker:
 That's great, and only took me two or three reads to get. Where did you steal that gem from?
As far as I know, I’ve stolen nothing.  In fact, (fun author’s side note) That joke was written even before work on “The Bearer of Bad News” began.  I needed a place to put it, though.
   
Quote
Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron: I'm putting red ants in your pillow.
But how would you get to my pillow?
   
Quote
JBERGES! I'm GAY! For YOU!
Nice try, Slacky.  The old “Turn the straight guy gay so I can put red ants in his pillow after gay sex” trick has been tried before. Well it’s not gonna work!!
   
Quote
Originally posted by boingo2000:
 Love Hurts?     big grin That's the best pun I've heard since... since the last time I praised one of your puns, actually.  Great work as always!
Thanks.  And here’s the kicker.  I improvised that line during a humorous conversation with my girlfriend.  I found myself so funny that I had to include it here.

@ EL:  Fappo?  That’s a cool word.  I’m going to use it for no apparent reason all the time now…uh…what does it mean?
   
Quote
Originally posted by Tongue Luck:
I wonder if something is going to come of this later or if it was just a reason for him to have not tried the Preventatron the night before. It reminds me of a similar line used in RTEW, which is something of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it makes me think, "Well, okay. That's in character." On the other hand, the exchange felt like a nod to a joke in the canon without being a joke itself (or did I just not get it?) and thus left me a little cold.
Besides giving Fry a reason not to use the Preventatron, and playing a small part in the plot to come, it was also a little nod to The Why of Fry, where Fry did in fact fade away.  It wasn’t really meant to be caught though, but if you did I hoped it would make you think a few things.  Could Fry have remembered fading away after Nibbler erased his memory?  Is the Fry that exists now the same Fry as the Fry that faded away, or is that one different and gone forever?  If so, what happened to the first one? This story doesn't plan on answering these questions, or even addressing them, really.  But it's something to think about as the plot gets going...

Also, TL, I'm particularly fond of that bone a petite line as well, so thanks.

Furthermore, I’m glad I’m bringing puns into favorable view around here.  They’re a hard crop to sell.  Part 4 hasn’t been started yet.  I’ll shoot for next Sunday, but who knows, maybe it will be earlier (or much later).  Stay tuned…

EDIT: Fappo!
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #210 on: 07-18-2004 22:46 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
  Is the Fry that exists now the same Fry as the Fry that faded away, or is that one different and gone forever?

This is why I hate people who understand paradoxical situations. That's waaaay too much to think about.  laff

If you don't eat meat, you'll break out in vaginas.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #211 on: 07-18-2004 23:13 »

Hurray! i'm smart enough to get the Why of Fry refference! In your face everyone who ever said i wasn't observant!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #212 on: 07-22-2004 17:07 »
« Last Edit on: 07-22-2004 17:07 »

We are all very proud of you, Venus.

This was rather difficult for me to write; the middle act in a three act play if you will.  Hope it's up to par, it's tough to judge your own work. Luckily, it's all downhill from here writing wise for me, though, and I'm thinking the breaks between the next two parts won’t be as long as they've been recently.  So anyways, I hope you like it:
_____________________________ ____________
Part 4

(The frigate docks with the Zoftig.  The sound of a door opening is heard, followed by footsteps, and soon the dining hall is rushed with aliens.  These beings are of average height, blue, and have scaly skin much like the Omnicronians.  However, their bodies are about half the width.  All are armed heavily, forcing all of the partygoers to freeze) 

Invader 1 (harsh) :  Party’s over!

Man 1 (dejected):  Oh… (he takes off his party hat)

(A pompous looking invader strides confidently up to Zapp, who is now standing)

Leader:  So, Captain Brannigan, we meet again.

Zapp (snide):  Hello… Flarx.

Flarx:  It took some effort, but I have finally caught up to you when you were vulnerable.  Don’t think I’ve forgotten the mockery DOOP has made of the Grivakk.  Your battalion was responsible for our failed invasion.  You are to blame for our failure, and you will be punished severely!  (to his subordinates)  Let the civilians go, he’s the only one we want. 

(Guns pointed at civilians lower; some stay frozen while others dart for the escape pods)

Leela (whispering)  Zapp, I recommend doing something for once, or you’re dead.

Zapp:  Are you kidding?  Grivakks are evil!  And not just, “planet has natural resources” evil, mind you.  These are legitimate enemies.  Hell, I don’t even know how- 

Flarx (menacing):  Silence!  You shall be tortured beyond pain itself, and I will thoroughly enjoy every minute of it.  I’ve even rented one of those little popcorn making carts for the event.

Zapp (delighted):  Ooh! Can I have some?

Flarx:  Your torture shall not include popcorn!

Zapp:  Oh. (to himself):  Kif, where are you, you little green coward?

(Cut to escape pod number four.  As the pod door opens some of the party goers recklessly dive in, landing square on Kif and Amy, who are using the pod as a make-out chamber.  Amy tirades in Cantonese, but the door slams shut, blocking her voice from audibility.  The capsule jettisons)

Flarx:  So, captain Brannigan.  How is this going to happen?  The easy way (gestures towards the hall that leads to the docking bay), or the hard way.. (cocks his pistol)

Zapp (panicky):  Uh… define “is”

Flarx:  That is irrelevant!

Zapp:  Define “irrelevant”

Flarx:  You should know what that is!

Zapp:  Define “is”

Flarx (vicious):  Take him away!

Zapp (Shatner-drama):  Do what you must to me!  Just don’t hurt my chestacular love-dove Leela!

Leela: Zapp, normally you should be in front of me while saying that…

(Camera zooms out to show Zapp is basically using Leela as a human shield, cowering away from Flarx’s gun)

Leela (suddenly aware she’s been jeopardized)  But I should be going now…

Flarx (shrewd):  So…Captain, you are attached to the one-eyed woman before you…(evil chuckle) Take them both…

Leela:  No! (she is seized) 

( The Grivakks exit the room; two of the last ones dragging Zapp and Leela out of the dining room and down the hall)

Flarx:  You will watch her die first, Captain Brannigan.

Zapp:  (sigh)Then can I have popcorn?

Flarx:  No!

Zapp (Shatner):  You… monsters!

(Further down the hall, Fry casually and obliviously exits the Men’s room just in time to see Leela being dragged off by the Grivakks.  She catches sight of him)

Leela (frantic):  Fry, do something!  They’re going to kill us- (she disappears around the corner)

(The last Grivakk stares Fry down with his gun, then exits the hall)

Fry:  Oh my God!

(He follows the hallway to where the last Grivakk exited, rounding the corner to find an empty docking bay.  The airlock door shuts, and the sound of the frigate disengaging echoes through the chamber.  With a jolt, Fry exits the room and doubles back towards the bathroom.  Once inside, he pulls out the Preventatron from his pants pocket.  He looks at it for a second)

Fry:  I really didn’t want to have to need to do this…(He sighs, then hits the button.)

*Flash*


7:30 …  7:29 … 7:28 … 7:27 … 7:26 … 7:25

*Flash*

(Fry #2 materializes in an otherwise empty bathroom.  He checks the Preventatron display.  It reads 4:56, and is counting down.)

Fry #2:  OK, I should be here any second.  I just need to tell myself to get Leela to safety before something bad happens… I guess.

(Cut to:  Fry #1 lazily strolling towards the bathroom, he blearily enters, and sees himself across the room)

Fry #1 (startled):  Holy crap!

(Camera pans, Fry is looking into the bathroom mirror)

Fry #1: Oh.

(He turns to see Fry #2 standing right next to him)

Fry #1 (startled): Holy crap!  (pause) What up?

Fry #2 (serious): We’ve got to do something, right now!  Something very bad is going to happen in four minutes!  You need to get Leela away from whoever those blue aliens are that about to get on this ship!

Fry #1:  Uh…OK. (realizing) So wait, you used the Preventatron?!  But…but…that means you…

Fry #2  (resigned):  Well, I think Leela would do the same for us.  And besides, the consequences are my problem, not yours, right?

Fry #1 (confused):  I’m not following you…

Fry #2:  No, I’m not following you.

Fry #1: Huh?

(Fry #2 throws him out of the door)

Fry #2:  Hurry up!

Fry #1:  Wait, why aren’t you coming with me?

Fry #2 (frustrated):  Think about it.  Two Frys will need more explaining than necessary, and that takes time.  Now go, and let me fade into oblivion in peace…

Fry #1 (uneasy):  OK… (he heads down the hallway)

(Fry #2 calmly sits down against the wall on the tile floor, locking his arms around his knees)

Fry #2 (softly): She’d come back for me…
__________________________

Part five sometime within a week.


And meanwhile, I’ve been working on music for Idan Aharoni’s fan based game, so have a listen-

An improved and extended version of the first piece I posted:
 http://www.audiostreet.net/newmedia/EBC7F99E4C174D8CA6ED0D07943D37CF/Down         load/futurama_song_1_v_2.mp3

Puzzle solving music:
 http://www.audiostreet.net/newmedia/05A623859C8041CD851B003584F94DDD/Downl         oad/futurama_song_2_v4.mp3

copy links into address bar instead of clicking, of course
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #213 on: 07-22-2004 18:54 »

Gasp! Gasp and horror! I hope Fry can save her, and i hope there's plenty of shippy!
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #214 on: 07-22-2004 18:57 »

Yay! The second part thoroughly confused me, but all in all, chestacular as usual.
CrazyDoc

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #215 on: 07-22-2004 19:50 »

Hey, I liked that! The Scary Door sequence was great, and that Dicto-Gram thingy sounds pretty neat. Keep at it.
Birdbot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #216 on: 07-22-2004 21:54 »

 laff A magnificent new story JBERGES, there are so many parts I found funny that I won't list them all here. This part is certainly above par. Also, I can't find anything to be corrected.  cool
zomit

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #217 on: 07-22-2004 22:29 »

Great story, JBERGES. It was well worth the wait. I'm looking forward to the next part.  smile
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #218 on: 07-22-2004 23:15 »
« Last Edit on: 07-22-2004 23:15 »

More plot driven then your usual outings, Bergey.

Which isn't to say it didn't make me chuckle... 
Quote
Are you kidding? Grivakks are evil! And not just, “planet has natural resources” evil, mind you.
Heh heh heh...

Hmm... have we seen the last of Fry #2? This does, of course, harken back to Why of Fry, where we are never really sure what happened to 'our' Fry... I curious to see whether you build upon this..


Also, good to have you aboard the game project, Bergey! Just call me puzzle meister!
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #219 on: 07-22-2004 23:25 »

i'm curious to see whats gonna happen next i really like it so far
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #220 on: 07-23-2004 12:12 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Invader 1 (harsh) :  Party’s over!

Man 1 (dejected):  Oh… (he takes off his party hat)

Loved it.  smile

 
Quote
Flarx (menacing):  Silence!  You shall be tortured beyond pain itself, and I will thoroughly enjoy every minute of it.  I’ve even rented one of those little popcorn making carts for the event.

Zapp (delighted):  Ooh! Can I have some?

Flarx:  Your torture shall not include popcorn!

Loved it more.  big grin

 
Quote
Flarx:  So, captain Brannigan.  How is this going to happen?  The easy way (gestures towards the hall that leads to the docking bay), or the hard way.. (cocks his pistol)

Zapp (panicky):  Uh… define “is”

Flarx:  That is irrelevant!

Zapp:  Define “irrelevant”

Flarx:  You should know what that is!

Zapp:  Define “is”

Loved it most!  laff

 
Quote
Fry #2 (serious): We’ve got to do something, right now!  Something very bad is going to happen in four minutes!  You need to get Leela away from whoever those blue aliens are that about to get on this ship!

Fry #1:  Uh…OK. (realizing) So wait, you used the Preventatron?!  But…but…that means you…

Fry #2  (resigned):  Well, I think Leela would do the same for us.  And besides, the consequences are my problem, not yours, right?

Fry #1 (confused):  I’m not following you…

Fry #2:  No, I’m not following you.

Fry #1: Huh?

And now I'm confused.  confused But, up until you started asking me to use my brain for thinking (of all the nerve!) I enjoyed it immensly (or however that's spelt).  Great, as always!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #221 on: 07-23-2004 16:48 »
« Last Edit on: 07-23-2004 16:48 »

     
Quote
Originally posted by CrazyDoc:
Hey, I liked that! The Scary Door sequence was great, and that Dicto-Gram thingy sounds pretty neat. Keep at it.
*blink*

uh...thanks?  Glad my older work is still reaching an audience.  As for everyone else, thanks for showing your support (Welcome back Birdbot).  Yes, this story is going to be a bit more plot driven.  And yes, there may be some shippy as well; it depends how I play with the details I'm working on.  We'll see.

@Boingo/EL: What exactly confused you?  Maybe I can help before the next part comes out.  Or maybe my rambling will make things worse.

And also, to avoid going off topic in another thread:

     
Quote
Originally posted by Venus in quote game thread:
*tapes picture of JBERGES face on James Marsters' body* Now that's what i call perfection!        love

I’ve never been so flattered… yet slightly perturbed.  Especially if you actually did that.      big grin  Moreover, what’s his body got that mine doesn’t?  Muscles? Pfft!  If you want muscles, find an Italian restaurant that serves them!


P.S.  Microsoft Word kept wanting to change "chestacular" into "testicular".  I found that amusing in the most immature way.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #222 on: 07-23-2004 17:02 »
« Last Edit on: 07-23-2004 17:02 »

It's the "create a diversion so no one notices I double posted dance"!

Tap.  Tap.  Tappa-Tappa-Tappa.  Tappa hop step kick.  Tappity-tappity-stomp.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #223 on: 07-23-2004 17:09 »
« Last Edit on: 07-23-2004 17:09 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
P.S.  Microsoft Word kept wanting to change "chestacular" into "testicular".  I found that amusing in the most immature way.

Tee, hee, hee... Now I'm compelled to try that out myself (yes, I'm that immature).

Anyway, I've read what you have so far and it's great.

Oh, and...

 
Quote
Not every girl his writings summon are lesbians!

Including me (I mean that I am, in fact, straight). I know that that didn't need to be said, but [BENDER]Hey, everyone else was doin' it! I just wanted to be popular[/BENDER]

Okay, I'm done. I'll show myself out...
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #224 on: 07-23-2004 22:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
  I mean that I am, in fact, straight.

.....not for long...

Muahahahahahaha!

(oh, and I love the story so far.)
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #225 on: 07-23-2004 22:56 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Zapp: Are you kidding? Grivakks are evil! And not just, “planet has natural resources” evil, mind you. These are legitimate enemies. Hell, I don’t even know how-

I likes, I likes. Great content so far! I am not lesbian - but through a series of sex-changing operations it could become a reality.  wink
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #226 on: 07-24-2004 02:46 »

JBERGES: Four out of five groupies prefer women.
You know. Like we're... dentists. And women are... Crest... whitening... maybe? I wish I was funny.

 
Quote
originally posted by JBERGES
Zapp (Shatner-drama):  Do what you must to me!  Just don’t hurt my chestacular love-dove Leela!
I love that to death. Shatner-drama and chestacular love-dove. Brilliant! I also think it's neat that Brannigan's thing (for lack of a better word--bow before my eloquence) for Leela is being used to move the plot.

 
Quote
Fry:  I really didn’t want to have to need to do this…(He sighs, then hits the button.)
Want to have to need to. I dig that.

 
Quote
Fry #1 (startled):  Holy crap!

(Camera pans, Fry is looking into the bathroom mirror)

Fry #1: Oh.

(He turns to see Fry #2 standing right next to him)

Fry #1 (startled): Holy crap!  (pause) What up?
Hee! Very nice.

 
Quote
(Fry #2 calmly sits down against the wall on the tile floor, locking his arms around his knees)

Fry #2 (softly): She’d come back for me…
Aww! That's so... I'm suffering from a lack of adjectives right now. But whatever it is, I like it. She totally would, too. Please make it shippy! You're good at the shippy. It's actually like the show instead of going the, "And then Fry and Leela got married and moved into a big sparkly well-furnished apartment and had twelve kids who all invented cures for horrible diseases and became rock stars and Fry and Leela stayed deeply in love until they were 160, at which point they became the first couple ever to share a room in the near death star because their love is just that shiny" route.

On a broader note, excellent installment. I laughed quite a bit, I'm already anxious for the next part, and I can't find anything to nitpick about. And not just 'cause all my previous nitpicks have been proven wrong-headed and silly. No, it's truly awesome all-around. Gold star.
Nosebleed

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #227 on: 07-24-2004 19:13 »

Wow. After roughly six pages of great fanfics, comments and discussions about various PEELer's sexuality, I must say I'm impressed. Very. Now, as an impressed stranger with inferiour vocabulary (among other things), I have really, REALLY no idea what I'm trying to say here. Must be that thing I ate. Moving along: 
Very nice work JBERGES. Keep it up, and I'm looking forwards to the end of the 3rd story, and hopefully other as well written fanfics.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #228 on: 07-25-2004 22:37 »
« Last Edit on: 07-26-2004 00:00 »

Thanks TL, and welcome Nosebleed.  Glad I can make your day just the slightest bit better. And it's nice to see M0le and Gorky stopping by as well. You guys is all right. A couple things about these next two parts.  First, I’m afraid to say, I dusted off the cobwebs on that big knob that says “Comedy”, and I turned it down a notch.  (uh… Un-Bam!).  I apologize for the inconvenience.  Second, this is where things start to get confusing.  I recommend you re-read part 4, and maybe even part 3 to refresh your memory of who said what and where. Other than that, hope you like it. 

_____________________________ ___
Part 5


(Cut to:  Fry #1 jogging down the hallway.  He enters the dining room just in time to see Kif and Amy scurry off.  He pauses briefly, then makes his way to the table)

Zapp:  So Leela…

Fry (interjecting):  Leela!

Leela:  Fry, what’s the matter?

 Fry:  Leela, we have to leave, now! 

Leela (staring at him): What are you talking about?

Fry:  Ok, so I was in the bathroom, and-

Zapp: So, clogging my velour padded toilets then running away like a sissy! How typical of you…

Fry:   No!  Listen! They’re going to take you away Leela, you have to believe me!

Leela:  Who is?

*CLUNK*

Zapp:  What was that?  Did we hit another tour bus?

(There is general clamor in the dining hall)

(Fry pulls out the Preventatron, and shows it to Leela as footsteps approach)

Fry:  This is how I know.  I heard it from my own mouth, who I trust even more than a horse! You can’t stay here.

Leela: But you -

(The Grivakks enter) 

Grivakk:  Party’s over!

Man 1: Oh…

Flarx:  So, Captain Brannigan, we meet again.

Zapp (snide):  Hello…Flarx.

Flarx:  It took some effort, but I have finally caught up to you… 

Fry:  (whispering to Leela):  These people are going to take you away.  I came back to rescue you.

Leela (whispering):  O…k… But how?

Flarx: ...he’s the only one we want. 

Fry:  Works for me!

(Fry grabs Leela’s hand and drags her towards the escape pods. However, Zapp grabs her other hand)

Zapp:  Leela, don’t leave me now!  I beg you to kiss me goodbye before I am sent to my doom by these Grivakks!

Leela:  Are you just going to accept your fate without a fight?

Zapp:  Does that increase or decrease my odds of a kiss?

Fry: (Trying to pull Leela away from Zapp in vain):  We don’t have time for this…

Flarx (amused):  So, Captain Brannigan, you wish to win the heart of this reluctant cyclops?

Zapp:  The rest of her was easy; the heart is the hard part. 

(He gets slapped by Leela, who breaks free from his grip, Fry dragging her in the other direction)

Flarx:  Hold it! (gun drawn, Fry and Leela freeze)  You are quite a special case, my dear. With you I could raze Brannigan’s spirit before I destroy his carcass!

Fry:  Why would you want to raise his spirit?

Leela:  Fry…he... oh, it’s not important.  The important thing is- Hee-ya!

(Leela kicks the gun from Flarx’s hand and she and Fry make a break for it.  They get about 10 feet before they are surrounded)

Flarx:  Take Brannigan and the cyclops, leave the other.  Zapp seems to know him, but I only have two torture tables on board anyway.

Grivakk:  We could have brought three if you didn’t insist on that popcorn cart!

Zapp (thrilled):  Popcorn?

Flarx:  Silence!  Let’s go.

(Leela and Zapp are dragged out of the room, Fry watching helplessly)

Leela (upset):  Fry, I’m sorry.  I should have listened sooner! (She is carried out)

(Fry stares on, motionless with the remaining guests, sheer horror on his face)

(Cut to:  The docking bay:  Most Grivakks have passed through the airlock, and only Flarx, the two dragging Zapp and Leela, and a fourth remain)

Grivakk:  Hey, can we shoot the ship to pieces after we leave?

(Flarx pauses to contemplate)

Flarx:  Well… there are still people on board… (he laughs)… OK.

Leela:  What?

Zapp:  No fair!

Voice off screen:  Leela!

(Fry hurriedly rounds the corner while simultaneously flinging the Preventatron towards Leela and her captors.  The Grivakks, startled, turn to point their weapons at Fry, giving Leela the leeway she needs to squirm away.  She catches the device as the laser beams fly)

*Flash*


7:30 … 7:29 … 7:28 … 7:27 … 7:26 … 7:25

*Flash*

Leela (as she appears):  Fry, no!

(She pauses briefly, trying to gain her bearing.  She looks at her hand, still gripping the Preventatron tightly, her finger is on the button)

Leela (to herself):  I… went back…  I can stop that from happening!  (thinking) Ok, the bathroom…he said he was in the bathroom…

(She exits the docking bay and heads down the hall)

(Cut to:  Leela arriving at the bathroom, just as Fry #1 in heaved out of the door)

Fry #2:  Hurry up!

Fry #1 (Noticing Leela):  Leela!  What are you doing here?  Well, it doesn’t matter, now we can get you away from whoever’s trying to get you, and things will be OK!

Leela:  It’s much worse than just that Fry; they’re going to destroy the whole ship after they take Zapp and me away. (She pushes the Fry #1 back into the bathroom and enters herself)

Fry #1:  You seem less confused about this than you should be… but that means…

(Fry #2 perks up)

Fry #2:  You came back for us!

Leela:  Everyone on this ship is in danger.  We don’t have time to evacuate.  Fry…uh, Frys, it looks like we need to stop that ship entirely, not just get me off of it.

Fry #1:  How are we going to do that?

Leela:  I don’t know…  (thinking it through)  Well, there’s a chance… if we could find some sort of explosive onboard… then we could ambush them at the airlock.  Sever the tie with the ships connected.  Their ship is so small it wouldn’t survive… but luxury cruisers like this one have safety features which will seal off the docking bay in the case of a breach…

Fry #2:  Do you think Zapp has anything like that on board?

Leela:  Zapp’s the man that cut a ribbon with a death laser.  I’d guess he has explosives onboard in place of mop in his supply closet…

Fry #1:  OK, I’ll try and get the other you away from whoever’s about to capture you, or at least stall them, and you two try to find something explosive.

Leela:  But you didn’t keep me away from them.  You were too confusing, and I was too stubborn.

Fry #2 (hyper):  OK then, we’ll switch places!  I’ll go after the early Leela, and you two find the explosives.

Leela: Well, it couldn’t hurt.

Fry #1:  This isn’t fair, both of you have gone back and know stuff about things!  I’m getting so confused!

*CLUNK*

Leela:  That’s them…

(The three exit the bathroom)

Fry #2 (backing away):  Just stop thinking about it.  Remember what I told you about thinking?  Good luck…

(He turns and runs down the hallway, checking the counter on his Preventatron) 

Leela (shouting)  Don’t let Zapp grab my arm!

(Fry #1 and Leela quickly head the other way)

Fry #1:  This is all really weird.  Do you think this might work?

Leela:  I don’t even know, this is confusing and we don’t have enough time...  I’m beside myself.

Fry #1:  You think you’re beside yourself!

Leela (exasperated yet amused):  Fry…
________________________

Well, we’re all set up for the final part, and the suspense should be killing you, or at least poking you with a stick until you’re slightly peeved.  I’ll try to get it finished by the end of the week.  Please tell me what you think, I know it's a different direction than how I usually write.

Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #229 on: 07-25-2004 22:50 »

BEST LINE:
Flarx (amused): So, Captain Brannigan, you wish to win the heart of this reluctant cyclops?

Zapp: The rest of her was easy; the heart is the hard part.

CORNIEST:
Fry #1: You think you’re beside yourself!

Leela (exasperated yet amused): Fry…



All in all, really good. Slightly confusing, but good. I can't wait to see how this multi Fry, multi Leela story wraps up
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #230 on: 07-25-2004 23:08 »

ow! Ow! Put down the damn stick already!
Crash_7

Professor
*
« Reply #231 on: 07-26-2004 00:57 »

I'm really enjoying this one, JBERGES.  Keep it coming.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #232 on: 07-26-2004 01:25 »

Hmmm.. your prophecy was true! Somehow you knew that your own work would have less funny stuff! However, you've so nailed that special Zapp quality... that almost every line he has is a cracker. Good job.

Also, I'd like to point out that I'm not confused at all. I eat these kinds of plots for breakfast. Yum.

And damn you for that last joke. That made me want to kill things.

Still... maybe it'll be like that Star Trek ep with old Kirk and new Kirk! Y'know where they shake hands and the end and re-combobulate... or something...

Or maybe I just dreamed that...

Point is: what becomes of the hapless, yet noble time travellers? I somehow don't see this turning into something all that tragic. But... yeah. I'll... stop. Poke.
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #233 on: 07-26-2004 02:12 »

Unfunny? Sure. Interesting? HELL yes. Ive noticed that pretty much everything I post here consists of Praise-Lame joke-Reminder of my sexuality[I'm just not subtle!  cry]-Moremoremoreplzthx. So, more of the same from me, and one TINY INSIGNIFICANT BARELY THERE thing is that it's 'in vain', not 'in vein'.
In short: Bergey, j00 pwnt us all, as usual.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #234 on: 07-26-2004 03:57 »

Fascinating. Not as funny as the bulk of your writing, but it had me laughing several times. Plot-driven stuff works when it's done well, and this was excellent. Unfortunately, Nice Gushy Fangirl Tongue Luck is in the other room cooing over a pun in the Quantum Physics book she's been reading and pretending to understand (I wish that was as made up as it sounds), so she can't do a play by play of favorite lines and such. In her place is Typo/Grammar Nazi Tongue Luck.

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:

Leela:  It’s much worse than just that Fry; they’re going to destroy the whole ship after they take Zapp and I away.
"Zapp and me" is more correct in this situation. It might not be worth changing, since she's under stress and all, but I thought I might as well point it out.

 
Quote
Fry #2 (backing away):  Just stop thinking about it.  Remember I told you about thinking?  Good luck…
Again, maybe I'm just being dumb, but did you perhaps mean "Remember what I told you abot thinking?"

Here's one I noticed in Part 3, when I was refreshing the ol' memory.
 
Quote
The rest seem to be random woman, old friends of his, and people I assume he haphazardly selected from my planet!
Should be women, not woman. It's ancient history, I know, but it probably ought to get changed before you submit the finished product to other sites.

 
Quote
Zapp:  Do I even want to know what happened in there and why you have to leave because of it?
No typo here. The line didn't quite sit right with me. Didn't seem suitably Zappy.

And now to wait for my comments to be systematically ripped to shreds.
Lrrrr

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #235 on: 07-26-2004 04:34 »

Those are really good scripts keep up the good work. ever time i read these scrips i could see the episode in my head. i really hate reading, and if i could read it, it must be pritty damn good.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #236 on: 07-26-2004 06:30 »
« Last Edit on: 07-26-2004 06:30 »

Well, since Birdbot, my grammar consultant, isn't here right now, I'm glad you others are picking up the slack.  Actually, what I meant to say is "TongueLuckIhateyounowgobackto lovingme!"
And also, what was the pun in the Quantum Physics book?!  I love puns and Quantum Physics... and symposia...

EvilLunch:  FIXED
Tongue Luck:  A:  FIXED
     B:  FIXED (Well, except the "abot" )
     C:  FIXED
     D:  Y'know what? That line does suck. It eschews from that special Zapp quality I apparently have down pat.  Maybe if I made it more accusatory?
     
Quote
Zapp:  So, clogging my velour padded toilets then running away like a sissy!  How typical of you…
But that's just a spur the moment idea... any other suggestions?

I'm Bob Barker, reminding you to control the typo population by having your posts FIXED.  This is The Price is Right...
Bushmeister

Professor
*
« Reply #237 on: 07-26-2004 07:39 »

Woah. I leave this thread for a while and come back to this? Lovely. As has been said before, a lot more plot-driven thatn your other scripts but the great puns and Zapp lines more than make up for it. Great stuff!
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #238 on: 07-26-2004 10:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
First, I’m afraid to say, I dusted off the cobwebs on that big knob that says “Comedy”, and I turned it down a notch.  (uh… Un-Bam!).  I apologize for the inconvenience.

Boo-urns!

 
Quote
Fry:  This is how I know.  I heard it from my own mouth, who I trust even more than a horse! You can’t stay here.

Aw, you just said that so you'd catch me even more off guard with that funny, funny line.  You sly dog.  (Having had some time to think it over, I think I understand what is going on now, as well.)

I've run out of ways to tell you it's great, so just take it as read that that's what I think.
Nosebleed

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #239 on: 07-26-2004 14:38 »

I like it. I really like it. Tension's high, and so is my excitement for the next part. Humor is still present, and combined with the storyline and the whole confusion of time traveling, I must say that you're doing a great job.

 
Quote
Glad I can make your day just the slightest bit better.
Slightest bit? You totally saved the day for me!
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