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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 46177 times)
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Urban Legend
« Reply #160 on: 06-24-2004 22:12 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 00:00 »

I’m glad most people enjoy the positions I randomly assigned.

And M0le, it’s always nice to see another familiar face (avatar?) wander into my thread.  Glad you like it, or at least  "   :eek: "  it.

Well, this is it.  It’s the end of fanfic number two.  I realized as I started writing it that there is a very simple way to conclude everything.  That would be no fun, however, so I made it a little more outlandish for the fun of it.  I’m sure Birdbot will come up with a reason why this couldn’t happen, and I’m just fine with that.  I’ll cross that bridge if I get there.
Part Six

Farnsworth:  Yes, safe… for now. 

Fry:  Uh…Leela.  I’m safe too y’know…

Leela:  Fry, if I stopped to console you every time you almost died, I’d never get anything done…

Fry:  True.

Farnsworth:  We have to do something about this Robot Devil…he’s still going to have it out for Ignar.

Fry:  All because you wanted to get lucky.  Pretty pathetic when you think about it.

Farnsworth (thinking):  Get lucky?  Pathetic?  That’s it!  Dress cool folks, we’re going to robot hell! (takes off his pants)  Well, everyone except Ignar I guess...

(Cut to robot hell.  The Robot Devil is writing down some words on a notepad.  He turns on a needlessly futuristic looking metronome)

Robot Devil (singing):

"And though you might have trepidations,
‘bout human/robot amalgamations,
Forget those moral implications,
And suffer through the integrations!

You’ll be tortured too in robot hell!”

(He ends with a pose, decides he doesn’t like it, tries another one)

Robot Devil:  sigh… I’m probably wasting too much effort on this.  No one appreciates the arts anymore…

(Enter Bender, Fry, Leela, Hermes, Zoidberg, and the Professor.  All are dressed quite coolly, sporting Hawaiian clothes and/or sunglasses)

Robot Devil:  I was unaware Hell was so easily accessible to tourists…

Fry:  This ends here Beelzebot.  You have no right to go after Ignar!

Robot Devil:  Oh, I believe I do!  Saggy McWrinkles over there promised his first born son in exchange for my predecessor’s services.

Hermes:  Exactly!  And your predecessor provided none!

Robot Devil:  You can’t prove that.

Hermes:  Professor, dat sexual prowess you speak of… just how amazing was it?

Farnsworth (shamed):  Uhhh…not as notorious as I made it out to be…

Hermes:  In fact, how many sexual partners have you had in your entire life?

Farnsworth:  Well…counting all those prostitutes?

Hermes:  Countin' them.

Farnsworth (sad):  One.

Robot Devil:  And was this before or after your little deal?

Farnsworth (sheepish):  After…

Robot Devil:  Well, it wasn’t much, but it counts.  My precursor must have corrupted or beguiled that woman into sleeping with you…

Farnsworth:  It was love, damnit!  Robots can’t cause love!

Bender:  And you’re talking about Mom!  It was our beloved Mother who ravaged the Professor sexually!

Robot Devil (indifferent):  Was it?  I must have forgotten that part.  Either way, my point still stands.  Ignar is rightfully mine.  (He grins evilly.  Demons flank him to make him look more imposing)

Hermes (upset):  Arbitration isn’t workin'… an' it’s all I’m good at… 

Fry:  Plan B it is…

Leela:  We really hoped it didn’t have to come to this.

Fry:  Ladies and gentlemen, what is behind lobster number one?

Zoidberg (His lips don’t move.  A familiar voice):  You dirty… spineless… disrespectful… little imp bastard!

(Zoidberg’s shirt and glasses fall off, then his shell bursts away in an explosion of rage, revealing Mom, who had been in there the whole time.)

Demon:  What the here?!

Fry (to Leela):  Zoidberg’s not going to be too happy about that…

(Cut to PE building.  Zoidberg is without his shell, in a towel, and pacing)

Zoidberg (muttering):  Forcing me to molt…  They better not break it…  I’m vulnerable and can’t afford-

(He missteps, and falls back into iSpy’s entrance hole.  A much moister ‘thud’ is heard this time)

(Cut back to robot hell.  Mom is fuming.)

Mom (digressing):  Jesus Z. Christ, it’s cramped in there!  And P.U.! Next time, why don’t you just wrap me in a dead whale’s colon! (Slaps the Professor)

Robot Devil:  Love indeed.

Mom:  You shut up!  The audacity to suggest I could be fooled by a primitive robot!  The nerve to try and take my property away from me!  Forcing me to listen to this, this  entourage of idiocy and follow them here just to keep him safe.  Oh…you will pay.  You will pay.

Robot Devil (facetious) :  Oh…Mother dearest…have I been a bad boy?  (to his minions)  Kindly remove our guests.

Mom:  Not as smart as you make yourself out to be, are you?  Those demons are MomCorp™ brand…

(Mom pulls a 5 button remote control from her bra.  She hits the “Robot Off” button while aiming at the demons closing in on the crew.  Other buttons read “Robot On”, “Robot Out”, Robot In”, and “Shake It All About”.  After several button clicks, a swarm of minions have powered down and fallen to the ground. )

Mom:  And so are you..(points the remote at the Robot Devil)

Robot Devil (angered, yet delighted by the irony):  Ooh!  So extortion it is then?  How fitting.  Give up my pursuit of the boy or be powered down?  Is that the deal?  (sigh)…Fine then. I had no use for him anyway…

Mom:  (Hands the remote to Leela)  Oh no…you’re not getting off that easily.

(Hermes hands Mom a metal gauntlet from his briefcase.  She puts it on)

Robot Devil:  (muffled whimper)

(Mom unleashes a barrage of slaps on the Robot Devil, who screams helplessly like a little girl each time.)

Mom (haughty):  And if you ever think of coming after my son again, just remember who is even more powerful than the Devil!

Bender:  She means Mom!  I love you Mom!  Wooh!  I love you! Did I mention that? Wooooo-

(Leela powers Bender down.  Dead silence in robot hell…)

Fry:  Well…uh…I guess that fixes everything!

Mom:  (turning on them)  Fixes everything!  Have you turned on the news recently?!  This Ignar thing is a big scandal!  It will cost millions in time and effort to smooth everything over, and it’s all your fault!  And why the hell did I have to come here in such a ridiculous disguise?!

Farnsworth:  I just thought it would be a clever twist…

(Mom’s rage has reached a new level.  She winds up, and backhands the Professor with her un-gauntleted hand.  Unfortunately, her wrinkly hand gets a bit tangled in the many wrinkles of Farnsworth’s face)

Mom: (Struggling to get her hand free of the floppy face)  What the?  Get it off!  It’s…it’s…it’s…(she slowly begins to chuckle)

(Everyone nervously joins in on the laughter)

Mom:  Oh Hubert, you always knew the right things to say and do… (she kisses him)

Fry/Leela/Hermes:  Awww…

(Cut back to the PE building.  Amy is wandering around with her bags)

Amy:  I’m back guys!  Hello?  Where is everyone… 

(Now it’s her turn to fall into the big hole)


(Screen fades to black.  Over the credits: )


Amy:  Ohh…thank goodness this pile of jelly broke my fall…

Zoidberg:  Hello Amy!

Ignar:  Hi Amy!



_____________________________ ___
And so goes another piece of my soul…but don’t worry!  I have plenty of soul left!  I already have a few bits lined up for fanfic #3…of course, I don’t have a plot, so don’t expect even a start for a couple of weeks.  I’ll take any suggestions you guys have for what it should be about (remember, I took kiffan’s suggestion to write this one…and she never even bothered showing up           :( )

Anyway, please tell me what you think of the ending.  If it’s a bit too weird, or off in some way, tell me, and I might change it.  All other comments, suggestions, and critiques are welcome too.

EDITS:  I keep changing little things, and I have these nagging insecurities that tell me I posted before it was ready to be posted.  I get that all the time though...



Urban Legend
« Reply #161 on: 06-25-2004 00:52 »

What?!? Mom likes Professie again? Isn't that a violation of some sitocm cardinal rule? That everything must be the same by the end?

(Unless, of course, you plan to build upon this, and create your own mighty Futurama-verse. Which would be fine).

Heh. Amy fell. And Robot Devil got hit a lot. And Mom had a metal gauntlet. Weeeeeee!

Urban Legend
« Reply #162 on: 06-25-2004 03:27 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 03:27 »

Moments like this remind me why i became a groupy to begin with...   :love:   :love:   :love:

Starship Captain
« Reply #163 on: 06-25-2004 04:46 »

Great story, maybe you could write the next story about how great zomit is  :) . Or, you could do something where Fry decides to clone Seymour, but when it is cloned, it turns out that the fossil was actually of a different dog.

Urban Legend
« Reply #164 on: 06-25-2004 05:16 »

Shippy! Shippy shippy shippy.....shippy shippy!

Bending Unit
« Reply #165 on: 06-25-2004 05:23 »

Well done JBERGES. A fabulous ending for a fantastic fanfic.

No big bridges to cross, just:
a) Spelling:
Mom: Oh Hubert, you always knew the right things to say and do
b) Shouldn't you be consistent with either predecessor or precursor?

(Cut to PE building. Zoidberg is without his shell, pacing)
Does Zoidberg have a towel on? If not...  :puke:  :puke:

Zoidberg: Hi Amy!
Ignar: Hi Amy!
I think that Zoidberg would sound better saying "Hello Amy!", and also Ignar wouldn't just be repeating Zoidberg - it would be a bit different.

- - - - -
Birdbot: Editor, proofreader, grammar consultant
Woo! Eat it everyone who never influenced JBERGES's work! That includes you, EvilLunch, Shaucker, Venus, SlackJawedMoron, Boingo, Zomit, Guineapig Trick, stateofmind, and anyone else who posts in / reads this thread!  :p[/small]

Starship Captain
« Reply #166 on: 06-25-2004 05:25 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 05:25 »

This may seem like a stupid question, but what does Shippy mean?

EDIT: Thanks, Birdbot  :)

Bending Unit
« Reply #167 on: 06-25-2004 05:28 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 05:28 »

From the PEELers FAQ:
"Shippiness" - Refers to the development of relationships on the show.
"Shipper" - A PEELer who enjoys the relationship storylines.

« Reply #168 on: 06-25-2004 10:24 »

Great stuff there JBERGES, I especially liked:

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Mom:...And why the hell did I have to come here in such a ridiculous disguise?!

Farnsworth:  I just thought it would be a clever twist…


Urban Legend
« Reply #169 on: 06-25-2004 15:13 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 15:13 »

SJM: I am not planning on creating my own mighty Futurama-verse. (though I like that word...)  My guess is that Mom will end up hating him again in 30 minutes or less anyway.  That's just how she is it seems...

Bushmeister:  I enjoyed making fun of my own writing in the script as well.


b)  Eh...not really.  They're synonyms

Thanks for the help, and keep it up in later fanfics if I write them.

Originally posted by Venus:
Shippy! Shippy shippy shippy.....shippy shippy!

Dear God, she's finally snapped!  This woman needs a dose of testosterone, stat!

There.  That should help.

"You may have the looks, the brains, the talent, and the women, but let me tell you something, bub... you'll never have... MY BONEY GRASPING FINGERS!
*claws at JBERGES's face*"-SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
« Reply #170 on: 06-25-2004 17:04 »

My god i see the light...i don't want shippy! I want red meat! And fast cars! And i have a sudden desire to wear flannel!

« Reply #171 on: 06-25-2004 18:37 »

Welcome to my world.  :laff:
Lovely, JBERGES.. A fitting ending. The Professie and Mom kiss, and Robot Devil screams. I love it!

« Reply #172 on: 06-25-2004 22:27 »

Originally posted by Birdbot:
From the PEELers FAQ:
"Shippiness" - Refers to the development of relationships on the show.
"Shipper" - A PEELer who enjoys the relationship storylines.

I knew what it meant.  I'm not sure of the derivation, though.  Can anyone explain that?


Urban Legend
« Reply #173 on: 06-25-2004 22:36 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2004 22:36 »

A relationship = Relationship

Something having to do with a relationship= Relationshippy (not a real adjective...but oh well)

Shortened version=  Shippy

Amount of relationship development=  Shippiness

And that's how it's done, I think.  Oh, and welcome to my thread Crash.  I'm all outta free T-shirts though...so...uh...yeah.

EDIT:  And by the way, EvilLunch is awesome:


« Reply #174 on: 06-28-2004 14:13 »
« Last Edit on: 06-28-2004 14:13 »

That is awesome JBERGES, best ending yet. I love the girly sreams, Zoidbergs moist thud, and of course the guantlet. Genius.
 :D  :D
Welcome Crash_7, await your new duty on this thread as soon as you display what talents you have.  :D  :D

Oh and btw, JBERGES, i have done a drum track for your song, cant figure out how to get on my comp though. suggestions?

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #175 on: 06-30-2004 11:25 »

Originally posted by JBERGES:

(Mom unleashes a barrage of slaps on the Robot Devil, who screams helplessly like a little girl each time.)

Yay!  (laughs and claps his hands)

Robot Devil (singing):

"And though you might have trepidations,
‘bout human/robot amalgamations,
Forget those moral implications,
And suffer through the integrations!

You’ll be tortured too in robot hell!”

  :laff:   :laff:

Great ending!  I don't even mind that you made me think of the image of Zoidberg without his shell.  Eagerly awaiting #3!

Urban Legend
« Reply #176 on: 07-06-2004 17:20 »
« Last Edit on: 07-29-2004 00:00 »

Ahhh… Boingo appreciates my intricate rhyming patterns…

I finally have a plot idea for my third fanfic.  It involves action, science, some time travel, a bit of Zapp, and possibly a twinge of shippiness.

(EDIT:  I also realize Kif White is coming out with a fanfic about chronotrons this Friday.  Well, I’m not reading it until I get this one of the ground.  What are the odds that our ideas are the same anyway?)

Now, seeing as it’s been about two weeks since I posted anything new, and seeing as it could be anywhere between a few days and a few weeks before I get the plot of this fanfic going, I’m going to post what I do have right now.  This is just the pre-credits intro bit that I wrote.  It will tie in loosely with the rest of the fic.

(EDIT; Finally got around to naming it)
_____________________________ ____ 

The ButterFry Effect

(Scene opens on a shot of Hermes, Zoidberg, Leela, Fry, and Amy around the conference table, Hermes speaking)

Hermes:  Now, the Professor is tired of always forgetting things and makin’ mistakes while running deese meetins, so he’s on a new medication.  I want ya all to be supportive.

Crew (simultaneous):  Fine/OK/Gotcha

(Farnsworth enters, he pours a pill into his mouth from a bottle that reads “Donald Trump’s Head's X-Tra Strength Boss Pills (Warning:  Do not take if senile )[/small]”

(The following scene takes place at increasingly rapid speed)

Farnsworth (sitting down):  All right, let’s get down to business.  Hermes, hand me the forms for today’s delivery!

Hermes: But dere are no deliveries today, remember? That’s why we’re havin’ this meetin!

Farnsworth:  Insolence!  Impudence!  You’re fired!  Get out!

(Hermes backs away, shocked, and leaves the room)

Farnsworth:  Zoidberg!  Assume his duties!

Zoidberg:  Yes, sir! (He takes Hermes’s clipboard)

Farnsworth:  Fry!  Tell me the condition of the ship’s engines!

Fry:  uh…they exist?

Farnsworth:  Not good enough!  Get out, you’re fired!

(Fry resentfully leaves the room)

Farnsworth:  Zoidberg!  Assume his duties!

Zoidberg:  Uh…yes, sir! (Slouches into Fry’s chair with Hermes’s clipboard)

Amy (leery):  Maybe you should let us have a look at those pills…

(Leela and Amy get up and advance on the Professor)

Leela:  Honestly Professor, Amy and I are the ones that would know about the ship…

Farnsworth:  Nonsense!  Woman can’t be trusted with machinery.  My ship’s not a blow dryer you know!

(Leela and Amy slap Farnsworth at the same time, malforming his face)

Farnsworth (muffled):  Fired!  Both of you! Zoidberg, assume their duties!  And check those engines!

Zoidberg:  Oh…  (Takes Hermes’s clipboard and drags Fry’s chair towards the ship.  The women leave the room, and Farnsworth is now alone at the table.  He blinks sharply.)

Farnsworth:  Huh—wha?? 

(He looks around, confused, then takes another pill) 

Farnsworth (abnormally booming voice): Everyone get in here, we’re wasting valuable meeting time!

(Hermes, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg, and Fry grudgingly enter, followed by Scruffy)

Farnsworth (to Scruffy):  Who the hell are you?

Scruffy:  I’m Scruffy, the j-

Farnsworth:  You don’t work here! Get out! You’re fired! …Zoidberg, assume his duties!

 (Scruffy willingly hands Zoidberg his broom, and leaves)

Zoidberg (bleating): Oohhh…

Leela:  Professor, this is ridiculous… we’re trying to be supportive, but-

Farnsworth:  That’s it!  Everyone’s fired!  That’s right!  Get out!

(Everyone starts to exit again)

Farnsworth:  Zoidberg, assume their duties!

Zoidberg (baffled):  But I… I can’t…I was… they…

Farnsworth:  I’m tired of your whining!  You’re fired! Get out!

(Zoidberg dejectedly starts to leave)

Farnsworth:  Zoidberg!  Assume his duties!

Zoidberg (demented)AHHHHHHHHH!  (Falls to the ground in the fetal position)

(The rest of the crew stops and looks on as the Professor pops another pill)

Fry:  The stuff works pretty well…

(Cut to Opening Credits and Music)

Brought To You By The Number 6, And Leprosy

Well, please tell me what you think of that beginning.  I'll be relatively hard at work getting the story itself started, but I can't guarantee anything about completion time.  I have been rather busy and tired recently.


Urban Legend
« Reply #177 on: 07-06-2004 18:32 »

awww poor Zoidburg. I love it!

« Reply #178 on: 07-06-2004 23:15 »

I, too, love it. Despite that I hate Donald Trump.. It was very funny!

Starship Captain
« Reply #179 on: 07-07-2004 04:26 »

Great story so far, JBERGES! I can't wait to see the rest of it.

Urban Legend
« Reply #180 on: 07-07-2004 07:09 »

You destroyed Zoidbergs brain. Marvelous.  :D

Space Pope
« Reply #181 on: 07-07-2004 08:32 »

Hah JBERGES, take that Donald Trump!
Great jokes so far, but now Zoidbergs brain is gone? Are they going to spend the rest of the episode making him a new one?  :)

Delivery Boy
« Reply #182 on: 07-07-2004 21:49 »

Awesome start to this fic, JBERGES! My only complaint is that is that it seems to be a bit long for a "before the start theme" scene. But who cares?

I can imagine Zoidy high-pitchedly screaming, eyes crossed, mouth flaps swirling... Ah, Zoidberg...

Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #183 on: 07-08-2004 10:55 »

I came to this thread with my I-hate-fanfic-but-I'm-bored-and-I-can't-sleep goggles firmly in place. Then I started laughing. Then you brought the ship ("No!" Eee!) and I melted in a good way. Then I resolidified and laughed more. Now I'm hooked. Damn you! Write more!

Oh, also, was the Z in Jesus Z. Christ for Zombie? If so, yay!

Urban Legend
« Reply #184 on: 07-08-2004 14:43 »
« Last Edit on: 07-09-2004 00:00 »

Originally posted by Tongue Luck:
Oh, also, was the Z in Jesus Z. Christ for Zombie? If so, yay!
The smallest things in life can make me so happy for no apparent reason.  The fact that you picked up on that and bothered to mention it made me smile.  I'm weird like that.

Furthermore, you read this entire thread in one sitting?  Cool!
Originally posted by WhiteMoth:
I can imagine Zoidy high-pitchedly screaming, eyes crossed, mouth flaps swirling... Ah, Zoidberg...

Welcomes to both of you.

As for the fanfic in progress, I wrote up what I think is a really cool synopsis to work of off last night.  Thinking about it now though...there is a huge plothole.  I mean "Drive a truck through it", "Jump a Mushu through it", "Fit yo' fat ol' mamma through it" big.  So, there will be some re-writing and delays.
  This is what I get for wanting to know where the story goes before I write it, and for trying to weave plot lines four dimensionally. Where the hell is my science consultant when I need her? Who wants to fill in?      :D

EDIT:  OK, I fixed the problems.  Writing will begin as soon as the paper mache dries.

And I see Shaucker has been posting recently.  Everything’s back to normal.

« Reply #185 on: 07-10-2004 17:03 »

Love it JBERGES, i could actually picture this as a scene while i was reading it, you know,Zoidberg getting on with everything as if hes finally been acknowledged and the bit with scruffy, brilliant. Keep it coming and tell me how i can get my drumming for your song on the site, im pretty dense with computers.

Urban Legend
« Reply #186 on: 07-11-2004 00:29 »
« Last Edit on: 07-29-2004 00:00 »

stateofmind:  wish I could help, but I don’t think I can.

Everyone:  If you would like a hilarious piece of writing, press 1.

If you would like boring scientific exposition with some comedy filler, press 2.

You have pressed 2, I am almost certain you have pressed 2.  Hey, it sets up the plot…


Part 2

(Scene opens on Fry and Leela looking nervously into the door that leads to the Professor’s lab.  Farnsworth can be heard talking to himself)

Farnsworth (off screen):  Now…to be especially careful when splitting the chronotrons…

Leela (whispering): I don’t like this one bit.  Every experiment with chronotrons has ended in horrible disaster.

Fry (whispering):  Well… maybe he’s due?

(Sound of a jack-hammer is heard, followed by a sudden explosion.  Leela and Fry hit the deck as a volley of beakers and syringes whizzes overhead.  Smoke permeates in from the lab)

Farnsworth (OS, still calm):  Almost…got it…

(More pounding is heard)

Fry:  I guess not… I wonder what space-time thingy he’s going to mess up this time.


(Time distorts and Leela and Fry find themselves standing up again.  An explosion is heard, and the same barrage of glassware as before flies at them.  Leela gets down but Fry is clipped and knocked off camera)

Farnsworth (OS, shouting):  Sorry, everyone on Earth!

(Cut to the conference table.  Leela is applying a Band-Aid to Fry’s forehead.  Amy enters with an envelope)

Amy:  Hey guys, look what we’re invited to! 

(She pulls out an invitation.  The cover says “You’re Invited” and features a picture of Zapp Brannigan posing with arms akimbo)

Leela (hopeful):  An execution?

Amy:  No… (She opens the invitation and reads it)  Congratulations, you have been invited to Lieutenant Kif Kroker’s…   blank… birthday party.

Fry:  Blank?

Amy:  Hmm.  Chances are Zapp has no clue how old Kif is.  It’s the thought that counts though, right? (continues reading)  Due to DOOP regulations, the party cannot be held on the Nimbus, a battle cruiser.  Instead, it will be held on Zapp Brannigan’s new leisure vessel, The Zoftig.  Ship leaves Earth port tomorrow at 5:00PM.

Leela:  The Zoftig?

Fry:  Sounds classy!

Amy: Yeah! 

Leela (sarcastic):  Oh yeah…real classy. 

(She points to some fine print on the invitation.  It reads: “BYOB:  (The second B is for Boobies.)”)

Leela: The jerk’s probably just throwing this party to steal all the attention for himself and his new ship. (sigh) I guess you really want me to go, huh.

Amy (To Leela):  Well, it would make Kif happier.  The invitation is for me, you, and a third guest.  I guess that’s you, Fry.

Leela (defensive):  Hey, I may have a date lined up!

(Amy looks at her smugly)

Leela:  Fine…

Fry: Hey, speaking of people other than me, where are Hermes, Bender, and Zoidberg?

Leela:  Fry, Zoidberg’s right over there.  (She points a few feet away.  Zoidberg has not moved since we last saw him)

Zoidberg (meekly muttering): no…I’ll take those croutons, sir… 

Amy:  Someone should do something about that.

(Scruffy enters with his broom)

Scruffy: (doffs his cap)  Sorry I’m late, schedule issues.  (He starts pushing at Zoidberg with the head of the broom)

Leela:  Anyway, Hermes is out looking for another doctor who will look at Zoidberg… without being nauseated.  And Bender?  I have no clue.  You’d know better than me.

(On cue, Bender enters)

Fry:  Bender, where have you been?

Bender: Out having the time of my life, buddy.  I just stopped in to steal your wallet and then I have a date with destiny… bot 450TRX.

Fry:  Aww…there’s nothing like young robot love to… (realization) Hey!  My wallet’s gone!

Bender:  So long, losers!  (exits)

Leela:  This coming from a robot who has to steal from Fry to support himself.

Bender (reentering):  Ooh.  What biting wit.  And by that, I mean it bites!  (exits, then reenters) …and that you should bite me.  (exits, then reenters)  On my ass!

(He laughs while exiting for good.  Scruffy momentarily looks up, then gets back to slowly sweeping Zoidberg across the floor)

Farnsworth (OS, shouting triumphantly):  I’ve done it!

Amy:  Remember to flush this time!

Farnsworth:  No… My new invention!  It works!

Leela:  How do you know?

Farnsworth:  Because, back in my lab, I just appeared out of nowhere, told myself that it worked, and then eventually disappeared.

Fry:  Huh?
(He produces a compact device with a button and a small readout, about the size of an electric razor)

Farnsworth:  This is the Preventatron.  I was tired of always forgetting things, and then making the wrong decisions, then remembering what I was supposed to do when it was too late.  With the Preventatron, I won’t have the problem anymore…that is, unless I forget to use it.

Leela:  How does it work?

Farnsworth:  Simple, I just hit this button here, and the Preventatron vaults me back 5 minutes in time!  I appear in the same spot I used the device, only five minutes earlier!

( Background:  Scruffy jabs Zoidberg a bit too hard with the broom.  Zoidberg perks up, and in a deranged delirium lunges at Scruffy; they fall off camera)

Amy:  So then there are two of you at the same time?

Farnsworth:  For that five minute overlap, yes there is.  However, our friend Mr. Space-time can only be folded for just that long.

(Background:  Zoidberg stands up, then elbow drops off camera)

Farnsworth (pointing to the display on the device):  When this five minute timer here hits zero, one of two things can happen.  Assuming the “you” that goes back has no effect on the timeline of the “past you”, then at zero your “past self” will use the Preventatron just as you did.  They will disappear, and only you will remain.

Leela:  Right…

Amy:  Gotcha.

Fry:   (blink)   

Leela:  …but I thought the purpose was to interact with yourself.

(Background:  Scruffy pops up, trying to open a can of spinach; Zoidberg tackles him and they fall off camera)

Farnsworth:  So it is!  If you do interact with your past self, or alter their timeline, you therefore thwart them from using the Preventatron just as you did.  Thus, it’s clearly evident that you did not, in fact, go back in time in the first place!

Leela:  Ok…

Amy:  You're losing me.

Fry:  (blank stare, drool oozes from the corner of his mouth)

Farnsworth:  Case in point, if this timer hits zero, and the “past you” does not go back in time, the “later you” disappears, never having been there in the first place!  What’s interesting, though, is that even though you were never there, you can still affect your surroundings before you disappear.  Quite a paradox, and it’s why this device works perfectly!

Fry:  All this science talk makes my head hurt…(He grabs the back of his head) or maybe it’s this… (he removes a small syringe left over from the blast)

(Background:  Scruffy has Zoidberg over his shoulder, comatose.  He starts to exit the room)

Scruffy:  Scruffy’s getting overtime for this.   (He leaves)

Well, here's hoping that made a bit of sense.  If it didn't at all, tell me what's wrong, and I'll try to fix it.  (It all makes sense in my mind...I'm fascinated by time-travel theory)

Other comments. critiques, and suggestions are appreciated as well, of course

"You may have the looks, the brains, the talent, and the women, but let me tell you something, bub... you'll never have... MY BONEY GRASPING FINGERS!
*claws at JBERGES's face*"-SlackJawedMoron

Starship Captain
« Reply #187 on: 07-11-2004 01:15 »

interesting ......... i like it !

Starship Captain
« Reply #188 on: 07-11-2004 03:43 »

That did make sense (kinda), although time-travel doesn't make sense to me. Like on "The Why Of Fry," he had the Scooty Puff Jr. so then he was stuck in the infosphere. He travelled back in time, and the only thing he changed was that he got a Scooty Puff Snr. which he used to escape, so then he never actually travelled back in time, yet on "Jurassic Bark" you see Fry and Nibbler on the scene when Fry gets frozen. And if Fry never travelled back in time, he couldn't have told Nibbler that Scooty Puff Jr. sucks, so then Fry would have used the Scooty Puff Jr. and would have gotten trapped in the infosphere, travelled back in time, etc. in a never-ending loop. A similar thing is on "Roswell That Ends Well" because Enis looks like Fry, even though they're not related because there couldn't have been a first time with Enis being Fry's grandfather because there would have been no first or last time that would ever have happened, so Fry has been, and always is his own grandfather.
Anyway, great story, JBERGES!
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #189 on: 07-11-2004 09:33 »
« Last Edit on: 07-11-2004 09:33 »

Woo! Time travel paradox is sexy!

You've nailed sarcastic, half-the-time funny Leela, and I always liked when that character trait popped up in the show. Scruffy referring to himself in the third person? Always gets a free laugh out of me. Bender's exiting and reentering with the evolving stages of his attempted zinger amused me to no end. As did the BYOB thing. Microscopic nitpick, here, but would it be better if Amy said, "You're losing me" rather than "I'm losing you"? I've heard the first phrase in that situation but not the second.

Urban Legend
« Reply #190 on: 07-11-2004 10:22 »

Well, you've made me chuckle again (mailnly at the BYOB thing. And at the professy in general.)

Has time travel been used too much in Futurama (the show) though? Well, only three times really, and this seems a somewhat fresh spin on the concept (at least as far as the show goes). So I guess I can forgive you (though, as a disclaimer, I loathe Time-Travel stories in general... the Futurama ones were good because they made me laugh a lot, but the concept has been used so much in every sci-fi show that it began to irk me a lot...

Don't worry, I'm capable of putting my prejudices behind me, just as long as those damn Japanese people stop stealing my potatos... there's some now! Oi! Get out of it! 'Scuse me, I need to find a broom with some really sharp bristles...

« Reply #191 on: 07-11-2004 16:30 »

Originally posted by JBERGES:.
And I see Shaucker has been posting recently.  Everything’s back to normal.

Aw...nice to know I'm in your thoughts.  :D My mommy had banned me from the house computer, and I really only got to use it at work. Love the new story stuff, keep it up.

« Reply #192 on: 07-12-2004 00:42 »

It is all very good I love the way you did the story! Keep up the great work!

Urban Legend
« Reply #193 on: 07-12-2004 06:57 »

Glad everyone liked the gratuitous boobies joke.  The question, though, is if anyone caught the other gratuitous boobies joke that I put in there, because it’s less fun if I have to explain it.

Tounge Luck:  I've heard it both ways.  I'll change it at your request though,

Shaucker:  When one of 3 groupies is missing, you notice  :D

Part 3 will be out either on Thursday or next Monday.  I'm gone this weekend so we'll see if I can get it done beforehand

SJM not liking time travel?  Man, I thought you were cool...(burns his “SlackJawedMoron is cooler than me” T-shirt)

Urban Legend
« Reply #194 on: 07-12-2004 07:50 »
« Last Edit on: 07-12-2004 07:50 »

*Travels back in time and stops JBERGES from ever being born, by setting his parents up with Gypsies and Pirates.*

That'll teach you!

(Finds the resulting genetic cocktail is too similar to the original, and that one of them posts at PEEL under the same name as the original JBERGES. This means that there is another JBERGES around somewhere. It also means that either your father or your mother is either a pirate or a gypsy.)

In any case, I'll let you get away with time travel, as long as you can ensure some good old fashioned uber-hilarity comes of it.

« Reply #195 on: 07-12-2004 08:39 »

I didn't find any other boobie jokes, and am now slightly unsettled by that. Usually that's all I'm good for. Does it have to do with "zoftig"?

Urban Legend
« Reply #196 on: 07-12-2004 10:19 »
« Last Edit on: 07-12-2004 10:19 »

Close enough Shaucker (I like the sig, BTW):


There, we've all learned something today.  When I first heard the word, my first thought was "That word sounds like the name of a spaceship."  The rest is history...

SJM, that tears it!  I'm offended! (burns his “SlackJawedMoron is cooler than me” hat, novelty comb, beverage container, and thong.  Turns off his live-feed hidden-camera from Toowoomba)

« Reply #197 on: 07-12-2004 10:28 »

MUAHAHAHAHA...I laugh at such a very subtle boobie joke. Then I laugh because Leela clearly gets it. And then I laugh because it's yiddish for "juicy".
That is so very obscure...I'm suprised I didn't get that one from Word of the Day Email

....yeah, I really get it...and I got a 700 on my verbal SATs

Urban Legend
« Reply #198 on: 07-15-2004 21:55 »
« Last Edit on: 07-29-2004 00:00 »

W00t, I managed to get this done before I left, and with only minimal sacrifice to quality!  Still don’t have a title for this fic yet, but I’ll paste one in at some point


Part 3

Scruffy:  Scruffy’s getting overtime for this.   (He leaves)

Farnsworth:  Thanks a lot Zoidberg!  That’s coming out of your pay, you shellfish bastard!  (Shakes his fist)

Fry:  So…uh…can we use it?

Farnsworth (Still shaking):  Use what?

Fry:  That thing!  (He points to the Preventatron)

Farnsworth:  Huh?  (He stares blankly at it for a second)  Sure, what do I care?  I don’t need to shave.  (He hands it to Fry)  Now, to work on my greatest creation yet, the Preventatron! (He exits)

Amy (watching Farnsworth leave):  Wow.

Leela (cynical):  Amazing.  A genius one second, a senile old man using stool softener the next.

Fry:  I still don’t think that stuff is necessary (He sits on a nearby stool, which gives way under his weight until he’s on the floor)  …though that was fun.

Leela:  Speaking of which, don’t go wreaking havoc with the Preventatron.  It frightens me thinking of what’s possible with that thing.  I don't want you randomly appearing in my shower or something.

(Fry briefly considers the possibilities)

Leela (regretful):  Oh...I should never have said that.

(Suddenly, she lunges for the Preventatron, but Fry dodges)

Fry (playfully evading): I just wanna try it out, maybe talk to myself for a bit, play some cards...   I'm not going to do anything wrong!

Amy (To Leela):  Spluh’mon Leela, Fry’s not that immature, is he? (To Fry):   He better act mature at Kif’s party tomorrow.  As far as I can tell, it’s going to be very elegant.

(Cut to the next day: Fry, Leela and Amy walking from a tube terminal.  They are in formal wear, and Amy is carrying a gift)

Leela:  So Fry, did you have fun playing with yourself last night?

(Fry freezes up and looks guiltily shocked)

Fry (realizing):  OH!  You meant this thing! (Pulls out the Preventatron)  No, I didn't use it. 

Amy: Why?

Fry:  Well, I started thinking about what it would be like to “fade away”.  Creeped me out. 

Leela:  Wait. So you did understand what the Professor was talking about?

Fry:  A little.  That fading away thing stuck with me though, I don't know why…

(The three round a corner, and the Zoftig comes into view.  It is indeed an impressive vessel.  Zapp and Kif are welcoming guests aboard. Amy runs ahead and kisses Kif.)

Amy:  Happy birthday Kif! 

Kif (blushing):  Thank you Amy.  I’m glad you all could come…

Leela:  Hi Kif.  Happy-

Zapp: (stepping between them)  Well, well, Leela.  This is quite an erotic surprise. Titillating, even.  Or maybe it’s an erogenous surprise...

Kif (to Amy and Fry)Sigh ...he found my thesaurus yesterday.

Leela (quickly angered):  Zapp, you invited us.

Zapp (ignoring that):  My darling Leela, when will you realize exactly how much love I have for you?

Leela (sardonic): Oh? Exactly how much love is that, Zapp?

Zapp (taken off guard):  Uh… eighteen?

Leela:  Eighteen what?

Zapp (improvising):  Um… eighteen… love… hertz?

Leela (not amused):  Very clever Zapp...

Zapp (Finally noticing Fry): Oh, what’s he doing here?

Amy (stanch):  The invitation was for three people, Zapp.

Zapp (patronizing):  I meant three females.  Geez! I mean, I thought the boobies thing would have been enough to- oof!

Leela (pushing through him)  We’ll see you inside Kif.

Fry:  Happy Birthday, man!  (He attempts a high five but Kif is too befuddled by Amy’s exit to react in time)

(Cut to, the Zoftig’s entranceway.  The place is decorated fancily, and a hall leads to a dining area already abuzz with an assortment of humans and amphibions.  Someone taps Amy on the shoulder; she turns around, causing Fry and Leela stop as well)

Kif:  Amy, I just want to apologize for this party before it starts… you three are the only real friends of mine Zapp invited!  The rest seem to be random women, old friends of his, and people I assume he haphazardly selected from my planet!  Most don’t even know me… and I think some of Zapp’s old high-school buddies spiked the punch!

(Cut to a shattered punch bowl on the ground.  A caterer attempts to bring out another one)

Man:  Look, another!

Man 2:  Get it!

(One of them snatches the bowl, and promptly flings it to the ground.  They high five)

Amy (aghast): mutters in Cantonese

Leela (reassuring):  …well, it’s OK Kif.  Fry will fit in fine, and I’ll try to make the best of it.  I’m sure you and Amy will still have a wonderful dinner together…

(Cut to later: Zapp, Kif, Amy, Leela, 2 unknown amphibions, and an attractive human female around a table)

Zapp (already laughing):  And so I say to the waiter, “Bon appetite?  I’d like to bone a petite… woman!”  Ahahahaha!  (he slaps his thigh)

Kif: (hands over face)  Oh…

(Clearly bored, Amy gets up from her seat and whispers coyly into Kif’s ear)

Kif: Oh…well…I…uh…(sputter)…excuse us…f- for a minute please.

(The two scamper off together.  Leela looks on, and then glances to the empty seat next to her.  Fry’s jacket is draped over the back; she sighs)

Zapp:  So Leela… enjoying yourself? 

Leela (oozing sarcasm): Ohh... it’s wonderful. It reeeally Engelberts my Humperdinck.  We should do this more often.

Zapp:  You’d be having a better time if you didn’t hate everything about me, you know. (he winks)

Leela (breaking point): Listen here you insensitive (Her eye diverts)…what the…

(All eyes on board slowly turn to the large ship coming into view just outside the port window)

Woman:  What is that thing?

Leela:  It looks like a frigate!

Woman (confused):  A frigate?

Amphibion (surprised): A frigate?!

Leela (affirmative):  A frigate.

Zapp (clearly worried)  Oh, frig it…

_____________________________ ____

Please, as always, I ask you to comment and critique my work as you see fit, as well as give suggestions. 


I’ve determined that Tongue Luck is pretty cool.  Him and I share the same specific taste in women apparently…(notices gender symbol)  Uh…that is…She and I share…the…again?  EL!  Shaucker! What’s going on here?!      :D

Oh, and Shaucker,  congrats on Starship Captain!  What’s your ship’s name?

And now, I’m off to “beautiful” Seaside Heights NJ for the weekend...

« Reply #199 on: 07-15-2004 23:40 »

Originally posted by JBERGES:

Farnsworth:  Thanks a lot Zoidberg!  That’s coming out of your pay, you shellfish bastard!

That is so bad it's good.

Leela (cynical):  Amazing.  A genius one second, a senile old man using stool softener the next.

Fry:  I still don’t think that stuff is necessary (He sits on a nearby stool, which gives way away under his weight until he’s on the floor)

Hahaha....I like that one a lot. That's quite clever.

(One of them snatches the bowl, and promptly flings it to the ground.  They high five)

That's great, and only took me two or three reads to get. Where did you steal that gem from?

I’ve determined that Tongue Luck is pretty cool.  Him and I share the same specific taste in women apparently…(notices gender symbol)  Uh…that is…She and I share…the…again?  EL!  Shaucker! What’s going on here?!

Unbeknowst to most people, lesbianism has a form that is contagious through airborne contact. Welcome to the wide community of pasty men and women who wank to Leela, Tongue Luck  :laff:

Oh, and Shaucker,  congrats on Starship Captain!  What’s your ship’s name?

The Tessatura.
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