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Author Topic: Venus crawls out from under her rock  (Read 17414 times)
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DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #440 on: 12-05-2005 02:32 »

Out there, eh?  You mean out here?
  • 20,000 Leagues Under the Street
  • Descent of Mutant by Charles Darwin's impaled head
  • The Fall of the House of Flusher
  • Tom Sewer
  • Scents and Sensibility
  • Concerning Mutant Understanding
  • A Midsewer-night's Dream
    If you prefer less potty-oriented and more obscure, here's obscurity as only DrThunder can present it.
  • "The Raraven"
  • Lusus Nature of Things
asimov

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #441 on: 12-05-2005 09:51 »

just re-reading the last part fo your *great* story
 
Quote
Leela’s eyebrow shot up.
  laff must've missed it the first time round, cracked me up.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #442 on: 12-07-2005 19:09 »

Snartski wades in with a little opinion of the Fry/Leela relationship:

Leela was the first person that Fry met when he was unfrozen (reborn) in a different age.  Somehow he and she made some sort of connection when she saw how hard he fought to keep his freedom of choice with his life and decisons that he made; that he was willing to trust her to make the right decison for him after she chased him through the city.

Being ignored by his mother while he was growing up, Leela's rebuffs to his clumsy attempts to ask her for a date only inspire him to try harder - his is use to rejection and disappointment from the women in his life that he deems important.

Leela on the other hand has closed herself to the world because of her past of constant rejection.  She makes hopeful, but poor choices in her dating life.  She is seeking validation for her own self-worth by persuing 'successful' and 'important' men.  As hard as she tries, she just never seems to meet 'Mr. Right'.

Fry just doesn't appeal to her because he is not ambitious, yet she does get jealous if he pays attention to any other woman than herself.

This is where 'The Sting' comes in:  Leela basically is reborn after almost dying - the first person she sees is Fry at her bedside crying over her.  As she becomes more conscious and realizes what happened - she now realizes that she does have some worth to at least one person in the world - a person that she ignored and was abusive towards several times. 

This has to open her eye (metaphorically speaking):  Fry not only risked his life (and almost lost it) trying to protect her, but had also spent every moment by her side so that she wouldn't be alone, or at worst, die alone.  He had no ulterior motive - he wasn't trying to get her to date him or sleep with him; he was trying to save her life.  A totally selfless attempt that would hurt him and benefit her.

This has to bolster her self-esteem and make her view Fry very differently.

If the series had been allowed to live another couple of season, I think that we would have seen Leela using a kinder, gentler hand in dealing with Fry.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Marcus
Starship Captain
****
« Reply #443 on: 12-07-2005 19:32 »

Wow... you _have_ become shippy, haven't you?  big grin

Fun analysis, though, very psychological... part of your job?
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #444 on: 12-07-2005 20:53 »

Right on Ralph!

I was telling the same thing to my friend the other day! That's why I like Fry and Leela's relation so much. It’s too sad that the series was cancel before we could see how they ended up. In the last episode, they really show Leela's interest in Fry. She gives him many chances to impress her! (Also in the deleted scenes) At the end we can see that she's the only one interested in Fry's music but also she's interested in Fry's vision of their relation. (His vision of the “end “of the opera)

If only that series would come back or if they could do that movie so we could see the "real" ending of our beloved show….  Only time will tell!

Now on topic: Venus, when can we expect your next update? Can’t wait to read it!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #445 on: 12-07-2005 23:15 »

That's a really good analysis Ralph and most of it i agree with, but i must confess i'm a little confused about why it's here. Not that i mind, it's just a bit random is all.

Still looking for book titles!
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #446 on: 12-07-2005 23:40 »

I'm just a random type guy.

My 'assessment' is not important enough to open a thread for, but could easily dovetail with your story.

Plus it was an easy way to post on your thread and be on topic.

I wish that I could help with your search for 'Sewer Mutant Coffee Table Book Titles', but unfortunately, I'm not that intelligent or creative.  I will however enjoy what you find and how you incorporate them into your story.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #447 on: 12-08-2005 00:58 »

not coffee table books, just regular ones.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #448 on: 12-08-2005 02:42 »

Are you looking for books that would likely be flushed or mutant-based books?
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #449 on: 12-08-2005 12:39 »

mutant based.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #450 on: 12-08-2005 15:08 »

Happy early Chrismahanaquanzadon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taco Bellevue Hospital, just outside room 413
7:46 pm
Recovery: Day 1


Sitting dejectedly on a bench just outside Leela’s room Fry dragged the toe of his sneaker across the tile floor causing it to squeak. A little while earlier Dr. Marsters had come to retrieve Leela and taken her off to begin various medical tests. She hadn’t actually been gone all that long but to Fry it felt like forever and he already missed her. Over the past two weeks he’d gotten so used to having her around that it felt unnatural and disconcerting to not have her within sight-range. He had desperately wanted to accompany her but hadn’t been allowed. And Leela hadn’t helped his argument with her constant reassurances that she would be fine without his presence and she’d just see him when the tests were finished. So left with little choice but to sit and wait he had decided to move into the hallway so he could see her the second she came back.
 
The sound of a door opening down the hall drew his attention from his feet. They were finally returning. Dr. Marsters seemed to be discussing something with Leela as he directed her hover chair down the hallway, but they were too far away for Fry to hear what. Leela seemed somewhat subdued which Fry found alarming. He stood up to greet them as they got closer.

“So how’d everything go?” Fry asked cautiously as he opened the door to Leela’s room for them.

“We’ll get the toxicology reports in the morning, but the preliminary scans looked good.” Dr. Marsters answered as he parked the hover chair next to the bed. Leela wordlessly transferred herself to the bed’s edge being mindful not to get tangled in her I.V. line. She hadn’t wanted to use the chair to begin with but had gotten tired of arguing, especially after Dr. Marsters and Fry had ganged up on her.

“Well,” The doctor said as he powered up the hover-chair, “I’ll be back to check on you in the morning. If your results come back okay we’ll see about disconnecting all those wires.” 

Leela nodded listlessly. After the door shut behind the doctor Fry walked over and sat in his chair. Leela was still balanced on the edge of the bed which left the pair sitting facing each other.

“Hey, are you alright?” Fry asked gently. She nodded. “I’m just a little nervous is all. There were an awful lot of tests they wanted to do. They told me it was all precautionary but it’s almost like they’re expecting to find something horribly wrong.”

“What all did they do?”

“They gave me a complete physical, which I think I passed, and then they asked me some current events questions, I guess to test my memory. Then they did some scans and took some blood and spinal fluid. An-”

“Spinal fluid?! Ew!”

“It wasn’t exactly a picnic for me either. And then they brought me back here.”

“They feed you?”

She shook her head and held up the wrist with all the wires attached. “No, I’m still hooked to the feeding tube. They’ll remove it tomorrow.”

She turned, slid under her blanket and leaned back. When she did Fry’s jacket, which she had still had draped across her shoulders slipped a bit, reminding her that she still had it on. She sat up again and started to slip it off.

“I forgot to give this back.”

Fry grabbed her hand, halting her. “No, you hang onto it for a while, I can get it later.”

She regarded him for a moment. “You sure?”

“Yeah. You keep it for now.”

Leela smiled at his thoughtfulness. Fry could be so sweet sometimes. The guy wore his heart on his sleeve.

“That’s very sweet of you Fry. Now leave.”

Fry looked startled. “What?”

“Go home.”

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked looking hurt.

Leela shook her head. “No, Fry. You’ve been great all day, but it’s late and after I call my parents I’m going to go to bed.”

“Late?! But it’s not even eight-thirty!”

Leela looked surprised. “Really? It feels a lot later. In any case I’m going to go to sleep soon.”

“But you’ve been asleep for two solid weeks! How could you possibly be tired?” Suddenly realization hit and he stiffened. “Oh… I get it. You’re just trying to get rid of me. ‘Thanks for being there when I needed you, but now I don’t so don’t let the door hit you on the way out’ is that it?”

“No! That’s ridiculous! I really am tired. I’ve been poked and prodded, and injected, fluids drawn out, fluids put in, I’m stressed, I still feel guilty for what I’ve put everyone through and I’m exhausted.”

Fry relaxed slightly. She really did sound tired. But as the insult wore off his concern grew back. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving her side.

“But what if you need something?”

“That’s what the night staff is here for.”

He tried valiantly to think of another passable excuse. “But...but...umm...but what if you need something?” 

Leela rolled her eye. Dr. Marsters had been right. Getting Fry to leave would be difficult.

“Bring me my wristcom.”

Fry was a little confused with the sudden order, but he obeyed without question. He retrieved it from the chair that held her other personal items and handed it to her. She accepted it and placed it on her nightstand right beside her stress-toy.

“There. If I need you I can call you.”

“But what if the problem is that you’re not in any condition to call me?” He asked anxiously.

“Then the hospital will call you, that’s one of the perks of being listed as next-of-kin.”

Fry wavered, shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot. He wanted to obey her, he just didn’t want to leave her. What if she slipped back into her coma? What if the doctors had missed something and she just up and died?

“Why can’t I just stay here?” He pleaded. “I’ve slept in that chair for two weeks already.”

“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t do it anymore. Go home, sleep in your bed. And while you’re at it, take a shower and shave. Disheveled really isn’t your look.”

Fry moaned helplessly. Leela saw his distress and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” She said softly. “It’s no big deal.”

“Maybe to you it’s not.” He mumbled under his breath.

“What?”

“I said I’ll be back in the morning.” Fry said with defeat.

He stepped outside and the door shut behind him with what sounded like a smug thud. He hesitated. He really didn’t know what to do with himself at this point. It was only eight-thirty which meant Bender would be out and the apartment would be empty. But going out didn’t seem too attractive either. Glancing around the hallway he spied the bench he had been sitting on earlier. A slow grin spread across his face. What Leela didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Feeling triumphant he settled himself on the bench. It was even long enough for him to lie down which made it just as good as a bed. Or at least good enough to not feel guilty about being dishonest.

He’d only sat there for a few minutes when Amy’s phone, still in his pocket, rang. When he pulled it out and saw Leela’s name on the caller id his heart began to race. Something was wrong already?

He clicked the phone on. Leela’s wristcom didn’t have a video plug-in, so the screen remained black but he could hear her voice loud and clear.

“When I told you to go home, I meant it.” She stated firmly without greeting.

“Wha…how…?”

“I know you better than that. Now go home. I’ll be fine.”

Fry sighed. “Alright, I’m goin’.”

“Goodnight.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

He hung up and then mentally kicked himself. What if something really did happen and his last words ever to her were ‘yeah whatever’? For a moment he considered poking his head in her room and leaving with a more proper closing, but decided he’d just irritate her further. So left with no other choice he shoved the rising anxiety down and forced himself to walk away.


Robot Arms Apartment
7:08 am
Recovery: Day 2


For what must have been the twelfth time that night Fry awoke with a start. A glance at his bedside clock showed that it was just past seven a.m. He rolled over and moaned into his pillow. He hadn’t slept worth crap. All night he had been haunted by dreams of the hospital calling to inform him that Leela had died. The dreams had only gotten more intense after an actual call came through around two-thirty. It had only been one of Amy’s sorority sisters inviting her to an all night kegger, but for the few seconds between first hearing the rings and actually answering the call he had feared the worst. His anxiety was getting the better of him. He knew Leela wasn’t going to allow him to sleep at the hospital with her anymore. And sleeping at his apartment was something he was just going to have to get re-used to. But he just couldn’t help how he felt. The one person who meant the most to him had almost been lost and even though the threat appeared mostly over, the memories and fear were just too fresh to allow him to let his guard down.

Deciding he had gotten about as much sleep as he was going to get he rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. He showered and shaved, then dug up a fresh t-shirt from the mound of clean laundry he kept wadded in the corner of his bedroom. Once satisfied with his appearance he set out towards the hospital. If he had taken a cab he could have been there in ten minutes, but not wanting to crowd in on Leela’s alone time he opted for the twenty minute walk.

It was a warm day, not too hot, but nicely comfortable. Fry watched the people rushing past him. It seemed like New New Yorkers were always in a hurry. It was one of the things he had always liked about living in the city. There were always a lot of different kinds of people and a lot of things going on.

It was roughly eight-thirty by the time he made it to the hospital. Which meant Fry had gone exactly twelve hours without a Leela fix and he was more than ready to remedy that. He rushed to the nearest elevator and rode it up, fidgeting as he got closer to her floor. Once the doors opened he was off, shooting the nurses at the nurse’s station a quick wave as he passed. He slowed as he reached her room though, he didn’t want to seem too eager to see her. A guy had to maintain some dignity after all.

He opened her door and peaked in. She was still asleep, curled on her side facing the door. She had the collar of his jacket gripped in her hand, clutching it tight around her. She murmured something inaudible and burrowed herself in a little deeper, a soft smile flitting across her face. Fry watched her silently for a while awed to know that something of his could make her so happy.

Not wanting to disturb her he slowly backed out and allowed the door to close. Just staring at her for those few moments had completely erased all of the anxiety he had garnered during the night and for the first time in two weeks he felt calm. Happily humming the chorus of ‘Walking on Sunshine’ to himself he wandered in the direction of the gift shop. 


Taco Bellevue Hospital, room 413
9:16 am
Recovery: Day 2


Feeling surprisingly bored considering the short time she’d been awake, Leela tried to amuse herself by carving little designs into the jello she had been given by a hospital candy-striper. Earlier that morning her feeding tube had been removed and she’d been given the jello to test whether she could stomach solid foods after going two weeks without. But she had never really been a big fan of jello so she had taken to playing with it instead. The design she had been carving had grown rather intricate as her seldom used creativity sparked.

She was surprised Fry hadn’t shown up yet. She had fully expected him to be the first thing she saw when she awoke that morning but he hadn’t been. She was even more surprised that the fact he hadn’t been there had actually disappointed her. She wasn’t entirely sure why she was disappointed but whether she understood it or not the emotion was there. She even missed him a little bit. She found that to be a bit unusual. Fry was a good friend, she valued that friendship greatly, but she didn’t usually miss him when he wasn’t by her side. Possibly because her past had taught her never to get too attached. Attachment always led to pain. But Fry could be a hard guy to not get attached to. Especially when getting you attached was his main goal in life. After all he was a sweet guy. He appeared sincere. But then again, they all appeared sincere, at least at the beginning. And Fry did have a tendency to get bored with relationships amazingly quickly. Leela never really knew how to feel about him. And sometimes she didn’t feel like she knew what he really felt for her. It was all very confusing.

A sudden knock caught her attention and she looked up just as her door opened and a familiar face peeked in.

“Good, you’re awake! I was runnin’ outta things to do.” Fry stated as he stepped in. He had his arms hidden suspiciously behind his back.

“You were here earlier?” Leela asked.

“Yup. But you were sleeping and I didn’t wanta bug you.”

“You could have bugged me. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Fry smiled at her. “Brought you something!” He pulled his arms out from behind his back revealing a large bouquet. Flowers of all kinds were intertwined together in a configuration a lot more elaborate than the last bouquet he had gotten for her. But just as before the big eye-catcher was a centerpiece of Stargazer Lilies.   

Leela couldn‘t hide her amazement. “Ohhh, they’re beautiful, thanks Fry.”

“You deserve them.” He said earnestly as he handed the flowers to her. She looked up at him, somewhat confused.

“For what? Not dying?”

“Exactly.”

“But that was mostly your doing.” She pointed out.

“Not really, you could have died if you’d wanted to.”

Leela was silent for a few moments, considering for a moment what he had just said. She remembered full well the decision she had nearly made in her dream, right before Fry had pulled her back, while she was still in her coma. “Weird thing is, five years ago I would have.”

“What do you mean?”

Leela laid the flowers gently in her lap. “Well,” She said slowly as she stared down at her bouquet, “Five years ago I had a job I hated, no family, no friends. If this had happened back then nobody would have cared enough to sit at my bedside…I don’t think anyone would have even noticed I was gone. I had nothing worth coming back for…But that’s not true anymore.” She looked up, finally making eye-contact. “Also your doing.”

“Me? How?” He asked, surprised.

“You’re the reason I quit my old job, you’re the reason I found Planet Express, you’re the reason I have my family back, and you’re the reason I’m here now.”

Not really knowing where she was going with this, Fry chuckled nervously. “Wow! Sounds like I’ve been busy!”

“And I never really thanked you for it, have I?” She mused. “I am grateful though. For everything you’ve ever done for me. I haven’t forgotten any of it.”

Without noticing what he was doing Fry took her hand. “You don’t hafta thank me for anything Leela, I mean hey, it’s what I’m here for. Besides, just having you around is thanks enough. You being happy makes me happy.”

She smiled as she gazed at their clasped hands. “That’s really sweet. But I should really give you more credit. You’ve done more for me than anyone else in my whole life. And you at least deserve a thank you. So…Thank you. Having you stick by me like this really means a lot.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Fry said softly. They gazed into each others eyes and for a moment something seemed to spark between them. Something in the air around them changed and almost unconsciously they drew closer together. Fry’s hand moved from hers and slid up to her shoulder. Their heads tilted towards each other, eyes began to close as contact was about to be made. Then the sudden sound of the door opening made Leela jerk away as if she had been shot.

Amy froze as she realized what she had just interrupted. “Sorry!”

“No, no it was nothing.” Leela insisted, looking disconcerted. Fry groaned softly and gazed up at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in a ‘why me?’ gesture.

Flustered, Amy couldn’t seem to remember what she had wanted to say. “I uh...I was just…um, on my way to class…and I was uh…wondering if either of you needed me to bring anything back afterwards or something…”   

Fry looked incredulous. “That’s it?” He blurted. His moment with Leela had been wrecked for that?

Leela, oblivious to Fry’s frustration, thought for a moment. “Could you drop by my apartment and grab me a couple changes of clothes? And could you check on Nibbler while you’re at it? Poor thing must be starving.”

Amy brightened, being given an errand made her feel less guilty about ruining what had obviously been a very intimate moment.

“Sure! I’ll go right after class. And you don’t have to worry about Nibbler, your parents have been taking care of them.”

Leela looked relieved, and then worried. “God I hope he doesn’t eat my mom’s cat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think Layla's dead. I think the Cirque Du Soleil ate her.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #451 on: 12-08-2005 15:55 »
« Last Edit on: 12-08-2005 15:55 »

Very nice update.


 
Quote
I think Layla's dead. I think the Cirque Du Soleil ate her.


Do you think it ate Shiny, also?

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #452 on: 12-08-2005 16:11 »

Shiny's in Texas. The hicks got her.
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #453 on: 12-08-2005 16:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by *Venus*:
*“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Fry said softly. They gazed into each others eyes and for a moment something seemed to spark between them. Something in the air around them changed and almost unconsciously they drew closer together. Fry’s hand moved from hers and slid up to her shoulder. Their heads tilted towards each other, eyes began to close as contact was about to be made. Then the sudden sound of the door opening made Leela jerk away as if she had been shot...*


NOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!! Stupid Amy!!!!   mad

Venus, you just made my day! Thanks girl! That part was so good. I just can't find the words to describe it... Keep it up!

Btw, I'm going to kick the hell out the Cirque du Soleil if they took Layla. Their headquarters are 2miles south of were I am now! They better don't touch her and enslave her in their water shows!!!   tongue

Can’t wait for your next part Venus. 


Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #454 on: 12-08-2005 17:02 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:

Shiny's in Texas. The hicks got her.

Sweet Zombie Jesus!  Texas?  I worked in Texas for about 2 months back in the early 80's.  Let's just say that the inhabitants in Texas actually made Georgia's and the Carolina's look like Patricians in comparision...


Let me know if we need to start a rescue effort to get her outta there! 

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #455 on: 12-08-2005 17:07 »

Wow, your updates are really worth waiting for.. nicely done.

So when do we get more? Soon? Please? Pretty please? Sugar on top?  smile

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Crash_7

Professor
*
« Reply #456 on: 12-08-2005 18:52 »

Ah, that was definitely worth the wait.  Although I think you did give us a preview of this chapter some time ago in the "fanfic release" thread. 
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #457 on: 12-08-2005 19:51 »
« Last Edit on: 12-08-2005 19:51 »

Yay! An update from someone else besides me and Gorky  big grin! I loved that intimate scene, and I loved how it was ruined. There was one line that I didn't like though,

 
Quote
Not really knowing where she was going with this, Fry chuckled nervously. “Wow! Sounds like I’ve been busy!”

I understand why that was there but I didn't like that it was there. Also lines like that are tacky in my book. I'm gonna assume that as the story goes on Leela's gonna get back to normal cause she's kind of a softy right now. But she's only been awake for 2 updates   tongue. And I understand that at this point she needs to be nicer. However I'm just not used to her like this so it's hard to picture.

But I'm loving it so keep a-rollin.
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #458 on: 12-08-2005 20:23 »

I like it.I can't wait to see what happens next.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #459 on: 12-08-2005 20:27 »

Spacedal, The Sting was towards the end of the series run, and if I remember correctly, Leela seemed to be more tolerant of Fry and seemed to treat him a little more respect.  She was the first to hubt for his nose when the Omacronians stole it, and she was the one that attempted to help him escape from Lrr and his 'lower horn extraction' device.  Also, in Devils Hands, earlier Leela wouldn't have even let Fry near her with an opera, at the end she was the only one who supported him.  Who is to say that this experience didn't make her turn into a softy for him?  Venus put it right:  Leela never had anybody care about her before - certainly not enough to risk their life for her.  That is a big eye-opening there for her.

Venus story rocks - it's a pity that this didn't get to be an episode:  'The Sting, Part II'.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #460 on: 12-08-2005 20:36 »

I know that. But she didn't pull a 360 of change and became a nice-nice lady. She did all of that with the same attitude which is what I like.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #461 on: 12-08-2005 23:22 »
« Last Edit on: 12-09-2005 00:00 »

Leela realizes she's given Fry (and her parents)a mighty big scare. She's also making some realizations about Fry, plus don't forget she's just awoken from her nightmare that Fry was dead, that's why she's being a bit nicer right now. She's not all nicy-nice for the whole story. I'm a shipper so you can't actually be all that surprised that i fit a scene like that in there.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #462 on: 12-09-2005 03:53 »
« Last Edit on: 12-09-2005 03:53 »

   
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
I think Layla's dead. I think the Cirque Du Soleil ate her.

Cirque Du Soleil doesn't eat people.  It just eats their souls.  Also, JBERGES.

I found some of the Leela/Fry stuff a little corny.  Some of it, in fact, seemed like creamed sweet corn mixed with high fructose corn syrup, but I am a horrible, horrible person.

Also, I take it by "still looking" you mean "those are not good enough, Thunder."  I will redouble my efforts.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #463 on: 12-09-2005 07:00 »

Corny in a really bad way?


Also 'still looking' what?
David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #464 on: 12-09-2005 16:02 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
“Hey, are you alright?” Fry asked gently. She nodded. “I’m just a little nervous is all. There were an awful lot of tests they wanted to do. They told me it was all precautionary but it’s almost like they’re expecting to find something horribly wrong.”

This should be two paragraphs.  Like this:

“Hey, are you alright?” Fry asked gently.

She nodded. “I’m just a little nervous is all. There were an awful lot of tests they wanted to do. They told me it was all precautionary but it’s almost like they’re expecting to find something horribly wrong.”

 
Quote
He opened her door and peaked in.

I think that you mean "peeked", not "peaked".

 
Quote
“Sure! I’ll go right after class. And you don’t have to worry about Nibbler, your parents have been taking care of them.”

This should be: "your parents have been taking care of him.”

Sorry I don't have any non-technical comments to add other than my usual thumbs up. 
electric

Crustacean
*
« Reply #465 on: 12-09-2005 17:28 »

I'm somewhat of a lurker around here. I haven't posted in this thread before, but I've been reading your updates for a few months now.

First off, your story is really good. I'm such the shipper, and this definitely satisfies my recommended dose of shippy. I loved the Leela/Fry "almost" moment, yet also liked how Amy decided to walk in at the least convenient time.

But I have one critique about the story in general:

It doesn't exactly feel like Futurama anymore. I feel like Fry has been out of character for much of the story. Now that she's finally woken up, Leela kind of seems out of character as well. I can definitely understand the whole situation that they're in, and why they might not be acting like their normal selves, but still...I just can't imagine either of them acting quite like this.

Don't hate me! This doesn't mean that I don't like your story. I think it's well written, and The Sting is one of my favorite episodes so it's interesting to look at it from another perspective and see what happened afterwards. You're actually one of my favorite writers on here, along with Shiny and Layla. I'm looking forward to more updates, to see where this story goes!   smile
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #466 on: 12-09-2005 23:37 »

Aaawww i failed.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #467 on: 12-10-2005 00:17 »
« Last Edit on: 12-10-2005 00:17 »

Aw... why am I always placed outside of of the Venus/Shiny/Layla sphere of awesomeness?!

I mean, I know I'm not as awesome, but I have a feeling it's the estrogen!  I'm working on it!!   cry  tongue

While I do agree that Fry and Leela are a bit out of character, it hasn't affected my enjoyment of the story.  As I said earlier, it took me a bit to get used to it, but this is your interpretation and your style; it needn't perfectly copy the origin.  That said, I enjoyed this last part; it brought out that little bit of shipper in me.  Glad you were finally able to update Venus, I haven't had much time or success as of late.

I'll be around PEEL more soon... really!
electric

Crustacean
*
« Reply #468 on: 12-10-2005 01:16 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Aw... why am I always placed outside of of the Venus/Shiny/Layla sphere of awesomeness?!
Well, actually...

I've heard very good things about your writing, but, um...I haven't exactly gotten around to reading any of your stuff yet. I blame my university, as it really uses up way too much of my life. But during Christmas holidays I'm sure I'll have lots of time to read Futurama fics, and yours are at the top of my list. Seriously.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #469 on: 12-10-2005 02:09 »

I still failed. I'm so pathetic. Do you guys want the rest of the champagan?
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #470 on: 12-10-2005 04:43 »

Only if we can have it with the guac-a-mole.
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #471 on: 12-10-2005 12:45 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
Leela realizes she's given Fry (and her parents)a mighty big scare. She's also making some realizations about Fry, plus don't forget she's just awoken from her nightmare that Fry was dead, that's why she's being a bit nicer right now. She's not all nicy-nice for the whole story. I'm a shipper so you can't actually be all that surprised that i fit a scene like that in there.

I understand that. But I -like everyone who has posted on the last update has said- think that this is out of the Futurama style not just the fact that Fry and Leela are out of character.

It seems to me that this was like the final episode. Because even after The Sting, Leela still rejected Fry. Like The Farnsworth Parabox, ok she did agree to go out with him at the end but that whole episode she made excuses not to. And from this last update it just seems like if they got together then the rest of the episodes wouldn't be valid. And I'm really getting annoyed with Fry's behavior, again I understand why he's acting the way he is but you're pushing it just a little.

As for the whole thing in general, there's not that much humor, you have done a great job with Bender still being funny but that only reminds me of how much more the rest of the story isn't like that. You've done a really good job of writing and I really like your story but it's too serious I think, not as fun. I seriously thought that it was gonna be over when she woke up. Now  I can't help but wonder where it'll go from here which is what makes me keep reading it.

(Pardon if that came of rude). 


Best Fucking Friends Forever?
Jensor

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #472 on: 12-10-2005 12:55 »

I've been reading your store the last few days, Venus, and I must say that I am very impressed.  Whenever I'm on TLZ, I usually hunt for the ones that are exactly like this.  But enough with my praises.  I couldn't help but throw my two cents in while reading Spacedal's comment.

 
Quote
As for the whole thing in general, there's not that much humor, you have done a great job with Bender still being funny but that only reminds me of how much more the rest of the story isn't like that. You've done a really good job of writing and I really like your story but it's too serious I think, not as fun. I seriously thought that it was gonna be over when she woke up. Now  I can't help but wonder where it'll go from here which is what makes me keep reading it.

All I can say is that this is the way the fic is.  It's not meant to be 100% in character or completely true to the story.  We all know what happenes after this episode, so we know Venus can't add a new ending (provided she's sticking with the series which I believe she is).  As far as I understand, it has to turn out after this recovery period with the two apart, but still friends, as in the series.  On another note, humor is something that has to be used carefully in these types of drama fics.  If used too often or in a bad place, it can really kill the mood and mess up a good story.  I, for one am very satisfied with the way things are going now and it'd be a shame for it to change.

All in all, A++!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #473 on: 12-10-2005 14:49 »

Don't worry Spacedal Fry and Leela will not end up together. I've said before that this is supposed to fit with established canon. This isn't an alternate universe fic.

And i've also said before that i'm not good enough at writing humor to keep this exactly in line with the way the show is. The disclamer at the begining of the story even warns that this is more like a lifetime movie of the week.
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #474 on: 12-10-2005 17:18 »

Yeah, but a good lifetime movie of the week.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #475 on: 12-11-2005 05:34 »
« Last Edit on: 12-11-2005 05:34 »

Hey, corn isn't bad.  It's just that not everybody likes corn, and if you have too much of it, it starts shoing up in your turds.  Come to think of it, not only is that a hopelessly bad metaphor, I don't even remember what I was talking about.

And book titles, V.  Book titles.  But don't worry, I will come up with a better second batch.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #476 on: 12-11-2005 07:20 »

Hey Venus! I haven't posted in your thread before (at least I don't think I have...) but I've been reading your story and I love it! I agree that Fry and Leela are maybe a little out of character, but I understand that it's necessary for the story and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. And I don't care about the lack of humour in some parts 'cause, like you said, it's a drama fic. I really like your style!

I've been waiting for this part for ages and it was definitely worth it. Now I've just got to wait for the next one. Keep writing and bringing us joy!  smile
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #477 on: 12-12-2005 21:40 »

Hey, Venus;

Sorry I've gone Elvis recently, and very, very sorry missed your update; I'm even more sorry I don't have time to read it with the attention it deserves right now.   frown

No excuses, I've basically just had a lot of things to handle here in non-cyberspace.  I still kinda do.  But now that I know new Venus fic is waiting for me, I'll have more incentive to hustle back here quick, 'kay?

Yours ever sincerely,
Shiny

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #478 on: 12-12-2005 23:00 »

Don't hurry too quickly. Seems i may have jumped the shark.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #479 on: 12-13-2005 01:16 »

Venus, you are nowhere near wearing a leather jacket and strapping on a pair of skis.

I enjoyed your story, and I look forward to further installments.  For the people that complain about 'not following canon', even the writers of Futurama didn't follow their own canon if it served the purpose for an episode.  That is the same with any fics - the writer is placing their ownview of how things are and how they should be.

Also, don't beat yourself up about the humor part - a lot of Futurama's humor was visual and audiable - very difficult to do with a written story.  Another point is that 'The Sting' was never suppose to be a 'funny' episode - it was as serious as Futurama ever got - it dealt with death, Leela's guilt, how she was going insane over her guilt and her feelings for Fry that she always denied.  This was not an ep known for a mile-a-minute nonstop laughs.  Your story reflects that, except it is not focused on Leela (since she's in a coma) but on Fry and the PE Crew way of dealing with the injury and possible death of a trusted coworker and friend.

You teased a kiss from Leela to Fry - that is well supported in canon (A Flight to Remeber, Xmas Story) - and Leela has actually kissed Fry before (Insane In The Mainframe, The Why Of Fry).  That in no way means that you are planning to make them a 'happily-ever-after' couple.

Please don't think badly about your story - it's very entertaining and I (along with others) wait to see what your interpretation of how the relationship between Fry and Leela progresses as she heals.

Eps after 'The Sting' did show Leela still being something of an Ice Queen with the others, but she was much more tolerant of Fry.  I think that your story fits in canon quite well.


Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
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