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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Uh oh, newbie fanfic! « previous next »
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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 13215 times)
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Bending Unit
« Reply #360 on: 01-03-2005 22:23 »
« Last Edit on: 01-03-2005 22:23 »

I just read the re-write in part 32! It is great stuff - (up to your usual quality!) I appreciate that you removed the Amy blurt bit, it made her seem too dim (she may be a clutz but she is an engineering student!) Kudos also for making Zapp come across as even more pompous, stupid, self absorbed, and revolting!

We loves hating Zapp. Katy and controversial eh? Now I am intrigued! Keep it up!!!

Wow TOTPD finally!

Starship Captain
« Reply #361 on: 01-03-2005 23:50 »

I just read both of the chapters. Great work,I'm looking forward to more updates.

Bending Unit
« Reply #362 on: 01-04-2005 05:58 »
« Last Edit on: 01-04-2005 05:58 »

the rewrite is good, but chapter 33 is great, especially the description of the insides of fry's mind. and the part with zoidberg (before nibbler starts talking) is like a comic interlude, it's fantastic

Urban Legend
« Reply #363 on: 01-06-2005 00:47 »

Chapter 32 Edit: Excellent.  You kept all the wonderful bits from Zapp, added even more stupidity on his part while fixing Amy's, and brought in a couple mentions of Kif.  I love that guy.

Chapter 33: ...You seem to know guys pretty well.  Suggestion: One of the Leelas has to be in a Princess Leia Bikini.  It's one of those clichés that's pretty much obligatory in this situation.  Back to the top...
pain, fiery, blistering, nipples-caught-in-a-blender pain.
Women are so much better at description, don't you think?

The mental image of Zoidy crying over the TV was one of the funniest I've ever had.  Nibbler's monologue kinda feels like filler...but I guess it needs to be there for everyone who had started missing him after six or seven chapters.
You there, and you, with the moustache, and you, with the shapely hips-”

“Me, sir?” a young man asked nervously.

“No, not you, the one with the breasts!”

“Me, sir?” came the deep voice.

“No! The woman! The three of you, you’re coming with me to the bridge.
Best.  Dialogue.  EVER.

That's all for now.  Looking forward to new chapters now that things are in motion.  And perhaps some previously unexplored (i.e. made up on the spot) backstory for Fry in the form of "Katy," perhaps?  Translation: Give me more!

Urban Legend
« Reply #364 on: 01-06-2005 01:06 »

So wait... I'm now in charge beta-ing, editing, technobabble, and Zapp?  I'd better set some time aside when you finish this, eh?

I think you underestimate yourself a bit, any of the duties you set upon me won't require nearly the effort (if any at at) you think they will.  Your first draft is better than you think it is.

I like where you brought the plot with the edit as compared to what you had.  The flow seemed to be a bit interupted where you rerouted it, but that'll be easy to gloss over.  As for the new part, you have me extremely interested in who this "Katy" is.  But is the name some sort of homage to Katey Segal?

Urban Legend
« Reply #365 on: 01-06-2005 01:36 »

aaaawww Bergey gets all the good jobs. I wanna job!

Avatar Czar
DOOP Ubersecretary
« Reply #366 on: 01-06-2005 01:42 »

I have a new fanfic, it's entitled "Sextastic":

Amy had sex with Leela.  Mom had sex with Ignar.  The professor sexed up Zoidberg.  Zapp and Kif masturbated in one another's eyes.  Hermes was a slut.  Fry and Bender became robosexuals.  Orgytastic time!

And that's only the opener!!!!  big grin

Urban Legend
« Reply #367 on: 01-06-2005 02:29 »

...umm. This is Layla's fanfic thread. Get your own, unless you have no intention of writing a fic in which case stop spamming.

Bending Unit
« Reply #368 on: 01-06-2005 12:02 »

Okay, before I can update, I need the answer to a very important question. Does Fry's mom have a canon name? If she doesn't, Venus can suggest one.  wink (or anyone else)

Ol'coot: Ah, thank you. I am much relieved that you liked the rewrite. I agree that she isn't really stupid. I've always loved the idea of her being an engineering student. That's what I get for going for a cheap laugh.  smile

Philp_J_Fry: Thanks! Updates coming soon I hope!

morbo_it: I'm surprised how much people liked Zoidy, because I figured they might have gotten a little tired of seeing him cry. But then, I suppose it doesn't really get old does it?

N-O-R: I'm relieved you like the edit. About the bikini, you see, that's why ou guys help me out so much. I never would have thought of that on my own, cliche or no. Not enough testosterone I guess.

It depends on what we're describing, whether we're better or not.  wink

Now I get to say it! Ha! You're wrong! BWahahaha! Nibbler's monolgue is in fact, set up to what should be a lot of fun! Ha!
(Um... have I told you lately how mych I love you?) I won't say anymore about Katy, but, I am laughing deviously even as I type.

JBERGES: Ah, you can handle it. You're a writer! I'm flattered you think my first draft is good, but it really does need alot of tightening here and there. Plus, when it's done, I'll be able to unify the beginning and ending better.

Katy as homage to Katey? Uh, sure! That's not fortuitous coincidence at all!

Venus, you have a very important job, oh keeper of the secret that no one else knows.
Also, writing the story of joy. Also, protecting me from Winna, also, if you want, checking over the secrety bits, cause I think they'll be hard to write.

Winna: Hi! That's my fault I guess, cause of what I titled the thread. (Hides behind Venus.)

Urban Legend
« Reply #369 on: 01-06-2005 13:46 »

You mean i get to be Keeper of the Spoilers? Yes! Take that everyone who doesn't know what's gonna happen next and that includes Berges!

I don't believe Fry's mom has a canon name. I'll try to think of one.

Space Pope
« Reply #370 on: 01-06-2005 19:36 »

With me in between stories, Tongue Luck in between sections, and Gorky having apparently fallen off of Earth, it's up to you to keep the fanfic community afloat for a bit.

Um...okay, that's what happened...I fell off the Earth. I'll go with that.

*coughs nervously*

Anyway, enough about me and my untimely, half-effective demise (I did post another part of my fic, though, JBERGES). I'm back now, and all that matters is that I'm here to annoy everyone again (Hooray!)

Anyway, Layla, I've read through the last 7 or so parts of your incredible fic, and I feel like my head's about to explode (but in a good way). Here's what I thought, articulated as incomprehensibly as possible...


This is one of the funniest parts in recent memory. I mean, Leela and Bender's interplay with "Bob" was just hilarious (dig the whole RPS thing), and the Gardenia II story was great. Oh yeah, and the line about how easy it is to manipulate men...so true, so true.


Nice. For some reason, it reminds me of one of my fave books of all time, "Flowers for Algernon". Just the way it's written brings back memories of how Charlie Gordan reflects on his life. It's introspection, but a different kind of introspection. It's not quite patronizing, but there's something unique about it. (Shameless plug for a 40 year-old book: I highly recommend "Flowers for Algernon" to anyone who's never read it...I read it when I was a kid, and I've never gotten tired of it since).


Action-packed goodness with an emotional moment, too (Leela reflecting on Fry's condition). Great, as always.


Yeah, it's very emotional, and Fry, to me, seems a tad out of character, but you squeezed a few gags in. And how can one not enjoy this part when Fry's interaction with Seymour is so sweet?


Things I Liked:
-Farnsworth was "dissecting her (Chastity) with his eyes"
-Farnsworth hitting on Chastity, which is disgustingly funny

And more, but that's what really jumped out at me.

Oh yeah, and, at this point, I feel the need to say that you are like the Queen of Introspection. I mean, you get into every character's backstory (in this case, Chastity's), no matter how minute a role they play (not to assume that Chastity is playing a small role or anything...)


Things me liked...ey
-Yancy Sr.'s moments (i.e. "commie potato farmer" )
-The made up word "sexcapades" is so funny, which is why I've used it in some of my own fics
-The interaction between Morris and Munda was sweet
-Character interaction is a big thing on Futurama, and the way Morris and Bender had their little togetherness moment is a great tribute to that
-The return of the SHIPPY...love it!


"Epitome of Greatness" moments
-"Nipples-caught-in-a-blender pain"--disturbingly funny and true (not like anything like that has ever happened to me...*whistles nonchalantly*)
-Leela in Fry's mind is great
-Zapp is hilarious
-Me likey shippy (i.e. a line like "'He's great, of course, he is. Cute, sweet, funny, etcetera!' And she meant it."

Well, I guess I'm spoiled now, because I got to read so many great parts in a row. Now I have to wait like you mere *shudders* mortals. Seriously, though, keep it up, Layla.


Urban Legend
« Reply #371 on: 01-08-2005 02:33 »

Possible names for Fry's mom, randomly pulled from thin air by Venus:

Nancy  (Yancy and Nancy Fry *snicker*)

specifically Irish names:

And that's all i got. I tried to think of names that fit with the last name Fry.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #372 on: 01-10-2005 22:19 »

Heehee... I have a Fry family on the Sims 2 and the mom's name is Nancy...

/end off-topic-ish dorkiest sentence ever

Bending Unit
« Reply #373 on: 01-13-2005 13:20 »
« Last Edit on: 01-13-2005 13:20 »

I discovered this thread several days ago, and obviously, got hooked. So I've read, and loved, what you've got so far. Brilliant plot, great dialogue, characters spot on etc. I could go on, what's not to love?
Anyway, I won't shower you in all compliments thinkable (yet!), until you show up with your next update   big grin (Kidding, kidding...sort of   tongue)
Please come back! *sits down and waits*

Bending Unit
« Reply #374 on: 01-13-2005 17:35 »

Well, I was going to put this off till tommorow so I could add all the plot elements that I'm currently juggling, but you've been patient so long, I feel a bit guilty.

Venus, Nancy, then! That's great, thanks!

Part 34:

   Fry woke up when something touched his forehead. It took a minute for him to remember where he was, and that he had no idea where it was that he was and that that was okay cause ‘that’s the way it was.

At this point, he decided he much preferred sleep to running around this bewildering place talking with people he suspected weren’t really who they looked like. Better to keep his eyes shut. Sleep refused to claim him again however, and after thinking about it for a time, Fry realized why.

Dad had apparently gotten him to the mountains, because he was lying just inside the opening of the cave, carefully positioned so that a jagged rock was digging directly into his spine.

   “Oww!” he whined petulantly, wishing Yancy Senior had not been so adamant that ‘you can’t spell comfort without the first three letters in communist.’ He wasn’t big on company, or communication either, and don't get him started on computers.

   “Easy now,” came the soothing voice. Fry snapped his eyes open to take in the woman who had laid a hand on his forehead as she watched over him.

   “Mom?” he asked, surprised, despite his private resolution not to let anything else surprise him.

   Nancy Fry hummed an aimless tune low in her throat, maternal worry brimming in her eyes. “My poor baby,” she murmured, stroking his hair.

   Fry stared at the woman for a few moments before coming to a decision. Pushing her hand away from his head, he stood up and took a few quick steps backwards. “You’re not my mother,” he said firmly, glaring at her suspiciously before a wave of dizziness assailed him and he swayed. His mother tried to steady him but he pulled away violently and fell in an ungraceful heap. “She hardly knew she had kids.”

   The familiar, yet unfamiliar woman blinked in confusion, her blank expression hitting him with a sentimental pang. That was more like his mother, distant, dreamy, unless she was watching the playoffs. She was unusual in that. In her ferocious obsession, even devotion to sports, she seemed to forget everything else around her, and more often then not, that included her sons. Fry knew she loved them though, despite that, but seeing this open concern threw him for a loop. It just wasn’t… mom.

   Nancy Fry, or whoever, or whatever she actually was, tried again. “Philip? Please, baby, come back to us. Where have you gone?” It was said in that airy way she had, but with such an undercurrent of pleading that Fry had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around her. He hated to see people cry, particularly Leela, and with the notable exception
of Zoidberg. The doctor’s pathetic sobs just bounced off him somehow. Tears gathered in her eyes. His mother or not, he couldn’t ignore her.

   “I’m right here.” He offered, spreading his arms. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.” A trickle of suspicion remained with him, even as she accepted the brief hug. “You never worry.” But despite that, she did indeed, look terribly worried. “You know, unless there’s a player strike,” he added, trying to break tension.

   “My sweet boy,” she murmured, reaching out to touch his face. Fry stepped back, but caught her hand gently to remove the sting of rejection.

   “Uh, so, where are we?” he asked, changing the subject. “Where’d dad go?”

   The warmth that had been her eyes vanished abruptly as she shrugged casually. “Oh, he’s around. Why don’t you ask him? I have to watch the plays of the week.” She started to walk away.

   Fry yelped in alarm and tugged her back. “Wait!” He scrambled for words less cowardly than, ‘I don’t want to be left alone,’ settling for, “stay with me… it could be dangerous.”

   “Sure, whatever.” She capitulated easily.

   Zapp Brannigan strode onto the bridge, his elegant, velour lined boots pounding on the deck with echoing clangs that he appreciated, nearly as much as the sound of his own voice. The agents trailing him scattered away from him the instant the opportunity arose, two managing to slip back off the bridge before he noticed. Zapp didn’t particularly care, the breasts- uh, the woman was still there, and that was fine with him. Apparently, she was important too, apparently. Whatever.

   He snapped out an order to a frazzled looking crewmember. “You… what’s your name-?”

   “Uh, it’s K-” the crewmember began, but Zapp interrupted.

   “I don’t care what it is, soldier, haven’t you heard of a ritor-rickle question before?”

   “Well, no si-” the poor fellow tried to respond.

   “Kif! Take this smart alice crewman off my bridge and tell him what ritor-rickle means!” Kevin Burquart, the crewman, stared around him in dismay. Lieutenant Kroker wasn’t on the bridge, in fact, he hadn’t seen the diminutive officer in some time. Brannigan was shamelessly and awkwardly hitting on the female agent, assuming his orders were being carried out without question. “As captain of this vessel, it is my duty to tell you that you must be this beautiful,” his voice dropped seductively, “to ride the me.”

   After a few nervous glances behind the captain’s back, he decided to take himself off the bridge to find a dictionary, or maybe a thesaurus, since the last time he’d tried to look up one of the captains’ obscure phrases, he hadn’t been able to find it. Sighing heavily, the man left the bridge.

   “It does them good, these men, when you broaden their hoary zones a bit.” Zapp was saying sotto voce to the irritated woman, “Keeps them on their toes, like a surprise attack.”

   “Excuse me, Captain, but shouldn’t you be reporting the capture of the prisoners to the President?”

   “Ah, yes, of course, my lovely-” he was practically drooling. “I was just thinking of that.” The agent had doubts he was thinking at all. Dropping a kiss on her palm, he said suavely, “Sorry, miss, but duty calls, and it waits for no man, even a noble captain, like myself. Yes, the wheels of fate keep spinning and the sands of time are always gathered into the nest by ravenous birds- “

   “Sir, we’ve put your call though to the President’s office.

A ridiculously bright tune came through the speakers followed by Nixon’s slobbery voice, “Earth President Nixon, here. Arroo, to my friends and neighbours on any worlds that pose an immediate threat to earth. I can’t come to the screen right now, so if you could hold off with destroying us for just a little while, I’m sure we can straighten all this out with a few violent executions of Earth citizenry. Leave a message at the tone, or call back later. Unless this is Morbo, you old dog, in which case, I’ll see you at the poetry reading on Friday. I’m doing “Jabberwocky” by Louis Carroll, are you still planning on the Frost poems? Arroo, here it comes… <BEEP!>” came a piercing squeal.

   “Endgame.” Zapp intoned heavily.

   “What do we do now sir?”

   “We wait, soldier, we wait… for the tone.”

   “Uh, I think that was the tone, sir.”

   “What was?”

   “That beep. You know, <BEEP!>” he squealed in a fairly accurate imitation.

   “Don’t be foolish, man. That was clearly a beep, and not a tone. We must do as he says and wait for the tone, so we can record our name and number. And write down the time we called. I’m never looking at a watch when they ask me that.

   “And that’s why Richard Nixon is Morbo’s personal friend.” The news monster finished jauntily while his normally inhumanly perky partner Linda shuddered in terror. When she hadn’t laughed politely after a few seconds, Morbo boomed, “Back to you, puny co-anchor.” Jolted out of her alarm, Linda regained her composure.

   “Heh heh heh.” She laughed easily, “I didn’t even know you could do that with a microphone.”

   “Now you know.” The intimidating creature responded, staring directly at the camera.

   “Well, you heard it here first, folks.” The blonde beamed at her unseen audience, flashing her white teeth. “In related news, Earth President Nixon declared a police action would be directed against the mutant population of Earth, beginning with the large society dwelling in New New York.” Linda looked airily thoughtful. “That represents a major change in this administration’s policy towards genetic inferiority. We turn now to Morbo for commentary.”

   “Morbo feels that this is clearly an instance of the blackened soup receptacle classifying the tea-boiling device as dingy.”

   Like most of their viewers, it took the perky news anchor several seconds to piece that phrase together, then she chuckled again.

   “Excellent commentary, Morbo.” He acknowledged her praise with the slightest nod. Linda turned to the camera again. “That takes us to the end of our broadcast for today, stay tuned for the hit sequel to,” her voice became suddenly monotone, “‘Everybody Loves Hypnotoad,’ ‘Late Night with the Hypnotoad’” and now her voice returned to it’s usual bubbly energy,” with tonight’s special guest, The Head of Jerry Seinfeld.”

The huge, dark green, veiny head of Morbo inclined slightly. Linda laughed and patted him on the arm, turning back to the camera, she missed seeing his massive, slitted eyes narrow on her, menacingly. “Goodnight, New New York, and may God have mercy on us all. Heh heh heh! ”

She waited expectantly, never looking away from her mark. Morbo did not look away from his either. After several beats, her eyes darted to the side and she kicked him from under the table. Still, he did not move, so she improvised as any good television personality would. “This is Linda and Morbo, saying,” she lowered her voice as far as she could and bellowed, “I will destroy you!” Morbo blinked his yellow eyes, then turned towards the camera and laughed lightly, well as lightly as he could, which was still enough to freeze the hearts of many. 
Kind of a weird place to stop, but it'll serve. (Hey, I'm paraphrasing somebody... can't remember who.)

Hope that was mildly entertaining. I am working, don't worry and I haven't forgotten you! Thanks! (Hopefully another update this weekend.)

Bending Unit
« Reply #375 on: 01-13-2005 18:06 »

Yay, it looks like I chose the right day to comment (as if that had any effect on your updating  tongue).

This was great and exciting. I really like the storyline that's happening inside Fry's head. Oh, and Morbo was too funny:
“Morbo feels that this is clearly an instance of the blackened soup receptacle classifying the tea-boiling device as dingy.”

Urban Legend
« Reply #376 on: 01-13-2005 18:12 »

heehee! i love nixons answering machine message! And Zapp's mixed whatchacallems!

Yay you picked Nancy! I'm an influence! Weeeeeeeeeee!

Although i do miss Leela, i wish she would come back.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #377 on: 01-13-2005 19:40 »

OHHHH!! I LOVED the Fry/Mom scene! That was incredibly cute and strange. I WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON!!

Originally posted by Layla50:
“As captain of this vessel, it is my duty to tell you that you must be this beautiful,” his voice dropped seductively, “to ride the me.”

I'm really serious when I say that I laughed so hard that my dad asked me what the hell I was doing.

I loved Nixon's answering machine too... that was great stuff.

Originally posted by Layla50:
Yes, the wheels of fate keep spinning and the sands of time are always gathered into the nest by ravenous birds

OK, I so have a new motto.

I'm SO glad you updated!! Yay!! It depressed me to have nothing to read.

Bending Unit
« Reply #378 on: 01-14-2005 15:08 »
« Last Edit on: 01-14-2005 15:08 »

nothing to say that you can't guess from my username. morbo is one of my favourite characters, and morbo was great, the best of all! and i loved the "ritor- rickle" question too..

Urban Legend
« Reply #379 on: 01-14-2005 15:36 »

See, Zapp is easy to write, Layla!  That part was fast paced and well written.  Zapp's ride line, the pot/kettle thing, and this:

Morbo blinked his yellow eyes, then turned towards the camera and laughed lightly, well as lightly as he could, which was still enough to freeze the hearts of many.

Were all great.   

Starship Captain
« Reply #380 on: 01-14-2005 23:00 »

Heh, great chapter.Update soon!  big grin
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
« Reply #381 on: 01-14-2005 23:33 »

Ooh, I've been reading this story, and I must say, it's GREAT! It's much better than most of the fanfiction I read. It's sweet, sad, shippy...and you've managed to mix some humor in, too. (Zapp's poem was priceless. 'Nuff said.)

Venus, I'm intrigued by this story you guys speak of. Where can I find some previews, or something?

Space Pope
« Reply #382 on: 01-15-2005 11:53 »
« Last Edit on: 01-15-2005 11:53 »

Not much to add to what everyone else said, Layla. I'm loving the story with Fry (wondering what's up with Leela, though), and you're improving with your Zapp writing (as JBERGES said). I also enjoyed the Linda/Morbo stuff, and the message on Nixon's machine. Eagerly awaiting more, as always.

Oh yeah, and Shippy Mandy, you can find some of Venus's awesome stuff in these two threads:

Fanfic Release Dates (you'll have to search around, but I believe that there are some parts around pages 10 and 11...)

Fanfic Masterpieces: Fanfic Release Date (again, you may have to search around for it...)

Hope that helps, and, since I have yet to say it, welcome to PEEL!

Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
« Reply #383 on: 01-15-2005 13:49 »

Thanks. It looks good so far, Venus!

Bending Unit
« Reply #384 on: 01-15-2005 14:11 »

The bits with Fry and his 'mother' were choice, kinda creepy and sweet at the same time. What can I say, I love her take on Zap!!

Bending Unit
« Reply #385 on: 01-15-2005 15:37 »

Wow, I've missed out on a lot! Note to self: Don't be gone from PEEL so long, no matter how many tests you have!

I love this, especially the part where all the girls Fry's ever fantasized about was there. It was so damn funny! And the joke with Linda and Morbo changing roles at the end of your latest part was awesome. It's really vivid in my mind. I also liked that you/Venus picked the name Nancy for Fry’s mother. It fits her well, and the fact that it’s Nancy and Yancy Fry is funny, and you don’t get the joke unless you put two and two together.

There was so much I loved during these last few parts, and mentioning it all would take forever. Nah, I'm just extra lazy today. Sorry.

I hope it won't be too long for the next update, but take your time  smile

Bending Unit
« Reply #386 on: 01-16-2005 00:45 »

A quick update this time, huzzah! Thanks for all your responses. I will be replying personally when I get the chance!

Part 35: (Actually, there's an unfinished scene that comes before this one that I'll edit on at some point.)

   It was one of the quilters who volunteered to help Leela find the mysterious Katy who was ‘different from them.’ She was sporting the leather bikini that constituted Fry’s only clear memory of Return of the Jedi, and twirling a short length of chain attached to a heavy collar around her neck. The woman strutted rather than walked and Leela found it hard to make small talk with her sexy double. She and Fry were going to have a long talk about this when things got back to normal.

She would have much rather traveled in silence, focusing on the search, but ‘Princess Leia Leela’, as she’d introduced herself, had other plans.

   “So you really know Fry? That’s so exciting. Tell me about him, please?” She smiled warmly at Leela, so open and friendly that the cyclops tried to keep a little distance between them.

   When the fantasy Leela continued to wait expectantly, the uncomfortable woman responded. “There’s not much to tell, really. He’s a delivery boy for the company I work for-”

   “Oh, that’s wonderful. A courageous delivery boy, traveling the cosmos.”

   “Uh, yeah.”

   “And you get to work with him.” She giggled, “I can just imagine. All those lonely nights in space, just the two of you with the glories of the universe spread out before you. That’s so romantic.”

   Leela shook her head. “Not really. Mostly it’s so incredibly tedious and boring that it’s not worth mentioning. When it’s not boring, we’re running for our lives.” ‘Leia’ pouted, confused.

   “But you’re with Fry. How could it be anything less than magical?” In exasperation, Leela stopped, with her companion stopping soon after.

   “You’ve never even met him!” she said, rolling her eye. “He’s the most annoying, aggravating, lazy, disgusting slob on earth!” Leela took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. The other woman shook her head in denial.

   “No, he’s not,” she said firmly.

            “He can be.” Leela replied, just as firmly. “I can’t believe some of the things he does! And have you seen his apartment? I don’t know how Bender puts up with it.”

   ‘Leia’ cocked her head thoughtfully, unmoved by the cyclops’ rant. “He’s not as bad as Zapp Brannigan,” she offered.

   “Oh, yes he… okay,” she conceded the point, “you’re right. He’s not as bad as Zapp. But he’s still hopeless.”

   “Hopelessly devoted,” the bikini clad woman sighed dreamily. 

   “That’s still hopeless,” Leela shot back, before pulling herself together. “Why am I arguing with you? You’re from Fry’s mind. You’re not real.” She started forward again, but turned her head to add, “And you’re not me, either.” ‘Leia’ fell into step with Leela, abandoning the conversation, but after a few seconds, Leela started up again. “I never realized Fry had that high of an opinion of himself.”

   The fantasy Leela shrugged, looking
a little sad. “Maybe he doesn’t realize what a low opinion you have of him.”

   Guilt began trickling through Leela like the water on the cavern walls. “I don’t have a low opinion of him, except when he does something to deserve it. I don’t want him to die or anything.” A defensive note came into her voice. “It’s not like he’s perfect, even though you think he is,” she added accusingly.

   “But he’s so cute,” ‘Leia’ crooned in delight, before beginning another round of rhapsodizing on the topic Philip J. Fry. Leela gave up, and tried to ignore her idealized twin, unless she was giving directions.

   The terrain was getting more and more difficult, and the two women often had to struggle past pits and rock formations. It was getting dark too, and the ground had become damper. The other Leela started getting jumpy, glancing around as if she expected to be attacked. Made nervous by the real Leela’s silence, she tried to restart heir conversation.    

   “Katy isn’t with the rest of us, because she’s-”

   “-different. Yeah, I heard that.” Leela decided to try to get more information from her, again.

   “But why? Why is she different?” ‘Leia’ shrugged.

   “I don’t know. Why are you different? Do you know? Maybe it’s the same reason.”

   “Trust me,” Leela replied, “We’re not different for the same reason.” Her companion started to reply when a horrendous, feminine shriek pierced the air, reverberating off the solid rock. The captain automatically dropped into a defensive stance, though the effect was somewhat spoiled when her guide yanked on her arm, throwing her off balance.

   “We have to go! We have to go!” she cried in terror, trying to escape the arms that held her firmly, trying to prevent her from bolting.

   “Whoa!” Leela said, in her most authoritative voice. “Steady there. What’s going on?” But ‘Leia’ was already lost to panic.

   “No, no! I shouldn’t be here! It’s not my place!” She grabbed Leela’s head and pulled her close. “It’s not my time!” The intensity in her eye shocked the baffled cyclops. Her grip loosened and just like that, ‘Leia Leela’ scrambled away as fast as the uneven terrain would allow her.

   Alarmed, but not entirely convinced there was real danger, Leela started moving forward again, hoping that she could find this ‘Katy’ on her own. The water level had risen significantly, and now Leela was forced to splash through icy cold liquid up to her ankles in places.

Every few minutes, Leela would hear another cry, some so angry and cruel that she longed for a laser pistol, others so heavy with sorrow that intense sympathy struck her. The voices were different. Most often came the frightened female’s wail, but the angry voices were male. There were young voices, and old voices, but none she recognized, and none she understood. 

   Most unnerving of all was the laugh. Twice now, she had heard a child’s laugh, light and innocent, fearless. It seemed so out of place in the dark tunnel. Leela was having difficulty seeing the ground and she stumbled along, trying to find Fry, or ‘Katy’, or someone else that might be able to help her. She began to feel the futility of her search. How was she supposed to rescue the delivery boy if she couldn’t even find him?

After cracking her shin against a particularly jagged rock, Leela collapsed onto it for a rest. She buried her face in her hands as she tried to dredge up the energy to continue. No matter what, she could not give up. Somewhere, Fry was waiting, she knew, and it was up to her to find him. Miserable, she thought of him stranded in this place and hope fervently that wherever he was, there was light.

   A faint sound drew her attention, the slightest slap of water on stone. Peering into the shadows, Leela caught a glimpse of something, moving to her. She tensed preparing herself for a fight. The shadow moved closer, quietly. She was being stalked, stealthily. Leela could have tried to run, but she was tired of being alone and useless in this deep place. Instead, she waited to see what the shadow would bring.

Ripples began to reach her, lapping against her sodden shoes. A figure was becoming more distinct; it was short, much shorter than she was. She realized it was crawling through the water pooled at her feet. It was very close now, and Leela readied herself to spring at it, when suddenly it sprang at her.

Light flared up around her, blinding her darkness-accustomed eye. Something touched her hand, and she leapt up, swinging randomly with her fists. She missed and hands reached out to gently clasp her wrists. There was no threat in the gesture, she realized, and she winked, trying to see.

   A merry child’s face stared just inches from hers. “Tag,” whispered Philip J. Fry. “You’re it.”

I'm going somewhere with this, really. Although, the more I write, the more I have in common with TongueLuck's shipperfic example. Uh oh... (although, it's very funny and you should all go read it.)

Starship Captain
« Reply #387 on: 01-16-2005 01:03 »

Great chapter, one of the best so far. I hope you update soon.

Urban Legend
« Reply #388 on: 01-16-2005 02:03 »

Excellent update.  I'll post more when I'm completely sober, but I've got a couple questions:

1) Where are these Fantasy Women coming from?  The Superego, I assume?  I don't think Fry could consciously bring up such a high opinion of himself...and it certainly doesn't have anything in common with his real ideal woman.  Ah well, you probably have a better idea of psychology then I do.  I dated a Psych major once.  She reminded me of my mother*.

2) How can you compare your fic to TL's parody, other than the sheer level of hilarity?  Seriously, your ideas are well-thought out, well-implemented, and hilarious and heartewarming at the same time.  You have nothing to fear, except maybe an overall dramatic slant not present in the series, but you don't seem to care about the emotional genre.

3) Where the Hell can I get one of those Cthulhu plushies?  You brought them up like three months ago, I asked where to find them, but you never actually gave me the info.  I want one, dammit, especially after reading the Penny Arcade Christmas special this year.

If you show me where to get one, there may be a Nerd-o-ramafied rendition of a famous tune heading to your mailbox.

Keep it up.

*That's a Freud joke.  My mother actually hated her.

Urban Legend
« Reply #389 on: 01-16-2005 02:21 »
« Last Edit on: 01-16-2005 02:21 »

she realized, and she winked, trying to see
Attention to cyclopian detail! So many people forget to do this, but you go that extra step to keep it realistic and correct.
Guilt began trickling through Leela like the water on the cavern walls
  Describing internal and external conditions in one swoop; impressive.

I know I haven't been adulating your cool words for a while, but "rhapsodizing" is an awesome choice of word.  Even cooler than 'adulating'...

This section really shows a spark, Layla.  I'm not saying your past few sections were bad in any way, but for some reason I think you enjoyed writing this section, and had no problems getting it on 'paper.' 

Carry on, writer.  Carry on...

Bending Unit
« Reply #390 on: 01-16-2005 08:10 »

Whoops! Sorry about that Nerdo-o-rama.

Waits patiently for the mail carrier. (Incidentally, did you know that if you Google cthulhu plushie that this story comes up. Neither did I.)

Re: The story: Uh, they're coming from... the fact that they're funny. You're right however, when you say they aren't at all based on his conscious thoughts. Blame it on those dratted delta waves.  smile

And I can compare my fic to hers based on the fact I just had Leela arguing with an internal monologue Leela over whether she should like Fry or not. I swear, I started twitching once I realized what I was doing.  smile However, you make me feel better, and I appreciate that.
JBerges: You're scaring me! How do you do that? By I which I mean read my mind. Yes, I very much got into writing that chapter, to the point where I stayed up till 2:00AM. Thanks! (Starts looking suspiciously around for hidden cameras.)
Glad you liked the winking, as I wasn't sure that would work right. And I have always enjoyed the word rhapsodizing.

Philp_J_Fry:Ah, you fiend! you changed your icon. I like it, now that I'm used to it.  wink Thanks for the support!

Space Pope
« Reply #391 on: 01-16-2005 08:40 »

Great work on this last part, Layla. What to say...what to say?

Oh, for starters, you said yourself that shippiness isn't a crime, so don't beat yourself up over the fact that your fic supposedly resembles TL's satire. What you wrote isn't even an internal monologue, really...sure, Leela's debating with a woman who isn't really real, but it's better than the usual schizophrenic Leela that is in most fics (I'm one to talk, of course...I just wrote a scene where Eve is essentially doing just that). Look, the point is, this part was great, so don't worry about it. You worked the ship in more stealthily than I ever do.

Also, here's a bit I liked...

“Oh, yes he… okay,” she conceded the point, “you’re right. He’s not as bad as Zapp. But he’s still hopeless.”

“Hopelessly devoted,” the bikini clad woman sighed dreamily.

“That’s still hopeless,” Leela shot back, before pulling herself together. “Why am I arguing with you? You’re from Fry’s mind. You’re not real.” She started forward again, but turned her head to add, “And you’re not me, either.” ‘Leia’ fell into step with Leela, abandoning the conversation, but after a few seconds, Leela started up again. “I never realized Fry had that high of an opinion of himself.”

The fantasy Leela shrugged, looking
a little sad. “Maybe he doesn’t realize what a low opinion you have of him.”

One of the best parts you've written in a long time (which makes it "super-excellent", compared to "really-excellent" ), and I'm awaiting more as always. Keep up the awesome work.

« Reply #392 on: 01-16-2005 10:39 »

Some of these shots Leela is taking at Fry in the last couple of chapters bother me.  If she has that low an opinion of him, what if she doing there?

Bending Unit
« Reply #393 on: 01-16-2005 12:02 »
« Last Edit on: 01-16-2005 12:02 »

Crash_7: You raise an interesting point here and I thank you for it. Before I offer my own opinion on this, I'd like to see what others are thinking. Is Leela being too harsh? Should she lighten up on him a bit, seeing as how she's trying to rescue him. After all, he was hurt trying to help her. Any thoughts?

Gorky:I guess you have a point. It is a different situation. Maybe whether these scenes work or not depends on how you set them up. After all, cliches are cliches for a reason.
(I've actually read some wonderful songfics, believe it or not, so even the "unworkable" genres can be done well.) I try to be very careful with shippiness, because I'm fighting my own tendency to go overboard. I may be overcompensating however. Thanks so much for the support. Super-excellent huh? Oh, the grammarian in me is spazzing, but I'll just lock her in a closet and enjoy the compliment.   smile

Urban Legend
« Reply #394 on: 01-16-2005 15:41 »

Regarding Leela being harsh: I just figured that was her usual defense mechanism.  She's massively worried (and still feeling guilty,) so she distracts herself with all the faults of the person she's feeling those emotions for.  (Apologize to your grammarian for me, but if I said "for whom" on a message board, I'd sound like a pompous jackass.)  It's pretty standard psychobabble, and I think we see it once or twice on the show.  My Three Suns jumps to mind, although in that case it's hard to tell if she was worried and covering it up or just pissed because he was ignoring her.

Regarding the geekiest stuffed toy ever: Wow.  If Google directs you hear, we must be about the only  people on Earth who know/care about it.  I mean, "Cthulhu plushie" only shows up like 5 (now 6) times on  this entire site, maybe three times on one page.  Oh well.

Now I just have to find some way to digitally record myself (assuming you still care...I only brought it up because I think we originally mentioned my singing at around the same time as your friend's plushie.)  And by mailbox, I meant e-mailbox, since I'm sure you'd rather give out your e-mail than your address, and it's easier to e-mail files now than to snail mail CDs.

« Reply #395 on: 01-17-2005 00:29 »

dude great story just finish part 35 and i started part 1 this afternoon i couldn't stop reading it

eh just wondering whats cthulhu plushie ???
if you didn't mind me asking

Bending Unit
« Reply #396 on: 01-17-2005 11:25 »

Ooh, I like this part! The dream-scenes are just great, because anything can happen! It's really creative and you've got a lot of imagination, Layla. There's one thing I'm wondering about: How much has your storyline changed since you started writing? I mean, you've been influenced by us readers and you've probably changed a lot of things yourself. Is the story longer than you expected?

Anyway, Leela's behavior towards Fry seems in-character to me. First, the fantasy-girls (like all the "Leelas" ) have put her off. Second, I think she has these harsh feelings about him because she denies her true emotions. I'd love it if, through the course of the story, she'd be more willing to give him a chance. I remember you saying something about how you won't bring them together at the end of the fic, but just closer, and in my opinion, that's the best ending you can have on a (shippy) fanfic. It's just the way it was done in the series, even in the last episode. A thing I'd like to see is that she'll learn something new and positive about Fry when visiting his mind that makes her loosen up a bit on her attitude towards him and give him a chance. I have no idea what that thing could be, though, it's just a suggestion. For all I know, you might be planning an event like that.

Anyway, great chapter, I'd really like to know what happens after that cliff-hanger!

Urban Legend
« Reply #397 on: 01-17-2005 12:15 »
« Last Edit on: 01-17-2005 12:15 »

PJ: Welcome.  Man, Layla's fic seems to be attracting more new guys than the rest of the site combined.

Have a couple links: FAQBetter FAQ.

To answer your question:
Plushy - A stuffed cloth toy.  Basically, a stuffed animal without the restriction of actually being an animal.  Often filled with a firm, pliable (e.g. "squishy" ) substance instead of just cotton.

Cthulhu: Short answer: A central figure in the literary works of H. P. Lovecraft, basically some kind of uber-demon destined to destroy the world.  There's also a Role-Playing Game System (like Dungeons and Dragons) named after it.
Long, disturbing, but hilarious answer.
To answer your next question, no the people at that last link are not serious.  They do have the backstory right, as far as I can tell.

Oh, and one more, even more applicable link.
I love the internet.
I hear in the East they have 198-proof vodka.  Around here, that's not what we call "fine spirit."  We call it "sulfuric acid."

Bending Unit
« Reply #398 on: 01-17-2005 14:59 »

Well, thanks to a snow day (yay!) I've gotten more writing done. This part is what I originally intended to write before the last part, but I wasn't really happy with it. I'm still writing, and I might even get another part up today.

I feel all productive again, hooray!

Nerd-o-rama: Ah, I'm always intrigued to see your take on things. For someone who likes humour writing, you're quite articulate.  wink (All you humour people out there know how much respect I have for you...lots!) You're thinking along the same lines I was. Leela is often critical of Fry, but that isn't to say she doesn't like him and of course she's worried and guilty and Fry might die and it's sort of her fault.
Don't worry, my grammarian only picks on me, and I ignore her anyway.

Yeah, that google thing really surprised me. And yes, I do still care and will watch my email in the hopes that one day you will figure out how to record yourself.

PJ: Thanks for stopping by. N-o-r's right, this seems to be a newbie magnet (Maybe cause of the title.) I'm thrilled you like the story, and I believe N-o-r answered your question brilliantly, so I will not add to that.

becky: I'm having lot's of fun with all this weird interlude stuff, so I'm glad you are too! It's hard to iron out just where the story has changed, especially without giving anything away.  wink Fry in coma-like state and the events that happen therein (there's a word that appears on messageboards all the time) was always a part of the plan, but the whole mutant subplot, with Nixon, Nibbler, etc. that has all grown from your suggestions and the writing process itself. The story is much, much longer than I expected.  smile

Re:Leela, yes, that's what I was thinking. These girls, many of whom look uncomfortably like Leela are constantly raving about Fry. It's sort of like Leela stumbling into a We love Fry fanclub. She's worried that she hasn't found him, she's worried about what's she's going to say to the guy she constantly rejects who has just risked his life for her, again! It's gotta be a big batch of mixed up emotions in a situation like this, and I think in some way, she justifies her rejections by criticizing him and that helps level her.

Those are my thoughts on the matter. As to
what you'd like to see, I don't want to say too much, but I think you'll be very happy, at least, I hope you will be. (And in some way, this hostility is a set up to what's coming.)

Can you believe there's ten pages to this thread?!

Part 36:

   It had been four hours since Turanga Leela had been plunged into Fry’s mind by the MMM. While the Professor made notes and muttered to himself in fascination as he monitored the information coming in about the functioning of his invention, the mutant doctor kept careful watch over the life signs of her patients.

When the MMM had first been activated, both patients had reacted badly. Leela’s heart rate and brain activity had gone into overdrive, and Fry’s heart had stopped entirely. Quickly employing CPR had saved him, and now he was stable, sleeping deeply. Leela was far more responsive than Fry. She shifted and moved in her sleep, lips moving as if she was trying to say something.

   “I’m here, Leela.” Munda whispered, trying to soothe her daughter though she knew she could not be heard. The anxious mother had not left Leela’s side for a moment, and didn’t intend to anytime soon.

She felt immersed in a nightmare, unable to wake up, and she wondered if that was what her daughter was going through. She respected Leela’s choice to try to help her friend, but a small selfish voice wondered if it wouldn’t have been better if Fry had been killed outright, so that Leela would be safe. People could live with guilt and grief if they had to, she knew that well enough.

   “Please, be okay, baby. If you can’t help your friend, at least come back to us.” Munda’s vigil was peaceful, thanks to her husband.

   “So you’re saying that the best angle for a support girder is 32 degrees?” Morris asked, keeping the robot distracted so he wouldn’t upset Munda again. Bender had a knitting needle stabbed into his head from getting between Doctor Rumelle and Leela when both patients had gone into crises. His wife hadn’t appreciated the robot’s insistence that the cyclops could wait.

   “Yeah, unless you’re looking at an Unbendable™ girder, because then you want 31 degrees.” Morris scratched his head, ignoring the disgusted expression on Bender’s face as skin flakes scattered.

   “Hey, wait. I thought Unbendable™  girders were, you know, unbendable.” The robot laughed loudly.

   “Oh, sure, that’s what they want you to think. It really depends on where you get them anyway. Now if I were you, I’d go rob that chintzy Girder’s of New NewYork, if you’re looking for the real Unbendables.”

Morris nodded absently, no longer listening. Leela had suddenly made a frightened little sound, and all his thoughts returned to her in a rush. Munda quickly leaned over and began stroking her daughter’s hair, but she glanced at her husband, looking for support. He half stood from the crate he’d perched on, but Leela relaxed again and Munda waved him off. The robot was watching him impatiently.

   “Oh, sorry. What were you saying?” Morris asked, not really interested. Why had he ever allowed her to go through with this. What if they lost her?! Losing their daughter over some delivery boy they hardly knew. It was too much to bear. 

   Bender continued, oblivious to the turn of the mutant’s thoughts. “I dunno,” he shrugged. “Something about a crime spree.”

   “Yeah, that sounds good.” Morris said, pulling his thoughts back to the robot with a sigh. “Hey, listen. What can you tell me about this Fry anyway?”

   Bender imitated a shrug, a fairly complex gesture for a robot. “Fry’s alright, for a human. Better than most of you freaks anyway.” After chatting with Bender for the last few hours, Morris found himself rather liking the guy. Somehow, ‘freaks’ wasn’t a real insult, since he used the term to apply to all humans, all biological life forms. It was strangely warming to be grouped in with the surface dwellers.

   “He’s a nice guy?” Morris pressed, wanting to know if his own impressions were accurate.

   Bender was about to answer, then he suddenly narrowed his eyes at the mutant. “What’s with the questions?” he asked suspiciously.

   Quickly, the mutant relaxed, trying to belay the intensity of his concern. “Oh, just curious. Not much else to do but wait, you know.” The robot laughed aggressively, and Morris knew he hadn’t fooled him.

He dropped the act and spoke quietly so that Munda wouldn’t overhear. “Look, I know you’re a robot and all, but that’s my little girl stretched out over on that bed.” He rubbed at his eyes. “In my experience, most of the people living up there,” he gestured towards the surface, “aren’t exactly staying up at night worrying about us down here. I’m not sure…” he trailed off, uncertainly, not wanting to offend, but Bender said nothing, still glaring at him. “I’m not sure he’s worth my daughter’s life.” He grimaced as he forced out the words, hating the sound of them.

   “Shouldn’t you be talking to some other skin tube? We robots aren’t exactly founts of knowledge when it comes to that weepy stuff you all seem to enjoy so much.” Bender knocked on his chest, as if to prove his robotic nature. “We’re too cool for that.”

Morris was ready to change subjects, feeling a bit ridiculous for broaching the matter with the robot when Bender added, “That’s what’s great about Fry. Not all mopey like Leela. If I didn’t know better, I swear he ran with oil instead of blood.” He chuckled again, remembering. “But it’s definitely blood. We had this bet-”

   Morris interrupted quickly. “So, he’s not emotional?” That didn’t entirely fit with what little he had heard from Leela, but she had never been particularly forthcoming when he and her mother asked about Fry. Depending on her mood, she either complained about him or muttered something about him being nice enough before changing the subject. For reasons beyond him, Munda had always been a bit amused about this.

   “Well, like most humans, you hit him with a chair a couple of times and he’s all waterworks.” Morris’ eye widened as he took that in before Bender continued. “What I mean is, he lives in the nanosecond, doesn’t think ahead, doesn’t want to. Makes it easy to talk him into things.” Another laugh, this one wickedly devious.   

   The mutant sat quietly, taking that in, until Dr. Rumelle inhaled softly in alarm from where she was checking over Fry. As quiet as the sound was, it brought Morris and Bender to their feet. Internally berating herself for the lapse in her professionalism, she moved away from her patient. The robot wasn’t particularly, or in fact, even remotely gentle, and he was a bit of a threat to her patient.

   “What-” Morris began, seeing his wife listening intently from her place by Leela’s side.
Chastity held her hands up, partly to calm them, partly to prevent Bender from getting past her. He didn’t look particularly upset, but his mood tended to fluctuate without warning. “It’s alright, for now.” The qualifier caused dismay to cross Morris’ open face. “Once we stabilized the connection between Fry and Leela, he seemed to be doing a bit better, being protected from the effects of the delta waves.”

   She paused, taking a steadying breath, a trick for helping family members preparing for bad news. “Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming, here?” Bender demanded. He had hauled out a beer almost magically from inside his chest compartment, but he didn’t drink it, just held it.

   The doctor ignored him, “But, he’s taking a turn for the worse. Delta activity has begun rising again, and it’s effecting him more strongly.”

   “And Leela?” Morris asked, not forgetting Fry, but always thinking of his family.

   “She’s doing okay. This isn’t affecting her.” Chastity hurried to reassure the parents. Relaxing for Leela’s sake, they worried more for the young man whose life was in peril.

Urban Legend
« Reply #399 on: 01-17-2005 15:27 »

heehee knitting needle in head. awesome! I also love Morris' uncertainty that Fry is worth it. It's a fairly valid question for a mutant who has been largely mistreated by surfacers.

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