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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 31552 times)
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Bending Unit
« Reply #240 on: 11-19-2004 15:18 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2004 15:18 »

  :love: Yaay, another chapter! You even mentioned cocoa, which I'm drinking right now, by the way!
“Bender, the one time you talked Fry into drinking your ‘Grandmother’s choice’ old fashioned cocoa, he spent three days convinced he could fly.”
Genius!   :laff:
And I'm really glad you wrote some Zoidberg action in. I laughed my ass of reading that part!
Originally posted by Layla50:
Becky: Feel free to post it here if you want. I'm so curious to see what you come up with. I can't get over the fact that you want to draw something I wrote!   :)
It's the least I can do. After all, you've kept me/us entertained for so long now, and given us fast and frequent updates   :D

Well, I'm done with my picture:

I also have a colored version, but I personally prefer the black & white one..

Mmm... A TOTPD covered in warm, liquid chocolate...

« Reply #241 on: 11-19-2004 15:28 »

Lovely picture becky, kinda like a reverse of 'the sting'.
Also the pencil one does look a lot better.

I envy your cocoa, the cranberry juice I'm drinking right now is quite vile  :puke: .

Bending Unit
« Reply #242 on: 11-19-2004 15:34 »

Oh, wow! That's so beautiful, Becky! Oh, I just... I can't get over it. You may think I'm crazy, but now there's real emotion for me there. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.


Urban Legend
« Reply #243 on: 11-19-2004 15:53 »

awwwwwwww i love that pic. It's so emotional! *sob*

Bending Unit
« Reply #244 on: 11-19-2004 15:56 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2004 15:56 »

  :D Thank you, Zmithy! It means a lot to me!

Layla, I'm so glad you (as my inspiration) liked my drawing! And no, I don't think you're crazy, because the feeling is mutual   :) I really appreciate your feedback on this! *Hugs back*

And thank you so much, Venus!

Bending Unit
« Reply #245 on: 11-19-2004 21:05 »

I inspired that gorgeous picture? Never. Fess up. It's complete coincidence. You've been hordeing it for years, right?  :)

Anyhoo, this isn't an update, but I'm working on getting one out tommorow hopefully. Now, listen up, cause I have a question for all of you.

Well, a bunch of related questions.

Well... never mind, I'll just ask. Has anyone written the story of Leela's prom? Cause I was just thinking about what's going to happen after this monstrosity is finished. I do have ideas for comic ficlets, just little ones, but I'd like to maybe start another real story. Not that this is anywhere near done of course, but for the future. Should I keep writing after this? (Even if it's another Futur-drama? (The royalties are in the mail, N-O-R)

I'm thinking that Morris and Munda will be trying to help her subtly all through the story.
All we know about the prom was that her dress was made from carpet fibers. I'm thinking it'd be a nightmare (with comedy, I'd love to take a shot at Adlai and the blind kid.) but I'd give a sweet, happy-happyish ending. I might frame it with a "present" day scene, you know, with Fry and the gang.


 Oh, and also, what do you nice people think about the delay in the Professor reporting that Fry's life is in danger in the last part? Should I have dropped the delay? (I'd probably have to slice out a little humour if I did though...)

« Reply #246 on: 11-19-2004 21:06 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2004 21:06 »

That picture is amazing.

Also: Forgot to mention about the story!

Been following this for a while and it gets better, fantastic stuff!  :)

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #247 on: 11-20-2004 08:51 »

What can I say? Nothing, that's what. I mean, this last part was amazing, and I can see some more of the plot coming along (out of curiosity, you said earlier that this fic is going to be a lot about Fry's history or something. Considering the last part, is that plot-point coming up?). Again, waiting some more.

Oh yeah, and I can't recall any story about Leela's prom being on any of the the "larger" Futurama sites (CGEF and TLZ), but there may be one on another, smaller fanfic site. So, as far as my "knowledge" goes (and that's not very far), I'd have to say that you're pretty safe writing a story about it. And I'm sure it'd be great (and a comedy...even better!) So, in answer to your question, yes, keep on a'writin'.

Oh yeah, and amazing picture, becky...almost exactly what I was picturing in my mind. You have quite a lot of talent!

Nothing more to say...anything else would probably cross the line from harmless ass-kisser to insanely obssessed fan.  ;)

Delivery Boy
« Reply #248 on: 11-20-2004 09:19 »

Wow, that picture is amazing. You have real talent. Also good fanfic!

Bending Unit
« Reply #249 on: 11-20-2004 14:02 »

Originally posted by Layla50:
 Oh, and also, what do you nice people think about the delay in the Professor reporting that Fry's life is in danger in the last part? Should I have dropped the delay? (I'd probably have to slice out a little humour if I did though...)

I thought it worked very well and was in keeping with the old fossil's character. He is always forgetting stuff and he always seemed to me as having a warped sense of what is and isn't important. Hence it might not be that big a deal to him if Fry was in danger. Nicely done as always!

Urban Legend
« Reply #250 on: 11-20-2004 14:30 »

Originally posted by Haguey:
That picture is amazing.

Also: Forgot to mention about the story!

Been following this for a while and it gets better, fantastic stuff!   :)

Wow, we just keep drawing lurkers out of the woodwork, don't we?  Welcome Haguey.

Bending Unit
« Reply #251 on: 11-21-2004 10:11 »

Aw, thank you Haguey (welcome to PEEL, by the way!), Gorky and Malachy  :)

And, Layla, go for the story about Leela's prom, I'd love to read that. What you've got so far as a plot sounds really good, especially the part about Morris and Munda helping their daughter.

I liked the delay with the Professor. Like you said, you gave room for something funny  ;)

Urban Legend
« Reply #252 on: 11-21-2004 12:10 »

But don't let distractions with other stories throw off your groove on the current one.  I know how things can get when you're working on more than one project at a time.  So hopefully, you have better multitasking skills than I do, because I'd like to read your short stuff as well.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #253 on: 11-21-2004 13:25 »

Becky, I really, really love that picture. It's very true to the story, and really sweet. Plus, it's well-drawn  :D.

Bending Unit
« Reply #254 on: 11-21-2004 23:20 »

I'm back! Well, it's been awhile. Sorry about that. School has been brutal. If I survive the next two weeks, I should have a little more time to devote to writing.

JBERGES mentioned how difficult it is to write exposition, and that is so true. You have to set up so much, and in complicated stories, that's tough. But I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me. I've really gotten a lot out of this, and I think it's helping my writing.

Venus: Thanks for catching all these hiccups. My fingers don't type as fast as my brain goes sometimes. Nibbler is so cute. And hero pets rock, especially when they're uber-intelligent.

Nerd-o-rama: How went the philosophy paper? I had one of my own, so I've been doing alot of typing lately. Of course, this is fun typing. For your points:
1)She was starting to bug me, so, yeah, I'm glad of the change too.
2)I intended that parent scene to be very short, which is why I didn't really jokify it, but I will go back and rethink it, and I will watch TMLH (It takes me forever to figure out these acronyms.) I'm glad you like the homicidal chase scene. I love having those two fight.
3)You are so write about the Zoidberg writing. When I first wrote those lines, they were bascially a collection of random things he might say, and then, due to a fit of insanity, I never really re wrote it. I have this thing about writing sound effects (i.e. arroo)probably because of too much essay training. (I do not often have to write 'whoobwhoobwhoob' in an essay.)
4)Good point, and I agree. I was sort of thinking of Love and Rocket, and little candy hearts with Lrrr's face on them. I am a strange person.
5)Yay! As my uber-critic, (JBERGES being less cruel. ;)) I'm thrilled you like the mind-modem thingy. I have, in fact, a vague technobabbly explaination, but this seemed more fun at the time. Trip-tastic? I shall do my best. And thank you for giving me permission to do crazy things.

Bwahaha! I should add 'as powerful as a video game to N-O-R' to my sig.

Your second post:Bender's still indifferent, Fry's the exception to the rule. I'll work on bringing the other side out more. I think I've offset it a little in this part.
Leela needs cuddles sometimes. So there. (ALthough, I'd much rather her cuddle with Fry. And he would too.)
'With Extra Confidence.' I love it! I wish I'd thought of it! I'm gonna have to steal it. I hope you all know, that everyone who posts here will be getting a mention in my thank yous when I finally post this somewhere.
The Professor has done the sound effects thing at least once. Bugger if I can remember when though. It ended with 'safe'. You're right though, I think it is a family thing. Maybe I'll have Yancy do it... oops! Did I give something away?
I am flattered that I have managed to change your mind. Whoo! Now sing for me, baby!

Oh, and you cute little cuddle bug, (and JBERGES, you adorable little monkey) thank you for the noms, I am astonished, and giggly.

JBERGES: You my dear, have nothing to prove. I have not forgotten you are my mighty Beta. I'm glad my comedy practice is working out. It's going to be really difficult writing an all comedy story. Now, on to more important things. You updated! Whahoo! Watch in delight as I perform my update dance. Wiggle, wiggle, bounce, bounce, yay!

say what now: Aw... you rock. Thanks so much. (It's nice to have someone who only says nice things. ;)

Becky:I knew you were drinking cocoa, that's why I wrote it, and cause of your fabtabulous art. Un-freaking- believable.

Haguey: Aww... I love newbies! We're great! Thanks for the support!

Gorky: So happy you like it Gorky! Bravo! (claps vigorously) You remembered about Fry's history. Yes, we're getting there!
The prom story won't be strictly a comedy, but it will be much less dramatic than this one. (I'm aiming for sweet) You get a love face for telling me to keep writing.  :love:

Malachy: Thanks!

Ol'coot: Oh, good. I just worry sometimes that things that work for me, don't for everyone else. It's really fun writing for fans, cause they know the characters, so I don't have to worry about you not understanding them.

Zmithy:I'm glad you liked Zoidberg's big moments. I hadn't written much of him, and I wanted to give him a little fic time.

Thank you for all the support. I haven't forgotten about the drama, but I'm getting as much fun stuff in as I can in order to off-set all the anguish to come. (That'll be N-O-R wailing at me. :))

Becky(again): I will write it then, since there's interest. But it's a long way off.

Nerd-O-Rama(again) Multitask? Multitask? I'm not only acceptable, I'm adequetely satisfactory at multitasking. Seriously though, that's all I do. And I'm glad you're interested in the short stuff. I want it to be fun.

Part 25:

   The Planet Express crew was a strange conglomeration; there was no doubt about that. Yet for all their quirks, psychoses, rivalries and out and out animosity, given the right circumstances, they were a very good team. Feeling more like herself than she had in days, Leela was working with Bender on the plan that he had christened, “Operation Save the Freaks.” She didn’t particularly appreciate the moniker, but didn’t want to start an argument. Everyone else was working on their own assigned tasks. The atmosphere among the crew was serious and diligent. Almost unheard of for them.

   The Professor had completed his list and Hermes had divided the items into three categories: fragile, sturdy, and keep-away-from-Bender. Of course, that made the valuable items even more enticing to the kleptomaniac, so it was no accident she was keeping him close.

Clandestine activity was more than mere habit for him, however; it was hobby; it was fun. Bender was a ‘crime enthusiast’ in his own words, and Leela had to admit, it suited him. She couldn’t help but admire the efficiency with which he worked on his plan. He had declared his intention to create ‘a thing of beauty’ and he seemed well on his way to doing just that.

   Leela shook her head in amazement as she watched him work. “I gotta say, Bender, even though no one who has ever crossed paths with you would call you subtle, you’re certainly capable of finesse when it comes to getting around the law.”

   Bender glanced up from the plan for a second to grin at her. “Thanks toots, but us great people don’t have to be subtle, cause we’re great.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “And I wasn’t talking about you. I was using the royal ‘we’.”

   Leela was immensely glad to be working with Bender. He was an excellent distraction from thoughts of Fry. He could die. He could really die, and not because of some idiot prank or foolish stunt, but because she let him see how frightened she was. Well, now she was truly frightened. Fry was in all honesty, her deepest, dearest, truest friend, even if he was an absolute imbecile most of the time. He was the first person she’d met who’d really cared about her. And now, he could die, he could just be gone, forever. It made her feel sick to think about it, and shaky. So she didn’t think about it. Right now, there was only the mission, there was only planning, and preparation. She could face this nightmare later, when they were underground with her parents, and Nixon had been stymied. Suppressing her emotions, a well-honed skill, she focused on the task, as everyone else was doing.

   Hermes talent for organization had turned out to be very useful as well. they had precious little time to move everything that had to move, but he had worked out a schedule for gathering, sorting, packaging and moving that would get the job done before the breakout. The physical labour would be done by Hermes, Bender and Leela. Zoidberg was quite clumsy; his claws simply were not nimble enough for lifting anything they didn’t want to risk losing, or breaking. Certainly, the Professor was too fragile himself.

Amy would be staying behind; Leela had given her a very important task. One that she hoped would ease the Asian’s guilt. Since they didn’t want Hermes to know where they would be hiding, he would only be assisting them to a certain point in the sewers. The bureaucrat was very much accustomed to the concept of need to know, and had no objections to the idea. On the plus side, it meant he wouldn’t be spending enough time in the dreadfully paperwork-free sewers.

Only Bender, Leela, the Professor and Fry would be staying in the sewers with her parents. A quick Sewer-Com call had reassured her that they had gotten home safely, and that the other mutants would help with whatever she deemed necessary. She found herself a little excited by the temporary power she had, and was disturbed by her enjoyment of it. Control was a seductive thing.

   Taking a quick break from Bender’s company, Leela approached the station where the intern was staring intently at a screen. “Amy? Could you take a break from what you’re doing and put together a backpack for me?”

   The dark-haired woman nodded amicably and stood up. “Sure, I could use a stretch.” Leela wound the tip of her ponytail around her finger, thinking.

   “You won’t have to go to my apartment, just dig around my quarters on the ship. Oh, and my locker might have something too. I don’t want to take too much, but I could be down there a long time and I don’t want to burden my parents. Bender’s a walking closet anyways, but the Professor will need-” Amy shook her head firmly as she interrupted.

   “No way, Leela.  I’ll put together yours, but I’m not doing up a pack of the Professor’s things.” She shuddered, unable to keep from picturing old man underpants. Leela’s grimacing expressed a similar line of thought.

   “Can’t say I blame you. Get started on mine then, thanks.” Leela turned, looking for a convenient target. Everyone here was doing something important… “Zoidberg!”

   He scurried out of the kitchen where he’d been staring longingly at Nibbler’s bowl. One of Nibbler’s many, many bowls. The doctor hadn’t forgotten her timely rescue and he was bubbling over with fawning gratitude. “Speak to me, my fearsome defender! Your word is my law.” He trilled at her delightedly.

   “Ugh, ah, Zoidberg,” she backed away from him a step, “I want to gather a few necessities for the Professor.” He stared at her blankly. The thought struck her that he would probably bring back something more fit for Jacque Cousteau’s head, so she hurriedly scrawled an appropriate list and handed it to him. He flipped it around a few times, looking puzzled, then shrugged.

   “Well, chacun à son goût, but if you ask me-”

   “I didn’t. Get moving.” When he opened his mouth to protest, Leela called out, “Hermes, where’s that mallet?”

   Releasing a short, terrified, scream that no human throat could match, he bolted out of the room, his whooping cries reverberating after him. Hermes looked rather disappointed.    

   Leela turned her attention back to Bender, who was not hindered in the slightest by her distraction. “What have we got so far?”

   “Oh, man, this is so sweet. See, first were gonna-” he grinned, watching her expression carefully as she read, waiting for the payoff.

   “But why-”

   “Just look, Leela, it makes sense. See-” Suddenly she saw. Her face lit up.

   “Soft, cuddly, Cthulhu! That’s brilliant!” Unable to restrain herself, she draped an affectionate arm around his shoulder. “Bender, my friend, you are a genius.”

   He chuckled gleefully. “Nah, I’m just a talented amateur… who happens to be a genius.” She thumped his shoulder in an enthusiastic gesture.

   “No argument here.”

   Soon their heads were bent close together, as they ironed out the details of getting Fry out of the hospital. After a time, Amy returned, carrying Leela’s pack, and the Professor’s as well, which she had grabbed from Zoidberg before he went out to walk Nibbler. Leela hoped fervently that his current state of groveling would last long enough to ensure his diligence in looking after her cuddlemuffin.

Amy had smiled at her strangely before she left to grab a coffee and head back to her task. However, Leela had no time to decipher the Asian woman’s hidden message. A quick, very quick, look through the pack revealed that in addition to slippers, an extra lab coat and other symbols of the noble profession of science, Zoidberg had included a signed photo of himself that read, ‘You still have Zoidberg.’ Would the Decapodian never cease sucking up? The doctor was a lamprey.

Rolling her eye expressively, she opened her own pack, and then understood Amy’s smile. On the top of the pack was her journal, along with a few precious photographs of the cyclops’ family. A small note conveyed the intern’s thanks, and her refusal to destroy Leela’s treasured items. ‘If it has to be done, you can do it yourself.’ Wordlessly, she closed the pack shut her eye and smiled. She had never appreciated insubordination so much.

   It was only a few minutes later when the intern returned. “I don’t think I can get much more. You should come take a look at this. You too, Bender.” Leela stood right away, but the criminal mastermind was reluctant to leave his planning, even though he had regressed to doodling pictures of himself in various professions, including Bender as scholar, Bender as mad scientist, Bender as voice actor and Bender as golden idol.

   “Come on, Bender. It’ll only take a minute, probably.” She pulled on his arm until he grudgingly complied.

   Amy had been looking over the security videos to get a good look at the Bender impersonator. She had paused the playback so that the intruder could be seen clearly. It was obviously a bending unit, like the P.E. Zinc Saucier.

   “He is a handsome devil. No wonder Hermes mistook him for me.” Bender nodded approvingly, apparently forgiving some of the sting of having someone else mistaken for him. Leela leaned over and restarted the black and white video. They watched as the doppelganger went straight for the lab.

   Leela frowned thoughtfully. “There are tens of thousands of bending units on the planet, although most of them are in Mexico, but look how familiar he is with the building.”

   Amy nodded. “Yeah, in about twenty minutes he’s going to avoid setting off the Professor’s anti-theft device.” Farnsworth had designed it himself after the World Council of Mad Scientists and Part-Time Wizards had kidnapped him for the third time. It was an extraordinarily dangerous device that was all-too easy to set off, but when the staff had objected, all the inventor had said was, “I’m not paying those exorbitant union dues again!” 

   Leela straightened. “It had to be your arch-nemesis, Bender.” He gasped and angrily thrust a fist into his other palm.

   “No! No, Amnesty Interplanetary with their peaceful notions of free society!” She slapped her forehead in exasperation.

   “No, Bender. It’s Flexo!” Leela was not encouraged by Amy’s own startled gasp and Bender actually seemed a little relieved.

   “Oh, yeah, him.” Leela and Amy exchanged glances; they both felt a little betrayed. Although they weren’t exactly friends with the robot, they had worked with him and trusted him, to an extent.

   Leela’s metaphorical feathers were ruffled by his lack of response. “Doesn’t this bother you at all?” she demanded.

   Bender shrugged apathetically. “He probably got paid. I’d sell you losers out in a second for the right price.” Leela did not doubt it, much. Still, she could not let it go that easily.

   “Even Fry?” The robot looked distinctly uncomfortable for a second.

   “Well, it’d have to be a pretty good price. Everybody needs a pet, right? And he just makes the cutest noises when he’s being strangled by an angry roommate.” The women smiled at him in warm amusement. “I don’t have to justify myself to you people!” He pulled out a cigar to soothe his nerves.

   Leela let him off the hook. “At least we’re better off with Flexo breaking in than some other agent of Nixon’s. He’s a pretty nice guy, really.” Bender glared at her, then turned slightly to blow smoke in Amy’s face.

   “Oh, yeah. Flexo’s so nice! Isn’t he wonderful? So much better than that great Bender guy who hangs around here, slaving away in the kitchen and bringing you culture.” He dropped the angry sarcasm. “You people don’t appreciate anything I do!”

The women tried to calm him, but he was on a roll and nothing short of nuclear war, or a craps game, would stop him. “Flexo gets everything! It’s just not fair, I’m four times the robot he ever was! He stole my Anglelyne, he got the head with a stylish beard, he’s four minutes thirty seconds younger with a rust proof undercoating and now he’s got a cushy government job. This bits and bytes, in that order!”
An odd place to stop, I know.

Two things I have to explain: Chacun a son gout: 1)French for each to his own taste. A little poke at French being a dead language, yet Zoidberg occasionally spits out a french phrase.
2) Cthulhu: Fictional evil demon sort of fellow. My friend has a plushie of him. Cause that's the kind of friend I make.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #255 on: 11-21-2004 23:43 »
« Last Edit on: 11-22-2004 00:00 »

Aww, I loved it! Bender is so deliciously apathetic and yet the same time adorable. I loved the bit about the strangling... teehee. And the metaphorical feathers. And Bender's rant at the end. Woohoo.

I think I caught one or two errors along the way, but none to throw me from my happiness of reading, and I'll just leave that to JBERGES and Venus to count off for you if they find it. I gotta go to bed.

Anyway... loved it. I so knew it was Flexo. And I know this is weird and sort of off-topic, but when you said dopelganger the first thing I thought of was Sealab2021... chyeeah!

Oh. And I loved the "bringing you culture" line. So yes. *waitswaitswaitsformoremoremore!*

Urban Legend
« Reply #256 on: 11-21-2004 23:45 »

Originally posted by Layla50:
My friend has a plushie of him. Cause that's the kind of friend I make.

Me too, my roommate has plushie Cthulhu.

Love this new bit, very suspensful. I can't wait to see what this plan is going to entail. I didn't find any missed words or anything, so good for you.

Urban Legend
« Reply #257 on: 11-22-2004 00:25 »

Extra exposition, hold the...erm...humorition...

Whatever, you know what I mean.  You managed a few good bits of humor "You still have Zoidberg," "I don't have to justify myself to you people," and Bender's rant.  Come to think of it, mostly Bender's lines and description, and Zoidy's random French that for some reason cracked me up.  Not as many laugh out loud moments, but you seem to consider this a necessary setup scene.  I want to see The Plan in action, though.

You hang out with people who have Cthulhu plushies?  You are definitely my kind of girl.

Can't think of much else about the fic...you know, I think I spent more time reading your responses to my comments than the actual story.  Remind me not to post three separate times over two pages from now on.  On the other hand, thank you for taking the time to listen to all my ramblings.

Just so you know, I believe I got "with extra confidence" directly from 30% Iron Chef, so I can't take credit for it.  (I believe it goes something like "Bender: so who wants breakfast...with a little extra 'confidence.'" )
And the Professor sound effects thing you're thinking of is in Crimes of the Hot where he explains how "safe" mining a comet is.
Yancy, eh?  I think I see how you're going to work this...assuming you're more predictable than Gorky (the last writer I tried to second guess) I love the concept.

So I'm a cuddlebug now, am I?  Dammit, somebody give me a microphone and some free file-hosting place.  This girl has earned a Beatles rendition. 

More personal spammish discussion and maybe some on-topic commentary may be forthcoming, maybe not.

PS: Where can I get a plushie Cthulhu?

Urban Legend
« Reply #258 on: 11-22-2004 00:47 »
« Last Edit on: 11-22-2004 00:47 »

The Professor has done the sound effects thing at least once. Bugger if I can remember when though. It ended with 'safe'
That would be Crimes of the Hot.[/s]
Yeah, what Nerd-o said.

Well, I've learned something today, and that is that "Amicably" means the same thing as "Amiably."   I didn't even know the former was a word; live and learn.

slaving away in the kitchen and bringing you culture.
Makes me wonder if he's actually talking about putting lab cultures into their food... but I’ll always pounce on the opportunity for a pun like that.

Obviously this was a set-up chapter, and it’s done its job.  I liked Amy’s gasp at Flexo’s revelation.  Awaiting more as always; best of luck juggling real life and your hobbies, a skill that tends to elude me at times.

PS:  My brief advice for writing a comedy story, whether you asked for it or not:  Start writing things down now.  Anything goofy, silly, or witty that you happen to think of, get it on paper.  It doesn't need to bear any relavence to Futurama yet.  Even a bank of 5 or 6 "bail out" jokes makes writing a humorous story much easier. (And hey, A few things I put down that never made it a certain fic sometimes find their way into a later one)  You'd be surprised how easy it is to weave a line you've already written into your storyline (Especially you, what with your 'ability' and 'skill').  This strategy works for me at least, while other authors claim that it’s the exact wrong thing to do...

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #259 on: 11-22-2004 06:46 »
« Last Edit on: 11-22-2004 06:46 »

As others have said, this part is definitely all about the exposition. But, there was enough humor to go around, especially considering that humor and exposition rarely go hand-in-hand. Some of my favorite bits...

“Nah, I’m just a talented amateur… who happens to be a genius.”

One of the most Bender-ish lines (which you are so good at) that I could spot in this part.

She found herself a little excited by the temporary power she had, and was disturbed by her enjoyment of it. Control was a seductive thing.

Maybe not funny, per se, but it's one of those observations that is so true.

Leela’s metaphorical feathers were ruffled by his lack of response.

As you've probably been able to tell, I have a weird sense of humor. And, for some reason, I think it's funny when people refer to things in the metaphorical sense (i.e., "He kicked the metaphorical bucket", meaning "He's dead" ). I know it's really, really weird, but hey, don't judge me, love me.

And finally, I liked this...

She didn’t particularly appreciate the moniker, but didn’t want to start an argument.

...just because moniker's a funny word (don't ask...please).

Anyway, enough of the quoting, because it's pointless. (All of your stuff is great, why dissect it?) It's just my excuse for not having to write some sort of long-winded review repeatedly telling you how awesome this is. But, I might as well say it: This is awesome.

Oh yeah, and here's a face for taking my advice and continuing to write:    :(...um, I mean  :love: 

PS: Perhaps this is all unwanted and unneeded, because, judging by my own work, I have no idea what "comedy" means. But, I have some things to add to what JBERGES said. For one, he's write (um, lame pun intended) about writing things down, no matter what. I mean, even if you have no steady idea for a script at the present, what you think of now may come in handy later (the more jokes before-hand, the better, because, as I've said before, comedy is hard to write (which is why I avoid it, even at the cost of entertaining the reader)). Anyway, some more advice: Try to squeeze the humor out of every situation, as long as it won't ruin the mood of a particular scene or even your whole fic (hard to know when not to insert too many gags in a vain attempt to make your fic "better", and I'm guilty of overdoing it, from time to time).


Bending Unit
« Reply #260 on: 11-22-2004 20:00 »

Hi sweeties! I figure if I reply more often to you guys, I won't have to write letters to you when I'm trying to post updates.

I just like talking to you, that's all.
Also, I wanted to let you know that even though nothing happened in that update, the next chapter will be long, complex, and very actiony. I just wanted to give you a tide-you-over update until I could get that down.
say what now: Thanks a bunch! You're so cute when you get all excited. I'll get the next update out ASAP!

Venus: Whoosh! Good, someone else knows about Cthuhlu. He's very cute as a plushie. Thanks for keeping me on my toes, and I'm glad you liked the suspense.

N-O-R: Yep. Nothing happened. Surprise! I'm just getting you off your guard for all the neat stuff that's going to happen in the next bit. I've figured out the plan more or less to my satisfaction, and I think you'll approve. (Now that I've raved about it, it better be good! I'm so glad those lines worked out, and the french played well. Did you, or anyone else, need the translation?

Your ramblings entertain me, so no problems there. Friends with Cthulhu plushies make wonder friends. Everyone should have one.
I'll ask around to see where she got him.

Oh, and about the 'confidence', (slaps forehead) I can't believe I forgot about that. It makes that line at least three times funnier.

You love the concept I may or may not be planning? Oh, I hope I'm predictable. Probably I am. That Gorky's a tricky one.
In fact, the thing we're sorta discussing was my original idea for the fanfic. So, no. I still haven't gotten there. Yes, you are a cuddle bug. I have a mic, shall I mail it to you? :)

JBERGES: I may have taught you amicably, but you had me doing science research so that I understood some of your jokes. You know you're a nerd when you do research to get the jokes in a fanfic based on a sci-fi cartoon show.

I love your puns, speaking of culture, and I very much enjoy your take on that line. It always surprises me the lines you guys pick out.

Thanks muchly for the advice, I surely need it. But you didn't have to whisper it. I don't mind at all. I will probably take up you and Gorky's advice when I have free time. No, this is not free time. This is procrastination.

Gorky: Thanks bud! I'm glad you like my Bender writing. He writes himself really. 
The control line just sort of popped in there, but I may do something with that idea, you know, so I can pretend this was clever foreshadowing.
Thanks for the good advice! I appreciate it! See my reply to JBERGES.

That's it, I gotta work now. Sob! I wish I didn't!


Bending Unit
« Reply #261 on: 11-23-2004 21:31 »

Hey! Here's a short update just to keep you all interested. Sorry about the double post. I won't make it a habit, I swear. The breakin is coming up, in fact I'm writing it now, but I won't be able to finish it tonight, and I think I owe you guys something fun.

Part 26:

   As if it deliberately wanted to spite her, the sun was slow in setting. Even after they had successfully moved the Professor and all the equipment down into the sewers, it lingered cheerfully in the sky until Leela wanted to strike back at it somehow.

Her dad had promised to help the feeble scientist set up in the dilapidated warehouse near the Turanga family home. It had been used as a gymnasium for the local high school, but a few words with Raoul, the Supreme Mutant, resulted in it being opened up to them. Fry’s safety was their safety, and they all knew it.

She paced back and forth, trying to stay calm. It would do no good to let all her rush of adrenaline out now. She was going to need it. Leela believed Nixon would wait until very late that night before sending in his agents to liberate Fry. The fewer witnesses that were around for this sort of thing; the smoother it would go over.

Remembering the brave nurse who had tried to defend Fry from the NNYPD, she placed a quick call and managed to track her down when she was on duty. Greta had immediately expressed her sympathy and had reported that Fry was stable, even if he had shown no signs of improvement. Filling her voice with distress that was not entirely faked, merely exaggerated, Leela pleaded with the woman to contact her if anyone tried to take Fry from the hospital.

   “Please, Greta. What if they take him somewhere we can’t find him? We’re his friends; he means so much to us, but we can’t be there with him. Please, tell us if you hear anyone planning to take him from us.”

   “Miss, I am sorry about your friend’ I am, but do you really think someone will take him from us before he’s ready?” The nurse spoke hurriedly, torn between her superiors and her duty to her patient.

   “Oh, Greta. I do think so. I think his life may be in danger, just because they think he’s… different.” Leela’s piteous expression helped the RN to make her choice. She reluctantly agreed.

   “Alright, I will tell you if I hear anything. I will even try to prevent it if I can, but I cannot promise that I’ll be successful.”
   The cyclops had bombarded the poor nurse with gratitude, like Zoidberg after a meal, but less annoying. It was one more link in the protective fence around the delivery boy. Greta hadn’t called and Leela tried to reassure herself with that.

 Although she had tried to catch a few winks of sleep, her mind was far too busy turning over plans and possibilities to allow the respite. Everything would be easier once they had gotten Fry into relative safety in the sewers. Why was it that time was never steady? It was always either speeding past or crawling by.   

   Time was running out on Nixon’s perpetually short fuse. He was floating through an agonizingly slow debriefing with the agent assigned to infiltrate Farnsworth’s lab. Normally, one of his many underlings would have undertaken the task, whether they wanted to or not, but the Earthican President wanted to put his personal touch on this critical mission. He was beginning to regret that decision however, as the worthless robot was giving him far too much commentary in addition to the information he had been sent out to retrieve. Nixon’s thoughts flickered briefly to the shiny robot body that was perfectly capable of converting Flexo back to his component atoms.

   “Anyway, back to my original point, which was that you can’t judge people by the way they look. You may not believe this, but there have been times when someone thought I was evil just because I have this great-”

   Nixon growled menacingly. “Get to the mutant!”

   Unfazed, Flexo switched tracks without missing a beat. “Right, so this human kid, roomie of my wife’s ex-boybot, turns out to be a mutant, and he got his brain fried by that dealie the crackpot made, so he’s in the hospital. I always suspected he wasn’t quite right.” He paused a second, then laughed boisterously. “Nah, Fry’s great. Now, if I had to peg anyone of them for a mutant, it would have been that captain of theirs, ‘cause she’s only got the one-”. Nixon cut him off, uninterested in the bending unit’s prattling.

   “Enough! This is all the data you gathered?”

   “Yep, that’s it.” The President arroo’d darkly as his metal body twitched slightly.

   “Good. Now take your money and go.” Flexo gingerly approached the gigantic Apocalyptica robot body that was proffering a substantial cheque. He snatched it quickly, but his caution proved unnecessary. It did not move. He laughed uneasily, and gave it a comradely clunk on the arm.

   “Heh, you’re all right, bro.”

   “Vamoose!” Nixon shook his reddened face. The Apocalyptica raised its massive arms above its armour-plated shoulders and shook it’s fists, slamming a new hole in the artfully crafted ceiling to join the many holes already present. Flexo skittered back a few paces.

   “Alright, alright. My baby’s been looking forward to a night out on the town anyway. Catch you later.” Flexo left the room, gleefully eyeing the cheque.

Glad to be rid of him, Nixon called into the intercom. “Are they standing by like I ordered?”

   “Yes sir, do you want me to-?”

   “Silence!” The receptionist meekly complied. “Tell them I’ve located the target. Their mission begins at TacoBellevue Hospital in New New York.”

   “Yes, Mr. President. Anything else, sir?”

   “No.” He relaxed in his jar, as far as it was possible, sending a thought based transmission to his Presidential Chair. A softly padded robotic arm extended from it and began gently massaging his temples. “Arroo…” he rumbled pleasureably. “That’s the way I like it, yeah.”

   Suddenly Flexo poked his head back in, startling Nixon. In response to his alarmed thought, the massaging arm clenched his head roughly and yanked the sputtering President clear out of his jar. The robot chuckled lightly, “Heh, heh. I’m just kidding, by the way. I’ll probably never see you again.” Then, just as quickly, he vanished, leaving Nixon’s robot body trying to get his apoplectic head back in the jar without crushing it like a flabby melon.
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #262 on: 11-24-2004 00:07 »

Unfazed, Flexo switched tracks without missing a beat. “Right, so this human kid, roomie of my wife’s ex-boybot, turns out to be a mutant, and he got his brain fried by that dealie the crackpot made, so he’s in the hospital. I always suspected he wasn’t quite right.”

OK. I laughed really hard at the switching tracks without a beat thing, and the quick, "Right, so..."

He paused a second, then laughed boisterously. “Nah, Fry’s great.”


The President arroo’d darkly.

Holy shiznolie. My laughter was like that of a hyena's. Seriously. Arroo'ing darkly?!?! It's brilliant!

“Arroo…” he rumbled pleasureably. “That’s the way I like it, yeah.”

No comment needed, as if it were possible for say what now to post a comment, as she is too busy suffering from a serious laughing fit.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #263 on: 11-24-2004 15:26 »

Neat-o, another update. Good to see that, unlike me, you're able to keep bringing us new parts of your amazing fic (on that note, my latest part is taking a long time, Layla...maybe you'll inspire me again or something (because, you know, I needs me inspiration to write...and I'm working on the talent part).

Anyway, enough about me. As for this latest part, it's short, yes, but it's still really pretty funny. I dig the use of Flexo (funny, funny character, and you write him just as well as you write Bender). Nixon, as always, is hilarious (I think the word "arroo'd" should be added to the dictionary), and you even managed to keep the plot a' rollin'. Awaiting more, as always.

Bending Unit
« Reply #264 on: 11-25-2004 14:39 »

Hahaha!! Great!  :D I really enjoyed that Nixon and Flexo segment at the end there, I think I laughed just as much as SWN did! Also, those Zoidy moments were wonderful. I wish I had your talent. (But I have an excuse since English isn't my first language  :))
Anyway, brilliant, funny and dramatic as always, Layla! I need more!

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #265 on: 11-25-2004 17:15 »

Wow, this is really good. Cant wait to read the next part!

Urban Legend
« Reply #266 on: 11-26-2004 00:41 »

<Copy and Paste everything else I've said about wonderful characterization, jokes, maintenance of tone, Nixon writing, etc.>

I am thankful for Layla50's fan fiction.

Bending Unit
« Reply #267 on: 11-27-2004 22:27 »

Here it is! The long awaited update! (A real one this time!)I hope it fulfills your expectations.

Nerd-o-rama: Well, there's no need to get dramatic about in N-O-r, but I'm thankful for all your support, and to all my other readers as well.

LoveForFry: I think this is your first reply, but maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, thanks so much! I'm really glad you're enjoying it!

becky: I wish I had your talent at drawing. (Heck, I wish I could draw stick figures with arms the same length) I'm so glad you enjoyed the Nixon/ Flexo moment. Flexo's a bit tricky, cause we don't know that much about him. He's like Bender, but...not. And I would never have known English wasn't your first language.( Which is?)

Gorky: Your updates are more exciting than mine, cause we have to wait longer. You have oodles of talent. (We both know how difficult it is to write well.) Thanks for your comments about Flexo. (I wasn't sure if I was being in character with him.) I love using the crazy sounds the voice actors make as verbs. It's just fun. The plot moves in this one too, and a bit of a cliffie too.

say what now: Oh, thanks so much! I really appreciate your laughter. It made me laugh. Maybe you should start writing too. You've a nice style! Also, shiznolie? (Bwahaha Heeheeheehaahaa!)

Okay, here goes nothing!

Part 27:

      As difficult as it was for the restless cyclops, Leela and Bender waited until full dark before approaching the hospital. She was dressed in a black cloak with the hood left down and Bender was pushing a hover-shopping cart, piled high with ratty blankets. Only in New New York could a sexy female cyclops, accompanied by a blood red robot, stroll through the streets without so much as a second glance from anyone. They ducked into an alley next to the building, and Bender took a second to admire his new paint job.

   “Eh, it ain’t really me, but it ain’t half bad neither.” Leela sympathized with the sentiment as she slipped the band that kept her hair tied back in its customary ponytail out from her cherry tomato red locks. “You ready, Leela?”

   She shrugged. “As ready as I’m gonna be.” She fluffed her hair forward so it framed her face in a fiery halo. Dying her hair red hadn’t been the highlight of her day, but Bender’s strange strategy required it. She drew the hood over her head and put on a pair of dark glasses left over from her brief stint as a two-eyed woman. Taking a deep breath, she gestured to her companion, “After you then.”

   Bender tilted his head back haughtily, “It’s about time you gave me the respect I’m due.”

   They entered the hospital and strode importantly to the receptionist’s desk. He was of a species Leela had never before encountered, and if she hadn’t been so loyal to Nibbler, she would have said that the wide-eyed, delicate-looking alien would give her dear pet a run for his money in a cuteness contest.

Deception was not really her style; she’d rather blast her way through a tough situation any day, but the subtle approach would be much safer for Fry, who could not run or fight back. The receptionist greeted them politely. His despised coworkers called him ‘Bob’, a sound that bore an unfortunate resemblance to a particularly vile word in his native tongue.

   Bender wordlessly flashed one of his many fake badges, staring at the unfortunate being expectantly. This one identified him as Potentate of Ferrous Sanguina. Leela watched in nervous amusement as the clerk stared at the robot, baffled as to what he was waiting for.

   “Uh, can I help-” Bender gasped, a little too dramatically in Leela’s opinion, and stabbed a digit in her direction. She stepped forward, glaring as fiercely as she could through the lenses that were obscuring her vision slightly.

   “How dare you, sir? How dare you speak to him before giving the proper obeisance?! Why, the Honourable Potentate is offended beyond his capacity to express!” Bender nodded slightly in agreement as ‘Bob’ gaped at the pair. Bender airily waved at Leela to continue her tirade. “It is my duty to express to you His Nobleness’ extreme displeasure and his intention to bomb your planet into soil suitable for his garden, although he himself is very non-violent most of the time.”

   In this day and age, that was a threat to take seriously. Stammering out alarmed apologies, ‘Bob’ bowed repeatedly in his species’ traditional gesture of respect, no longer caring that no one bothered to call him by his full name, Robert. “Beg pardon, sir, beg pardon! How can, er, ‘Bob’ be of assistance to you, so that you will not destroy his recently acquired condo, and the planet, which some are fond of?” The poor fellow was trembling violently, and everyone in the room was staring at Bender in alarm.

For her part, Leela was utterly astonished that they had intimidated the receptionist so easily. She decided it was well that the Amazonian was not around.

   Bender was obviously loving the power trip. After letting the receptionist sweat for a few moments, he smiled slightly. Leela took the cue. “You are fortunate today, pathetic mortal, for His Kingliness has deigned to spare your miserable life.” ‘Bob’ smiled shakily, still unsure what to make of all this. For the first time, Bender started speaking.

   “We are a forgiving robot.” Leela almost shook her head at the use of the royal ‘we’.  “My lowly flesh pile, we are here on behalf of the RPS, you’ve heard of us I’m sure.”

   The receptionist shrugged apologetically. “Uh, no, sir. I’m afraid not.”

   The crimson robot stared at him in brilliantly feigned astonishment. “How can you people live in such ignorance?!” He sighed, shaking his head at humans and their ways. “Never mind, I will be lenient. You, servant, explain our presence here to the uneducated peasant.” Leela glared at him for a second, but let go of her irritation quickly; the mission was too important for such petty things as wounded pride and cheap shots.

   “As you wish, sir. The RPS, or ‘Redhead Protection Society’ was made aware through certain sources that a member of our society has been mistreated in this very hospital.”

   The sweet-faced alien became defensive. “What? Now, sir, we’re very good to our patients-”

   Bender angrily cried, “Not good enough!”

   Leela nodded, continuing, “We have been mandated by the proud, and fierce Tomato People of Gardenia II to search out and punish all who would threaten our gentle brethren, every one of them, whether they be animal, vegetable or mineral,” here, she paused to let Bender bang his chest with a harsh clang, “scarlet of hair, skin or shell.”

Before he could take this in, she pulled out their secret weapon, another picture of Zoidberg. This one was a candid shot, showing him nestled in a dumpster, sobbing pathetically and chewing on a discarded dog leash. “You see this miserable soul, oh, I know on the surface it looks funny, but think of the torment this creature has undergone. As conscientious, and dangerous, citizens of the galaxy, we are dedicated to stamping out this kind of suffering, no matter how much they deserve it!”

Even Bender looked faintly impressed by her stirring speech.  The RPS was in fact, a real, if little known movement that had indeed been started up by the Tomato People of Gardenia II. You see, Gardenia I was occupied by the gruesome Pasta Warlords who had, until the recent peace agreement, been a deadly, deadly enemy of the near helpless Tomato People. It was a perfect choice, because everyone knew about the wars in the Cuisenaire Cluster, but almost no one recognized the entirely peaceful organization. It was only a matter of time really, before the gentle Tomatoans would be crushed out of existence, but hey, that was life in a hard universe for you.

   “So, uh, his Royal Supreme Potentness came here to-?” ‘Bob’ began the tentative question.

   Bender cut him off haughtily. “You will bring us to the patient called,” He paused, pointing at Leela.” The cyclops filled in the blank.

   “Fry, Philip J., sir.”.

   “Ah, yes. Fry.” Bender looked thoughtful as he said the name, rolling the R.

   The receptionist did some quick typing. An anxious look crossed his expressive face.“Well, I would sir, but according to our records, that patient is under guard.” In a gossipy, scandalized little voice, he added. “I’ve heard they suspect him of being a mutant.” Genially he continued, “I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see his type anyway, sir.”

   Bender slammed his hand down onto the desk so hard that it left a splintered imprint of his hand, the one nicknamed ‘Grabby’. “What! Haven’t you been listening?  Do I need to have my slave,” Leela stamped on his foot, “ow! I mean, my servant. Do I need to have her recite our full mandate, with all 97 amendments?!” Bender stared him hard in the face, promising trouble. ‘Bob’ folded like a house of cards.

   “N-, n-, no, sir. Follow me this way if it pleases you.” He watched the robot nervously, waiting for a response.

   After a beat, Bender nodded. “It does, so I will.” ‘Bob’ started quickly down the hall, and when he wasn’t looking, the two conspirators exchanged devious smiles. Their
plan was in motion. They had convinced at least one person, and now at least, there was hope for success.

   When they arrived at the door, URL and Smitty were still at their post. Well, more or less. The human had fallen asleep, his head tipped back to rest on the colourless walls. His gurgling snores echoed down the halls, and it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen over. Smitty was literally asleep on his feet. URL did not suffer from that human weakness, but he was trying to seduce a girlishly giggling crash cart.

Leela watched as Bender’s eyes jutted out from his head in admiration for the fembot. “Oh, baby. She can charge me up any day. Electric paddles, now that’s something I can admire in a working woman.” If he was capable of it, he would have been drooling. Not for the first time, Leela wondered why they had ever let all the world’s robots be produced by an evil, godless, business empire.

Sensing his frightened person was no longer necessary, Robert left the scene as calmly and gracefully as his trembling legs could carry him. URL had noticed their approach, and automatically refocused on his duty as Bender literally shoved his eyes back into his head.

   “Later, sugar, oh yeah.” He jabbed his sleeping partner in the arm to wake him before addressing Bender and Leela. “Yo, NNYPD. Sorry, this cat is off limits.”

Bender took charge. “I am the Honorable Potentate Super King guy of Gardenia II!” Smitty blinked at him sleepily, trying to widen his eyes enough to appear fully awake.

   “Huh? You’re who?” he questioned the robot articulately.

   Bender lowered his voice dangerously. “I’m the guy who’s gonna blow your worthless planet to scrap ions if he doesn’t get a little respect around here, after the litigation that is.”

   Leela decided it was her turn to play ‘good cop.’ Before URL or Smitty had a chance respond to Bender’s challenge, she jumped in. “Oh, now, now, sir. There’s no need to get upset. After all, Earthican’s are people too.” She smiled winningly at the alarmed officers, but save her warmest glances for Smitty, whom she might be able to influence. “Why, these brave soldiers must surely be guarding our latest case from those who don’t understand how special he is.”

   Smitty smiled back. “Sorry, ma’am, we’re peace officers, not soldiers, but we are very brave.” He glanced at his partner. “We’ll, I’m very brave. He’s a robot; no fear anyway.”

Inwardly gritting her teeth, Leela tried to look impressed. No wonder Amy had spent so much time manipulating men, certain types of men anyway; it was surprisingly easy. She supposed everyone found his or her own power trip.

   With Bender glaring angrily at the cops, Leela hurried to explain their presence, alternating her self-nauseating attempts at flirting with blatant hints about Bender’s political clout and the eminent destruction of anyone who didn’t co-operate with the RPS. “All the Potentate desires is to ensure that the redhead is being accorded all of his rights as set out in our mandate.” The robotic cop wasn’t budging.

   “Listen up, sister. We have a duty to keep that kid under wraps until… a higher-up tells us otherwise.” Smitty came to their rescue.

   “C’mon, URL. What’s it going to look like if we get the planet blown up over some nobody.” Finally, the police robot shrugged.

   “It’s your call, man, but it’s your badge too, yet again… baby.”

   Bender smiled, “Great!” He took in Leela’s soft choke. “Uh, I mean, your co-operation has spared billions from my brutal tyranny. Yeah, that’s it, tyranny.

   The cops let them in and Leela’s
head swam. Time away from Fry had changed her view of the room, and her friend. The room seemed smaller, and darker. There was a grim stillness in the air that caused her insides to churn. Fry had developed an unhealthy pallor, and his breathing was even slower. She was comforted to see his lips weren’t blue, but all colour had washed from them. The heart monitor’s blips were slow as well, and slightly irregular. They were running out of time.

Even Bender seemed taken aback, but only for a millisecond. He took a long critical look at the surroundings before viciously castigating everything he could process.

   “I am appalled; I am outraged by these violations!” In his ‘distress,’ he dropped the sovereign plural. “My servant and I came here hoping, nay, expecting this poor red brother would be treated with all the care his special needs require, but instead we find him being neglected in this prison!”

Smitty and URL stared at him, not sure how to deal with the situation. Normally, they could have called headquarters to check with the chief, but a flock of hunger-crazed owls had gotten into the computer systems and torn everything up. Communication was down, and most of the other officers had been set to catching the pesky birds.

   Quietly, Leela leaned over Fry, pinching him lightly in the perpetual hope of waking him up, or at least getting a response. She was about ready to turn some of her very real outrage into action, but instead, she bit her tongue and trusted in the plan. They had to get Fry out of there, and he was in no condition to help them in that effort. Needing to say something, she focused on the delivery boy. “It’s going to be alright. We’re going to take care of you,” she whispered into his ear.

   Finally, Smitty shrugged. “It looks fine in here to me. What’s the problem? He’s human; he’s got the standard human room.”

   “Fine? Fine?! Look at those sheets, at those walls! Not a drop of red anywhere in the room! There aren’t even flowers! There should be flowers, red ones! And look at the window. One small window? Look at this guy! He needs way more light than that! How is he supposed to get better if he can’t photosynthesize?” Bender was on a roll.

   “But humans don’t-” Smitty tried to reason with the half-crazed bending unit.

   “And what’s in that I.V.? That doesn’t look like the proper nutrients for healthy growth!” Bender grabbed the offending sack of liquid and waved in around before dropping it on the bed. Leela quickly hung it up again.


   “And where are the signs?” Smitty was getting upset with his tacit partner.

   “Signs?” Signs? Leela was as confused as the cops, but she soon caught on to Bender’s point.

   “Of course the signs! Every redhead is entitled to at least four motivational signs depicting positive messages like, ‘Hey, it’s okay to be red!’, or ‘Red is a cool colour!’ or ‘Give green Tomatoans a chance! (To ripen)’ or even, ‘Strawberry Blonds Forever!’ You are in direct violation of about 15 different statutes! Just what do you have to say to yourself?” Bender planted his hands on his hips like an angry mother fire hydrant scolding disobedient child fire hydrants. At long last, URL spoke.

   “Yo, man. Cool it. We’re just here for security. If you wanna complain about the décor, talk to the staff.” Smitty was relieved by his partner’s renewed interest.

   “Yeah, that ain’t our department. Bender wasn’t about to stand for that. He sought his own backup.

   “You, servant, and fellow redhead, are you as offended as I?” Leela nodded, glaring at the cops with every bit of bitterness and rage she could muster. It was unfortunate that she was wearing the dark glasses, otherwise they may have finally discovered what would happen if looks really could kill.

“Good, now, you listen up. I want you to find someone to help us, in the next two minutes. We are going to get this miserable wretch from a race of miserable wretches onto a stretcher and into some fresh air and sunlight.”

   “Whoa, you can’t take this guy anywhere. We’re holding him till the President’s team arrives… oops. Never mind that last part.” URL looked steadily at his wincing partner. This was why Smitty was never invited to play bridge.

   And anyway, baby, it’s night. The sun ain’t even up-”

   Bender covered quickly. “Ruby!” He pointed commandingly at Leela, who tried to accept her new name. “Heat up my death cannon, and in the meantime, send in the lawyers. These red-hating natives are proving difficult.” Trying not to panic at Bender’s bluff, she saluted and placed a hand to her ear, as if there was a cell phone jammed in it.

   “Agent… Nibbler! (pause) Yes, he has given the order. You may commence-” Smitty held up his hands in genuine panic now. Training was not exactly top quality in the force.

   “Wait!” Even URL seemed slightly less composed than usual.

   “Chill! Let’s talk babe, there’s no need to get lawyers involved!”

     All the shouting, mostly Bender’s, had again gathered a curious crowd around the room. Rumours had begun circulating that they were filming a soap opera, perhaps even an episode of All My Circuits and many of them were hoping to be extras.

   Bender exited the room, with Leela and the cops close behind. “You there!” He pointed in the face of a orderly. “Find anyone else you need and prep the patient to be moved outside where he can be given fresh air and sunlight.”

   “Sunlight? But-”

   “You heard me!”

   “Ah, alright then.” He uneasily called out to one of his coworkers and they wheeled a stretcher into Fry’s room. Unnoticed, another hospital employee ran off in search of Fry’s doctor. A nurse approached them, but Bender held up a firm hand.

   “Sir, by whose authority-”

   “By the authority of the noble RPS! And if you don’t comply, I’m going to sue the pants off of every witness here, before I bombard your planet.” The crowd noticeably thinned.

   She turned anxiously to the patient whose feathered arm she’d been binding. “Can he do that? Does he really have a case?”

   “As a lawyer, I am legally obliged to tell you that he does.” The Hyperchicken squawked loudly at her. He moved in, backing up Bender by promoting his services as a claims lawyer.

   Leela followed anxiously as the orderlies wheeled Fry into the hall. The plan seemed to be working, but it was taking up far too much time. They had been there for more than half an hour, with Bender’s blustering making the planned ‘scene’ into a fiasco. Suddenly she heard a voice calling angrily. She turned and recognized the doctor that Amy had tried to manipulate.

   “That’s no member of the RPS! That’s the woman you kicked out of the mutant’s room! Don’t let them get away; they’re trying to steal the patient!”

   Smitty and URL immediately tried to grab Leela and the girlishly shrieking Bender while Dr. Ambrose tried to clear the hall to protect his patients. The Hyperchicken resisted until someone made a grab for him, then he bolted down the hall, scattering loose feathers everywhere.

    It took no time for Leela to break loose from Smitty, a solid punch in the jaw sent him reeling, but Bender was struggling to free himself from URL, who beat the robot in terms of strength. Leela let loose with a flying sidekick that unbalanced the robot, and Bender twisted free in the distraction.

Knowing the robot was the worse problem, and also being eminently familiar with a robot’s weaknesses, Bender grabbed the startled crash cart fembot and sent a shower of electricity into his circuits, zapping him into robot party land. Having completely forgotten about what he was doing there, URL started serenading the utterly charmed fembot with some classic Barry White. Leela wasted no time listening, someone had called hospital security, and several officers were running towards them.

   “Bender, get Fry out of here!” She shoved the robot towards the stretcher and turned to slow down Smitty and the fast approaching security guards.

   “Kidnap the stiff, gotcha. C’mon, buddy, time to go home!” He yanked out the I.V. from Fry’s hand in a carless movement that would have really, really hurt the delivery boy if he’d been conscious. Effortlessly slinging his buddy over his shoulder in a firefighter’s carry, Bender took off down the hall and into the stairwell.

   Leela blocked Smitty from following, and URL was crooning seductively at the crash cart, no longer any sort of threat, however, the security guards ducked around her and chased the fleeing robot. Smitty was reaching for his laser, and she struggled with him, furious at the man for even considering firing a laser in a hospital corridor.

With the tiny part of her brain that was not devoted to escape, she could hear screams and frightened crying from onlookers. It was madness. She finally got the weapon away from him and knocked his head against the wall with enough forced to knock him unconscious. She turned to bolt down the hall after Bender, but a cold, calm voice spoke from her left.

   “Hands up, miss.” Something in the voice carried enough of a threat to convince Leela to obey. Turning slowly to the source of the voice, she saw three men, all human, and all holding weapons at her. She’d been caught. With two of them holding weapons on her, the third carefully frisked her, gaping a bit when he pulled off her glasses and saw her eye. Finding no weapons, he rejoined his companions. The first agent spoke again.

    “Where’s the robot taking the mutant, ma’am.” Leela stared at him stubbornly, and said nothing.

   “We will find him, one way or another, so you might as well make it easy on yourself.” Again, Leela said nothing. The mission may not have gone exactly to plan, but at least they’d gotten Fry out of there. At least, she hoped so.

   Bender ducked past patients and staff, hospital security chasing him as fast as they could, waving tazers. He slammed through the hospital doors, and darted into the alley. Tossing Fry’s limp body none too gently into the shopping cart, he covered his roomie with blankets, pulled a chewed up ski mask over his face and started singing a blues song about being down on his luck.

When the guards rounded the corner, all they saw was a homeless robot pushing all his worldly possessions ahead of him, amongst several other homeless robots. Bender pointed at some other poor robot. “There he is, get him!” and moseyed off. The security guards dog piled on the innocent bystander as Bender left with Fry safely nestled in the blankets.

Starship Captain
« Reply #268 on: 11-27-2004 23:28 »

Jolly good.

« Reply #269 on: 11-27-2004 23:47 »

Indeed. Jolly Good
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #270 on: 11-27-2004 23:53 »

Ahhh! So much action, baby (URL was awesome in this)! That plan was utterly ingenious, really... The Redhead Protection Society? Priceless. Where do you come up with this stuff? Oh, and the whole Gardenia II plotline had me giggling in giggly hysterics. But the suspense is killing me with all its steak knives and pitchforks of doom. I must know what happens to Leela, man! Ya dig?

... Oh, and merci beaucoup- I have written things before, among fanfiction (only for Invader Zim, I'm afraid...) but I've never done anything for Futurama, as my creative juices aren't numerous enough to weave a plotline for me (other than this little one that's been nagging me, but I'm not sure how I'd lay it out and there would be a lot of loopholes I'd have to fix before putting it to action). Not to mention I usually hate my fics/pieces a month or so later after writing them, so a lot of the said fics/pieces never get completed.

Anyway, enough about me... MORE OF THE STORY!!

Bending Unit
« Reply #271 on: 11-28-2004 06:55 »
« Last Edit on: 11-28-2004 06:55 »

i'm new, but i think i got it.. RPS comes from a sherlock holmes tale, doesnt' it? fantastic fanfiction, however, i found this site because of it, and the hyperchicken, what a genius!!

Urban Legend
« Reply #272 on: 11-28-2004 19:18 »

OH MY GAWD! The mutant haters have Leela!

*Runs in circles* AAAAAAAHHHHHHhhaaaaaaaHHHHHAA AAaaaaaahhhh!

Urban Legend
« Reply #273 on: 11-28-2004 20:35 »

Originally posted by morbo_it:
i'm new, but i think i got it.. RPS comes from a sherlock holmes tale, doesn't it? !!

My God, he's right, "The Red-headed League!"
Welcome to PEEL, morbo_it.

Layla, this is great.  Though when I think of Bender painted crimson, all I can think of is Nurdbot.  Oh well.  Now go, continue weaving a plot line even Arthur Doyle would envy.  You're well on your way.

Knowing the robot was the worse problem, and also being eminently familiar with a robot’s weaknesses, Bender grabbed the startled crash cart fembot and sent a shower of electricity into his circuits, zapping him into robot party land. Having completely forgotten about what he was doing there, URL started serenading the utterly charmed fembot with some classic Barry White. Leela wasted no time listening, someone had called hospital security, and several officers were running towards them.

Don't ask me why, but that paragraph jumped out as being very well written...


Starship Captain
« Reply #274 on: 11-28-2004 23:41 »

Great chapter,this is one of my favorite fanfics.Hope you update soon.

Urban Legend
« Reply #275 on: 11-29-2004 01:35 »

Alright.  Enough slacking on my part, like I have for the last few sections.  It's time to get back to actual critiquing.  I hope you appreciate I'm missing sleeptime to do this (just kidding.  I'm actually missing webcomic reading time to do this):

First, the RPS and Bender and Leela's acting jobs:
Priceless.  Aside from the connection to the first  pyramid scheme in legitimate literature (if I remember the story correctly) Bender acting like royalty is always hilarious.  Well, except in A Pharaoh to Remember, but you know what I mean.  As is Leela getting angry.  For some reason, all the lawyer discussion made me think of Thief from 8 Bit Theater.
“Heat up my death cannon, and in the meantime, send in the lawyers."
“Chill! Let’s talk babe, there’s no need to get lawyers involved!”

'Bob' was good, but the joke/scifi cliché parody behind it sort of fell flat.  It's one of those things a speed reader like myself could easily skip over.

The backstory about the RPS and the Tomatoans is good, but it breaks the momentum of the scene just a bit.  Consider putting it somewhere else.  When description pre-empts the narration, you start sounding like Dickens, and nobody wants that to become a habit.

Smitty and URL are again superbly characterized.  There are too many examples to give here, but they and Bender's ranting probably tie for the best aspects of this chapter.  Come to think of it, everyone was really well written.  As usual.

And once again: DUN Dun dun!

One more thing: I miss Fry.  I'm assuming we're going to see inside his head later with the M^3, but maybe we could see a bit of his dreaming earlier (or interspersed throughout the final version of the story.)  I know you probably wanted to avoid this so the fic doesn't read like a The Sting rehash, but I think artificially induced dreams in Fry's head have the potential to be pretty damn hilarious.

Keep up the wonderful work, Layla.

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #276 on: 11-29-2004 02:13 »

The paragraph JBERGES quoted was well written. I just hope my story doesn't suck when I write it. (Yours was great, I'm talking about mine.) I'd read the whole thing, but it's pretty late where I am.

To Nerd-o-rama:

^^Too bad. Hey, remember hobojobo in Futurama Trivia Champion I? He thought he wouldn't come back, but he did.
And this game was only at an irregular pace because I had Thanksgiving Break, so I apologize. Now that I have to go back to school, it'll be on a more regular pace. (Kind of like the last few rounds of the first game, if you remember.) You know, starting at 4:00p.m.[pst]. (pacific standard time). Then a new question will HAVE to be posted every 1-2 hours, since there are an unlimited amount of players that can reply. Last question would be from 9:00p.m.-10:00p.m.[pst].
So don't get your hopes down. (I'd e-mail you, but you don't have an e-mail address.) So I'll copy & paste this message to any other thread I see you post in, in hopes that you'll see this message. Unless you read this message in this thread. Then I won't be copying and pasting this message in the threads you post in.


Delivery Boy
« Reply #277 on: 11-29-2004 03:03 »

Yeah, uh... hi. Long time listener, first time caller. I gotta say: this story rocks. Seriously, the only thing it's missing is...oh no, wait, it's got that... Um...

Good stuff. Good stuff.

Bending Unit
« Reply #278 on: 11-29-2004 10:57 »

Thanks a lot, guys. I appreciate it.

You know, I think this thread really is a lurker/newbie magnet. Maybe I should subtitle the fic. "Fry's Choice: A story for newbies, by a newbie. 'Cause we're people too."  :)

Also, Nerd-o-rama should be given the title of Official Spokesman, since he manages to drag this fic all over the boards. And I love him for it.  ;)

Pataloca: Thanks for calling, Radio Psychic. You will die a terrible, terrible death. Oh, wait. That was our last caller.(just kidding, Simpson's quote.)
Thanks for replying! I'm so glad you like it.

Eyedol: (Stares at post for a long while, utterly baffled.) Well, I'm glad you liked the paragraph. Thanks for dropping by. (I don't really blame you for not reading the whole thing in one evening. It's 40000 words now.)

Nerd-o-rama: The internet is full of slackers, I don't think you qualify. I do appreciate your brave sacrifice though.  :)

Now is the point where I have to confess. (Bows head in shame) I have never read Doyle. (sobs) I meant to, I swear! So the RPS is pure coincidence. But happy coincidence! Layla dances happily because you liked the crazy scheme.

You're a speed reader? Cool! That's a handy talent. I think you're right about the backstory being moved. (But I love it, so I'm not cutting it.  :p)(Was just compared to famous author... :eek :) As for 'Bob' I may change it, but it was less intended as a joke than to give yet another extra a bit of personality.

I really can't get over that you like my characterization of URL and Smitty. I struggle with them to be honest, because I hate being a straight copycat, and I don't like repeating myself.In fact, I'm slowly going insane over "Leela, she, the purple-haired woman, the cyclops, the captain, etc."
I'm glad you brought up Fry, and I think when I've got the story written, I'll be taking your advice and adding crazy dream scenes, especially when things sl0w down a bit. I miss him too. I've been missing him for quite awhile. In fact, I've actually skipped ahead and written some Fry/Leela scenes including what I have no doubt is the greatest cliffhanger I've ever written. You will all hate me, and I am pleased.

Philp_J_Fry: Thanks a bunch! I'll update when I can!

JBERGES: I can't claim that stroke of brilliance unfortunately. (RPS) I seem to stumble into these things. There's a nice review to put at the front of the book, "When I read this, all I could think of was Nurdbot." JBERGES, Peeler Post.
Is compared to another famous author. Is astonished.

Venus: Oh, you're fun! What will happen... even I don't know. (Well, actually...)

morbo_it: Yay! Another newbie! Welcome! Nice connection to sherlock holmes, even if it was pure coincidence. I have a question though. As fa as I know, this is the only place the fanfic is posted. Where on earth did you hear about it??

say what now: Ah, your raves always make me smile. Thank you. How do I come up with this stuff? Uh, well, if I can't come up with something plausible, I come up with something insane. People are too busy laughing to go: hey! Wait a minute...

Besides, where did you come up with "giggling in giggly hysterics?"
I still think you should write something. I could beta...

ooy:Thanks indeed!

ShortRoundMcfly: Hey, this is a first from you isn't it. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.


Urban Legend
« Reply #279 on: 11-29-2004 11:26 »

i rather liked the Bob bit.

Originally posted by Layla50:
 I'm slowly going insane over "Leela, she, the purple-haired woman, the cyclops, the captain, etc."

Me too! That's been bugging me about my own fic for a while.

As for 'greatest cliff-hanger ever', You don't want to get on my bad side. I mace people that get on my bad side. or i bite them. Yar!
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