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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 14691 times)
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morbo_it

Bending Unit
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« Reply #280 on: 11-29-2004 13:13 »

thanks for the welcome! i found a link to this thread on CGEF.. another lucky coincidence
becky

Bending Unit
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« Reply #281 on: 11-29-2004 14:11 »

 love   love   love
This part deserves three love-smileys! It’s really exciting, funny and great! I hope it doesn’t take you long to write out the next part, because I’m very excited about that! But no pressure, no pressure...  smile

 
Quote
“Oh, baby. She can charge me up any day. Electric paddles, now that’s something I can admire in a working woman.”
Hahaha, that's so funny!

 
Quote
“Whoa, you can’t take this guy anywhere. We’re holding him till the President’s team arrives… oops. Never mind that last part.” URL looked steadily at his wincing partner. This was why Smitty was never invited to play bridge.
I love how you put small pieces of Smitty and URL's personal life into this, like the karaoke-joke in part 23.

 
Quote
becky: I wish I had your talent at drawing. (Heck, I wish I could draw stick figures with arms the same length) I'm so glad you enjoyed the Nixon/ Flexo moment. Flexo's a bit tricky, cause we don't know that much about him. He's like Bender, but...not. And I would never have known English wasn't your first language.( Which is?)
Aw, that's very nice of you to say! And, yeah, Flexo seems tricky to write, but you pull it off so well!
My first language is Norwegian, by the way. The fact that you couldn't tell gives me a lot of confidence for my upcoming English mid-term!
say what now

Bending Unit
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« Reply #282 on: 11-29-2004 18:26 »

Woo, Becky, that's awesome. I didn't notice one bit either.

And Layla- thank you for the encouragement  smile. You've made me happy and have motivated me to get some ideas bubbling, so perhaps I'll get to work on that. Hopefully the straws I'll be reaching for will be there and they will be fat, awesome, and bendy (because I love bendy straws...)! Would it be OK if I could send you parts through email or something? I wouldn't want to start posting it in public places until I had it finished- I decided that after around my 5th incomplete fiction. That way, I can hate it after people have read the whole thing and I won't be able to do anything about it!

Also, I've never had someone beta my stuff, so it would probably make it much more tolerable to me. If this is OK with you, I'll start procrastinating on my geometry homework and start thinking of plot ideas  wink.
Layla50

Bending Unit
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« Reply #283 on: 11-29-2004 19:29 »

Sure, that'd be fine with me! Yay! Another fanfic for me to read and enjoy instead of working on my own. Whoo!

P.S. Fry should be returning within in a few chapters.

Now, back to hiding in terror from Venus. Perhaps I will live in the sewers with mutants, or design an atomic monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal...
say what now

Bending Unit
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« Reply #284 on: 11-29-2004 19:55 »

Hey hey hey! Just 'cause you're bein' a good ol' beta to me, doesn't mean you have an excuse to procrastinate on your fic! Geometry homework is different. Work, I say! *snaps a thread that is intended to be a menacing sort of whip*

(In a sense, I am joking. In another sense, you better be diligent  wink.)
ShortRoundMcfly

Starship Captain
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« Reply #285 on: 11-29-2004 21:59 »

That last chapter really has me in suspense, I was just beginging to lose interest in the story before that too. Nice save.
ooy

Professor
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« Reply #286 on: 11-29-2004 22:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
ooy:Thanks indeed!
Indeed, Indeed  wink

Pataloca

Delivery Boy
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« Reply #287 on: 11-29-2004 22:47 »

 
Quote
P.S. Fry should be returning within in a few chapters.

Can "within a few chapters" be right now? Or is that being too needy?


And Erin, we were just talking and since your available, we wanna marry you. ~Q.T.
I'll marry you 5 times in one night! ~Mickey
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! ~Erin
For real? ~Mickey
The sweetest thing I've ever seen was a baby dressed up as a bumble bee. ~Chad
On this video I saw, The Wu Tang turn into a army of bumble bees. ~Mickey
One time when I was in a coma, I was a bee and I had sex with my mom. ~Q.T.
Layla50

Bending Unit
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« Reply #288 on: 11-30-2004 00:56 »

Because I am so incredibly accommadating, wink (AKA: completely insane with time on my hands) big grin I'm giving you a very short, rather strange Fry scene. It's not particularly funny, and it doesn't make any sense at present, but if you're familiar with the concept of themes, it will hopefully have some meaning in the long run. This isn't where this will end up in the finished version of the story, (for anyone who doesn't know, this is not even close to a finished version), but you can expect more of these interludes (for lack of a better word). Future ones will be more comic in nature, and still be quite bizarre. I think you'll see a progress to them, and they'll be integrated with the main "mind" plotline (Yes, even in his head, there's a plot). It's actually this massive metaphor I'm working with (I think it's pretty subtle right now) but I'll write a plot bunny of your choice if you guess it first. (You may want to email me your responses, if you're interested in my lame prize.) Enjoy!

Part 28:
(Interlude)

   There was something he was supposed to be doing. It was something important, but for the life of him, Fry couldn’t think what it was. So, he could either worry about it, or relax and wait until someone yelled at him. That someone was usually Leela, and Fry knew she was very good about letting him know when he’d forgotten to do something, or if he’d put it off too long. Fry was glad. Someone should know, and it might as well be Leela, since she was the captain and captains were supposed to know. He was the delivery boy, and he almost never knew.
   He smiled sleepily at the Big Brain. “Yep. Captains are supposed to know, and so are brains, right? That’s what I think, anyway.” He poked it experimentally. It (She? He?) was disturbingly warm and squishy. Fry shuddered.
   “No one cares what you think, half-wit. Now take this.” A glowing metaphysical brain tentacle, or a dealie, in Fry’s words, extended above the delivery boy’s head and plucked a flower out of thin air. He stared at the Brain’s offering with no small amount of trepidation, wondering if it was hitting on him. His strange companion spoke again, but in a different voice, an authoritative voice that seemed both familiar and altogether new to the confused man. “I will try to give you what help I can.” Fry stared at the Brain, trying to process this, then chuckled nervously.
   “Uh, great, thanks. I’m fine right now, I guess, no help needed. Oh, wait! Where are we?” Fry was knocked onto his back from his cross-legged position by a living chunk of grey matter larger than his personal body.
   The Big Brain laughed triumphantly as it flew past, “I are winning again! Kegger at the infosphere!” then it disappeared into the same realm from which it had plucked the flower.
   “Goodbye!” Picking himself up, Fry waved cheerfully at the space where it had vanished. When, after a minute, it did not return, he felt a pang of loneliness. He leaned over and picked up the wilted flower. It was pretty, but damaged. There was a bend in the stem so that it would no longer stand up straight in his hand. He sighed sadly.
   “I’m sorry. I think I must have squished you when I fell.” He stroked the petals gently. “You’re alright. You just need a little love, like that Christmas tree on Charlie Brown.” Without thinking about what he was doing, Fry picked up a trowel that had not been there a second before, and planted the flower, tying it to a stick to support it. His flower seemed brighter, happier, and Fry felt a bit better. The earth was moist, and he knew that plants needed water to grow properly.
   “Well, goodbye.” In his strange, dream-like state, he spoke regretfully to the pale flower. “I’ve gotta go. There’s something important I’m supposed to be doing, and I have to find Leela, so she can tell me what it is.” Fry looked around, but he could not distinguish anything resembling a path in the shadowy landscape. Shrugging, he set off in a randomly chosen direction, skidding slightly on the terrain, made slippery by its wetness.


 Comments will help me see if this style is okay. If you really despise it, tell me, but try to tell me nicely, okay?

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
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« Reply #289 on: 11-30-2004 02:59 »

Fry's Back!  Huzzah!

Seriously, the oddness seems to indicate some very nice things going on.  Short and with a different type of humor...but it's a dream sequence and, as far as I can tell, a test for you.  I can't wait to figure out what's going on.  More info would be forthcoming but I'm about 12 seconds away from falling asleep at this point.
ooy

Professor
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« Reply #290 on: 11-30-2004 06:23 »

wooa! good chapter.
say what now

Bending Unit
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« Reply #291 on: 11-30-2004 07:32 »

YESSS!! I've missed Fry too!! I liked it. It was really odd. And the Charlie Brown part made me smile. Short, but sweet.

I can't wait to find out what's happening here either. It will be neat to piece together!
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
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« Reply #292 on: 12-03-2004 22:39 »

...where'd Layla go?  Is she waiting for someone to guess her mind plot-thingy?  Or is she pulling a JBERGES every other writer on this board?
Layla50

Bending Unit
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« Reply #293 on: 12-03-2004 23:47 »

No, no, I'm around, and writing too, I'll try to get something out tommorow. It's just been busy lately, what with starting my practicum and having projects, rehearsals and concerts. Musicians are busy people. I have to sleep sometime! Still, it's nice to be missed. :)Give me a little credit, I've almost caught up to Venus (73 pages and counting) in the time I've been writing this, which hasn't been all that long. Still, I have left you with both a mystery and a cliffie, and I want to make the next part worthy of your expectations.
Venus

Urban Legend
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« Reply #294 on: 12-04-2004 00:02 »

*sobs* caught up with me? Hell, you surpassed me! When i copied/pasted my story from microsoft works to microsoft word and respaced the headings from each chapter my story only wound up being 65 pages long! And it's taken me over a year to get that far!
Layla50

Bending Unit
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« Reply #295 on: 12-04-2004 22:47 »
« Last Edit on: 12-04-2004 22:47 »

Okay, well here is the promised update. I hope it's appropriately exciting. Definately leaning more dramatic in this part (sorry N-o-r).

Venus: Whoo! In your face everyone who hasn't written an insanely long fanfic! (Sorry, just kidding. It's quality, not quantity that counts, and you've got more of that in the few parts you've posted than I have in all these words.

say what now: So you approve of the weirdness of that first bit. I think they'll all have that dreaminess to them, at least until Leela gets there. I'm so glad you liked the Charlie Brown reference.
I'm desperately curious to see how long it takes for someone to mention it. (For all I know, it's so obvious that no one will bring it up.)

Oh, and if I'm really late with an update, I'll just blame it on N-o-r. I'll say he scared me away. I'm sure he can take it.

ooy: Thanks!


N-O-R: Updates should be a little more often now, I hope. Yep, the interlude was definately a test. Look for the interludes to become longer, more involved and more complex. Since this is all out of Fry's very addled mind, it will be strange. Leela's arrival will change things.

ShortRoundMcFly: I seem to have good timing, I assure you it is pure coincidence.   smile I'm glad you're still reading.

morbo_it: Well, I'm just so delighted you're here, reading all these words. (Seriously, isn't this a little overwhelming to come on to at this point?)
Your support means a lot to me.


Part 29: 

   Bender strode through the sewers with his unconscious friend slung over his shoulder like a sack of dancing space potatoes. It didn’t take long for his splashing to attract attention. The mutants did not accost him this time, but began wordlessly guiding him through the sewers. He didn’t really need the guidance, but you never knew when a few genetic freaks would come in handy.

   The trip was mercifully short with few words exchanged. Robots were virtually unheard of in the sewers, and Bender didn’t know whether to be pleased with the mutants curious attention or annoyed by their staring. When he arrived within sight of the Turanga home, they dispersed, presumably to their own homes and families.

   Stepping up to the ratty looking house, Bender banged violently on the door that happened to be in better shape than those of the other mutants' homes. He shook his head, or more accurately, rotated it back and forth. “Honestly, what do you people need with all this extra space anyway?” He demanded  loudly to the apparently deserted area, not really looking for a response. “You got space for eating, sleeping, space for whatever bathrooms are for, it's just so excessive.”

   Folding his extenso-matic arms across his chest he denounced the indulgent lifestyle of the desperately poor mutants. “It makes me glad for the simple existence of a robot: efficient, cold sterility marked by wild parties and the occasional poker tournaments!” He laughed to himself in satisfaction. “You know, I think it’s about time for another little soiree. Whoa!”

   The robot was a bit surprised when the door flew open and Leela’s parents rushed out. They had been waiting impatiently all evening for their daughter’s return. Munda moaned softly in sympathy when she saw Fry. Morris was trying to hurry the robot away from the house at the same time as he tried to relieve Bender of his burden. Munda was trying to get a closer look at the young man, gently brushing his hair out of his closed eyes. Bender was trying desperately not to trip over Munda’s tail and end up end-up in murky water.

   “Hey! Whoa, whoa, hey! Will you monsters cut it out!” Morris stopped pulling on Fry in favour of getting information out of the robot. His daughter’s absence had not gone unnoticed.

   “Where’s Leela?” Bender looked behind him thoughtfully, as if just then realizing she wasn’t with him, and shrugged.    

   “Ahdunno, she was right behind me in the hospital when we were surrounded by police and security guards.” His lack of concern rankled Leela’s parents. Morris latched on to Bender’s arms and awkwardly shook him. Munda, looking appalled, pulled her husband off the robot.

   “And you just left her there, surrounded by guards who were specifically out to capture a mutant? How could you do that?!” Bender took a step back from Leela's mother, shifting his lifeless roomie on his shoulder.

   “Oh, relax. Only the police guys were there ‘cause of mutants; the security guards were just there to chase after whatever was shiny and moving. And that happened to be me, Bender!” He glanced down at his red lacquered finish and frowned. “Well, not so shiny right now.” The Turangas were not particularly interested in Benders issues with the paint job. Thinking of the escape, Bender chortled with glee. “Amateurs. I could outrun a dozen of those puppies.”

   “But where is Leela?” Morris demanded angrily. Before Bender could repeat that he didn’t know, Munda shook her head.

   “Nevermind, Morris. We’ll worry about her when we’ve gotten this poor boy to the Professor. He looks awful.” She sighed sadly, wanting to comfort the man who had risked so much for her child.

   “It’s okay, he always looks like that.” Bender teased, but quickly began walking when Munda pushed him. “Hey, easy there! I’m goin’. I’m goin’.” Suddenly he could see some of Leela’s assertive personality in Munda. Clearly, Leela got more than her looks from her parents.

Astonished by his wife’s seemingly cavalier attitude, Morris protested, “But, our daughter-?”

   “Morris, she can take care of herself, for a little while anyway, and her friend here can’t right now.” Munda spoke sharply, nerves fraying.

   “Not even at the best of times really.” Bender remarked, but no one was listening.

Wearily, Munda continued, “She’s probably fine, Morris.”

   “Yeah, and what if she’s not?” Munda said nothing, refusing to look back at them. Inside, she was sick with worry, but panic would not help them find Leela or wake the delivery boy.

Full of grief, Morris bowed to his wife’s wisdom. “Please, let her be all right.” She heard him whisper. It was not a new phrase for him. Munda had heard the quiet supplication every night just before she slept, every night since the day they entrusted Leela to the care of surface-dwelling strangers. Like her loving husband, Munda would always bear an ache in her heart for all those lost years.

   Swallowing hard and quickening her pace, she finally responded, “If she’s not alright, someone is going to answer for it.”
 
---------------------------------------
      Leela was desperately trying to think of way of getting out from under the laser sights. Unlike the wretchedly incompetent cops, these men were intelligent and well trained. “Easy ma’am, we don’t want trouble here. You look like a reasonable person, someone who wouldn’t want a lot of innocent people to get hurt.” The dark-skinned man, obviously the leader of the group, sounded eerily calm.

   His melodious words bordered on patronizing, as if Leela was a distraught child. It rankled her deeply and violent fantasies began carousing through her skull, starting with an immensely satisfying vision of where she would aim that laser first, given the chance. Fury and frustration bubbled up inside her, but she stayed quiet, biting back the angry retort that was hovering on her lips. Instead, she gave him a cold stare, taking advantage of the way her solitary eye disturbed most people.
 
   The other two agents looked uneasily away from her face, and Leela found a touch of vindication in that small victory. The man gripping her smiled grimly. “It would be in your best interest to co-operate ma’am.”

His voice took on an almost conversational tone. “We’re not your enemies. I know you think that that man is your friend, and if he turns out to be normal, he’ll be given the best of care, and then released.” Leela clenched her fists and said nothing.

He smiled sympathetically at her as he continued, “And if he turns out to be a mutant, then he was never your friend to begin with.” The man began gently stroking her hand as he tried to persuade her to surrender. Every vile curse she had ever heard begged for permission to be voiced, repeatedly.

“Everyone knows how treacherous and dangerous mutants are. He would have betrayed you in the end. He might even have accused you of being the mutant.” Leela tried not to react as guilt flooded through her. She would not give this man anything.

He looked deeply into her eye and his voice dropped to an almost seductive whisper. “I would think that as a humanoid alien, you would understand. Mutants complicate the relationship between humans and our foreign friends. People get confused when they can’t tell the difference between who’s from earth and who’s not.” Leela forgot her rage as inexpressible horror filled her. “We don’t need mutants, living like parasites off of our noble society. One day, Earthicans will be a united people, the day we eliminate that confusion.”

He said it so simply, as if he wasn’t suggesting the extermination of thousands of people. She stared at him, sickened by the sincerity of his conviction. Were these only the words of this agent, or did they stem from a higher source? Was Nixon really that depraved? Was he actually considering not just enslaving, but destroying the mutant population?

A fluttering feeling of alarm rushed through her body, and she swayed. His smile grew wider and Leela cursed her own weakness. “I never should have expected a freak like you to understand.”

   His voice regained it’s normal volume as he snapped out the command. “You’re coming with us.” He gestured for her to move ahead, but the cyclops stubbornly refused to obey.

In the hospital, there was at least hope for a distraction, an escape, something, but if they cornered her in a room or trapped her in a car she would never get away. Abruptly, he grabbed her by the arm and started dragging her down the hall. She hissed in pain as he viciously dug his fingers deeply into her flesh and pulled her close to murmur in her ear. “We still have lasers pointed at you, ma’am, so don’t try anything. Believe me when I say that we won’t hesitate to shoot you if you make it necessary.”

   His breath warmed her ear and she shuddered, not in fear, but revulsion. “You’re right about one thing.” She replied, eye forward, “there are a lot of monsters on this planet.” Allowing the anger to come out in her voice she added, “but you can’t tell who they are by looking.”

   He laughed, but there was nothing genuine about it. With his partners close behind and maintaining a bead on her, he began moving Leela roughly through the corridors. She resisted his efforts, but only subtly; she had no reason to believe they wouldn’t shoot her, and she didn’t want any of the innocent bystanders to get hurt.

The woman tried not to reveal how desperate she was to escape. A DNA examination would reveal her mutant heritage, and Leela did not want to think about what would happen to her then. One thing was certain; they would never let her go.

   Fry’s predicament was also heavy on her mind. Although in theory another mutant might be able to call him back to the waking world, deep in her heart, Leela did not think anyone else would be able to rescue him. It may have been narcissistic of her, but she felt Fry would listen to her pleas, where he might not listen to someone else’s. Again and again, he had shown a willingness to follow her anywhere, and she hoped against hope that this time, Fry would follow her home. 
   
A crawling feeling up and down her spine reminded her mercilessly that with two deadly energy weapons pointed at her defenseless back, and her arms imprisoned in the manic agent’s hands, escape was near impossible. A bleak cloud of despondency infused her being as the wounding knowledge that her capture meant Fry’s almost certain death pierced her spirit. However, when things seemed darkest, a ray of hope came again from an unexpected source.

   Smitty, disoriented from the blow she had dealt him earlier came staggering down the hall. “Wait, that’s my prisoner!” he protested, “Don’t let her get away!” The NRSS agent holding Leela rolled his eyes in irritation and tried to quicken their pace, but Leela let herself become deadweight, sliding from his grip to the floor.

She gasped when he kicked her savagely, cursing as he attempted to pull her to her feet. Watching the semi-conscious officer’s meandering approach carefully, she tensed her muscles, preparing to bolt. When Smitty blundered into the side of one of the agents distracted by her collapse, and knocked him in front of the other, Leela seized the chance.

Launching to her feet, she drove her palm into her captor’s nose with all the force she possessed. He cried out in pain as blood spurted wildly. Ignoring the gruesome spray, she knocked him off balance and took off down the corridor. Ducking around people and desperately hoping the agents wouldn’t start shooting, Leela sped away, terribly aware that she had only seconds before they composed themselves.

The cyclops itched all over, waiting to be struck in the back, or in the head with a precision shot. However, Leela was in luck; they were chasing her rather than shooting. Evidently, they didn't want the responsibility of all that collateral damage.

After a handful of seconds that felt like years, she spotted what she’d been looking for. Long hair flying, Leela ducked into a patient’s room and pushed up the large window that had already been opened a crack. The drug-addled cries from the patient flickered past her ears so fast that she did not even process them. The cyclops speedily clambered out the window and, in a risky move born out of mad frenzy, she spread herself flat, skidding down the side of the building.

It was only by a physical miracle of balance, which had been honed by her dedicated study of kung fu, that she was able to catch herself on the ledges on the way down. Although her arms were scratched and bleeding by the time she came to a very hard landing on the pavement, she was grateful to be more or less in one piece. A fall from that height would have broken bones if she’d not been able to fall in stages. Before the agents realized what she’d done, Leela took off down the street, looking for the nearest manhole cover. She was gasping, hurting and her heart was threatening to pound itself right out of her chest, but she was elated, too. They had done it; she was free and they had rescued Fry from Nixon’s agents!
-------------------------------------------
Not even a cliffie this time. Aren't you happy?   smile

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #296 on: 12-04-2004 23:11 »
« Last Edit on: 12-04-2004 23:11 »

So...intense...blood pressure...rising... *faints* I was so expecting her to get shot.

EDIT: Hey, Layla what's your word count right now?
Layla50

Bending Unit
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« Reply #297 on: 12-04-2004 23:40 »

Precisely? 43,746 Making this officially the longest thing I've ever written. I'm really glad there was suspense. I'm sure as a fellow author you understand how difficult it is to judge suspense. Although, I did consider letting her get shot, and captured and having Morris rescue her. Wouldn't that have been interesting? But then I'd never get to the end of this story.
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #298 on: 12-05-2004 00:06 »
« Last Edit on: 12-05-2004 00:06 »

Great chapter,Im glad frys back and leela has escaped.Wonderful story
Pataloca

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #299 on: 12-05-2004 01:07 »

Yeah! THEY'RE FREE!! AND ALIVE! AND NOT BEING SHOT! WHOOO!!!! (Sorry. I'm really excited cause I left my crappy, stupid job.  smile)
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #300 on: 12-05-2004 01:31 »
« Last Edit on: 12-05-2004 01:31 »

WOWPOW. WOW WITH A POW! SO YES!! BEST ESCAPE SCENE KNOWN TO MANKIND... OR MAYBE JUST ME, BUT WHOEVER TRIES TO BEAT THIS FACES A CHALLENGE!!! WOOO!!

/end adrenaline-induced caps.
Lrrrr

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #301 on: 12-05-2004 04:18 »

Layla, this is one of the best, if not the best, Fanfic I have ever read. Every one is in Character the story line is great. Lets just put it this way, there's not enough words to describe how much I like it. Keep up the great work Layla.
morbo_it

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #302 on: 12-05-2004 06:48 »

i like stories with some beating up (beating up is a correct word or did i just create it?)
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #303 on: 12-05-2004 08:02 »

*sobs* You've beat me by almost 5,000 words! You..you..wordy person you!


 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
Although, I did consider letting her get shot, and captured and having Morris rescue her. Wouldn't that have been interesting? But then I'd never get to the end of this story.

That would have been interesting, but very hard to do without Morris blowing her cover.
Crash_7

Professor
*
« Reply #304 on: 12-05-2004 12:22 »

Good.  I didn't want Leela to be captured.  It would have been too much of a sidetrack to the main story. 
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #305 on: 12-05-2004 13:32 »

Gah!  Too long to commentate!  Too good for me to have to!

Seriously, I don't have the time or attention span to point out all the good and bad of this chapter.  You know I want more comedy and this chapter was a little lacking...but you made up for it here with all the action.  Keep going, and let's see some sciency stuff, and some more evil agency stuff and...and...lasers and stuff.  Yeah...I'm totally zoned out right now.
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #306 on: 12-05-2004 14:20 »

Wow, that was great! I could feel the joy inside me when she finally got away from the agents!  big grin Thank you for not hanging us on a cliff there, Layla!

I also really liked the dream-scene with Fry, and I have no idea why I haven't replied to that part before. Can someone please kick me?
JBERGES

Urban Legend
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« Reply #307 on: 12-05-2004 19:32 »
« Last Edit on: 12-05-2004 19:32 »

Word counts, eh? *checks* 3.8 stories, 26,638 words. 

Damn you non-script writers with your "descriptions" and "introspection."

You handled Leela’s escape quite well, though I would recommend a better description of precisely what happens when Smitty gets involved.  Maybe I’m just being dumb, but I can’t exactly picture it, and I haven’t had a problem like that since I started reading this.  Other than that, excellent.
ooy

Professor
*
« Reply #308 on: 12-05-2004 19:59 »

Great chapter! Your the reason I've used so much black toner ink in my printer!  wink
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
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« Reply #309 on: 12-06-2004 14:58 »

Nicely done Layla! Thanks for not leaving us with another cliff hanger! I wonder though, it seem to me that having Leela keep her temper is out of character.... Just a thought.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #310 on: 12-06-2004 21:39 »
« Last Edit on: 12-06-2004 21:39 »

Yay! A quick update! Doesn't this bring back memories?

Anywho, thanks for all the kind responses everyone. I just posted this by accident, so now I'm editing, and I can't remember what you all wrote, except it was nice.

Oh, wait:

Ol'coot: You have a point there, but I think it can be argued that Leela's not very impulsive, and that she's also got enough self control to be practical in dangerous situations. Except when it comes to romance.

Venus: Word count doesn't matter. Just think of how many of these words are the's, and a's and Fry, Leela. See, anyone can write them! Now get writing so you can surpass me. I'm quite willing to make this a competition if it gets me more of your fic.

JBERGES: Oh, yeah? And what about you script people with you're more than one story, and your "closure". Bah, away with you, to write for my entertainment.

Part 30: Interlude

   As Fry padded lazily across the wasteland, he racked his brain trying to determine how he had gotten here. His muddled thoughts were becoming more coherent as he recovered from whatever had sent him on this crazy nightmare ride, but his memory was fractured at best. Images of people and places that he had apparently known at sometime jumbled through his scrambled mind, but he could not make any sense out of them.

He was Fry, that was something he did remember, and he clung to his identity tenaciously. He knew there was Leela, and Bender, Mom and Dad, the Professor, Yancy, Hermes, flowers, sun, sky and space captains. But, how did all these things fit together?

Was he from the long ago time that seemed so real to him, or the homey future, which was strange, yet where he belonged? And how had he gotten wherever he was now? And where was that? And where was Leela, or Bender, or Mom, or Dad or Zoidberg? Had Fry done something wrong? Something maybe really wrong? Fry worried about the people in his memories. He wanted desperately to find someone, anyone. It was awful to be so completely alone in the world. Hot liquid trickled down his cheek, leaving wet cold streaks.

   “Great. No only am I lost, alone and miserable, but I’m also completely pathetic too.”

   He wanted to kick something, a rock maybe, or a stick. He wanted to make some sort of change to the barren wasteland so that he could look at it and know that he existed. He felt terribly unreal in this place, and it scared him.  Unfortunately, there was nothing to kick, throw, or change other than the dirt beneath his feet.

He flopped unhappily to the hard ground and stretched out, comfortless. Disoriented, he lay there with his eyes closed against the dimly lighted sky, but only for a few moments. Something slimy brushed his hands, and startled, he turned over to find himself face to face with mangy fur, awful breath and an eager doggy tongue. With a delighted laugh, Fry pulled Seymour onto his chest and peered up at his small bright eyes.

   “Aw, there’s my pal! How are ya, buddy?” The dog yipped at him and Fry got the message. He gently tossed the little dog out of the way, as he stood up. Somehow, the scenery wasn’t so dismal anymore.

Feeling revived in both mind and spirit, he grinned down fondly as Seymour raced around him in excited circles. He laughed again, and tension oozed out of him. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” The energetic fluff ball barked out musically, and Fry chased after him, belting out the lyrics to the song that had been trapped in his head since fifth grade. He ran as fast as he could until he collapsed, gasping, to the ground with Seymour sniffing at him and bounding joyfully this way and that. 

“Hey, I missed you too, tough guy!” Fry ruffled the greasy brown fur lovingly as he tried to figure out when he had last seen his treasured pet. It felt like a very long time. And just like that, Fry remembered. An anguished scream tore through him, as the lively bundle became stone in an instant. Flash fossilized. Seymour’s round eyes had disappeared into cold rock.

   “Oh, Seymour,” the delivery boy choked softly in grief as he stared at the dog’s remains. He did not understand why his pet was a rock, only knew that this image was burned into his mind and he could not banish it. “Wake up,” he whispered in childish hope that he could somehow coax life into returning to the little dog. But there was no such blessing; Seymour was gone.

Sorrow, fear and helpless confusion overwhelmed him for a moment, and he curled up on his knees and pressed his face into the dirt, allowing the uncaring earth to absorb the few tears he was able to shed. Fry rarely cried for anything; he’d had it drilled into him from infancy that crying wasn’t standard operating procedure.

Spent, he sighed into the dust and felt the tiny particles of sand bounce off his skin. The young man wanted only to lie forever in the desolate place, sleeping peacefully. He did lie there, as time passed over him, until a sad voice called from everywhere at once. “Wake up, Fry.”

   He tried to glare angrily at the voice, but found it phenomenally difficult to make eye contact. “You’re gonna be alright Fry ‘cause I’m gonna look out for you.” In any case, the voice wasn’t listening to him at all. He chuckled with uncharacteristic bitterness. It was Leela; it had to be.
   
He pulled himself together and stood. “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re just a voice!” Fry scooped up a handful of soil and hurled it defiantly at the sky. Less defiantly, he yelped as the dirt rained back down on him, getting into his eyes. “Oww… stupid Leela voice,” he moaned plaintively.

   “I’m sorry, Fry. I’m so sorry.” Ineffable regret coloured the Leela Voice and Fry struggled to hold on to his irritation.

   “Yeah, well you should be, dumping sand in people’s eyes.” When the Voice did not respond, he relented reluctantly. “It’s okay though.”

After a few minutes without any more comments from the Voice, he spitefully chucked another clump of fine sand towards the sky, cursing as it also went straight for his eyes. Staggering blindly, the delivery boy tripped over Seymour and landed face down in the dirt. Deciding that further movement could only be detrimental to his health, he carefully gathered his legs under him and sat, spitting out grit.

His eyes rested on the fossilized dog tipped over on the ground. “Sorry, buddy.” Breathing deeply, as if to expel the clinging heartache, Fry unsteadily pulled himself to his feet. It was an unwise move, as he stepped on a round rubber ball and crashed into the unforgiving earth, knocking the wind out of himself.

Once he managed to get his breath back, he grabbed the ball and shook it in his fist. “Watch where you’re going, stupid ball.” He shook his head exasperated. “It’s getting so a guy can’t wander hopelessly lost through a bizarre, not-quite-real place without something weird happening.”

He tossed the ball idly in his hands for a minute, eyeing the dog statue. It was worth a shot. He showed the ball to the unseeing Seymour, trying to tempt him. “Ooh, look, Seymour! See the ball? Look at the shiny red ball! Don’t you want to catch it?” The little creature had always been playful, and utterly devoted to Fry. “C’mon, boy! Are you ready?” He danced a little, waving it around. “Okay, it’s going… now!” He threw it as hard as he could, nearly believing his departed pet would spring to life and chase it. Stranger things had happened.

And now something strange, or at least equally as strange happened. Bender popped up and grabbed the ball, tossing it protectively in his chest compartment. Fry stared at his robot roomie, perplexed, as Bender danced around, gloating about his victorious capture of the ball.

   “In your face anyone who doesn’t have a rubber ball, and that means you, Fry’s dead dog!” He laughed unkindly, shaking energetically so that the ball could be heard ricocheting around inside him. Disappointed by his failure to resurrect Seymour, but glad to see Bender, Fry greeted his friend uncertainly.

   “Uh, hey Bender, what up?” The robot stopped rejoicing to stare strangely at the redhead.

   “Mystical things, which you cannot begin to understand with your primitive brain.” Bender replied in a vaguely spooky voice. Fry raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Oooohh, mystical.” The robot intoned, waving his arms about. The delivery boy didn’t even twitch.

   “C’mon, Bender. Abnormal’s becoming normal for me now, after being stranded in this place, and that makes normal some kind of ultra normal that could only be utterly weird.” Fry chewed his lip thoughtfully, puzzled by his own words.

   “Ooooh… ah, screw it.” The robot abandoned his interpretive dance, yanked out another beer and started guzzling it, an immensely comforting display of normalcy to the bewildered wanderer. Finishing it off with an awe-inspiring belch that nearly singed the hair off Fry’s head, Bender beckoned carelessly to his beer buddy. “Okay, meatbag, ditch the rock and let’s go.” Fry couldn’t help but pout a bit at the robot’s unfeeling attitude towards his beloved dog.

   “Go where? There’s no where to go anyway. Besides, I don’t want to just abandon Seymour. Maybe he’ll wake up-” Bender glared at him.

   “Face it, Fry, he’s not going to wake up.”

   “He might-” the delivery boy insisted stubbornly.

   “He is not going to wake up!!” The robot bellowed at him, cranking his volume. After a beat, he continued normally, “And we’re going to those mountains over there.” He pointed over Fry’s shoulder.

Exasperated, Fry turned to see what Bender had in mind.
   
“Bender, there aren’t any- oh.” There they were, dusty red mountains, majestic and maddening at the same time. Finally, the man shrugged, accepting it as easily as he had Bender’s appearance. 

   “Fine. We’ll go to the mountains. But first I’m going to give Seymour a proper burial.”

   The robot rolled his emoto-matic eyes. “Fine then. Bury the remains of the precious animal you treasured when your life sucked big time. Wake me when you’re done being all soppy.” Flopping down on the soil, the robot went off-line.

   Fry gently petted the fossil. “At least I can give you a nice place to sleep, buddy, just in case it’s forever.” Crooning mournfully in his throat, the redhead set to work. He didn’t have any sort of equipment, so he scraped up the packed earth with his bare hands. After a few centimeters, earth became clay: slimy, heavy and hard to dig. It jammed under his fingernails, stinging him, but he continued to deepen the pit. When he was sure it would hold poor Seymour, he picked up the dog with mud-slicked hands.

   “You were a great pal, Seymour. No dog was better.” Tears welled up in his gentle eyes from their hidden springs, and he had to swallow hard in order to continue.
“I’ll miss you, buddy, and I won’t ever forget you.” Running a loving finger under the dog’s chin as a final farewell, Fry prepared to lay his beloved pet to rest. But something didn’t look right.

   “What else can I do-? Oh, of course.” He whispered sadly to himself. Stripping off his red jacket, Fry snuggly wrapped Seymour in his favorite earthly possession. “Now you’ll always be warm and safe, Seymour.” The little dog’s only master slid him carefully into the tomb, choking with grief.

    Bender shifted noisily in his sleep state and began muttering to himself. “Kill all humans, and their lousy mutts, too.”

   Forgetting his sorrow for a moment, Fry kicked Bender in the side. “Geez, roll over, will you?” The robot kicked him back, hard enough to give the human a nasty bruise on his shin.

   “Oww! Bender!” Fry yelled, clutching his leg in agony.

   “Ah, pipe down. You’re lucky that was a love tap.” Bender turned up his snoring simulator.

   “With friends like you…” Still rubbing his leg, Fry put aside his grievance and returned to the little makeshift grave. Pushing wet clay over his dog, the young human gave Seymour back to the earth, while storing his memory forever in his heart.

   Pulling himself up, Fry woke Bender. “Alright, come on then, let’s mosey. We’ve got mountains to find.” Grumbling to himself, the robot got to his foot cups and followed.
 
-----------------------------------------
I know, I know. Way to play to emotion. Sue me.  smile I have nothing. (Calculon) But this tremendous, writing, TALENT!!! (/calculon)

Do you think so really?
Young_and_Angry

Professor
*
« Reply #311 on: 12-06-2004 22:30 »

Awesome!Emotion rocks.*insert weird head bang-y thing* UNHOLY writing talent you have there!
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #312 on: 12-06-2004 22:55 »

I loved it... I can't even explain this strange love. But I can say that Bender made me laugh a lot... the whole I have the ball thing and the dead dog doesn't, and the love tap bit. Teeheehee. But yes. I was very delighted. Another Fry scene!! YAY!!
Crash_7

Professor
*
« Reply #313 on: 12-07-2004 18:01 »

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago about an old dog we owned.  I was sad for a couple of days about that.  ARRRRGGGHHHH!  And now you reminded me of it.  Anyway, great chapter.
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #314 on: 12-07-2004 19:48 »

WOW. Its been so long since I've been in here.

Layla your stuff is awsome to the max, I mean, now were geting into some cool shit. And I see more people have joined your fanclub.

Anyway, your work is great as usual, and I can't wait for more.
raziel
Poppler
*
« Reply #315 on: 12-07-2004 21:26 »

greeting's layla50 very very nice fic i nejoyed reading it and i can't wait for more and as dogdoo8 said that is some cool shit so can't for more chapter's oh and i don't if you have visited the website know tlz futurama-madhouse but any if you have you may or may not have read my story called fry's destiny and was wondering what you thought of my first atempt so love it or hate it i would love to hear from you soon. from your fellow futurama fan raziel
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #316 on: 12-08-2004 21:59 »

Hi everyone, not an update, sorry! (Actually, I'm not that sorry, I did give you two recently, and I think they'll be another tommorow or friday.) I'm just caching up on responding to your comments.

From the last update:
Philp_J_Fry: Thanks for the support, and for reading. I'm glad we've finally got out of the hospital!

Pataloca: Aw! Cappy's cause you're excited? That's sweet! And congratulations on the job change, too! It is nice to finally be working on Fry's problem instead of getting out of the hospital.

say what now: Wow with a pow? that just cracked me up! Thank you for spending all that adrenaline on me! I'm glad you liked the escape, I thought it was alright, but I didn't know how exciting it would be.

Lrrrr: Thanks so much! And thank you for being the first person to email a guess on the metaphor! (It was a really good guess)
I am overwhelmed by your enthusiasm.

morbo_it: As far as I know, beating up is two words.  wink I'm glad you like the fighting. (That was definately the most violent thing I've written, but not for long...)

Venus: I agree with you on the Morris rescue idea, and you've given me a small flock (?) of plot bunnies about what would happen if Leela's cover was blown.

Crash_7: You're completely right, and I'm glad that my instincts agreed with your take on the situation. It's nice to be validated like that.

N-o-r: You're hilarious when you're spaced out. Sciency stuff, agency stuff, lasers yep! They'll all be there sooner or later. Sciency stuff very soon I think.

becky:You're welcome! I'm nervous of cliffhangers now cause Venus might hunt me down. eek I don't want to kick you, cause you're nice.  smile I'm thrilled you liked my snipet of a dream scene. They'll be more, and they might be a little bit crammed together because I didn't start them earlier. (Slaps self on wrist.)

JBERGES: Thanks ever so much, kind beta! Once again you've shown your uncanny ability to pick out things that I've puzzled over. I'll definately be relying on your advice and help when I start what will a huge task of rewriting.

ooy: You printed this?!!!  eek Wow! Thanks, I'm honoured!

And for the Seymour update:
Young and Angry: Thanks for mentioning the emotion. It hasn't been too emotional lately as the focus shifted to action and humour, but it's nice to know there's an audience for emotion as well. Oh, and I'm kicking myself for my UNHOLY lack of ability to misquote correctly. I can't even kid around right.

say what now: I'm really thrilled you liked the humour in the last part, as I struggle with getting it in there without it being too forced or unnatural. I'm not entirely sure I succeeded, but I'm glad you like it! Have a love face.  love (Oh, and I await your story notes with great eagarness)

Crash_7: Ah, I'm sorry. I knew that chapter was a sad one. I'm glad you like it anyway, and I'm sorry about your dog.

DogDoo8: Hi stranger! I laughed so hard when I read "awesome to the max". I'm so happy you like where the plot is going and I'm glad you came back!

raziel: Thanks for reading my story, I appreciate it. I have noticed your fic at the Leela Zone, but I haven't sat down and given it a really thorough read. I will soon though, and I'll email you with what I think about it. (Just a little suggestion though, even though it may not seem like it, it's really important to use good grammar, like capitals and periods, because it's hard to understand if you don't.) Keep writing though, because we can always use more writers, and practice makes perfect.

becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #317 on: 12-09-2004 11:28 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
I'm thrilled you liked my snipet of a dream scene. They'll be more, and they might be a little bit crammed together because I didn't start them earlier. (Slaps self on wrist.)

You've probably considered this, but maybe you could spread the dream sequences by pushing them a little more back in the story if you submit your it to TLZ or another fan-fic site? Just a suggestion, though, because I think it's OK as it is, and I don’t want you to mess up your storyline  smile

Anway, your latest dream-scene was really... Hm... Dreamy! Yeah, that's the word. It was surrealistic, which I like, and well-written. When I first read that you were planning on writing dreams, I kept wondering how you'd pull it off. Well, you did, better than I’d imagined. Great work, Layla, I really enjoyed that last one!  big grin
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #318 on: 12-09-2004 17:53 »
« Last Edit on: 12-09-2004 17:53 »

Aww, you are too sweet. I'm glad you liked the wowpow thing, it was kinda spontaneous   big grin.

As for the idea things, expect to hear from me soon... if not now then at the most around the 17th, as Christmas break starts then, and it will be a lot easier to start thinking of ideas that are not birthed out of a hurried break from homework and projects and such. The last two weeks before break are mega stressful!

Anyway... I'll just sit here and wait!!   big grin.

EDIT: Need I edit? Yes, indeed. It is my YAY I HAVE BEEN PAH-RAH-MOTED DANCE!! Hooray for delivery boys!!
ooy

Professor
*
« Reply #319 on: 12-09-2004 18:09 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
ooy: You printed this?!!!   eek Wow! Thanks, I'm honoured!
Every last word, Only wqay to read it. I'm A fast reader, mate.
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