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Author Topic: It's a fan fiction!  (Read 1851 times)
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« on: 08-10-2012 16:18 »
« Last Edit on: 08-10-2012 17:12 »

I've finished editing the first of my three-part fan fiction. It is long, but I wasn't sure whether I should break it into multiple posts in case that violated a rule somewhere. I haven't seen any of the new season since you've pretty much got to build a SETI-sized satellite out here to get reception and cable is a laughable 20 years away, so bear with me if characters have been written off the show this summer. If any content is questionable please let me know and I'll edit it further. I suppose I owe some credit to my seventh-grade English teacher for making us read Flowers for Algernon as the overall story borrows from it. I haven't finished rewriting parts of the second installment (Flowers for Frygernon, in case you're curious) but hope to have it up next week.

Part One: The Eternal Sunshine of the Thoughtless Mind
Who's Who:
F= Fry
P= Professor Farnsworth
B= Bender
A= Amy
H= Hermes
L= Leela
Z= Zoidberg
S= Scruffy
Minor characters introduced as needed.

Full cast is seated around the Planet Express Table watching a hologram while Hermes points at it.
H: And dat concludes my presentation on de mandatory all-staff Saturday work day.
A: Spleesh. I don't see why we should all have to suffer and clean up after Bender's locker room cigar collection caught fire.
L: Yeah, scrubbing all those smoke marks from the walls sounds like it should be a janitor's job.
S: Special collection maintenance were not part of Scruffy's contract. Mmm, nope.
B: I think the real suffering here is done by me, Bender. It took me forever to steal all those cigars and now they're gone!
F: At least we all get the afternoon off since we're coming in tomorrow, right Professor?
P: A capital idea. Everyone, you have the afternoon off.
All: Hooray!
P: Incidentally, I'll need you to stay late, Fry.
F: What? Aww, man.
A to L: Hey Leela, the Hip Joint is having a Ladies Night Special. Wanna go?
L: You know, I think that sounds pretty good. I got a new *blue* tank top I've been just dying to wear. I just haven't had an occasion for it.
F: What about the romantic picnic I invited you to for Sunday?
L: Not special enough.
F: Damn.
A: Hermes, do you think LaBarbara might like to come, too?
H: De wife did mention wanting to get outta de house more. What time should I tell her to meet you dere?
A: How 'bout nine?
L: That seems a little late to start.
A: Nothing good gets started 'til at least then.
H: Okay, I'll tell dat wife of mine nine.
B: Well pal, sorry you've got to stay here. I've got a floozy or two who might want to meet me for an early dinner. Don't wait up.
F: -Sigh.-
L: Fry, could you do me a favor?
F: Anything. What do you need?
L: Do you think you could take care of Nibbler tonight? I don't know how late I'll be out and I don't want him cooped up all evening.
F: Yeah, I guess so.
L: Here. <hands Fry Nibbler's leash and a ham.> I'm all out of Kibbles 'n Snouts, so this'll have to do.
F: All right. I'll bring him back tomorrow and you can pick him up.
L: Thanks a lot. <gives Fry a peck on the cheek. Fry brightens.> You're such a good friend.
F: Ugh, friend.

Everyone leaves, laughing merrily except for Professor Farnsworth, Fry, and Dr. Zoidberg.

F: Dr. Zoidberg, aren't you going out?
Z: Out? But I live here.
F: Well, when I get done, you wanna grab a beer?
Z: Beer? With friends? Zoidberg?! It would be an honor!
P: Come along, Fry. You can discuss your social agenda later. I need you in my laboratory.

In the lab.

P: I've been working on a new device for my upcoming Association competition.
F: Association?
P: Oh my, yes. The Association of Borderline Unethical Science Experiments.
F: Wait a second. Doesn't that spell...Ab-use? This isn't some dumb piece of exercise equipment, is it?
P: No, it's a special memory enhancement device.
F: Memory enhancement?
P: Ahh... At my age, you see, all my best years are admittedly behind me. Unfortunately I find myself forgetting things these days. I have so many happy memories just fading away- my first public nudity citation, the recipe for my doomsday cupcake batter, the location of my atomic powered dentures...
F: Well, can I see it?
P: See what?
F: The memory thingy.
P: The memory wha-?
F: Your new invention.
P: Oh, yes! Here it is.

He pulls away a curtain from a corner of the lab. There on a pedestal sits an object that looks like a metal headband with an antenna and a monocle attached.

F: Huh. Doesn't look like much.
P: It doesn't have to! What matters is that it works, and that's precisely why I want you to test it.
F: What do I do?
P: Just put it on and then concentrate on a memory. Any memory will do. Once you have something you want to remember in better detail, turn the dial under the antenna and you'll be able to see a crystal-clear image on the viewing lens.
F:  Okay, here goes. <takes a deep breath and puts it on>
P: Now start with something easy and relatively recent, like Hermes' presentation.
F: But Professor, I spent that whole meeting picking lint out of my belly button.
P: Just do it damn it! Science doesn't care about your lint.
F: All right, I'm starting to see something on the lens. It's my hand and, oh, well uhh..
P: What do you see?
F: I was, err, staring at Leela.
P: Now, turn the dial forward.
F: Whoa! Hermes' voice just got louder!
P: Can you hear what he's saying?
F: Not only that, but I can even hear Bender humming. I didn't notice that earlier. Sounds like "Oh Susanna."
P: That's the beauty of it. My machine essentially allows the user to re-experience any given memory. Anything you missed the first go 'round can be reexamined later.
F: What do you call it?
P: I thought of a good name during Hermes' incredibly long lecture, but it escapes me. Now that I know my newest device is an overwhelming success, I'll use it to remember what I want to name it.
F: Well that was easy. Can I go home now?
P: I suppose so. I do need to make one minor adjustment for fit while it's on something other than a Rhesus monkey. Do you mind?
F: Nah. Go ahead.

Professor Farnsworth rattles the contents of a drawer and pulls out something like a nuclear powered socket wrench.

P: Now just hold still. Oh, blast!

He fumbles the tool and an explosion knocks F off of the lab stool. Both of them are blown onto the ground, the circuitry on the memory device crackling with electricity. Fry's hair gets singed and Professor Farnsworth has a few small blazes on his lab coat. After a moment they both sit up.

F: What happened?
P: I'm not sure. I think my power wrench shorted out.
F: How's the memory thingy?
P: In about a dozen pieces, that's what.
F; Bummer, it was pretty neat. You probably would have won.
P: I'll have it fixed up in time for the deadline. The trick is going to be finding enough Unobtanium to repair the antenna. That stuff doesn't come cheap, you know!
Fry helps Professor Farnsworth pick up the busted memory device and then heads out to the lounge.
Part 2
Lounge at Planet Express. Dr. Zoidberg is on the couch twiddling his claws.

F: Yo Dr Z. You ready to go?
Z: I've put on my best sandals.
F: Those are the same ones you always wear.
Z: But they're also my best ones.
F: Point taken. Let me just grab Nibbler and we'll be off.

They walk down to O'Zorgnax's Pub. Fry hitches Nibbler's leash to a lamppost outside and gives him the ham. Nibbler immediately devours it, coughs up the bone onto the sidewalk, then burps.

F, to the bartender: Let's see. Two beers, whatever you've got on tap.
Bartender: Two beers, comin' up.
The bartender slides the beers down the bar and they each catch one. Zoidberg, however, can't get a grip on the handle to his mug.
F: How about a straw for my friend?
Z: Thank you, Fry. Your kindness is so touching.
F: No problem. I figured since everyone else was going out tonight I might as well hang out with you. Beats sitting in the apartment alone.
Z: And this is far better than sitting in the dumpster!
F: Amen to that. <Takes a swig of beer.>
Z: So, Fry, how about we make some casual conversation, maybe?
F: Yeah, okay.

They each nurse their beers for a long period of silence.

Z: Are you going to say something?
F: I was waiting for you.
Z: I don't really have anything to talk about. I was hoping you would provide the casual conversation.
F: well, I could use some advice.
Z: Advice? Now this is a real discussion! I will listen as well as any agony aunt.
F: What do you think I should do about Leela?
Z: What, has she come down with fin fungus? There's only one thing to do about that, I'm afraid. <One of his tentacles makes the little neck chop motion.>
F: No, no. She doesn't have fin fungus. I wanted your opinion on what to do about our relationship.
Z, taking a slurp of his beer and then clacking his claws: This is good stuff. I'm not much on the relationship advice, having never had one.
F: Yeah, me neither. At least not any that were any good.
Z: Have you tried doing the things human females like, such as giving her the reproductive organs of a fragrant plant?
F: I've thought about it, but I don't know what she likes.
Z: What about writing her a treatise on how lovely her facial features are? You could start out with describing how the diameter of her ocular cavity makes you think of the beauty of space?
F: Ahh, Bender used my thesaurus when he ran out of rolling papers. Now only the sections for words starting with V through Z are left.
Z: Perhaps a box of puppies or kittens would make the cyclops happy?
F: Tried that. Nibbler always eats them so she thinks I’m giving her empty cardboard boxes for no good reason.
Z: Fry, you have presented me with quite the conundrum. Maybe the best thing to do is keep doing what you are doing and hope she likes it better sometime in the future.

They sit and ponder things for a while, chatting as the pub becomes more crowded. Fry orders them another round of beer when his phone rings. It's a little after seven according to the clock on the bar wall.

F: Huh. It's Leela. Do you mind if I take this?
Z: Not at all. I'll even watch your drink for you, I will.
F: Thanks.

He answers his phone as he walks outside the pub. Nibbler comes over and starts running in circles around Fry’s legs, wrapping the leash tight.

F: Hello?
L: Fry, it's me.
F: I know. That's why I answered it. Everything okay?
L: Yeah, I just wanted to apologize for something.
F: Oh. What's that?
L: I shouldn't have shot you down like that in front of everyone.
F: I'm pretty used to it by now.
L: I still shouldn't have done it.
F: Well, I appreciate you calling.
L: So, this picnic Sunday, you still up for that?
F: Sure!
L: What did the professor want you to do today?
F: Ahh, he was testing some new invention of his. It broke, though.
L: That's probably for the best. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a sizable scar from when his Automatic Defoliant Sprayer malfunctioned in the Junglarium. How's your chemical burn healing up?
F: I think most of it's gone from my back but I can't see it to know for sure. I do know it’s finally stopped oozing.
L: He sure knows how to invent crap.
F: That's for sure. I need to get going, though. Zoidberg's watching my beer and I think he might be watching it with more than just his eyes.
L: Whoa- you and Zoidberg are out at a bar together?
F: I figured it was better than doing nothing.
L: I guess so...
F: Okay, well I will see you early tomorrow. Have fun out with Amy and LaBarbara. But not too much!
L: All right, see you tomorrow morning.
F: Later, Leela.
L: Bye.

Fry tries to take a step but topples over onto the sidewalk.

Passerby: Looks like somebody’s had too much to drink!
F: I haven’t yet but I will later!

Fry disentangles himself from the leash and heads back inside. Zoidberg waves wildly at him, grinning and waving a tentacle, too.

Z: You came back!
F: Well, yeah. I said I would, didn’t I?
Z: It wouldn’t be the first time somebody left Zoidberg at the bar alone after saying it would be just a minute.
F: Hey, where’d my beer go?
Z: Oh, here. I was keeping it warm for you.

He presses his arm into his side like a bellows and spews out the beer.

F, gagging: Uhh, gee. Thanks. I, uhh, I think I’ll order a fresh one. You know, to try something new.
Z: Eh, suit yourself. Mind if I have your old one?
F: Go ahead.

Zoidberg slurps up the regurgitated beer.

F: I think I’m gonna be sick.

Part 3
At the Hip Joint
A, L, & LB are in a booth with a number of empty glasses on the table. The club is packed with female characters like the Amazonians, Petunia in her sleezy pink dress, Hattie (sitting disgruntled in a corner), fembots, etc. Barbados Slim is dancing in a go-go cage hanging from the ceiling.
LB: So, den I say to him, dat green snake of yours had bettah not be slitherin' around no one else's sugah cane field but mine! And dat's how we met.
The all laugh.
L: I'm so glad we all got together. We Planet Express ladies need to get out every once in a while.
A: I second that. How about I get us a round of drinks?
LB: I could go for another of dese martinis.
L: Sure, thanks!
The glasses refill.
LB: So Amy, are you and Kiff back together?
A: Yeah. After that fling with Bender I realized that maybe a more sensitive guy is more my style. At least I won't have to worry about bailing him out of lock-up!
LB: Not'ing wrong with dat.
L: You think you two will ever tie the knot? Again, I mean?
A: Eh, maybe. But I don't want to think too much on that tonight!
LB: Yah, we can leave dem menfolk out of de conversation.
A: No, Leela's still on the hook. <winks at her> Anything of interest in your life?
L: Ah, not too much. <Leela looks down and swirls her cocktail>
A: You know what I mean.
LB: I heard a rumor dat you and dat goofball from de 20th century were an item.
L: It's not entirely a rumor.
A: Ah ha! I knew it!
LB: So it's true, den!
A: I could see why you'd keep it to yourself. Fry's not exactly arm candy.
L: You're one to judge! You went out with him.
A: Yeah, but I've raised my standards a little since then.
L: Now listen here, he may be about as dumb as Zapp Brannigan is pompous, but he is... well, he has his own charms.
A: Yeah, yeah. Now get to the good stuff.
LB: Yah, are you sleepin' with dat blast from de past or not?
L: Uh, no.
A: Why are you holding out on him? He's not *that* bad. I mean, you slept with Zapp the first time you met!
L: Ugh. That was the worst decision I've ever made. I wish I could completely forget that pity you-know-what ever happened.

A voice rises from the next booth over...
Pardon me ladies, but did I hear the words "I wish I could completely forget" something?
Ogden Wernstrom stands up with a flourish.
A&L together: Dr. Wernstrom!
Dr W: The very same.
L: What are you doing here?
Dr W: I'm here to offer the services of my newest invention. There's no better testing ground for the Forget-me-Kwik Orb than the greatest source of deep regret: an ABC-on establishment.
A: How does it work?
Dr W: My invention works by selectively deleting a particular unpleasant memory from the user's mind.
L: Huh. Sounds harmless enough.
A: Can it remove more than one at a time?
L: Yeah, I think everyone at this table has something she'd like to forget.
LB: Dat week at de "spa" Dr. Zoidberg recommended.
A: How I ran off on Kiff while he was pregnant.
L: Zapp Brannigan. Everything about him.
Dr W: I don't see why it wouldn't work. Well, ladies, shall we?

He sets up an object that looks like a crystal ball in the middle of the booth's table. He holds a remote control and begins punching in numbers on the keypad. He asks each of them how long ago her memory took place.

Dr W, to Leela: Yours took place the longest ago, so I'll enter it first.
L: How do we know it's safe?
Dr W: This is my entry for the Association's "Mysteries of the Mind" competition. I'm not about to put a poorly-designed apparatus out there with my name on it, now am I? Not with my illustrious scientific reputation to uphold.
A: Sounds pretty reassuring.
LB: All right. Let's do dis!
Dr W: Now, gaze into the glass posi-sphere. Take a deep breath and focus on the worst part of your memory, be it an image, an emotion, a physical state...
L: How about all of the above?
Dr W: Shh. On the count of three I'll activate the delta wave scanner. One...two...three!

The orb burns bright blue and all three women's pupils dilate to enormous proportion. They all sway for a moment before the sphere fades into a soft, pulsing mauve.

Dr W: And now to set the targeted removal dates. <Three beeps issue from the remote.>
Dr W: The memories will be erased when I push the engage dial to "permanently remove."

The Forget-me-Kwik begins to pulse faster until it flashes like a strobe light. It gives one brilliant flash of red and then a readout prints from the base. Dr Wernstrom tears the readout into three sections and hands each woman a piece.

Dr W: You can thank me later by voting for my device in the popular opinion poll portion of the contest. It awards 30% of an invention's possible score, so I'm counting on satisfied customers such as yourselves to help me.

All three nod in unison. Dr W stands up and moves along to another booth where he begins his spiel to a new crowd of women in woe.

A, to L: Have we met before?
L: I don't think so. From the look of things, I've had a few drinks so maybe we have.
A: I'm Amy Wong, from Mars.
L, extending her hand: Nice to meet you. I'm Turanga Leela, of someplace. I'm not sure where my race hails from, but here I am.
A: This is LaBarbara Conrad. Her husband and I work together.
LB: Amy and I met at de company X-mas party last year.
L: You come here often?
A: Nah, just when there's a special event.
L: Is tonight one?
LB: Yah, looks like it's Ladies Night. <Pointing to Barbados Slim> Would you look at dat mon go?
A: This music is really getting to me. Anyone want to hit the floor?
L: You bet!
LB: All right!

Many, many hours later, the three stumble outside. Amy stands and the curb, flapping her arm wildly.

A: Taxi, pleash.
Kiff pulls up in Amy's hovercar: Amy! I've been waiting for you for hours. The bouncer wasn't letting anyone else in so I've just been making laps around this quadrant hoping you'd come out.
A: Well, hello good lookin'. <she gets in the car.>
K: You look like you've had a good time.
A: Not as good a time as you're about to have. What's your name, handsome?
K: Oh, is this role play? Ooh, goodie.
A: I'm Amy. Amy Wong.
K, puffing up a bit and trying to put on a bit of bravado: Nice to meet you, Amy Wong. I'm the Lieutenant on the Nimbus.
A: The Nimbus you say? Isn't that Captain Zapp Brannigan's ship?
K: It is, but I'm ready to mutiny against that stuffed-shirt gasbag.
A: Whoa, there. The only thing I want you overthrowing is my dress.
K: That doesn't quite make sense, but I'll go with it.
A: To the ship, Lieutenant!
Amy throws herself at Kiff and he drives away, saying "Oh, oh my. Oh my goodness me!"
As they drive off, Leela and LaBarbara can be seen getting into taxis and departing.
Part 4
Fry is leaned up against Leela's door. Nibbler is curled up on his lap and both are fast asleep. Fry looks quite grubby in dirty clothes with his face unshaven and his hair dishevelled. Beside them is a brown paper bag.

Suddenly, the door opens and Fly slumps over. He wakes up when he hits the ground and Leela nearly steps on him.

L: What the heck?
F: Leela! Oh, thank god you're all right. <scrambles to feet and hugs her> I came over as soon as I got off work.
L: Whoa, mister- what do you think you're doing? <pushes him away>
F: I've been so worried about you. I thought it was weird that I got to the office before you, but when you didn't show up at all I thought something terrible had happened.
L: What happened at the lab? Did someone thaw out that guy who looks like he's got the plague?
F: Uh no, Bender's cigar collection went up in flames. Don't you remember? We all were
supposed to come in this morning and scrub down the ceiling and walls.
L: Bender? Who's that? Are both of you new at the cryogenics lab?
F: What are you talking about? It's me, Fry. <a couple walk down the apt. hallway>
L: Fry who?
F, rolling his eyes and sighing: Very funny. I know you think I'm no great catch, but you don't have to pretend you don't even know me.
L: Look, I don't know who you think you're talking to, but you're obviously at the wrong door, delusional, or both. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to run.

Nibbler scampers over and starts pawing at Leela's leg.

L: Well hey there, cutie.
F, huffing and crossing his arms: Insult to injury! You act like I'm some nut-job stranger but you're all over Nibbler.
L: As far as I can tell, you are some nut-job stranger.
F: I may be nuts, but I'm no stranger. If you're trying to break up with me, just come out and do it. You don't have to fake some kind of amnesia and make me feel like a complete idiot.
L: Wait, what? Are you saying we're together?
F: All right, I get it. You've been jerking my chain for the better part of a decade now. I guess it's really time to give up.
L: This is getting creepy. Are you stalking me?
F: No. I'm leaving. Here, take Nibbler. He was really well-behaved last night while you all were out at the bar. I picked up a can of Kibbles 'n Snouts on the way here since you said you were fresh out.
L: Uhh, thanks, I guess.
F: Before I go, will you be honest with me about something?
L: If it gets you out of here, then yes.
F: Did you meet someone while you and Amy and LaBarbara were out?
L: Hey!
F: I knew it. That's what this is all about. Last night you were all "Oh, yeah, that picnic sounds so nice, Fry." I bet you met another space captain and he wants to take you someplace fancy tomorrow.
L: No, but how did you know I was out with them? Were you there last night?
F: You're really taking this too far. I know you were out with them because I was right there in the conference room when Amy asked you to meet up the Hip Joint at nine.
L: That's where you're wrong. I'd never met either of them until last night. This conversation's over. Come back here and I'll call the police.
F: Whatever. You don't have to lie to me. See you at work Monday. <turns and walks away

As he approaches the stairwell, L runs after him.

L: Wait, Fry.
F: What, you're not done making me miserable?
L: There was something you said. Something about more than a decade.
F: Yeah, I said something about that.
L: Maybe you can help me. When I woke up this morning, the date on my wrist thingie said 3012.
F: So?
L: But it's the year 2999.
F: No, it's March 1st, 3012.
L: That makes no sense. Yesterday was February 28th, 2999.
F: No, look <points to own watch which reads: 17:39:04 03-01-12>.
L: gasps.
F: Leela, please. <takes her hands into his> Did something happen to you? Amy never came in today, but she's rich enough she can skip Saturday work if she feels like it.
L: If you're right, your watch, I mean... then I don't remember anything from the last thirteen years.
F, taking a deep breath: So this isn't just you dumping me?
L: Are we really together?
F: It's sort of on-again, off-again. <He scratches his head sheepishly> Mostly it's on when there's no one around and off when you get mad at me.
L: Oh.
F: We were married for a little while.
F: Don't worry. We aren't now. You divorced me because you were convinced I tricked you into it.
L, eyeing him: Wow, that sounds pretty...unbelievable, that I was married to you. I mean, unless you really did trick me.
F: I didn't.
L: Well what happened?
F: Look, why does it matter to you now? If you can't remember anything that's gone on between us, not the good stuff or even the crummy things, I don't see the point in rehashing the worst day of my life with someone who thinks I'm a complete stranger.
L, looking him right in the eyes: If I really have lost the last 13 years of my life, I could use some help figuring things out. You apparently know me well enough so if you don't have anywhere you're supposed to be, would you forgive me for earlier and come in for a bit? Maybe you can fill me in.
F: Of course I forgive you. Do you mind if I go home first, though? I don't want to get your furniture and floor all dirty. I don't think cigar smoke comes out too easily from all-white decor.
L: How do you know what the inside of my apartment looks like?
F: I've been in it.
L: Umm, have you been in it often?
F: Just once. You've got one chair, a TV, and your bedspread is...
L: You've been in my bedroom?!
F: Again, just once. <He blushes> It, uh, it didn't end well.
L: Did we...?
F, looking really embarassed: No. I blew that chance big time.
L: I thought I should ask, just to give me a sense of things.
F: Can we talk about this later?
L: Sure, sure. See you back here in about an hour?
F: Probably less. Do you want me to pick up dinner?
L: Well, I was headed out to get something to eat when you fell through my doorway. Wait, is this a date?
F, giving her a sidelong smile: It could be, if you want it to be.
L, warily: All right, it's a date, then. But don't try anything fresh.
F: Don't worry about that. I know you could kick my ass.
F leaves and L returns to her apartment.

In Leela's apartment.

L: This is so crazy. Some dirty guy shows up on my doorstep claiming 13 years have gone by
and he's my ex-husband/current quasi-boyfriend.

She starts rummaging through her cabinets but finds she only has one set of flatware and cutlery.

L: Guess I entertain about as much these days as I did then. Maybe I ought to run out to the store.
Nibbler meanders into the kitchen.
N: Leela, I must speak to you.
L: Nibbler? You can talk?
N: Yes, and verily I shall. What the one called Fry has told you is true.
L: How do I know you're not in cahoots with him? You did show up together.
N: You must trust me. My purpose on this planet is to help Fry protect all known existence. The fate of the universe has been in his hands more than once and he has not failed us yet.
L, crouching down next to N: The fate of the universe?
N: Aye, the very fabric of time and space itself. He is not always bright or brave, but he may be counted upon when the need is great.
L: I find it a little unlikely that someone so, well, unspectacular would save the universe.
N: Sometimes it is the most ordinary among men who is capable of the most extraordinary things.
L: Hmm. Still a bit shocking.
N: It will probably be less of a shock that he is very much in love with you.
L: I could tell.
L: Am I in love with him?
N: As far as I know, you are not.
L: Do you think he knows?
N: Probably. He maintains an astronomical stockpile of hope, nonetheless. As do I.
L: You do?
N: My race has foretold many things and I aspire to facilitate our greatest prediction of all.
L: I don't suppose you could tell me about how I fit into it?
N: Nay, I may not speak of it to any but Fry, and only when the time is right.
L: Damn.
N: Yes, damn and double damn as it might encourage you to treat him better.
L: I take it I'm a little hard on him?
N: An understatement.
L: Maybe it's best I don't remember everything I've done. It doesn't sound like I'm that great a person to be around sometimes.

L wraps her arms around her knees and rests her chin atop her thigh. Nibbler reaches up
and pats her on the arm.

N: Take this as an opportunity to right that which has been so often wronged.
Leela sighs audibly and she stares off into the distance for a moment.
L: I suppose I had better get a move on before he gets back. How 'bout some Snouts for you and a shower for me, then I'll go out to the store so I don't look like the galaxy's worst hostess?
N: An idea that is both delicious and reasonable.

Leela gets cleaned up but finds herself hemming and hawing over what to wear. She starts
to pull out another clean tank top and pair of black leggings when something else comes to mind.

L, mind: Well, I did say it's a date.

She pulls out a denim skirt and a cream-colored sweater with 3/4 length sleeves. She fishes
around in the back of her closet and pulls out a pair of tan leather boots. As she pulls them
on, the embossed emblem on the back catches her eye.

L, mind: 'Frye.' How fitting.
She looks in the mirror and turns a bit in either direction.
L, aloud: Okay, attractive enough to be appealing, but conservative enough not to be confusing.
Now to get another set of tableware. And maybe a bottle of wine. Better make it two bottles.

By the time she returns, nearly an hour has passed. She looks around her living room and then punches a few buttons on her wrist thing.

L: Hello, Direct2U Furnishings?
Sales Agent: Yes, how may I help you?
L: I have a living room set I'd like to expand. Series 'Mod White, Uni."
Sales Agent: Okay, I have the catalog open.
L: I'd like to upgrade to the 'Doblo' package.
Sales Agent: Would you like an ottoman with that?
L: No thanks, just the couch and the table.
Sales Agent: Will that be Love Seat or Full couch?
L: Better make it Full. I might need to keep my distance.
Sales Agent: Particle destination address?
L: Apartment 1I, 2031 N 48th Street.
Sales Agent: Your purchase should be there within 4 seconds.

The chair turns green, crackles, and stretches out into a couch. A table materializes
and expands to match the couch length.

L: It's all here.
Sales Agent: Your card will be charged within 45 seconds. Thank you for shopping
with Direct2U Furnishings.

Just then there's a knock on the door. Leela answers it and Fry is standing there looking
nervous. He's wearing his brown dinner jacket over a turtleneck but he's still got on his black tennis shoes.Though his hair is back to normal, his face is still stubbly.

F: Hi, Leela. May I come in?
L: Of course.
F: Wow, you look amazing. I mean, your room does.
L: Thanks. I should have installed a window while I was at it, but I was in a bit of a hurry.
F: No need to apologize.
L: Have a seat. I've already set the table.
F, looking a little frantic: I totally forgot to get anything to drink.
L: Don't worry. I picked up some red wine, a Malbec and a Merlot. Oh, I guess I should have asked- do you drink?
F: Yeah. I'm usually more of a beer kind of guy, but I can class it up for a change.
L: Well, then let me get one of these opened up so it can air out a bit while we dish out the food.
F: Here, let me. I don't want you to get anything on your sweater.
L: Oh, it's non-staining.
F: That's a relief. When I get nervous I get a little shaky.
L: Are you nervous now?
F, voice wavering: Ye-es.
L: How about we do an introduction, then. You can go first since you already know me. Is Fry your real name or a nick name?
F: It's my last name. Legally I'm Philip J. Fry, but everyone just calls me Fry.
L: Funny, my given name comes last, too.
F: Yeah, I know. It was so weird seeing "Turanga" outside your parents' house.
L: You know my parents? They're alive?
F: Yes, they- oh that's right. You still think you're an orphan. Crud. Uh, your parents are mutants.
They live down in the sewers, but they've pretty much been granted a pass to come up to the
surface whenever they want to visit you.
L: This is...such a surprise. I need to sit down.

They move to the couch and Leela sets down the wine bottle between their places at the table.

F: I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have told you better than that.
L: It's okay. I've just wondered my whole life about my past. Why did they abandon me? Why would they let me feel alone for so long?
F: How about I tell you about it while we eat?
L: Please do.

They settle down onto the couch and dig in to the dinner Fry has brought, which is takeout from
Elzar's. Time passes while Fry explains Leela's origins.

L: This is delicious, Fry.
F: I did have the advantage of knowing what you like.
L, laughing: You do have that in your favor. You have a great memory, by the way. Your stories are so detailed.
F: It’s kind of weird. Normally I have trouble remembering to put pants on before I leave for work.
L: Well I'm sure that's...

Fry cringes, waiting to hear some kind of jab but when Leela drops the subject, he shakes his head and goes back to eating.

L: Are you ready for a glass of wine?
F: Hell yeah. I mean, yes, please.
L, returning with two wine glasses: Here.
F: Thanks. Wait! <He reaches out and steadies her hand before she can raise the glass to her
lips.> I'd like to make a toast.
L: All right. Let's hear it. < She looks at him intently, making him a little uncomfortable.>
F, shifting his eyes back and forth: Uhh, now you've put me on the spot.
L: But you volunteered.
F: That was before you... okay, okay. <Deep breath> To Leela, the most wonderful woman
I've ever known, even if it is unbeknownst to her.
They both take a long drink. A very long drink. In fact, they both empty their glasses.
L: Care for a refill? <Fry just nods in reply.>

A few glasses later, the empty bottle is resting on the table. The second bottle is about two glasses in. Nibbler is sniffing around, picking off leftovers while Fry & Leela sit facing one another on the couch. She is on his right, with her left leg tucked up underneath her while her right dangles loosely over the edge of the couch. Fry is situated much the same way, just the mirror reverse. His dinner jacket is flung over the armrest. They are close enough that their knees almost touch.

F: And that's how Bender got banned from television.
L: Heh heh, he sounds like a lot of trouble.
F: He is.
L: And to think you met him in a suicide booth.
F: I know, right? I don't think many people can say they met their best friend in one of those.

They look at one another for a moment, and Leela inches closer to him on the couch. She puts a hand on his knee.

L: I know this is a pretty abrupt change of topics, but have you and I been together for long?
F: As far as you're concerned or I'm concerned?
L: Both, I guess.
F: I've felt pretty strongly about you for a long time. Years really. You've been a bit more reserved.
L: Oh.
F: Yeah, that about sums it up. Sometimes I feel like you are interested and then other times you throw me under the bus.
L: I guess it's a good thing I don't remember that.
F: I wish I could forget about it.
L: So, earlier you said that we were married.
F, his face clouding over as he pulls back from her: We were. But it didn't last long.
L: I'm sorry. You seem like a decent guy.
F: I can be when you give me half a chance.
L: I take it I don't give you many opportunities, do I?
F: From time to time you do, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.
L, looking away uncomfortably: It can't have been easy for you.
F: It wasn't easy. It all happened so fast- we were together and then we weren't.
L: I don't know what I might have said to you or done to you, but I hope you can accept an
apology for it now.
F: It's okay. Well, no actually, it isn't okay. For a moment, no matter how brief it was, I don't think anyone in the history of the human race could have felt happier than I did.
L: Was I happy?
F: I don't know. I don't think you would have agreed to marry me if you weren't, but then again I can't be sure. I do know that I'll never be able to do what I did again.
L: Will you please tell me what you did?
F: I'd really rather not.
L: It would mean a lot to me to know.

Fry closes his eyes, and recounts how he moved the stars into a message for Leela. As he does so, he can see (and we see) everything in his mind's eye all over again, just like how he was able to while wearing the Professor's memory-enhancement contraption. He describes the distant glimmer of each one as he moved them into place, the hum of the beam that was his constant companion, and how the entire nebula disappeared into a point of oblivion. Leela is held with rapt attention throughout. When he finishes, she stares down into her mostly empty glass. Fry leans back onto the couch and covers his eyes with his hand. Leela opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
F: I think I should be going. It's getting late.
L: So soon?
F: There are things I'd rather not dwell on, and that's one of them. I think I might call Bender and see if he's up for a few rounds at the bar. I'd like to put this as far out of my mind as I can.
L: Is everything you just told me true?
F, offended: Why would you even ask? You know, last night you could have picked up any random guy at the club and you would believe whatever he told you- that he was a lion tamer, a 5-star space captain, or even the president of Jupiter. You would believe him and you wouldn't be the wiser even if he was lying. But me, I couldn't lie to you. Eventually you'll get your memory back and you'd be able to compare what I told you with what you remember yourself.
L: Fry, I-
F, cutting her off: No, listen Leela. I've kidded myself long enough. I've risked my life for you over and over again, but it's gotten me nowhere. You didn’t love me then and you don't even believe me now.
L: It's just that it's all news to me. It's hard to accept all at once.
F: Anyway, like I said, I should go. It was a nice enough night, but I've had enough.
L: Please don't go yet. There's still a lot I want to ask you.
F: That sounds about right. You want something from me, but I can't expect anything in return. Not even that you'd trust me.
L: I didn't mean it that way.
F: Whatever. Anyway, maybe it's best you forgot everything. It will make it easier for me to forget, too.
L: I can tell you're upset, but I didn't mean to offend you. I just can't believe some of what you've said. I need a little time for it to soak in.
F, standing up and putting on his jacket: You've had years to make up your mind about me. It's time for me to do myself a favor and cut my losses now. I have nothing to gain by
pretending anything happened that didn't. I have everything to lose but that's still not enough
by your count.
L: Are you sure-
F: Am I sure I won't regret giving up? No. I'll always have some shred of hope that one day you'll realize... I don't know.
L, standing up and grabbing his arm: Will you please stay for just a minute?
F, shaking off her hand: A minute longer would be too much for me right now.

This catches L off guard and the remainder of wine tumbles out onto her skirt.

L: Oh, holy hell.
F, grabbing a napkin: Oh gosh. I'm sorry.
Without thinking he starts dabbing at her skirt with a napkin.
L: No, no, let me get it. The bottle might say it's non-staining but I'm not taking any chances.
F: I'm sorry, L. You looked so nice tonight and I've ruined it.
L: Please, I'll take care of it. Besides, I'm sure what I said ruined things far more than a few drops of wine ever could.
F: I hope it comes clean.
L: I'm sure it will, I just need to take it off and get it right in the wash.

Before Fry can stand back up, Leela has unzipped the back of her skirt and is taking it off. Fry is visibly flustered, alternating between openly staring at her and trying to avert his gaze. He stands up awkwardly.

F: Oh, you, uhh. Wow.
L, looking down: Well, it needed to come off.
F: I didn't mean to spill...
L: It's all right.
F: I shouldn't have touched your-
L: It's no big deal. You were trying to help.
F: Uhh. I should be going...
L: You don't -slight pause- have to go, you know.
F: yeah, but your skirt, I...

Leela folds over her skirt and lays it on the couch before taking a step towards Fry. He is beyond stunned and is stock still with his mouth agape. She slips her hand under the lapel of his jacket, resting her palm on the fabric of his shirt.

L: Philip J. Fry, you have a good heart. I don't need to know everything about you to see that.
F, gulping: I do? Uhh, yeah, I guess I do.
L: One that happens to be beating awfully fast.
F: Yeah, it's going pretty hard. I mean, fast.
L, moving closer: How come you didn't shave before you came?
F, snapping out of it: I didn't see a point. I didn't plan on you getting close enough to me to care.
L: How close did you plan on getting to me?
F: Not this close, I can tell you that.
L, slipping the jacket over his shoulders: This close?
F: I might have hoped, but no.
L, drawing his face near hers: How about this close?
F, dropping his eyes to meet her eye: Not in my wildest dreams.
L, kissing the corner of his mouth: So will you stay?
F: Are you asking me whether I want to or whether I will, because the answer's the same.
Leela covers his mouth with hers and runs her fingers through his hair. Fry is practically dumbfounded, but begins to loosen up.
L: I'm asking you to stay.
F: Are you serious? You're not just saying this because you're drunk, are you?
L: No, I'm serious. I'd like to make up to you for hurting your feelings.
F: This, uh, this definitely makes up for it.
L: Well, then that just leaves one question.
F, his hands fingering the hem of her sweater as he buries his face into her neck: What's that?
L: You think anyone will notice a case of road rash on my chin from kissing that prickly face of yours?
F: It doesn't have to be your chin that gets the brunt of it. I, uh, I can spread it out.
L: Mmm. Now that I hadn't considered.
F: Well, you'd better start considering it.
Fry slides his hands down and draws Leela's legs up around his waist, holding her tightly to him with one arm while sweeping the empty plates to the floor. He lays her down on top of the table so that her legs hang over the edge.
F: Now, let's get these out of the way.
L: Please do.
Fry tugs off her boots and then peels off her socks.
F: I can't believe this is happening.
L: See, now you're the one in doubt.
F: I just never thought...
L: It's really happening.
F, mind: Unless she loses her memory again, this is my one chance to make love for the first time to the woman I've wanted so long. Better do it right.

At Leela's apartment, the following morning.
Leela rolls over and blinks a couple of times. She groans, stretches her arms over her head, and looks around. All she finds beside her is a neatly tucked sheet. She sits up and rubs her eye.
L, mind: Was I imagining things? <She looks down at her nightgown.> I definitely wasn't wearing this when we...
L, aloud: Oh!

She leaps out of bed and runs to her living room. The expanded furniture set is still there, but all of the dishes and food cartons are gone. The kitchen is quite clean, the glistening plates dripping in the drying rack. She moves down the hallway to the bathroom. The mirror is lightly fogged and the ventilation fan is running. A few red hairs cling to the sink. She wipes the steam off of the mirror and leans over to examine her chin. It's chafed, but not rubbed raw like she expected. Just then the apartment door rattles before swinging in to allow Fry to cross the threshold. She steps out into the hallway so he can see her.

F: Hey there.
L: Good morning.
F: I got up early to tidy up from last night. Plus I got us breakfast.
L: That was sweet of you.
F: I didn't want you to wake up to a total mess. We definitely made one out here.
L: If my memory serves me right, I believe we did. So, what's in the bag?
F: A carton of orange juice, some bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, a couple of bananas. Nothing special.
L: Sounds good.
F: You seem a little...distant.
L: I am down the hall from you.

She walks up and takes the bag from him. As she sets it on the counter, she says
It's just that last night was-
F, mind: Please don't say a mistake. Please don't say a mistake.
L: Last night was unlike anything I've ever experienced.
F, mind: Yes! Oh, wait.
F, aloud: In a good way or a bad way?
L reaches out and takes on of his hands. She guides it up to her cheek, brushing his fingers against her skin, then tilts her head into his palm. : In a very good way.
F: Whew.
L: What were you expecting me to say?
F: I dunno. That it was a disappointment or something.
L: Why would you think that?
F: Because it took so long to, to uhh...
L: Oh, please. Guys these days don't even bother to do it themselves; they just use an O-ray.
F: Wow, I didn't know that was an option.
L: Yeah, before last night, the closest I'd ever been to what you did was viewing a collection of ancient Cosmopolitan Magazines at the American History Museum. I guess it’s a 20th century thing. Not that I’m complaining.
F: Well, I guess I have the grocery store magazine rack to thank for that. It's all I have in my bag of tricks so I'm glad you liked it.
L: I did. No one's ever done that with me before. Unless you have and it's just one of the things I forgot.
F: No, that's the first time we've even slept together.
L: Really? In all this time we've never-
F: Made it beyond first base? Nah. Though not for lack of effort on my part.
L: We'll have to do it again sometime.
F: You won't have to tell me twice. We'd better eat something first, though.

They take breakfast to the couch, casting furtive glances at one another as they eat. Eventually Fry puts an arm around Leela's shoulder and she leans into his embrace. He puts down his glass of orange juice and wraps his other arm around her, kissing her tousled hair.

F, at a whisper: I can't believe this has finally happened.
L: What, that I slept with you?
F: No, that I got to wake up next to the woman I've loved for so long.
L: Speaking of waking up, how did I manage to wind up dressed and in my bed?
F: We sort of passed out on the floor out here. I woke up a few hours ago because I had a leg cramp. The carpet's not exactly that comfortable, so I moved you to your room. I didn't want you to wake up confused so I slept out there on the couch.
L: You didn't need to do that.
F: I sort of did. Have you seen your back?
L: No, it does feel a bit tender, though, now that you mention it.
F: Sorry about that. I noticed while I was getting you dressed.

Leela gives him a look and he continues.

F: We, uhh, well, it's rugburn.
L: Ahh. It was worth it.
F: Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
They sit there for a few minutes when Fry pipes up.
F: Speaking of the way you feel, do you feel any different about me?
L: How do you mean?
F: Do you think that you'll want to own up to being in a relationship with me now?
L: Fry, I don't want to rush into anything because I still feel like we've only just met, but I don't want you to feel the way you were talking last night. Before we. You know.
F: So is that a no?
L: No, it's not a no. It's more of a quiet yes.
F: Figures.
L: Let's just keep our heads low 'til I can recover my memory of the last 13 years.
F: Oh. You're keeping it open-ended so that you can back out when your memory returns.
L: Why? Is that something I'd do?
F: I don't know. There are some dumb things I've done and you might be ashamed of me.
L: You could fill me in on your own. Some good, some bad.

Fry fills her in on some of the highlights and low points of his history. Leela is touched by his retelling of how he saved her life when the oxygen ran out on the manual override of Planet Express Ship's autopilot and put out when he confesses to having dated Amy for about a week, among other things.

F: There's plenty more stories I could tell you, but I think there's something important I should say first.
L: What's that?
F: Two things, really. One, I think I know how we can restore your memory.
L: And the other?
F: You already know what the other is.
Leela pulls away from him and looks away.
L: That you love me.
F: You don't have to say it back because I know you don't feel it, not just because you lost your memory because you didn't love me before then, either. I just want you to hear me say it. Leela, I love you. I hope that someday you'll feel the same way.
L, turning back to face him: Thank you, Fry.
F: You're welcome.

They nestle together on the couch until Leela finally stirs.

L: Shouldn't we take Nibbler for a walk?
F: I took him out earlier, but we probably ought to take him out again before long.
L: Let me change clothes and we can go. Do you need to go back to your place and pick something up?
F: Maybe later. I think the walk of shame only applies to women, anyway.

While Leela is in the bedroom changing, Fry retrieves Nibbler's leash from the hook in the kitchen as well as a clean up bag. When Leela comes back out, she's in her typical attire with the exception that she pulls a red cable-knit sweater over top instead of her green jacket.

F: I don't think I've ever seen you wear that.
L: I didn't recognize it, but it looked comfy and warm.
F: You're going to need it. It's a brisk morning out.
L: You think  you'll keep an arm handy in case I get chilly?
F, smiling: You bet I will.

Hand in hand they leave the apartment to take Nibbler to the park.


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #1 on: 08-10-2012 17:00 »

You might want to fix your formatting, as it's distorting the page. What I would do is replace your scene breaks consisting of a long row of asterisks with only a few asterisks, or perhaps the [hr] tag, which creates a line like this:

That would fix the annoying widening of the page. :)

« Reply #2 on: 08-10-2012 17:11 »

Thanks. I drafted it as a plain text file and then transferred it to a Google document, which pretty much displays everything the same way Word does but minus the obnoxious background code drivel Word likes to generate. Let me see if I can correct.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #3 on: 08-10-2012 17:24 »

I'm liking this so far. I'm reading all of Zoidberg's lines out loud in his voice. :shifty:
transgender nerd under canada

DOOP Ubersecretary
« Reply #4 on: 08-10-2012 18:14 »

Well, it's not godawful excrement.

But I find it slightly irritating that the character names are abbreviated. You could fix that by using the search&replace tool in Word (and then put it all back into a Google document if you really hate Word so much).

Other than that, I found it enjoyable so far, if perhaps just a touch too shippy for my personal tastes. It's funny though, references the series and handles the characters pretty well, and it's got Wernstrom in it. Those are all definitely points in its favour. Keep going, and we'll see if it's still good by the time you're done with it. At which point I will almost certainly either applaud or hiss at it.
I'm liking this so far. I'm reading all of Zoidberg's lines out loud in his voice. :shifty:

That happened to me with Zoidberg, Nibbler and LaBarbara. I have no idea why it didn't with the other characters.

« Reply #5 on: 08-23-2012 16:42 »

Thanks, I don't know what shippy means. So long as it isn't slang for shitty, then okay. It's about to get Wernstrom-ier. He's one of my favorite supporting characters.

« Reply #6 on: 08-23-2012 16:45 »

Here's part two of my three-part fan-fiction.

Flowers for Frygernon
Ch 1
Inside Robot Arms Apartments, Fry is seen dragging a plastic trash bag behind him, scooping up empty Slurm cans and pizza crusts. After filling the bag, he ties it off and then strips his bed. He takes a closer look at his drool-stained pillow and then unties the trash bag, shoving the pillow inside saying:
F: Time to start over fresh.

He then goes about the room sniffing laundry and tossing it into an ever-growing pile of dirty clothes. He pulls the corners of the sheet up around the laundry heap and ties the corners into a sizeable laundry knapsack.

F: I hope Bender has a broom somewhere.

Just then, Bender opens the "closet" door and comes in.

B: Yo, Fry- you'll never guess who I passed on the sidewalk on the way here! Whoa! What's going on? You on the juice?
F: Nope, just cleaning up the apartment.
B: That's how I know something's wrong. Have you contracted some kind of crazy human disorder?
F: Nope.
B: Are you sure you don't have a brain slug or a hypnotic infection? I've never seen you do this before.
F: There's nothing wrong with me, Bender. Now, do you have a broom?
B: A broom?
F: Yeah.
B: One of those wooden handled things with bristles on one end?
F, enthusiastically: Yeah!
B: Used for smashing vermin and rides in front of the full moon?
F: Yea on the first, nay on the second.
B: No, I don't.
F: Crud. You think you could lend me a hand, then?
B: Depends. What's in it for me?
F: Can you keep a secret?
B: I repeat- Depends. What's in it for me?
F: I want to get the apartment clean so I can have Leela over for dinner this upcoming weekend.
B: That doesn't interest me in the slightest.
F: Since I don't know how to cook much of anything, I decided to find out if there was a cooking class I could take.
B: A cooking class, you say? You have my attention.
F: Yes. There was an opening at the community center's 3-evening course so I signed us up.
B: Us being one meatbag and his wonderful robotic friend?
F: You got it!
B: That sounds pretty good.
F: I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. Elzar's teaching the class!
B: What?! My hero, Elzar, is teaching a cooking class and you've signed me up? <starts chomping on his fingers and shaking with excitement>
F: We start tomorrow.
B: Fry, you are the best friend a robot could ever have! <he extends his arms and hugs Fry really hard>
F: So, you think a sock on the end of a stick would work since you don't have a broom?
B: A broom? Pshaw. Step out of the way, amateur, and let a pro do this.

Bender spins off one of his hands and then whips out a vacuum nozzle attachment from his chest compartment. He screws it onto the end of his arm and begins vacuuming at breakneck speed.
B: Now watch this.
He pops off the vacuum attachment and installs a mop-head. With his other arm, he pumps his head up and down and spits water from his mouth. He mops his way around the apartment and within seconds its sparkling clean.
B: And now for the finishing touch.

He removes the mop and puts in a squeegee. He walks over to the big picture window, points his finger at it, and sprays out glass cleaner then squeegees the window clean.

F: Dang. That would have taken me all week. I didn't know you could do that.
B: There's lotsa stuff I can do. I just don't let on ‘til the price is right.
F: Just make sure you're free from 7-9 PM Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night this week.
B: Is this some kind of present for being the best roommate ever?
F: Well, I'm going to need your help with preparing a really important meal and I figured you'd love a class with Elzar.
B: This meal- what's so important about it?
F: I'm going to ask Leela to marry me.
B: You and Miss Bossy Boots, eh? I can't see that working out.
F: Bender!

Bender lights a cigar and motions to Fry to sit beside him on the couch.

B: Fry, normally I like seeing the foibles of human emotions, but you're my friend. Do you really think this is gonna go the way you want?
F: Some things have changed that you don't know about.
B: Like what?
F: Somehow she lost her memory and... well, that’s why I didn’t come home last night.
B: Whoa, whoa, whoa- she lost her memory and you took advantage? That's low. That's like my level kind of low. Nice work!
F: I did not take advantage of her!
B: You sure about that? Was she drunk?
F: Alcohol might have been involved, but it wasn't the deciding factor.
B: Did you convince her you were the Space Pope?
F: No, I told her the truth.
B: Man, if she still slept with you after that then I ought to congratulate you. Here, have a cold one. <He pulls two beers from his compartment and Fry takes one>
F: Thanks.
B: So, what's your big plan?
F: I'm glad you asked.

Fry shares his plan with Bender and though the words are unintelligible, Bender is clearly touched.

B: In all my life, Fry, I never thought I'd see anyone want to get married for any reason other than access to fortune, power, or a spot on a reality TV show.
F: I know, pretty crazy, huh?
B: I'll do my best to help you and if it doesn't work out, I promise not to say "I told you so." That’s how good a friend I am.
F: Gee, thanks.
B: So, what are you going to do now that you’ve bagged up all this crap?
F: Well, since my bachelor days will hopefully soon be a thing of my crummy past, I think I’ll get a real bed. You know, one with a footboard and a headboard.
B: Yeah, I hear human women are too picky to sleep on just a dirty mattress on the floor.
F: You wanna help me pick one out?
B: I might as well go with you. I’ve got all your money anyway. <He pulls out a tattered envelope labeled “My Life Savings” in a handwritten scrawl.>
F: Hey! Where’d you find that?
B: Oh, please. Like hiding it inside a deodorant canister would fool me.
F: So that’s where I put it! I never thought to look there.

Ch 2
It's Monday morning and the clock over the Professor's lab table shows a few minutes before eight. The Professor is wearing a welder's mask and is using a blowtorch on his memory device. The door flings open and in comes Fry.

F, panting heavily: Professor! I have to talk to you!
P: Good gracious! Can't you knock first? I might have been working with a hazardous agent in here!
F, wheezing: I ran all the way here. From the front door, at least.
P: Well, what are you doing here so early? Given how tardy you usually are, I thought daylight would reduce you to ashes.
F: If my name was Fracula, then maybe. That's beside the point. Something crazy has happened to Leela. Her memory's gone!
P: Oh, her too?
F: Yes! Wait. What?
P: Hermes called me early Saturday morning and told me LaBarbara seemed out of sorts, something about being as drunk and angry as an anaconda from Rwanda or the like. He had to drive all the way out to Io because she showed up at the wrong house, one they lived in years ago. When they finally got home, she accused a body snatcher of taking her sweet baby Dwight and replacing him with a surly teenager.
F: Wow. So, were you able to figure out what was wrong?
P: According to the Gizmometer, thirteen years' worth of her memory had been blanked.
F: That sounds just like what happened to Leela. Any ideas of how they forgot everything?
P: It's hard to say how it took place, but I can tell you the apparent cause of their cognitive impairment based on my observations. The neurons in LaBarbara's hippocampus had been stripped. A fair amount of the old ones, anyway.
F: I don't understand what you just said.
P: I see the subtleties of neuroscience are lost on you. Zoidberg, get in here!
F: Zoidberg? Really?
Z, leaning in through the doorway: You rang?
P: Yes, yes. I need you to fetch me the hologram generator from the conference room. I need it so we can explain something to Mister Doctoral-degrees-are-for-losers here.
Z: All right, give me a moment.

Zoidberg returns with the generator in claw and begins plugging it up in the lab counter.

P: Cue up a picture of the human brain, will you?
Z: Fry, you could do me a favor and look that way, maybe?
F: Uh, okay <turns in profile>
Z: Now hold still.

He holds up what looks like an old flashbulb. He activates it and soon a hologram x-ray of Fry's head is projected from the hologram generator.
P: Now where's that confounded callout tool...there.

A series of dots with attached arrows and captions flickers onto the hologram, neatly highlighting sections of the brain.

Z: You see this tasty, seahorse-shaped morsel right here? This is a hippocampus.
F: Hippocampus. Got it. So where's the hippopotamus? <He chuckles to himself>
P: As if no one's ever heard that joke before.
Z: Its little neighbors, who never invite it to their barbecue parties I might add, are the amygdala and the mammillary body.
P: The hippocampus is critical in human memory retention. That's why my invention targets it.
F: Hey! Did you remember what you were going to call it?
P: In fact, I did. It came back to me in a dream: the Loewi-Recall Visualizer.
F: Huh. Sounds pretty official.
P: Now, getting back to the matter at hand. Inside the hippocampus is the dentate gyrus, the home of neurons responsible for pattern recognition. Some neurons recognize new patterns while others compare information relating to sets of different patterns.
F: You're losing me again.
P: Zoidberg, we’re going to need more pictures.
Z: Fry my friend. Look at this delicious striped sea bass frolicking in the water. Now, look at this smaller one. The young neurons form the memory of these two different but equally edible fish.
P: Now show them side by side. You see, Fry, how the larger sea bass is swimming in front of the seaweed? When you look at the smaller one, you'll notice it's swimming in front of a discarded washing machine. Old neurons remind you when you see this second fish that you have seen one before, but that the circumstances were different. This is pattern completion, or how the brain can call up long-term memories.
F: Where is all this going?
Z: Here is a picture of Mister Neuron. He has the wild dendrites on his head and the lovely little synaptic terminals at the end of his axon tail. Wrapped around the axon he has a candy coating of myelin, he does.
P: Candy coating my foot. That myelin is what allows the impulses to travel along the axon properly. In Labarbara's, and likely Leela's, case, that myelin was gone from a relatively high number of her older neurons.
F: O-kay... I think I follow. So when LaBarbara sees a small fish, she can't remember that the big fish was swimming with the seaweed?
P: Remarkable! I thought this would go right over your head just like that multiplication lesson I gave you. Perhaps now I can be less ashamed of being related to such a dunderhead. Wait a minute. Zoidberg, pull up that image of Fry's brain again.
Z: Here you go, Hubert.
P: Zoom in on the nearest hippocampus. My god. It's just as I thought.
F: Is something wrong?
P: Fry, have you noticed anything strange lately, perhaps an above-average ability to remember things?
F: Come to think of it, I have. When I was filling Leela in on the things she's forgotten, it was like I was using your Loewi-Recall Visualizer, but I wasn't.
P: Obviously you weren't using it because it's right here in about four pieces. The fact that you can even remember its name is abnormal. Let me see if my hypothesis is correct.

He shuffles over to a cabinet and pulls out the Gizmometer. After waving it about Fry's head for a moment he shouts-

P: Eureka! I was right. Your hippocampi are functioning at quadruple capacity!
F: How can you tell?
P: I'm getting a reading showing the retention-level equivalent of an eighth-grader in there.
F: Cool. So do I have superpowers now?
P: Only by your own standards. Thanks to the Algernon-Gordon Effect, however, it's only a temporary increase in ability. It will fade over time, but not before your co-workers have turned their backs on you for your threatening gain in intelligence. Again, relative gain.
F: Any idea how long it will take to go back to normal?
P: You seem still not to have hit peak capacity for recall, so probably 'til the end of this week, perhaps a few days more.
F: Hmm. Well, thanks for the anatomy lesson, but how do we fix Leela and LaBarbara's memories?
P: If I could get my device up and running again, it might be able to help, but I doubt it.
F: Why do you say that?
P: I designed my machine to intensify existing memories, not recreate lost ones. They would have to remember at least part of an event before any details would emerge.
F: So if Leela doesn't remember anything at all from the last thirteen years...
P: Then there's nothing my machine can do.
F: Nothing at all?
P: Unless the neurons in her brain are repaired through regeneration, but even then any memories would be unlikely to be complete. Perhaps if we knew how the original damage was done...
Z: I've been waiting patiently, I have, and I have an idea.

Fry and the Professor exchange glances.

F, shrugging: It couldn't hurt.
P: Very well then. What is it, Dr. Zoidberg?
Z: Fry, when you and I were at the bar chatting like old friends, the females were chatting as if they were friends, too. No one has heard from Amy, so maybe she knows what happened.
F: Hey, that's not a bad idea. It won't be long before everyone gets here.

In the PE locker room, Fry crams his jacket into his locker and is shouldering it shut when Amy walks in.

F: Amy! You're just the person I was looking for!
A: Hi Fry.
F: Oh, thank goodness you recognize me.
A: Your name's on your locker.
F: So you don't know who I am?
A: Spleesh, we've only just met. You new here?
F: Crud. Did you meet someone named Leela on Friday night?
A: Yeah, I did! How did you know that?
F: She and I are together.
A: Funny, she didn't mention having a boyfriend.
F, sighing: She wouldn't have. How did you meet?
A: You know, it's kind of weird. The only thing I can remember is that we were all just suddenly at the club in the same booth. It was a pretty wild night, though, so maybe that's why.
F: Man. I was hoping you'd at least have some idea of what happened. Hey, how come you're not in your pink sweatsuit?
A: Oh. Heh heh. I haven't been home since Friday.
F, whistling: Well, who's the lucky guy?
A: I met him on the curb outside the club. He's a lieutenant on the Nimbus!
F: Oh, you mean Kiff?
A: Wow- are you psychic or something? That's him all right.
F: I'm not psychic. I just know him because you two have been together for a while.
A: Huh? We just met two days ago.
F: Amy, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you, Leela, and LaBarbara have all had your memories wiped.
A: Hmm. Well, I guess that does explain this ticket I found in my pocket. I thought it was some kind of reverse-psychology reminder to get my jacket from the coat check.
F: Whoa! Can I see that?
A: Sure.

Amy hands him the ticket which reads:
Obverse "Customer #406 Remember: Forget-Me-Kwik!"
Reverse "Vote to Shrug off Sorrow for a Happy Tomorrow. (c) O. Wernstrom"
Fry gasps.
F: Can I borrow this?
A: You can have it.

Fry takes the ticket and shows it to Professor Farnsworth upstairs.
P: Wernstrom! I should have known. Undoubtedly he’s tinkering with some contraption to compete with my Loewi-Recall Visualizer. I knew I should have voiced a louder opinion when the Association opted to let him join.
F: So, what do we do?
P: For the time being, we’ll carry out business as usual. We’ll nail him at the awards ceremony.
F: But won’t the delay hurt our chances of getting everyone’s memories back to normal?
P: We don’t have any option. Until my machine is repaired, there’s nothing I can do.
F: Okay, we wait ‘til Friday, then. I’ll just have to make some very quality memories with Leela before things go back to normal.
P: What’s that you say?
F: Oh, nothing.

Ch3, Flowers for Frygernon
Everyone is assembled around the conference room table.

P: Good news, everyone! Once you give me your delivery report, I’m closing Planet Express for day so I can put the finishing touches on my Loewi-Recall Visualizer.
L, reading from a notecard: Captain’s report, Thursday March 6th, 3012. 2.5 metric tons of Ramen noodles delivered to Mars University with minor incident. Incident managed without additional incident. Supply dock indicated no further deliveries would be needed this week.
H: A minor incident? Do you mind explainin’ de meanin’ of dat? I might get to fill out some very titillatin’ forms... <rubs his hands together>
L, in a ticked tone: Someone, ahem, interfaced with the receiving scale at the dock.
B: Sheesh. That broad was begging for it. You saw those numbers she was flashing at me!
F: Yeah, but you screwed up her calibration! We were going to get written up for only delivering 1 ton!
B: Lies upon lies! There’s only one word in what he just said that has any truth to it. Heh heh.
L: Ugh. Thankfully Amy was able to reprogram the scale correctly.
A: Yeah, and good thing some of my sorority sisters were around to help.
P: Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, all of you, scram! I need absolute peace and quiet so I can get this blasted thing ready for tomorrow's big event.
H: But sir, I have some important filin' to do...
P: Even with the silencer on your stapler I can still hear you collating in there. Leave it be for tomorrow.
H: Put off...my filin'? But if someone from de Central Bureaucracy does a surprise site visit and I'm not dere...
P: Well, they'll be in for an even bigger surprise if they do. I'm temporarily relocating my venomous iguana colony to your office to give me more counter space in the laboratory.

Hermes walks away dejectedly, muttering under his breath about the "sweet filin' of de Cayman Islands". Everyone leaves Planet Express except for Zoidberg.

P: Zoidberg, I've asked everyone to leave.
Z: But I have nowhere to go!
P: It's none of my concern that you poorly managed this week's allowance. Maybe if you hadn't wasted your money on a wig you could have afforded a night in a youth hostel.
Z, putting on a wig that looks awfully similar to Justin Bieber’s hair: I thought it would finally gain me some respect from the co-workers... <Sigh> Nothing to do but see what the dumpsters have to offer a starving Zoidberg.
Off Zoidberg scuttles.

P: Now that I have the entire building to myself, I can focus on my work. But first I need to wind my watch.
He instantaneously falls asleep in his chair, snoring intensely. Outside the building, Leela is talking to Fry.
L: So, what are your plans for the day?
F: Ahh, nothing much 'til tonight.
L: Are you usually this busy? You've had something to do just about every evening this week.
F: Nah, this week's just special is all.
L: Would you want to come by my place for a bit since you have nothing planned for the better part of the day?
F, raising a brow: Are you hinting that you have something you'd like to do for the better part of the day?
L, with a coy smile: Perhaps.
F: Then count me in!

Back at Leela's apartment, she turns on the TV and puts on a movie.

F: So, what are we watching?
L: Oh, I dunno. Just something for background noise.
F: I like where this is going.
They immediately begin making out furiously on the couch while the opening credits of the All My Circuits movie roll onscreen.
L: Want to take this somewhere a little more spacious?
F: Sure.

Fry follows Leela to her bedroom. Things start to move quickly and most of their clothes are soon on the floor.

Fry pulls back with a troubled look on his face.
L: Is something wrong?
F: Not to kill the mood because I definitely don't want to do that, but don't you think we ought to use some protection?
L: Protection from what?
F: Y'know, getting you <whispering the word> pregnant?
L: What are you talking about?
F: Two people meet, they get drunk, one thing leads to another, then bam! Paternity suit and child support for 18 years. Luck might have been on our side the first few times but we’re pushing it now, don’t you think?
L: But you shouldn't be able to get me pregnant.
F: Why not? I think you'll find everything's in perfect working order.
L: You might think so, but all single men are subject to the M.R.S. Act.
F: Wait, so now I'm single again? I thought we were together.
L, in a frustrated tone: We are, Fry, but we're not married. That means you can't get me pregnant.
F: I'm pretty sure that doesn't keep people from having kids, Leela.
L: You're not getting it. You're subject to the M.R.S. Act. It's physically impossible for you to have children.
F: Okay, okay, this M.R.S. thing. Please explain.
L: Congress passed the Mandatory Reproductive Sterilization Act back in the 28th century. It was introduced by Senator Beyonce's head as the 'Put a Ring on It Act' but the name got changed in committee. That act was the end of the 50 year Battle of the Sexes. Those were dark times for the men of Earth. They were nearly wiped out.
F: Well, what's that got to do with my junk?
L: Women were sick and tired of shouldering the responsibility for contraception, so the Act required all males on Earth have an implant installed on their 16th birthday to keep them from producing functional sperm. Having it decommissioned requires a signed waiver from either a man's wife or the President.
F: But I turned 16 in the twentieth century.
L: Yes, but part of all cryogenics lab protocol includes installing the device at the time of defrostation. It's one of the many functions of the Probulator.
F: How would I know if I got one?
L: The day after you thawed out, did you have sudden, horrific pains in the groin?
F: That doesn't ring a bell, but lemme check. <He concentrates and calls up his memory from that time.> Nothing other than what general clumsiness causes.
L: Did you urinate blood for a couple of days?
F: Nope, just the usual.
L: Hmm. From what you've told me, I was the one who ran the Probulator that day. I should be able to query my last transaction to see if all scripts ran correctly.
F: If it didn't, what should we do?
L: I'm not sure. We might have had a lucky break and nothing's happened yet.
F: Or I could be a complete lawbreaker.
L: If that's the case, then we'll have some tough decisions to make. If anyone finds out, you can be jailed for up to three years.
F, whistling: That's pretty stiff. But it's not like I knew.
L: That could be part of your defense.
F: What about you? What if I got you pregnant?
L: I highly doubt you did, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we need to get dressed and head down to Applied Cryogenics.
F, as he puts on his pants: I knew this would kill the mood.

They head down to Applied Cryogenics. Leela leads the way to the office of her former boss.

L: Good afternoon, sir.
Boss: Ahh, Leela. Are you back for your old job again?
L: Back again? Umm, no. I need you to run a record check for me.
Boss: Do you have permission of the defrostee to view the record?
F: That would be me.
Boss: Okay, we will have to run a DNA check to make sure you are, in fact, the defrostee in question.
He motions for them to follow him down to a consultation room. He picks up a tablet with a number of switches along the frame.
Boss: Hold out your hand and place it on the scanner.
F: Yes sir.

The tablet lights up and scans Fry's hand. It blinks and a computerized voice says :Print Match.
Boss: Good. We have a preliminary match. Now I will need to draw some blood.
An arm unfolds from the side of the tablet. On the end of it is a blood draw. It pricks Fry's index finger then says: DNA Match.
Boss: All right. That will pull the full record. It should print out over here.

He walks to a wall unit where a printer is spitting out pages of data.
Boss, tearing it off: Here you are, Philip J. Fry. Thank you again for using Applied Cryogenics as your home for a thousand years. Keep us in mind if life gets you down. Remember, with Applied Cryogenics, there's always tomorrow!
He turns to Leela: And Leela, nice to see you again. Have a nice day now. Bye bye.

Fry folds up the printout and tucks it into the interior pocket of his jacket. He and Leela walk out of the building.

F: Well, do you want to take a look?
L: I'd rather we were somewhere we could sit down.
F: Does the park sound okay?
L: Yes, but let's get Nibbler first. He'd probably like to have a swan snack.

About half an hour later.

Leela spreads out a blanket on the grass in the park. It's gotten overcast and it's a bit breezy. She and Fry sit down next to one another and he puts his arm around her waist.
F: You ready?
L: As ready as I'll ever be.
F: Here it is.
Leela begins leafing through the pages.
L: Blood sugar, cholesterol levels, risk of malignant ear infection... It ought to be after all the bio-data.
F, mind: What if I've totally screwed things up without knowing it? If I've gotten her... well, all the more reason to go through with my plans.
L: I've found the line where the script should be.
F: And...?
L: It says "Function Null."
F: Which means?
L: It means it didn't implant properly.
F: So I do have one?
L: Not necessarily. The Function Null status just means that the function wasn't completed correctly. It could mean you have one that's not located in the right place, you could have one that's faulty, or you didn't get one at all.

Fry drops his hand from her side and puts it on her knee.

F: I didn't mean for this to happen.
L, stiffly: But it did.
F, quietly: I'm sorry.
L: It's not your fault. If I'd gone back to the office that day, I would have reviewed the file and seen the notice of faulty implantation. You'd have been called back to check things and a new one would have been installed.
F: But you didn't go back. You went with me to Planet Express.
L: Yes. Yes I did.
F, looking at her: What should we do?
L, pushing his hand away: I can tell you one thing- before *I* do anything, I want my memory back.

Leela rises to her feet.

F: Leela, where are you going?
L: To see someone. Alone.
F: But we're in this together.
Leela offers no reply and instead walks away quickly to scoop up a very bloated Nibbler from where he's lying beside the pond, not once looking back at Fry. As she disappears from view, Fry hangs his head and starts to cry.
E2 Ch4

It is the eve of the A.B.U.S.E. awards ceremony. The Planet Express crew is all dressed up and seated around a table but with a notable absence- Fry is nowhere to be seen.

Announcer: Good evening ladies, gentlemen, and neuter sentient beings. Welcome to the 87th annual Association themed competition! To serve as master of ceremonies for this year’s “Mysteries of the Mind” awards, would you please give a hearty hand to none other than the father of neurology, Jean-Martin Charcot!

The crowd applauds with minimal enthusiasm.

J-M C: Zank you all ever so much. Eet ees truly a pleasure to be presenting zis evening. Zere ‘ave been many fine entries to ze competition and eet ees my honor to reward ze very finest amongst zem wees ze recognition zey deserve.

At the PE table.
B, to P: So, as soon as Wernstrom takes the stage, we mob him, right?
P: No, no. Violence doesn’t solve everything. We’ll publicly shame him first.
L, to B: Psst. Where’s Fry?
B: Psst yourself. I don’t know and I don’t care.
L: Listen you, I want to know where he is.
B: I don’t have to answer to you or any human for that matter.
L: He, uh, he hasn’t taken any of my calls. Is he okay?
B: He told you to come over tomorrow for dinner at seven, right?
L: Well, yeah.
B: The time hasn’t changed or anything so you’ll see him then.
P: Quiet you two. He’s announcing the category winners.
J-M C: ...and in ze “Shackling Free Will” division, our runner up ees Dr. Barbak Neerak wees ‘is Random Trend Generator. Everyone, Dr. Neerak of Alpha Centauri University.

A grey-skinned alien trundles onstage, a pair of Blue Uggs swishing under his lab coat. He waves to the crowd and collects his runner-up ribbon.

J-M C: Ahh, ze magic of peer pressure. Zis year’s winner in ze “Shackling Free Will” category, taking ze prize for ze 87th time, none ozer zan our good friend, ze Brain Slug president!

A slack-jawed woman in a pantsuit moves robotically to the stage, the Brain Slug on her temple bobbing up and down with each step. The Brain Slug has a little lapel pin miraculously affixed to its jelly blob thorax.

Slug host, in a flat voice: Thank you. It is such a great feeling to be accepting this award once again. As always, we remain willing to send samples of our species to your laboratory for scientific study.

A collective murmur arises from the crowd.

J-M C: Zat weel not be necessary. Please collect your award and return to your table.

A spotlight moves from the stage to the Brain Slug table. Seated there are two people with slugs attached. Their name tags read “B. Cavanaugh, Judge #26” and “L. Zeitler, Judge #9.”

J-M C: Moving on, zen. We ‘ave arrived at one of ze most exciting categories of ze evening. Zis year we ‘ad a new competition for zose motivated to rechercher, pardon, to research ze intricacies of ‘uman memory. Zere were many excellent entries but only two weel be recognized tonight. Would Professor Hubert Farnsworth and Doctor Ogden Wernstrom please join me ‘ere onstage?

H: Professor. Professor!
P, snorting awake: Wha-?
H: De French dude is calling your name!
P: Why are all of you in my bedroom?
H: We’re not in your bedroom, we’re at de awards ceremony.
P: Oh, yes! My invention! Well, off I go, then.

The professor shuffles onstage, toting a case containing his device.

J-M C: Merci, gentlemen. Now, set up your inventions so zat ze audience may look at zem, if you do not mind?

Dr. Wernstrom puts the Forget-Me-Kwik Orb up onto a black velvet box, against which he rests the remote control. Once it’s in place, he turns to Professor Farnsworth and with a snooty expression says:
I hope you actually remembered to bring something this year.
P: You insolent whippersnapper! I brought something and it works!

With that he sets out a beautician’s dummy head and positions the Loewi-Recall Visualizer.

J-M C: Now, would you please tell us a leetle some’zing about your inventions? We weel go alphabetically and begin wiz you, Professor Farnsworth.

P: Behold, the Loewi-Recall Visualizer. My invention permits the user to investigate his own memories and re-experience them in greater detail. THanks to the viewing lens, the user can even take a closer look at elements of events that may have been missed at the time the memory was made.
J-M C: Ahh, very useful indeed. Now, Dr. Wernstrom?
DW: My Forget-Me-Kwik Orb took many months of careful design, which is more likely considerably longer than the crackpot Loewi-Recall Visualizer’s doubtless hasty creation. THis intense dedication of time and effort has resulted in its ability to selectively target and obliterate memories that the user may feel are unsavory or depressing.
P: You self-satisfied nincompoop! Your heap of neuron-crushing junk doesn’t selectively remove memories, it essentially causes brain damage!
DW: How dare you make such allegations?! I have many content customers who can testify to the services of my invention.
J-M C: Zis Wernstrom brings up a fair point. Ze competition includes a popular vote portion of ze overall score.

M. Charcot cues up a chart that shows a bar for Dr. Wernstrom and a bar for Prof. Farnsworth’s respective points received from the popular vote. Dr. Wernstrom has 27 votes of 30 while Prof. Farnsworth has 0 out of 30 possible points.
P: Ah, but did you notice three of your initial trial never turned in their votes?
DW: Hmm. Strange. I see that now. The polling results weren’t available until tonight.
P: Well, I happen to have those three ladies right here!

The crowd gasps.

P: Leela, Amy, LaBarbara, would you please join me?
A: You bet!
LB, pointing at Wernstrom: Yah, you completely wrecked up our minds!
DW: Why didn’t you come forward before now?
L: Well, that was Prof. Farnsworth’s idea. He wanted us to wait until tonight’s ceremony.
DW: Ah ha! Aiming to make me look bad in front of everyone, eh?
P: Of course! I’m merely exposing you for what you are- a hapless fame-seeker who’ll promote his own work regardless of the human cost.
DW: Duh. Everyone in this room aspires to that. It’s why we’re part of the Association of Borderline Unethical Science Experiments.
P: But this crosses the border into what’s certainly unethical research.
J-M C: What ees ze meaning of zese accusations? ‘ow have zese fine ladies been ‘armed?
L: Sir, all of us had every memory from the last thirteen years wiped out, not just the ones we asked to have removed.
J-M C: Ess zat so? ‘ave you any proof to back up zis notion?
P: I do. LaBarbara, come here. <He pulls the Gizmometer out from the pocket of his lab coat.>
This device will indicate neuronal damage in the hippocampus.
DW: Objection! How does anyone here know that your so-called device will do what you claim it does? For all we know, it just dings to say someone is alive.
P: Well, Wernstrom, if you’re not too chicken we can prove what my Gizmometer does with our own inventions.
DW: You’re on, old man.
P: Any volunteers to participate in this spontaneous, unapproved research study?
Z: Oh, pick me, pick me! I’ll do anything I will!
DW: Fine. The hideous crustacean it is.
Z: Hooray! I’m being useful.
P: Now Zoidberg, I need you to put on my Loewi-Recall Visualizer in a moment so place take off that ridiculous tophat.
Z: Robut my friend, will you hold my prized possession for me?
B: Sure.

Zoidberg hands him the tophat and Bender promptly drops it to the floor and caves it in with his footcup.
B: There. Now there’s no chance of it blowing away <chuckles>.
Z: Ohh...
P: Assembled fellow scientists, first let me say that there’s nothing up my sleeves. <He pushes his sleeves up to his elbows and a petri dish labeled Anthrax drops out> I’ll do a preliminary reading to establish a baseline of hippocampal capacity. <Waves the Gizmometer over Zoidberg’s head.> M. Charcot, will you confirm the reading?
J-M C: Wiz pleasure.
P: Zoidberg, I will now please the Loewi-Recall Visualizer on your head. Again, everyone, nothing up my sleeves. <He pushes them all the way up to his bony shoulders and a few albino lab mice tumble out, squeaking as they scamper off> Please call up your memory of volunteering to participate in this demonstration.
Z: I can see it on the lens, I can!
P: Good. Now rotate the lens so the audience can see it.

Zoidberg does so and the short scene plays over and over again.

P: All right Wernstrom. Are you ready?
DW: Bah, miles ahead of you. I’ve already set the time and date for the deletion. Okay, crab creature, take off that glorified girl’s hair accessory and look into a true marvel of science, the Forget-Me-Kwik Orb.
Z, gasping: It’s so beautiful!
DW: I’ll activate it in three...two...one!
Z, looking around confused: Why with all the staring at me? Where did that tasty-looking shrimp in a blanket go? <Looking at Bender> And what happened to my wonderful hat?!
B: Ah, it was an invisible rhinoceros. Those exist, right?
P: Zoidberg, hold still. Your hat can be fixed at any old cockney’s haberdashery. We can go by one on the way home. I need to take a second reading.
J-M C: Sacre bleu! Zis device ‘as indicated exactly what Prof. Farnsworth ‘as said!
DW: Okay, so the Gizmometer is effective. Now show me the alleged damage.

Prof. Farnsworth takes readings of all three women’s minds and Jean-Martin Charcot confirms them each time.

DW: How strange. Do any of you happen to have the tickets I gave you? I could cue up the specific deletion using the Orb’s system memory.
P: As it happens, I have one of them here.

Dr. Wernstrom punches a few numbers and frowns.

DW: These were all set to permanently delete. To recover them will be difficult, but not impossible. Professor Farnsworth, as much as I hate to admit it, I will need to integrate parts of your Loewi-Recall Visualizer into my Forget-Me-Kwik Orb to reverse the damage. I believe with some reconfiguration we could stimulate myelination and thereby re-establish the affected neural connections.
P: Collaborate with you? Unthinkable!
L: Professor!
A: Please!
LB: For da love of Kwanzaa-bot!
P, grumbling: I suppose I could work with you...just this once.
DW: We’ll do it and never speak of it again.
P: It’s a deal. We’ll resume typical animosity as soon as this is over.

The crowd cheers.
J-M C: Someone get zese gentlemen a chalkboard and some ‘ardware!

Onstage there is a great deal of tinkering, cursing, arguing, and electric sparks, but eventually Prof. Farnsworth and Dr. Wernstrom assemble a combined invention. They set it up and deploy it. All three women look temporarily stunned and then vacillate between looking elated and completely distraught. Prof. Farnsworth and M. Charcot recheck them with the Gizmometer.

J-M C: Incroyable! Zeir memories ‘ave been restored!
DW: Well, they might suffer debilitating flashbacks now and again, but that’s not so bad, is it?
P: Also some mental spotting. <pointing to the crowd> No one here judge us for that!
J-M C: Zis certainly calls for a change in ze award. I do hereby override ze Association’s decision and award ze prize jointly to you both! Zis cooperation and innovation is unprecedented and must be recognized.
P: Huzzah!
DW: What about your lobsterman?
P: Ah, well, he’ll be fine.


Ch 5
Inside R.A. Apartments. There is a knock at the door and Bender answers it. He's wearing a chef's hat and a bowtie.
L: May I come in?
B, turning and yelling over his shoulder: Yo, Fry- the guest of honor is here. Want me to send her packin'?
F, from offscreen: I'll be ready in just a minute.
B: All right, you can come in.
L: Thanks.

They are standing crammed into the tiny annex where Bender sleeps.

L: Can you scooch over so I can take off my coat? It's kind of hot in here.
B: Suit yourself.
L: So, what's for dinner?
B: A big fat surprise.
L: Did you cook it?
B: I sure did!
L, gulping: Oh.
B: Yeah, I may have been the only robot in the class, but I still managed to beat most of those humans in the final exam.
L: Class? What class?
B: Fry and I took a cooking class with Elzar!
L, brightening: You did? Did you, ahh, learn much?
B: You bet! <in a dramatic voice> Due to my impeccable precision, I got top marks in weights and measures. I can dole out the ingredients to within one picogram of the listed weight! No extraneous particles of flour in my pastries, no sir!
L: Very nice.
F, from offscreen: Okay, you can come in now.

Bender opens the interior door and ushers Leela into the living room. The furniture has been rearranged so that the couch is pushed up against the far wall. In front of the picture window a cafe table, flanked by two chairs, is draped with a checkerboard cloth. Beside the circular table is a low, square side table. On it rests a large covered object and a vase of flowers. Fry is
standing with his hands in his trouser pockets, sort of ruining the effect of being nicely dressed. He gives Leela a nervous smile as he gives her the once over.

F: Nice dress.
L: Nice suit.
F: Thanks. Can I take your jacket?

Leela nods and Fry collects her coat. He folds it in half and places it on the couch.

F: Bender, can you bring out the, uh, first course?
B: Whatever you say, boss.
L: He's being awfully helpful.
F: I have to use my brownie points while I can.
L: I didn't know you were taking a cooking class.
F, offering her a seat: Yeah, I had to get through a lot of stuff to learn how to make the one dish I really wanted. <settling himself into a chair>
L: Now I see why you smelled like a spice rack when you came over those two nights.
F: So, how does it feel to have your memory back?
L: It's really weird because I can both remember the last 13 years but also remember what it felt like not remembering anything. Does that make sense?
F: No, not really.
L: Maybe I feel like an amputee who gets reunited with her own leg after a week. I don't know. <she casts her eyes downward> That's not really what I want to talk about, though.
B: Okay folks! Get your chilled forks ready 'cuz here come the greens.

Bender pushes his antenna up and down and his torso spins, making a whirring sound. He opens his compartment and dumps out a pile of salad mix onto each plate at the table. He juggles a radish, carrot, and cucumber before julienning them on top of the salad. He sets a bottle of dressing on the table and then takes off his head.

B, to Fry: Cracked pepper?
F: Sure.
L: No thanks.
Bender cranks his antenna and pepper sprinkles out from the bottom of his head.
B: Just give a holler when you're ready for the main course. <Walks back into the kitchen whistling>
L: I didn't know you ate salad.
F: I can try different things every once in a while.
L, motioning to the set up: This is really nice. And your apartment looks so clean!
F: Bender helped me. He's a cleaning machine.
L: Wow, he must really be sucking up to you.
F: Yeah, if I'd known it took a cooking class to make him be nice to me, I'd have done it years ago. I'd probably still have both of my kidneys if I had!
L: Fry, there's I have something I need to ask you. Did you find out whether you have an implant or not?
F, sighing: I was hoping we could talk about this after the meal.
L: Sorry to bring it up right off the bat, but I spent a lot of time thinking about it yesterday since I didn't see you.
F: It's okay. Now's as good a time as any. I had Dr. Zoidberg check things out yesterday.
L: You let Zoidberg test something that... sensitive to irreparable damage?
F: Eh, he had a metal detector so he didn't need to get within a foot of me.
L: That's a relief.
F: I wouldn't be relieved yet. I don't have one.
L: Well, then.
F: In the long run, it might not matter. Hey Bender, we're ready out here!

Bender emerges from the kitchen and places the main course on the table. It's a pizza box.

L: You ordered a pizza?
F: No, I made a pizza. Look.
Fry flips open the lid and inside is a slightly oblong pizza.
F: Bender did all the measurements and I kneaded the dough and cooked the sauce. We, uh, bought the cheese. Also the pepperonis.
L: So you took a cooking class to learn how to make pizza from scratch?
F: Well, yeah. If it hadn't been for a pizza, we never would have met.
L, smiling: That's true.
F, looking a bit grim: Shall we? <He serves Leela a slice and then puts one on his own plate.>
L: This looks really good.

They eat in silence until Fry pipes up.

F: Care for some music?
L: That would be nice.
Fry pulls the cover off of the object on the adjacent table, unveiling a head in a jar.
L: Wow! You checked out a singer from the head museum?
F: Wait, there's more.

He then rummages through the flower bouquet, finally drawing the holophoner out from its hiding place.

L: You're going to play? For me?
F: Yes and yes.
L: But you don't have worms or the advantage of the Robot Devil's hands!
F: True, but I still have enough of the overdose from the Loewi-Recall Visualizer left to remember how I did it before.
L: Fry, this is amazing. So, who did you get from the head museum?
F: Leela, meet Natalie Walker's head.
L: I'm not familiar with her.
F: I wasn't either until I listened through the sample clips in the head rental catalogue. It took a while, but I finally found the right song.
Natalie Walker's head: We're doing "Galapogos" first, right?
F: Yep. Let's go.
Holophoner sequence

A blade of grass waves lightly in the breeze. The scene unfolds, showing a vast expanse of prairie that extends to the horizon. Brush and brambles begin to creep in from the edges of the scene and before long the scene is framed by two saplings that grow until their limbs meet in the center of the image. Towards the trunk of each tree there is a nest, one filled with smooth white eggs and the other with speckled eggs. In each nest a single egg rocks to and fro, cracks, and splits open. Ostensibly, one hatchling is orange and the other purple. They age as they work their way toward one another down the branches, fledging and flying off when they finally meet. The view follows them as they make their way towards an open plain. They flit and glide, their two shadows moving over the grass below but soon a third shadow creeps in behind them. The orange bird turns in the nick of time to see a hawk descending with its talons spread wide. In one swift motion the orange bird veers and knocks the purple one off course. A cascade of orange feathers covers the image and it returns to the nest where the second set of eggs is hatching.

This time, the white egg hatches first and the purple hatchling begins its trip down the branch. The speckled egg hatches when the other bird is at about the midway point of the opposite branch and it scrambles off in delayed pursuit. The purple bird takes off alone with the orange bird but a few beats behind. Their staggered flight takes them over the same scenery as before although there is now a narrow dirt road bisecting the plain. The purple bird stops to peck at some seed scattered along the roadside and the orange bird very nearly catches up, but not before a net drops to whisk the purple bird away. The scene shifts to a view from the inside of a house, where the purple bird now perches in a cage set beside a window. On the other side of the glass the orange bird jumps up and down on the sill, its beak opening and closing all the while. The purple bird takes no notice, completely transfixed by its own reflection visible on a mirror within the cage. The orange bird flaps its wings a few times before giving up and fluttering away. The scene fades into a view of the remaining egg in each respective nest.

The last flecked egg stirs and hatches. The orange bird matures and flies away just as the final white egg begins to crack. The focus of the image shifts, however, and follows the orange bird as it departs. The orange bird glides down into the plain until it reaches the dirt road. The road's composition transitions from dirt to gravel and eventually to crushed oyster shell as the grassy plain rolls into a dune near a wide beach. Here, the orange bird busies itself with collecting bits of seaweed and debris from the shoreline until it has built a tidy nest amongst the nodding sea oats. The sky darkens and threatening clouds roll in. While the storm rages on, the orange bird just tucks its head under a wing and hunkers down into the nest. The clouds roll away and the moon shines softly on the crests of the sea waves. The moon passes overhead and the sun rises, revealing the purple bird clinging to a stem of grass, peering intently at the still-sleeping orange bird. The orange bird awakes and flies away, but then the image deteriorates abruptly into a cloud of smoke as Fry stops playing.

L: What's the matter, Fry?
F, dropping the holophoner to his lap: I'm done.
L: That's the ending?
F: I guess it will have to be. I don't think I can do this anymore.
L: I don't understand. Did you forget how to play?
F: No, I can remember enough of the basics to keep playing. It's just that I can't do this <motioning back and forth between himself and Leela> anymore. Natalie, you can stop singing now. It was beautiful but I think we're done here.
NW's Head: But we practiced two other songs.
F: I know, but I changed my mind.
L: Fry, what's going on? I don't get the ending. That was us, right? Why did you leave?
F: Because being together doesn't make sense.
L: You... you put this together so you could break up with me?
F: Leela, when I planned all of this out, it was so I could do something else but then when you ran off on me in the park I knew I was hoping for too much. Maybe you can tolerate me as your part-time boyfriend but nothing deeper than that.
L: I can explain.
F: There's nothing to explain. You showed me once and for all that as far as you're concerned, there is no "us-" just you and me individually.
L: I was upset and I didn't mean it that way.
F: You said what you said, and that said plenty to me. From the minute we left the cryogenics lab 'til we read through the paperwork all I could think about was what might be in our future together. I thought about what it might be like to have a family with you, even if it was an accident. Hell, for split second I thought maybe there was a reason everything happened the way it did. But I was wrong.
L: I can't believe this. I- I thought... <tears start to well up in her eye> I thought you were going to ask me...
F: To marry me? Yeah, I was. Now I don't see the point.
L: But you'll go to jail if I'm pregnant.
F: I'll take my chances.
L: You would rather be tossed in the clink than be with me?
F: I'd rather go to jail than have you be with me out of obligation. You'd resent me for it and I wouldn't be able to enjoy finally getting what I wanted at that cost.
L: So you're just giving up.
F: Leela, I'll love you for the rest of my life. I've just realized that there's nothing I can do to make you happy with me.
L: I am happy with you.
F: You're just saying that.
L: Listen to me. When I left the park, the person I wanted to see was my mom. Even though you told me my parents were alive, I wanted to see it for myself. I thought that if it was true, I could finally turn to the one person I’d always wanted to and get some advice. She had nothing but good things to say about you and it got me thinking. <After a pause and a deep breath> I spent yesterday alone, worried and wondering about what to do. I thought about every idiotic, dangerous thing you've ever done to make me angry but also every idiotic, dangerous thing you've done to keep me safe. Then I realized how thoughtless it was of me to insist this was something for me to handle alone. I should have been worrying about it with you.
F: How does being on the verge of a nervous breakdown equate to being happy with me?
L: Fry, you're not the same person you were when we met thirteen years ago, but I've been treating you like you are. It took forgetting everything I knew about you for me to see you for the man you are now.
F: So...are you saying you'd consider being with me if I've knocked you up?
L: Don't you get it? I want to be with you regardless of what we find out.
F: Really? You mean it?
L: Yes, you dope! <She takes his hands and pulls him up to stand with her> I want to get married.
F: To me? You want to get married to me? I can't believe I'm hearing this.
L: So we agree, then? You want to get married no matter what?
F: Yes! You know I'll marry you, Leela.
L: Oh, Fry.
They kiss excitedly for a moment, then Fry pulls away.
F: Can I tell Bender?
L: Yeah, call him out here.
F: Bender! Come out of the kitchen!
He comes out wearing his chef's hat and an apron.
B: You two look happy about something.
F: We're getting married!
B: But I thought we scrapped the whole proposal plan? You told me not to make the apple turnovers!
F: We did.
L: Yeah, I just asked Fry to marry me.
B: Say what?! I did not see that one coming.
F: I know, right? I've asked her like 19 times and she always says no, but I said yes on her first try.
B: Do not overthink this, Fry. In my experience, the ends always justify the means. Congratulations.

Space Pope
« Reply #7 on: 08-23-2012 20:47 »

Thanks, I don't know what shippy means. So long as it isn't slang for shitty, then okay. It's about to get Wernstrom-ier. He's one of my favorite supporting characters.

Shippy refers to romanticizing characters, particularly ones that aren't a couple on the show. Often fan fiction suffers from making two characters uncharacteristically in love with each other. It's a little easier for Fry/Leela shippers at this point in time since they are officially a couple on the show, but back in the post-cancellation days, everyone was writing happy endings for those two. 

I like your idea of having Leela ask Fry to marry her though, that's funny.
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