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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    General Futurama Forum Category    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    A new Fan Fiction by someone less talented. « previous next »
: A new Fan Fiction by someone less talented.  (Read 764 times)
: [1] Print
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« : 12-14-2005 06:45 »
« : 03-14-2006 23:00 »

Edit: Gone.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
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« #1 : 12-14-2005 09:10 »

nice action sequence.  You might want to go back and check your grammar and sentence structure before you post your next section though. 

 
Quote
the station computer calculated the optimal trajectory for its missiles judge from the ship speed, altitude, irregular flying pattern and it's special anti idiot pilot algorithm. This algorithm was specially designed to expect that the pilot of an enemy ship was a suicidal idiot with no self-preservation what so ever and thus would survive as luck always sided with fools.
anti-idiot algorithms... I love it  :D

a few minor nitpicks:

 
Quote
what so ever
should be: whatsoever

 
Quote
miss the PE ship, he let go of the controls
full stop instead of comma

 
Quote
Unfortunately, Fry had not fasten himself to the pilot seat
had not fastened
Tokash

Crustacean
*
« #2 : 12-14-2005 10:17 »
« : 12-14-2005 10:17 »

It does need some grammatical and spelling work.  But it's sufficient to understand the sequences you're portraying.  There are good creative and humorous visuals; one I especially liked that made me chuckle out loud:
 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus:
...a flight that ended when the delivery boys head made it's own painful delivery to the ship front window...
Brush up on the grammar and keep going with it.  Your idea has just begun to blossom.

fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« #3 : 12-14-2005 22:49 »

Excellent!  Glad you posted.   :D
Leo

Delivery Boy
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« #4 : 12-15-2005 07:20 »

I liked it and I'm intrigued as to how Fry has found himself in this situation. You got me looking forward to the next part.
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #5 : 12-16-2005 06:08 »

@soylentOrange & Tokash, thanks for pointing out my bad grammar. My English teacher would use a ruler on my knuckles if she were to find out. Sorry for that.

@Fryismyhero, I'm glad that you're glad.  :D

@Leo, glad you liked it, hope my next part will intrigue you even more.  :)
BenderNeedBooze

Starship Captain
****
« #6 : 12-16-2005 06:41 »

I rate it a  :)
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #7 : 01-01-2006 07:15 »
« : 03-14-2006 23:00 »

Hi! Me again.   :)

Hope you all had a great New Year's Eve. I did.   :D

I present to you; Part two. (Of my dubious fan fict.) I do hope my grammar is better this time. (Fingers crossed.)

I (yet again) thank FryIsMyHero for beta reading it.

Edit: Gone
say what now

Bending Unit
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« #8 : 01-02-2006 10:47 »

Aw, poor Fry.
I like so far! You've got a great style.
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #9 : 01-07-2006 08:15 »
« : 03-14-2006 23:00 »

Am I not busy as a beaver? Because here is yet another part of my fanfic.

Those of you who feel that this train wreck soon should be over can rest easy. There is only one more part after this one.

Before we begin, I wish thank FryIsMyHero for betaing. With that, enjoy.

Edit: Gone


------------------
"You don't know what quiet is until you lose all power on a space station."

David A. Wolf
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #10 : 01-11-2006 06:19 »
« : 03-14-2006 23:00 »

Ta-da! Here it is the final installment of my four part saga!   :)

For those who have enjoyed it, all good things must come to an end. For those who thought it was tripe, well, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

But don't think for a moment that it's the last fan fic from me.. oh no no no..   :p Already working on my next.

So without further ado; Part four, and as always, credits to FryIsMyHero for taking her time to beta.

Edit: And Gone.
Arkan

Bending Unit
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« #11 : 01-11-2006 14:07 »

Great update, although it's slightly depressing at the end.  :( Poor Fry. Is there gonna be an epilogue or something?
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #12 : 01-11-2006 17:09 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by arkan:
Is there gonna be an epilogue or something?

I'm afraid not. Hope I didn't disappoint you?
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
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« #13 : 01-11-2006 19:12 »

hey corvus.  i finally had a chance to read your fic today, nice job!  I like the ending even though its sad. 

I loved this: “Will ya quit sighing mon, ya disturbing my paperclip stacking!”
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #14 : 01-12-2006 16:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
i finally had a chance to read your fic today, nice job! I like the ending even though its sad.

Why, thank you. Always nice to hear that I'm doing a good job.  :D
Arkan

Bending Unit
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« #15 : 01-13-2006 10:52 »

Oh no you didn't disappoint me, it was good. I was just being over-optimistic  :) It was a sad ending, though. Although I really liked Hermes' line too.  :D
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #16 : 01-20-2006 07:22 »
« : 03-15-2006 23:00 »

Edit: Gone.
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« #17 : 01-20-2006 11:41 »

I enjoyed your first story. My main comment is that you seem to have the opposite of my problem - my first story is all dialog, yours is all action  ;) I guess that's a natural consequence of me writing in script-form and you writing in short-story form, though.

I'm not sure what to think about the prologue of the second one; so far there's not much to really comment on since it's basically a retelling of the begining of the story, but with a female fry. I'm currious to see where you're going though! Keep it up!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« #18 : 01-20-2006 22:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus:
A quick bow of appreciation to FryIsMyHero who's invaluable comments and suggestions has helped to improve (I hope   :p) my writing. And for taking her time to beta read what this talentless hack of a writer produces.

Talentless...bah!  Give yourself a little credit!

Glad I can be of some help, I just hope my internet doesn't crap out on me again and leave you waiting...
  :D
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #19 : 01-21-2006 09:27 »

@Gopher, you're curious to see where I'm going with this? Well, you're not the only one!
I have no idea... just kidding. I have a very good idea as to where, I just have to get there. (Writing it I mean. :))

@Fryismyhero, credit? But you do the hard part.. I just write it.  :)

 
Quote
Originally posted by Fryismyhero:
Glad I can be of some help, I just hope my internet doesn't crap out on me again and leave you waiting...

Some? You're a great help. And I didn't mind the waiting. Well worth it.
Arkan

Bending Unit
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« #20 : 01-21-2006 12:27 »

Looks like a promising start, Corvus, and I'm interested. Like Gopher said, though, so far it's basically just a retelling of the story with a female Fry, so I'll wait until the next part before I make any more comments.
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #21 : 02-06-2006 09:23 »
« : 03-15-2006 23:00 »

Edit: And Gone.
Arkan

Bending Unit
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« #22 : 02-06-2006 10:48 »

This is a really interesting story and I want to know what happens, so, write more! It's good!
 :D

I always like stories where Fry gets captured or whatever. I'm so mean!  :p
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« #23 : 02-06-2006 11:10 »

great job corvus!  I really liked the descriptiveness of it all.  It's almost like I'm actually there with the characters rather than reading a story about them.  The only nitpick I can come up with is that you left out a couple of words here and there.  Please keep it coming!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« #24 : 02-06-2006 15:44 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus
There, chapter one all done. If anyone should have credit for this one it’s FryIsMyHero for  suffering through this crappy first chapter.

Yeah, it was a real drag reading through your sucky work.    :p   :p  NOT!  It was my pleasure...I really enjoy reading your stuff!
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« #25 : 02-18-2006 06:32 »
« : 02-18-2006 06:32 »

@Arkan and Soylent, glad you liked it. Unfortunately I'll have to put the story on hold until further notice.

It's not that I don't know how to continue or how to end it. I have all that figured out. I just can't bring myself to write right now.   :cry:

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
Yeah, it was a real drag reading through your sucky work.   :p   :p NOT! It was my pleasure...I really enjoy reading your stuff!

For some reason, I found that hysterically funny.   :p

edit: Awwwright! I'm a delivery boy!!  :D
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« #26 : 02-18-2006 16:46 »

 
Quote
corvus said...
Unfortunately I'll have to put the story on hold until further notice.
It's not that I don't know how to continue or how to end it. I have all that figured out. I just can't bring myself to write right now.

 :( :( :( hope you get your groove back soon buddy.
Arkan

Bending Unit
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« #27 : 02-18-2006 18:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
   :(  :(  :( hope you get your groove back soon buddy.

Second. We can't afford to lose any more writers, dammit!
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