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Author Topic: FemJesse III: Return of the Jesse  (Read 9160 times)
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Farnsworth38

Professor
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« Reply #280 on: 09-29-2003 04:58 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 04:58 »

Jesse, that pic is great. It’s like a scene from Kate Bush Live, when she sang Hammer Horror. And listen to Asylum-Fry.

Edit: TOTP platonic <hug> to cheer Jesse up. Wait a minute: coming from me, it&#8217;d probably make her feel worse...  hmpf
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #281 on: 09-29-2003 08:12 »

Jesse, your art is amazing, as always.

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you, that a large tub of cookie-dough ice cream and some R&R couldn't solve.

Peace-out.
Bobby King

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #282 on: 09-29-2003 09:33 »

coooooool Vampire pic  big grin
JDHannan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #283 on: 09-29-2003 10:03 »

yes.  Chocolate may be required over here at our Lil' Jesse's place...
FemJesse

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #284 on: 09-29-2003 10:08 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 10:08 »

Bah... I'm too pussy and lazy to kill myself... I fear suffering too much.  Probably why all my pre to mid-teen suicide attempts were so lame.  It would probably be easier if I had a gun.  Just close my eyes and shut off my brain...

I understand a lot of people feel this way.  That's really sad.  I hate when I feel and sound like the anorexic girls who cut themselves on afterschool specials.  What really sucks is that I know my friends and family "love" me or whatever, I'm just too damn bummed to care.  I guess I just don't want to have to feel that way anymore, and it would just be easier to go to sleep and never wake up than have to deal with the feeling.
A bottle of aspirin is not fatal, you'll wake up if you start to drown, plastic utensils take a hell of a long time to break the skin (but are delightfully painful), a "fatal" dose of caffiene is not fatal, eating paint is not fatal (though I bet I'll have some lovely cancer later), and laying in my bed at the age of ten, looking at a full moon, asking god to never let me wake up is definitely NOT fatal...

I've saved two people's lives since then... I like to think I'm done.  The conversation runs cold when you turn to your parents one at a time and ask them if they've served their purpose.

Mom:  No because my purpose was to get this charity for the elderly started... blah blah blah self-righteous banter...

Dad:  My purpose was to be your dad.

I miss my dad.  He always knows the perfect thing to say. 
Where the hell was I?  Losing my mind?
Oh yea...

~Jesse

Edit:  Some great news: http://www.deviantprints.com/details/18034
Jamesbondcja

Professor
*
« Reply #285 on: 09-29-2003 10:19 »

That hell for cats is awesome Jesse.

Take Melllvars advice - ice cream can solve most troubles.
Anarchist

Professor
*
« Reply #286 on: 09-29-2003 10:26 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 10:26 »

Jesse, suicide is bad for your health. So is depression. Don't do this to yourself. I know what suicidal/near-suicidal depression feels like. Hell, I'm sure most people here do. I know this sounds cliche, and it is, but it's a permenant solution to a temporary problem. You think you're done? Like hell you are. You think you don't have a purpose? Your purpose is what you make it. Your "destiny" is what you want it to be. You're never "done". You don't start this life with a list of chores to do. I don't know how serious you are about this, maybe this is just a short-term thing that will pass soon, but either way, it's not good. Talk to a trusted friend. Seek help. If you can talk about this to strangers on the Internet, you can talk about this to someone you care about; someone you know cares about you. Keeping this bottled up inside you is NOT good. There's a better way. You shouldn't hurt yourself physically OR mentally. You deserve better; you know you do.

And, for the record, that vampire picture is amazing, as is "Hell for Cats".
evan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #287 on: 09-29-2003 11:23 »

Listen, as another Depressive (that'll admit it), I completely empathize what you're going through. Until a few months ago (oh, alright, a few weeks ago), I felt exactly the same way that you do. I know it can be difficult sometimes, because life isn't fair in the least. Stress builds up, pressure comes down on you, crushing your spirit and your bones and your will. It's not fun and it's not easy. But, no matter how much we long for death, the pain is still there. And do you know what happenes at death? All of the pain and anguish that you've felt spreads out to everyone you've ever known. Trust me.

I don't want to sound preachy or snide or anything, but we do care about you more than just your artwork. Think about holding on, just for another week at least. We'll be in NYC and all, for a little bit at least, will be well.

You ever need someone to vent to, you can always look to me.

Your friend,
Evan.
ZombieJesus

Lost Belgian
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #288 on: 09-29-2003 12:09 »

Suicide? Hah. You'll get over it, trust me, I know how it feels. You just said it yourself, you don't really want to die.

You still got creative ways of showing your frustrations and other negative emotions.

If you get really desperate, do some fun but not-so-healthy, perhaps even dangerous things you wouldn't normally do, like trying medication, or even drugs for example.
I'm only saying this because drugs don't hurt someone else physically, which can't be said of reckless behaviour in traffic. Perhaps you'll even gain new insights. Hey, as long as it keeps you alive.

To keep on topic: Great work, but just not my style.

Oh and if you're depressed look into the cause before starting a treatment with antidepressants.

(If nothing helps, I recommend carbon monoxide intoxication. It is sometimes given to terminally ill patients. )  smile
Margarita

Space Pope
****
« Reply #289 on: 09-29-2003 12:16 »

Hey Jesse... it's just something you have to decide by yourself... i've been thinking a lot about it and not in emotional state. what are you living for? Is there something you love and want to keep in this world? life is selfishness + emotions. i could end my life but i dont want to right now. there's something i want to do before leaving this world. do you have it? if yes, think about it. think about your friends, parents. Everyone has bad times, everyone experience depression some time, but you know what keep me away from it? the thought that with every depression you get stronger. it's like a illness and when you're over it and get an immunity. same with problems. i had a hard last 5 years but when i think about it...maybe it's good that i had it because now, if something similiar will happen, i wont be lost and i wont feel terrible. take every pain you get as an injection before real pain. i was thinking about one thing that happened with me and all i thought was "WHY???" but few days ago i understood why. i had a hard time but now i'm happy that i'm stonger than many people and i can fight problems really fast. i have a self-control. too make myself feel better, i imagine that world is 50% of good things and 50% of bad things; so when you get a bad thing you 'work' for a good thing. yeah and dont take drugs. when i had hysterics i used to take a pill and i dont think it really helped me... then my parents told me to stop because i could get addicted. i didnt really care and i could take more pills but i just didnt want to... it just didnt help me. now, go eat some chocolate and watch cartoons or do whatever makes you feel happy. good luck  smile

---

 
Quote
Originally posted by JDHannan:
 yeah... i can see you now (or back when it happened)
boyfriend: Hey Margarita!  Marry me?
you: sure!
   no no
you have to fake like you're in love!

uh?
do you know what i meant? of no, dictionary is your friend.
FemJesse

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #290 on: 09-29-2003 12:37 »

I'd rather die than do illegal drugs... and I was on antidepressants before but I demedicated myself because they were clouding my mind and fucking up my thought processes.

But seriously, how would you guys even know if I capped myself?  It would just be like I stopped coming online and posting... and submitting stuff to SAC and TLZ... You wouldn't know unless there was a news article or something... (I sincerely doubt there'd be any)  Some other kid from my school (main campus) jumped from his fifth story dorm and landed on his neck last year.  Now that kid had balls... and what...
It was in the Temple University Newsletter.  I bet all his friends on the internet found out...

I don't think you guys have much to worry about.  Like I said, I'm too pussy to kill myself, so I doubt I'm going to start giving my stuff away unless I get regular access to a gun.  I have too much shit for one person...  I wouldn't do it to prove a point.  It would be something I'd do for myself and the general good of society.  A part of me is definitely losing it, and I'm beginning to think I should be committed to an Asylum... where I would just take up space and consume resources until death of old age.

I guess I do have NY to look forward to, in the meantime.  Maybe it'll make me feel better...
I'm going to go eat some greasy bad-for-me fried shit, which'll consequencially cause me to cry about it later.

I have thought about death by carbon monoxide.  I really love the smell of fuselage.  How long would it take for a 110 lb female to asphexiate(sp?) in a two car garage?
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #291 on: 09-29-2003 12:57 »

Well in my experience, when someone I knew on another forum killed himself we only found out since his friend told us. The guy himself said how depressed he was and how everything was going wrong, we turned round and tried to cheer him up, but I don't think we took it all that seriously though. But then the next thing we knew...  hmpf
JDHannan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #292 on: 09-29-2003 13:16 »

You say you'd rather die than have to deal with all the pain and stuff and you have already accomplished the point of ur life... but maybe the goal in ur life should be to survive through the shit and the pain, and set a good example to everyone else.
like u could say
Hey, my life is harsh and i've got all this crap to deal with, but i gritted my teeth, i drew out my frustration and now i'm leading a long, happy life.
The unexamined life is a life not worth living, and clearly u've examined a lot of ur life...
and i think you can be a good person, do the right thing and u'll be talking to us on this forum for a long, long time
Anarchist

Professor
*
« Reply #293 on: 09-29-2003 13:16 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 13:16 »

"...and the general good of society"? That just plain doesn't make sence. Besides, you don't want to die; you just want the pain to go away. There are other ways to do that, and I'm sure you can think of a few if you put your mind to it. And if there's anything in particular that triggered this, try to find a productive way to deal with it. Your death wouldn't make things better for anyone, and would rob you of all the good thing you could experience in your life. You're young, you're talented, and I'm sure you have a lot of things going for you. You want to throw that all away?

EDIT: Some satire for you. And some more satire.
And some advice for you. And some more advice.
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #294 on: 09-29-2003 14:01 »

That vampire pic rules! Leela looks so realistic  cool
Wonderbee31

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #295 on: 09-29-2003 15:39 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 15:39 »

I find myself agreeing with the other people that suffer from depression in here as well, Jesse.  I tried to off myself several years back, and came fairly close, but didn't punch the ticket.  Now though, I feel that I have a responsibility to live, because of my wife and children.  Believe me, that responsibility hangs on me much heavier than my depression did, even though I still find myself having to fight it off every once in a while.  I use my writing and model building to take my mind off of it, but I can only give you general advice, depression knocks different people on their asses in different ways.  Now I exercise, read, write, and just shut myself away for a bit.  I hope that things get to feeling better for you, and that maybe the trip with the other's to New York makes you feel better.  If I could have went, then I would have done all that I could to help you feel better.  Take care Jesse.

P.S. I've always been one of your biggest fans in here, and I'd say that your VamFry picture is great. 
ZombieJesus

Lost Belgian
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #296 on: 09-29-2003 15:40 »

FJ: It's not recommended to quit any treatment yourself. Can't you get other meds instead?
Futurama_Hil

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #297 on: 09-29-2003 15:54 »

I looove Leela in that latest vampire pic, very detailed though I must admit being a vampire just doesn't work for Fry.  smile

I've always been mostly positive, usually pissed all the time too, and even though I'm rather young, I've had problems where I've thought of doind bad stuff, not like suicide- as I said, I was too postitive for that-but like just not caring about anything. But I got through those times, I'm sure there'll be much harder ones in the future, but what the hell, there's always something to get out of life.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #298 on: 09-29-2003 16:14 »

this is gonna sound kinda lame, but im being serious, i'm not making light of your situation, but i think you may want to consider getting a pet. I went through a period soon after i moved to orlando, when i didn't know anyone, where my best friend completely turned on me. I'm talking total backstabage followed by a three month dissaperance. And i'm a loner, i admit it, i'm not exactly a social butterfly but total isolation is hard to take. And i was depressed and a little frightened since i didn't really know anyone. So i really relied on my cat. i know that sounds so freakin pathetic, but it's true. Coming home to a friendly face even if it's feline really meant a lot to me. Anica made it very clear that she liked having me around, she got upset when i left and she was so excited when i came back. and that little bit of reasurance went a long way.
Farnsworth38

Professor
*
« Reply #299 on: 09-29-2003 16:22 »

Jesse, there have been some things in my life I&#8217;m not putting on an open board: you&#8217;ve got mail.
Eroshka

Poppler
*
« Reply #300 on: 09-29-2003 16:41 »

I hope you feel better soon Jesse. And once again, I have nothing except praises for your art.

Eroshka
Vintage Dave

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #301 on: 09-29-2003 17:21 »

I'm quiet only because everyone else has already said it.  I'm always wishing you well in the background.
PCC Fred

Space Pope
****
« Reply #302 on: 09-29-2003 17:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by ZombieJesus:
FJ: It's not recommended to quit any treatment yourself.

It's also not recommended to start any treatment yourself.

Jesse - We all care about you here.  If you ever want to talk, I'm only an e-mail/AIM link away.  smile
Luis

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #303 on: 09-29-2003 20:03 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 20:03 »

Nope, it's not recommended, but i can see why she did it. I used to take antidepressives and they sucked the feelings out of me, suggestion or fact? they did it anyway. You got many people here that care about you, and... well, there's some things you know that i can't post here. Please Jesse, get some sense and fight, we're all here for you! please don't kill yourself... please don't leave us...

TV? where the hell are you? get some sense into her, please!
FemJesse

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #304 on: 09-29-2003 20:23 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 20:23 »

Freeform thought
**Image removed by Jesse.  There's something weird in this picture that I didn't see before...**
**Image put back by Jesse.  Nevermind... I think its just my mind playing tricks on me... if anyone else sees it that wasn't intentional... the script I put in quotations is intentional..**



"Vdtll
Daehapisakaraé
Fadroishd arv vonituog
Lzca tor intva."

Makes perfect sense to me...
Margarita

Space Pope
****
« Reply #305 on: 09-29-2003 20:40 »

you should do more abstract art. i love it.  cool
Tdog

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #306 on: 09-29-2003 21:29 »

I am terribly sorry FemJ. I had no idea it would have that kind of effect on you. I didn't mean for you to bust it out in one night, you had all of October.
Take a few days off rest, relax, get a foot massage.
And I hope you feel better soon. It really is a beautiful piece of art. Love Fry's widows peak.
FemJesse

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #307 on: 09-29-2003 21:38 »

Its not the art... its my mind going bad.
green-gesus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #308 on: 09-29-2003 21:57 »
« Last Edit on: 09-29-2003 21:57 »

I have to put in my 'two cents'. Not becaues I'm afraid of what you'll do, not because I do not care for you as a person or as an artist, but because I think all views must be heard.
I have people I buddy around with. People I'm civil to in the hallways and streets. I let their best and worst wash over me. I am there for their public joys and sorrows, because its stupid to differentiate either as the best way to be alive.
Almost everyday I enjoy their pains, it is then I'm sure they are alive. I'm sure they are in struggle and change. Change is movement, Movement is life.
If everyone I knew, here, and in my Offline life, died or moved on where I could no longer contact them, I would be okay with it. Because reasons for wanting to live are exactly like reasons for wanting to die. They are something you do when you're bored with sedentary being.
good filler.
To be fair, I am in a state of depression, have no one who cares for me, know this will not be liked but don't understand why, I am afraid of vampires.
[I realize that this doesn't hold much for the parts of social life that make it 'worth it' I do have my little things that make it worthwhile, I love that they make me forget what I beleive about life]
Vini Vidi Vicious
Molly

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #309 on: 09-30-2003 01:11 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by evan:
 And do you know what happens at death? All of the pain and anguish that you've felt spreads out to everyone you've ever known.

Evan, that is so unbelievably TRUE. Who knew words on a message board could resonate so deeply within my head.

Jesse listen to Evan and just hang on until the PEEL meetup in a few weeks... I've been so excited to go and especially since you will be there; I can't wait to meet the creator of so much beautiful artwork. You know, as has been indicated several times already in this thread, a lot of people here have gone through or are currently going through the same stuff you are. Me being one of them. And nearly everybody here seems more than willing to give support and ideas. So, y'know, if you wanted to talk about this in person as well, I'm definitely up for it.

(Did the above make any sense?) sigh. Posts like this make me feel so ineffective.
The Names Nick

Professor
*
« Reply #310 on: 09-30-2003 02:15 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by FemJesse:

I guess I do have NY to look forward to, in the meantime.  Maybe it'll make me feel better...
I'm going to go eat some greasy bad-for-me fried shit, which'll consequencially cause me to cry about it later.
 

hmmm it seems to me that ever since you started going back to school you have been slowly losing ground, mentally that is. Clearly having to eat crappy food makes you feel bad. My guess is living in a cramped dorm room, which you are probably having to share with someone else is also helping contribute to your depression.  Based on what you have posted, it seems that you are surrounded by other depressed people, and some have even taken their own lives. To top it all off you seem to have a lot of school work. Throw all of that together, and you have a really shitty environment. I wish I could be of more help, but I am afriad unable to change your environment.   frown

I do hope you start feeling better soon, Jess.    smile
Prof_Funkstein

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #311 on: 09-30-2003 05:47 »

Ditto on whut The Names Nick posted...

It's also a fact that diet (that 'crappy food') can affect brain chemistry, causing depression in some instances.

Sendin sum positive vibes your way, Jesse,
and keep your art going -- it's awesome!  big grin
ZombieJesus

Lost Belgian
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #312 on: 09-30-2003 08:16 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by PCC Fred:
 It's also not recommended to start any treatment yourself.
Good point.  wink  smile
 
Quote
Originally posted by FemJesse:
Freeform thought
  Nevermind... I think its just my mind playing tricks on me...

 http://www.scanartcentral.net/Submitted_Art/FemJesse/PEEL/losingit.jpg

"Vdtll
Daehapisakaraé
Fadroishd arv vonituog
Lzca tor intva."

Makes perfect sense to me...
Exactly. They sound song titles from an Aphex Twin album.

I like that drawing. It's like carving in wood,which, together with the blood red colour, reminds me of self mutilation.  smile

 
Quote
Originally posted by The Names Nick:
 hmmm it seems to me that ever since you started going back to school you have been slowly losing ground, mentally that is. Clearly having to eat crappy food makes you feel bad. My guess is living in a cramped dorm room, which you are probably having to share with someone else is also helping contribute to your depression.  Based on what you have posted, it seems that you are surrounded by other depressed people, and some have even taken their own lives. To top it all off you seem to have a lot of school work. Throw all of that together, and you have a really shitty environment. I wish I could be of more help, but I am afriad unable to change your environment.    frown

I do hope you start feeling better soon, Jess.     smile

Another very good point. Eat healhy, get fresh air, etc. Don't be afraid of fats, as long as they're of vegetable origin.
FemJesse

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #313 on: 09-30-2003 13:40 »

Passive aggression.

Tuva j gtn
Nis puodof
Faelv e hocp imf
Abxcoli
Zi
Jamesbondcja

Professor
*
« Reply #314 on: 09-30-2003 13:48 »
« Last Edit on: 09-30-2003 13:48 »

Not scratch and sniff?

Still awesome though, keep it the nice work!

  big grin
The Names Nick

Professor
*
« Reply #315 on: 09-30-2003 13:52 »

So can you speak in the same bizzare language that you are drawing? If so is it kinda like speaking in tongues, you know like something I would see on Ripply's?
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #316 on: 09-30-2003 14:22 »

I love that typography, very hypnotic and trippy  cool
ghoulishmoose

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #317 on: 09-30-2003 15:01 »

Yeah that is very cool Jesse  cool
SpacemanSpiff

Space Pope
****
« Reply #318 on: 09-30-2003 17:02 »
« Last Edit on: 09-30-2003 17:02 »

those abstract (um. may i call 'em abstract? i dunno.) pictures are really great. while i don't understand what you want to say exactly with the ... words there, i guess i do understand the sense. no, wait, i probably don't. however it might be possible that my interpretation (based on my emotions) is rather close to your intention.

i also like the first picture better, the second one somehow doesn't have a very aggressive look to it, more of a sad and solitary look.
but then again, my aggression (even the passive one) is rather erratic, so it's understandable why i like the red one better.

ps: apparently, almost all others here try to overcome depression with medicine and whatnot. for me, drumming (in this case it probably was closer to hitting stuff untill i'm sweaty all over and untill my hands are numb) and loud music full of hate, anger, pain and depression helped me a great deal.
also, i've become emotionally numb and a cynical bitch. turns out that helps a great deal too. of course you can't feel stuff like love for anybody since you're pretty much emotionally dead, but you won't feel (very) depressed or suicidal either.

hail seitan

Anarchist

Professor
*
« Reply #319 on: 09-30-2003 17:28 »

I love abstract art in general, and, in this case, yours in particular. It's beautiful, Jesse. Keep going.

 
Quote
Originally posted by SpacemanSpiff:ps: apparently, almost all others here try to overcome depression with medicine and whatnot. for me, drumming (in this case it probably was closer to hitting stuff untill i'm sweaty all over and untill my hands are numb) and loud music full of hate, anger, pain and depression helped me a great deal.
Ditto. (Except for the drumming.)
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