Sex and the Delivery

[on:]

Well, this is my first attempt at a Futurama Fanfic.  After reading so many others and seeing the different styles that people write in; from highly descriptive novellas to emotional relationships to slapstick comedy, I decided to try and keep the original format of the real episodes and stick to the light-hearted humor that makes Futurama so endearing.  I maybe take it a step further in the raciness department as this episode would be rated at least PG-13.  But if Groening could do something like this and slip it by the FCC, I wouldn't put it past him to try!

Anyway, I hope this thread doesn't get taken down because of it's content.  I also hope you all enjoy it.  Any feedback is appreciated.

Tokash

[Reply #1 on:]

Sex And The Delivery

Author's note:  This episode takes place soon after "Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?"

(insert opening theme and credits here)

FUTURAMA:  Too much may cause blindness and hairy palms...

SCENE 1
Some of the Planet Express crew are scattered around the company office.  The Professor makes his usual triumphal entry with Hermes at his side.

Farnsworth:  Good news everyone!  I have a delivery for you of 18-hour bras to the planet of Gozangas-44DD.

Hermes: (smiling broadly):  And it ain't no booby trap, no way mon!

Fry: (perking up)  OH MAMA!  That is good news!  This is the kind of delivery I've been waiting for!

Bender lounging on the couch nonchalantly puffs at his cigar with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

Bender:  Yeah, whatever.  Let me insert my floppy into their slots and then I'll show them a delivery they'll never forget.

Fry: (chuckling) Oh, is it like the three and a half inch, or the five and a quarter floppy?

Bender: (angrily) C'mere, Meatbag and I'll show ya.

Farnsworth:  Floppies have been obsolete since back in your day, Fry.  They're only used as coasters now along with the Compact Disc and the DVD.

Leela: (rolling her eye) You men are all the same.  All you can ever think about is sex, sex, sex.

Fry:  Hey, I think about other things!   Like, umm...uh.....I can't think of them right now, but I know I do.

Bender:  Face it Leela, you females think about sex just as much as males.  You just can't admit it.

Amy:  Bwah!  I'm always thinking about sex.

Leela:  Amy!

Bender:  (pointing at Amy) See?  A confession from your own gender!

Zoidberg:  (walking in from the kitchen) What's all this talk I'm hearing of reproduction, intercourse, and mating.  I'm still stuffed with male jelly if anyone needs me.

Bender: Yeah, someone take on Zoidberg.  At least he'll die after his orgasm and we'll be rid of him forever.

Amy: (looking over to Leela) Actually... that's almost tempting.

Leela: (looking back at Amy)  Yeah, I never thought of it that way.

An awkward silence engulfs the room as Amy and Leela ponder having sex with Zoidberg.

Amy and Leela: (in unison) NAH!

Zoidberg: (obviously dashed) ohhhh, and here I thought I could finally dispense of my genetic material.

Hermes: All right everyone!  Enough wit duh chitchat about your hormones.  Deez bras are only good for 18 hours and must be delivered before den, and it's a 15-hour trip to Gozangas-44DD.

Fry:  Why?  What happens to them after 18 hours?

Farnsworth:  Why, they self-destruct of course, unless you reset them.  Now off you go!

SCENE 2
The Planet Express ship has been hyper spacing on course for Gozangas-44DD for the past 12 hours.  The crew, minus the Professor and Hermes, is gathered on the bridge obviously tired and bored of the lengthy travel.

Leela:  Bender, I wish you repaired the cruise control before we left like I asked you to.  Now I'm forced to sit here at the controls through the whole trip....and my neck is really stiffening up.

Fry: (getting up from his chair) Well...(cracks knuckles and walks behind Leela's chair)  Maybe a nice massage is what you could use.

Bender:  Hahahaha, your neck isn't the only thing getting stiff, Leela!

Leela:  Don't touch me, Fry!  I don't want your crude, slimy, smelly paws on me.

Fry:  Hey, I washed them last week.

Leela: Whatever.  All you want or think about is sex and I won't have you.... (Fry begins to massage Leela's neck and shoulders despite her refusal)...I won't.... I...uhhh, mmmmmm, ooohhhhh, ooooooo.

Bender (leaning over to Amy and whispering):  I'll get the K-Y.

Amy (whispering back): I'll get the condoms.

Bender and Amy:  teeheeheehee

Zoidberg:  So what is the ritual you are performing on Leela, Fry?  Will this cause her to begin laying her eggs, for you see I would be more than happy....

Bender: SHUT UP, BRINE SHRIMP!

Leela:  Ohhh, Fry...I never knew you were so good with your hands....mmmmm.

Zoidberg:  It must be all the practice he's had massaging his own genitalia.  I understand this is common among humans.

SCENE3
The Planet Express ship descends on planet Gozangas-44DD and lands between two large hills, snuggly nestling in between them as it touches down.

Leela:  Ok, Fry and Bender please go to the cargo hold and deliver our cargo.

The cargo bay hatch opens and a loading platform lowers Fry and Bender with an anti-grav dolly stacked with boxes.

Fry:  Ah, so this is planet Gozangas-44DD?

Bender (pointing into the distance):  Yeah, you can tell cuz every mountaintop has two peaks.

Fry: I can't wait to see the inhabitants of this...thi...th.....th.....th u....thu......duuuuhhhh

Fry's stammering was caused by what he saw approaching them; two beautiful and extremely well endowed females.  One was humanoid, green-skinned, and slender with fiery red hair that flowed freely about her shoulders.  She wore a black, tight-fitting latex body suit with a silver holster belt that hung loosely around her hips.  The second female was pale skinned with platinum colored hair that was cut in a geometric style, which made her head look almost triangular.  Her body was no less geometric in shape as her upper torso slimmed down to a thin tube at the waist.  Her stiff, slender legs ended in what looked like roller skates for feet.

Bender (eyes bulging out):  Ohhhh.....my.......gawd!!!

Fry: (stammering) B...b..... Bender....d....d...do you see...wh.... what I see?

Bender:  AHHHH!!! Fry!  My eyes fell out!

Redhead: (in a sultry tone) Welcome to Gozangas-44DD, gentlemen.  I hope you're flight here was safe and incident-free.

Fry and Bender:  gaagaaa, daadaaa, baabaaa

Redhead: (chuckling)  It seems it was, as you are here now.  I am Jezza Belle, head of Security and Customs on Gozangas.  You can call me Jezz.  And this is my android assistant, I-694U.

I-694U: (seductively to Bender) I am so thrilled to see a male bending unit as part of this crew. (giggles)

Jezz:  I understand you bring a very important shipment for us.  Is this it?  (Jezz points to the boxes on the dolly)

Fry and Bender:  duhh....derrr.....errrrr....g aga....

I-694U (leaning over to Jezz):  I thought they spoke the common tongue on earth.  My programming does not recognize this language they now speak.

Jezz:  You'll have to forgive I-69, gentlemen.  Her model has just been recently released and she has still to receive a number of upgrades, including the language of "the stupefied and dazed male".  So if you can please speak in a language we can all understand....

Fry (stumbling as he picks up Bender's eyes):  Ohh, uhhh, yeah sorry.... I uhhh...guh...errr, I've never seen anything sooo.... beautiful before.

Bender: FRY!  Hand me my eyes, damn you, so I can never see anything so beautiful too!

Jezz: (smiling) Oh, you are just so flattering, um Fry is it?  Now, we really need this shipment of 18-hour bras to be transported to our Binary Optical Oscillation Beam Station for resetting before they self-destruct.

I-694U:  Perhaps we may get together later after the custom transactions are taken care of?

Bender (putting eyes back in):  Lady, you underestimate your chances!

SCENE 4
Fry and Bender are back aboard the Planet Express ship.

Bender:  Guys!  You won't believe what I've seen!

Leela:  Fry with clean underwear?

Zoidberg:  The extinct anchovy?

Amy:  Oh no!  Is there acne on my face?

Fry:  We saw the most beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous women in the universe!

Leela:  Pfft.  You said that when we were at the Head Museum looking at the Classical Bands.

Fry:  Well, KISS looked good from the back.

Bender:  Guys, Fry and I have a rendezvous with some Twin Peaks.

Fry:  Yeah, it's like that Nun who sings, (singing terribly) "Cliiiiimb every mountaaaaain..."
 
Leela slaps her hand over Fry's mouth.

Leela:  Please, Fry.  I don't want to see my lunch again.  Now what are you guys talking about?

Bender:  It's called a "date", Leela.  It's something you obviously don't understand.

Zoidberg:  Oh my!  Who would have thought Fry could attract a mate?  My last examination of him showed he was depleted of all male jelly.

Fry:  That's because I just finished one of my massage practice sessions.

Leela (perplexed):  You....really have a date, Fry?  I don't believe it.

Fry:  Yep!  Believe me, I don't believe myself either.

Ship Computer:  "You've Got Mail!"

Leela turns to the monitor keyboard and presses a button.  A full body shot of Jezz appears on the screen.  This time she's dressed in a high-cut skirt with a v-cut top revealing all of her cleavage.  Fry's and Bender's jaws drop in lust.  Leela's and Amy's jaws drop in jealousy.  And Zoidberg's claws drop to scratch himself.

Jezz:  Hello everyone.  I am informing you all that the shipment was a lifesaver to many; especially to those in our retirement care centers.  It gave them a great lift!

Fry:  Great lift!  Oh yeah!  They're not the only ones!

Jezz:  As a thank you, I would like to invite you all to our banquet hall for dinner.

Bender:  Hey Lady, I thought this was gonna be a foursome, not a gangbang!

SCENE 5
In the Gozangas banquet hall, the crew is escorted up on a stage behind a large table draped in lace cloth.  They are honored and thanked by Jezz before a crowd of women, humanoid and alien, who are all elegantly clothed in revealing attire and seated around tables throughout the hall.  Afterwards dinner is served.

Amy:  I feel so underdressed for the occasion.

Leela: I feel so under developed.  Just look at all these genetically enhanced women.

Fry: Like you need to tell me?

Leela:  Fry, you've been drooling ever since we've landed on this planet.

Zoidberg:  The gonads in his throat must be working overtime.

Leela:  Don't you know there's more to us women than just physical attributes?

Amy:  There is?

Leela: We are also intelligent, caring, understanding, sensitive, empathetic...

Bender:  Pathetic, you said it.

Fry:  Why do you even care what I think, Leela?  You never seemed to before.

Bender: (mockingly) Yeah, just because all these women are more beautiful than you doesn't mean we want to hear a lecture about your insecure inner psyche.

Zoidberg:  The great psychologist of our people, Dr. Freudberg, has said that automated copulation is a requirement for a species survival.  Fry is merely demonstrating the initial phases.

Leela:  Well I think it's just demeaning to our gender how you males just ogle over our body parts.

Bender:  Is that why you wear all those skimpy bikinis yourself?

Fry:  Oooo, burn!

Jezz and I-694U approach the crew's table.

Jezz:  I trust you are enjoying yourselves?

Fry (staring straight into Jezz's cleavage):  Even more now!

Leela: Fry!  (Leela slaps him)

Amy: So Jezz, does your planet provide, um, enhancements to visitors?

Leela:  Amy! (Leela slaps her)

Bender:  Yeah, I know Fry could use some enhancements.

Leela:  Bender! (Leela leans around Fry to slap Bender...*clank*)

Fry:  And how would you know, Bender?

Bender:  From Leela who blabbed about your lack of attributes while you were sitting in the sauna with her and Amy.

Fry:  Leela!  (Fry slaps her)

Zoidberg:  Someone slap me please, I'm feeling left out.

I-694U (to Amy):  We do provide enhancement services, but unfortunately (to Fry) only for the female species.  It's just what our specialty is on this planet.

Fry: Damn!

Jezz:  If you are interested, Amy, I could arrange a preliminary examination for you.  We could use some volunteers to help, um, further our experiments.

Jezz and I-694U look at each other and giggle.

Amy:  Oh yes!

Leela:  Amy, we need to get back to Earth.  We can't just all sit here and wait for you while you get your....your....(motioning to Amy's chest) enlargements.

Bender: Sure we can.

Jezz:  Oh the procedure itself is almost instantaneous.  We just have to make sure Amy's body won't reject the foreign material before we proceed.  It wouldn't be more than a few minutes.  I'm sure you'll find the final results, uh, mesmerizing.

I-694U:  And how about you, Leela?  Would you be interested in an enhancement?

Leela:  Absolutely not!  My body is perfectly proportioned, thank you!

Fry: But I thought you said earlier you were feeling "under developed".

Leela: "Hiii-yahh!" (Leela punches Fry who goes flying out of his chair and across the stage.)

SCENE 6
The crew is seated on couches in a waiting room awaiting Amy's examination.

Bender: So how big do you think she's gonna get them?

Fry:  I dunno.  She's already cute the way she is.  But to see her with cleavage as well....ohhhhhh.

Zoidberg:  I thought she was hideous.  So I guess anything would be an improvement.

Leela:  She's just going to end up looking like a floozy slut.... like that Jezza Belle.

Bender:  We all know you're jealous, Leela.  Why don't you just admit it and get a boob job?

Leela:  (unconvincingly) I am NOT jealous.

Just then the door opens and in rolls I-694U.

I-694U:  Amy has passed the preliminary exam and has elected to perform the procedure.  She has made her choice of size and shape and will be joining you momentarily in her new body.

Bender:  And when this is all done, maybe you and I can go back to your place where I may be able to perform an "examination" of my own on that luscious, cold, hard metallic bod of yours.

I-694U:  Oh, Bender (giggling) I would enjoy that very much!

I-694U exits the room.

Bender:  YES!  Score one for the wonder-bot!  Let's see you top that, Fry!

Fry:  I can get any woman I want!  You'll see.  I can get Jezz.  You saw the way she was looking at me before, giggling and laughing.

Leela:  She was probably laughing AT you.

The door opens again and in walks Jezz and Amy with her newly enhanced front-end.

Amy:  So what do you guys think? (Amy thrusts her chest out, her enlarged breasts stretching her already tightened sweatshirt even further.

Fry: Wow!  Amy, those are.... big!  Can I touch 'em?

Amy:  You've touched them enough, before.

Bender:  Even if you're not a robot, Amy, you still got my hard drive....er drive hard...er, ahh, nevermind.

Zoidberg:  Those look like perfectly round pearls, like my aunt Clamella used to make.

Leela:  You look, um...a bit top-heavy.  Don't you feel like you're about to fall over?

Amy:  Actually they're not heavy at all.  In fact they're filled with some special kind of air that makes them perk up.

Jezz:  Amy is correct.  The genetic material in them is lighter than air, though denser than water.  This allows whatever size variation the recipient desires without the worry of weight restrictions, while still offering the soft supple feel of genuine breasts.

Fry:  So can we see them with your shirt off?

Amy: Well I suppose I can allow a quick peek.

Amy begins to unzip her shirt as Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg move in front to block the audience's view.  Amy's arm extending from above and behind the threesome, hangs her shirt on top of Bender's antennae.  The three cheer wildly as the scene fades out.

SCENE 7
The crew are all back aboard the Planet Express and on their way home.

Leela, Bender, and Zoidberg are all seen in the cockpit.  Behind the cockpit's closed door, muffled voices could be heard of Fry and Amy.

Amy:  (from behind the cockpit door) That's enough Fry!

Fry: (talking jibberish) Is you taste am huge it feel's squeezer

The cockpit door slides open.  Amy is zipping up her sweatshirt and Fry stumbles out in a stupefied daze.

Bender:  Fry!  What happened?

Amy: He was trying to, um, get a taste of my goods.

Fry stumbles towards Leela and stands behind her chair, stupidly drooling.

Bender:  Trying?  By the looks of those pointy moist spots on your shirt, I'd say he was successful.

Leela:  Fry, quit breathing over my shoulder please.  I'm trying to pilot the ship.

Just then, in a flash, Fry pushes Leela off the chair.  He leaps over the backrest and sits in it, taking control of the ship.  Leela partially lifts herself off the floor and looks back at Fry in disbelief.

Leela:  What are you doing?!

Just then the ships intercom chimes in with "You Got Mail!".  Fry blankly looks up at the monitor and presses a button.  An image of Jezz appears.

Jezz:  Greetings my volunteer deliverers.  I want to thank you for sending "presents" back to Earth.

Bender:  Presents?  What presents?  No one ever gives me anything.  That's why I gotta steal.

Jezz:  Ah, yes.  One of the presents is the two lovely wonders of Amy's enhancements.  You see, anyone who chances a nibble at them will be induced with the potent mind altering gas that is contained therein.

Leela, Bender, Amy, and Zoidberg all gasp melodramatically.  Jezz continues:

Jezz: The victim becomes extremely susceptible to suggestion.  Allow me to demonstrate. (Jezz grins slyly).  Fry, count to 10.

Fry: Er...one, three, six, five...er...eleven.

Jezz:  Now hit your head repeatedly on the console.

Fry begins banging his face into the panel in front of him.

Jezz: Now sing, "Feelings".

Fry: (grossly out of tune) FEEELINGS...woah woah woah FEEEEELINGS....

Zoidberg swoons while Leela and Amy grimace and cover their ears.  Bender begins to short circuit.

Amy: Argh shikes, Fry!  Stop!

Fry stops singing.

Bender:  Hey he listened to you.  Hey Fry, squeeze Amy's boobs.

Fry gets up and approaches Amy with hands reaching out grabbing the air.

Amy:  Get away from me, Fry!  You've had enough already.

Jezz:  You earthlings are all the same; vile, disgusting creatures whose only thoughts are to procreate, copulate, and masturbate!

Bender:  Hey now, Baby.  You did this to Fry.  He can't help it.

Jezz:  Yes we did indeed do this to Fry as well as many other civilizations.  We consider it our duty to rid the universe of such perversion.  But to find out whom the perverts are, we must put them through the temptation of sex and lust.  Those that fail will eventually know our wrath.  All such races get destroyed.

Bender: Lady, you are one twisted bitch!

Jezz:  And now for the revelation of our second present we gave you.  You ship has been loaded with a planet-destroying bomb.  With the push of a button, your ship's computer will lock into an unalterable collision course with Earth.  FRY, PRESS THE BUTTON AND DO NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM ANYONE ELSE!"

The image of Jezz on the monitor disappears.  Fry whirls around and leaps back towards the control console.

Leela:  Stop him!

Bender, his arms extending beyond their usual length, grabs a hold of Fry just before he is able to reach a red button on the console.  Zoidberg, Leela, and Amy all tackle him to the ground.

Leela:  Fry, stop!  Please stop!

Fry calms down a moment.

Bender:  Hey, I think he might still listen to suggestions....Fry, pick your nose.

Fry immediately gets angry and fights back ferociously.  With a seemingly super-human strength overtaking him he flings the trio a distance off of himself, Bender also loses his extended grip in the melee.  Fry stands up, looks around, then takes a step toward the control console.

Leela:  (picking herself up) Fry no, please no!

Zoidberg:  No Fry, the impact will release my male jelly and that can get ugly!

Bender: You already are!

With a maniacal grin, Fry raises his finger to push the button.  Suddenly, his jaw drops to the floor.  Standing on the other side of the console is Amy...topless.

Amy: (seductively) Fry, you wouldn't want to damage these (thrusting her chest out)....would you?

Fry's eyes twitch, his tongue hanging out as he pants heavily; his finger still poised just above the course-locking button.

Fry: (talking jibberish): must.cannot...boobs...orders listen...button...push...boob s...

Amy struts around the console toward Fry.

Amy:  I know you want these, don't you?  Uh huh, yes you do.

By this time Fry is shivering and shaking.  Amy stands directly in front of him and slowly wraps her arms around his neck as she presses up against him.  Leela, Bender, and Zoidberg are all in a huddled group off to the side whispering cheers at Amy.

Leela (whispering towards Amy) Go Amy!

Bender (whispering towards Amy) Yes, finally some action!

Zoidberg: (whispering towards Amy) May I join?

Amy then pulls Fry's head down between her large, soft mounds.

Amy:  Mmmm, this is what you wanted isn't it.....

Fry, in a nervous breakdown, grabs Amy's  breasts and begins sucking on them back and forth uncontrollably.

Amy: Mmmm, more...yes more!

Fry seems to inhale deeply as he sucks, his face turning blue.  He stands straight up momentarily, then a wide smile spreads across his face.

Amy:  Hmm, I think that may be enough.  Fry, will you listen to whatever I tell you now?

Fry nods his head fanatically.  Amy turns and looks at the other three huddled together and grins nastily.

SCENE 8
The Planet Express ship lands back at the Planet Express headquarters.  Farnsworth and Hermes are there to meet them as the stairs lower from the bottom of the ship's hull.  Four humanoid shapes tumble down.

Farnsworth:  Good gawd!  What happened to all of you?

Fry: (talking jibberish) Big....titties...er....yeah.. .boobies!

Bender: (talking jibberish) er...uh yeah...hooters...huge...

Zoidberg: (talking jibberish)  ....great....pearls of joy....lovely....

Leela: (talking jibberish) ...round...monster....melons. ..

Farnsworth:  You're all sick and perverted!  Where's Amy?

Amy then appears at the top of the steps..  She's wearing sunglasses and a tight zipped-up sweatshirt and sweatpants.

Hermes:  Sweet sumtin' of sumwhere!  Amy, whut have you dun to da crew?  And whut da hell happened to you?!

From between and behind the Professor and Hermes we see Amy with a mischievous smile descending the steps, approaching them (and us) as she slowly unzips her sweatshirt, her breasts expanding outward as the tight-fitting top loosens.  The camera slowly zooms in until the whole frame is filled with Amy's breasts just about to fall out of her sweatshirt as the zipper drops below her cleavage... the scene fades to black.

(insert ending theme and credits here)

THE END

[Reply #2 on:]

I'm a little confused on why Bender would be affected by the non-robot women. Or the suggestive gas since he doesn't breathe.

[Reply #3 on:]

On top of Venus' observation about Bender, I know that there are several Leela slash Amy fics out there, but in canon Leela is 100% hetero.  I don't think that the PE ship would survive the stress bought on by Leela beating the hell outta everything and everybody if they were to attempt to force her to snuggle up with Amy's new breasts.
 
ESPECIALLY AMY'S BREASTS.
 
With a little practice, stories like this may fit well in The Turanga Pages

[Reply #4 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
I'm a little confused on why Bender would be affected by the non-robot women. Or the suggestive gas since he doesn't breathe.

Futurama itself contains so many inconsistencies and things that just don't make sense, it's these silly things that give a lot of the laughs.  I wrote this up mainly for the humor aspect and not necessarily to try and explain things.  (However Bender does demonstrate a possibility of "swinging the other way" in "I Dated a Robot" ).

[Reply #5 on:]

 

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
...but in canon Leela is 100% hetero.

It's true, I can't think of a single episode where Leela demontrates an attraction for the same sex.  However she does admit to being a wild hedonist ("The Day The Earth Stood Stupid" ).  And one can interpret that any number of ways.  As far as how she got affected by the gas is left up to the reader.  We know it's Amy who is the instigator.

[Reply #6 on:]

That was a good story.

[Reply #7 on:]

I actually think it would have been funnier to have Bender be the only one not affected and instead used the time to take pictures for later blackmail use.

[Reply #8 on:]

   

Originally posted by Venus:
I actually think it would have been funnier to have Bender be the only one not affected and instead used the time to take pictures for later blackmail use.

Now THAT would be in character for Bender.

Blackmail, hell, he'd place them on the Internet next to the 'Amy Wong Naked' pics(actually it's Amy's head placed on Leela's body - "HEY!" )

[Reply #9 on:]

'Scuse me...I gotta go do something while the images are still fresh in my mind...

Maybe it's just me, but this story seems to have a lot of sexual overtones.  I could be imagining that, though.

Seriously though, Tokash, it was better than most porno scripts, and it didn't even involve penetration.  That being siad, it wasn't as good as the show or most fanfics.  A lot of the jokes were childish, and while there's a time and place for childish sex jokes in Futurama, that time and place is "Spanish Fry."

I sure we could all go further, but I imagine the story has accomplished what it was meant to.

[Reply #10 on:]

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:

Seriously though, Tokash, it was better than most porno scripts, and it didn't even involve penetration.  That being siad, it wasn't as good as the show or most fanfics.  A lot of the jokes were childish, and while there's a time and place for childish sex jokes in Futurama, that time and place is "Spanish Fry."

Dr. thunder, I've told you to stop being vague!  Just tell us how you really feel!

[Reply #11 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
I actually think it would have been funnier to have Bender be the only one not affected and instead used the time to take pictures for later blackmail use.

That's a very good idea, Venus.  Perhaps some revision is in order.  Being my first attempt, I expected it to be rather rough around the edges...and then some. 

By the way, thanks to everyone for the feedback.  Both positive and negative comments are welcome.

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:
Seriously though, Tokash, it was better than most porno scripts, and it didn't even involve penetration.

I'll take that as a compliment.    No, I wouldn't expect to top the brilliant writers of the original episodes.  But if there's a place or two that made you crack a smile or even chuckle a little (whether you thought the writing was funny, or that the writer is a dork), well that's all I was looking to do.

[Reply #13 on:]

 

Originally posted by Juliet:
That was a good story.

Thanks Juliet!  Yay, I have a fan!  Ok, maybe I'm pushing it...

[Reply #14 on:]

That was great. Never have I been entertained by a fan script. FYI the FCC would fuck around with that so much it'd be only featured on the dvd. Maybe a blue dot while Fry sucks Amys breasts would be sufficient censoring but knowing them they'd take everything out of context.

[Reply #15 on:]

 

Originally posted by Juliet:
That was a good story.

[Reply #16 on:]

Alfred Hawthorne Hill would be proud...

[Reply #17 on:]

You should send this script to "MXC". I think they'd be really impressed by how many boob jokes you can fit into a single script.

[Reply #18 on:]

 

Originally posted by SpaceCase:
Alfred Hawthorne Hill would be proud...

I actually had to Google that name to find out who it was...   

[Reply #19 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
You should send this script to "MXC".

Mexico Energy Corp?  Sorry, I had to Google this too...

[Reply #20 on:]

No, it's a TV show where they take a Japanese game show and dub stupid masturbation jokes over it.

[Reply #21 on:]

Stupid masturbation jokes?  Is there such a thing?

[Reply #22 on:]

Masturbation jokes are hilarious, they just need the right timing. See Spanish Fry.

[Reply #23 on:]

There's good masturbation jokes and bad masturbation jokes. MXC is like:

Announcer 1: Here's the spokesman for the national Institute of Monkey Spanking!
Announcer 2: I bet that means he spanks the monkey a lot!
Announcer 1: Yes, he is very fond of spanking the monkey!
Announcer 2: I bet he does it every night!
Announcer 1: Do you get it?
Announcer 2: We're saying he masturbates a lot!
Announcer 1: It's a masturbation joke!
Announcer 2: He likes pleasuring himself!
Announcer 1: Are we funny yet?

[Reply #24 on:]

Nurdy, those jokes weren't funny.  That they were used at all was funny.

[Reply #25 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tokash:

By the way, thanks to everyone for the feedback.  Both positive and negative comments are welcome.

I'm not one to be bashing anybody else's stories - Zombie Jesus knows that I'm writing one now that it not for my Beta, it would be barely readable.  You do seem to have a handle on the character's personalities; it's the lowbrow humor that seems to be your undoing with this particular story.  Considering the type of readers that PEEL attracts, 'S&tD' would be more at home at 'The Turanga Pages' (nobody take that as a flame - to me each their own, some people like their stories a little - different).

Maybe for your next attempt you should try something a little less 'over-the-top' with the sex and tittlation jokes.

At least you're contributing - I admire that.  For every person that contributes to the community in some way, whether it be via cash donations to keep sites running (See 'The Leela Zone'), running the actual sites (-marc- for PEEL, Leandro, Teral, Graham, Kif and others at TLZ), being a mod and keeping the sites functional (Nixorbo, Kryten, Velour Fog, Tweek and others), contributing artwork and fan fics (The Cap'n, Venus, Shiny, Jberges, Layla, Soylant Orange), the underappreciated beta's (Spacecase, Leo, etc) there are others that just soak up the bandwidth and criticize.  I applaud your effort in attempting to give to the Futurama Community.

My appologies to the many contribitors that I missed.

[Reply #26 on:]

A smith in the hand turned out hilarious.

[Reply #27 on:]

prety good!

[Reply #28 on:]

ditto what snart and dr thunder said.  Sex jokes aren't really my thing, but I have to admire the talent of anyone that can squeeze that much sex humor into such a short script

[Reply #29 on:]

I-694U. Heeheeheeheehee.  I find some of the wierdest little things so funny...

[Reply #30 on:]

 

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
... You do seem to have a handle on the character's personalities; it's the lowbrow humor that seems to be your undoing with this particular story...

... you should try something a little less 'over-the-top' with the sex and tittlation jokes.

At least you're contributing - I admire that. For every person that contributes to the community in some way... there are others that just soak up the bandwidth and criticize.  I applaud your effort in attempting to give to the Futurama Community.

I couldn't have said it better...

[Reply #31 on:]

Thanks for the comments Ralph.  A few items that caught me:
   

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
...You do seem to have a handle on the character's personalities...

Thanks!
   

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
...it's the lowbrow humor that seems to be your undoing with this particular story.

For those who do not enjoy lowbrow humor, this is a true statement.
   

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
...to me each their own, some people like their stories a little - different).

Exactly.  This is definitely a different approach in style.  For those who do enjoy lowbrow humor (and I can't believe I'm the only person in the universe who does), it would not be the "undoing", but rather the "making" of the story.  I’m sure there are those out there who would question that this is even “lowbrow”, i.e. “Hey, I like lowbrow humor and this isn’t even close…how dare you…”  Everyone has their own view and interpretation of the world.  As you said Ralph to “each their own.”
   

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
Maybe for your next attempt you should try something a little less 'over-the-top' with the sex and tittlation jokes.

Definitely!  What I posted here was very much an experiment.  I know it was very risky seeing that I have absolutely no reputation by which the readers could gauge the writing style.  My next attempt would probably be something more in line with the Futurama universe.
   

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
At least you're contributing - I admire that...I applaud your effort in attempting to give to the Futurama Community.

And I appreciate that!   

I know that sex jokes aren't everyone's cup o' tea, which is why I initially hesitated in posting this fan fic.  Sexual innuendo, lowbrow, and childish humor abound in Futurama, although they usually happen on a tangent to the storyline and much less frequently.  But seeing how they exist within the series themselves, I assume the Futurama fan community would, at worst, tolerate a story that takes an aspect of the series to the extreme and, at best, find it amusing and entertaining.  From the feedback I've received here it seems my assumptions are correct.  At least I haven't seen (or at least not yet) an equivalent of "take this offensive piece of garbage off the boards"!  And it appears to have entertained others who may have a similar (or admittedly perverse) mindset as myself.  Considering the controversial style of the writing, I didn't expect everyone to enjoy it.  But I’d rather have a mixed bag of nuts… even if there are two almonds touching.   

[Reply #32 on:]

I must admit that this was really my kind of story. Boobs and titties aren’t really my “thing” (hetero girl here), but I do however enjoy lowbrow, sexual humor! It’s nice with an easy read once in a while. This was a perfect story for my mind right now. The absurdities of the jokes are what made me enjoy the story, like the self-destructing bras and I-694U!

 

The Planet Express ship descends on planet Gozangas-44DD and lands between two large hills, snuggly nestling in between them as it touches down.

That’s funny, somewhat because it’s similar to an in-joke between me and my friends but mostly because the use of the word “snuggly” is interesting in the context...

[Reply #33 on:]

I like it.  Obviously, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea.  But that's kinda the point.  And I admire your ability to take criticism calmly.  But by the same token, don't allow your story to be written by committee.  It's yours.  Do what YOU want.

[Reply #34 on:]

 

Originally posted by becky:
This was a perfect story for my mind right now.

I think I know what you mean by "right now".  It took me a while to write this fic because I wasn't always in the mood or the right frame of mind.  But when I'm not so serious, I can totally laugh out loud at this kind of stuff.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Reply #35 on:]

 

Originally posted by Crash_7:
I like it.  Obviously, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea.  But that's kinda the point.

Thanks for the support, Crash!   

Originally posted by Crash_7:
I admire your ability to take criticism calmly.

The criticism I've received so far has all been constructive and honest and that's really what I wanted.  Without it, I can't gauge how everyone feels.  My deepest fear was that it would have been too offensive to some where they would demand it be removed from the boards, but so far I haven't got that impression.   

Originally posted by Crash_7:
But by the same token, don't allow your story to be written by committee.  It's yours.  Do what YOU want.

An excellent point that you state here.  I can concur with this statement for all writers, authors, and artists anywhere.

[Reply #36 on:]

I think this would certainly pass as a good Futurama episode.

[Reply #37 on:]

I don't get all the praise here.

Far too low-brow and risque-for-the-sake-of-risque, and not in the stylings of the show at all. Futurama to me has always been a more highbrow affair, though it does have its more lowbrow moments, they aren't usually so fully-on and have an air of cleverness to them. This lacks that entirely, and there are several instances where the characters are either OOC or certain traits of theirs are over-enhanced (*cough*) too much.

To me, this just came across as a bordering-on-porno piece you'd expect from a one-off writer at FF.net or something. There's also the ironic fact that it's incredibly sexist (I'm surprised some of the females here haven't made a huge fuss about that actually) and then tries to cover it up with a cheap plot relevation from the main "villain" of it all being anti-sexist, only to just end up going into more blatant/in-your-face boob jokes.

This may seem like a flame, but it's supposed to be constructive criticism. The fact is, there's a lot to criticise and very little to praise, IMO.

I'd say no offense, but as Leela said once, "Actually, I do mean to offend a little. This is awful!"

[Reply #38 on:]

Gee Kif, don't hold back - how do you really feel?   

[Reply #39 on:]

He's earned the right to post that review. he has several very very highly rated epic fics.