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Author Topic: Krazy Kids Kwrite Krap  (Read 352 times)
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« on: 09-05-2004 16:51 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2004 16:51 »

(Notice the THREE rebellious uses of "K" in the title. EXTREEEME!   wink)

Anyway, Young_And_Angry and I have been working on a fan-fic, and we want to know what everybody likes and dislikes about our writing before we write more. Also, we're stuck. So, without further ado, the first page:

A Sting in my Heart
By Young_and_Angry and Y_L_B

*Scene: main room. Bender, Professor, Leela, and Fry*

Leela: Professor, we are NOT going to go to the space bee hive again!

Farnsworth: Who said anything about space BEES? I needed you to get a space WASP for me to study! Hopefully it will get me a Nobel Prize in...Something. That'll show *dramatic* WERNSTRUM!

Fry: Right, so how do we get it without us getting killed?
Farnsworth: Well, you'll have to spray this tranquilizer at the hive! * holds up tiny canister of 'Insectoid Sleeping Drug' with a picture of a sickeningly adorable space bee that is sleeping with little Z's coming from it on the can and hands it to Fry *

Fry: *reading can* 'Do not ingest, especially if you are Marilyn Monroe.' Hey, are any of us Marilyn Monroe?

Bender: *angry* You know we aren't! *slaps Fry*

Leela: That doesn't look like that would put down a whole hive

Professor: Hey, you just need one!

Leela: We're still not going.

Professor: Not even for... TRIPLE PAY?
*the crews pupils get wide*

Bender: *getting up, dramatic* To the flying machine!

Fry: We have a mission to do!

Leela: Give us our money now! *snatches money from Farnsworth's hand*

 Scene:  Plan Ex ship, bridge

Leela moans* Why did we agree to go on this mission?

Fry: Triple pay?

"See how these little hearts eminate from me! That is how much love I have! For my brother!"

"And look! There is a big heart coming out of my head right now! It is kind of painful, actually, but I shall endure the pain! For my brother!"
Futurama Freak1

Bending Unit
« Reply #1 on: 09-05-2004 17:00 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2004 17:00 »

That is good so far Y_L_B and Young_and_Angry well that is what I think of it!  smile Keep on writeing!!

« Reply #2 on: 09-05-2004 17:05 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2004 17:05 »

Thank you, FF1. Reading through, though, I realize that the one page isn't really a lot... So here's some more:

Leela: Oh, yeah.

Fry: I just KNOW this is gonna end up like the time we had to get space bee honey.

Leela: Let's just hope it doesn't. Suit up and we'll go to our deaths.

Fry: Why can't Bender do it?

Leela: He took off his limbs some where and he forgot where he put them.

*Pans over to the "Laundry Brig" (Thank you, Zapp.) where Bender   is sitting on the floor with his limbs in his open chest cavity. He closes it with his MIND

Bender: He he he, now the meatbags can go to their deaths while BENDER is safe in the laundry brig....hey...how am I supposed to put my limbs on if my auto limb attacher cafoobler is disabled?...Aw crap.

*pans back to bridge*

Fry: I'll go tranquilize the wasps.

Leela: I'll go with you.

*they go to the hive which is just like the space bee hive, without the honey. A giant wasp flies over them, its leg knocking both over.*

Fry: You ok?

Leela: Yeah, but- FRY LOOK OUT!

* The tip of the wasp's stinger stings Fry in the arm, then stings Leela...over and OVER again.*

Fry: *clutching his arm* Leela are you ok?!

Leela: Make sure I die in a dignified position...

Fry: Don't die!

Leela: Too late! *she, well, dies.*

Fry: Noooooooooooooo!

*Bender finally got his limbs on and is running out of the ship*

Bender: Fry, you ok?

Fry: Does it LOOK like I'm ok?!

Bender: Hey, what are you-*sees Leela's mangled stung body* AUGHHH!! Leela's dead! Well, don't sit there cryin' Fry! Help me drag her body up the ship before YOU get stung...even more.

*Bender crams Leela in his chest cavity and they run up the ship and fly away, Fry piloting crappily*

Scene: PlanEx meeting room

Farnsworth: Ah, did you get my space wasp?

Bender: No, but Fry got STUNG by one!

Fry: And you KILLED LEELA!

Farnsworth: I what?

Bender: She's dead, you moron! *opens chest cavity, and Leela's corpse falls out*

Fry: Did you have to keep her in there the whole time?

Bender: You would have done THINGS to her body...wink, wink.

Fry: No I wouldn't!

Farnsworth: Shut up! We can all fight when I get a new captain! | And this one will actually have depth perception! Hermes! *he snaps his fingers, impatiently*

*Hermes walks in*

Hermes: Yes, Professa?

Farnsworth: The one with the gargantuan boots was killed on our latest mission. Schedule a meeting with the Human Resource Department.

The Listmaker
Urban Legend
« Reply #3 on: 09-05-2004 17:05 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2004 17:05 »

Wow, very nice start! Especially that each person got the exact characteristics as they were on the show. Bender is always good for tripple pay, Fry the moron, the Professor sends out crrews into their doom and Leela tries to make it as safe as possible but is blended by the tripple pay, too.   smile

How do you plan this story to be? Shippy, tragic, sad?

edit: I just read the 2nd part, sad so far, but still pretty hilarious  smile

However it'll be, so far it is fantastic.

« Reply #4 on: 09-05-2004 17:11 »

It's pretty shippy, but it should be very funny, too.  big grin

There are plenty of little easter eggs to keep the readers interested, and a cameo or two, aswell.

« Reply #5 on: 09-05-2004 17:17 »

Originally posted by Y_L_B: and a cameo or two, aswell.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President...

"Does not your scrotum need kicking?"

« Reply #6 on: 09-05-2004 17:40 »

Fic very cute, but I commend the use of GIRLY quotes in your siggy.

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #7 on: 09-05-2004 17:54 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2004 17:54 »

Originally posted by germanfryfan:
Wow, very nice start! Especially that each person got the exact characteristics as they were on the show. Bender is always good for tripple pay, Fry the moron, the Professor sends out crrews into their doom and Leela tries to make it as safe as possible but is blended by the tripple pay, too.     smile
*Geste-der-vollinhaltlichen-Zustimmung* (= I totally agree with that.)   smile

That story is wonderful, great, amazing and you two, Y_L_B and Young_And_Angry are both now among my favourite fan-fiction writers   smile

Leela: We're still not going.

Professor: Not even for... TRIPLE PAY?

*the crews pupils get wide*

Bender: *getting up, dramatic* To the flying machine!


*Hermes walks in*

Hermes: Yes, Professa?

Farnsworth: The one with the gargantuan boots was killed on our latest mission. Schedule a meeting with the Human Resource Department.
eek  cry

Click-able signature-picture below!

"PotM August 2004" & PEEL's unofficial Feministic Warrior
Pikka Bird: "you look like quite a sweetheart... with vibes..."
Ralph Snart: "TLL is kinda a legend around here"

« Reply #8 on: 09-05-2004 18:31 »

All righty, time for more fic!
Hermes: We don't have ah Human Resource Department.
Farnsworth: We used to! What happened to it?
Hermes: You sent the employees to their deaths after sending your previous crew to their deaths.
Farnsworth: Well, then, make a new Human Resource Department.
Hermes: But then, we’d need ta hire more people, and that would require a Human Resource Department.
Farnsworth: *sighs impatiently* Isn't there some sort of Human Resources requisition you could fill out?
Hermes: Yes. Why?
*Amy walks into the room*
Amy: Hey, what's going on? *She sees Leela's corpse by Bender's feet* Aw, did she get dumped, again?
Bender: (irritable/matter-of-factly) No, she was killed by a space wasp!
Fry: The Professor sent us on a mission to bring him a space wasp for his studies, and Leela was killed in the middle of it.
Amy: But what would he use the wasp for?
Fry: That's a good question. Nephew?
Farnsworth: Whu…Huh? Oh! Scientists believe that the Space Wasps' DNA contains some sort of strange healing powers.
Fry: Strange healing?! Wow! Does that mean that it might be able to bring Leela back to life?!
Farnsworth: No. No, it doesn't. Leela is dead and there's nothing you and your soft, soft can do about it. Quit being stupid.
Scene: Fry and Bender's apartment. Fry is sitting on his table/bed, crying, and Bender is watching TV.
Fry: I can't believe she's gone…*he stops crying* Wait! Bender, what did you do with Leela's corpse?!
*The camera pans to Bender, who stands up and opens his cabinet. Leela falls out and hits the ground with a mighty thud*
Bender: Right here, buddy.
*Fry walks over*
Fry: *sighs* Wow. She looks so natural… *he sniffs* Smells pretty good, too! Especially for being dead for, what is it? Three days, now?
Bender: *presses a button on what looks like a Plug-In on the inside of his door. A puff of fragrance shoots out* Ah… made for a woman, by a woman-oid life form.
Fry: Bender, do you have to keep her in there?
Bender: *sighs* I guess not. *He walks over to the freezer, takes out what appears to be Marilyn Monroe's body, and chucks it out the window. After a few seconds, you hear glass shattering, a child screaming, and then gargling. Bender shoves Leela in the freezer and turns around, looks at Fry, and smiles. Fry just looks at Bender in shock* Hey! Shut up, you! I threw out tomorrow's dinner so that your dead friend would be comfy instead of crammed inside of me!
Fry: *in a small voice* That sounds so wrong.
Bender: Yeah, but what'cha gonna do? *He lights and smokes a cigar* Aw… *he looks sad* Fry, I miss the extra weight. It just doesn't feel right. Can I keep Leela inside me for a little while more?
*There’s a few second pause*
Fry: That also sounds wrong. Well, I'll see you in a few hours. I gotta go take a whiz. *He gets up, scratches his butt, and walks away*
Bender: *puts his arms in the air* That's a yes!
*Phones rings, Bender picks up*
Bender: Yo. * Puffs cigar*
Farnsworth: Yes, Bender. Get Fry and come down to the office... I have important news. And bring that woman with the eye and the gargantuan boots. Bye
*Bender tosses phone down. *
Bender: Yo, Fry!
*Fry comes in zipping his pants*
Fry: Yeah?
Bender: C'mon, Captain Cataracts wants us at work
Fry: Why are you so excited?
Bender: *really excited and happy* Cuz I get to have Leela! *Crams her in his chest cavity, and giggles. Fry slaps his forehead*

« Reply #9 on: 09-05-2004 18:56 »

I'm sure its good, but it seems a little recycled from the show I guess, both lines and plot

« Reply #10 on: 09-05-2004 19:24 »

Ouch. Thanks for the constructive critisism and all, but we're well aware that the plot is similar to the Sting's, and we're not even half finsihed posting what we have.  big grin

Urban Legend
« Reply #11 on: 09-05-2004 20:26 »

I really like it. I'm morbid enough to find all the really sick stuff hysterical! The whole Leela-in-benders-chest-cavity bit is golden! Continue!

« Reply #12 on: 09-06-2004 01:00 »

Originally posted by Y_L_B:
Ouch. Thanks for the constructive critisism and all, but we're well aware that the plot is similar to the Sting's, and we're not even half finsihed posting what we have.   big grin

Its not just the plot, lines like "To the Flying machine", use of the one off gag Laundry-Brig, it would seem better to think of something new for those, and there were others.

Other than that you have captured the characters quite well
Guineapig Trick

« Reply #13 on: 09-06-2004 01:09 »

Cuz I get to have Leela

Is this appropriate for children?

Great work, Y_L_B, you have a head on your shoulders, you really do have the characters down well. Also [insert general compliment here]!!!!

Starship Captain
« Reply #14 on: 09-06-2004 06:15 »

Yeah, this is a really great story! Please continue!

« Reply #15 on: 09-06-2004 12:15 »

Originally posted by Guineapig Trick:
 Is this appropriate for children?
Doubt it, but what are ya gonna do?
More fic.

*Scene: PlanEx. Main room*
Farnsworth: And it turns out that Leela isn't really dead! The stings don't kill, but the venom puts you in a coma!
Fry: But I was stung, so why aren't I comatose?
Farnsworth: well, apparently, the wasp didn't sting you long or hard enough, so you didn't have as much venom as Leela. So she needs medical attention! Bender...
Bender: *behind Zoidberg, puts board with nail down* What? What did I do?
Farnsworth: Bender, we need Leela.
Bender: No! I like her in here! Feels nice. * Crew gives him sad and expectant looks* Oh, all right. *Takes Leela out and puts her on the table*
Farnsworth: Thank you, Bender.
*Scene: Hospital Room. Fry is sitting in a chair next to Leela, and Bender is looking depressed. Amy has a hand on Fry's shoulder, and Fry is spaced out. *
Bender: *Crying* I'll miss her!
Amy: Bender, she's not- Oh. C'mon Bender, I think I have a doll you can have. Besides, I think Fry needs a moment alone.
Fry: *Not talking his eyes off Leela* Thanks Amy.
Amy: No problem.
 Bender: *still crying* You really mean it Amy! Aw, thanks! *Hugs Amy*
Amy: *Nervous* No problem...*pats Bender's back nervously*
* Amy and Bender leave. Fry is now alone with Leela*
Fry: *quietly* Leela, I almost lost you one time, and I don't know what I do if you really died. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you all those times, and it makes me feel horrible that I couldn't save you this time. I'd rather be dead than have you be dead.
*Starts crying. Later, Fry has fallen asleep, and is still holding Leela's hand. Unknown to him, she squeezes his hand. *

Not alot, but whatever.

"Does not your scrotum need kicking?"

Space Pope
« Reply #16 on: 09-06-2004 12:28 »

That's so sweet! I love it. And I think that Bender needing to have Leela in his compartment is weird but oterwise oh how sweet! Nice job guys!

Bending Unit
« Reply #17 on: 09-06-2004 17:47 »

Nice fanfic, I will have to agree with Grim though. None the less it's still a nice fanfic.

Starship Captain
« Reply #18 on: 09-06-2004 22:11 »

great story! it's awesome

« Reply #19 on: 09-08-2004 15:39 »

YAY! More fan-fic! You know you all love me more.  wink I put SPACES between each line. *glares at Rachel, she storms off* You know I was just kiddin', baby!

*Scene: Amy's apartment, apparently her bedroom, as there is a bed with a pink blanket on it, and a teddy bear. Bender is sitting on the bed while Amy is rummaging around underneath it. All we can see of her is her butt and legs.*

Amy: Where is it?! Ugh! Dust bunnies! *coughs, then curses in Chinese* I really should clean under here more often...Ah! Here it is!
*She comes out from under the bed, pulling a box out. She has a piece of dust on her face and in her hair. She opens the box, and pulls out a large rag doll, resembling Marilyn Monroe. She hands it to Bender, who hugs it tightly*

Bender: Aw, she's perfect! *Hugs the doll again* Thanks Amy! * he hugs Amy*

Amy: *turning blue* Too tight, too tight!

Bender: Oh, sorry. *he lets go, and Amy falls to the ground, winded. Bender Smiles* hehehehe… *he drops the Marilyn Monroe doll on the ground, and shoves Amy into his cabinet.*

*Scene: Hermes' office. He is filling out requisitions*

Hermes: *Singing…or something* Fee diddly I...Fee fi diddly I.... I love fillin' out dese requisitions!

Professor: * walking in* Hermes! Are you finished filling out those forms for the Human Resource Department?

Hermes: Leela isn't dead yet, Professa. We don't need one yet.

Professor: Oh. Well, are you finished with my license to play God with animals?

Hermes: Professa, you didn't ask me ta do dat. Plus, those don't even exist!

Professor: Oh, yes...it seems I must have forgotten. Well, did I ask you to fill out a license to test on humans?

Hermes: Yes. *pulls something out of drawer* Here ya go.

Professor: Great! Now, come on, Hermes...

Hermes: *oblivious* Why?

Professor: I just...need your help.

Hermes: I'm not making ya go ta that bat'roo-

Professor: No, not that! I need your assistance in... an experiment.

Hermes: Alright.

*Later, what appears to be the Professor’s lab. The door is closed, but we can see bright lights come out from under the door. The lights stop*

Hermes: What ah you doin’? GAH! That’s me requisition arm!

Professer: Shut up, Hermes! * We hear a zapping sound*

Starship Captain
« Reply #20 on: 09-09-2004 04:40 »

Great story so far, please continue!  smile

Starship Captain
« Reply #21 on: 09-09-2004 18:26 »

You mock my name with your forced alliteration in the topic title!

Space Pope
« Reply #22 on: 09-10-2004 16:30 »

I really do love your story, I just want to know what's with Marilyn Monroe?

« Reply #23 on: 09-10-2004 16:41 »

@ Spacedal: heheh... Rachel and I have some strage obsessions that we've been told need to be taken care of by a shrink. These include, but are not limited to Random Marilyn Monroe-ness, Beatle Mania, Fryism, Eerie Futurama Fandom, and pens.

Space Pope
« Reply #24 on: 09-10-2004 17:43 »

I see. I too have weird obsessions that included talking to myself, hanging on my bed upside down waiting for the blood to rush down, and trying to get the right plots for my Futurama fanfics.

« Reply #25 on: 09-11-2004 08:55 »

Err... Those aren't really obsessions, Spacedal. More... hobbies, if you will.  smile

Anyway, more fic0r!

*Scene: Hospital. Fry is still next to Leela, and is very unkempt. Amy is there looking nervous and battered, and is holding a legal document up to Bender, who is drumming his fingers on his chest cavity, looking at Amy longingly. Hermes has some bandages and a cast on his arm. He has what looks like a dorsal fin on his head, and is looking at the Professer very angrily. The Professer is standing there sleeping.*
Bender Just one more time, Amy, please? You have such a small cute body that feels nice inside me!

Amy: No, Bender. If you do that again, I'm suing you. Now, can you just use the Marilyn doll?

Bender: Aw, fine. *mumbling* All she was ever good for was singing "Happy Birthday" to JFK, and being in that movie where her dress flies up. *Takes doll out of nowhere and crams it in his chest cavity.* Ohh, I feel funny! *giggles*

*Adlai comes in*

Adlai: It doesn't look very good. There's only a slim chance she'll come out, or she won't and will die soon. So, all we can do is-

*Fry slams him against the wall*

Fry: Do something, damn you! Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING!!

Amy: Fry, calm down. You beating him up isn't gonna solve anything, and it certainly isn't gonna help Leela.

*Fry drops Adlai*

Fry: I guess you're right. But it doesn't hurt to try...

Amy: Fry, don't.

Fry: Please?

Amy: *sighs* Alright.

Fry: Woo! *pounds Adlai* You jerk!

*Scene: PlanEx Meeting Room*

Farnsworth: Well, sense Leela isn’t coming out of that coma anytime soon, we’re going to need a replacement. Hermes, you’re going to have to set up that Human Resource Department.

Hermes: *doesn’t have the dorsal fin anymore, but a giant scar in its place* Right away, Professor. *he sighs and walks off*

Fry: What?! But… but… I beat up Adlai! He has to make Leela better! Or I’ll beat him, again! *calm* Quite a stress reliever.

Bender: *sheepish* Is it wrong to not want Leela to get better?

Fry: *Gasp!* Bender!

Bender: But she fits in there all nice… and stuff. She showered every day. She made my cabinet smell like pretty soaps. You know the ones I mean, the ones that are shaped like things?

Fry: Yeah! Like the ones in great aunt Gertrude’s bathroom that looked like candy, but you knew they were soaps. But still, you wanted to try one. Just one. So you did. But you couldn’t resist eating more! And then she asked where her soaps were. But you didn’t tell her that you ate any, but she STILL knew.

*Bender, Amy, and the Professor stare at Fry*

Fry: What? Why are you looking at me like that? Everybody does it! And the only reason she knew is because my breath reeked of lard.

The thing with the soap, believe or not, is from personal expirience. But there's NO WAY that it was mine... Or that Aunt Gertrude was really Perina Aloisa... Or that all of that happened when I was eleven...Nosireebob.

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #26 on: 09-11-2004 09:12 »

Originally posted by Y_L_B:
*Scene: Hospital. Fry is still next to Leela, and is very unkempt. Amy is there looking nervous and battered, and is holding a legal document up to Bender, who is drumming his fingers on his chest cavity, looking at Amy longingly. Hermes has some bandages and a cast on his arm. He has what looks like a dorsal fin on his head, and is looking at the Professer very angrily. The Professer is standing there sleeping.*
That's good ... better ... the best  big grin
Poor Amy and poor Hermes ... poor Fry ... and even more - poor Leela  hmpf
... and even with so much poor-ness it's still a great story with several funny moments  smile

Starship Captain
« Reply #27 on: 09-11-2004 11:07 »

poor fry   no no  great story tho  big grin

Space Pope
« Reply #28 on: 09-11-2004 22:20 »

Fry, poor Fry. I appluade (I know that's wrong) your story though. And Y_L_B, one time I almost succeded (Sp) in almost passing out with blood rushing to my head. I didn't but I couldn't move anything.

« Reply #29 on: 09-12-2004 12:20 »

Thanks for all the feedback, guys! @ Spacedal11: Interesting...
And, after much glareing, I put spaces in it, woo! More fic:

 *Scene: "Human Resource Department. Men's restroom now located outside"*
Hermes: *has, along with the scar, his eyes on stalks* Bring in the next interviewee!

*A man of about 100 walks into the room and sits down*

Hermes: Okay, mister… *he looks at paper* Smith. Why do you want this job?

Man: What? Where am I? I'm supposed to be at a job interview.

Hermes: *not amused* Next!

*Cut to next interviewee*

Woman #1: I love working! It's my favorite thing in the world! The SMELLS of work, the SIGHTS of work, the VERY TASTES of work! And I've wanted to be a Starship Captain since I was a little girl! *Crazy laugh, followed by cheesy smile*

Hermes: *wide-eyed* … Next.

*Cut to two hours later. Another interviewee*

Man #2: *breathy/perverted/sexually* I have a large collection of coasters.

Hermes: *head rested on his hand* Next.

*Cut to next interviewee*

Woman #2: *snooty* I'd like to have my servants come in and touch up my make-up. Every hour, on the hour.

*Hermes sighs*

*Scene: Lounge. Fry, Amy, and Bender are watching TV. We don't see what's happening, but we can hear an announcer*

Announcer: And, next week on X-Treme Starz, John DiMaggio's head!

John DiMaggio: Yeah, I like doin' stuff. Can't really do anything now, since I don't have a body...stupid crazed guy with his chainsaw. But I hacked off his legs before he got my arms!
*Giggles evilly like Bender*

Bender: You know what, I always liked that guy.

Fry/Amy: Why?

Bender: I dunno.

*Hermes walks in, covered with whipped cream. Crazy laughter is heard in the background*

Fry: Hey, Hermes! How that Human Resource-doodle working out?

*Hermes looks at Fry, menacingly*

Fry: *scared* Not so good, I take it...I'm gonna go see Leela. Bye! *Runs off*

Bender: *also scared* Yeah, I'm gonna go to...see if I can meet John DiMaggio and loot some stores. *reaches next to couch* C'mon, Marilyn. *Puts the doll in chest cavity*

*Farnsworth walks into the room*

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! We've found our new Starship Captain. Meet: Renee! *a wide-eyed brunette woman with a scary smile walks into the room*

Renee: *laughs evilly* I escaped from the hospital, just to work here! Hehehe.

Amy: Professor_ She looks_ evil.

Renee: I AM NOT EVIL! *she foams at the lip and tries to attack Amy. But the Professor shocks her with a metal prod before she can.*

Farnsworth: Don't mind that, I'm still training her.

*Amy, Fry, and Bender stare at him*

Farnsworth: Oh, fuff! What do you want form me?! She was the best candidate that we found, so we have to live with her. *he notices Fry is leaving* You! Where are you going?

Fry: *surprised* To go see Leela_

Farnsworth: *rubs his hands together and licks his lips*

*Scene: Leela's hospital room. Fry and the Professor walk in.*

 Farnsworth: Good news_ err, one! Leela's an organ donor!

 Fry: What's that mean? Something good?!

 Farnsworth: It depends who you ask! *he rubs his hands together and licks his lips* Oh, yes_ She's not well, either.

 Fry: Oh no! Really?

 Farnsworth: *downcast* No. I'm just being optimistic_

 Leela (v/o): Creep.

 Fry: Professor, is it true that when you're in a coma, you can still hear?
 Farnsworth: Wha? Why are you asking me?

 Fry: Well, I figured you would know. What with the eight comas you've been in since I've known you.

 Farnsworth: Oh, I guess. Who am I kidding? I don't know_ Fry, you know I barely remember dinner.

 Fry: You haven't had dinner, yet.

 Farnsworth: What, now? I'm bored. Let's go buy discount fruit.
 Fry: I'll pass, this time.

 Farnsworth: Suit yourself! *he slowly shuffles out of the room*

Fry: *kneels at Leela's side, grabs her hand, and smiles*
 Leela (v/o): Aw_ Fry, you're so sweet. 

 Fry: Leela, if you can hear me, I'm sure you're wondering if they still make that shampoo you like so much_

 Leela (v/o): Yes! Here it comes_

 Fry: _and they don't.

Leela (v/o): Crap!

Fry: But I had Amy look up the ingredients for me, and I made some for you. *he pulls out a bag of deep grayish-black goo.*

 Leela (v/o): Yay! You're DEFINATLY the sweetest guy I know! *she smiles* If only I were as brave as you and I could tell you how much I love you.
 Fry: *smiles some more, but drops the baggy* Uh-oh_ *the baggy hits the floor and creates a mini-explosion. He hangs his head* Oh_ *he leans in and kisses Leela on the cheek* I gotta go, now.

 Leela (v/o): Close enough. Next time you kiss me, do it for longer, and none of that cheek crap.
 *Fry gets up and leaves*

 Fry: Goodnight, Leela. *He turns off the lights in Leela's room*

 Leela (v/o): Why won't I wake up, already?

Space Pope
« Reply #30 on: 09-12-2004 12:28 »
« Last Edit on: 09-12-2004 12:28 »

Renee? Hmm where have I heard that before? Oh yeah! *Coughing* Midnight on a Fry-Day....my story.... wink

« Reply #31 on: 09-12-2004 12:30 »
« Last Edit on: 09-12-2004 12:30 »

EDIT: Oh! Renee... I've never read your fic. I just came up with the name from nowhere. Do you want us to change it?

DOUBLE EDIT: What's up with all of the underscores?

Space Pope
« Reply #32 on: 09-12-2004 12:37 »

Yeah I wanted to know what that was about too. ANd you don't have to change it. I was just pointing that out.

« Reply #33 on: 09-17-2004 16:46 »

Wow. It's been a while!

* Fry and Bender’s apartment. Bender is sleeping, as well is Fry, but not as peacefully.*
Fry: *Talking in his sleep* Shut up, Zapp.... Get away from Leela!
 *Fades into dream. Zapp is holding Leela, and she is clinging to him, and giving Fry an evil look*

  Zapp: Go away, hair ball-le. Leela is my woman.
Leela; C'mon, Zapp, let’s blow this Popsicle stand! *She kicks Fry in face. He wakes up, and bolts upright*
 Fry: Leela?! Oh...it was all just...a dream...I am NEVER eating Bender's cooking before I go to bed. Oh, God...*Runs off. Retching sounds are heard..*

Fry: Or EVER, for that matter... *he walks into our view* Who am I talking to?

Bender: No one, so shut up! I'm tryin' to sleep here!

*Fry goes into his room and flops down on his bed apathetically. He looks up and folds his hands*

Fry: God, I don’t ask for much from you…

Bender: I can STILL hear you!

Fry: Shut up!

*SCENE: Next day, Leela's hospital room. Fry is sitting next to Leela when Scruffy comes in*

Scruffy: I've never seen her so vulnerable…or ever before.

Fry: Scruffy, why do you care? Usually you just sit around reading porno, not paying any attention to us at all.

Scruffy: You're right. Well, I best be on my way. Oh, and being comatose ain't so bad. But it's either living or ending up worm chow.

Fry: Of course.

*Scruffy leaves. Fry gives a sad sigh as he holds Leela's hand.*

*SCENE: PlanEx Lounge. Bender and Amy are having a sword fight with plastic spoons. Bender flips Amy's spoon out of her hand.*

Amy: Gah! Guey tai ney da sa nai!

Bender: He he he! I win! Bender's great! Everyone sucks but meee! Play again?

Amy: Sure.

*Bender gets her spoon off the floor and they continue fighting. Fry walks in with his hands in his pockets and flops down on the couch.*

Amy: What's wrong, Fry?

*Amy receives death glare from Fry*

Amy: Bad question…but-

Fry: Can't I just do something without being questioned nonstop?

Amy: Yeah, but we care about you and we-

Fry: If you all care about me so much, why don't you leave me alone?! I'm going
to O'Zorgnax's!

*Fry storms out.*

Bending Unit
« Reply #34 on: 09-18-2004 00:28 »

This is quite a nice fanfic that you have here. Keep up the good work.

Starship Captain
« Reply #35 on: 09-18-2004 01:47 »

Awesome fanfic.Keep it up!

Space Pope
« Reply #36 on: 09-18-2004 14:30 »

Hmmm...not bad. The gags are (sometimes) an amalgum of other gags used in the series, but the others (Fry ranting about the soaps) are, for the most part, great. I must admit that the Bender/Leela/Monroe gags are kind of morbid, and the ship is a bit forced (Leela's "Close enough. Next time you kiss me, do it for longer, and none of that cheek crap.", and others--don't get me wrong, I'm all for shipiness, but this is a bit too straight forward for my liking), but for the most part, it's a quality fic. Sure, it borrows a lot from "The Sting" (although I assume that that was obvious to you two), but it's a nice read, so far. Keep it up.

« Reply #37 on: 09-19-2004 10:30 »

Thank you, Gorky! See, this is what we're (or I'm, anyway) looking for! Both people who love the fic, and people who say it could definately be improved. Which, I think we both know, it can.  wink This is by NO means a final copy.

Liquid Emperor
« Reply #38 on: 09-20-2004 21:00 »

One of my favorites! I was laughing hard at many times and.....stuff.
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