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Author Topic: Put your thumbs in the air like you just don't care (Movie Reviews)  (Read 27196 times)
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VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« on: 06-03-2001 03:03 »

Moulin Rouge=good.  I think this will be a movie that you either love or don't like at all.  Or perhaps you love it but are not secure enough with your manhood to admit it so you just say it was "ok."

Baz Lurhman (strictly ballroom, Romeo+Juliet) has a distinctive style, which I happen to like.  The creativity and enegery of the WAY he tells stories is a lot more important (and interesting) than the actual stories themselves.  It may seem kinda fruity and stupid when they start singing "old" 80s songs, but supposedly this is the way musicals were "back in the day": they used prexisting songs that the audience would know (and be able to sing along with) coming into the film for the 1st time.

Like I said the story is the classic, boy/girl love story.  The bad guy is bad (the duke "dum dum duhhhhh") and the good guy is good (christian, get it).  The plot is very predictable, but that is what they were aiming for.  That's not the important aspect of the film anyway.

The way it is shot is in a memory style, like looking at shapshots* of things that happened (*term borrowed from ebert there...).  I think its neat-o, but it also is sped up so much you feel like you are going to have a seizure or something.

The costumes and sets rocked.  straight up.  I'm all into that stuff nowadays and that alone would of been worth the $7 (haha new yorkers).

Ewan is a sexy bitch too, and he can seriously sing.  *sigh* he's dreamy.  Nicole does a good job too especially the scene where she is faking an orgasm while Christian recites poetry.  good stuff, trust me.

good movie.  4 stars out of 5, thumbs up, B+
Bovinatron

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #1 on: 06-03-2001 03:05 »

............chick flick
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #2 on: 06-03-2001 03:20 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Bovinatron:
............chick flick


yea? go to hell.  I don't go on your "guide to futurama thread" and talk shit about your ideas. 

seriously i went with my 3 guy friends and they all claim to be heterosexual (one even has a girlfriend!) and they didn't super-love it, but they gave it a favorable review.  anyway I'd rather go see this than a "dick flick" like Gone in 60 Seconds, or some other Bruckheimer blockbuster.

[edited to add...] One thing I left out above.  This movie is chock full of crotch. I think they had a crotch cam or something.  it's pretty awesome.  Can Can dancer crotch close up, girl groping man's crotch.  whores.  any man would love that
[-mArc-]

Administrator
Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #3 on: 06-03-2001 03:24 »

hey, i think it was a joke velour  ;)
i havent seen it (i think its not out here yet), but i might consider seeing it once i get the chance to.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #4 on: 06-03-2001 03:25 »

Shrek: Excellent.

Terrific voices, though I kept expecting the ogre to say "I ATE a BABY!

The animation: Unbelieveable. Looked almost more real than some live-action movies.

The story: It's the ultimate "screw-you" to Disney. I loved every minute of it. I saw the ending coming, but it was a really original one.

****1/2 out of *****
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #5 on: 06-03-2001 03:27 »

Shrek is good too.  Except princess fiona, she's drawn in a manner that is scary as hell.  And shrek is like 500 times her size making for some scary mental images of them having sex.  possibly no one else had this problem.  Too much info i'm sure huh?

FYI they are making a sequel but have not (yet?) asked the "celeb voices" to return.  We all know that its lame to get low budget actors to do animation sequels, and since Shrek is Dreamwork's biggest open to date (biggest gross total too i think...) i'm kinda surprised they haven't looked into getting the actors back.

 
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #6 on: 06-03-2001 03:38 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
Or perhaps you love it but are not secure enough with your manhood to admit it so you just say it was "ok."

Yup, that's me. Only I would lean more towards "good" than "ok". I guess I am only partially insecure. Some of the singing and stuff was kinda fruity. I guess that's too be expected, since it's a lavishly flamboyant musical type movie, but still, I think they could have toned it down slightly.

The directing was cool...some great looking, creative shots, plus the acting was good and what-not. I haven't seen Baz's other movies, but he seems like a Broadway-born version of Guy Ritchie.

Ewan McGregor is the goddamn man. Being the big critically acclaimed actor that he is, I'm kind of ashamed to say that until now, Star Wars is the only thing I've seen him in. He was really good in Moulin though...plus he just looks cool. Come on, he's Obi-Wan. He's a badass. Plus he can sing...say, they should make another Star Wars Holiday Special. Kidman was pretty good, and John Leguizamo didn't annoy me as much as he usually does.

As was said, the plot was predictable, but in this kind of movie it's not a bad thing. Here's hoping they make a sequel(even though it would be completely pointless and inappropriate).
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #7 on: 06-03-2001 04:25 »

Do you want to see the best movie of the year.  Hell the best movie of all time? 

Then don't go see "A knight's tale" because that movie is pure crap.  If you like history or literature in any amount this movie will probably piss the hell out of you.

Chaucer is a skinny oft naked guy in this film.  sucks.

Heath is sexy sure, but that is only fun for 5 minutes.  Not the first 5 minutes though cause at that point he still has some nasty long hair going on, making him look about 20 years older and 500 years nastier.

the girl he likes is the most shallow one dimentional person ever.  It seriously seems like she is playing Angelina Jolie.  And her costumes are more NYC runway by way of china, than whenever in europe this damn thing is supposed to take place.

the Queen "we will rock you" and other stadium favorites fall flat here.  They don't really fit with the the atmosphere.  The extras in this movie seem cast from an super bad backyard ren. faire

This is another corny jock movie.  I couldnt even enjoy the "period" aspect because it just seemed so thoughtlessly put together and gimmicky.  Moulin Rouge shows off great creativity talent and hard work, but a knight's tale just seems like it was written and filmed over a long weekend with bad actors
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #8 on: 06-03-2001 14:16 »

I didn't hate A Knight's Tale as much as Velour, but it was pretty bad. The out-of-place music didn't bother me too much...it showed that this movie wasn't to be taken as a serious period piece, but a "fun", exciting little picture about jousting. The problem is, the movie isn't very fun.

Nothing was believable in this movie. Most notably, the romance. Heath Ledger is supposed to be "good" because he sees the Angelina Jolie lookalike as a real person, while the "bad" guy thinks of her as just a prize. But how can Ledger think of her as anything other than a prize? She doesn't do a damn thing in this movie. She just stands around looking pretty, occasionally demanding Heath to do stupid stuff to prove his love. If she weren't hot, Heath wouldn't have talked to her in the first place. The woman didn't have a single ounce of character...how can I hate a villian who only wants her as a trophy wife, when all she is in the movie is a trophy love-interest?

I felt like all the plot twists were only there to make the movie longer. For instance, 40 minutes into the movie, Heath Ledger(I can't be bothered to remember any of the characters names) is ready to take on the main villian. But of course he can't take on the main villian, because then the movie would end and it would only be as long as an episode or "Roar". So what happens? The bad guy goes off to war. Seriously. I can see the filmmakers saying "Crap, we still need an hour of film here...ok, let's just have Heath act uncharacteristicly stupid so the girl will almost not like him. And then let's have him almost lose a jousting contest, but have him rise back and win at the last minute."

Other unconvincing stuff happens. Chaucer is horrible and WAY too naked. A blacksmith makes Heath some armor with the Nike Swoosh logo. The bad guy comes back and acts evil for no reason at all. At the end, everything turns out alright. Yay.
futurefreak

salutatory committee member
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #9 on: 06-03-2001 18:50 »

concerning A Knight's Tale: Heath Ledger is not that hot...ive seen him in 10 things i hate about you...ew...anyway, the only upcomin movie that i wanna see is evolution...it looks kinda good and funny...  :p
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #10 on: 06-03-2001 21:21 »

Evolution? Oh, you mean "Ghostbusters III: Men in Black".
futurefreak

salutatory committee member
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« Reply #11 on: 06-03-2001 21:24 »

hahaha...well it still looks good (in my opinion)  :)
Nixon+Morbo~???

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #12 on: 06-04-2001 01:08 »

Egon's directing it, and Dan Aykroyd is in it, I believe.

Anyway, about Moulin . . .

Haven't seen it.  Not Sure how much I want to.  In between Nicole Kidman and Christina Agularia . . .
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #13 on: 06-04-2001 01:44 »

guh Christina isn't even in the film
they dont even play that much of the song either
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #14 on: 06-04-2001 02:19 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
guh Christina isn't even in the film
they dont even play that much of the song either

Yeah, I didn't even notice them playing any of her songs. But then again I'm just not down with popular music.

The Moulin Rouge "Like A Virgin" thing was damn sexy though.
Chris

Crustacean
*
« Reply #15 on: 06-04-2001 11:40 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nixon+Morbo=???:
Egon's directing it, and Dan Aykroyd is in it, I believe.

Dan Aykroyd is in it, but Egon isn't directing it, Ivan Reitman is. The guy who played Egon is Harold Ramis. Just thought I'd clear that up.   :D
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #16 on: 06-04-2001 16:50 »

Evolution doesn't look very funny but I'll probably end up seeing it, because Mulder is cool, and the 7-Up guy is cool.
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #17 on: 06-08-2001 23:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
Ewan is a sexy bitch too, and he can seriously sing.  *sigh* he's dreamy.  Nicole does a good job too especially the scene where she is faking an orgasm while Christian recites poetry.  good stuff, trust me.

good movie.  4 stars out of 5, thumbs up, B+


gotta agree with you vf. my favourite scene is the 'like a virgin' with the duke.  it has everything, drama, comedy, death, predictable ending... loved it!!!!!!

rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #18 on: 06-08-2001 23:20 »

naah, naah... you wanna see the worst movie of all time? see the mummy 2. my friend bought me into it by tempting me with brendan fraser, and not even brendan can hold my attention for 2 hours. its action packed, but i found the action boring. Its the only movie i actually felt like falling asleep in, and I've seen some crappy movies. The end is the only bit that I found mildly interesting, and it was stupid and predictable.
D-  (im not kidding, it truly sucked)

FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #19 on: 06-09-2001 01:21 »

I didn't think Mummy 2 was THAT bad. It was pretty stupid, but it didn't piss me off like a lot of other movies. It's kind of sad that movies are so bad that I have to go around defending any movie that doesn't piss me off.

The special effects in the Mummy 2 were really bad...I can't believe this is the same company that did Phantom Menace and Pearl Harbor(my guess is that ILM put all their talented people on big movies like Star Wars, while they make the interns and secretaries work on crappy Mummy movies).

I hate wrestling with a passion, so you won't hear me complaining about The Rock's small amount of screen time. However, the special effects scenes with him as the Scorpion King truly sucked. They didn't even blue-screen his face onto the Scorpion creature, they just animated the whole thing. Why even bother hiring the guy? Just CG him through the whole movie(it's only like two minutes, it wouldn't have increased the budget too much).

Oh yeah, and Brendan Fraser sucks a [edited]. Monkeybone, Dudley Do-right, Bedazzled...it's actually quite amazing how much [edited] he sucks.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #20 on: 06-09-2001 01:23 »

I saw Evolution tonight, but I'm too lazy to review it...tune in tomorrow.
Nixon+Morbo~???

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #21 on: 06-09-2001 01:38 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by rach_the_tall:
naah, naah... you wanna see the worst movie of all time?

Battlefield: Earth.  No question about it.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #22 on: 06-09-2001 02:03 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nixon+Morbo=???:
 Battlefield: Earth.  No question about it.

I know it's lame to post only with a smiley face, but there's something I gotta say:

:mad: "
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #23 on: 06-09-2001 16:14 »

I'm back from evolution with FishyJoe and here is where I pretend I am a film critic!

Evolution seems like the kind of  movie that would have been made BEFORE ghostbusters, not after. The special effects are a lot better, as you might expect, but the creatures just seem more unbelievable.  They look nice, but they are too colorful and toy-like to be convincing or scary in any way.  The movie is not scary.  The parts where something is jumping out at you are so annoying because instead of going for scary looking monsters, they went for ear drum shatteringly loud soundtrack.  I covered my ears instead of my eyes, and I didn't jump at all. 

The script was boring and seemed like it was written by a 13 year old boy.  I don't think that college professors (even community college) would speak like 13 yea olds.  "that's a big hole," etc. 

I thought the censored TV trailer bit was funnier than the actual words used in the movie.  I totally called the "surprise" ending, so either I am psychic or this movie was pretty lame. 

I guess the average person would find it funny though, cause all the hicks in the theater were laughing...
futurefreak

salutatory committee member
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #24 on: 06-09-2001 16:33 »

so overall was it worth the money to go see it vf?
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #25 on: 06-09-2001 20:51 »

Evolution wasn't funny at all, but I can't say I hated it. It held my attention, at least. It also wasn't scary at all. As Velour mentioned, there are like 10 moments where a creature jumps at the camera and makes a loud-as-hell noise. That's so overdone. Maybe it would be scarier if this movie were filmed in 3-D, but as it stands it's just annoying.

Also, she is right on the money when she says this movie was written by a 13 year old. There are way too many low-brow jokes, plus a good bit of extremely contrived exposition.

Orlando Jones is the man, and Duchovny is pretty cool too...it's too bad they were in such an unfunny movie.

I was surprised by the audience reaction...despite it's many corny jokes, the audience was laughing pretty hard throughout the movie. But then again, they also laughed at the American Pie 2 trailer. Maybe they were liquored up or something.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #26 on: 06-09-2001 20:58 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
I totally called the "surprise" ending, so either I am psychic or this movie was pretty lame. 

Quiet, you...I think that was the only time I laughed during the movie. And I don't know if I'd say you "called" it. It sounded more like a "hey wouldn't it be funny if they did this" type joke/suggestion. I was surprised that they actually went for that joke. I doubt it was even in the script...I'd bet money that Duchovny or Jones came up with that one.
Bovinatron

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #27 on: 06-10-2001 16:05 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
  yea? go to hell.  I don't go on your "guide to futurama thread" and talk shit about your ideas. 

seriously i went with my 3 guy friends and they all claim to be heterosexual (one even has a girlfriend!) and they didn't super-love it, but they gave it a favorable review.  anyway I'd rather go see this than a "dick flick" like Gone in 60 Seconds, or some other Bruckheimer blockbuster.

[edited to add...] One thing I left out above.  This movie is chock full of crotch. I think they had a crotch cam or something.  it's pretty awesome.  Can Can dancer crotch close up, girl groping man's crotch.  whores.  any man would love that


um....sorry? i was just joking around.  since i love movies, i give them all a chance and consider them all good until i see them, and Moulin Rouge looks fine.  i was most definitely not talking shit about your ideas, i was just making a playful comment regarding the movie and not your post. 

and about my thread guide thread, i started it late at night when i had an idea that i thought was good at the time, but then later thought it very optimistic to even consider the project underway.  i've been kinda nursing the thread and playing with ideas, but i do admit it's kinda stupid.

sorry about pissing you off

[-mArc-]

Administrator
Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #28 on: 06-10-2001 16:14 »

dont worry, she was more like pissed at something i added to your post (which is now gone  ;) )
I will now leave this thread as i can't even see those movies here for like 6 weeks after Velour and Fishy ranted about them ...  :(
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #29 on: 06-10-2001 20:03 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by futurefreak:
so overall was it worth the money to go see it vf?


if you want a silly movie to laugh at and maybe to see David D's ass for a solid minute, then go see it.  But i would say to go a matinee or something.  I didn't like it a lot, but I know a lot of people like silly movies like that, so... i duno.  it wasn't horrible.  maybe a C.

VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #30 on: 06-10-2001 20:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Bovinatron:
 um....sorry? i was just joking around.  ...

sorry about pissing you off


it's cool man.  I was just joking around too.  I don't get that mad about stuff anyway.   :) and mArc, your comment wasn't in bovi's thread, it was in response, and you should try harder to not be so lame  ;)
futurefreak

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« Reply #31 on: 06-10-2001 20:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by VelourFog:
 if you want a silly movie to laugh at and maybe to see David D's ass for a solid minute, then go see it.  But i would say to go a matinee or something.  I didn't like it a lot, but I know a lot of people like silly movies like that, so... i duno.  it wasn't horrible.  maybe a C.

ooh a solid minute! that's long...  ;)
Bovinatron

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #32 on: 06-10-2001 22:02 »

60 seconds is actaully a pretty long time to be looking at an ass.
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #33 on: 06-10-2001 23:15 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by FishyJoe:

Oh yeah, and Brendan Fraser sucks a [edited]. Monkeybone, Dudley Do-right, Bedazzled...it's actually quite amazing how much [edited] he sucks.



joe, ya gotta remember I went with my female friends to see the movie. its not the acting ability we were after...  ;)
although, i gotta say brendan fraiser is a crappy actor. The only movies I've seen with him in it that i enjoyed were george of the jungle and encino man. thats kinda sad.

futurefreak

salutatory committee member
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« Reply #34 on: 06-11-2001 23:15 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Bovinatron:
60 seconds is actaully a pretty long time to be looking at an ass.


haha sure is...anyone know how long that ass-stare was in Romeo and Juliet? (the old version)
Nixon+Morbo~???

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #35 on: 06-19-2001 01:34 »

Just saw Shrek tonight, and I don't regret spending the $7 dollars at all.  I was freakin' hilarious, and i had a good story line.  Eddie Murphey was good, Mike Myers was great (sometimes he sounded a little like Fat Bastard, sometimes a lot), John Lithgow was in it for all of like 10 minutes, so that was good, and I didn't really mind Cameron Diaz, although her character resembled her.  All in all, I'd give it an A.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #36 on: 06-19-2001 01:42 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nixon+Morbo=???:
I was freakin' hilarious, and i had a good story line.

Man, you are SUCH a shameless self-promoter.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #37 on: 06-19-2001 02:26 »

And now it's time to review Tomb Raider. A lot of people look at this movie and say "it's gotta suck, there has never been a good movie based off of a video game". But this movie has an oppurtunity to be better than Super Mario Brothers and Street Fighter. For you see, Tomb Raider isn't some bizarre japanese game with no plot--hell no, it's an american game with a lame plot stolen from other american movies. And breasts. That combination has the potential to be a fine action flick, but instead it ends up being the worst movie ever.

The plot was incredibly stupid. I know, I know, people don't watch action movies for the plot. But is a story that makes sense really too much to ask for?

Action scenes are also incredibly stupid. The introductory fight sequence was just Lara Croft training against a robot. How is a training sequence exciting? Oh wait, it's not.

Characters? Incredibly stupid. I wanted to stab them all. But unfortunately only one of them gets stabbed, and even that is fixed when Lara reverses time. Stupid movie.

Breasts. They showed more than I expected, but I think every 13 year old boy has already downloaded the good parts of "Gia" anyway, so what's the point in seeing this movie? And hey, what's with the padding? Couldn't they have at least given us "real" fake breasts? Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'll take silicone or saline over padding anyday!

I'd like to say more, but I would rather just put this movie out of my mind. It's time to let the healing begin. I urge you all to not only avoid this movie, but also to talk shit about it to everyone you know, even though you haven't seen it.
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #38 on: 06-19-2001 07:39 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by FishyJoe:

Characters? Incredibly stupid. I wanted to stab them all. But unfortunately only one of them gets stabbed, and even that is fixed when Lara reverses time. Stupid movie.


even laras butler, hillary? no hilarious one liners?
 I saw shrek too, and it was worth the money.
it was really entertaining and was quite funny. it is the greatest 'up yours' to disney and all of their moral, stereotypical movies. mike myers was good as the voice of shrek, although he did sound like fat bastard at times. eddie murphy was great as the donkey, he had a lot of good lines but he was sort of 'shreks sidekick' it was good mostly, but towards the end, it became a bit 'disney.' Cameron Diaz as princess fiona really pissed me off at first, but I got used to her. john lithgow was actually entertaining, in the short ammount of time he was in the movie. His knights were also really funny, and added comedy. The plot was good, but I dont want to give too much away.  :flirt: the animation was fantastic, its by dreamworks, so if you have ever seen antz, the animation is the same.
I loved going even before the movie started, because they had a harry potter preview, and I was hyper venitlating. I love harry potter, so dont diss if you haven't read it. They are acessible to Adults as well.. skrek an A and recommend you go see it   :)
*edited to change toy story to antz*


[This message has been edited by rach_the_tall (edited 06-20-2001).]
VelourFog

Space Pope
****
« Reply #39 on: 06-19-2001 13:39 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by rach_the_tall:
 even laras butler, hillary? no hilarious one liners?
the animation was fantastic, its by dreamworks, so if you have ever seen toy story, the animation is the same.
1- the only person who is supposed to be "funny" is the guy who builds her training robots.  I don't know his name.  He is severely UNfunny.  He is so opposite of funny that the word "opposite" loses all meaning.

2- Shrek is by dreamworks, but it is not the same animation as Toy Story.  Shrek is made by Pacific Data Images (PDI)  -they also did Antz.
Toy Story is by Pixar which was/is alligned with Disney.  Pixar did Toy Story (1+2), A Bug's Life, and the upcoming Monsters, Inc.

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