Bender´sRevenge
Bending Unit
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« Reply #480 on: 01-10-2008 01:03 »
« Last Edit on: 01-10-2008 01:03 »
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With a large amount of modesty, I present to you, the members of PEEL, the opening stinger of my first ever Futurama story, Leela versus the Volcano.
Enjoy!
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Space freighters, star ships, and star sedans whizzed along the interstellar freeway past the exit for a lesser used space farm route. Traffic moved smoothly save for the one man cruising slowly on his cell phone in the fast lane. A sputtering space chicken truck drifted by the exit’s lone establishment, an Intergalactic House of Pancakes, and pulled onto the highway. The parking lot was full, thanks mostly to an off-green spaceship taking up half the spaces.
Inside, the restaurant buzzed with humans, humanoids, and non-humanoids eating, talking, or going about their jobs. In the kitchen, a large gelatinous-blob handled multiple pans and cookware with his tentacles. A greasy apron covered his lower half; a trucker hat with alien symbols capped his ‘head’; and an unlit cigarette hung from his mouth-area.
“Where’s my order for table thirty-two?” demanded a human waiter.
“I told you,” grumbled the blob. “We’re waiting on the shipment of meatloaf to come in.”
“Well, can’t you substitute something else? They’re in a hurry!”
“If you insist,” the blob said before grabbing a frying pan and raising it over the waiter’s head. The door to the kitchen swung closed just before a loud metal clang reverberated out into the dinning room.
At the beverage station, a four-armed Neptunian waitress passed the pots of regular and decaf coffee before grabbing the pot of radioactive blend. Pouring the green glowing bubbling liquid into a heavily shielded to-go cup, she dropped it off at the table next to the one whose patrons were having a minor argument.
“I stole it! We made it off the planet! It was rightfully mine!” Bender said rising out of the booth slightly. His glare and exclamations were clearly directed towards Leela.
“Don’t quote interstellar law to me, Bender,” she replied from the opposite side. “But I had to turn you in for the reward money to pay for dinner…”
Bender slumped back down into the booth, crossed his arms, and looked away. “Lousy mammals and your need for nutrients…”
On cue, their waitress arrived at their booth. Aside from her classic uniform, apron, and hairnet, she looked just like a normal disgruntled space chameleon ready to take their order.
“What can I get’cha?” she rasped before her tongue whipped out of her mouth and plucked an unfortunate fly from the air.
“I’ll take a keg of what ever you have on tap,” Bender said still miffed.
“And I’ll have a syntho-omelet salad, hold the syntho-croutons, and sub snytho-ranch dressing,” Leela said.
The waitress rolled her eyes independently before addressing Fry, who had been absorbed by the menu in the corner of booth.
“And for you, sir?”
“I’m not really in the mood for pancakes,” the red-headed delivery boy said drawing partial looks of shock from his coworkers. “Do you have any specials?”
“The chef just started a fresh batch of meatloaf,” the waitress said with an annoyed sigh. “It probably won’t kill you.”
“Okay, I’ll take that… And a side of pancakes.”
A bell dinged from the kitchen followed by the muffled shouting of the gelatinous blob, “Order up on table thirty-two.”
Cue Opening Credits
Edit: Score! TOTPD!
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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I don't suppose anyone would want to read a sequel to Blame it on the Brain?
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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Well okay... It's not needed. I said I'd never do it. It'll probably suck... but nevertheless... Coming not any time soon... or possibly ever.
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Ralph Snart
Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
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Originally posted by coldangel_1:
Well okay... It's not needed. I said I'd never do it. It'll probably suck... but nevertheless...
The only thing that sucks on this board is some of the denizens that reside in "Off-Topic". Coldy, you're not capable of sucking, either figuratively or literally. Anything that you do will be gold. Besides, writing it (complete with artwork) will keep you off the streets at night.
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SonicPanther
Professor
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Coldy, if you don't write this fic right now I will lose all respect for you and punch you. The poster is just...
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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Originally posted by Archonix: If you never do it, at least we got an awesome picture out of it. The image does not necessarily represent the content of the written work, which is only in the very preliminary stages. Originally posted by THM: you tied things off really well at the end - the brains are dead, Fry has Leela, the world's safe, the end. But hey, if you do have an idea burning up your brain... Yes, blame it on my brain. I always have ideas, curse it... Even when I'd made a solid decision to stop with the fanfic crap. The story did tie up neatly, and it can stand alone in its own right, but I've an odd capacity to stoke flames into even the coldest of tales. Originally posted by Ralph Snart: The only thing that sucks on this board is some of the denizens that reside in "Off-Topic".
They also blow. Originally posted by Bendersfan1221: I don't know how you could top Blame It On The Brain Me either. I probably can't. But I could get close. Originally posted by Archonix: it'll certainly be interesting to see how you can possibly top that one. See above. Originally posted by SonicPanther: The poster is just... Thanks, I drew it while I was on the toilet. Originally posted by Sine Wave: Well duh. Spluh!
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wu_konguk
Urban Legend
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Since I don't know if I will complete this fic or not I figureded this would be the best place to post the start of it.
Been a fair while since i did some writing so this maybe something to just get the creative juices flowin. The main reason I say that is becuase it is an idea that has been used of various shows before (I can think of four off the top of my head). It was really something that came into my head while bathing so I thought I would at least get it down. Any thoughts are welcome (incidently I don't do comedy well and I know it)
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In Black and White by wu_konguk
“Hey....Wake....up”
“Come o..man ...ke..up”
“He took a big hit form the Venusian slug”
“Wake up Mr Fry”
“Maybe we should just take all his stuff”
“Wake up Mr Fry”
“Wait Bender, I'm fine don't steal my stuff”
“Mr Fry calling someone a Bender where I come from is quite rude....must be one of your characters I suppose. Increase the dosage.”
“Dosage? What happened to me? Where am I?”
“One thing at a time Mr Fry, this is the first time we have been able to get through to you. We don't want to over load, that might send you mind further than we can get to.”
“WHY CAN'T I SEE?”
“Mr Fry you have not used your eyes in very long time. Give it time, your sight should return, the same goes for your muscles. For now I suggest you try to relax. I have a feeling our work will take a long time”
“Where is Leela?”
“......A very long time”
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It was hard to tell how long it took for his eye sight to fully return, he could only really measure by how many times he heard the nurse changing his various drip bags. He had lost count at four. Slowly his vision began to return, greyish shapeless blobs began to take more human form but the colour was taking much longer to return. His body was taking much longer to return but he did enjoy the soft touch of the nurses hands as she applied his physiotherapy
One morning a still out of focus nurse came in but certain things were becoming easier to see like her long fringe that hung lankly over the side of her face. There was something so familiar about her hair and the general look of her body, she was certainly generously proportioned. Then hope sprang into his heart. He knew who this person was, she must of come to get him out of this alien trap.
“Leela thank God you're here” He cried, his voice trembling with happiness “You've come to rescue me right?”
“I'm sorry darlin” Her thick southern accent crushed Fry's elated hope “I think your getting me confused with someone else. But good news, the Doctor thinks these new rounds of drugs are doin the trick and we'll be starten your therapy in a couple of days”
“Therapy? For what?” Fry felt more confused with each passing moment.
“You poor darlin, we all knew the cryogenics firm was a bunch of con artists and they've hurt so many people. Now we've got to clean up the mess”
“Con...artists? But I fell in by accident”
“And that's what makes your case even sadder” The nurse sounded genuinely upset by what had happened to Fry, he may have taken comfort in this but all he felt was a bubbling anger.
“WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?” He yelled trying to lift his body up to make himself more imposing but his body still would not respond.
“The Doctor though this might happen” The nurse sighed “I think you need some more rest before seeing the Doctor later” The nurse moved over to Fry's bed and moved her hands to something Fry could not see.
“WHAT ARE...You..do.....ng?” Fry felt the black and white world slip away from him again. He prayed with every ounce of his soul that when he open his eyes again he would be staring into the single eye of the woman he loved.
to be continued
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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Oooh. Like to see where that goes.
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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No progress on the fabled sequel to Blame it on the Brain. I've been busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad.
But one thing's for sure - if and when I ever get around to it, it will certainly be inferior and will tarnish the original. I'll make sure of it.
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SpaceCase
Liquid Emperor
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Originally posted by Zed 85: Ah, re-writing, always fun.... OY!Don't I know it! Originally posted by Zed 85: Reminds me that I'm still re-writing my "first" Futurama fanfic if certain people still remember or care... I know the one! IIRC, When your beta-readers (who will remain anonymous ) finished with it, you decided it needed major surgery a make-over a re-wite. Originally posted by Zed 85: ... (it has been going for a excedingly long time) This, I understand. I've been working on a 'fic since '03, and have come to despair it will ever see daylight. [* Heavy Sigh*] Ah well: It's no one's problem but my own. I think it was our own Kif White who had a few chioce words about why we write fic's: It's a labor of love. In my case? I think it's that... nasty streak of masochism... Originally posted by Zed 85: I've been trying to cut back on a whole load of flab by effectively starting from scratch... Ouch. According to Syd Field (whom I have cited far too man times on this board), writing IS re-writing. The important thing is to get the story out of your head and on to paper- uh... or... computer memory as the case may be... the rest is development. Some movie scripts have taken TEN YEARS to get from the writer's brain to the silver screen. Don't sweat it. Y' can't rush creativity. Originally posted by Zed 85: And now, on word count, the story is even longer! Good for me! HUH? How'd that happen? Whatever. As long as you're pleased with it. Originally posted by Zed 85: I'll finish it sometime this year, I guess... No one says you're "on the clock!" If there's anything I may do for you, I'm only an e-mail away.
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JBERGES
Urban Legend
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Space Case: If you want to finish a fic you're jammed on, my advise has always been tune up the beginning section as best you can, then start posting it piece by piece in a thread. Two things will happen. One, you'll want to keep updating, which will motivate you. Two, you'll get some feedback which will help you along the way. Just my opinion, of course. I've posted fics before I knew the ending, it adds to the fun.
That said, I'm currently stuck reworking my second fic. As stated, It's my least favorite by faaaar, and it's tough to make it better. Also, my life got hectic, as some of you know.
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Zed 85
Space Pope
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« Reply #515 on: 01-31-2008 14:20 »
« Last Edit on: 01-31-2008 14:20 »
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Cheers for the comments, everyone Although a rewrite would mean I could also redo some art I created last time. Well if you need a someone who is know for being succinct just holler.
I'd like that very much - I loved the picture you drew last time, plus I've love your opinions, certainly, 'specially on being more succinct. @Venus and SpaceCase: Da, I'm writing it from scratch. Well I made the decision some years ago and it's taken me this long...gah... I sort of felt the need to go back and write it differently. As such some things happen exactly the same (storyline wise) but others don't. Sometimes I'm reading through it and thinking "this just should be different". Furthermore I am chopping off a huge amount of the non-canon POV stuff, but I feel I have to add more to the non-canon characters to get them to appeal as interesting. But it's all very good with me saying "I think I should write it like this instead" but if it's lost all its charm and is too wordy then I haven't achieved anything. One thing I am happy about is that part of the story briefly deals with, while hiding in the mountains, Amy stumbling across a waterfall a distance to the west that I just thought up there and then. I explore the real mountains in Google Earth, find an appropriate place for them to hide, check the surroundings about to adapt the story into and a distance to the west is a ficking waterfall! Anyway, I'm still chugging through Act II - still a little bit off of finishing it, but I could send out what I have already if people are interested?
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Archonix
Space Pope
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« Reply #516 on: 01-31-2008 18:19 »
« Last Edit on: 01-31-2008 18:19 »
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Without wanting to sound spammy there's probably a few people who are willing to read and very carefully take your writing apart over on TSFFC. Yes, it is my site. No, they don't treat me any better than they treat anyone else because of that. if you can rouse their interest they'll offer you a great many tips and suggestions and all sorts of wonderfully painful crit. [/advert]
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