Out of Africon 9

[on:]

Hiya guys.  Here's my little fanfic.  I'm going to be putting it up a bit at a time so you don't have to wade through the whole thing in one go.  Don't worry, it's not too long.  Enjoy!

FUTURAMA
Hum theme music now.

Out of Africon 9

Historian’s note:
The events of this story take place at the end of season one.

"Good news, everyone!"    

Fry looked up from the game of two-player solitaire he was losing to Bender.  Bender, seeing Fry was distracted, whistled quietly and pushed his cards onto Fry's pile.

"Today we're going to Africon 9," continued the Professor, sitting down at his usual seat at the head of the Planet Express conference table.

"Oh, I've heard of that planet!" said Leela. "DOOP has protected the entire world as one giant zoo."

"I thought no one was allowed on Africon 9 because the ecosystem is so fragile," said Amy, looking and sounding confused. "Even the slightest interference could be disastrous."

Fry, now even more confused than Amy was, turned to the Professor. "So we're not going to interfere?"

The Professor rubbed his hands together happily. "Oh, Lord, yes," he said gleefully. "We're going to interfere a lot. We have to deliver a very rare animal for the breeding program."

Bender looked up. "Rare?" he said. "We're delivering a smart Human?"

"No," said Farnsworth. "Those are only rare on Earth. We're delivering a Purple Fruit Snake."

Bender sat bolt upright at the news and spat out a mouthful of warm beer. "Ai! Those are dangerous!"

Professor Farnsworth dismissed Bender with a wave of his hand. "Oh, nonsense," he said. "They're only dangerous if you're a strappleberry." Suddenly thinking that there was a small possibility that the robot beside him WAS a strappleberry, he leaned over, sniffed Bender's metal head, then licked his cheek. "Nope, you're a robot. You'll be fine."

He stood, pushing his chair back. It squealed across the floor. "Zoidberg is giving the snake a check-up now."

***

Dr Zoidberg looked up as the door to his office slid open. "Hello Humans and assorted creatures," he said, raising his claws and smiling behind his tentacles.

"How's the snake, Zoidberg?" asked Farnsworth.

Zoidberg looked at him blankly for a moment. "The snake? Ah yes, the snake!" Zoidberg waddled around to the other side of the examination bench. The snake laying on it turned its head to follow him. "Apart from being pregnant, the snake's fine."

The Professor shook his fists angrily. "Oooh, Zoidberg you fool, the snake's a male! How could he be pregnant?"

Zoidberg stepped back in fear and raised his claws to cover his face. "It wasn't me this time, I swear!"

"Professor, how are we going to get the snake to Africon 9?" asked Amy.

"In a box," said Farnsworth, holding out his hand, palm up. On his palm sat a tiny, intricate model of a box, folded out of a delicately patterned paper.

Leela leaned forward to look at the tiny box. "You're going to put that ginormous snake in that teeny box?"

The Professor peered at the box on his hand. "Oh, my no," he said. "We're using that box over there." With his other hand, he pointed at a much larger box next to the far wall.

"So what's with the little box?" asked Fry.

"I was bored last night and I was thinking about origami," explained the Professor. "Bender, put the snake in the box."

"What?!" exclaimed Bender. "Why me?"

"You're the only one strong enough to lift the damned thing," said Farnsworth.

Bender sighed heavily and stepped forward reluctantly. "Aw, there better be a good reason why we're not using the anti-grav," he said.

"Oh, there is."

"What is it?"

"I lost it," said Farnsworth. He turned to the others. "Fry, Leela, Amy, come. We must prepare the ship!"

As the three Humans and one cyclops left Zoidberg's office, the snake turned its great purple head to Bender and licked its lips with a sharply forked tongue.

"Oh, he likes you!" orgasmed Zoidberg.

***

[Reply #1 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tiberius:Suddenly thinking that there was a small possibility that the robot beside him WAS a strappleberry, he leaned over, sniffed Bender's metal head, then licked his cheek.

Heheheh...cute.


 

"I was bored last night and I was thinking about origami,"

I don't know how in character this is, but it's funny.

 

"Oh, he likes you!" orgasmed Zoidberg.

  I think you mean "ejaculated".

All in all, quite funny and adorable. I diggeth, and welcome to PEEL.

[Reply #2 on:]

where is the rest of it? When you first posted it there was quite a bit more. You left out my favorite part!

[Reply #3 on:]

You should've posted the story on the Fanfic release date thread, but good fanfic.

[Reply #4 on:]

I meant to say orgasm.  That's how happy he is.

Don't worry, the rest of it will be up very soon.  I'll put the next bits up for you now.  Here 'tis.

Venus, which was your favorite part?

***

After three days of travel, two if you didn't count the delay caused by Fry holding the map upside down, the delivery crew of Planet Express arrived at the planet Africon 9. It was a green planet, covered by lush tropical rainforests, drier savannas, and arid deserts. Sensors indicated that there was an above-average number of insect species living on the planet, and as such, Zoidberg was anticipating a feast.

Leela leaned over to the control panel and activated the intra-ship intercom. "All hands, prepare for touchdown," she exclaimed glancing at the numbers counting down to landing. "Planetary surface in fifteen seconds! Ten...nine..."

The Planet Express ship lurched as it slammed heavily into the ground. Through the windows, they could see a great cloud of dust and gravel that spread out over the landing pad.

"Leela!" Fry glared at her.

"Sorry," said Leela sheepishly. "I was looking at the wrong clock. THIS one's the landing countdown."

"Which one were you looking at?" asked Fry.

"The oven timer," Leela told him.

There was a distant DING and they heard Zoidberg cry out with joy from the galley. "Hooray! The potatoes are done!"

***

The crew filed out, descending the steps along the forward landing leg.  The air was hot, and the glare from the twin suns hit them hard.  Bender pulled out a pair of tinted glasses, focussed the suns through the lenses, used the beam to light a cigar, then slipped the dark glasses over his ocular mask.

There was the hum of an anti-grav motor, and they saw a jeep pull up.  The driver was a man wearing a safari outfit, and beside him was a head in a jar.  The man got out, went around to the passenger side, picked up the head, and carried it over to them.

The head in the jar was female, with brown eyes and hair that would have hung just below her shoulders if she’d had them.  “Hi,” she said.  “I’m Saba Douglas-Hamilton’s head.  Welcome to Africon 9.  Make sure you stop and visit our gift shop.”

Fry lifted a hand in a wave.  “Hi,” he said.  “I will.”

Zoidberg made a series of lazy circular movements with a claw.  “Greetings…”  He looked around with mild curiosity.

“We have your snake,” said the Professor as he stepped forwards.  “Where do you want him?”

Saba’s head pointed with her chin towards an old battered hover truck that was splattered with a few years’ worth of mud and animal droppings.  There was some kind of plant growing from under the rear anti-grav.  “In the truck over there,” she said.

Farnsworth turned to Bender, who was struggling under the weight of a box full of adult Purple Fruit Snake.  “Put it in the truck, Bender!” he yelled.

Bender toiled with the box and half carried-half dragged it.  “I’ll tell you where I wanna put this thing,” he grumbled, his vocal volume turned down to near minimum.  As he drew next to the rusty tailgate, the driver’s door opened and Sal stepped out.

“Heres,” said Sal.  “Just puts it ins the backses.”  He pressed a switch and the tailgate swung down with a squeal that sent everyone’s hands up to their ears.  Together, Sal and Bender pushed the snake box onto the truck.  As they closed the tailgate, the snake’s tongue emerged and licked at Bender.  “Ohs!” said Sal happily.  “He likes yous!”

“Yeah, well I hate him!” said Bender angrily.  He went back to the others, puffing on his cigar and occasionally looking back over his shoulder at the crate on the back of the truck as it slowly drove away.

“Bender,” asked Amy, “why do you hate the snake?”

“Yeah man,” said Fry.  “The snake’s cool.”

“I was eaten by one of those damned things on Vergon 6,” Bender said.

Leela’s eye lit up.  “That was the mission I found Nibbler!” she exclaimed happily.  “Isn’t he cute?”

“Aw, crap,” Bender muttered to himself.  “I was eaten, which was bad for me, and she found Nibbler, which was good for her and bad for me.  No, nothing bad for her.”  He fumed for just a second longer, and then he realised that something DID happen to her.  “Hey Leela,” he said loudly, “wasn’t that also the mission when you did the hippity-dippity with Zap Branigan?”

Leela glared at him, and Bender chuckled.

“Would you like to see the breeding enclosure we’ve set up for the snake?” asked Saba’s head.

“Sure,” said Fry.  “I’ve always been interested in breeding.”

“Yes,” said the Professor.  “I too have had a long standing fascination with the reproductive arts.”

Bender puffed on his cigar and flicked a small pile of ash onto the ground.  “No way I’m going, meatbags.”

“I’m going to stay too,” said Amy.  “The ship’s the only place around here that I can plug in my hairdryer.”

“Zoidberg, are you going to come and keep an eye on the snake?” asked Fry.

Zoidberg made a dismissive gesture with a claw.  “Eh, he’s fine,” he said.

And with that, the Professor joined Fry and Leela in the back of the jeep, and together with Saba’s head and the man in the safari suit, they sped off with a cloud of dust.

And Zoidberg rushed forward to search for any small insects that had been disturbed by the jeep’s rapid departure.

[Reply #5 on:]

yay! happiness! Can't wait for more!

oh and my fav part was the whole "Hurray the potatoes are done!"

[Reply #6 on:]

Oh, alright, venus.  For you, I shall put up a bit more.

***

Saba’s jeep had followed the truck at just enough distance to remain clear of the cloud of dust, and they arrived at the breeding facility only a few minutes after Sal had unloaded the snake.  The snake, for it’s part, had been taken into the makeshift medical facility (a tent, inside of which was a table, a mirror, a box of hair net requisition forms and an inflatable duck) for a check-up.

Meanwhile, Saba’s head, carried by the man in the safari suit, was showing Professor Farnsworth, Fry, and Leela the enclosures they had built for the animals they had.  They approached a tough fence, behind which they could see a group of ferocious razor cats.  A number of them were swiping with their paws at small white objects on the ground.

“We’ve taken great care to ensure that our animals are mentally occupied,” said Saba’s head.

Fry pressed his face close against the fence.  “How do you make their toys?” he asked.

“We take newspapers and scrunch them up,” explained Saba’s head.

“And tie them to the end of bits of string so you can drag them around?”

“No,” said Saba’s head.  “That just scares them, and they hide in the corner.”

She led them to the adjoining enclosure.  This one was a marine habitat, home to a very large orange jellyfish.  A diver was placing small fishes in various places inside the enclosure.  “We also make it a bit of a challenge for the animals to find their food, by hiding it or making them complete a task to get their food.”

The giant orange jellyfish, apparently having decided that finding the small fishes hidden inside its enclosure was too much trouble, had decided to eat the diver instead.  Wrapped in tentacles, he was trying desperately to open the airlock.  Unfortunately, the jellyfish was too strong, and very shortly, he was no more than a dark blob inside the jellyfish’s membranes.

“Fascinating,” observed Professor Farnsworth.

The man in the safari suit stopped outside an empty enclosure.  Inside, they could see a thick artificial forest with fallen trees and numerous burrows.  “This is the enclosure we’ve designed for the Purple Fruit Snake,” said Saba’s head.  “We’ve tried to make the environment as stimulating as possible.”

“Ah yes,” said the Professor, looking into the enclosure.  “I see you’ve included a curved piece of metal.”  He looked at Saba’s head.  “To allow for the scratching of itches in inconvenient places?”

“No,” said Saba’s head.  “That’s the door handle.”

“Oh,” said the Professor.

A man in another safari suit came running up to them, breathing heavily.  He had a fearful expression on his face, as though he had been witness to something horrible and disturbing.

“Saba,” he panted, “we’ve got a problem!”

“What is it?” asked Saba’s head.

“There’s an animal in the food reserves!” the man cried.  “It’s eating all the animal feed!”

“My God!” gasped Saba’s head.

“It appears to be some sort of lobster-like creature!” said the man in clarification.

“Argh!” gasped Farnsworth.  “Zoidberg!  That fool!”

Saba’s head turned to him.  “You know of this creature?”

“Alas, yes,” moaned the Professor.

“Then you must help us!”

“No!” cried Farnsworth.  “I have to put up with that slob on Earth!  I came here to get away from him!”

“Then why did you bring him along?” asked Fry

“I was hoping he’d get himself eaten,” said the Professor.  “Many of the animals on this planet like seafood.  Sod it!  Let’s make our escape while he’s busy eating!  Back to the jeep!”

 “He appears to be immune to our laser fire,” said the man who had borne the bad news.

Leela turned back to him.  “Aim for the thorax!” she cried out.

Muttering angrily to himself, Farnsworth led Fry and Leela back down towards the jeep.

[Reply #7 on:]

Woohoo! Loved the visual gags with the animal enclosures. Specially the one with the kitties.

Shippy?

[Reply #8 on:]

Sorry?  Shippy?  If you are asking if this is a shippy story, then the answer is, well, to be honest, sort of.  There's a bit of Fry/Leela stuff going on, but I'm just developing stuff that started on the show.  Besides, Fry and Leela are meant to be.  I'm sappy.  I know.  But I'm not going to write a story just to have two characters making out or sleeping together or anything.  And I'll never have the last thing in a Futurama fan fic, because they never really did that on the series, and if I did it, then it would sorta ruin the feel of it for me.  Am I babbling?  I've been told I have a talent for it.  I'll stop now, and I'll put some more up tomorrow.

Ah, sod it.  I'll put up the next bit now.

***

Amy and Bender had picked up Zoidberg after the staff of the breeding program had captured him, and now Bender was driving, racing back along the rough, potholed road in a hover jeep.  A few miles back, Bender had started to rattle; apparently something inside him had come loose, but he had insisted that he was fine and he could wait until they got back to the ship before they fixed him.  Then, however, he had started quoting Shakespeare in a variety of silly voices, and he had begun rummaging around inside his chest cavity, hoping to fix the problem himself.  It had seemed to work, and for the moment, he was silent, but every few minutes, he would cry out to Zoidberg to deny his father and refuse his name, for now was the winter of his discontent.

“Discount tents?” pondered Zoidberg.  “Hooray!  I found a bargain!”  He wiped a small amount of slime from his tentacles.

“Ugh!” gagged Amy, sliding sideways to the far side of the jeep.  “Zoidberg, you are the most disgusting person I ever met!”

“I’m sorry!” wailed Zoidberg.  “But the mealworms were so warm and moist, and I was so weak…”

“I think we should have paid extra to have a Zoidberg-sized tank installed on the ship,” said Bender.  “I know a guy who can arrange an unfortunate pump malfunction.  And then we could have lobster puree.”

“Hey,” said Amy, suddenly sitting upright and pointing out towards the east.  “What’s that?”

“Oh, no,” said Bender.  “I’m not stopping.”

“It looks like predators,” observed Zoidberg.

Bender’s ocular units lit up.  “Oh!  Carnage!”

Bender pulled the hover jeep over to the side of the road, and the three of them stepped out.  The walked over to the animals Amy had seen, a group of emohawks that were strutting around, occasionally lowering their heads and attacking something.  As they approached, Amy let out a despairing wail.

“Oh my God!” she cried.  “It’s the Professor!”  She ran towards the emohawks, waving her hands.  “Get away!” she cried.  “Shoo!”

The emohawks merely looked at her and didn’t move.

Zoidberg reached up and lowered her hands.

“Ouch!  Watch it, Zoidberg, your claws are sharp.”

“This looks like a job for Zoidberg!” he exclaimed.  Scuttling ferociously towards the emohawks and making a strange noise (“Wub wub wub!”), he scared the birds away.  They waddled into the distance, looking back in fear and confusion.

“Wow, Zoidberg,” said Amy.  “That was impressive.”

“Thank you,” said Zoidberg, bowing deeply and sweeping out a claw in a dramatic gesture.  Amy jumped back out of the way.

“He’s only scary because he doesn’t wash,” grumbled Bender.  “I’d be scary too if I was smelly…”

Amy reached down and helped the Professor to his feet.  Amazingly, the emohawks had done very little damage.  Apart from a torn lab coat and scuffed slippers, the Professor appeared to be fine.  “Are you okay, Professor?”

“Oh yes,” said Farnsworth.  “I heal quickly, given time.  Luckily, the emohawks were gnawing on my artificial hip.”

Amy looked around.  Nearby was the wreckage of a hover jeep, but no other signs of people.  “Where are Fry and Leela?” she asked.

Farnsworth looked at her blankly.  “Eh, wha?”

“The uniclops and the moron,” elaborated Bender.

A look of peaceful realisation washed over the Professor’s face.  “Ah, yes,” he said.  “It’s all coming back to me.”  He smiled.  “I don’t have the foggiest.”

“What do you remember?” asked Zoidberg, laying the back of his claw against the Professor’s forehead.  He looked absently thoughtful.

“Well,” said the Professor, “I wanted to get back to the ship quickly so we could leave Zoidberg behind…”

“Aw,” said Zoidberg sadly, and his claw fell from the Professor’s head.

“…and to get away as fast as possible, I decided to drive.”

“But you can’t drive a stick shift,” said Amy.

Farnsworth nodded thoughtfully.  “Yes, that would explain the crash,” he said.

“So YOU crashed the jeep?” asked Bender.

Professor Farnsworth turned to the robot.  “No indeed not,” he said pleasantly.  “I crashed the jeep.”

“Ai!” wailed Amy.  “Fry and Leela must have gone off to find help!”

Bender sighed and shook his head.  “Are those flesh pillars TRYING to get themselves killed?  There are dangerous animals out there!”

“We must save them!” cried Zoidberg, raising his arm dramatically.

“No we can’t,” said Amy.  “Not now.  We won’t last ten minutes in this heat.  We’ll have to wait until evening, when it’s cooler.”

“Yes!” exclaimed the Professor.  “Back to the ship!”

He hobbled around to the far side of the jeep and sat down in the passenger seat.  He crossed his arms, and with a scowl on his face, he waited impatiently.

“Yeah, back to the ship,” Amy said to herself, following Bender to the jeep.  She looked down at her hands.  “I really need a good moisturiser.”

[Reply #9 on:]

Okay guys.  Here's the next part of my little story...

***

Meanwhile, several miles away, Fry and Leela were struggling in the heat.  Fry’s usually spiky hair was drooping down sadly over his eyes, and the scrunchy on Leela’s ponytail was melting.  She lifted her wrist and tapped the controls on her wristcomp.

“Can you get a reading?” Fry asked weakly.

“Sort of,” said Leela.  “But there’s a lot of interference.”

“What sort of interference?” asked Fry.

Leela looked at him.  “Jazz,” she said.  She tapped the controls, and sure enough, a soft jazz tune came out of the wristcomp’s tiny speaker.

Fry began dancing.

“Fry, stop it,” Leela scolded softly.  She turned off the wristcomp.

“Aw,” moaned Fry.

“It’s getting too hot,” said Leela.  “We’ve got to find shelter.”

Fry snapped his fingers excitedly.  “I’ve got it,” he exclaimed.  “We can build an ice cream parlour, and then we can go inside it and eat some ice cream and drink some ice cold Slurm.  Mmm…”

Leela sighed.  “An excellent idea, Fry,” she said, “but with just two little problems.”

“Oh?” Fry asked curiously.

“One – we don’t have anything to build an ice cream parlour with.  Two – we don’t have any ice cream or Slurm.”

“Oh,” Fry said sadly.  “Hey, there’s some trees over there that we can use for shade, and I got a pack of emergency rations from the jeep before we left.”

“Rations?” asked Leela.  “The ones Bender made?”

“Yeah,” said Fry.  “Shelter from the sun, Bender’s rations.  Beats a slow horrible death, right?”

Leela weighed the options in her mind.  “Bender’s rations?  Uh…er…um…  Oh, alright,” she said.  “Let’s go.”

They headed for the trees.  Halfway there, Fry decided to moonwalk the rest of the way.

***

Bender was driving again, and the road had only become rougher.  The potholes were deeper and wider, and the jeep was being thrown around fiercely.

“Oi,” cried Zoidberg, holding his claws over his head for protection.  “It’s so bumpy!  If I had teeth, they’d be falling out of my head!”

“Your teeth among other things,” said Bender quietly.

Amy looked at Zoidberg.  “You don’t have teeth?” she asked.

“More like a series of raspy files and combs that allow me to strain food from water,” said Zoidberg.

“Combs?” said Amy.  “Like what you use in your hair?”

“If I had hair, yes,” said Zoidberg.  He leaned in close and whispered into her ear:  “Why, does your hair need combing?”

Amy recoiled in disgust.  “Ugh, no!”

Zoidberg slumped back in his seat.  “Aw, so close to a meal…”

The road suddenly became smoother.  “Hey,” exclaimed Bender.  “Looks like we’re clear of the potholes!”

Farnsworth leaned forward and hit the robot.  “You missed one!” he cried.

“Uh oh,” said Amy, pointing as the Planet Express ship came into view.

At least twenty vampire slugs were gathered around the forward landing leg of the ship, blocking the steps that led up to the airlock as they sheltered from the midday heat in the ship’s shadow.  A few of them raised slimy heads as the jeep approached, and thick globs of mucus dripped off them, splelching onto the ground and splattering against the green paint of the ship.

“Ai, vampire slugs!” cried Amy.  “How are we going to get into the ship?”

“We can’t!” said the Professor.  “If we try to get past them, they’ll attack!”

Amy looked at him.  “And they’ll turn us into vampire slugs?” she asked.

“No, dammit,” said Farnsworth.  “But they will suck us dry and leave nothing but our floppy skins.  Only Bender can get past them unharmed.”

“I’m not doing anything,” said Bender.

“Why not?” said Amy.

Bender looked sheepish for a moment.  “They’re slimy,” he mumbled.  “I don’t wanna touch them.”

“Oooh, Bender!” cried Amy, fuming.

“Anyway, I’m busy,” said Bender.

“Doing what?” asked Farnsworth.

“There’s a souvenir shop I want to have a look at,” the robot said.

“Ah, going to buy a few mementos of our little trip, eh, Bender?” asked Farnsworth, winking slyly.

Bender looked slightly nervous, his ocular units glancing back and forth.  “Uh…yeah.  Sure.  That’s it.”  With that, he headed off, leaving round footprints on the ground.

Zoidberg rubbed his claws together gleefully.  “Oh, an article marketing facility!” he cried happily.  “I can stock up on medical supplies!”

Farnsworth shook his head.  “Medical supplies.  Dear zombie Jesus…”

“Oh, yes,” said Zoidberg.  “Napkins, flimsy cotton t-shirts that make excellent bandages, can openers, snow domes…  Oh, the possibilities!  Bender, wait for me!  I’m coming with you!”

He scuttled after the robot, leaving peculiar zigzagging marks in the gravel.

[Reply #10 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tiberius:
“Yeah,” said Fry.  “Shelter from the sun, Bender’s rations.  Beats a slow horrible death, right?”

Leela weighed the options in her mind.  “Bender’s rations?  Uh…er…um…

heehee genius!

[Reply #11 on:]

Yes I must agree....

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tiberius:

"Oh, he likes you!" orgasmed Zoidberg.

***

What the...?? I'll have to ask you about that next time we talk...

 

[Reply #13 on:]

Great story! It's better than I could do! By the way, welcome to PEEL Giggles and Tiberius! Continue with the story! 

[Reply #14 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tiberius:
“Ah yes,” said the Professor, looking into the enclosure.  “I see you’ve included a curved piece of metal.”  He looked at Saba’s head.  “To allow for the scratching of itches in inconvenient places?”

“No,” said Saba’s head.  “That’s the door handle.”

Funny! Funny to the max! 

... can't wait for more 

[Reply #15 on:]

Okay guys.  Here's the next part!

***

Leela stood at the top of the small rise where they had eaten their lunch, and she peered out towards the horizon.  The wristcomp was completing its scan, and was whirring softly to itself, thinking digital thoughts.

Fry, meanwhile, was behind the bushes on the other side of the copse of trees, violently throwing up.  He made a mental note to have a talk to Bender about his culinary adventures.

Leela turned to him.  “Are you almost finished?” she asked.

Fry lifted his head.  “Almost,” he said, then lowered his head and threw up some more.  “Okay, I’m done.”  He came over and sat down on the side of the hill.

“I’ve managed to compensate for the jazz interference, and I’ve got some good news.”

“Cool,” said Fry.

“I’ve located the Planet Express ship.”

“Cool.”

“It’s thirty miles away.”

“Dang,” said Fry

“And we don’t stand a chance of making it in this heat.”

“Dang.”

“And even if we try to make it at night, chances are that some wild animal will eat us.”

“Dang.”

“And if we wait here for rescue, we could be here for days.”

“Dang.”

“And we only have a gallon of water left.”

“Leela, are you trying to make me depressed?”

Leela looked at him.  “Oh, sorry,” she said.  “Anyway, the best thing we can do is to stay here and hope they find us before our water runs out.  We’ve got plenty of shade, and we’ll last longer if we don’t exert ourselves.”

“Plus, I’m lazy,” said Fry.

“Yeah,” said Leela.  “It works out fine.”  She sat down next to him.  A youth spent growing up in the Cookieville orphanarium had taught her to be self reliant, and she found it irritating to be in a situation where the only course of action was to take no action at all, and to rely on others.

For a long while, they sat there in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

It was Fry who broke the silence.  “I remember I got lost once when I was little,” he said.

Leela looked at him.  “Really?” she asked.  “What happened?”

“My mom came out and got me when it was dinner time.”

Leela’s mouth twisted in confusion.  “Huh?  Came out?  Came out of where?”

“The house,” said Fry.

“Your house?”

“Yep.”

Leela looked at him.  “Where were you lost?”

“The front yard,” said Fry.

Leela gasped.  “What?!”

“It was a very messy yard,” explained Fry.

“Did your mom know you were out there?”

“Yep.”

“Then why didn’t she come and get you earlier?”

“She thought I was playing,” said Fry.  He looked at Leela.  “Are you going to be okay, Leela?”

“Sure,” she said.  “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Cause you’re the action type,” said Fry.  “Right now, you’re all like, ‘I wanna run back to the ship,’ but you can’t do it.  It must be driving you mad.”

Leela’s eye opened wide.  Very rarely did Fry surprise her, but he had now.  She honestly hadn’t thought he was capable of this kind of insight, but now that he had shown that he was capable of it, she was actually rather pleased.  “Uh, yeah, actually,” she said.  “But I can handle it.”

“Well,” said Fry, “if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.  I don’t have that urge to always be doing something always.  All those years of laziness have finally paid off.”

Leela smiled.  “Aw, that’s sweet, Fry,” she said, and she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Fry’s eyes opened wide, and he reached up to rub his cheek.  “Wow,” he said quietly.

“Not sweet in a good way, though,” continued Leela.  “Laziness is not a positive attribute.”

But Fry wasn’t really listening to her.  The kiss had put him in too good a mood.  But if he had listened, he still wouldn’t have cared.

***

So far, it had been very profitable in the souvenir shop.  Zoidberg was absolutely thrilled with the quality of the sewing kits, and had decided that a nice red thread would make his sutures very snazzy.  And Bender had managed to fit more stolen goods into his chest cavity than he ever had before.  At the moment, he was looking over some souvenir spoons.

“Oh,” he said thoughtfully, “I could use one of these.”  He opened his mouth and swallowed the spoon.  The guards near the door glanced suspiciously over at him as the spoon clanged inside his chest cavity alongside a number of “Lonely Universe” guidebooks and a variety of fruit conserves.  He slowly moved down the aisle.

Zoidberg was looking at the selection of nail files available.  “My God, such a choice!” he murmured delightedly.  “How can I ever decide which one to get?  It’s a form of torture, I say!”

Bender leaned in close to him.  “Are you almost done?” he asked.  “I’ve got a lot of things that I really should stash somewhere.”

Zoidberg turned to Bender, holding up two nailfiles - one pink and the other grey.  “Tell me, robut, which one do you think is prettier?”

Bender sighed.  “I’m going to wait outside.”

He headed out the door, but the instant he set foot outside, a blaring alarm sounded.  The store guards, a pair of big beefy securitybots, immediately started towards him.  “Hold it!” they called in unison.  “Just stay right there!”

Bender’s ocular units widened.  “Oh crap,” he said, and he was off.

Zoidberg ran to the door.  “Wait!” he cried.  “You forgot to pay!”  Waving a thick wad of cash in a claw, he scuttled after the robot.

The securitybots cried, “After them!”  Then they sped off in hot pursuit of the robot and the lobster.

[Reply #16 on:]

yay shippy!

plus where did Zoidberg get cash? Let alone a thick wad of it?

[Reply #17 on:]

That's the joke.  Perhaps he sold some of the shares of Planet Express that he had, but then he went on a mad eating spree and spent it all.

Okay, I'm editting and adding the next bit of the story.  Nearly finished now...

***

Amy and the Professor had spent their time in the jeep, with the top up to guard against the vampire slugs that were still huddled in the shade near the Planet Express ship’s landing legs.  Unfortunately, the jeeps had very little in the way of cooling systems, and the Professor was beginning to smell a little strange.  So, Amy had wound the window down just a little, and she had her nose pressed to the small gap, struggling to get enough fresh air to breathe while remaining safe from the vampire slugs.

As such, she had a very good view of a very peculiar sight.  She saw Bender running down the road towards them as fast as he could go, and Zoidberg right behind him, scuttling at a remarkable speed.  Behind them were two securitybots, their wheels raising a mushroom cloud of dust.

“They’re coming!” cried Amy.

Professor Farnsworth jerked awake.  “Eh, wha?”

Bender and Zoidberg ran straight past the jeep and towards the ship, sending the vampire slugs crawling away as fast as they could, which, while not very fast, still gave Amy and the Professor the chance get out of the jeep.

Then, there was a cry of  “Follow them!”  The two securitybots rushed straight towards the ship.

Professor Farnsworth placed himself directly in the path of the securitybots and put his hands out in front of him, ordering the securitybots to stop.  “You cannot pass!” he exclaimed. The securitybots stood still, and a dead silence fell.  “I  am a servant of the yellow dentures, wielder of the penlight with dead batteries!  The programming shall not avail you, MS DOS.  Go back to the factory!  YOU CANNOT PASS!”

The securitybots moved up in front of the Professor.  “Let us in, you senile old man!”

Professor Farnsworth jabbed an index finger at the pair of securitybots.  “I may be old and senile, but I’m not…  What was the other thing you said?”

“Get out of the way!”

“No!” exclaimed Farnsworth angrily.  “I’m not letting you in my ship!  You’ll angry up the place.”

One of the securitybots leaned down and looked Farnsworth in the eyes.  “The law is on our side, old man.”

Farnsworth smiled.  “Actually, it’s on mine,” he said cordially.  And with that, he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and showed the securitybots.

After a moment, they straightened, and said, “Fine then.  You keep them.  But don’t you ever come back to Africon 9.”  They turned and wheeled away.

Bender’s head appeared at the airlock at the top of the boarding steps.  “Bite my shiny metal ass, losers!” he called after the retreating securitybots.

Amy rushed up to the Professor.  “Wow, Professor,” she said.  “That was amazing!  How did you do it?”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Farnsworth said shyly.  “I have complete control over who sets foot on my ship because a few years ago I had it legally declared a separate state for tax purposes.  Technically, I’m the king.”

Zoidberg emerged, scuttled down the boarding steps, and bowed low at the Professor’s feet.  “Thank you, Your Majesty!” he cried, and began licking the Professor’s slippers.

“Oh, stop it, Zoidberg,” said the Professor.  “That tickles.”  He pulled his foot away.

“Aw,” moaned Zoidberg.  He scuttled back into the ship.

“Anyway,” said Amy, “now that the vampire slugs are gone, are we going to go and look for Fry and Leela?”

“Well,” said Farnsworth as he and Amy headed for the ship, “I can’t think of anything better to do.”

[Reply #18 on:]

awww there wasn't any Fry and Leela in this bit. However the Lord of the Rings reference was pretty damn funny.

[Reply #19 on:]

Okay, here's the last part of this story.  it's a Fry/Leela bit just for you, Venus. :P

***

The heat had taken its toll, and their supply of water had not lasted as long as they had originally thought.  The gallon of water had been half exhausted, and Fry was beginning to get delirious.  Leela had spent her time using the communicator built into her wristcomp to try to make contact with the professor and the others.

“Leela to Professor Farnsworth?  Leela to Amy?  Come in, please.”  The wristcomp spewed static at her.  She turned back to Fry and sat down next to him.

“Why isn’t it working?” Fry asked tiredly.  “Isn’t the transmitter powerful enough?”

“It’s plenty powerful,” said Leela.  “But the batteries are nearly dead.”

“Do you have any spares?”

“No,” said Leela.  “I used those for the remote to my TV.”

“Did you ever do survival training?”

Leela turned to him.  “Fry, I had an office job,” she said, feeling somewhat irritated.  “I only had enough training to know how to protect myself from house owl attack.”

“Oh,” said Fry, and he fell back onto the ground.  For a long while, he was silent, and then he said, “What about at the orphanarium?”

“All I learnt there was how to make booze,” Leela told him.

Fry smiled.  “Mmm, beer,” he murmured.  “I could sure use some of that now.”  He reached over, picked up an imaginary can, and began drinking.

Leela looked on and shook her head.  The heat was really starting to get to him.  She reached out and pulled him close, hugging him tight.  “It’ll be okay, Fry,” she said.

And then her wristcomp burst into life.

“Amy to Leela.  Are you there?”

Leela let go of Fry, letting him fall heavily to the ground, and she activated the communicator in her wristcomp.  “We’re here!” she cried out.

“Great,” came Amy’s voice.  “We’re locking in on your signal.”

With a sudden roar, the Planet Express ship appeared from behind the rise and circled above them.

Amy’s voice came from the wristcomp.  “They’re down there, Professor!”

“Forget it!” came the Professor’s voice.  “I’m not stopping to pick up hitch hikers!”

The Planet Express ship, gleaming green with a highlight of red, settled in the knee length grass a few dozen yards from them.

Leela stood.  “Come on, Fry,” she said, helping him to his feet.  “We’re going home.”

“Guess what?” cried Zoidberg as they climbed the steps.  “I was right!  The snake WAS pregnant!  Maybe next time you’ll trust me.  ‘There were eggs,’ she said.  ‘Would you like one?’  ‘Of course,’ I told her.  ‘I’d love an omelette.’  And then I was being escorted away.”

“Shut up and get inside,” said Leela.  She and Fry stepped into the airlock, and the door closed behind them.


THE END

[Reply #20 on:]

Oi TIBERIUS! You didn't respond to my post!  *grumbles*

[Reply #21 on:]

*responds to Giggles' post.*

[Reply #22 on:]

Guys, I'd love some feedback on the end of this fanfic...

[Reply #23 on:]

I really liked the overall story and concept, but i'm sorry to say i was a little disappointed by the final chapter. You had this great buildup but you didn't do anything with it. When you posted the last chapter with the little note that this was the end of the story i was surprised because i thought you would need several more chapters to end everything. You had Fry and Leela on the verge of being in a very perilous situation but then had them scooped to safety. They still had water left, i was expecting something along the lines of them running out of water completely and being stranded for the night  (if africon's weather is anything like africas weather the nights should get very cold allowing for cute 'spooning' jokes for conserving bodyheat) And then they shouldn't have gotten rescued until after they had gotten themselves surrounded by wild animals or whatever. And it seems like the proff found them way too easily.

ick, if my ranting isn't making sense the short of what i'm saying is that it felt like i read the first two acts of a three act play. You left out a climax.

Now for a clever example, if your story was ET. It would be like having ET get picked up by his family seconds after having built the communicater. Meaning we wouldn't have gotten to see ET get sick, the police chase, or the iconic flying-across-the-moon sequence. The first 2/3rds of ET are awesome but you need the last third to finish it off.

Now for the praise. The jokes were awesome, everyone was in character, I'd love to read more from you.

[Reply #24 on:]

Thanks, venus.  I think the only reason I had Fry and Leela picked up so quickly was because I couldn't figure out a way to have just Fry and Leela together in a scene without it becoming all drama and boring.  Well, boring for a comedy.  but I'm glad you liked the jokes.   

[Reply #25 on:]

LOVED your fan fic. please write more!!!(if you have the time or whatever) I just wish there was more fry/ leela romance, but you pretty much met my needs

[Reply #26 on:]

I'd love to write more, but I have writer's Block!  (Ah, writer's block.  the only known cure for writer's cramp.)  If anyone has something they'd like me to write about, please let me know.  I can't make any promises though.