The Fanfic Glemmys: Fanfic Reviews

[Reply #40 on:]

I like your Fan fics Fryfan. I haven't read all of them but I've read a lot. I think the only fan fiction I got bored with was parts 2 & 3 of

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Michelle Strikes Back. No offense but towards the middle of part 2, it became predicable and not surprising. And by part 3, it was pretty much the same thing. Although I really enjoyed part 1.

TOTPD!

[Reply #41 on:]

Thank you Spacedal11, in response, I guess that just proves that the original of any trilogy is usually the best of the three.  Oh well, what are you going to do?

Hope to hear your thoughts on other fanfics.

[Reply #42 on:]

Has anyone read my Fry-Trix series? Any sort of critisism would be nice. I realized that I made a mistake with the ending of the sequel. If I could go back, I would've changed it completely.

[Reply #43 on:]

I read a Futurama meets the Matrix and really didn't understand it. You did The Fry-Trix & The Fry-Trix Still Has You right? Cause I think I read the other one.

Speaking of reviews, can I have some feedback? I know I don't have that many stories but soon there will be possibly seven if I do the 7th one.

[Reply #44 on:]

I did The Fry-Trix(Which got a score of 8.75), The Fry-Trix:Rebooted(Which got a score of 7.3, that means I must've did something wrong). Those where the serious tales. The other two were a parody of the two stories which I did. For this one, I collaborated with four other writers. Each consisted of 6 stories. One was called The Fry-Trix Has You, and the other was The Fry-Trix Still Has You.

[Reply #45 on:]

Oh ok! Yeah I read yours. I liked it from what I gathered but I don't think I rated it. The thing is I never saw the Matrix or any of the sequels so I wouldn't know. But I liked it.

[Reply #46 on:]

Delete this post!

[Reply #47 on:]

New fanfic "The best times and the worst times" from Kriebs seems to be very worth to read.

[Reply #48 on:]

The following is a review of Mitch's fanfic, "Follow that Bender".  I read this Futurama/Kim Possible crossover a while back at TLZ.  It is a sequel to Mitch's fanfic, "Robot Hell Rises (Seriously, It Does)"

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Okay let me just say this fanfic rocks.  I read while I'm in the middle of doing my own Futurama/Kim Possible (will be completed real soon).  Mitch's first crossover had Kim and Ron visit the Planet Express crew in their time.  Mitch's new fanfic has Fry, Leela and Bender visiting Kim in her own time.  Honestly, I was afraid to read this, since I'm doing a similar fanfic.  I didn't want to be influenced by Mitch's fanfics, since I had my own ideas. But luckily that wasn't the case.

Bender winds up in Middleton where he gets captured by three minor Kim Possible characters.  Mitch must be a big fan of the show to know about them.  Mitch also uses the villains, The BeBes and Bender gets a little robot happy.  Leela and Fry trying to fit in and understand Kim's world is amusing and memorable. 

I love the fight between Leela and Shego (yes shego makes an appearance, but still no Drakken).  I had already released part one of my fanfic featuring Leela and Shego fighting, Mitch's fight is funnier.  I like how Mitch splits the four characters to save Bender; he has Kim and Fry go together and Ron and Leela go together.

This is a good fanfic, even for a crossover. 

[Reply #49 on:]

After a long time, there is new "The Other" on Leela Zone. Well I have not much to say except that it is allready third part without much significant events - both Skyler´s and Leela´s stories have some slow "twists" but they are obviously just predicting real events tha should happaned many parts ago. Well maybe in the next part we´ll finally see.         

[Reply #50 on:]

 
After a long time, there is new "The Other" on Leela Zone. Well I have not much to say except that it is allready third part without much significant events - both Skyler´s and Leela´s stories have some slow "twists" but they are obviously just predicting real events that should happen many chapters ago. There is no any "mess" like in the last part but nothing great either. Well maybe in the next part we´ll finally see.     

[Reply #51 on:]

Hmm, it looks that I am lonely here but I can´t help myself.

Now, The Other reached it´s 19th part with huge twist on the end. Why author don´t let happen something importent in the plot itself is behind me but on the other hand it is nicely written.

[Reply #52 on:]

I read The Other. I really like it but i think he's playing the suspense to hard. Everyone figured out what the big twist was long ago but he's still keeping it a secret. It's going to be so anticlimantic when he finally does reveal it.

And i really don't buy 'Leela the abortionist' Family means way to much to her and she's been alone for so long she wouldn't kill any family that did come along.

And i really hope what happened at the very end of this last chapter isn't what it appears to be. It would be such a huge cop out for

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Fry to just appear out of thin air and actually be there. I'm thinking it must be a dream or a hallucination on Leela's part. Maybe it's Bereave toying with her or something.

On a side note the next chapter of Background Noise finally came out. I love this story so much but the updates are so far apart that by the time the new one comes out i've forgotten what happened in the last one. I completely missed a part that i suspect was supposed to have a lot of emotional significance becuase i couldn't remember who that particular character was and what made him important.

[Reply #53 on:]

Which character? Sergeant 'Top' Orlov?

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He was a First Sergeant at Cantigny, but we only meet him a couple of times during the story. I think the impact was more that Fry saw a familiar face die on the operating table, not that the reader should have any emotional connection with the character.

[Reply #54 on:]

If Orlov is Dientz then yeah.

[Reply #55 on:]

Dientz was the commander of Fire Base Edinburgh, but  we've only met him briefly when major Smith inspects the firebase defenses a few chapters back.

[Reply #56 on:]

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Which one died asking for their mother? That was Dientz right?

[Reply #57 on:]

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Yes.

[Reply #58 on:]

*BUMP*

I just read Spacedal's "The Way That It Is" (parts one and two). One of the better ship-fics I've read in a while. There's room for improvement (which is true of any story), but it's a pretty nice story, nonetheless.

My much more extensive, ultra-babbly review...

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So, what can I say, Spacedal? You recommended this one to me, and it was pretty much just as good as you said.

The basic plot (Fry and Leela spending a drunken night together) isn't exactly something new to the fanfic world (perhaps most notably it was used in  BumbleBeeTheta's "A Helping Hand"...albeit, with a twist). But, you manage to put your own spin on it, and the final product was something that was pretty enjoyable.

First off, it's funny. It's the kind of funny that lies between the "Yay, my story's so dramatic! But...wait...this is Futurama! I have to add a lame joke in now and then." sort of humor; and the "Laugh-Out-Loud flat-out Sci-fi Futurama-y jokey goodness" sort of humor. What I mean is, you worked gags into the story, but didn't let them take over. You took set-up stuff and exposition and introspection and whatnot into consideration, as well. I like that.

Every member of the PE crew is represented, as well. It seems that, most of the time, in a shippy story, the writer neglects the existence of the funny supporting characters (particularly Zoidberg), but you didn't. Including the entire crew in a story is always a plus, because it's a good way to work in some character-driven humor. (You definitely took advantage of this, most notably regarding Farnsworth.)

But, that's not to say that I don't have my little complaints (*Prays that Spacedal doesn't smite her ('cause, y'know...I'm just assuming that she was born with the power to smite people*).

Er...anyway...

Like Venus mentioned on the first page of this thread, you sometimes grow redundant when it comes to how you structure your sentences. For example, in the first paragraph of Part One, you say, "Just then, the door that opened from the meeting room opened". Now, it's not that that wasn't a descriptive sentence, but the repeated use of the word "opened" in the same short sentence makes it sound a little, well, clunky. You could have easily replaced it with something like, "Just then, the Meeting Room door opened." It gets the same point across, but it rolls of the tongue a bit more smoothly. Just a suggestion. (Also, you may want to consider proof reading your fics more than once...there seemed to be an awful lot of typos in this fic.)  (I'm being annoying, I know...sorry.)

Secondly (and the annoyance just keeps on a'comin'!), there are points (in part two, especially), where you don't handle the ship with as much sensitivity as you should. Example: "At the same time, Fry felt guilty for what he had done. He felt bad that he knocked Leela up." It's not that that's not true, but...well...it kind of takes away from the sort of romantic aspect of the story. You could have replaced "knocked-up" (which kept popping up in part two) with "got pregnant" or something. It's still not exactly Shakespearean, but it doesn't detract from the shippiness. The way I see it, Bender saying "knocked-up" is totally in-character for him, but Fry referring to the woman that's carrying his baby as "the woman he knocked up" just doesn't work the same way. He has to show a level of respect for her, as a friend, and as the woman that he's going to raise a baby with.

Which brings me to my next complaint. You're writing Fry as being much too aloof to the shippiness. You have him worrying about being a parent with Leela (which seems like his dream-come-true to me), but then you also say that he loves her and wants to be with her. If that's the case, than being aloof to the situation doesn't seem all that in-character. Now, by contrast, you show Leela as being even more open to Fry than he is to her. That's just not Leela. If anyone is aloof when it comes to the ship, it's her.

Now, I know that this shippiness is a relatively new territory for you, but you should pay just a tad bit more attention to characterization next time. (The same goes for Bender. Is it bad that I don't really buy the whole Bender/Lucy relationship?)

My last complaint has to do with some discrepencies between Part One and Part Two of your fic. In part one, you have Fry and Leela kissing after their date. But then, whenever you have them kiss in part two, you always make it a point to note either Fry or Leela's shock at the fact that they're kissing. It just doesn't make sense. I mean, they slept together, they went out on a few dates, and they were making out right outside of Leela's apartment. I just don't see how them kissing is still a big issue, when you've already made it clear that they both really want to get married, but aren't sure of how to go about it.

Still...that kiss at the end of part two was pretty sweet...

 

Leela: Fry, wait.

Fry looked over at Leela.

Leela: You know, I never did thank you this afternoon.

Fry: For what?

Leela: All of this. I-I know it was just a really drunken night but you don't know how happy I am. And the fact that it was you who did it and not some random guy who I know wouldn't want anything to do with me, makes me feel good too. And you were there when Randy was born. I mean I was so afraid that you would miss this and kill yourself over it. You were really helpful and supportive. And I can tell how much you love her already. Honestly, I can't picture anyone else I would have rather gotten knocked up by. So, thanks.

Fry couldn't help but smile. He was flattered.

Fry: N-night Leela.

Leela smiled back at him.

Leela: Night.

She held her hand up bending her finger to him back to herself. Fry walked back over to her. She pulled him pulled him by the chin and gave him a kiss. Fry was completely baffled and shocked. Leela grinned at him when she let go.

Leela: Thank you.

Fry high pitch: You're welcome.

(You know...sans the whole "get knocked-up by" line of Leela's  .)

So, all in all, this was a pretty nice story. Like I said, there are things that you may want to improve upon, but people (including me) seem to be diggin' it. Keep up the good work.

Oh yeah, and I liked the allusion to "The One Where Rachel is Late" in part two (both with the being late and the spicy foods). I'm so weird...

[Reply #59 on:]

Gorky: No one's perfect. I still love you though.  Though I am not sure if I'm a smiter. If I am, then I don't know it.

Now as you've said, I have never written a shippy before. So this is new to me and I'm still working on it. Glad you like it though.

And reading your review, I am going to agree with a lot of it.

Let's see for starters, the whole Fry and Leela kissing issue; I don't actually know that they want to get married. I mean how I see it is that they're (Or Leela is) really unsure if this would mean anything or just something that everyone's pressuring them to do. And the kissing is just friendlyness. Ross and Rachael do it, so that's where I was getting that from. Maybe I'm making the kissing to personal but I don't mean to be.

Also with the "Just then, the door that opened from the meeting room opened", thing, sorry. I really don't mean to do that I just keep thinking that my story needs to be distcriptive. That happens when I start a story. And sometimes if I'm writing part of one and I'm in a deep writing mood, I'll do that. I'll double check to make sure that doesn't happen in part 3.

And I am having problems with the Bender/Lucy relationship too. I feel stupid of what I went and did with that. It was good at first and then I made it bad. I'll see how I it goes when I review part 3.

Yeah, I agree that I'm making Leela to soft. But then she gets bitchy in part 3 (which is not done with). I told myself that I was making her real soft. Working on that.

Now with Fry, what I was saying was he was worried about being a parent in general. The fact that it was with Leela just made him more nervous. But he figured he should do the right thing and stick it out. And now that the pregnancy thing is done he's real happy. But the whole situation of being Leela's boyfriend/husband is what makes it complicated for him.

Also if it's not already obvious, there's a lot of Friends and Murphy Brown connections that I put in there. I was gonna go on with the spicey food in which Leela thought her water broke after eating some of the food but it was really nothing. Then I decided that part 2 was long enough and I wasn't in the mood to write it.

If there's anything else, email me. I'd rather have an email conversation then a posting one. Thanks for the love.

[Reply #60 on:]

Wait, what? I give you critisism and you declare a feud but then Gorky gives you critisism and you accept it gratiously? Unfair! I demand apology kittens!

On a side note, without Drew to confuse your readers and upstage all of the other characters you can actually put together a decent story. I'm not surprised this one got a better rating.

[Reply #61 on:]

I knew you'd come along and say that. Well the difference between the fueds I'd put up with you and me agreeing with Gorky is that
1) I wasn't willing to agree,
2) I didn't like you. Not saying I'm your best friend now, and
3) Somehow Gorky made me feel good anyway even though she crtiscized me and you made me feel bad.

I'll apologize but no kittens. And trust me, I would have added Drew in there, oh yeah, but then I figured I'd do something completely different. I might throw her in there somewhere. Now I really want to. So stay tuned, cause I'll probably put her in part 4 since I'm almost done with part 3.

And yes, this one got a better rating than my last two, (yeah they sucked) but my others have done fine. TFI has 4 more points than TWTII.

So, I'm sorry, and hope you're enjoying this fic.

[Reply #62 on:]

Wait, you didn't like me even before the feud? Any particular reason why?

[Reply #63 on:]

I don't remember. I was still sorta new here and like every n00b they don't like being bossed around. Maybe I didn't like you when I did fued with you. I don't know.

But I do like your fan fic and you don't annoy me like you use to.

[Reply #64 on:]

I don't remember ever bossing you around. I don't remember saying anything to you that i wouldn't say to someone else.

But i guess i'll take what i can get. Glad you like my fic.

[Reply #65 on:]

I don't remember what made me dislike you. If I thought it was that important I would have remembered. I don't think it's that important.

Yeah I like the story. And by the looks of it, you said that mine was "decent".

[Reply #66 on:]

The only problem i remember you ever having with me was Drew, anything else you never mentioned on the board.

[Reply #67 on:]

Probably. Why are you so curious as to know why?

[Reply #68 on:]

People don't generally hate me. They either really like me or don't notice i'm there. I havn't been hated by anyone since Angelica Johnson back in the 9th grade, but she hated everyone. So when people hate me i get curious.

[Reply #69 on:]

Did I say I hated you? And I'm not talking about a year ago. I'm talking about now. No I don't hate you. But I don't really like you either. I just admire your writing and that you also like Evanenescence like I do.

And while I'm at it, do you like me that much?

[Reply #70 on:]

I had absolutely no opinion of you until you started your feud. Which i didn't even know we were having until you announced it. Then you got all belligerent with me which was both annoying and amusing both at the same time. But as a general rule, i don't like people who don't like me.

[Reply #71 on:]

Then we're even. So let's let it go now.

But before I go to watch Conan, I have one question, did you like my fic? Cause I'm not sure what "you can actually put together a decent story" meant. 

[Reply #72 on:]

Uh-oh...I write a review, leave for the night, then return to find that I have Venus and Spacedal being so...argue-ie. Sorry 'bout that. And, Spacedal, I read that whole feud that you and Venus had in the last thread (I believe it was). If I could just say something, Spacedal, I don't think that Venus was really doing anything other than offering her constructive criticism. It may have made you feel bad, but I'm sure that that wasn't Venus' intent as she wrote her review. And, even despite having your feelings hurt, you should try to take any criticism you get in stride. Just try to improve next time. (Although I am glad that I didn't hurt your feelings or anything. I was just being honest. I hate hurting people's feelings. (Unless I hate them...but I don't hate you or Venus. You're both great writers in your own respects...fighting like you are (or, were) seems kind of pointless.) 

 

Wait, what? I give you critisism and you declare a feud but then Gorky gives you critisism and you accept it gratiously? Unfair! I demand apology kittens!

Venus, Venus, Venus...you and your apology kittens. 

[Reply #73 on:]

That's ok Gorky. I found your review helpful but somewhat obvious cause it was problems I was already aware about.

And I know I was in the wrong in those last threads. But it's done and over with and there isn't anything I can do about except apologize. I have seen the errors of my ways and will now seek a life in peacefulness. So, therefore I apologize to Venus and anyone else I might have offeneded and just hope you don't punish me by trashing my latest story.

[Reply #74 on:]

I'm really not petty enough to trash a story just cause i'm annoyed with the author. Any comment i make to anyone, good or bad, is an actual reaction i had too the fic when reading it.

As for your story Spacedal, besides from the issues Gorky already mentioned, the plot is pretty good. And i really do think the story works better without Drew. The Futurama creators and writers knew what they were doing when they created the characters and character dynamic they did and when canon is followed good things come out of it. The only thing i remember that pulled me out of the story was the Author's notes. Like mentioning Ross's apartment. You probably should have left the Friend's reference out and just described the apartment. Not everyone watched Friends (like me) and therefore don't know what Ross' apartment is supposed to look like. As a general rule you don't want to remind people that there reading a story. It would be like watching 'War of the Worlds' and having Spielberg suddenly walk into frame and say "See those two people standing over there? They were in the original 'War of the Worlds' movie. I had them make a cameo cause i liked the original movie." and then walking out of frame and having the movie continue as if nothing had happened. It's too jarring. If you really want to include any kind of Author's note just put a little paragraph at the end. I don't know if you read Ramon 51's Gladiatrix story, but the way he does the footnotes is the best way i've seen to go about it.

@Gorky: I like kittens in all forms, not just apology. I even like my roommate's friend's kitten and he had 6 toes. He's so small!    I can hold him in one hand!   

[Reply #75 on:]

That's just something I do. But thank you.

I like cats too. From a far away distance. I curse my horrible alergic reaction to them though.

[Reply #76 on:]

One more thing i just remembered, (after you mentioned it in the baby name thread) The name you decided on for the baby, Randy. I'm not saying it's a bad name, just a rather male one. My dad's name is Randy. I think the female spelling is Randie. Also, Randy is brittish slang for horny, i learned that from Buffy.

[Reply #77 on:]

Neh. I just named her from two characters from two different movies. Two of my favorite movies. I very well could have ended up calling her Murphy. But I didn't! And now that I've heard the name 1000 times, I want to change it to Neve. But to hell with it.

(And ok, now this is what's annoying me. This is making me annoyed that you aren't letting the critizing go. You could have left the horny comment to yourself.)

[Reply #78 on:]

I could've, but i figured you probably didn't even realize it meant that. It's not exactly common knowledge as far as i know. The only reason i knew it was cause i watched that one ep of Buffy. But seeing as Futurama seems to be pretty popular in Brittian and TLZ probably has several British readers i figured i'd clue you in. It's not my fault you take everything as some kind of personal attack i was actually attempting to do you a favor. if i made an unintitional sexual reference in my fic i'd want someone to let me know.

[Reply #79 on:]

Well like you said about Friends, not everyone watches Buffy. Did I horribly need to know that? Not really. And if I did know that I might not have used the name. But if you don't like the name, sorry. I'm sorry that I just happened to pick the name of your dad and that it means horny in England. Yes Venus, I just knew that your Dad's name was Randy and I just wanted to put it in there so you could point that out to me. You reveiled my evil plan. Oh no.