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Author Topic: Neo-Beatniks Unite: A Futurama Poetry Thread!  (Read 16902 times)
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Bending Unit
« on: 07-22-2004 00:07 »
« Last Edit on: 07-22-2004 00:07 »

After some light browsing through this untill reasently unexplored area I came to realise that, while there are many excellent threads dedicated to fanfics and visual arts, there don't seem to be any for the exhibition of Futurama inspired poetry.

Here I encourage all fans to submit anything from hikus and free verse, to ballads and sonnets. Yes, even lymerics are wellcome here! (Just nothing too dirty, please!)

In the end we just might have a nice big anathology of fan poetry on our hands, that's the dream at least. You may submit more than once, though I discourage double posts (some people just get plumb mad when you do that)Bare in mind that this is niether contest nor game, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun   ;)

Now, here's a little something from me to get the ball rolling....

An eye for an eye
2 see 1 closed
whirl pool reflections in the vision of a broken dream
A fading song crys out
HE stands alone
Bitter at her own foolishness
Bitter at the fool she nearly gave herself to so willingly
1 eye shut tighter 2 reden with sadness
Never eye 2 eye

Yeah, that was kind of weird. I'll try a bit harder next time though. Could you tell what the poem was about? I look forward to seeing what everyone comes up with, I hope to see a buch of posts when I return from vacation on August 1st.

« Reply #1 on: 07-22-2004 00:13 »

"I'm a Delivery Boy!"

There once was a boy from the past
In his time he was last of the last
But he jumped forth in time
And sans reason or rhyme
His lust for life was reborn fast!

« Reply #2 on: 07-22-2004 00:50 »

Hahaha, that's so great

Leela's new defrostee was odd,
She was past understanding;
A simple trip to the moon, for Fry,
Was a big-time lunar landing.


« Reply #3 on: 07-22-2004 02:43 »
« Last Edit on: 07-22-2004 02:43 »

And so when he found a 'new' calling
The boy's coworkers found him enthralling!
How he sits on the couch
And drinks Slurm in a slouch-
Why, he's retro and vintage and darling!
Uhm, yeah..
This is fun. We should, like.. Retell the story of Futurama in limerick form.

Urban Legend
« Reply #4 on: 07-22-2004 06:46 »
« Last Edit on: 07-22-2004 06:46 »

Can do, EL... can do.

A few cents, but with interest compounded
Leaves our hero completely dumbfounded
Goes from rags to riches;
Then his friends he ditches,
Until all of his stuff is impounded.

Her big rescue mission was left laggin’
By that Brannigan’s incessant naggin’
Pity grew from anger;
Allowed Zapp to bang her
Oh, it must have been all the champagne!

« Reply #5 on: 07-22-2004 09:39 »


A skill Fry wanted to show,
Was his talent on woodwind nuveau;
He got brand new hands,
As set by his plans
But Leela? Ah, we'll never know!

On a planet with a rather hot theme,
Lived liquid people (why weren't they steam?)
An monarch consumed,
And again exhumed,
When Leela made Fry cry a stream.

« Reply #6 on: 07-22-2004 19:16 »

Quoth the cyclops: My dearest friend Fry,
You're an interesting sort of guy.
You've an odd sort of charm
And I'd do you no harm,
But, date you! Ha, well, I'd sooner die!

Urban Legend
« Reply #7 on: 07-22-2004 21:02 »
« Last Edit on: 07-23-2004 00:00 »

Great poems everyone, think I'll try my hand at one:

There once was a robot named Bender,
Who was made of an old Ford fender,
He'd smoke for a bit,
Then bend and cheese it,
He later became a trans-gender.

Bam! English sonnet about Zoidberg:

Zoidberg was a doctor, on planet Earth,
As a doctor he was incompetent,
As a Lobster he was insufficient,
He used garbage to fill his girth,
He had lived that way ever since his birth,
To Edna, his love, he had an attachment,
Until the frenzy where death ran rampant,
Disillusioned, he went back to his hearth.

Zoidberg now lives in what's called a dumpster,
He sleeps in the trash, his best friend is Fry,
He's Planet Express' unloved jester,
He'll be living this way 'til he shall die,
Just by being himself, friends he'll pester,
Oh poor Zoidberg, it makes me want to cry.

I think I screwed up the iambic pentameter, and I cheated on some of the rhymes, but I think it turned out OK.

Urban Legend
« Reply #8 on: 08-06-2004 08:05 »
« Last Edit on: 08-06-2004 08:05 »


Nice, newhook, but I raise the nerdiness bar with this one; it's The Raven, only shorter and with more cursing:


Once upon a weeknight lousy,
Channel surfing, drained and drowsy
Over many a trite and tedious program intended to bore.
While I drifted, almost sprawling,
I found something most enthralling
And the voices, they were calling, calling me from channel four.
“I will watch this show,” I muttered, “On this channel, channel four.
Only this and nothing more.”

Rather clearly I remember,
Watching Fry, Leela, and Bender
Gallivant the universe, delivering their stock and store.
I was never over-zealous
Now perhaps I’m a bit jealous
Lost my chance, they didn’t tell us; tell us the show was no more.
And this rare intelligent show now regrettably no more,
May be lost, forevermore.

But the lasting syndication
Of this grand amalgamation
Sci-fi, comedy, and drama, (even watching Leela score)
Drew me in so willingly.
And with its heart instilling me,
And with its jokes just filling me with laughter quite unlike before,
I forgot the other shows which had always made me laugh before
Compared to this, most shows are poor.

Taking then the needed action
Joined the growing fan-based faction
“We simply must get this show back-shun Fox until it they restore!”
Or, perhaps be more conspicuous,
With a plan that’s most ridiculous!
Storm to Fox’s leading dick-and-thus solve the problem at its core.
“Storm to Rupert Murdoch’s office, solve the problem at its core!”
And we did break down his door.

“Murdoch!” said I, “Man of evil!
Hasten to the show’s retrieval!
Hasten to the phone and call Matt Groening quickly, I implore!
Futurama is deserv-ed!
All the fans are quite unnerv-ed!
And this shit of which you’ve serv-ed should be dashed onto the floor!
All reality TV should be left burning on the floor!”
Quoth the Murdoch, “Nevermore!”

“Murdoch!” said I, “Man of evil!
(Useless little bastard weevil)
Can’t you see that TV has become a sad, lackluster chore?
Give us back the wit that quipped
And give us back the plots that gripped
And give us back the brilliant script, the characters that we adore!
Get your head out of your ass and give us back what we adore!”
Quoth the Murdoch, “Nevermore!”

“Be that word a sign of losing!
You can’t save your show of boozing
Robots who are left excusing meetings with a robot whore!”
Murdoch shouted this quite plainly.
I was left looking ungainly
Exited his office mainly yearning for the days of yore
Exited admitting failure yearning for the days of yore
Days with bodyless Al Gore.

Back to me upon my couch
My posture falls into a slouch
Remembering the stupid grouch that wrecked the show I struggled for.
But the TV's light is gleaming,
And the re-runs are still streaming,
And perchance I may be dreaming but this thought I will explore.
“Maybe life is not over just because the show is no more.”
This I think, then start to snore.

Don't worry, I wrote it while at work.

Urban Legend
« Reply #9 on: 08-06-2004 16:03 »

that's...the most beautiful thing i've ever read. Compared to this Poe can go to hell! This is like a plastic trashbag floating in the breeze, like a metaphor or whatever.

« Reply #10 on: 08-06-2004 19:06 »

(Shaucker pisses herself laughing)

Bergie, that is so good it hurts. And I'm awful glad you bumped this.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #11 on: 08-07-2004 08:36 »
« Last Edit on: 08-07-2004 08:36 »

And now to provide the hangover to JBERGES's gallon jug of fine wine. Stop being so awesome, dammit! (edit: and happy birthday, apparently)

Defrostee, new friends
Luna Park, offends
Apartment, annex
Brannigan, hot sex
Chapek 9, lug nuts
Anchovies, big bucks
Emperor, cry out
Garbage ball, reroute
Robot Hell, bot soul?
Titanic, black hole
Guenter sucks, damn hat
Aliens, attack
Slurm's secret, ignore
Season one, no more
Bent Again

« Reply #12 on: 08-08-2004 09:17 »
« Last Edit on: 08-08-2004 09:17 »

Is this the bit where Micheal Stipe breaks in?

It's the end of the world as we know it.......

Trying to brew up a limerick of my own, problem all i can think of at the moment that rhymes is 'Leela' and 'Loud Squealer'  :D   :flirt:

« Reply #13 on: 08-08-2004 18:31 »

Bergy, I'm late in saying it but DAMN. I love you.
[And I loves me the Stipe-ness.]

Delivery Boy
« Reply #14 on: 08-09-2004 01:57 »
« Last Edit on: 08-09-2004 01:57 »

here's a Futurama Haiku.

Planet Express has
A doctor who's named Zoidberg
Madness will ensue.

JBerges, your Futurama version of the raven was absolutely BRILLIANT!  Kudos, I bow down to your skill with the pen!

Urban Legend
« Reply #15 on: 09-28-2004 19:34 »
« Last Edit on: 02-07-2005 00:00 »


A 2 month late thanks to everyone.      :D

Time to kick the dorkiness up another notch (or at least keep it at the same notch).  This has been on my computer for far too long.  I'll finish it up sometime, I swear.


To be continued… so in the meantime, someone else write something.  Pleeeease?


DOOP Secretary
« Reply #16 on: 09-28-2004 21:11 »

God, that was good. Not only was that a brilliant take-off on "The Raven" (probably my favorite work from Poe), but that Dr. Suess thing was amazing (oh yeah, and I also love "The Cat in the Hat"...).

so in the meantime, someone else write something. Pleeeease?

*Searches within herself for that thing called "talent". Doesn't find any. Gives up, and has a comfort mocha.*

Anyway, perhaps I'll try my hand at some Futurama poetry. It will prepare you all for the pure horror of the Apocolypse.

« Reply #17 on: 09-29-2004 07:35 »

That was most amusing, love the "words" used for rhymes. So this is what you do when you're putting off your fanfic, Bergy?

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #18 on: 09-29-2004 15:14 »

Here's what I've discovered--I can't write Futurama poetry, but I can write poetry about not being able to write Futurama poetry. Here's an awful sampling:

Some say it’s hard,
To write a Futurama poem.
To write about episodes, people, and places,
As if you already know ‘em.
But alas, ye mortals,
For soon you will tell,
That in this woman’s veins,
Nerdiness doth swell.

Speaking of swelling, your gullets must be doing so with vomit. Sorry about that.

Urban Legend
« Reply #19 on: 02-07-2005 20:27 »
« Last Edit on: 02-07-2005 20:27 »

*Huge Bump*

Gorky, you get a 5 month delayed choice of pat on the back, high five, or hug for writing a poem when I asked you to.

I said I'd finish this eventually, but honestly I just completely forgot about it.  I am glad to bump this thread, however; there are a lot of new people here.  Maybe some others will get to writing some enjoyable poetry... (I'm lookin at you, Layla)    :p
The finished version:
SP3K:  By Dr Seuss JBERGES

Here is a story of a guy,
A guy that went by Philip J. Fry.
To begin, this guy Fry was purposely chosen.
Indeed he was needed, intentionally frozen,
To thaw, and he saw a future filled with joy,
But the flaw? By the law, a delivery boy.
Soon probed, stuck, and stunked and then shocked and debased,
By pokers and schmackers and a thick probing-paste,
This guy who's named Fry would then learn of his fate,
A fate, not so great, one he really did hate.
To skip the damn chip was his quip and reply,
And it seemed this guy Fry, he would much rather die.
So he bolted and ran, quite ironically,
From the dame he soon came to want chronically.
Dashing through all the unusual surroundings,
Past the flinkers and clinkers and zoopers abounding,
This guy named Fry would then meet an ally,
In a form not the norm, well, at least not to Fry.
A friend who can bend, and lend a hand if required,
They went from the booth to the bar, uninspired.
But Leela soon saw them and called for her backup,
With her wrist-o-majigger policing-mojackup.

The boys flit and flee being followed by three,
And the chase hit a pace of a rapid degree.
First the bot, then the guy who’s named Fry, then the girl,
Then the peace keeping officers Smitty and URL.

The five soon arrive at the great head museum,
A Tuesday it was, so it was free to see ‘em.
The three cornered two and with nowhere to cower,
The officers beat them with light-saber power.

And to her dismay the display thus unfurled,
It changed Leela’s view of this Orwell-esque world.
“I’ll do what I want to do” was her new dictum.
She turned on the officers, and verily kicked ‘em.

Siding with the deserter, the cops couldn’t hurt her;
The bot and boy left, (She wished them inerter)
They couldn’t quite trust her, and with what he could muster,
Bender bent the grate in a manner lackluster.

Down the two sunk, into the dank and the dunk.
Where the guy named Fry finally sat down and thunk.
Where was he going?  Who had he lost?
What had he gained? And just what was the cost?

The bot interjected, and at that point elected
To point out the gal by the waters infected.
A friend or a foe was this gal he’d rejected?
Wondered Fry; (he was nigh to beginning to cry)
With a sigh, he decided to give up the chase.
Life couldn’t get worse if worst in the first place.
But her face showed a kindness, despite her one eyed blindness.
And with that Fry and Leela had a moment of find-ness.
To find what they found (quite a revelation)
That they could relate to each other’s privation.

They both ran like hell, with the robot as well
To the home where Fry’s relative could and would dwell.
Forcing the issue, they let themselves in.
And with reliance on science, proved he was of kin.

After a dull tour, and a brief explanation,
The four opened the door of the Professor’s creation.
They had to leave soon, as they found they were bounded
By Nixon, the goon, who by now had them surrounded.

Leaving gunners dumbfounded; leaving sky earth and nation,
The ship took flight though lights of night's celebration.

The chase was now over, the escape was successful,
One issue remained; Leela found it quite stressful,
Deserters are fugitives, nowhere to go.
But Farnsworth had just the thing, wouldn’t you know?

Career chips implanted, rejoining society;
Legitimate thanks to a Professor’s propriety.
Fry had what we wanted, a job he’d enjoy;
“Futuristic simplistic delivery boy!”

And that is the story of the guy,
The guy that went by Philip J Fry.
Working for family, with friends fun and new.
Leela, Fry, Bender; the unstoppable crew.

I need a life


Starship Captain
« Reply #20 on: 02-07-2005 20:46 »

Great poetry JBERGES, that was the best poem I ever read ... and probaly the only I've read.  :p Keep up the great work.  :D
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
« Reply #21 on: 02-07-2005 21:30 »

So. Damn. Awesome.

I missed this thread!

« Reply #22 on: 02-07-2005 21:42 »
« Last Edit on: 02-07-2005 21:42 »

“Futuristic simplistic delivery boy!”
Best. Line. Ever.

That was a GREAT read. Do more! Do more!

Edit: Hey! I'm a professor! Ooh, I'll be Professor of Pretending to Know What They're Doing!...that'll show everyone...
Futurama Nerd

« Reply #23 on: 02-07-2005 23:16 »

Yes!!!! My kinda thread.

Untitled  Oh ya, so mysterious

She doesn't know how much I try,
to let my love for her die.
But even though I push her out,
She keeps coming back though I highly doubt,
Even if I try again,
I know it will never happen.
She just keeps coming back.
And in the end I sigh in relief,
Because her leave makes me weak.
Cause without her I feel empty inside,
I don't even know why I even try.

Not very good. It was actually writin in a girl's perspective, but changed it for the threads sake. Now that I think about it, that sucked   :p

Starship Captain
« Reply #24 on: 02-07-2005 23:24 »

Great work Futurama Nerd. Better than I could do, I suck at writing.
Futurama Nerd

« Reply #25 on: 02-07-2005 23:35 »

Thank you P_J_F. I'm sure your not that bad at writing. You live in Anaheim Hills eh? Cool, I went there last summer. I'm stuck here near SF. Maybe I can go over there and teach you  to write poetry sometime   :flirt:   :p

Bending Unit
« Reply #26 on: 02-07-2005 23:47 »

Great job sis! Never heard that one before.  And thanks for the happy birthday greeting on the i've got thread.

Urban Legend
« Reply #27 on: 02-08-2005 17:58 »

JBERGES: You win poetry.  Especially for that old The Raven rewrite.  God, that was great.  I can't believe I didn't see it until now.

A Haiku by Philip J. Fry:

Haiku is boring
I'll finish it tomorrow
And go watch Star Trek...now.  Crap.

Alright, that was lame.  I just felt like adding something vaguely ontopic rather than six-month-old props.

Bending Unit
« Reply #28 on: 02-08-2005 19:07 »

I can't believe I didn't see this thread until last night! Oh my gosh, you guys are good! Bergey, that Raven rewrite is spectacular. I started a rewrite of Jabberwocky, but it doesn't really translate well. In the meantime, here are a few weak episodic limericks.

N-o-r, first off, whoo! You wrote something, and if Fry ever wrote a haiku, I have no doubt that's what it would be like. Also, you put my story in your sig! And made me cry in doing so! (Shocked, overwhelmed, happy kind of tears.) Gee, you're just gunning for a story aren't you.

I Second that Emotion

When Bender so jealous did get,
All because of our Leela’s dear pet.
We got a sneak peek
At Leela’s parents, how sweet!
and the Elchupanibre we met!

Brannigan, begin again

Zapp Brannigan made a mistake,
and control of P.E. he did take,
The Neutrals did plot
to do something, or not,
And Kif Kroker could not find a break.

Not great, but I'll work on it.

Bending Unit
« Reply #29 on: 02-08-2005 19:50 »
« Last Edit on: 02-08-2005 19:50 »

The Farnsworth Parabox

What was in the box was a mystery
Turns out to be doubles thought to be full of wickery
Their new friends are in trouble
Back to Universe A, on the double!
But give Bender the box and we'll be history!

Yeah, it needs a little work, but I could never even attempt to be as great as JBERGES. I especially loved your Dr.Seuss one. You should make one for the Series Has Landed for Dr.Seuss Day. (I think it's March 2nd)

Urban Legend
« Reply #30 on: 02-09-2005 06:34 »


Starship Captain
« Reply #31 on: 02-09-2005 11:37 »

"The Judgement"

In this life we pass judgement,
our thoughts wasting to our own opions,
we judge harshly and softly,
depending on the indervidual,
we never learn the person themselves,
only apperances,
then set in out ways,
Why o' Why do we judge this way?
Futurama Nerd

« Reply #32 on: 02-09-2005 12:38 »

Nice poem Dr.Jerkbird, I can really relate to it.

Starship Captain
« Reply #33 on: 02-09-2005 15:15 »

Thanks  :)

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #34 on: 02-09-2005 17:53 »

Gorky, you get a 5 month delayed choice of pat on the back, high five, or hug for writing a poem when I asked you to.

Hmm...pat on the back, high five, or hug? I'll get back to you on that, Bergey. Also, great poem...funny, funny stuff.

And, to everyone else (Futurama Nerd, N-o-r, Layla, Procyon, and Jerkbird), great stuff all around. Layla, it's no surprise that you can write both incredible prose and great poetry (see Nerd-o's siggy link for afore-mentioned prose)...kudos.

Anyway, I was bored, and it'll be a cold day in Hell before I actually do anything productive with my time. So, I wrote this thing. (Note: I advise you all to read this without opening your eyes.) Try to bare it...er...I mean, enjoy.


Beware, dear reader, for I am sure
That a heartache you’ll endure
And, as well, your eyes will bleed,
When this poem you begin to read.

Now like I said, I cannot write
So I only did this out of spite
For those of you with something called talent
For you, I wrote this horrid ballad.

And with those words, I give you this
With enough errors to fill a ten-page list
Remember my warning, oh friends of mine
And pray to God you do not die.


I heard of a man named Philip J. Fry,
(Why he goes by the latter, I do not know why)
Born in the turbulent years of the seventies
In place of his brain, was a block of Swiss cheese.

But I digress; I should not poke such fun
At a man who wanted to visit the stars, moon, and sun.
Of course, this guy Fry, never got this chance
Until he was frozen at the seat of his pants.

I really do mean it, I tell you the truth
That Philip J. Fry, a man so aloof
Was frozen on the last day of the year
While delivering a pizza and a six pack of beer.

And he went ahead, to the year thirty oh oh
Where he met such characters as, lo and behold
 A one-eyed mutant, Leela her name
And, despite her shortcoming, Fry liked her the same.

Next he met Bender, a robot with ‘tude
A metallic companion for the seventies dude.
And these three fugitives from thirty-first century law
Managed to land several cushy new jobs.

Because, it turns out, that Fry’s got some family,
A 100-plus nephew who babbles on randomly
And this Professor—quite confused and nervous
Owns Planet Express, a delivery service.

So he gave Fry, Leela, and Bender a job
(And also gave Bender a new guy to rob)
Where they work with a Martian, and an ol’ lobster doctor
And a Jamaican tightwad who’s way off his rocker.

So this is Fry’s life now, in a world so strange
It’s bizarre, funny, oddball, deranged
But if you asked him about it, Fry, he would say
That he wouldn’t want it any other way.


I need a life



Futurama Nerd

« Reply #35 on: 02-09-2005 18:02 »

That is awesome Gorky! Very funny. I think you should write more. No really, I do.

Bending Unit
« Reply #36 on: 02-09-2005 19:52 »

I meant wickedry, but I'm not sure thats a word either. Told you it needed work.
And Gorky, you do have a life. It's to entertain us with your great poems. So you ARE doing something productive, if that makes any sense. And if it doesn't, I'm running a fever and probably delerious anyway.

« Reply #37 on: 02-09-2005 22:09 »

The crustatious doctor named Zoidy,
With a coating we'd call chitiny,
With a sack full of goo,
(and he spoke like a Jew)
He was everyone's schadefreude.

Arrg. That was lame
say what now

Bending Unit
« Reply #38 on: 02-09-2005 22:25 »

Schadenfreude! How true! How funny! (I liked the Jew line too).

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #39 on: 04-21-2005 20:13 »

First off, a belated compliment to Shaucker for that great poem (tee, hee, hee...schadenfreude...it's funny 'cause I don't know what it means  ;)).

Anyway, JBERGES left a hint in another thread for someoen to write another poem for this thread, so I have one now, off the top of my head.


"A Captain and His Woman: A Comparison of Captain Zapp Brannigan (Esquire) and Turanga Leela"

By Zapp Brannigan

A captain's got his duties,
And Leela's got her boobies.
Tact I do not lack,
I sure like Leela's rack.
Captain's make good courters,
Now I shall invite Leela to my quarters.


So long!


I don't know what possessed me to write this. In fact, I'm disgusted with myself. I've seen "Love's Labours Lost in Space" too many times. If that poem made you sick...uh...blame Congress...

So long!

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