my first stab at fan fic

[on:]

Hey!  i was bored in class today, so i started to think up a story.  it's a little rough.  tell me what you think.  (you'd have had to see "parasites lost" before reeding this.)

opening seen.  Fry and Leela are in front of the what if machine as the professer aims a blow torch at it.

Professer:  There!  My what if machine is compleatly fixed!  Next time Fry, tell me before you try to wash it in the tolet.

Fry: (mumbles) Nothing I do is apreatiated aroud hear.

Professer: Now, as long as your here, you might as well ax it something.

Fry: Well, I've always wondered what would have hapened if I hadn't been able to get the worms out.

Leela: We'd have all been happier, that's what!

Fry: that's what you think!

Professer: Shut up both of you!  The what if machine will decide who's right.  (speeks into the machine) What if Fry was unable to get the worms out of his body?

the screen pans into the what if machine's hazy monitor. A picture apears.  Fry is standing in front of his Abdula Oblongata with a sword.

Fry: I hope saten has a nice colan, because thats where you'll be living!

the worms stand in shock.  One turns to the king.

Worm: Should we retreat?

King: No!  He's bluffing.  It's one thing to make yourself dumb, quite another to commite suiside.

Fry senses the worms are not going to back down.

Fry: You leave me no choice!

he cuts open the brain and instantly colapses.  The worms screem in terror.

Worm: Only bluffing huh!?

We cut to Leela, wering the neglage, asleep with the book on her face.  She wakes up yawning.

Leela:  huh?  Fry?  Are you back yet? (she lookes out the door) Where IS he?  It's been...(glanses at clock) THREE HOURS!!  what does he need to find out this bad?

Cut to bender's apartment.  Bender is asleep standing up, mumbling about killing humans, when suddenly his head shakes violently and makes a ringing noise.  He wakes with a start.

Bender:  Huh!? Wha!? Whosat!?  Aw MAN, a call at this hour? (bender presses a button on the back of his head labled "phone".) Who is it?

Leela: Bender?  It's me, Leela.

Bender: Leela?  Why the hell are you calling me now?  It's one thirty-five and fifteen seconds in the morning!

Leela: I was wondering if you knew where Fry is?

Bender: Fry? haven't seen the meatbag tonight.  I thought he was on a date with you.  So, did you guys do it?

Leela: (exsperated) It's none of your business weather we did it or not!!!!!  I wan't to know where Fry is!

Bender: He's probably at planet express.  The professer lets him use the bathroom 'cause we never did have one installed.

Leela: Thank you.  Goodbuy.

Well, what do you think so far?  I'll post more when I have time.  Try to ignore my spelling.

[Reply #1 on:]

i'm intrigued. I'd like to know what happened next, however your spelling is a little hard to ignore. You've mixed words up. Like 'Opening seen' should be 'opening scene' and 'around hear' should be 'around here'

[Reply #2 on:]

It's a great idea for a story! Would that be the whole episode or would it be a three parter like the other anthologies of Interest? Good start though! My hat's off to you!

[Reply #3 on:]

It's a good start, but you really could work on your spelling, as Venus said.

[Reply #4 on:]

awesome start i like it

[Reply #5 on:]

Sounds great so far. I can't wait to see what happens next.

[Reply #6 on:]

Yeah, sorry about the spelling.  Thanks for responding.  to anwer the question, it would only be one story, not a three parter.  Well, hear goes nothing.

Leela is standing in front of the plan. ex. building.  She goes in side and knocks on the bathroom door.

Leela: Fry?  Are you in there? (Looks around and sees a light coming from the internet room) Is that you?  Why are you here?  OMYGOD!!  (sees Fry laying on the floor, whering the Virtual Reality clothes.  Bends over him.)  Fry? Wake up Fry!  Fry?  Fry!!  What's wrong with you? (scans Fry with her wrist thing.)  He's dead!  Fry is dead!! 
(crys histericly)

it's he next morning at the planet express.  All the Employees are gathered around fry's body.

Bender: I can't belive he's gone.  I always thought I'D be the one to kill him.

Dr. Zoidberg: It's so strange.  Aside from the worms, he was in perfect health when I examined him.

Leela: That's it!  You killed him, didn't you!?  You probobly removed his liver by acident or something!

Professer: don't get histerical Leela.  Fry's death was a tragic mistery, and always will be.

Amy: Why's that?  couldn't he have an atopsy?

Hermes: Unlikly.  Da company health insurence plan only covers LIVE Employees.

Leela: I'd like some time alone. (everyone else leaves.  Leela is left alone with Fry)
Oooh Fry, How did you die?  Was it murder?  Electroshock?  A forth heart atack?  Oh, if only you could talk. (thinks for a bit.) Wait!!

The screen goes all hazy and we see the professer talking to Bender.  The screen is still a bit fuzy, showing that this is Leela's memory
---------------------------------------------
Bender: I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear.

Professer: No!  Fry can't know anything about the mision, or the worms will try to defend themselfs.  They know everything he knows.
---------------------------------------------
Leela: That IT!  The worms will know how he died. Hold on Fry!

Leela rushes to the internet room and puts on the V.R. gear. 

We cut to the Splacnic Ganglen Room, Where her Robotic self is lying on the ground.  She gets up and enters the Colon.

Well, whatdaya think?  Lunch is almost over so I have to move.  P.S. YOU try and spell Splacnic Ganglean.

[Reply #7 on:]

That's really good. Other than the spelling it's really, really well written. Keep going, I want to read the end now.

[Reply #8 on:]

I'm having troble thinking of an ending to it, but this is what I have so far.

We are in Frys bowel.  It's not a pretty site.  Wormes are mouning and dieing in the streets.  small familys have taken to burning waste matirial for warmth.  several wormes are curled up whimpering in the corners.

Worm 1   : (to Leela)  why are you hear?  where did you come from?

worm 2: lets eat her!

worm 3: she isn't edible you morons!  shes a micro-droid.

Leela:  where is your leader?  I need to ax some questions.

Worm 2: who wants to know?

Leela: lisen you slimy parasites, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

worm 1: well it's none of you business where he is.

worm 3: and were not parasites.  it's a symbiotic relatioship.

Leela:whatever.

one worm rushes her, and she kicks him in the face.  inraged, the other two jump at her.  she grabs one worm by the neck and swings him around, knocking the other uncontions. still holding the worm by the neck she brings him up to her face.

Leela:  NOW TELL ME WHERE YOUR LEADER IS!

Worm : (strangled) thataway. (points)

Leela is in the great hall of the mayor.  due to there short life span, he already looks old.

Leela: is it true that you worms know everything Fry knows?

mayor: that's a common misconseption.  we know all the FACTS that he knows.  we are at a loss as to understanding his emotions.

Leela: but you know how he died, right?

mayor: know?  I saw it personely.  frankly I didn't think he was that deperate.  well, live and learn.

Leela: what?  What are you talking about?  What do you mean deperate?

Mayor: do you remember what Fry's words to you were?

Leela: yeh.  He said "there's something I have to find out."

Mayor: what do you think he meant by that

Leela: I dont know!  Why does it matter?  just tell me how he died!

Mayor: It matters alot, and it's more fun this way.  I like jerking you around.  life hasn't exactly been a barrel of lafes sence my empire crumbled.  But if you want the short version, fine.  he killed himself.

Leela: WHAT!!!  I don't beleive it!  He'd never...how'd he do it?  why?  when did he do it?  what?

mayor: oh, so NOW we want the detales do we?  I thought you told me to get to the point.  very well I'll explane everything.

well he'll have to explain everything next time because I have to get to class.


------------------
(Sigh). Yes sir.

[Reply #9 on:]

I'm not writing anymore, untill I hear some comments.  they can be negative comments, I don't care!     As long as I know someone is reading this and I'm not just babbling to myself.

[Reply #10 on:]

I'm reading it! I love it so far. I wanna see shippiness! And i want to see how the real Fry and Leela react to what they are seeing on the what-if machine.

[Reply #11 on:]

its good so far except for the spelling.

PS venus you always wanna see shippiness! i think that Leela should hate Fry even more for some reason. Nah im just kiddig yah, GO GO RELATIONSHIP!

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
I want to see how the real Fry and Leela react to what they are seeing on the what-if machine.

  Second.   

Pretty good stuff so far, definately has potential.  I'd like to see where you go with this, just work on the spelling a bit…


EDIT:  Uh...I mean "definitely"  (In Communist Russia, irony irons you!)

[Reply #13 on:]

okay, I'm writing again.  just had to do the insecure chick thing.    I'm going for shippyness, but it's hard when one party is dead.  well, hear goes nothing.

(to recap, the mayor is explaining fry's death to leela.)

Mayor: I beleive the common questions to answer are who, what, when, where, why and how.  I'll answer them all in no particular order.(sneezes)

Leela: could you hury this up?  you look like you could die at any time.

Mayor: No!  Now, what would be a sword thougtessly riped from my family crest.  When is about one in the morning.  who would be a micro-droid of fry.  where is in the brain, and how is by sliceing open his mendula oblongata which is, for you ignorent pigs out there...

Leela: Hey!

Mayor:  ...the secion of the brain that keeps you breathing and your heart beating.  now the why is the most interesting part of course.  He wanted all of us to leave, and said he'd kill himself if we didn't.  The idea!

Leela: What!  Why would he want to get rid of you?  you've improved him so much...

Mayor: that's why he wanted to be rid of us.  He said he needed to find out weather a perticular young lady loved him, or what we made of him.  I asume you are the young lady in quesion?

Leela: (gasps) so that's wat he had to find out.  but...but...I don't belive it!  I think you killed him.

Mayor: I thought you might say something like that.  You can see for yourself.  his body is still in the brain.
(Leela runs off)
Mayor: (yelling) you'll have to take the stairs!  the elevator's broken!

Leela runs past crowds of dieing worms, up a cenral nerve, and into the brain.  there she spots fry's micro-driod motionless on the floor with the sword still in his hand.

Leela: (weeping uncontrolebly) Oh, Fry!  You didn't have to do this for me.  you didn't...you didn't...you didn't....

the cammra pulles out of an overhead shot of Leela bent over fry's body.  The sreen disolves into purple haze, and we're back with Fry, Leela and the professer.  Leela is staring slack-jawed at the what-if machine.

Fry: Well Leela, still think we'd all be better off?

Leela: (stuned) No...No I don't. (hugs Fry)

Professer: enough of this touchy-feely crap!  I don't know why I keep it around if this machine is just going to show me romatic gunk. (chucks what-if matchine out the window.  Leela screems.) And that's the end of that.

and so it is!  I hope you liked it.   

[Reply #14 on:]

I liked it.  You could use a proofreader, though. 

[Reply #15 on:]

how bought you? 

[Reply #16 on:]

 

Originally posted by kiffan:
how bought you?   

You mean "how 'bout you?".   

[Reply #17 on:]

See?  you're a natural! 

[Reply #18 on:]

I suppose I could do that.  Let me know if you want me to.

[Reply #19 on:]

Pretty good! Quite short! Ending could have been a bit more dragged out and you could have used a proofreader but apart from that it was great!

[Reply #20 on:]

i agree, the ending should have been longer, but otherwise A+

[Reply #21 on:]

great story i liked id give it a 10!
keep it up on the good stories.