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: Fanscript: The Perks of a Starship Captain  (Read 731 times)
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Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« : 05-04-2004 14:46 »
« : 05-04-2004 14:46 »

I have a new fanscript but i do not know how to get it onto here is it simply a matter of copy and paste or can you add it like an attachment in an e-mail?

By the way don't feel offended if i don't reply until tomorrow but it is 9:50pm here in England and i have a test tomorrow! Feel free to tell me what to do though!
Dr. Morberg

« #1 : 05-04-2004 14:52 »

You just copy and paste it.
Kif White

Bending Unit
« #2 : 05-04-2004 20:47 »

Or better yet, especially if it's fairly large, send it to The Leela Zone and then you can link it here.  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/smile.gif">
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #3 : 05-05-2004 08:48 »
« : 05-16-2004 22:00 »

Here we go then:

Futurama Fanscript: The Perks of a Starship Captain.

N.B I do not own any rights to any futurama characters, settings or anything else in conjunction with futurama and I do not wish to get my butt sued I do this purely out of the sheer joy I get from writing!

Futurama intro: (Slogan: Only program broadcast across the universe in &#8719;-D)

(Zoom in on planet express)

Bender: (Sounds excited) Oh my god you are not gonna believe it!
Fry: (also excited) What, what have I won the lottery!
Bender: (sarcastic) Yeh whatever!
Fry: (ecstatic) Oh my god! (Flicks on TV. Bender rolls his eyes and walks out)
Morbo:  And tonights winning lottery numbers were: 36, 24, 36, 12, 36, 36 and 0. (angry) Pathetic humans your pitiful concept of hope and fate is laughable (laughs evilly)
Linda: (laughs innocently) Yes Morbo you seem to have us there! In other news Zapp Brannigan along with Planet Earthís military forces are being sent their new uniforms today, whilst on their way to almost certain horrible, gruesome dea- (Fry turns off the Television and wanders through to the conference room where Zoidberg is staring and cowering away from a fish bowl)
Fry: Whatís up Zoidberg?
Zoidberg: (Scared) Quiet Fry, I'm having a dilemma! Do I eat my pet pirahna because I haven't eaten for weeks?
Fry: Yeh if you are that hungry then have it for a snack!
Zoidberg: What? My lovely pet pirahna? I could never do that to poor Jeffrey here!(starts stroking the pirahna with his tendrils)
Fry: (rolls his eyes and walks off) Crazy lobster!
Zoidberg: (very dramatic) Oh what a conundrum! Whether to eat my poor defenselees little pet!(Zoidberg still stroking the pirahna suddenly squeals and we see him running and imitating the three stooges with the pirahna firmly clamped by the teeth to ZOidberg's tendrils he runs past the shower where we stop to see Leela washing)
Leela: (humming! The professor pops up in his labcoat which continues to get drenched) Aaah! Professor! What are you doing here? And I would have thought that if you were going to get into the shower with me then-(short pause) never mind!
Professor: Well you never know!
(Leela turns off the shower and grabs a towel)
Leela: (wrapping it round herself.Dripping) So what is up?
Professor: We have a delivery today! It's in the region of the Defenceless Nebula! It's to Zapp Brannigan and it is the new Uniforms for the DOOP army! I know that you are aquainted with him(raises his eyebrows) so I said you would personnally deliver and model them to and for him respectively!
Leela: No way Jose! Nuh-uh! Never gonna happen!
Professor: You get triple pay and full permission by the head of DOOP to defend yourself in any unusual situation!
Leela: Sign me up!
Professor: Excellent! Sign here!
Leela: OK!
Professor: Now sign this form saying that you will undertake in this mission!
Leela: Hey! What was the other one then?(Signs form)
Professor: Oh nothing! (zooms in on first sheet saying Leela's will. Walks away and trips up dropping Leela's will and it floats elegantly into the shredder)Oh no you don't! (struggles to remove Leela's will from the shredder which growls and eventually pulls the will in and shreds it) Oh poo!
(in the Spaceship. Zoidberg runs in screeching. Pulls the piranha off of his tendrils and hits it against the floor then starts crying like a girl)
Bender: What's up Smelly freak?
Fry: Nothing why do you ask?
Bender: Not you! Fool! The spinally challenged freak?
Zoidberg: (stops crying suddenly) Oh I just concussed Jeffrey!
Fry: I guess that means you can eat him now!
Zoidberg: Yes! That plan makes perfect sense! And Jeffrey would never know! (evil laugh and eats fish)
Leela: Looks like Zoidberg is coming with us on this mission!
Zoidberg: Woohoo! I get to be helpful! What do I do? What do I do?
Bender: You get to model the new uniforms for the DOOP army before they go to war with  the unarmed peaceful people otherwise known the Luther-Kingians!
Zoidberg: (confused but goes with it) Hooray!
Leela: Thanks Bender now I donít have to do it!
Zoidberg: Just one question what does this uniform look like?
Leela: We are not allowed to take them out of the boxes but there are pictures of Zapp modeling them on the internet! Just search for Zapp new uniform on my Palm top computer! (hands him wrist thing)
Zoidberg: (worried and quiet) Zapp new uniform! (Palm top comes up with a very majestic picture of Zapp Brannigan with the full new uniform which is white velour like the dinner suit from Amazonian women in the mood! As zoidberg scrolls down there are more and more pictures of Zapp with less and less of the uniform on him) Now there is a majestic and noble man! He is worthy of my modeling abilities! (Zoidberg begins to strut)
Leela: (takes it back and presses a button) Ugh put it away! (Image disappears)
Fry: (amazed) Wow Zoidberg I didnít know you could model!
Zoidberg: (feeling honored) Well yes I did do a bit of (shifty eyes) modeling back when I had to get through medical school! (waves both his arms) Zoidberg bare to the exoskeleton! (starts flash back)
Bender: (confused and kind of grossed out) O.k lets get this show on the road before King crab over there starts turning that flashback into reality!
Leela: Starting engines! Everyone buckle up!
Zoidberg: Wait a second I'm not strapped in yet!
Bender: Too late!(pushes a button)(View of ship which quickly is tilted upwards to get ready for take off! In the bridge we see Zoidberg go flying back and we hear him scream. Bender chuckles! The planet express ship flys into a dark night sky)
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #4 : 05-05-2004 08:49 »
« : 05-26-2004 22:00 »

----------------Scene break--------------------

(Zoom in on Nimbus to Zapp Branniganís ďLovenasium" where Zapp is modeling the new Uniform for Kif)
Zapp: These new Uniforms are a sexy blend of velour and the most sensual cotton! What kind of craftsman designed all these!
Kif : (Flashback! Kif is toiling over the first Uniform! Zapp is standing over him with a whip) Do you not remember sir?
Zapp: I can't rememeber every little thing that happens in my life my boy! Now help me fit into this one!
Kif: But this is a large size!
Zapp: Is that a problem!
Kif : (muttering under his breath) It is for you, Space-hippo!
Zapp: What was that Kif?
Kif: Oh nothing sir! May I suggest we open one of the larger boxes though!
Zapp: Oh go ahead! This would never fit you anyway!
Kif : (groans! View of boxes! They are lined up in size order and go "Large, Extra Large, XXL, Super large, Space Cow and Gargantuan)
Zapp: That will do the Super Large!
Kif: (gets a Super Large out. Zapp starts undressing) Here we go!(turns round to see Zapp! Shudders and groans) Please warn me before you are going to do that again sir!
Zapp: Pass it here lad! (starts to stretch it around his waist) You know its all muscle and man muscle down there Kif! No fat!
Kif: (groans)
Zapp: How do I look boy?
Kif: Like an over-inflated bouncy Elvis!
Zapp: Amazing! And I can't wait until I have Leela modelling it for me this evening!(admiring himself in a mirror) Hey Kif come over here! I need someone to spank me to see if these new Uniforms feel good on the voluptuous Hiney!
Kif: (very very unhappy) Do I have to sir!
Zapp: (a little annoyed) Come now, my green squishy boy, or I will demote you under direct breach of rule 1. Failure to carry out a direct order (short pause) to spank. Now chop chop!
(Kif groans. Walks up to Zapp and just as he is about to spank him an alarm goes off.)
Zapp:  Well no matter at least Iím still wearing velour.(starts to stroke uniform) And you know what they say the next best thing to wearing velour is not wearing anything at all, and making it with a women, (a short pause) that is wearing velour!
Kif: Who says that sir?
Zapp: I do! And you should! Anyway Kif what do you think the Democratic Order of Planets would say about a naked army!
Kif: I donít think that would be very (short pause) fun or very appropriate!
Zapp: Youíre probably right Kiff! Damn shame though! Also itís a shame that the people from The planet Amazonia arenít allowed in the DOOP Army!
Kif: Yes a damn shame! (alarm rings with a different sound now and lights all around Zapps room are flashing)
Zapp: (aroused and shocked) The Leela alarm! Kif this is not a drill! Gimme fifty cc's of Breath mints stat!
Kif: (groans! Zooms out of the window into the blackness of space)
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #5 : 05-05-2004 08:51 »
« : 05-26-2004 22:00 »

--------------Scene Break-----------------------

(Zoom in on planet express bridge.)
Leela : (to zoidberg) So remember if Zapp asks I am ill with the Space plague which is very contagious and deadly!
Fry: He'll never believe that!
Leela: Good point! Ok then new excuse (Leela thinks) Tell him i'm dead!
Zoidberg: Gotcha! Do these suits have to be so tight around the Buttocks though?
Leela: You know Zapp!
Bender: No! He doesn't! But you do don't you Leela! (chuckles. Leela throws Zoidberg at Bender)
Bender & Zoidberg: Ow!
Fry: Now get out there Zoidberg and strut your funky stuff!
(Zoidberg scuuttles out imitating three stooges! Leela and Bender look at Fry)
Fry: What?
Leela: (releaved) Well at least now that disgusting smelly creature is on the Nimbus where he canít annoy me (short pause) and Zoidberg has gone to model for him.
Fry: Should we go to watch?
Bender: (surprised) What us? Go watch a disgusting lobster, model an ugly piece of velour. (short pause) Ok why not!
(zoom in on same room as in War is the H-word where Nixon says ďThis is the brass ring folksĒ. Zoidberg is modeling the new Uniform. Everyone in the audience is completely grossed out by Zoidberg. Except Zapp Brannigan who is jumping up and down and clapping)
Omni: Oh its horrible! My eyes are burning! So is my nose! (zoom in on DOOP soldier 1)
DOOP soldier 1: I canít stand to watch any longer! (we see he is sitting behind Zapp)
Zapp: (turns round and talks to the audience) So what do you think? (everyone in the audience Booís!) Ok then I deem them (a small pause) a velourificated success! (more boos from the audience)
Leela: (about Zapp) What a Jackass!
Zapp: (still speaking to audience. Hears Kif groan) Enough of your back sass Kif you refused a direct order and now this. I will bust you lower then my underpants on weekends.
Kif: (outraged) This is the final straw. My fellow soldiers I do not understand how this oaf became Captain but I say it stops now. (silence and small pause) I mean if you donít have anything else to do!
DOOP soldier 2: The green squishy dude is right!
DOOP soldier 3: Yeh we should rebel!
(Kif Climbs up to podium and pushes Zoidberg of the stage where he crowdsurfs back to Fry and Leela)
Zoidberg: So i'm a good model now then? Hmm (falls to the floor just in front of Fry and Leela)Oof!
Kif: My fellow soldiers! For many a year this Space-hippo has baffled and astounded me with his stupidity! (Zapps looks confused)I will start using tactics other than suicide and women will be allowed back into the army! (cheers from the audience)
Zapp: (climbs up on to stage) Wait a second! You would choose this squishy punk with his ideas of equality and preserving life, over my ideals of a sexy, sensuous, seductive mmmm(starts stroking himself then jolts) um velour army?
(cricket noise. Kif pushes Zapp on to the crowd)
Zapp: They chose me!
Kif: Send him to the brig!
Zapp: Huh!
Leela: Iím proud of Kif he has finally stood up to that pompous oaf! Now maybe the DOOP army will do some good now! (a DOOP soldier shouts ďAnd kill that stupid shellfish tooĒ. Zoidberg runs past whooping)
Fry: I guess that is our cue to leave.

----------------------------------Scene Break------------------------------------------
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #6 : 05-05-2004 08:52 »
« : 05-21-2004 22:00 »

(back at planet express. In meeting room)

Amy: (on video phone to Kif) Wow my little green squish muffin Iím so proud of you for getting rid of that stupid lard pile!
Kif: I know it was exhilarating! The thrill of finally relieving that oafish buffoon of his duties! It was so fun it made me giggle like a school girl in my quarters for an hour! But now I am in Command!(Puffs out his chest trying to act tough)
DOOP Soldier Number 4: (Walks up behind Kif! He has a manly voice compared to Kif) Sir!
Kif : (Screams) Oh its just my Second in command! Excuse us for a moment Amy! What is it Captain Smatticus!
Smatticus: The troops are tired and full of pies from Zapps training methods! May I suggest that as your first act as Captain could you please introduce a new Style of training! Also you have a lot of experience in close quarters armed combat! The men would like you to share some of your secrets!
Kif: Ok captain! Tell all those who wish to learn under me to meet me in the Pie room in 20 minutes! Mean while I will have to think of a new training regime for the men!(turns to Amy who is playing "Tetris" on her Wrist thingy) Iíve got to go now the troops need me! (turns away.)
Amy: Ok Kiffy! (starts to grumble about not having time and goes over to the table and picks up a small black book entitled Cheap guys)
Kif: (turns back)Oh and Zoidberg! (Zoidberg looks up and grunts) The men ask how do you get the smell of sardines out of the uniforms.
Zoidberg: Well first what you do is (Bender changes the Channel. Is changed to &#8730;2 News. Linda is sitting down at the news desk and there is a picture of Zapp as a hobo)
Linda: Now after 7 foolish years of being in control of the DOOP army, General Weevilo Zapp Brannigan has been overthrown by a more competent Kif Kroker. We have no idea how Zapp is coping with the loss of his job. So lets ask him. Morbo!
Morbo: Thank-you Linda. Now Puny human how are you coping with the tragic loss of your job and rank.
Zapp: I donít know what I did wrong I mean sure I blew up the DOOP hq, insulted the Neutral people of the neutral planet, almost killed their leader and spent all my military pension on porno but is that not what every honest man in my shoes would do.
Morbo: Indeed. Morbo is gladdened that one of the most powerful armies is no longer under the control of this oafish buffoon. It will make destroying it all that more deliciously entertaining for my race. (angrily) Transmission over.
Linda: Funny words Morbo. Now let us turn to the new Commander of the DOOP army. Captain Kif Kroker by videophone.
Kif: Hello Linda.
Linda: Hi! So you are the new Captain of the DOOP army then? What improvements will you bring about?
Kif: Well for one no-one will have to wear these silly velour uniforms. Secondly women will be allowed back in the army and thirdly (explosion rocks ship) Oh god what is going on! (Static)
(In planet Express)
Amy: Oh no my Kiffy Pie!
Linda: Well we have no other news so good night! (Bender switches off the Television)

---------------------------------------------Scene Break--------------------------------------------
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #7 : 05-05-2004 08:54 »
« : 05-31-2004 22:00 »

---------------------------------------------Scene Break--------------------------------------------

(In Omicronian ship in Conference room. Kif and Omicronians are sitting around a very odd shaped table. Kif looks very scared.)
Lrrr: What do you think you are doing you pathetic squishy creature?
Kif: (trembling and sweating) Cowering in fear! I thought it was obvious! I was trembling and everything!
Ndnd: (angrily) No I mean why did you overthrow Zapp Brannigan?
Kif: (surprised) Huh!
Lrrr: You see we, the Omicronians, all powerful rulers of the Universe, are the real leaders of DOOP. The neutral planet has a long running peace Treaty with our home planet of Omicron Perseii 8. We managed to snag them in their early stages of development! We have a strangle hold on them, as well as a great amount of shares in Momcorp.! But that doesn't matter! Since the Neutrals are so powerful in the Democratic Order of Planets,
Kif: (butting in confidently and slightly sarcastically) I know what DOOP stands for!
Brqq: (an Omicronian Bodyguard who looks very strong and muscular) Quiet!
Kif: Sorry!
Lrrr: As I was saying, we have a stranglehold practically over DOOP and therefore we prepare it for the eventual takeover by our species.
Kif: Why would you need a stranglehold over DOOP though?
Lrr: Why the hell do you think?
Kif: Because you like politics?
Lrr: Because we are planning an invasion you moron!
Kif: Oh! Wait a minute! You are a powerful race that has almost wiped out humanity a couple of times why have you not already taken over DOOP?
Lrrr: Well we have been trying to recover our numbers since radioactive space Bats terrorized our population! Plus those times we were just trying to Impress the other planets!
Kif: Oh! Well I guess you will want to kill me then!
Lrrr: What and make a stain all over the freshly washed carpet? Do you know how much it costs to rent the Carpet master 3000?
Kif: So what do you want me to do?
(Lrrr whispers something incoherently in Kifs ear) You want me to pick up your dry cleaning?
Lrrr: Yes but then we want you to admit to the whole Universe that you were wrong to get rid of that suicidal moron! We already have the speech planned out for you and everything with all the big words spelt how they sound!
Kif: You mean Phoenetically?
Lrrr: Quiet yourself and your BIG words!
Kif: I can't do that! DOOP will be practically defenceless!
Lrrr: We know that! That was our plan in the first place! Now are you going to do it or are you going to do it(angrily) NOW? DECIDE
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #8 : 05-05-2004 09:56 »
« : 05-16-2004 22:00 »

--------------------------------------------Scene Break---------------------------------------------

(Bender again turns on TV. A couple of hours have passed. Amy is sitting by her phone looking upset)
Fry: (To Amy) Are you still upset about Kif?
Amy: No Iím over him! But Armando just turned me down!
Bender: (shouting) Hey everyone come quick Kif is on TV.
Amy: So heís not dead? (hopeful)
Bender: How should I know Iím not the pope am I?
(Zoom in on TV)
Kif: My final statement as captain shall be this. None of my policies are working. And though I am sure I will regret this in later life, I reinstate (gulps) our former captain. Zapp Brannigan.
Leela: (clearly outraged) What!
Everyone else: (also clearly outraged) What is he doing?
Zapp: Back on top after 1 miserable day of solitude in the Laundry Brig! I hereby get rid of all the changes made by Kif and give him his old job back! (Kif looks happy that he isnít fired) Now I must be off! (walks off but you can still here) Kif bring me my old uniform. And some foot cream!
Kif: (groans)

The End
 Please tell me what you think because it is my first fanfic.
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #9 : 05-06-2004 08:28 »

Why is no-one replying?  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/frown.gif">

Starship Captain
« #10 : 05-06-2004 09:58 »

you know you could have put all that in one post

« #11 : 05-06-2004 10:43 »

not bad, quite like the idea of Kiff being captain
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #12 : 05-14-2004 12:40 »

*bump* Why has no-one else replied? I would like people to let me know what they think!
Nasty Pasty

DOOP Secretary
« #13 : 05-14-2004 14:45 »

i like the story too. Nice twist of Kif being captain. No need to get pissy Sm@.

Starship Captain
« #14 : 05-14-2004 15:17 »

If they don't want to reply, then they won't. Also, as Sal said, you didn't have to post so many times in a row.

Urban Legend
« #15 : 05-14-2004 15:26 »

Well, this is definitely a good idea for a story.  The plot seems a little rushed, though.  If you wanted to, Iíd suggest you go back and add a few scenes.  Making this fanfic longer would make it much better.

Bending Unit
« #16 : 05-14-2004 15:45 »
« : 05-14-2004 15:45 »

that was nice, i liked it, i especially liked kiff finally standing up to zapp, you got the characters perfect too, and showing amy as a slut when she thinks kif is dead and a few hours later she's whinning about some one else turning her down, but you could have put that in one post

ps. you are too impatient, people will respond, just wait
3/4 of a Jesus

Starship Captain
« #17 : 05-14-2004 16:21 »

"I will bust you lower then my underpants on weekends."
haha that's definitely the best line!

I agree with JBERGES, good ideas, and the story is good, and you nailed the characters, but can you expand it? I love it and would love to see more.  :D good job
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« #18 : 05-17-2004 13:52 »
« : 05-21-2004 22:00 »

*bump* Padded the story out a little and any constructive criticism or praise would be greatly apreciated! Thanks again!
Yay managed to work me into it woohoo!
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