Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!

[Reply #400 on:]

Nuts.

[Reply #401 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:

boingo2000:  Hope you catch this update, seeing as I haven’t seen you post in a while.

Caught it!

 

(Leela’s looks not only like she has seen a ghost, but like said ghost just called her fat)

Planet Express is haunted... by insult comics!

 

(Fry enters the office, and spies someone bent over, possibly tying their shoe, behind the desk; only a shapely rear-end is visible)

Fry: (same pleased grunt as in SP3K)

(The person stands up and faces Fry)

Ipgee: Good afternoon.

Fry: (same shocked retch of disgust as in SP3K)

That would have been a great reveal, had I remembered who Ipgee was in time.

 

Ipgee: You've been assigned the job you're best at, just like everyone else. Everyone does the one job they are destined to do.

Fry: Then why did you say the controls weren’t your job?

Ipgee:  Yes, I suppose this is not really the best example of how our society works.

 

Fry:  Is picking up food part of her destiny job?

Ipgee: No, it... (he boils-over) Stop asking sensible questions and let me stab you with this career designation gun!

 

 

Man at Tube:  Plasma Hotel.

Is that supposed to be a joke, or just sound futuristic?  'Cause if it's a joke, I don't get it.

 

(Ipgee, finally catching up, blindsides Fry from off camera, but is unable to deploy his device as both men are sucked up into the vacuum cylinder.  What follows is an invariable ballet of close-quarters shuffling and wrestling, as the two dart past a few of the sights Fry passed in SP3K.  Fry screams throughout, but there’s a twinge of elation in his horror)

I wish, I wish I could see that animated.

 

(Leela tries the door, but finds it locked. Meanwhile, Ipgee dashes by just outside)

Sal:  Pays up.

For some reason, I think of Sal as the cab driver from After Hours for this segment.

 

Bender:  C’mon people!  Even in death you’re irritating me! (He taps his foot cuff)

Aren't they called "foot cups"?

 

Bender (profound):  That’s it!  I shall start a new life.  All of mankind has depressed me by forcing me to build suicide booths, and now they will, I mean shall, suffer! All shall fear me, and I shall be known as... Super K-  ouch! (He is crushed by a falling woman and a wheeled cart loaded with office supplies.  Another pause. The pile of debris doesn’t stir) 

(Sal walks by.  He has two bags of food in his hands)

Sal: Super Couch?  That’s not too goods of a name...  (He laughs and walks away)

 

Silence!  You dare mock the almighty Super Couch?  Mend your ways, puny mortal, or you shall face the wrath of The Loveseat Lad!

 

Announcer: Needlessly violent!  Where else will you see your favorite characters die than in this, and possibly other TALES OF INTEREST?!

More death in the next tale?  I want it I want it I want it!

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:
I'm still taken aback by boingo's distaste for the waffle joke.

Hey, don't go putting words in my mouth.  I never said "distaste", I just said it didn't play for me.  I understand how the situation is funny, but I just couldn't picture the execution properly in my head.

*All above comments are opinions of boingo2000.  No matter what Tounge Luck tries to claim as her idea.*

[Reply #402 on:]

That was funny, JBERGES. Not funny in the outrageous-and/or-just-funny-'cause-it-is way that many of your fics are, but in the subtle-witty comedy that made Futurama so great. (Not to say that you don't write that sort of humor--boy oh boy, do you ever--it's just that the latter isn't the kind of comedy you laugh uproariously at (like so much of your other stuff). It's the kind that, like say what now said, makes you smile and think and admire the writer for being so awesome.)

Anyway, on to the reviewing. (For future reference, in the book of Gorky Terminology, a "review" is defined as "a bunch of quotes and bits that people have already drawn attention to, bundled together and followed by totally pointless explanations as to why each gag was funny". No confusion now, right?)

 

(Amy’s face is filled with ardor, while Leela’s looks not only like she has seen a ghost, but like said ghost just called her fat)

I admire anybody that can make stage direction and scene description just as funny as the dialogue. Kudos on that--it got a laugh from me.

 

Farnsworth: Well, if we follow the current trend, alphabetically from A to Zoidberg...

Zoidberg: Aww...

Farnsworth: It appears to be Fry’s turn.

Hermes: What?! Dat doesn’t even-

Farnsworth: Don’t argue with me, Hermes Conrad, I’m old!

(A pause)

Bender (surprised): He’s right!

Not only is "A to Zoidberg" funny, but I like the pause before Bender's line. Great stuff.

 

(Fry enters the office, and spies someone bent over, possibly tying their shoe, behind the desk; only a shapely rear-end is visible)

Fry: (same pleased grunt as in SP3K)

(The person stands up and faces Fry)

Ipgee: Good afternoon.

Fry: (same shocked retch of disgust as in SP3K)

As others have said, I loved the way you took lines and...stuff from SP3K and twisted them around, making them even funnier than before. Perhaps that was the funniest instance of that of all.

 

Ipgee: I am Ipgee. OK then, enough mindless banter. You need a fate faster than Leela needs a date.

Fry: Huh?

Ipgee: I assure you, Mr. Fry, My childish joke to myself is of no importance to you.

I've always liked Ipgee, because he reminds me of Apu. That was funny to begin with, but when you hear Igpee's voice in your head saying it, it's even better. Also, I dig the assonance you got goin' on there, man.

 

Igpee (oddly calm): It means pick a God and start praying! (He closes his eyes)

Okay, I think I've heard that somewhere before, but I can't remember where (I feel stupid because of this, but I feel stupid all the time, so no biggie). Either way, I like it.

 

Sal: What’s belittlin’ abouts it? What’s belittlin’ is the systems wes got. I drives a cab, but I also dos other things my career chip don’t specifies.

Leela: I could report you for that.

Sal (unimpressed): But you won’ts.

Leela: (sigh) Yeah...

For some reason, that's really Futurama-y to me (especially Leela's sort of passive sigh). It's funny, but it's also a nice call out of the career chips and of Sals innumberable professions.

 

Leela (alert): A runner?!

Like Tongue Luck, I immediately started thinking "Logan's Run". I'm guessing it's a reference, but if it's not, I'm still strangely satisfied.

 

Bender (weakly) Lousy piece of junk... humans must be really easy to kill.

That's one of those "it's funny just because it's there" things. It just sounds like something Bender would say. Nice job.

 

Bender (profound): That’s it! I shall start a new life. All of mankind has depressed me by forcing me to build suicide booths, and now they will, I mean shall, suffer! All shall fear me, and I shall be known as... Super K- ouch! (He is crushed by a falling woman and a wheeled cart loaded with office supplies. Another pause. The pile of debris doesn’t stir)

(Sal walks by. He has two bags of food in his hands)

Sal: Super Couch? That’s not too goods of a name... (He laughs and walks away)

I love how he's so profound. I can sort of imagine an American flag waving behind him in the background, accompanied by a patriotic diddy on the kazoo. Funny. Funny indeed.
 
 

Announcer: Needlessly violent! Where else will you see your favorite characters die than in this, and possibly other TALES OF INTEREST?!

I dig all the announcer bits, but that one was great.

What else is there to say? Oh yeah, I like how you tied all three characters in, and that, even though they didn't actually meet, Fry, Bender, and Leela all affected one another's fates. That's great writing if I've ever seen it.

Can't wait for more, as always.

 

 

[Reply #403 on:]

Hi. I read your fic. It was good! It was a good way to spend ten minutes. Now, that's enough.

I swear, this post had a purpose.

[Reply #404 on:]

DrT:  OK, I’ll come clean.  That joke was forced because I changed it at the last second.  The original line was just too close to something out of Blazing Saddles.  Apologies for not visiting your thread more often.  I will read the rest of your fic soon.

Venus:  Huzzah for success in my attempts to write a realistic reaction to necrophilia!  It’s something I luckily haven’t seen much.

Tongue:     

Haven't quite figured out why I found that funny, but I did. Also, I'm not sure what to make of Fry getting the amount of years correct this time.

You found it funny because it’s a quirky phraseology, and you love quirky phraseologies.  As for getting the years correct, I did it for two reasons.  One, to confuse the readers.  Two, I thought maybe, just maybe, Fry would’ve been thinking a bit straighter if he wasn’t looking at a one-eyed female and hadn’t just got hit in the head with a door.  I mean, he’s usually not that dumb.

Philp_J_Fry:  Glad you like it.  Also glad the announcer lines are going over OK, I always get stuck at the end of section trying to think of one...

say what now:  “funny... just in a different sense.”  I like that... yeah, that’s what I’ll go with.  Works for me, thanks for reading.

SJM:  You, sir, have impugned me fair and square.  I knew all that Simpsons watching would get to me eventually.  Well, the joke is staying, because like it.  Thanks for reminding me to watch Homer the Vigilante again, it’s one of my favorite episodes.  “No, no. Dig UP stupid!”  See TL's reply for the 1000 year explanation.

M0le:  You know your Simpsons well.  Nice work.  Not sure if everyone will die in the next one yet...

Boingo:  I think you’re right.  What the hell are foot cuffs anyway? I imagine the scene you made reference to would be better to see animated... maybe a friendly artist can draw a picture for you?  EDIT:  Oh, right, and the "Plasma Hotel" was a pun on the "Plaza Hotel" in NYC.

Gorky: I'm glad you could hear Ipgee's voice saying his lines.  That's really what half the humor in the section was based on.  Anything he says, if said with the right inflection, is funny.  The Logan's run thing... I didn't do on purpose... but I think I did it subconsciously.  Doesn't that make me even more of a dork? 

Kloudes:  Ha, an inside joke!  On PEEL!  Those people who aren’t me or you are Sooooo missing out!     
[/small]

No clue when the next part will be out.  School’s starting to put on the clamps. (THE CLAMPS!!!)  so I don’t have much free time.  I’ll try my best to pick a third idea and run with it.  Thanks for your patience.

[Reply #405 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
j_ohanley:  I thought you were gone forever!  Thanks for popping up again!  That is so great that you used a line I wrote and made your friends laugh.  More people should do that, because it- hey... how did you know I like Leslie Nielson?!

I didn't realize I was prominent enough to be missed whenever I disappear for a while. Thanks for making me feel special. And who doesn't like Leslie Nielson? Well, Airplane/Police Squad/Naked Gun Nielson, not Spy Hard/Space Travesty/Scary Movie 3 Nielson.

I'd do the long list of my favorite quotes from your latest part, but everybody else said it better. Kudos on your latest installment of Anthology of Interest 2.7324whatzit.

[Reply #406 on:]

I know I'm late, but I'm still allowed to peek in, y'know, just to say I liked it. Which I did. Very much. It's like you have this unique writing style, something I've seen read in all of your fics. But what exactly...I dunno. But I like it, and that what's matter.
The last part was brill, especially because part where everyone dies! Mwahaha!
*cough*

[Reply #407 on:]

 

Originally posted by boingo2000:
 Hey, don't go putting words in my mouth.  I never said "distaste", I just said it didn't play for me.  I understand how the situation is funny, but I just couldn't picture the execution properly in my head.

Ah, you're right; I overreacted.  I apologize and promise not to make unfounded accusations in the future, you waffle-hating dork.

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
DrT: OK, I’ll come clean. That joke was forced because I changed it at the last second. The original line was just too close to something out of Blazing Saddles. Apologies for not visiting your thread more often. I will read the rest of your fic soon.

Hey, there are worse movies to quote.  If you can recall, what was the original line?  Or do I have to buy the Special Edition Director's Cut?

P.S. Don't worry about my story.  It's over.

[Reply #408 on:]

Yeah, I know, but I still wanna read it and say something.  Might take a little while, but I will; it's a good fanfic, and deserves praise, no matter how delayed.

Here's your quote:
 

Taggart: Send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said (He gets hit over the head) Ow!

Lyle: Send wire, main office, tell them I said 'Ow'. Gotcha.

You can easily see how I inadvertently bastardized that to fit my story.

Uh... in other news, I'm going to open the Word document that contains my story for the first time since I posted the last section.  Let's see if anything good comes out of it...

[Reply #409 on:]

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Music Update!!

Well, since so many people have taken a liking to that song I posted in Layla’s thread, here’s a list of all the songs I’ve made so far for the Futurama game

1:

Futurama Suite: Even slower and more depressing than the one in Layla’s thread.
2:PE Ship:  In the demo.
3:Wasteland:  In the demo.
4: The Search:  Faster Music
5: Leela’s Lament : The one From Layla’s thread

And the two works in progress:
6: Song 6
7: Song 7
[/list]

Any and all types of feedback are appreciated.

<Listens to JBERGES music>

Oh

My

Gawd!

I've been away from PEEL far too long: I take my eyes off of you for a little while, and not only do you pen, what? Four killer fic's, but write 40 freakin' minutes of professional quality, knock'em dead, [EXPLETIVES DELETED] excellent music!

While I struggle with my own fic's, not only are yours bursting forth like popcorn at a matinee, you find the time to write original Futurama music?

You sir have my respect!

Though, I haven't yet decided if I love you or hate you for your talents. 
<Note to self: Have the Professor get this stinkin' emotion chip outta' my head before I kill myself.>
But sure as Bender loves booze, I love the results! Especially the music!

I want to encourage you just as much as I can, PUH-LEEZE! Write more Futurama music!

You have a gift- actually two gifts; writing and musical composition. Not meaning to detract one whit from your stories, any fool can write a fic (hell, I can write a fic Though there's a difference between writing and finishing, and another difference between writing a good one and a bad one) but to my knowledge only you and Slaytanic Maggot have written any Futurama music.

I think your music compares well with that of Jon Vangelis or Jean Michel Jarre, both of whom I happen to like. I'd love to hear what other Futurama musical confectionery you might come up with.

Regardless of my rantings, I can't thank you enough!

Keep up the great work: Either in stories, music or both.

Edited cuz' something went wrong the first flamin' time. 

[Reply #410 on:]

EDIT: Ah, you ruined my perfectly good smart-arse response, Space Case. A pox on you, sir!

[Reply #411 on:]

 

*wonders if something is going on I don't know about*

[Reply #412 on:]

Just signed up to say you're great...

PLEASE keep it up!   

[Reply #413 on:]

j_ohanley:  Space Travesty certainly lived up to it’s name... and Naked Gun was awesome.  I totally agree.  Thanks for reading.

AsaB:  Unique writing style?  It’s called “An engineer trying to write a script that’s not javascript.”  Luckily, I think some of the Futurama writers had the same style. But seriously, thank you.

SpaceCase:  Ha, you had me really confused there for a second, but it seems like you’ve gotten everything fixed.  Glad you liked the music, it was a hobby of mine long before writing fanfic was.  I’ll put another song up soon.  Welcome back to PEEL.  By the way, Slaytanic Maggot is now known as RavenStar.

SantaClaws: Hey, thanks for signing up to tell me you’re reading.  Welcome to PEEL.



OK, I churned out this part today, while I should have been studying for a physics midterm.  I have 3 midterms in the next 7 days, meaning you probably won’t be seeing me til spring break.  Wish me luck, and I hope you don’t mind a goofy cliffhanger for a few weeks:

___________________

Part 5

(Cut back to the Planet Express Building.  Camera is on Amy)

Amy: Neat!

 (She looks to her left. Leela is back, and looks even more pallid and traumatized than before)

Amy:  Oh, you’re back?  Did you get to see the end of Fry’s answer?

(Leela slumps unsteadily into a chair)

Zoidberg:  Who’s next?

Farnsworth:  Well, it’s someone who’s been waiting a looong time to ask a question, but hasn’t gotten the chance.  Myself. Now... what to ask...

Hermes:  For cryin’ out loud, mon!  All I wanna know is what would happen if I got a new stapler!  Is that too much to-

(His head is forcibly met by airborne stapler.  He falls like a bowling pin)

Bender (nonchalant):  There, now you know.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe you’ve skipped a very important letter of the alphabet.  B, for Bender, baby...

Farnsworth:  Well, I-

(Bender grabs the screwdriver from his hand and pushes the old man out of the way)
 
Bender (assertive):  Outta the way, I know how to use this thing. (A beat) Now then, I’ve lead an eminent life so far, thanks to my dashing looks and wonderful personality.  But, what would have happened if no one ever installed my in-your-face interface?

(A pause.  Nothing happens)

Bender (blithe):  Oh, right...  ee-yup!

(Bender casually pierces the screen of the What-If Machine with the screwdriver, causing a miniature explosion, and an unusual power surge which electrocutes him.  His eyes snap shut and he hits the ground) 

(Cut to:  Bender’s Vision:  Green text on a black background

DREAM SEQUENCE INITIATED
SCANNING.   .   .   .   .
ORIGINAL SCENARIO NOT FOUND
LOADING BACK-UP PLOT  #42.   .   .   .

(Shot changes to third person:  Bender opens his eyes; they are lacking their usual angry semblance, and instead look quite melancholy)
     
(Bender is in a spaceship that is most definitely not the PE ship.  He enters the bridge to discover a rather motley crew.  Fry and Hermes chat idly over an odd controlling apparatus.  Meanwhile, Leela is being hit on by a noticeably two headed Zapp Brannigan.  Bender tiredly meanders to Zapp’s side)

Bender:  You called?

Zapp:  Uh, yeah.  Listen here now ol’ pal... the toilet in the bathroom is acting really funny... and we were wondering-

Bender: If I could fix it?  Why of course.  I can use myself for spare parts if I need them, and-

Zapp:  No, you don’t understand.  It’s a comic, and it won’t shut up.  Will you just talk to it for a bit? 

Bender:  Oh... I’m not a machine, but a natural tranquilizer then?  I could just stick my head in its mouth and wait until you give me the all-clear.

(Throughout all of this, one of Zapp’s heads has shifted its gaze south of Leela’s neck)

Leela: (Lifting the stray face)  Ahem.  My eye is up here.

Zapp (straightforward): Yes, and your breasts are down there.

Leela (frustrated):  (She pushes his face away and turns around, crossing her arms)  Ugh... I hate it when you undress me with your eyes...

Zapp:  Would you prefer my teeth?  Because I’ve been practicing-

Hermes:  Bender, could you come over here?

Bender (languid): I’ll check.

(He hobbles piteously to Fry and Hermes)

Bender:  I made it.  Any other inane task you need me for?

Hermes:  Yes, could you explain to us again how this thing works?

Bender:  Well, this is the infinite probably drive.

Fry:  We know that, and?

Bender:  Oh, you’re quick ones.  It’s all quite simple.  Just steer in the direction you want to go, and the ship will probably drive that way.  A marvel, really.  It’s so great that you’ve taken the time to understand this machine, yet write me off as the misunderstood one.  If you need me I’ll be in my room, decapitating myself so I have someone to talk to...

(Fry pulls Bender aside before he can leave, as Hermes studies the controls)

Fry: (grasshopper/octopus story telling voice)  Poor, miserable Bender.  Bender, you’ve got to learn to meet some people, take some risks. Do something crazy; have some fun!  My brother Yancy and I had fun for hours when we were kids... some afternoons we would take a brown paper bag, and we’d fill it with dog-doo.  Then, we’d silently walk up someone’s porch, ring the doorbell, and light the bag on fire.  And when the person came, we’d hit them in the face with it.  Ah, those were fun days.  Do you get my point?

Bender:  Oh, yes, I’m simply riveted... of course, that may be because I was riveted together.  Not well, mind you... just enough to keep me from falling apart-

Zapp (shrill):  Everyone!  Battle-stations!

(Zapp and Leela run to a computer mainframe.  Hermes is eventually joined by Bender at the controls.  Fry calmly curls himself into the fetal position in a corner)

Hermes:  What is it?

Zapp:  I don’t know yet!  Something’s coming right at us! 

(Zapp points out a large window to two growing specs in the distance. He activates a control panel, and a familiar voice is heard)

Computer:  Huh- whaa?  What... what is it?

Leela:  Do something for once and tell us who’s heading straight for us!

Computer (crotchety):  Alright, alright, don’t get your necks in a knot. (Computation noises) There are exactly 2.3 missiles headed towards this craft, give or take one.

Leela:  What do we do?

Computer:  Damned if I know, but it had better be something and fast, or we’ll all be blown to douglas atoms!

Zapp:  Buick, evasive maneuvers!

Buick (Hermes): Believe me, I’m tryin’, but it’s not workin’! (He tugs ineffectually at the controls)

Leela:  Computer, what’s going on?

Computer:  Eh...er... how should I know?  Doing that should probably work. (cheerful) Collision in 10 seconds; time to kiss yourselves good-bye!

Zapp: Can do!  (One head moves seductively in on the other)

(The camera mercifully pans past a revolted Leela to Bender, who is exceptionally stoic.  He checks his digital watch and waits patiently)
___________________________

As I always say, any feedback, positive or negative, is greatly appreciated. 

[Reply #414 on:]

Zapphod? Heh. Heheheheheheheheh.

Oh man. Douglas atoms. Oh man.

This actually sounds like a not-too-bad impersonation of HHGTTG. Especially the 2.3 missiles bit. Though Zapphod making out with himself is pure grade F*. As is his chest line.
Buick. Oh dear.

So, yeah. This seems to be working. Here's to Sperm Whales! Also, I have some concern over whether a character is going to sprain their wrist.

*uturama. Natch.

[Reply #415 on:]

That was awesome! I love the Zapp/Zaphod stuff, and Fry being himself no matter what.
 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
LOADING BACK-UP PLOT  #42.   .   .   .

I get it! Heheh...and I was the first one to notice and post about it.
 

Zapp (straightforward): Yes, and your breasts are down there.

Sadly, sounds like something I would say.
 

  Fry calmly curls himself into the fetal position in a corner)[/i]

See? That's so Fry-ish it scares me.
 

There are exactly 2.3 missiles headed towards this craft, give or take one.

I wanna see 1.3 missiles. Take THAT Probably Engines!
 

douglas atoms!

Awww. God rest that man. And a very funny joke.
Zapp: Can do!  (One head moves seductively in on the other)
[/QUOTE]
Haha. I'm surprised I didn't see that one coming.

Great, great chapter. HHGttG was long overdue on Futurama, and so far, you're doing it the way it was meant to be done.

[Reply #416 on:]

I don't know what HHGTTG is! I'm missing all the refferences! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[Reply #417 on:]

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy... and yes, if you're not familiar with the story you would be missing every reference. 

Love all the crazy hidden jokes like "most definitely" and "BACK-UP PLOT #42. . . .".  Slacky's got it right when he says this is a pretty good impersonation of the actual book. Adams would surely be proud... or horrified.

[Reply #418 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
I don't know what HHGTTG is! I'm missing all the refferences! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

HHGTTG = The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  A wonderful radio series/novel/text game/BBC mini-series written by the late, great Douglas Adams.  Soon to be a major motion picture.

And on to the feedback!

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Hermes:  For cryin’ out loud, mon!  All I wanna know is what would happen if I got a new stapler!  Is that too much to-

(His head is forcibly met by airborne stapler.  He falls like a bowling pin)

Bender (nonchalant):  There, now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.  Thanks, Sgt. Slaughter!

 

DREAM SEQUENCE INITIATED
SCANNING.   .   .   .   .
ORIGINAL SCENARIO NOT FOUND
LOADING BACK-UP PLOT  #42.   .   .   .

I can't believe I didn't pick up on that. 

 

Leela (frustrated):  (She pushes his face away and turns around, crossing her arms)  Ugh... I hate it when you undress me with your eyes...

Zapp:  Would you prefer my teeth?  Because I’ve been practicing-

Pure Zapper!

 

Bender:  Well, this is the infinite probably drive.

Fry:  We know that, and?

Bender:  Oh, you’re quick ones.  It’s all quite simple.  Just steer in the direction you want to go, and the ship will probably drive that way.  A marvel, really.

Now that's parody!

 

Fry: (grasshopper/octopus story telling voice)  Poor, miserable Bender.  Bender, you’ve got to learn to meet some people, take some risks. Do something crazy; have some fun!  My brother Yancy and I had fun for hours when we were kids... some afternoons we would take a brown paper bag, and we’d fill it with dog-doo.  Then, we’d silently walk up someone’s porch, ring the doorbell, and light the bag on fire.  And when the person came, we’d hit them in the face with it.  Ah, those were fun days.  Do you get my point?

  This is all he more funny because our house was recently hit by the flaming dog-doo prank.  (Oh, the joys of having teachers for parents...)

 

Computer:  Damned if I know, but it had better be something and fast, or we’ll all be blown to douglas atoms!

Yay!  Best pun ever!  (Or at least since the 'Loose Seal'/'Lucille' pun on Sunday's Arrested Development.)

 

Computer:  Eh...er... how should I know?  Doing that should probably work. (cheerful) Collision in 10 seconds; time to kiss yourselves good-bye!

Zapp: Can do!  (One head moves seductively in on the other)

(The camera mercifully pans past a revolted Leela to Bender, who is exceptionally stoic. He checks his digital watch and waits patiently)

Boy, am I enjoying this.  Zapphod making out with himself, and a digital watch reference?  Brilliance.

Good luck on your midterms.  Until then, so long and thanks for all the Slurm!

[Reply #419 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
(Bender grabs the screwdriver from his hand and pushes the old man out of the way)

For some reason, I thought for sure he was going to repeat his stapler performance and clobber Farnsworth with the screwdriver. I guess it's for the best that he didn't...

(Cut to:  Bender’s Vision:  Green text on a black background

DREAM SEQUENCE INITIATED

I'm reminded of the Godfellas commentary. Ken Keeler would be happy.
 

Leela: (Lifting the stray face)  Ahem.  My eye is up here.

Zapp (straightforward): Yes, and your breasts are down there.

Leela (frustrated):  (She pushes his face away and turns around, crossing her arms)  Ugh... I hate it when you undress me with your eyes...

Zapp:  Would you prefer my teeth?  Because I’ve been practicing-

Ha! God, it's been said so many times, but you write Zapp perfectly! Also, I love the thought of him practicing. Kif must've been involved in some way.

 

Hermes:  Bender, could you come over here?

Bender (languid): I’ll check.

(He hobbles piteously to Fry and Hermes)

Bender:  I made it.

Not the same magnitude of hilarity as the Zapp stuff immediately before it, but I'm strangely fond of that interaction.

Bender:  Well, this is the infinite probably drive.

I was wondering what you were going to do with that. Awesome.

And when the person came, we’d hit them in the face with it.

Oww! The irony!

douglas atoms!

Wonderful.

Zapp: Can do!  (One head moves seductively in on the other)

Aww... Nice how you've managed to include a touching romantic subplot. I've always wanted to see those two hook up. My heart is warmed.

You've done an admirable job parodying something that's already funny. Looking forward to the grand finale, assuming you survive your tests. Good luck!

[Reply #420 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:

(Leela is back, and looks even more pallid and traumatized than before)

Amy:  Oh, you’re back?  Did you get to see the end of Fry’s answer?

(Leela slumps unsteadily into a chair)

Poor Leela. I wonder if she meets a disturbing and traumatising end in this scenerio as well.   

[Reply #421 on:]

Everyone's already picked up on all of the great bits... so all I'm left to do is clean up for the night and lock up. 

[Reply #422 on:]

Upon rereading the...well...necrophilia story, I realized that you could have avoided the entire "implied carcass carnality" by making a cheap, last-minute joke about impotence (or "erectile disfunction" ).  Then I realized that an obvious boner deficiency joke can't hold a candle to the unexpected, emotional thrill ride that a corpse-humping joke entails.

I knew it was funny and now I know why.  Good work.

[Reply #423 on:]

You have got to be kidding me. My favourite TV show and my favourite book in one fic? Now I officially worship you! *sends pineapples his way as a token of appreciation*
But really, that was so good. Futurama and Hitchhiker's have strangely much in common, and this just works. But, as usual, everyone else has reviewed it to bits and atoms. So, I've got nothing more at the moment...just waiting...patiently...*taps table*

[Reply #424 on:]

SJM:  Ack, you brute!  How did you know I was going to name him Zapphod?!      I know these stories tend to get stressful, but you’re not going to get a paragraph warning about who’s going to die at the end.

Shaucker:  Aw, and just as I was counting you as the second lost lesbian of the original trio, you return.  Thanks for finding time to read and reply.  If you take your pickup line cues from Zapp, it might explain why you never ...oh, right, the comic.

Venus:  If you like Futurama, and you like reading, you will definitely like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  It’s got the sci-fi comedy element, plus it’s a bit more British and quirky.  High quality stuff.  Read it, now!  You’re not cool if you don’t.

Kloudes:  You wouldn’t have gotten the Mos Def joke if I didn’t point it out.  It’s so small it wasn’t really intended to be caught though.  Thanks for putting up with lengthy betaing on this part, your help is always indispensable.

Boingo:  That’s a fun text-based game.  I should get back into that, I still have a saved game. You’ll have to explain this Lucille pun to me.  “Thanks for all the Slurm” HA!  I should use some derivative of that...

Tongue:  I’m not as familiar with commentaries as you are, why would Keeler be proud?  I’m glad you think I’ve got Zapp perfectly.  It must be that inner player that can’t get out because I’m afraid of girls, especially ones I don’t know too well. (It’s true, just ask Kloudes) or watch:

AsaB:  Worship?!  *sputter* *cough* *flinch*, *knocks over vase* *knocks over computer* knocks over self* *gives woozy thumbs up in Asa’s general direction.* Thanks.

Mole: Are you the new custodian? Cool!

DrT:  Thanks for your seal of approval on the necrophilia joke (Which is much better than the joke approving necrophilia on a seal) By the way, I finally got around to your thread in case you didn’t notice for some odd reason.

Well, no further story updates as of now.  Sometime this coming week or the week after, most likely.  Until then, have a Futurama game song.  Listen to it... pleeeease?  It’s semi-catchy:
 
Song 11 – Plight of the Optimist

PS:  Where the hell did Layla go?

[Reply #425 on:]

I killed her. And then i ate the literary center of her brain. To gain her talent. Her rich tasty talent.

Yay for the semi-catchy song! Very new-agey. I like new-agey. I love how you threw the theme song in there.

[Reply #426 on:]

Well... because we all hate long waits, I'm going to answer Bergey's question in lieu of TL. If she think's I'm usurping her position as answerer of questions directed at her, she can send little vampire bats to nip at my protruding ears. Ouch!

Anyways...

The commentaries talk about Keeler trying to get a dream sequence into at least two episodes (The Honking and Godfellas, incidently.*) This dream sequence would feature Bender-vision (tm), and would have him using a drop down menu to select his dream. The options were 'Rock Star', and... um, two other one's which I can't remember. He'd select 'Rock Star', whereupon we'd see a little square with a guitar would appear, say 'Yeah yeah yeah', before being repleced by the words "DREAM OVER".

That it was never implemented into an episode is truly humanities loss.


*This feeble pun brought to you by two glasses of orange and mango cordial.

[Reply #427 on:]

Oh yeah? Well... I'm 1/16th vampire bat. Once night falls, your ears are mine! *realizes it's already night* Uh... Tomorrow night, then. Eh, screw it.

Here's a link to a more detailed description of the would-be scene. Scroll. It's near the end.

Also,
   

Originally posted by boingo2000:
'Loose Seal'/'Lucille' pun

   

Originally posted by JBERGES:
You’ll have to explain this Lucille pun to me.

   

Thanks for your seal of approval on the necrophilia joke (Which is much better than the joke approving necrophilia on a seal)[/small]

Ever see the perfect setup for a joke but can't quite bring yourself to put it all together?

[Reply #428 on:]

Darn it Venus! Give me back my brain. I need it for review making. Aw, look at it. All those chewing marks. It'll never be pretty again.

See, what really happened was this, uh lots and lots of major projects, which caused no sleep which caused pneumonia. Seriously.
Darn it. So now, I catch up to the delicious fun that is your writing. Also intelligent!

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:

Layla50:  From one busy writer to another, don’t let all that spamming for you to write more get to you.  Take your time; school comes first, right?         
Officially or unofficially? 

Also, you flatter me too much...
No I don't, I just take far to long about it. Hangs achy head in shame, then looks up hopefully to see if pitifulness wins forgiveness.

PS: I think I can deal with a simple poke for an update while ravenous aficionados beat Layla with loaves of stale French bread until she updates.[/small]

How are you so incredibly funny?! Maybe I should be chewing on your brain.

 

Camera focuses primarily on Amy and Leela, the closest two to the screen. Amy’s face is filled with ardor, while Leela’s looks not only like she has seen a ghost, but like said ghost just called her fat)[/i]

I know it's been said, but besides the hilariousness of the ghost line, the juxtaposition of Amy's passion and tormented Leela. Fantastic. And I really just love that you showed their reactions. I would have killed to see reactions to Leela's murder spree, well not literally of course, unless I was a teensy bit more impulsive.

 

Farnsworth:  Don’t argue with me, Hermes Conrad, I’m old!

(A pause)

Bender (surprised):  He’s right!

Nice little play on the way they teased Amy that time with the Who Asked machine. Part of your brilliance is the way you puck up on those funny little show moments, then make them your own. I also like the sweetness of Fry's speech before the question.
 

(The door slides open)

Fry: Cool! Just like in Star Trek! (He giddily walks through)

Anothere wonderful touch! That subtle little change that already tells us something is amiss. The Igpee butt shot was priceless and very in character with the show. I should be taking notes.

 

Ipgee: I assure you, Mr. Fry, My childish joke to myself is of no importance to you.

The accent makes this line.

 

Ipgee:  Well, that was surely most unpleasant for both of us. I apologize, but I rarely touch those controls; it’s not my job.

Oh poor Fry, if the probulator wasn't bad enough! 

 

Ipgee:  Yes, I suppose this is not really the best example of how our society works.   

Great way of getting the "Where's Leela?" question answered in a great line. Maybe now is a good time to mention that you've found my secret hidden weakness for comedy of errors type stories. I love this update!
I also love Fry's sensible questions. He's such a cutie!
 

Fry screams throughout, but there’s a twinge of elation in his horror)[/i]

Nice touch with the elation.
 

Fry spots his chance in a strategically placed cart loaded with office supplies.  He swiftly knocks it down the stairs at the charging Igpee, who in a sudden display of coordination, dodges it.  Fry goes through the nearest door but finds it to be a dead end.  Giving up, he cowers in fear as Ipgee seizes his hand, and pulls the trigger)[/i]

REally great action writing here. And Fry is adorable right up until you turn him into coleslaw.

 

Leela:  I mean it’s just the principle of the thing.  We have people who are designated to bring food to people with more important jobs.  Why do I have to be belittled by trekking back and forth across town?

There is so much of Leela in that speech, it's really awesome. And her interaction with Sal is comedy gold, which I'm sure you knew.

 

(He audaciously turns sharply, skipping the taxi up onto the sidewalk.  The seemingly oblivious red-head runs straight into the cab’s back door.  He pauses a moment to rudely gawk at Leela’s eye before changing direction and running into a nearby building)

Love the gawking and the word audaciously. Also Leela's personal line, awesome. Very you. Not so sure about the sounding of "He audaciously turns sharply", just too many 'ly's for me. Although I'm guilty of that all the time.

 

Leela (to herself; self pity):  Idiots. This is just what I need on New Years Eve.  All I wanted was an uneventful day with –oof!

And another hilarious Leela moment just before you turn her into coleslaw, by Fry's hand! Great! I can't imagine the planning it took to get all these actions to work together for bloody mayhem.

 

A nauseating crunch is heard below)[/i]

Now there's a nice visual line. Perfect pan to Bender, 'cause at this point we're all just waiting to see what you're gonna do to him.
 

Bender:  Well, I guess no one’s here to stop me... so...

Priceless. You're very good at putting judicious cracks in the fourth wall. Also, am I the only one who finds dilapidated Bender hilarious?
 

Bender (weakly)  Lousy piece of junk... humans must be really easy to kill.

He's probably filing that bit of information away for future use, knowing Bender. And the speech, once again interrupted by horrible crunchy death. Beautiful.
 

(The pile spontaneously combusts)

Perfect, and you have a real knack for writing the announcers. Can't wait to see the next one!

Anywho, I gotta get back to typing my story for those ravenous fans, also violent and scary. I'll review your next bit of happiness later.

[Reply #429 on:]

I am also ignorant in the ways of HHGTTG, but now, thanks exclusively to this fanfic, I will read it. Courtesy of the books at my local liberry. 

Anyway, the Lucille/Loose Seal pun. One of the characters on Arrested Development, Buster, is a 30 year old Mama's boy. Buster's mother, Lucille, is a self involved old monster of a woman who forbids him to go swimming in the ocean. Whenever a certain, spoilerful event happens, Buster gets mad at Lucille and promptly goes swimming in the ocean. However, a man eating seal has been released. A man on the beach calls "The loose seal! Watch out for the loose seal!" Buster thinks that he's talking about his mother, and does not heed his warning. He promptly gets his hand bitten off by a man eating loose seal.

[Reply #430 on:]

I'm just popping up again to say that the more I think about it, the more I absolutely love the 'probability drive'. Perfect paradoy, in that it's a joke that can almost stand entirely on it's own. Brilliant.

[Reply #431 on:]

Venus:  Thanks for commenting on the music, and I’m glad you enjoyed it.  Are you due for another CD?

SJM/TL:  Ah, now I get it.  Thanks for the info; maybe there is a bit of Keeler in me…  Actually, his version is much funnier.

Layla:  Wow, I hope you feel better.  You haven’t been around at all, and lots of us are getting worried.  Come back… you don’t have to write anything, just a “Hi” will do.  Thanks for the thorough review, yet again.

j_ohanley:  I really should start watching arrested development… and TV for that matter.

SJM again:  I’m delighted you appreciate that, because this part is… it’s…well… not as clever.

Ok, it’s spring break, so I got this story finished, just like I said I would.  Hope it’s acceptable:
__________________
Part 6

(The camera mercifully pans past a revolted Leela to Bender, who is exceptionally stoic.  He checks his digital watch and waits patiently)

(The sound of metal twisting violently is heard as the missiles strike the ship.  However, there are no explosions.  A perplexed crew dashes towards the source of the noise.  Bender follows grudgingly)

(Cut to: Some random room on the ship.  The crew rushes in to discover both missiles have wedged themselves through the hull of the craft, yet have come to a stop, creating an airtight seal.  Leela carefully approaches the two visible front ends)

(Before she can get there, however, the tip of the left missile decompresses, an eerie hiss startling those around it.  The entire tip of the projectile lifts off on a hinge, exposing a dark hollow)

(The crew peers in, and out of the shadows crawl three mice.  They hop unassumingly to the floor, then proceed to gaze back at the crew.  Zapp sprays them with an aerosol can.  They die)

Zapp: Got ‘em!

Leela (shocked): Zapphod!

(She grabs the can while shoving him away, then bends down to inspect the mice.  Abruptly, a hand thrusts out of the hollow tube and grabs Leela by the forearm.  Squirming its elbow out, then using the leverage, the being pulls itself out of the cylinder and flops awkwardly onto the floor.  It gets up quickly, trying to keep some dignity.  We see that it is clearly a member of Morbo’s species, but it is smaller and slimmer)

Alien: Greetings.  I am Zorbo.  I hope my arrival was not too startling.

Fry (baffled):  What?  (He begins adjusting a fish in his ear)

Buick:  Maybe you could hear what he said if you stopped putting sardines in your ears!

(He grabs the fish and discards it on the ground.  Zorbo’s attention is drawn to Bender)

Zorbo: Wow, nice robot!  Does he do any tricks?

Bender (caustic):  Yes, I lose my faith in humanity.  Watch.  (A beat)  Ta da.

Zorbo (turning to Leela without hesitation):  There is much to discuss.  You are?

Leela:  I’m Leela, but everyone calls me Billion.  And this is Philip, Buick, Zapphod, and Bender. (All wave except Bender)

Zorbo (recognizing a name):  So, you’re Zapphod? We must speak on matters of severe importance.

Zapp (perhaps distracted by Billion):  I have pills for that now.

Zorbo (not catching the misunderstanding): Come, there is little time to spare!  (He leads them back towards the bridge)

(The camera does not follow, but pans to the second missile, which heretofore has been ignored.  Someone pounds on it from the inside)

Morbo-esque Voice:  Hello?!  The hinge is stuck… and I think some mice hitched a ride in the tube!  I demand you to help!

(Cut to:  A heart shaped space vehicle landing on an arid landscape.  Craters are more abundant than buildings, and lava flows in narrow streams as tremors shake the terrain.  The crew and Zorbo exit the ship)

Zorbo:  Thank you for changing your course on such short notice.  Welcome to Volcanon. I don’t think I need to tell you what this city was built on.

Philip:  ...is it rock and roll?

Zorbo: A volcano.

Philip (disappointed):  Oh.

Buick:  I still don’t get it. Why us?

Zorbo:  It has been foretold that one named Zapphod holds the key to saving this city from a cataclysmic eruption, and must be present at the Volco shrine to do so.

Billion:  Why didn’t you just not build the city on a volcano?

Zorbo:  Well, in fact, there are infinite dimensions in which we chose not to build here; however, by nature that means that there are infinite universes where we do.  So you could say we were just unlucky.

Philip: What?

Zorbo:  Just take my word for it…

(Cut to Philip, attempting to stick a large mouth bass in his ear)

Philip: What?

Bender:  What a useless endeavor, it’s clearly going to explode any minute.  But, really, what endeavor isn’t useless… and-

Zapphod (irritated):  Fine then, you wait here, and use your seismometer.  Warn us if it’s about to blow.  I’ve got important hero things to do!

Bender:  “Wait here?”  That might be an even harder task than “Come over here.”  You really do keep my life enriched, don’t you?

(By now, everyone has left, headed into a crater.  Bender sighs dejectedly)

(Cut to the group, sans Bender, arriving at an ancient looking obelisk.  Zorbo stops them, and points to an incongruous glowing icon.)

Zorbo:  There. It is foretold that Zapphod has the key that will activate the icon of Volco and thus subdue the volcano.

Zapphod:  Uh…  so what do I do?

Zorbo:  Simple.  Find your key.

(Zapphod fiddles in his pockets, and produces the ship’s ignition key)

Zorbo:  No…

(He pulls out a credit card and presses it against the icon)

Zorbo (impatient): No.

(He starts to undo his belt buckle)

Zorbo (horrified):  NO!  Your mind, the key is in your mind!

Buick:  Got it!  Which head do I go for?  (He produces a hammer)

Zorbo:  Metaphorically!  It’s there in your thoughts; you just have to find it!

(Cut to Bender, pacing.  He stops and checks inside his chest compartment.  A needle is moving spastically against a piece of paper)

Bender: Hmm.  I probably should warn them.  (He calls quietly and unenthusiastically)  Hey.  Guys. The area you’re standing on is going to implode, maybe.

(Cut back to the shrine.  Zapphod is on one foot, his other pressed up against the icon, and is waving his hands like a hypnotist.  Zorbo has also moved his hands… to his head in frustration)

Zapphod (ghostlike):  Oooooh!  Ahhhhhh!  Opeeeeeen!

Zorbo:  They prophesized a man with a key in his mind, but never accounted for him not being able to think!

Billion:  This is hopeless.

Philip:  Yeah, let’s get out of here before-

(A quake rattles the land under their feet.  The floor starts to give way.  Everyone falls to the quivering ground)

Billion (Shouting):  Bender!  Get help!   

Philip (Yelling):  Save us, Bender!

Buick (Frightened):  Yeah!

Zapphod: (A toupee off of one head, pressed against the icon) Activate!  Ac- Ti- Vate!

(Cut to Bender.  He watches the chaos below.  As magma starts to seep up through the cracks that are stranding the crew, the semblance in his eyes visibly changes.  He looks resolved) 

(Bender takes a determined step forward, and then knocks the seismograph out of his chest, reaching behind it to grab a camera.  He snaps a picture)

Bender:  Neat!  *Click*

(Screaming and agony are heard below, but the camera stays on Bender, taking pictures furiously and clearly enjoying it)

Bender (giddy):  Photography!  That’s it!  I’ve never been so happy! *Click Click Click*

(Suddenly, the entire scene flickers and distorts)

Bender:  Crap!  Reality!  Go away!  Shoo! (He waves his arms at nothing in particular)

(Cut to Black)

DREAM SEQUENCE COMPLETE
REBOOTING...
LOADING EXTERNAL SENSORS…
PREPARING RETORTS, ACCUSATIONS, AND OBNOXIOUS SOUND EFFECTS….
ACTIVATING…

(Bender sits up with a jolt, scattering those huddled around him)

Bender (livid):  Alright!  Which one of you chumps coldcocked me while I was asking a question?!

(He points directly at Zoidberg, who scuttles away in a panic)

Leela (clearly a bit recovered from previous incidents):  Bender, you did it to yourself!

Bender:  I know you are but what am I?!  BA-ZING!

Farnsworth:  You’ve completely ruined the What-if machine!  It’s leaking valuable plausitrons again… and so I had to put newspaper down to soak them up! (He grumbles incoherently while leaving the room)

(Amy picks up said newspaper; it is completely dry)

Amy (fretful):  Uh… guys?  This is tomorrow’s newspaper!
 
Leela:  Hmm… must be some sort of side effect.

(Bender snatches it)

Bender:  Finally, I can bet with confidence without the need to rig the results!

(Camera slowly pans out of the room, outside, to a shot of the entire PE building as the following dialogue ensues)

Leela:  Or, we could use the paper for the good of mankind…

Fry:  Boring!  Give me the comics… and the horoscopes! 

Amy:  I’ll take fashion!

Hermes:  Business!

Leela:  (long sigh) Local news...

Bender (flipping a page, excited):  Hey Fry, you’ll never guess who died!

Fry:  Is it not me?

Bender: Close!

THE END
_______________

Questions?  Comments?  Critiques?

Well, five stories down, hopefully a couple to go.  I’m thinking of doing something slightly different for my next undertaking.  I’m considering doing what would be best described as script/prose hybrid, with fast moving dialogue punctuated by sprawling narrative and commentary.  It would, of course, be a comedy, and it would be longer than an episode.  Any approvals or objections to this?  Your opinions count.  It’s just that reading a lot of Douglas Adams has sparked my interest.

EDIT:  Everyone, come to PEELathon in June.  Do it!

[Reply #432 on:]

Approval. Thumbs up all around.  I think that's an excellent idea for your next one.

As I've probably said already, this was a great fic.  Obviously, the HHGttG section was my favorite with all of it's quirkiness, but overall the whole thing was very funny.  I won't quote every part I liked because I know about ten other people will do that, but I wanted to say that I think I love the "rock and roll" joke about as much as you do...

[Reply #433 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Fry (baffled):  What?  (He begins adjusting a fish in his ear)

Buick:  Maybe you could hear what he said if you stopped putting sardines in your ears!

Cute. I love how you write Fry. It seems so much harder than the others. That's a great joke, and then you run with it.

 

Bender (caustic):  Yes, I lose my faith in humanity.  Watch.  (A beat)  Ta da.

The "Ta Da" is what really makes that line work. It really sounds like something I would say.

 

Leela:  I&#8217;m Leela, but everyone calls me Billion. 

Maybe I'm just thinking too hard, but where did Billion come from. I know Trillian is a combo of Trisha McMillian, so wouldn't Leela be something like Turalla?

 

Zorbo (recognizing a name):  So, you&#8217;re Zapphod? We must speak on matters of severe importance.

Zapp (perhaps distracted by Billion):  I have pills for that now.

Took me about three reads to get, then made me piss myself laughing.

 

Welcome to Volcanon. I don&#8217;t think I need to tell you what this city was built on.

Philip:  ...is it rock and roll?

Zorbo: A volcano.

Again, Fry makes me laugh. That's such a very Futurama line. And Volcanon is such a lame name for a planet.

 

(He starts to undo his belt buckle)

Zorbo (horrified):  NO!  Your mind, the key is in your mind!

Predictably Zapp, yet hilareous.


That was so funny, and now with such a big hoohaw being made over the movie, it's good to see some well done parody. As always, I think the characters were right on, and the Babelfish jokes were adorable.

[Reply #434 on:]

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Venus:  Thanks for commenting on the music, and I’m glad you enjoyed it.  Are you due for another CD?

Have you got enough to fill another cd?


Loved the story. Turns out Volcano carnage is one of my favorite types of carnage! And photography of volcano carnage makes it even more fun! Like watching that video where that kid got attacked by 2 great white sharks at once!

[Reply #435 on:]

 

Zapphod: (A toupee off of one head, pressed against the icon) Activate! Ac- Ti- Vate!

Haha, classic Zapp. 

[Reply #436 on:]

At the outset, I have to say that I'm dismayed by the lack of gin and tonic jokes! That whole jynnan tonnix thing is among my favorite Hitchhiker's Guide-isms. *sniffle* What'd they ever do to you?

Onto the praise!

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
creating an airtight seal.

Better than an airloose seal.

Damn it! I don't even watch the show, but I can't get that pun out of my head. Obviously, in addition to being able to read minds for joke-stealing purposes, boingo has the power to manipulate people's thoughts. Get away from my brain, you fiend!

Uh... Onto the praise for real!
 

(The crew peers in, and out of the shadows crawl three mice.  They hop unassumingly to the floor, then proceed to gaze back at the crew.  Zapp sprays them with an aerosol can.  They die)

Beautiful. It's gags like that and the sardine ear that keeps this thing from crossing the fine line between parody and rip-off.

Billion:  Why didn’t you just not build the city on a volcano?

Zorbo:  Well, in fact, there are infinite dimensions in which we chose not to build here; however, by nature that means that there are infinite universes where we do.  So you could say we were just unlucky.

That could easily pass for either Douglas Adams logic or random David X. Cohen rambling. Also, I dig jokes where they acknowledge the voice of reason only to shove it aside with more insanity.
 

(Cut to Philip, attempting to stick a large mouth bass in his ear)

The first incarnation of this joke was funny enough, but turning it into a runner? I laughed something like, "Ha ha ha ha (wheeze)." Which means A) this is very funny, and B) I'm a seventy year old man. Good to know.
 

Zapphod (ghostlike):  Oooooh!  Ahhhhhh!  Opeeeeeen!

Goofy. I like it.

Bender:  Crap!  Reality!  Go away!  Shoo! (He waves his arms at nothing in particular)

Aww... That would look so cute animated!

Fry:  Boring!  Give me the comics… and the horoscopes!

Nice touch with the horoscopes. If you'd just said comics, it'd feel trite.

Bender (flipping a page, excited):  Hey Fry, you’ll never guess who died!

Fry:  Is it not me?

Bender: Close!

Maybe I'm alone, but I'm not liking this ending. I assume Fry's line is supposed to be read in the same way as, "I've not heard of them," in Godfellas. Correct me if I'm wrong--this whole train of thought loses steam if that's the case. If so... The Godfellas line was funny as a punchline and one of those, "Fry's mind works in strange ways," moments. As part of the setup for a joke, though, that style of line isn't really funny on its own, and it kind of makes the punchline feel anticlimactic. *ducks* Sorry!

[Reply #437 on:]

Are you kidding? I loved that joke!

[Reply #438 on:]

Oh, Bergey, your stories are fresh as a winter's morn, and twice as biting. Lo! This latest installment is dripping (melting, perhaps) with your usual original wit and sublime knack for parody. As each snowflake is unique, so too are your jokes, each more individual and precious then the last (except for the ones you stole. Those ones are like hail, I suppose. Or maybe sky-coal).  This story is truely the, um, carrot, of your, er, handsome snowman of tales. It's being buried in an avalance of hilarity, lying at the base and gasping for breath. And then being torn apart by the world's cleverest Alaskan wolves. Also, a polar bear. Grr.

[Reply #439 on:]

Man, I come back from vacation only to discover that my fondness for puns seems to have shattered the last of TL's links to sanity... leaving her brain open to my command!  MWA HA HA!  I never thought it'd be this easy (somehow, I always figured I'd win control of TL's brain during a thumb-wrestling match).

Thanks to j_ohanley for explaining the joke while I was away.

What's that?  Part 6 came out?  Yay!

   

(The crew peers in, and out of the shadows crawl three mice.  They hop unassumingly to the floor, then proceed to gaze back at the crew.  Zapp sprays them with an aerosol can.  They die)

Zapp: Got ‘em!

Frankie Mouse and Benji Mouse had it comin'.  You know it, I know it.

   

Alien: Greetings.  I am Zorbo.  I hope my arrival was not too startling.

Fry (baffled):  What?  (He begins adjusting a fish in his ear)

Buick:  Maybe you could hear what he said if you stopped putting sardines in your ears!

(He grabs the fish and discards it on the ground.)

Heh heh.  Never saw that coming.

   

Zorbo (recognizing a name):  So, you’re Zapphod? We must speak on matters of severe importance.

Zapp (perhaps distracted by Billion):  I have pills for that now.

By now, eveyone's told you you wirte Zapp perfectly, so there's no real need to call attention to it, but here we are.

   

Zorbo:  Thank you for changing your course on such short notice.  Welcome to Volcanon. I don’t think I need to tell you what this city was built on.

Philip:  ...is it rock and roll?

Zorbo: A volcano.

Philip (disappointed):  Oh.

I love jokes like that; that reference songs everyone's heard but most people couldn't tell you who sung it.  (If you know, don't tell me.  I'd rather let the mystery be.)

   

(Cut to Philip, attempting to stick a large mouth bass in his ear)

Now there's an image...

   

(Cut back to the shrine.  Zapphod is on one foot, his other pressed up against the icon, and is waving his hands like a hypnotist.  Zorbo has also moved his hands… to his head in frustration)

You also seem a master of the funny stage direction.  Good show!

 

(Bender takes a determined step forward, and then knocks the seismograph out of his chest, reaching behind it to grab a camera.  He snaps a picture)

Bender:  Neat!  *Click*

(Screaming and agony are heard below, but the camera stays on Bender, taking pictures furiously and clearly enjoying it)

Bender (giddy):  Photography!  That’s it!  I’ve never been so happy! *Click Click Click*

Great Bender dialouge, but wait.  The whole mission was for naught?  Just what was this key supposed to open, anyway?

   

Bender (flipping a page, excited):  Hey Fry, you’ll never guess who died!

Fry:  Is it not me?

Bender: Close!

THE END

Ooh, is it Hermes?  (And with that, the 'Hermes?' joke is officially dead.  Thank you.)

Top-notch installment!  Bravo!  Author!  Etc.!