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Author Topic: Idea  (Read 2383 times)
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Nasty Pasty

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #40 on: 04-24-2004 15:18 »

Originally posted by Passing user:
Hideous sounds.

I could only imagine....

*shudders in fear*
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #41 on: 04-27-2004 14:00 »
« Last Edit on: 05-22-2004 00:00 »

SCENE: Country club
Opening shot of a log cabin building.  Sign outside:
"Planet Chicken Country Club
Your neck must be this red to enter"
Changes to inside: Fry and Bender are sitting at a bar.  Bender is wearing a cowboy hat.

BENDER: [in Southern accent] Aw shucks, Fry, these Hyperchickens really appreciate the finer things in life.
FRY: What do you mean?
BENDER: Ah, whiskey, coushins, industrial robots who play the banjo...those sorts o' things.
FRY: Bender, will you snap out of it?  You're not a chicken.
BENDER: Yet.  Let's shee what three more barrels of cactus whiskey shay.
FRY: Bender, stop it.
BENDER: You're soundin' like a darn turkey.
Bender looks as if he might start a fight, when the Chicken Leader comes along.
CHICKEN LEADER: Howdy, partners, care to join us in this here festivities?
FRY: What?
BENDER: Festitivies?  Sunds like an excuse for more booze!
He downs a barrel in one.
CHICKEN LEADER: Today, and tomorrow, and the three days after that, we celebrate the great hatching o' the world, our good 'n' wholesome planet, by the Grand Old Chicken.
CHICKEN 1: [calls out from the back] A toast!
 General murmur of approvement
BENDER: [trying to sound like the crowd] Yeah, more booze! [in different voice] Absolutely, give that sexy robot another whiskey.
The murmur dies down
CHICKEN LEADER: [gesturing to Fry] Would you like to do the honours?
FRY: What?
CHICKEN LEADER: Make the toast, bwuk! [pecks the ground] To our hen, the Grand Old Chicken.  Now I may be a simple Hyperchicken, but I be a -
FRY: [interrupting] Yeah, whatever, just shut up!
He grabs a glass from Bender and holds it up.  A silence falls.
FRY: [nervous] May I propose the toast to...that big chicken thing. 
He looks around: the Chickens are smiling in encouragement.Close up on Fry, he begins to sweat.
FRY: She's certainly...well...good...
He thinks of something and relaxes.
FRY: And...and has a very lucky rooster.
Sudden gasps of shock and horror.  The Chicken Leader drops his glass, and then monocle.  Bender looks around at the shocked faces, sees which way the wind is blowing, looks and Fry and gasps in mock horror.
BENDER: Fry!  How could you do what you obviously did wrong?

Bending Unit
« Reply #42 on: 04-28-2004 17:15 »

Haha! "A very lucky rooster" Gr8 Idea Passing User!
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #43 on: 04-29-2004 14:42 »
« Last Edit on: 04-30-2004 00:00 »

SCENE: Outside
The Chicken Leader is pacing back and forth.  Fry is locked in a cage and a crowd of chickens look on.

CHICKEN LEADER: Now you'se in a whole family fun bucket of trouble here.  As we good 'n' honest Hyperchickens know, the Grand Old Chicken was a celebrate an' honourable chicken.
CHICKEN 2: [calling out from back] Amen!
CHICKEN LEADER: An' the creation of the world was a Virgin Hatching.  So, what you said was deeply offensive to us bunch o' simple, zealous chickens...
FRY: So I insulted your goddess? How was I supposed to know it would breach you stupid chickens' stupid culture by insulting your stupid goddess.  I'm too stupid to know that.
HYPERCHICKEN: [the original lawyer] I agree.  My client is very stupid!
CHICKEN LEADER: Well, I'm gonna have a look-see what I can do...Bein' a simple an' just chicken, I think -
BENDER: Get to the damn point!
CHICKEN LEADER: I thinks it would be fair all round if you were executed at dawn if charges are proved.
HYPERCHICKEN: [to Fry] I think we should plead guilty.
FRY: I demand jury trial.
CHICKEN LEADER: Fair enough.  You have the right to a fair, balanced and speedy trial.  What you say, boys?
CROWD: Guilty!
CHICKEN LEADER: Sorry, Fry, but mob rule has spoken.  You are to be executed at dawn: when this egg timer runs out.
He places an enormous egg timer inside the cage.
CHICKEN LEADER: Au revoir, an' such.
The crowd leaves. Close-up on Fry.
FRY: Ah, crud.  I don't want to die like this: executed by redneck spacechickens.  How didn't I see this coming?
Shot change: cage from afar, we see Bender walking away, and Fy notices him.
FRY: Hey!  Bender!  Can't you bend the wire fence or the cage bars?
BENDER: [very, very sarcastic] Nah, d'you think?  You think I should BEND you out of this?  Just because I'm a bending robot?
He moves towards the wire fence.
BENDER: [under breath] Moron.
He grans the fence to bend it, but instead, blue sparks fly and his eyes show static.  This is obviously an electric fence.
BENDER: [voice wavy and distorted] Oh-oh-oh-oh yeah...
He pulls away form the electric fence.
BENDER: Sorry, Fry, but there's nothing I can do.  Nice knowing you.
FRY: Really?
BENDER: No. Burn! Ahahahaha...[Fry looks downcast.  Bender stops laughing]...aha.  Don't worry, I'm sure they'll come to their senses.
He begins to wlak off, but turns around.
BENDER: Oh, and Fry?
FRY: What?
BENDER: Can I have your collection of shadow puppets?
Fry nods.  Bender disappears from sight.

Starship Captain
« Reply #44 on: 05-01-2004 14:41 »
« Last Edit on: 05-01-2004 14:41 »

[judgewhitey] Quit Badgering the Witness [/judgewhitey]

[hyperchichen] BADGER, BADGER, Where?, WHERE! Bukooo! [/hyperchichen]

Really like the story so far,

in your post were zoidberg is doing somthing to Cubert (i cant remember what exactly) you should cut to shadows of what happening (thats what the do in the show  when somthing grousem is happening)
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #45 on: 05-03-2004 08:02 »
« Last Edit on: 05-03-2004 08:02 »

SCENE: Prison Compound
Fry sits forlornly on the bottom of his cage.  Nightfall comes, and then dawn begins to creep in.

CHICKEN 1: (OS) Cock-a-doodle-do, y'all!
Fry looks up as Bender, Chicken Leader, Hyperchicken and a crowd of rowdy chickens enter the prison compound.  He looks at the egg timer: time up.
CHICKEN LEADER: C'mon, son, time to gets up an' take your here punishment like a chicken.
Two guards let Fry out, holding him by the arms.  They take him to a box, marked Executo-matic.  A chicken reaches down to the settings: "Gallows/Electric Chair" and marks the latter.  Meanwhile, Chicken Leader is in conference with Hyperchicken.
HYPERCHICKEN: Bwuk!  Stop this here execution.  I may be a simple country Hyperchicken, but I know we're not fingerlicked yet.  I propose a trial by ordeal, to prove my client's innocence.
Excited chatter.
CHICKEN LEADER: Very well.  You may choose between ordeal by electric fire -
Cheers from the crowd.
CHICKEN LEADER: Or ordeal by egg.
Bored muttering from the crowd.  Bender and Fry go into conference, whispering and debating what to choose.
FRY: [whisper] I don't know.
BENDER: [whisper] Electric fire.  That'll be a laugh.  Especially for me.
FRY: [whisper] What about the other one?
BENDER: [whisper] Whatever, both fine choices.
FRY: [normal voice, to Chicken Leader] Erm, we'll choose the less electricy hurty one.
CHICKEN LEADER: Youse sure 'bout that?
FRY: Yep.
CHICKEN LEADER: Damn.  Well, that's it, folks.  Ordeal by egg!
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« Reply #46 on: 05-03-2004 15:27 »

Wow the funniest thing i have read since my own Fanscript (which reminds me i ought to finish that in the near future). Anyway good job Passing User
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #47 on: 05-04-2004 15:31 »

Originally posted by Sm@ Cpt. Libido:
Wow the funniest thing i have read since my own Fanscript
Captain Modest.
Ah, thanks.  I need to bulk it up, though.
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #48 on: 05-05-2004 12:26 »
« Last Edit on: 05-16-2004 00:00 »

SCENE: Track
Fry is standing at a large start line for a race, with Bender behind him.He has a towel around his shoulders, and Bender is briefing him.

BENDER: Right, here's the plan: you start the ordeal, I sneak over to the Governor and slip him a few bucks.  Or hit him: whatever appeals to me at that moment in time.  Anyway, you'll be saved, and at a moderate price.
FRY: No thanks, Bender.  I prefer to do this the honest and Southern way.  Plus, the Governor's got too much security.
Shows three chickens in dark suits around the Chicken Leader.
CHICKEN BODYGUARD 1: Bwuk-aye!  Over and out.
The Chicken Leader moves over to Fry, Bender steps back.
CHICKEN LEADER: Now what we chickens do here is give you the sanctified spoon of Chickendom.
He passes Fry a foot-long egg spoon.
CHICKEN LEADER: An' the holy egg.
FRY: An egg and spoon race? Easy.  I came last at these all the time in the 20th century.  I mean, how hard -
He stops.  An ENORMOUS, foot high egg is put on the spoon, and he buckles under the weight.
CHICKEN LEADER: If you break this egg before the finish line, you'll be a-pecked t' death.
FRY: Now one second.
CHICKEN LEADER: On your marks...
FRY: What?
FRY: Wait!
Chariots of Fire (I think that's the track) begins to play.  A chicken fires a shotgun in the air.
Fry is off past the start line, running in slow motion.  Various angles, him running from the side, close up, POV, forward view from the ground.  Fry begins to sweat, strained by the weight of the egg.
He looks around at the crowd (think VERY cheesy), young chickens smiling enthusiastically; the Chicken Leader grinning, willing him to drop the egg; Bender reading a magazine, realising Fry's looking at him and giving a thumbs up.
Side view: Fry is just two metres from the finish line, the music is reaching its climax and the egg is wobbling.  Suddenly, he straightens his back and walks normally (not in slow motion) through the ribbon.  Cheering erupts.

FRY: I did it!
BENDER: You did it!  And I always knew you could. [he turns to the chicken next to him and gives him a wad of notes]
The cowboy chickens thro their hats in the air twice.  Bender throws his head in the air twice.  Fry throws the egg in the air.  It lands with an ominous crunch on the floor, and a crack appears: the crowd gasps with shock and horror.
CHICKEN LEADER: [infuritated] There's only one word for this blasphemy...bwuk!
The chickens close in.  Suddenly, the egg wobbles and the crowd steps back.  Fry edges towards it, as the top comes off (think Alien).
BENDER: Fry...stay away from the egg.
He continues to move towards it.
BENDER: Fry!  It's not safe, stay away. Actually, what do I care?  Go near it if you want to.
VERY cheesy Alien.  Fry's POV as he looks inside the egg: something yellow springs up and covers his face, we see him from the side.  He wrenches it off and looks at it (Fry's POV)- a bright yellow chicken.  Awww...
FRY: [close-up] Look: while we were fighting and squabbling over culture matters, we forgot about who we are.  It has taken the cycle of life to show us that tolerance is a virtue [shows chicken crowd haning their heads in shame] and that we, humans, robots and simple country Hyperchickens can live peacefully, [close-up on Fry] side by side, without fear of -
BENDER: [interrupting]Cheese it!
Fry drops the chick and legs it with Bender to the ship.  They fly off with a second: a shotgun is fired but does not damage.
CHICKEN LEADER: Oh, God darn it!
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #49 on: 05-13-2004 12:53 »
« Last Edit on: 05-16-2004 00:00 »

Thoughts?  Sorry to double-post, but I'm in the middle of editing existing scenes, and I would appreciate some feedback.  Thanks in advance.

Establishing shot of the PE building, before going inside. Everyone is in Dr. Zoidberg's office, surprisingly looking much better.

AMY: It's bad enough beign ill, but do Bender and Fry really deserve to be paid overtime?
LEELA: I know, it's just rubbing salt in the wound.
ZOIDBERG: [OS] Salting time!  To put on your wounds!
Everyone cringes: Zoidberg walks in, but is followed by Fry and Bender, whho interrupt him.
FRY: Whattup?
LEELA: [sarcastic] Oh, glad you're well.  When you didn't arrive twelve hours ago, we thought you might have fallen with some illness.
Fry fails to pick up on the sarcasm.
FRY: So, had a nice sick day?
Pan of the infuriated crew, eyes twitching, struggling to control themselves.
PROFESSOR: Oh, my no.
ZOIDBERG: Yay!  It was brilliant - Zoidberg was the hero!  At last, I had some real patients instead of having to surgically remove crazy straws from FRy's gullet.
Shows Fry drinking Slurm through a crazy straw.  He breathes sharply, at this, the straw disappears and his gullet forms a strange shape.
BENDER: So how are the rest of you?
Leela snaps a syringe.  The Professor senses the hostile mood.
PROFESSOR: Oh, dear.  Well, I'll be off. [muttering] I'll call forensics in the morning, poor souls.
FRY: So?  You haven't answered my question.  How was your day with Dr. Zoidberg?
Zoom out: exterior of PE building.
FRY/BENDER/ZOIDBERG: [omni] Aggh!/Wahah!/Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob!
Hideous screams.

Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« Reply #50 on: 05-14-2004 14:51 »

Very good! But why will no-one look at mine :(
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #51 on: 05-16-2004 06:30 »

FINISHED! Very short, though: need to edit it after suggestions.

Looked at yours now, Cpt. Libido.  Pretty funny: loved the line "bust you lower than my underpants at weekends" - very Zapp.  Perhaps you could make it a bit longer, like I'm going to?
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #52 on: 05-22-2004 09:23 »
« Last Edit on: 05-23-2004 00:00 »

Rough draft
Opening caption: Coming soon to a telescreen near you
Fry is sitting on the couch, face illuminated by the TV light.

TV ANNOUNCER: Coming next on 30th Century Fox...When Things Explode.
FRY: [interested noise]
Jazzy theme tune plays.  Leela walks in.
LEELA: Look at yourself, sitting here watching 2nd rate TV when you could be out getting some culture.
Shot from Leela's shoulder, Fry is turning towards her while images of eplosions (cars igniting, nuclear bombs) fill the TV screen.
FRY: Fox is a culture.
LEELA: And so is a petrie dish, but that's not the type I meant..  Now move it; I'm gonna take you somewhere cultured.
FRY: [gripping the sofa] I'm not leaving this sofa.

CUT TO: New New York Museum of Post-Post-Post(to the power of 10) Modern Art
Marble facade with that title, about 20m up in the air.

LEELA: [OS] See, you decided to come along after all.
Zoom down to show the PE gang, and Leela dragging the sofa with Fry on it into the museum.

Deleted scene
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« Reply #53 on: 05-22-2004 09:31 »

Originally posted by Passing user:
FINISHED! Very short, though: need to edit it after suggestions.

Looked at yours now, Cpt. Libido.  Pretty funny: loved the line "bust you lower than my underpants at weekends" - very Zapp.  Perhaps you could make it a bit longer, like I'm going to?
I will try! Great work on yours though! Mine doesn't compare! All hail the Hyperchicken!

Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #54 on: 05-22-2004 12:07 »

Nah, we're just priests of JBERGES.  All bow before the great writer!

Urban Legend
« Reply #55 on: 05-23-2004 00:32 »
« Last Edit on: 05-23-2004 00:32 »

Holy snap!  I waltz into this thread minding my own business and get smacked with a random compliment!  It’s just like high school, except the exact opposite…

No, seriously, if you're gonna compliment me put in my thread…     ;)

Wait, where was I?  Oh yes, I just read your fanfic.  It started off a bit slow, but then it really grew on me.  I loved the ordeal by egg. Great stuff.

As for the new rough draft, “When Things Explode” is hilarious. For some reason I can just picture it. One suggestion, your last line blends Fox slams.  You have a “Fox shows dumb shows” joke battling a “Fox favors republicans” joke.  I’d stick with the first one and go with something like this:

FRY: Fox is a culture.
LEELA: And so is a petrie dish.  That’s not the type I mean.  Now move it; I'm gonna take you somewhere that's actually cultured.

But that's just a lame suggestion, it's your work.  Keep it up!

"It wouldn't surprise me if I found out you were really Patric Verrone in disguise" - El Zilcho
"I hearby swear my eternal hatred towards you. You're on the list."-SlackJawedMoron

Hooray!  I'm meeting new friends!
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #56 on: 05-23-2004 10:12 »

Woo!  A post from a great writer!  Tip taken.

Actually, I don't have FOX...
Sm@ Cpt. Libido

Bending Unit
« Reply #57 on: 05-27-2004 06:16 »

Originally posted by Passing user:
LEELA: Look at yourself, sitting here watching 2nd rate TV when you could be out getting some culture.
Shot from Leela's shoulder, Fry is turning towards her while images of eplosions (cars igniting, nuclear bombs) fill the TV screen.
FRY: Fox is a culture.
LEELA: And so is a petrie dish, but that's not the type I meant..  Now move it; I'm gonna take you somewhere cultured.
FRY: [gripping the sofa] I'm not leaving this sofa.
How about
Leela: And so is a petrie dish but you don't sit there watching that for hours on end!
Announcer: Now on FOX extreme mould growing!
Fry: See Leela once again TV proves me right!
(pictures of mould growing in a Petrie dish on screen)
Fry: Wait a minute this is boring! Leela wait up!(Fry runs off screen but camera is still pointed at the TV! Suddenly the pictures of mould dissapear)
Announcer: We are sorry about the stop in this regular programming! There seems to be a fault! So we are showing you YET ANOTHER BORING REALITY SHOW THAT EVERYBODY HATES!

Or something like that!
Passing user

Delivery Boy
« Reply #58 on: 05-31-2004 11:24 »

On Channel 5 this week, there was "When Pilots Eject", so When Things Explode might not be too far-fetched.

Sorry, I did edit the rough draft post a lot, but I lost it all due to a stupid typo in my username...which was annoyingly infuriating...anyway, there should be more soon.
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