Ask the What-If Machine!

[on:]

I'm bored, you're bored, or we wouldn't be here, so let's try a creative new activity. A lot of the common posters here seem to be great at coming up with hilarious little script-style vignettes as a response to a topic... so let's add some pressure. The idea here is to either ask a "what if" style question, or answer other people's with whatever weird situation comes to mind. Multiple answers to the same question welcome; most importantly, let's all try to laugh.
Now, I'm not one to propose a topic and then bail out, so...
...Uh...
...
...I'll think of something tomorrow. 

[Reply #1 on:]

Maybe tomorrow you'll know where to post this kind of thing.

[Reply #2 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
Maybe tomorrow you'll know where to post this kind of thing.

I'd say it's off topic, isn't it Kryten?   

[Reply #3 on:]

It's to do with futurama though.
i'll start off with "what if the world was amde of lego?"

[Reply #4 on:]

What if I was 500 feet tall...?

[Reply #5 on:]

What if I was a Dictator...?

[Reply #6 on:]

What if this thread had a real point?

[Reply #7 on:]

What if Ben was 500 feet tall?

[Reply #8 on:]

What if Futurama never existed?

[Reply #9 on:]

...what if you could slide into a thousand different worlds, where it's the same year, and you're the same person, but everything else is different.

And what if you can't find your way home?

*hums the "Sliders" theme tune*

[Reply #10 on:]

What if you could get shot through a wormhole into some distant part of the galaxy onto a ship -- a living ship -- full of escpaed prisoners (your friends)?

[Reply #11 on:]

What if your ship was violently pulled to another part of the galaxy, killing a large portion of your crew in the process, and forcing you to band together with a group of outlaws, while you face a long voyage home, low on manpower, supplies, energy and every vital mineral possible?

What if all those insurmountable obstacles disappeared all of a sudden, and it was business as usual?

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by Teral:
What if your ship was violently pulled to another part of the galaxy, killing a large portion of your crew in the process, and forcing you to band together with a group of outlaws, while you face a long voyage home, low on manpower, supplies, energy and every vital mineral possible?

What if all those insurmountable obstacles disappeared all of a sudden, and it was business as usual?

What if you did a prequel, and no one came?

[Reply #13 on:]

 

Originally posted by bartman:
It's to do with futurama though.
i'll start off with "what if the world was amde of lego?"

3 words: Male pattern baldness.

[Reply #14 on:]

What if I became Richer than Bill Gates

[Reply #15 on:]

What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home, up in heaven all alone, nobody callin' on the phone, 'cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...

[Reply #16 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nurdbot:
What if I became Richer than Bill Gates

That's easy.  You'd buy Fox and uncancel Futurama.

[Reply #17 on:]

what if i were king of tailand?

[Reply #18 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home, up in heaven all alone, nobody callin' on the phone, 'cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...

A fine song, Kryten. From Joan Osborne or someone, isn't it?   

What if beaming WAS possible?

[Reply #19 on:]

Isnt that Alanis Morrisette? (ugh)

[Reply #20 on:]

what if the world was run by animal's

[Reply #21 on:]

 

Originally posted by bartman:
what if the world was run by animal's

Communism won't look so bad and shooting Animals would once again be a Survival Technique.

[Reply #22 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home, up in heaven all alone, nobody callin' on the phone, 'cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...

He'd have front row seats to all the Lakers games
He'd make Mr Blackwell's worst dessed list for always sporting the same white rope
The Pope would be out of a job
He'd rack up a ton of money on Jeopardy
He'd make a guest appearance on Friends
He'd still have problems with AOL and his cable company

What if someone actually answered all these what-if's?

[Reply #23 on:]

What if Nintendo let Sony build their CD-rom add-on for Super Nintendo as planned instead of splitting up with them?

[Reply #24 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
 What if you did a prequel, and no one came?

With Jolene Blalock and her sprayed on cozzie, I don't think you'll have to worry about that... 

[Reply #25 on:]

You could say the same about Jeri Ryan. And yet the show still...

What if tv programs aren't made based on the lowest common denominator?

[Reply #26 on:]

What if PEEL ruled the world?

[Reply #27 on:]

 

Originally posted by Ben:
What if I was 500 feet tall...?

You'd be killed by a giant Lobster, with hillairious consequences!

[Reply #28 on:]

 

Originally posted by Guy:
What if PEEL ruled the world?

What if?

But I've already said too much.

[Reply #29 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nurdbot:
What if I was a Dictator...?

The world would become a mess of plotholes and spelling errors.

[Reply #30 on:]

What if someone got cryogenically frozen and woken up in the year 3000?

[Reply #31 on:]

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

[Reply #32 on:]

 

Originally posted by wu_konguk:
What if this thread had a real point?

Then you'd never have asked that question and I would have never not answered it.

[Reply #33 on:]

What if God was one of us?

[Reply #34 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
What if Ben was 500 feet tall?

Then he'd be killed by a giant lobster, with hilliarious consequences!

[Reply #35 on:]

 

Originally posted by BarneyBurnham:
What if God was one of us?

Why would any God want to be one of us?  This is an awfully shitty world we live in.

[Reply #36 on:]

 

Originally posted by BarneyBurnham:
What if God was one of us?

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home, up in heaven all alone, nobody callin' on the phone, 'cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...

[Reply #37 on:]

What would happen if Microsoft became a freindly company which made error free computers.

[Reply #38 on:]

What if pigs flew, Hell froze over, and monkeys flew out my butt?

[Reply #39 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
What if pigs flew, Hell froze over, and monkeys flew out my butt?

The RAF will be called in for culling,Satan will be replaced My frosty the snowman and you'd need a Plug of fur,Pinecombs and old leafs up you're but.Trust the bears on that.