Fanfiction: New London Calling

[on:]

If You Don't Like Us, There's Always American Idol!

Screen: Good Vibes cartoon


Scene 1:

At Planet Express, Farnsworth is looking for Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg. And sees them at a bus stop.

Farnsworth: Good news every........what?

Then Farnsworth walks up to them.

Hermes: Hey, Professor! Coming to California with us?

Farnsworth: You're all going to California? That's why you're here?

Hermes: Well, yes. I'm going to a Beaurcrat convention.

Amy: I'm going to a graduation party at Kappa Kappa Wong!

Zoidberg: I'm going to visit my uncle Zoid!

Farnworth (crestfallen): Have fun.

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all boarded the hoverbus to go to California.



Scene 2:

Farnsworth watches sadly as Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg take off.

Scruffy: All alone, eh?

Farnsworth: Exactly.

Just then Fry, Bender, and Leela come in thought the door.

Farnsworth: Yes! Company!

Bender: So you see Fry, in the world of sidekicks, the skinny guy is supposed to be the straight guy...

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!

Leela: What's the mission?

Farnsworth: You 3 are going to deliver this box of tea and crumpets to the planet New London!

Fry: Didn't we already go to a place like that?

Leela: Yes, it was called New new New England.

Bender: I heard New London is the sister planet to the one we've been to.

Farnsworth: Indeed! The planet's culture is based on England's Victorian Times.

Bender: The prostitutes there have bad teeth! Looks like Obama Care strikes again!

Scruffy loaded the box of Tea and Crumpets onto the ship.

Leela: Where's everyone else?

Farnsworth: They all went to California on their own accord.....

Leela: Come on, fat slobs!

Bender (pulling up Fry's shirt showing her his emiciated body): AHEM!!!!

Leela: Okay, fat slob and scrawny idiot! Let's go!

Fry: Didn't have to do that Bender!

Bender: Trying to remind her you're not fat!

Fry: Wish to hell I was.

Leela, Bender, and Fry all boarded the PLanet Express ship and took off for New London!

Scruffy: Alone again, naturally?

Farnsworth; Nope! Not anymore! I prefer Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg's company to theirs!



Scene 3:

The Planet Express ship soars through space to get to New London.

Fry: What were you saying about skinny people being straight?

Bender: Oh, that. I was saying in the world of sidekicks, the skinny guy is the straight guy and the fat guy is dumb and bumbling! Like Abbott and Costello, or David Spade and Chris Farley


Fry: Since I'm skinny, does this mean, I'm the straight one?


Bender: No! What I meant was it's a rarity that the skinny guy is the dumb and bumbling one! You my friend are that rarity! The one percent!

Leela: One percent? Why don't you go occupy Wall Street, Bender?

Fry: That's not true! There's been some dumb skinny people! Stan Laurel! Don Knotts! Gilligan!

Bender: That's because they were only playing a part! In real life they were smart! They had brains! They were the ones who thought up of the jokes!

Fry sits down ashamed and his lavender colored polka dot pajama bottoms show underneath is jeans


Bender (sing song voice): Fry's wearing pajama bottoms under his jeans!

Fry (pulling up his jeans): No! I wasn't! Leela! You believe me, right?

Leela: Yes, I guess.

Bender: Trying to cover up how scrawny you are?

Fry (angerly): There's nothing wrong with a little help!

Bender: Whatever you say, one percent!

Leela: Okay, we're headed into New London!

Fry: Let me guess, you're the 99%!

The Planet Express ship lands in New London.



Scene 4:



The Planet Express Ship lands in New London, Fry, Bender, and Leela all got out. The whole planet inhabinants are humans and robots. Everyone here was in Victorian style clothes. It was a futuristic version of the Victorian era.

Leela: Okay, here's the plan. We're going to deliver these flowers and we're going back to earth


Fry: Can we go to California and join up with Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg?

Leela: Sure, that way the Professor thinks we've been gone long.

Bender: I wonder if we'll run into Rex Harrison's head here. Anyone know what his last words were?

Fry: Not really.

Bender: Stop playing that Goddamn guitar! (laughs) Want those to be my last words when I die!

Leela: Okay, we're here.

Bender gives the box to to the ladybot in the kiosk.

Eliza: Oh, thank you! All I want is a room somewhere....

Robots (joining in): Big and huge beyond compare!

Bender: I think that's our cue to leave!

Fry: California here we come!

Once they leave the musical scene, they hear some motorcycles in the distance.

Leela: Oh, Lord! Why do I have the feeling we're going to be here longer than we think?

Bender: Yep, looks that way, they're coming closer!

Fry: Apaches!

Bender: Apaches are Indians you scrawny moron!

One of the bikers hits Bender and he lands in a trash can and surround Fry and Leela.

Leela: Fry, go hide! I'll handle this!

The bikers were known as The Cockney Gang. They were big fat baldhuman men. They were all dressed in leather.

Gang Member 1: Well, well, what do we have here!

Gang Member 2: We don't like your kind around here!

Leela: Get the hell out of here! We're not afraid of you!

Fry: Get away from us, please!

Gang Member 3: Yous got something on your shirt!

Leela: We're not falling for that...

Fry: Where?

The Cockney Gang blows some blow darts and Fry and Leela and they both fall asleep!

Gang Member 4: We got ourselves some captives! (laughs)

They all pick up Fry and Leela and speed away in their motorcycles.

Bender (comes out of the trash can): Oh, no! Fry and Leela got kidnapped by bikers! Hey, you know what this means? I can have an adventure to myself! (runs away laughing).

[Reply #1 on:]

Scene 5:

Song: Wolf Parade's Modern World plays.

Bender celebrates by running around and doing scrobats all over New London. Bender vandalizes buildings with spraypaint and dances around with prostitutes, drink beer at the pubs and swings on ropes that make church bells ring pissing off monks and nuns. All that time Bender was having fun, a cloaked figure watches him.

Cloaked Figure: There's hope for those 3 yet!


Scene 6:

Bender tries to figure out what kind of fun he wants to do next. The cloaked figure approaches him.

Cloaked Figure: I say there! How about we go find your friends?

Bender: What the *beep* are you? Sally Field in The Flying Nun?

The Cloaked Figure revealed himself to be Ashenbot. He's gold, has circle eyes, a square face, trianglar body, a trench coat and fedora.

Ashenbot: I am Ashenbot! I work for New London Intellegence. In the Espionage Division!

Bender (laughs): More like New London lack of intellegence!

Ashenbot: I say old chap, I saw what happened to you friends. I want to help you get them back.

Bender: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to help them!

Ashenbot: Also, I'm after the Cockney Gang.

Bender: Don't care! Those bikers can have them! All they do is hold me down!

Ashenbot (hits Bender): Look here,youbloody bloke! You are going to help me, whether you like it or not!

Bender (begrudgingly): All right, fine! Want to keep my job, anyway.

Ashenbot: Splendid! Let's go back to the scene where your friends were taken.

Bender and Ashenbot both go back to the alley where the Cockney Gang got Fry and Leela.


Scene 7:

At the scene, Ashenbot has a plan and explains to Bender why he's after the Cockney Gang.

Ashenbot: A Ha! All we need to do is follow the tracks backwards!

Bender: You British do everything backwards!

Ashenbot (laughs): Insulting sense of humor you have.....(hits Bender)

Bender: Hey! Just why are you after this Cockney Gang? Are they like Guy Faulks?

Ashenbot: Because old chap, they're a gang of vandals and murderers. They want to blow up everything. Their big goal is to obliterate Bigger Ben.

Bender: Is that like Big Ben?

Ashenbot: Precisely!

Bender and Ashenbot follow the tracks backwards. Meanwhile in an abandoned warehouse Fry and Leela start to come to.

Fry: Did I just get frozen for another thousand years?

Leela: No, we're still in 3012.

Fry: We're locked inside, Leela. Try to find a way out.

Leela: On it!

Then Leela kicks the doors and windows with no avail.

Leela: Great! That's just great! We're locked inside. Looks like we'll have to wait for Bender to save us!

Fry: Welcome to my world!

Motorcycles are heard and the Cockney Gang go inside to check on Fry and Leela.

Gang Member #1: Okay, here's the plan. We're taking the man with us!

Leela: Leave him alone you sick *beep*! Take me instead! I'm the one you want!

Gang Member #2: We wouldn't be caught dead taking a one-eyed wanker like you, FREAK!

Leela: How could you kidnap a poor, helpless man like that?

Fry: Yes, it's true. I have no wherewithal to defend myself!

Gang Member #3: Take the man!

Leela (angerly): Hope you all end up behind bars!

Gang Member #4: As for you wanker....

Gang Member #1: You're going to stay here until you rot!

Leela: You'll pay for this.......

Just as Leela was about to attack them, the Cockney Gang leader blows a blow dart that lands in her neck. Leela is knocked out. The Cockney Gang dirves off on their motorcycles as they take Fry away.

Fry: BENDER!!!!! LEELA!!!!!! HEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!


Scene 8:

Bender and Ashenbot continue to follow the tracks backwards. At Bigger Ben the Cockney Gang is inside the clock tower restraining Fry. They tie up Fry to a platform from his chest to his ankles. They plant a bomb on the platform Fry is tied up to. It was a time bomb.

Gang Member #3: There! No one will ever stop us now!

Fry: What's happening?

Gang Member #2: Glad you asked, scrawny bloke!

Gang Member #1: In three hours at the stroke of midnight, Bigger Ben will blow up!

Gang Member #4: All of New London will be destroyed! And you will go up with it, scrawny bloke!

Fry: My name is not scrawny bloke, it's Philip J......

The Cockney Gang gags his mouth with duct tape, and they all laugh evilly and take off.

Fry (sobbing and muffling): I'M BONED!!!

Meanwhile, Bender and Ashenbot approach the warehouse and found Leela who was knocked out.

Ashenbot: Are those one of your friends?

Bender: Unfortunately, yes! Careful of her! She's a bitch! She suffering from a permanent case of PM.....

Ashenbot: Right-O! (hits Bender with a cane)

Bender: I'm getting pretty sick of that....

They both enter the warehouse and walk up to Leela.

Bender: Want to know another thing you Brits do backwards? Drive! What's the deal with you dudes drives on the wrong side of the road?

Ashenbot: Let's revive your friend! (shakes fist at Bender)

Bender: Whatever!

[Reply #2 on:]

OK.... I'll close the old one.

[Reply #3 on:]

Scene 9:

Ashenbot gets some smelling salt and tries to revive Leela with no luck.

Bender: Why isn't she waking up?

Ashenbot: She got hit with a blow dart.

Bender: Maybe she's in a (singing) coma, coma, coma coma coma cha.......

Ashenbot: ENOUGH! Find some way to wake her!

Bender: I got it, sheesh!

Then Bender drinks some beer and burps fire in Leela's direction. She wakes right up.

Leela: No! Don't take Fry! Bender! Did you wake me up with fire again?

Bender: Sure did.

Ashenbot: I'm Ashenbot. From New London Intellegence.

Leela: I'm Turanga Leela. Spaceship captain. (shakes Ashenbot's hand).

Bender: He forced me to team up with him. I was going to feed you to the wolves, but.....

Ashenbot (pushes Bender): Was there another guy with you?

Leela: Yes, our delivery boy Fry. The Cockney Gang took him and left me here.

Ashenbot: Great scott! The Cockney Gang has taken your friend Fry to Bigger Ben! And they're known to use time bombs!

Bender: Time boms? Sounds like 24!

Ashenbot: Indeed so. They kept bragging about using a time bomb to blow up Bigger Ben at the stroke of midnight!

Bender (checks his watch): That's three hours from now!

Leela: Yes, and it's 9 pm! We'll never make it in there on time!

Ashenbot: Come you two. We'll get there by train.

Bender: Take us to the church on time!

Ashenbot: Stop making fun of our favorite musical! (hits Bender again).

Bender and Leela were being lead by Ashenbot to his motorcycle. They all get in and head for the train station.


Scene 10:

They all arrive at the train station and go on a train headed for Bigger Ben. The train was moving very slowly.

Bender: Blimey this train ride is so boring! Eeeek! Now I'm starting to talk like a wussy Brit!

Ashenbot (sardonically): You're rather impatient, why don't you ask the conductor?

Leela: Are all the trains here this slow?

Ashenbot: Yes, it will take us precisely 2 3/4 hours to get there.

Bender: Not only are you British backwards, you're also slow on the uptake!

Ashenbot: You're pushing it, robot!

Leela: I just hope we can get to Fry on time!

Bender: Or else Fry will be blowed to Slurmnereens!

An hour as passed, but it felt like an eternity.

Leela: Oh, Lord. I almost wish we were watching a Seth Rogan movie.

Bender: Yeah, bad enough we have to be with the British 40 Year Old Virgin......

Ashenbot (hits Bender with a cane and holds him upside down out a window): I've had enough of your attitude, old chap! You wil treat me with respect or so help me nature, I will throw you out of the train and into the river!

Bender: Okay, all right! I give! Pull me back in.

Ashenbot pulls Bender back into the train.

Leela (laughs): Looks like you met your match, Bender!

Bender: Shut up......

Ashenbot (hits Bender with a cane): You will treat the lady as such! Or I will teach you manners like hell won't have it! Someone should've taught them to you a long time ago!

Bender (scared and backs away): Okay.

The train continues to go slow for the next hour. Then they arrive at Bigger Ben with minutes to spare. The full moon in the night sky shone down on them.


Scene 11 Conclusion:

The train stopped at Bigger Ben. Leela, Bender, and Ashenbot all ran in. Only to see The Cockney Gang playing cards

Gang Member #2: I fold!

Gang Member #3: All in!

Ashenbot: Freeze! You're all under arest for crimes against humanity!

Gang Member #4: Well, well, well, if it isn't that wanker cyclops! I thought we knocked you out!

Gang Member #1: Looks like she brought some toys with her! (laughs)

Bender (shaking his fist): Who are you calling a toy?

Leela: Why don't you try to fight us so you can see who the wanker really is?

Ashenbot: Here's the plan,you and the lady fight off these blokes and I'll go disarm the bomb!

Leela: Looks like they're about to attack anyway!

Gang Member #1: ATTACK!

Song: The Ravenette's Revenge of The Ghost Riders plays.

Bender and Leela beat up the Cockney Gang while Ahenbot flies to the top of Bigger Ben to disarm the bomb on the platform Fry was tied to.

Ashenbot: So, you must be Fry. Won't your friends be glad to see you!

The Cockney Gang was subdued. Leela and Bender race to the top of Bigger Ben.

Leela: Whew! That's a relief!

Song Ends.

Fry (mumbling): Get me out of here!

Bender (flying with jet pack): Hang on Scrawny! Skinny hang on! Check me out, I'm the Rocketeer!

Ashenbot and Bender were both untying Fry. Leela was at the bottom.

Fry: Thank you for rescuing me from those awful bikers! Oh, Bender! (sobs and hugs Bender) You saved my life. I thought I was going to die! (cries).

Bender: Hopefully, that will be soon enough!

Ashenbot hits Bender with his pipe.

Bender: Hey! Dammit! Wonder if Eric Cartman's had days like this?

Leela: Excuse me! I can't fly. What am I supposed to do while you guys are up there?

Ashenbot: See those chains on the wall? Take them down and restrain the Cockey Gang with them.

Leela: On it!

Ashenbot: Call the authorities while you're at it!

Leela takes the chains on the wall and goes downstairs and fetters the wrists and ankles of the Cockey Gang.

Gang Member #2: Ouch! That's too tight!

Leela: What about what you all did to my friend?

As soon as Leela's done, she calls the police who came fast and Ashenbot throws the disarmed bomb into the water which causes an explosion. Bender carries Fry as him and Ashenbot fly down from Bigger Ben.

Policeman #1: Are these the Cockney Gang?

Leela: Sure is, Bobbies! They've paid for their crimes now!

Bender: Yep, they're signed, sealed delivered! They're yours!

Policeman #2: Cockney Gang into the paddy wagon with you! Congratulations Ashenbot! I don't know how you do it!

Ashenbot: It was nothing really. Goodbye blokes! Thanks for all your help.

Leela: No problem!

Bender: Now you can find some other robot to beat up!

Ashenbot and the Policemen lead the fettered Cockney Gang into the paddywagon and drove off.

Fry: That was the worst expirience of my life! I thought I was a goner! All I kept hearing was ticking!

Leela: It's all over now Fry. It's all over.

Fry: Good! I hope that Cockney Gang all burn in hell!

Bender: Enough already! Let's all stop talking about it and leave this dump and to go California!

Leela: Let's go have some fun.

Fry: We deserve to after what we went through.

Bender: You? What about me? Ashenbot kept kicking my shiny metal ass!

Fry, Bender, and Leela all laugh as they head back to the ship and leave New London to go join Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg in Los Angeles.



THE END