death clock, time zone change

[on:]

Greetings, this is my first ever post.  For those in a hurry, the link to the first part of the story is at the end.

On Feb. 28 I saw part of "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" in a hotel room, and was surprised by its quality.  I had seen Futurama from the first season and hadn't been that impressed.  So I looked up Futurama on Wikipedia and was intrigued.  I saw some partial clips of "Devil's Hands" and "The Sting" on YouTube and was hooked, and soon I had the entire DVD series.  I guess technically I've gone backwards through the whole canon, which was an interesting experience.

At first I was troubled why I was so obsessed with what is a first blush an animated TV show--I've lost quite a bit of work time, and was even wondering what was wrong with me for a couple of weeks.  Fortunately I've found PEEL, and there seem to be a lot of maladjusted people out there.     

Besides the sacred canon I've really enjoyed the apocryphal works of JBERGES, Venus, SoylentOrange, Layla, Shiny, Kryten, cold_angel, Tounge Luck, DrThunder88, Xanfor, Red_Line, Officer 1BDI, purplefish, and many others at this site and TLZ.  I also loved FemJesse's art and comic strip on TLZ.  I've put little nods to some of them in the fiction that follows.

What I have eventually realized is that this Futurama obsession has helped pull me out of a deep depression I now recognize I was going through at the time.  I say this not to elicit pity, but from scanning PEEL posts I've noticed that a few people may have experienced similar issues, and sometimes it can help to know that others have walked the path ahead of you.

Besides being excellent science fiction, I've come to believe that something in Futurama appeals to the melancholy soul, with deeply flawed characters trying to redeem themselves in a funny but in some sense very bleak future.  And what I had thought was an obsession may have actually been a healing.

  I am also glad to hear the show is returning from limbo, and I'm sure lots of new fans will be joining PEEL.

I wanted to write something as a personal challenge, as a healing experience, and as a thank you to the PEEL community.  So here it is, to be released in parts.  I tried my best to verify the plot was original (outside of Robert Heinlein, of course), but PEEL goes back a long way, and I'm sorry if this particular plot idea has been used before. 
I would be delighted to find a beta for the rest of it.

Thank you.

Link to pretty format below...
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_7fc52m7

[Reply #1 on:]

welcome JustNibblin'.
your story is looking great so far.

[Reply #2 on:]

Very Entertaining, it was a hilarious plot and everyone seemed to be more or less in character! oh, and of course, welcome to PEEL JustNibblin'! Enjoy your time here 

[Reply #3 on:]

It reads like an actual futurama episode. Well done. Im off to stuff olives up my nose!

[Reply #4 on:]

It's great Just Nibblin'! And the caption's good too, you should put it on "Good News Everyone!" Slogan Thread V3
Unregistered: Welcome to PEEL, the olives are to your left!

[Reply #5 on:]

Hurray, I'm useful!

Thanks for the nice comments. I'm enjoying your fic, ZoidFryLeelaAmy!

Part 2 of 7. 
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_8f7h68d

[Reply #6 on:]

 

Originally posted by JustNibblin':
Thanks for the nice comments. I'm enjoying your fic, ZoidFryLeelaAmy!

Really? Thanks! You REALLY should send that script to the Futurama team, it would make a great episode!!   

[Reply #7 on:]

Not a bad bit of work, JN.  I can't tell if the film script format or just the style of the writing reminds me of my own fics.  I sort of lost track of what was going on in the last bit of the second section and had to reread it, but the rest was good stuff.  Bonus points for:

 

True, but the possibility of cosmic irony terrifies me.

[Reply #8 on:]

FryLeela: Thanks again!  Though the show writers don't read fanfic for legal reasons.  We're just in this for ourselves, I guess.

DrThunder: Wow! One of the ancients!  I feel I've been contacted by a member of the Nibblonian Council!  Or a space pope!  I'd welcome any suggestions how to clear up the parallel action of part II.

I've tried to locate your fiction on PEEL and TLZ.  If you are on the latter, you're not using your name, and a PEEL search just turns up an enormous number of posts, hiding any threads that are your fanfic.  You've been busy.  Is there any way I can read some of your stuff?

This seems to be a general problem for newbie PEELies. 

Oh, yes, part 3 of 7.  These days any pass through the Futurama fanfic universe must swing by Venus, patient Peelie goddess...
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_9mdfxtg 

[Reply #9 on:]

Welcome.Welcome to PEEL.You have chosen,or been chosen to become a member of our nerdy community.Welcome.It's safer here.

Also,great fic.I'll read part 3 later,really cant be bothered now,but I read the first two and love 'em.

[Reply #10 on:]

WElcome to PEEL. I hope you stay. You seem a literate person. More and more people join and post nonsensical things or not at all. How did you not know that futurama is a new medication for all problems, but he side effects may be laziness.  The community will only try to vote you off the island and yell "you're fired" if you cause a severe disruption...that, or cause a tear in the spcae time contuum PEEL meltdown, which wouldn't be for the first time. It'd be the fourth.

[Reply #11 on:]

Welcome aboard, JustNibblin.  Liked your story.  I hope you enjoy your stay here. 

[Reply #12 on:]

There are a number of long blocks of Leela dialog in this section, which is sort of non-canonical.  That’s really my only complaint.  The only other things I didn’t like were things I didn’t like from the show itself (i.e. Morris and Munda, and Kif and Amy).

It is really starting to get good.  Struggling against a predetermined fate is, as you pointed out through Fry, a fairly popular sci-fi concept because of the built-in suspense of impending whatever (usually death).  You’re certainly building up to a real nail-biter, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

If I may offer a few suggestions from past experience about formatting that I think would help increase readership on future fics, you might want to forgo the film script format and just post the dialog directly in the thread.  Secondly, if you keep all the fics in one thread, people are more likely to read your prior works instead of just the new ones.

It has been a while since I shamelessly plugged a fic of my own, submitted for your approval are Curse of the One Eyed Jacks and The Social Order.  I've done a lot more reviewing than writing in this forum, and mine were minor hiccups in the grand scheme of things.

[Reply #13 on:]

Writer: Thanks!  Dunno, about the safer part, PEEL has some dangerous corners...That shipper thread for instance...

Zoidy: Stop making sense! Meltdowns?

Kurt: Thanks.  The natives are friendly.

Thunder: Honest feedback is always rare and much appreciated.  Point taken on Leela.  Unfortunately I'm predestined to post the rest of the script this way. I'll consider repasting entirety into thread at end, but I tried once and had some trouble with formatting and carriage returns after every line.  I'm going through your fics now.

Oh yes, and part 4 of 7: http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_10d9jn4j

[Reply #14 on:]

 

Originally posted by JustNibblin':

Besides the sacred canon I've really enjoyed the apocryphal works of JBERGES, Venus, SoylentOrange, Layla, Shiny, Kryten, cold_angel, Tounge Luck, and many others at this site

Aren't you forgetting someone? 

[Reply #15 on:]

 

Originally posted by Xanfor:
 Aren't you forgetting someone?   

Originally posted by JustNibblin':
Besides the sacred canon I've really enjoyed the apocryphal works of JBERGES, Venus, SoylentOrange, Layla, Shiny, Kryten, cold_angel, Tounge Luck, and many others at this site and TLZ.

[Reply #16 on:]

I may explode if the rest of this story is not posted today!

On a more serious note, it must have been difficult for you to post about your depression, so good for you.As you say, it is comforting for others to know that they are not the only ones.

And, welcome to the land where geekdom reigns

[Reply #17 on:]

 

What I have eventually realized is that this Futurama obsession has helped pull me out of a deep depression

For what it's worth, ditto on that 3 years ago. Hell, it's why I started writing fanfic as well; so how's that for those walking the path before?  Hope everything works out, and I quite agree with your insights as to the nature of the fanbase.

Anyway, if DrT likes a story, that means I will too, so I'll give this a read when I can.  Best of luck continuing it and thanks for the multiple shoutouts, of course. 

[Reply #18 on:]

What's this?  JBERGES, DrT, Zoidy and Corvus all posting on the same page?  Man, it's just like old times! 

Hey, JustNibblin'.  Welcome to PEEL.  I really like what I've seem of your script, though admittedly I havent read much of it yet.  The deathclock seems like an obvious plot generator... Dunno why I never thought of it. 

[Reply #19 on:]

Yes, meltdowns, in a sense of a metaphor. It can't literally melt, of course, unless s you had brain problems or had halucinations or daydreams while falling asleep at the computer, but PEEL has crashed three times in it's past. I'm sure WikiPEELia has something on it. Xanfor's profile has link to. It's very informative.

[Reply #20 on:]

Dr Thunder:  I'm still going through your fics, and am thoroughly enjoying them.  I'm really glad you linked me to it.  So far I'm impressed with the camera angles, neutral on your musical taste 

LuvFry:  Thanks for your sweet words.  It was hard on me and those who care for me, and even in our enlightened culture, it is something that most men can't talk about, or let their employeers suspect.

JBERGES:  Reading words like that from someone of your reputation means more to me than I could ever express in words.  So I won't even try.  I hope you like the story, sorry I had to destroy the Preventatron, the most dangerous fictional device ever invented.  No suspensful plot could exist while it existed.

Corvus: I've always loved your atavar(sp?) and your sig.. are you a Donnie Darko fan by any chance?

Xanfor:  SuperShipper!  Of course I know who you are!  This is a good omen, I think, because you've arrived just in time to check out the beginning of Scene 22 in Part 5 of 7 at the end of this post. Of course I wouldn't complain if you read the rest of it either!
I've read your "Amok Time" homage in your fanfic (first one I think).  I admit I haven't read them all, because I am not sure what order to read them in, and when dealing with your parallel universes the order is important. A secret hope of mine is that you'll post a really intelligent long-winded commentary on this story when it is finished.  Actually, I'll even settle for long-winded. 

Like Fry and Leela I'm racing the clock.  I'll be out of internet contact for up to two weeks starting Friday evening, so I'm having to pick up the posting pace a bit.  Sorry if the proofreading deteriorates a little...

Part 5 of 7:
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_11ghzgqg 

[Reply #21 on:]

Oh man, I love this story.  It's exciting, dramatic, intelligent... Wonderful.  I cannot wait for more!
 

FRY
What happened on Neptune?

MAYOR POOENMEYER
Sorry, don't know.  I'm a blog, and I just copied and pasted from that blog over there.

FRY turns around.  Running down the street are countless identical booths, all of which are running identical copies of the MAYOR's image.

See, this is an excellent in-show joke.  I see this happening in the show so easily; it's one of those "sly commentaries on society" with the sci-fi twist they do so well.  Great gag.

 

ELZAR (clamping two hands down on FRY)
Yeah, opera guy here. People are still talking about that night.  And blernsball lady there--worst player in history.  All here!

BENDER
Don't forget the iron chef champion.

ELZAR refuses to acknowledge BENDER.

Also very easy to picture [and hilarious!  ]

 

FRY
Look!  The stars are coming out!  There's Venus! And Xan IV!  How shiny they are!

LEELA
Oh, yes, in the Ship constellation...
(smiling)

Oh wow, that was awesome.  Niiiiice.

(Whew!  Now I know what you mean about the formatting!    )

[Reply #22 on:]

Fantastic work, you really seem to have a good balance of plot elements and emotions going, I almost don't want to see it end. Because it's so good. I also want it to end because I know it's going to be fantastic.

[Reply #23 on:]

I can't say Amy is out of character in this section when she gets all clingy and lovey-dovey and seriously sentimental whenever Kif's involved, because the show's writers unfortunately made that happen.

The back-and-forth flow of the dialog is much more natural in section 4.

I love the robot betting scene.  Their ideas of bet distribution were priceless.  The Hedonismbot is always a welcome character, in my opinion.  The reference to erogenous simulators was pricelss (and infinitely decadent).  The "spamming" joke didn't quite hit the mark the way the rest of the lines in that section did, though.

Bender's database access was classic.  I love when robots behave like robots in a non-robotic manner.

Also, Zapp was pretty hilarious.  I especially like the plow-metaphor; it's almost too clever.

[Reply #24 on:]

Hey! Welcome to PEEL. 

I can empathize with you about the depression thing -- and if you're going to obsess over something to get you well again, Futurama is a damn fine choice. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality and bipolar disorders, and I swear that sometimes the only way to lift a self-destructive mood is to laugh.

I hope you have fun here. This is the Universe's #1 Forum. 

[Reply #25 on:]

soylentOrange: Thanks! Love your 2.75 fics so far.  You can really write a battle scene!

Prof. Zoidy--I looked over your art thread.       

Sedna: Thanks, I really savored those adjectives: although I must admit I didn't intend one of those quotes to be a joke.  But hey, I got a freebie!

Sine Wave: Thanks, and I've been peeking at your story a bit, too.

Milksong:  Hello, good to meet you, and thanks. Yes, Futurama is a good obsession, especially since more is coming.  I'm impressed how the fan base has lasted through all those dry years in between. 

DrT: Finished your "one-eyed jack" story.  Loved the rapid-fire dialouge, and cut myself on the wit a few times.  Reminded me of the 1930s machine-gun dialogue movies like "Girl Friday"--besides the bon mots already mentioned by the others, I have a soft spot for "I'm an expert at not doing what I'm told. The key is to ignore what you're told to do."

You caught me on the spam.  It was a throwaway line because my inspiration had expired.  I'm also sensing you are probably not a fan of sensitive squishy Kif vs. bitter sarcastic Kif.  There is also bad news for you, more Morris and Munda in part 6 of 7 below.  I'm curious--what about them don't you like?


Part 6 of 7...
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_16ghgmdj

[Reply #26 on:]

Awesome! Let me guess: Fry's bet is years from their "death day."

Now that I've read this, it's going to make it impossible for me to concentrate today! Oh cruel fate, that I must wait for the rest of this fic!

[Reply #27 on:]

 

although I must admit I didn't intend one of those quotes to be a joke. But hey, I got a freebie!

I guess the way I pictured it made it funny in my head. 

Man, I'm enjoying this fic a lot.  And what really sucks is that I'm heading home today for a bit of an early weekend - I don't have Internet access there.  If I miss the 7th part by the time I leave today I'll be really aching to read it!  Ah well, it'll give me something to look forward to when I come back, I suppose.

 

Awesome! Let me guess: Fry's bet is years from their "death day."

Oh wow.  That is a great ... Amazing idea.  Makes so much sense.

[Reply #28 on:]

That's what I've been thinking this whole time, too (which makes it really hard for me to forgive Leela for treating Fry like crap in the last chapter, but I guess I can't blame her for thinking otherwise).

I have a more troubling theory about the Slurm, though:

Show spoiler

Wouldn't it be horrible and delightfully twistful if the Slurm is what ends up killing Fry (assuming he dies at all)?

Rather than gush about how awesome this story is, I'd just like to say that I'm adding you, JustNibblin', to my list of fanauthors who I theorize are members of the writing staff posing as humble fanfiction writers.  I'd rather gush about the story when it's finished, so I can hit everything in one post. :P

Also... if I ever pick up a pen and write something involving Fry's nephew, can I borrow that whole bagpipe inference?  I thought that was brilliant.

[Reply #29 on:]

Hi everyone,

I'm on the road and replying from an internet cafe, so I'm sorry I can't reply to everyone in person.

I'm going to pull a Fry here. There are actually 8 parts to the story, so a "part 8 of 7" will follow this post.

Part 7 of 7:
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_13nxxfs4

[Reply #30 on:]

Fry honorary double-post here.  Sorry. Part 8 of 7.

I'm at the end, and I'm nervous.  Things get complex, I hope it's clear.

I hope some of you take as much pleasure from this story as I have writing it. As you may see from the final line, I think the story is symbolic of the show.

Long live Futurama.
Part 8 of 7:
 http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ajgst8h74j2h_15vv5bgn

[Reply #31 on:]

Very nice! Loved the way you tied the ressurection of the show in at the end!

[Reply #32 on:]

Part 6
What is this "NOOP" that keeps coming up?  I see it interspered with "DOOP," so I get the feeling I misread an explantion in the text somewhere along the line.

The bagpipes thing is original, and I like what you're trying to do, but it loses some steam as you set it up.  It might have been more streamlined if Fry started the music, explained the significance, and then forwent the waltz.  I've also never thought of Fry as one of those people who loves the "old country."  It's an interesting characterization, but it seems to have been introduced all at once.

The last part of the update was the best, in my opinion.  I'm not sure I understand Munda's line about "saving our lives, months ago" or Morris' line about losing friends.  I did chuckle, somewhat unintentionally, when I read, "spit him in the face for me."  My immediate mental rejoinder was, "All your face are belong to us."  That's the kind of sick weirdo you're dealing with here.

Seriously though, Leela being consumed by the death clock's prophecy is done very well. 

Last Parts
Fry's humorousness seems to have returned in force during the first part of Part 7.  It was good to see him like that again.  The Leela/Bender argument was pretty good too.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be imagining in the existential metaphor scene.  I understand what's happening, and it's cool if you believe in near death experiences as anything more than zero blood pressure hallucinations, but I'm sure such an abstract scene would be better described through visual depictions than literary ones.  Still, your wordsmithing is well done throughout.

I thought you reached the climax well.  Fry probably didn't have to list as many of his accomplishments as he did, but it's nice to see him embracing life as a counter to Leela fearing death.

Good work.  I hope this wasn't the last of your fics.  This forum is in need of a good scriptwritin' revival.

WARNING: The following contains Thundopinions not necessarily related to the topic at hand.

Show spoiler

It's not Kif's squishiness that bugs me.  Kif has been clingy and sensitive since "Brannigan Begin Again."  What I dislike is Amy being stripped of her Amyness.  Whenever Kif comes into play, she becomes caring, elloquent, and deep.  This is in direct contrast to the self-centered, clumsy, and shallow Amy we all know and love (or maybe it's just me).  I suppose that's what happens when they only have one backbone between the two of them.

I only really hate Morris and Munda because their existance screwed up the original version of my first fanfic.  Otherwise, they're just not entertaining to me.  Every once in a while, they got a good line, but it as never enough to engage me.  Also, they are a shipper's wet dream come true, but that's neither here nor there.

[/small]

[Reply #33 on:]

I've just came on PEEL after a week and hve just finished the first bit. It's great. I especially love...

 

HERMES: Fry, mon, try subtraction, not addition.
FRY:I don't believe in negativity.

I have got to try that on my Maths teacher 

I'm planing to start part 2 of 7 ... now.

Oh and a be-lated welcome to PEEL!

[Reply #34 on:]

Very nice story.  I'm a bit confused about the NOOP as well.  Since it was mentioned several times, I figure it wasn't a typo.  Also, I don't think I ever read what Leela's promise to Fry was.  Or did I miss that?

[Reply #35 on:]

Jolly good show, old bean. I'm also not clear on what Leela's promise was, maybe it's just left for the imagination, and if so, you are fairly cruel.

[Reply #36 on:]

Hello, I keep finding email access in places I don't expect.

It is a nice experience to have something you write be interesting enough for someone else to read it to the end.  In other words, I'm relieved this doesn't suck too badly.

PazuzuJr, SineWave, Crash, Sedna, Luvfry, Officer--thanks for the nice comments! (Sedna, what is your avatar from?)  Officer, please use as many bagpipes as you want.  I stole--excuse me, imitated--many other fan fic ideas in my story.

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:
What is this "NOOP" that keeps coming up?  I see it interspered with "DOOP," so I get the feeling I misread an explantion in the text somewhere along the line.

My bad, I meant "DOOP".  In my job I'm familiar with an organization with an acronym similar to "NOOP", and had a serious case of lexiadys.  So, no secret government organizations, sorry about the confusion.  Will edit that later.

As for Leela's promise and Munda's comment on fry saving herself and Morris...

Show spoiler

I know what Leela's promise is but I left it as a loose end, in case I ever get around to writing another fiction.  I will eventually modify the ending if it becomes clear to me that I won't ever write another story. I do like leaving it a bit vague, as Leela's mind is a bit of a cipher in the canon.  I do assure you, that being Leela, what she promised was not soap opera but was prudent and fully justified.  Put another way, I'm fairly cruel.

Munda's reference was to "Leela's Homeworld," where Fry may have prevented Leela's shooting her parents.  I see how that comment can be confusing and will remove it.  Morris's comment was not intended to refer to a specific cannon event.  I will need to work to make that less confusing, because his request is important in that it is directly related to Fry's actions in his "dream".

Dr. T, you are one hell of a reviewer, and you zeroed in many of the things I was uncomfortable about in the story.  The bagpipe section I added because I wanted to give a little nod to Scotland, where I finished the story.  But it is a bit lumpy in there, and I'll consider removing it as in some sense it doesn't add much to the plot.

I also agree that I am a bit uneven on Fry.  I personally find Fry by far the most difficult character to write.  You can write a fool, or a genius, but holy fools like Huck Finn, Forrest Gump, or Fry exist on multiple levels, and it is hard to make someone simultaneously lazy, stupid, unambitious, yet appealing, occaisionally insightful, and even heroic.  I take comfort in that I think even the show's writers took a couple of years to get Fry's character consistent.  Having watched the canon backward in a compressed timeframe really highlights that evolution.

Finally, I did slip into "scrose" at the end, and that I really should have a better way of visually describing some of the final scenes, instead of slipping into a novel.  I'll need some time away from the story to see whether that section can be revised in a more elegant manner.

Thanks y'all!

[Reply #37 on:]

Hey, just finished the story.  Overall, I liked the idea you had, and enjoyed watching Leela toe the line of insanity like we all know she's capable of. 

Show spoiler

I knew it had to be Leela that killed Fry, I just couldn’t figure out how

 

I was thinking about making 245 little comments about your work, what I liked and what I didn’t, but I think the main points would be lost (plus DrT handled a lot of it for me) So I’ll be brief and abridged.

Your writing style as a whole indicates that you are clearly an intelligent and clever individual.  You craft sentences well, and have a knack for description.  However, the problem is you can’t always be ‘yourself’ in your writing, and need to separate your natural writing tone from the tones of your characters. Waxing poetic while using words like ‘quite,’ ‘rather,’ ‘suppose,’ and ‘perhaps,’ are fine in narration, buy you won’t find Fry or Bender using them conversationally. I had this problem often in my latest fic, I may add, but luckily my beta would warn me (something to the tune of “Stop trying to sound so smart you idiot!!”)

One case in point: 

That thing must be able to draw not only fluid from the ground, but minerals as well.  And then it must have a way to precipitate them onto its teeth.

Amy said that?! 

Some lines I really liked:
 

I also think the emergency eject button and the disco ball display are a bit confusing as well.

 

Idiot--the mean and variance of the Poisson distribution are the same.

Ha, is it sad that I caught that? 

multidimensional space in your chest.

That's the best explanation yet.  I am also highly amused that Kif’s callsign is Kermit.

On a side note:
 

And we only have $300!

What happened to the 500 Fry just got?

All and all, you have great potential, and I think all the characterization hiccups will iron out as you get into the swing of things if when you write your next fic (My first fic is choppy as hell looking back).  Know that if I read a fic all the way through it means something, and best of luck.  Heed the Thunder.

[Reply #38 on:]

I can't believe I am just now discovering this story. It rocked out loud! And I loved the little references you made to me and my fic. Totally made my day!

[Reply #39 on:]

I just finished it all and it was great! The ending was done relly well.You managed to get the charaters personalities just right besides from one or two clever comments from Amy and Fry. Good job! I hope to see more of your fics!