A now really redundant thread

[Reply #80 on:]

All right, another update is coming soon, and before I post it, I have some comments I wish to repost and respond to.

     

Originally posted by Shiny:
That was frickin' brilliant.  Really.  I'm seriously impressed.

That was...JBerges-level excellent.

I read this, but that was back when I was a bigger n00b then I am today and I had no idea what it meant. Thank you, Shiny!

     

Originally posted by Shiny:
...and I liked them, especially the very sweet and nicely done Turanga segment [...] I enjoyed them.

[...]

1) Turanga segment.  Very nice, I loved reading it.  Though one thing bothers me a little....

Show spoiler

I know Turanga didn't really kill millions of people, thanks to Phillip's cleverness, but she DID do some pretty awful things before that that can't quite be chalked up to "product of her environment" ...like the death of their universe's Amy.  Don't get me wrong, I WANT her to be redeemed and be okay, but I think she'll have to (if you'll excuse the Catholic terminology) perform some act of contrition or something; redemption can't be TOO easy or it feels un-genuine

And if you have already planned such a thing in the upcoming 'movies,' feel free to slap me around with a large trout for doubting you. But if not, I think some further gesture, regret, apology, etc. to our Amy (as proxy) and (especially) to Phillip is needed.

But other than that small niggling feeling of unfinishedness, which may be only because it's a "bridge" piece, it was lovely.  The writing was beautiful and involving and I totally got into it.  Turanga's a neat character, I love the way you've handled her.  She feels like Leela but not too much, she's a different person but still fascinating.

Coming from you, Shiny, that's the best review I've ever gotten. Excuse me while I hang a frame around my monitor...

Now (in other news), my next fic should be up soon. I would post it in installments, like the greats of Venus and she-who-must-not-be-named, Shiny, but I just don't feel comfortable presenting something until I've gotten it all completely polished up. Plus, a bunch of little posts would be a pain to edit should I notice a continuity error.

So that means you'll just have to sit and read the whole thing.

     

Originally posted by TriggerHappyJim:
I keep intending to read this, its just too freaking  vast. Curse you Xanfor. *Shakes fist*

Yes, that means you too.

And now, before I leave, here's few more comments I'd like to show that I really did value and not just ignore.

     

Originally posted by Professor Zoidy:
Well, the original storyline, the characters from the alternate universe you brought to us to love and cry for if and when you decide they die, the in-depth desription of the characters, what they feel, how they look. That[/i] is what makes it a great fanfic.

Aww, shucks. :blush:

     

Originally posted by Venus:
[...] I really really liked it. Although it was sometimes a little confusing, i'd sometimes miss the change between the universes. But i loved the overall story. Shipperific!

I know you ain't seen much shipperific on this thread. But you will. You will.

( )

     

Originally posted by wongasta:
wow holy shit, i just read half of the first part, and everything i read is coming to my imagination...

i would animate this in flash only if i hav the voice acts... lol

excellent work!

Tank you vedy mucho... (Tips hat)

     

Originally posted by ClonedWizard:
If there is one thing I like just as much as time travel, it is alternate/parallel universes.  I realize I'm a month behind in reviewing, but... the thread has been posted to in the last few days and you said that it was never too late to hop on the FF train.  I really enjoyed the plot, the jokes, and the promise of more.  Based on the preview, I'm really looking forward to Movie 2.  It looks like there is more (alternate) universal goodness to come.

There will be. It just might take a while... :rollseyes:

But thanks for getting the earlier topology puns. (Moves ClonedLizard up to the same plane as Nerd-o-rama)


     

Originally posted by Professor Zoidy:
*slowly yells like Sarge* Xanfor!!! *stops yelling* Where is the rest of your story? You haven't updated it in a while. You make me very sad.

You know, I would have warned you that my next post would contain an update, but I don't answer people who yell.

     

Originally posted by Professor Zoidy:
Xanfor, I love you. The owl's sound told me immidiately what the sound reminded her of. It's that the character, this time being Leela, doesn't figure it out that gives suspense. The whole "missing the childhood" bit reminded me a lot of how Morris and Munda Turanga missed Leela's childhood, at least directly. (They still got a hint of it because of all those flushed pictures newspaper aricles and various letters of course.)

Wow... Somebody artistically interpreted something I wrote...

Whoo-hoo! I'm an artist!

     

Originally posted by PCC Fred:
Being about a different Fry and Leela, it's not shippy in the conventional sense, but that doesn't negate the fact you've done a fantastic job describing this Leela's depth of feeling for Philip, and the way in which she's spent years trying to rationalise denying those feelings.  It's shippy, but a different kind of shippy.

You have no idea what that means to me. Well, maybe you do. That statement was just meant to jokingly imply that it means more to me coming from you than it would be coming from me and going to you, which is obviously not true, and... Ok, let me start over here...

I'll go now...

Just kidding...

     

Originally posted by Futurama Llama:
Alright Professor Xanfor. I will do as you ask.
OH_YOUR_GOD!
That's my favorite FanFic, Xanfor! I love it!

Here's my list of favorite fanfics:

1) Lennie Asserholt's "No More Secrets 1 and 2"
2) Xanfor's "The one with the paralell universe"
3) pretty much all of bumblebeeTheta's stuff.

     

Originally posted by KitKatBar-Fry:
Oh, I loved No more secrets as well. And BumbleBee Theta's 'a helping hand' was awesome too. I liked yours too, Xanfor. 

     

Originally posted by Benders_Fan:
Like Peter would say"That's Freaking Sweet!!!"
That was really,really good!

Thank you, thank you. Just want you guys to know that I really do appreciate these.

Note to self: Look up 'appreciate' in dictionary...

[Reply #81 on:]

   (Life is but a Dream)
   (written by Xanfor)

This fic is dedicated to everyone who has ever aspired for a dream.

-----------------------------------------------------------

In a mad fit of schizophrenia, Xanfor has revamped this fic and moved it to here.

Thank you for your dedication. This post will now self-destruct.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Reply #82 on:]

Wow!  That was awesome!  If Layla's the queen of the shippy fic, then you Xanfor, are the king of concept sci-fi.  And once again you've thrown all the pieces up in the air to create another variation on the F/L relationship.  Brilliant work. 

[Reply #83 on:]

That. Was. Awesome.

Trippy, shippy and you kept me right on the edge of my seat! All good things, great original story.
I'll be waiting for another; more! more! more! (no pressure  )

[Reply #84 on:]

Fuck, that was a long piece, but I loved it to bits. Xanfor, you have officially made my day.

[Reply #85 on:]

i havent read it all yet, but it's great so far.  I'll try and make some time for a review later this weekend 

[Reply #86 on:]

I loved it.  It was much better than Cats.  I want to read it again and again.


Seriously, that was excellent.  I especially liked the "Pong Farr" and the desk-bell gag, and of course the relationship nuances were as subtly spot-on as we have come to expect from your stuff.

Reading it lightened up an otherwise crappy Sunday afternoon for me. 

[Reply #87 on:]

Rough draft, here. I'll rewrite it in prose, eventually...

Summary: ('Anthology of Interest' Script) Fry finds himself the last human being alive in the universe, with only a hologram, a monotonic computer and a humanoid ham-lover for company; Bender falls in love with the Countess once again, causing certain repercussions among certain members of a certain crew; and Farnsworth retires, promoting Leela to active CEO until Cubert reaches the age of discretion. Of course, suddenly without help, Fry finds himself overwhelmed trying to enforce eight certain simple rules... Based on Matt Groening's bittersweet romance, 'Futurama'.


Disclaimer: I currently have a team of lawyers working on it, but as of yet, I don't own 'Futurama' or any of it's characters.

   (Anthology of Interest π )
   (written by Xanfor)

-----------------------------------------------------------

In a mad fit of schizophrenia, Xanfor will eventually revamp this fic and move it to here.

Thank you for your dedication. This post will now self-destruct.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Reply #88 on:]

Interesting, I would actually like to know the answer to Bender's question as well. I don't really get the 'smugging' bits, but it's still a fun story so far.

[Reply #89 on:]

FINALLY!!! The wait is over! Although, I don't get the 'smugging' bits either.

I loved the intro... it's so very Futurama

Can't wait for the rest...OH NO! MORE WAITING!!!

[Reply #90 on:]

Heh, Bender's "quaint" comment, a reference to Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home? Scotty trying to use primitive 20th Century computer equipment.

[Reply #91 on:]

 

Originally posted by coldangel_1:
... Bender's "quaint" comment, a reference to Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home?

It seems so. And, from the few bits I skimmed, it seems the whole 'One Smug of an Italian Appliance-Up' segment is a rip-off parody of "Red Dwarf." 

Xanfor, you seem to have a taste for British humor- er, humour.

[Reply #92 on:]

Picking out homages is one of my favourite pasttimes. And British humour kicks arse.

[Reply #93 on:]

Ahh! You got the 'Star Trek IV' reference! I was wondering if anyone would get that, and while I was wondering, I forgot to put in the title sequence and a funny caption!

Well, excuse me. I'll have to come back and fix that later. Maybe tomorrow. In the meanwhile, Spacedal11 has inspired me to write yet another fic. What can I say? PEEL has an almost unlimited supply of that stuff. (Inspiration.) Wish me luck.

And SpaceCase, since you know all my 'rip-offs' and such, would you mind explaining to the rest of these mortals the pun in the title 'One Smug of an Italian Appliance-Up'?

   

If you dare!   

 

Originally posted by Shiny:
Seriously, that was excellent.  I especially liked the "Pong Farr" and the desk-bell gag, and of course the relationship nuances were as subtly spot-on as we have come to expect from your stuff.

Really? I'm spot on? Usually that's addressed at you, or Venus, or Layla...

I think my secret is simply avoiding senarios in which I don't know how the characters would respond. Which is why this next fic I'm tackling is going to be a challenge. Wish me luck!

I've got the world on a thread, typin' on  a keyboard, I've got the keyboard, hooked up to a computer.

What a board, what a life...

I can write!

[Reply #94 on:]

Originally posted by Xanfor:
... And SpaceCase, since you know all my 'rip-offs' and such, would you mind explaining to the rest of these mortals the pun in the title 'One Smug of an Italian Appliance-Up'?

• You give me more credit than I'm due.
• Parody. Not rip-off, parody!
  
• I haven't a clue, though I suspect it has to do with the term "Smeg-up."

[Reply #95 on:]

Who said parody? Oh, right... You did. Silly me. Now return my credit, or I will be forced to destroy you! Puny PEELer, you will reveal to me my devestatingly funny pun, or suffer the consequences!

Eh-hem. Morbo gets tired of yelling at a computer. Morbo types much more terrifyingly.

(People scream)

Shut up! Morbo wishes to inform people of an upcoming fic!

Morbo has now informed people! Now Morbo demands to know SpaceCase's gender!

This board will be easy prey for Morbo's people, yes indeed, whooo-ha-ha...

[Reply #96 on:]

 

Originally posted by Xanfor:
Who said parody? Oh, right... You did. Silly me. Now return my credit, or I will be forced to destroy you!

[*Yawn*]
Oh! I’m sorry, were you talking to me?

Puny PEELer, you will reveal to me my devestatingly funny pun...

I was going to say you prove my assertion that the pun is the lowest form of humor, but I don’t think you quite made the cut... 

... or suffer the consequences!

[Grins evilly]
[Al Bundy]
Let’s rawk…
[/A.B.]

Eh-hem. Morbo gets tired of yelling at a computer. Morbo types much more terrifyingly.

Really?  You’ll must show me sometime.

(People scream)

Shut up! Morbo wishes to inform people of an upcoming fic!

Morbo has now informed people! Now Morbo demands to know SpaceCase's gender!

Personnally I prefer “none of the above,” or “undecided,” but neither of those is available on PEEL.
You tell me.

This board will be easy prey for Morbo's people, yes indeed, whooo-ha-ha...

[*Tsk*] 
You missed your medication again, didn’t you?

[Reply #97 on:]

The following post contains a segment from an incomplete version of a fic that I eventually rewrote entirely from scratch. It is preserved here merely for posterity, however, is also spoiler-encased so that no one is tempted to actually read it. The final, complete, and much less sucky version is posted on the next page.

Show spoiler

   (Wasn't It Yesterday?) or, alternatively,
   (Amuk Time)
   (written by Xanfor)

Based on the original idea by Spacedal11.

-----------------------------------------------------------


   “Aww, for the love of XPete, somebody change the channel!”

   “Sorry, Bender, that's the only one we can get out here.”

   “Then turn it off!”

   Fry did so.

   Bender stared out at the cold wasteland of space. First, nothing to see, now, nothing to listen to. Except, of course, crummy meatbags chatting. Ack, crummy meatbags! He deserved better. Bender started trying to count stars to pass the time. That took half a picosecond. Great, now what?

   Fry and Leela weren't chatting. In fact, they weren't really doing anything.

   In fact, they didn't even exist.

   Not that they knew this, of course. They thought they existed. But that did nothing to change the pure and simple fact that they didn't.

   Fry turned to face Leela, who was flying the ship with an expression that could've recovered Antarctica with glaciers. That is, provided the professor invented a machine that could convert bland boredom into a small glass of ice cubes.

   Leela stared straight forward, completely detached from her surroundings. Until...

   Ahh... There they are...

   “Uh, Leela? What are those?”

   “Those are black holes, Fry.”

   “And what are those things that keep falling and looping around them in some form of Stanley Kubrick interstellar ballet?”

   “Those are white holes, Bender.”

   The ship swerved and manoeuvred through the tricky spacescape.  One wrong move, and they'd all be super-slurpy-slushies in the stomach of somebody who's metabolism didn't really care for super-slurpy-slushies all that much.

   Leela piloted expertly. Once, she almost lost her balance and had to slingshot out of a black star's grasp at speeds the Environmental Protection Agency would have disapproved of, but when it was all said and done, the singularity had suffered no damage and they were now actually a few minutes ahead of schedule.

   Then she heard a voice in her head. It sounded like Farnsworth for some reason.

   5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Withdraw!

   And Leela appeared to faint. The ship lurched forward uncontrollably. Fry and Bender were thrown out of their seats.

   “What the... Fry, what did you do?”

   “Leela! Leela, what's wrong?”

   Fry stood up as quickly as he could and ran over to the pilot's chair.

   “Leela? Leela, wake up! Leela! Bender, can you tell what's wrong with her?”

   “She looks dead to me-”

   A large ripple of sorts passed through them.

   Leela fainted. Fry and Bender hit the floor.

   “What the... Fry, what did you do?”

   “Leela! Leela, what's-”

   Another ripple distorted the ship. Bender, being by far the most calculating member of the crew, noticed.

   “She looks dead to me-” he found himself saying, before dropping to the ground and being blown back into his seat.

   “Leela? Leela, wake up! Leela! Bender, can you tell what's wrong with her?”

   Fry ran backwards over to his chair and buckled himself in. Leela fainted.

   “What the... Fry, what are you doing?”

   “Leela! Leela, what's wrong?”

   “Fry, you just said that!”

   “What?

   Leela fainted.

   “We're trapped in a time warp!” Bender yelled, “We must've been hit by a time wave!”

   “How would you know?” cried Fry, once again falling out of his chair.

   “Try reading a comic once in a while, will ya?”

   “Ahh, so that's what those dark blots in the white bubbles are...”

   Leela fainted.

   And the ship was thrown forward into the heart of a nearby white hole with a force that should've at least been enough trigger a Little Big Bang.

   The ship didn't exist. Not anymore.

   For a long while, there was silence.

   Then Leela fainted.

   “What was that?” yelled Fry.

   “A space wave!” yelled Bender.

   Fry and Bender tried to break the recurring time warp cycle they were in by doing something different. They looked out the windshield.

   And saw the faint, shimmering redness of an event horizon fast approaching.

   Leela fainted.

   So did Fry and Bender.

~*~*~*~


   Farnsworth stared at his Viewtronumatic and shook his head at this pitiful performance. What a waste of time. He yelled for Hermes, and then reached over and picked up the phone.

   “Yes, professor mon?”

   “Hermes, get me the number for the Employment Agency.”

   “Oh, not again!”

   “Yes, again!”

   “Professor, this has happened to every crew of Planet Express since you founded it! You can't just go hire a new one!”

   “Oh, I suppose you're right...”

   “You've got that straight, mon.”

   “Well, go ready the ship up for a salvage mission. I'll stay here and stare at this screen for a while.”

   Hermes left the room, shaking his head. Inwardly, he smiled.

   Oh, I can't wait for the tax return on this one! he thought.

   His brain, stomach, liver, and small intestine all started up in a joyous conga line.

~*~*~*~

To be continued...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Short, I know. Expect more soon. Cliffhangers? You bet.

@SpaceCase: Yes.  

[Reply #98 on:]

 

Originally posted by Xanfor:
@SpaceCase: Yes. 

Aww, I'm sorry; I was trying to make a joke...
HeRe, HaVe SoMe Of MiNe... %^}

[Reply #99 on:]

Yay I'm glad you've started. I look forward to seeing how it developes. I also posted a picture of Ren on the "Let's look into the future" thread, if you wish to use it for refrence.

A.k.a You'd better use it for reference. 

[Reply #100 on:]

Great Red Dwarf parody, Xanfor.  I was going to whinge that you'd overdone Bender saying 'smug', but you redeemed yourself when Farnsworth used it after the What-If simulation had ended. 

[Reply #101 on:]

@Spacedal11 only!:

Show spoiler

Ok, copied all that down... I like the 'Sarcastic yet witty' bit. I'm gonna enjoy writing her.

Although I have an Idea for her eye. I was thinking that in order to make her eye patch less noticable, she wears her hair long in front to cover up one side of her face. Interested? Let me know.

Now, where's that profile for Evan?

Oh yes, and a few more things: It took a little thought in order to explain why Fry and Leela's children are on Earth when they'd supposedly been absent for twenty years. But I think I found how to explain it. Also, I've made the immigrating aliens Neptunians, because for some strange reason, Santa is slowly poisoning Neptune's atmosphere! (A reason which will be found and remedied later, of course.)

Please feel free to correct me if anything's not to your liking, including my plan to give Bender a major role.

(And since you say Ren learned street smarts from Bender, this should be very interesting...)

@PCC Fred: Thanks! I can picture it now...

(Bender hovers in digital nonexistence)
(His disk shatters)
(The cybergrim-reaper appears)
Reaper: You must come with me...
(Bender kicks him in the parallel port)
Bender: Only the good die young!
(Bender floats away)
(Reaper falls down in a byte heap)


@SpaceCase: Eww, what is this stuff? Wait, wait, I don't wanna know...

[Reply #102 on:]

Xanfor only:

Show spoiler

The long hair thing over her eye patch was my initial idea. You see that long piece of hair that hangs in front of her face is suppose to cover her eye which makes it all the more dramatic!
Evan's profile is non-existant for now. But I can just give it to you here, I'll see if I can draw him later. Age: 10 (which is why its all the more important that Ren has to watch over him, cause he's only a kid).
He looks just like Fry, cept his hair is a little longer and more brown-orange. Has braces. He wears a red t-shirt with black sleeves, and has a watch that works like Leela's wrist thingy. He wears jeans and sneakers too. Also he wears a ball-cap backwards, cause it makes him cool. He acts a lot like Fry too, and is really into space travel and the whole sci-fi comic book deal. He has this back-pack which usually he carries weird stuff, usually Nibbler.

Yeah the thing with Nibbler is that Evan talks to him. And only Evan. I mean no one really believes that Nibbler can talk or is smart, cept Evan. More or less it's a running gag.

As for the absent on Earth thing, I just picture it as withen the next 4 years of the current time, Fry and Leela got married and had Ren. Then 6 years later they had Evan, and so on. Then the aliens (Neptunians are fine), came, Earth got all corrupted and Fry and Leela and Bender somehow died. And then Ren and Evan meet their parents from 20 years before. I'm don't know what you have in mind but if you need to ask, just go ahead.

And I kind of expect Bender to have a major role. He is one of the main characters last time I checked. Unless you mean that in some other way.

Otherwise, I look forward to your plans and wait with anticipation for your work. Good luck.

[Reply #103 on:]

Just finished reading everything. Sometimes I am amazed at how easily I can picture your stories in my head. You are an awesome writer! You rock my world! I bow down at your superior writing skills! Can't wait for the rest 

[Reply #104 on:]

Oooh, time waves... wicked!

[Reply #105 on:]

 

Originally posted by Xanfor:
@SpaceCase: Eww, what is this stuff? Wait, wait, I don't wanna know...

What? You've never seen Thorazine before? 

Originally posted by coldangel_1:
Oooh, time waves... wicked!

SURF'S UP! 

[Reply #106 on:]

Haha.
Need to put some temporal wax on my time board...

[Reply #107 on:]

The following post contains a segment from an incomplete version of a fic that I eventually rewrote entirely from scratch. It is preserved here merely for posterity, however, is also spoiler-encased so that no one is tempted to actually read it. The final, complete, and much less sucky version is posted on the next page.

Show spoiler

   Farnsworth stomped angrily into the conference room. He was wearing his special stomping shoes, too, the ones made of that special stomping material he'd invented. This was a perfect time to stomp. So he stomped. He stomped up to the table. He stomped over to the crew.

   “Stop stomping!”

   “Shut up, Bender!” stomped the professor, “That performance was disgraceful, lousy, and quite possibly one of the worst I've ever witnessed! Quite possibly! In fact, I'd say even quite probable!”

   Fry took off his Virtual Reality helmet and returned to actual existence. The memories came back to him, and he remembered what it was they were doing. He remained silent.

   “Listen, you three, this mission is one of the most vital in the history of this company! You must be prepared for every possible contingency! In the simulations we've run so far, you've only been able to get halfway there!”

   “Well, if you'd stop taking Leela away from us...”

   “And what if she really were to faint, Bender? What would you do then?”

   Leela shook her head. She knew perfectly well that Bender would answer logically.

   “I'd get the hell out of there, that's what I'd do!”

   She also knew that there were people who knew how to use this to their advantage.

   “Well,” said a certain stomping individual, “You haven't been doing very good at it so far.”

   And he turned on the stomp of his stomping shoes and stomped out of the room.

~*~*~*~


   Hermes prepared the Planet Express ship up for it's salvage mission. He'd finally gotten his internal organs back into their proper places and was mentally reviewing the mission plan checklist he had prepared for Leela.

   Step I: Fly through dangerous fields of white holes and black holes.

   Step II: Fly very close to space belonging to enemy alien species.

   Step III: Recover remains of the Very First Planet Express ship, and it's very valuable cargo.

   Step IV: Repeat Steps II and I inversely.

   Step V: Stop by Office Supply.

   Step VI: Pick up Office Supplies.

   Step VII: Return to Earth

   Step VIII: Unload remains of the Very First Planet Express ship, and it's very valuable cargo.

   Step IX: Unload Office Supplies.

   Step X: Get lost.

   As he glanced over the steps, he assured himself that this was one mission the crew would survive.

   Despite the fact that there was more chance of running into Mother Teresa's Head at a Madonna concert, Hermes had almost convinced himself of that concept's validity when his thought processes were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the Virtual Reality Simulator screaming “Ship destroyed! Ship destroyed!” amid the loud cries of a 'Bender is Great' rendition of the Green Acres theme song.

~*~*~*~

   Twenty years later...


   Ren Avery Fry was awoken by the sound of a large crash.

   She rolled over, brushed her hair over her eye and went back to sleep.

~*~*~*~

To be continued...

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You know the hard thing about writing time paradoxes? You have to know where they end before you can begin.  

[Reply #108 on:]

Heehee, get lost.
Great shit.

[Reply #109 on:]

 

Originally posted by coldangel_1:

Great shit.

Not in my thread you don't!

[Reply #110 on:]

Haha!

[Reply #111 on:]

I want stomping shoes!

[Reply #112 on:]

Nice, the stomping boots/shoes were hilarious. Damn your short entries however. Make them longer! Give us something to wait for!!! 

[Reply #113 on:]

Stomping shoes-hilarious! I agree with Spacedal11, longer entries, please

[Reply #114 on:]

Ok, ok! Stomp, stomp, whatever. Longer entries. You got it. This weekend, probably. They're just short now because I gotta figure out the time paradoxes...

Stomp, stomp, stomp...

Pmots, pmots...

Wheeeeee!

[Reply #115 on:]

WOW I REALLY LIKED THIS ONE. I HAD TO RE READ IT ALOT BUT AWESOME!

[Reply #116 on:]

The following post contains a segment from an incomplete version of a fic that I eventually rewrote entirely from scratch. It is preserved here merely for posterity, however, is also spoiler-encased so that no one is tempted to actually read it. The final, complete, and much less sucky version is posted on the next page.

Show spoiler

   Present

   “Bender, B- B- B- Bender, Bender, B- B- B- Bender, Bender B- B- B- B- B- Bend!”

   Apparently, he was dreaming of Jeannie at the moment.

   So the ship soared towards the field of what Fry said looked like vomiting matter balls. Leela told him that they looked nothing like vomiting matter balls, and that vomiting matter balls usually tasted like strawberry, Soylent Orange or grape and came in tie-dye colored wrappers.

   “Bend, B- B- B- Bend!”

   Now he was bored.

   Click!

   “Well, I can say goodbye in the cold morning light,
   but I can't watch love die in the warmth of the night...
   If I've got to be-”

   “Aww, for the love of Mac!”

   Click!

   Silence.

   Several minutes went by. Nobody talked. Nobody, apparently, had anything to say.

   Bender counted the stars. Big whoop.

   Now what?

   Silence.

   Click!

   “...And now, tragic news from Neptune!”

   “Finally! Some tragic news!”

   “Santa has apparently gone berserk early this year, as indicated by his tragic poisoning of the Neptunian atmosphere.”

   “Morbo believes that the puny purple pigs should be allowed to die. They serve no useful purpose to my people, and thus their eradication will save us several cans of tear gas!”

   “Yes, you never can tell, can you? In related news, Earth President Richard Nixon has announced that Earth will gladly take in evacuating inhabitants, in order to ensure better relations with the Sol system's gas giants.”

   “Morbo's people have gas giants that by comparison make Jupiter look like a child's portion of bean burrito!”

   “To say nothing of your bean burritos, I'm sure. Up next, the fate of the New Horizions spacecraft.”

   Click!

   “That's terrible,” remarked Fry. “Why would Santa attack a planet that wasn't Earth? And not on Xmas, no less?”

   “Yeah,” agreed Leela. “I mean, where's the specialness of Xmas if you've got to experience it during other times of the year?”

   “Simulation complete, simulation complete! Full score!”

   “What the-”

   “Yes! We did it! All thanks and glory to Bender!”

   The holographic bridge faded from around them as they pulled off their helmets. The Memory-Supressing Beams shut off, and Fry and Leela were able to suddenly remember where they were.

   Bender just smiled. Silently.

   “Bender?” axed Leela.

   “Yes, M'Meatbag?”

   “How were you able to remember that we were in a simulation?”

   “I'm a robot,” explained Bender. “I can do such mighty things!”

   “Let's go tell the professor that we're ready now!” exclaimed Fry, oblivious.

   Leela was in no mood to go though the whole virtual experience again, and was thus slightly relieved that Bender had finally found some way to cheat. She turned to follow Fry out of the room, but cast a wary glance over the robot at the same time. Bender attempted not to notice, and being a robot, did so surprisingly well.

   Leela left and Bender pulled out a cigar. He ignited it with a snap of his fingers and puffed a few smoke squares. He sighed, swallowed the roll of burning turnip leaves and sighed again. He then stood up straight in a vaingloriously narcissistic way.

   “Thanks,” he muttered as he left the room. “I owe you one.”

   The Simulator was not programmed to interactively talk, but it was confused nonetheless. Why would Bender thank him in that manner for doing something that he'd been axed to do? Or, to be precise, threatened into doing with an axe? Something wasn't right here...

~*~*~*~


   Twenty years later...

   Evan was awoken by several dozen thin tendrils snaking over his face. He shot up straight.

   “Shhh!” said the shadowy figure beside him.

   “Professor? What are you doing up?”

   Evan glanced over the cyborg-like entity before him. Hovering at right about eye level, there was a jar, similar to the kind that preserved heads were kept in. However, in this one, there was brain. A brain which was wearing a pair of thick, goggle-looking glasses. Out of the bottom of the jar, hundreds of long, thin, wire-like filaments draped down to the floor, as well as over to the couch, the table, and the TV.

   He glanced around the lounge. It was still nighttime, and as a consequence, still extremely dark. The only light came from the small lamp embedded in the bottom of the jar, which was slightly yellowish and shone directly onto the cerebrum above.

   “Come,” said Farnsworth's voice synthesizer, “I have to show you something!”

   The brain and it's accompanying jar hovered away quickly as the tentacles slithered off the furniture and across the floor. Various lumpy shadows performed an upside-down glissade across the ceiling.

   Evan yawned and stood up slowly.

   “Hurry up, child! This is an emergency! We have to awake your sister!”

   At this time of the night? he thought, Like that's gonna make me want to move faster.

~*~*~*~


   Present

   An air of importance filled the hangar deck. This was the mission of a lifetime. This was the mission the professor had been training them for the past six years. This was the mission their careers all depended on. And their lives. This was the mission Planet Express had stayed in business for. This was the mission. This was the mission. This was the mission.

   Fry rushed back and forth inside the cargo bay. A few squirts here, a few squirts here... There. Now, take the scrub brush, press the button and...

   “Ahh!”

   “Careful, Fry!” yelled a voice from below.

   “I'll keep that in mind! Ow!”

   Leela glanced over the checklist and map Hermes had prepared, her trained eye was not unaware of the telltale marks of an ink eraser. She giggled as she read Step Eleven, and then tossed the paper onto her nearby workbench.

   “Leela, look out!”

   Leela ducked just in time as the little robotic scrub brush zoomed out of the ship. It zipped around her head for a second or two, and then plotted it's own course straight towards Bender.

   Bender decided to stare it down.

   He also learned an important lesson: Never attempt to stare down a berserk flying cleaning utensil set on a setting labeled 'For use by professionals only'.

   When he came to a second later, he was sparkling clean.

   A single laser shot took out the appliance, which sputtered downwards in a heap. Leela shook her head.

   “Stop fooling around, Bender!” she called. Fry muttered something incomprehensible, in which Leela just made out the passé term 'manually'. She glanced around her one more time to make sure she had everything. Boots, jacket, that other thing, and... Yes, there goes Bender.

   Leela watched him sneak up the ship's stairs. Probably up to no good she thought. I'll have to keep an eye on him. She turned around to pick up the checklist, when suddenly...

   It was gone.

   “Bender, did you take the mission plan?”

   “Hey, do you think I'm in the mode to take anything right now?” axed Bender, “Look at how shiny my ass is! It sparkles!”

   Of course, it did. Leela was not impressed, and it was only her complete sense of urgency to find the needed map that kept her from wondering why Bender was standing in the middle of the hangar when she'd just seen him go up into ship.

   “Bad news, everyone!”

   “What?”

   “You're still here! Get going!”

   “We're going, professor, we just, uh...”

   “You haven't lost the map, have you?”

   “What? No, of course not.”

   “Good, because I'll be needing it when you return. Now get out of here before you hit Rush Hour! That Neptunian immigration problem is going to wreak havoc on the exspaceways, and I need you to get back soon, before I test my latest invention!”

   Fry poked his head out of the cargo bay doors, his hair in such a mess it would have made Zoidberg look like the Betelgeuse Nebula.

   “We're ready!” he cried.

~*~*~*~


   “All systems functional, Captain.”

   “All porkpouches alive, beefbag”

   “Acknowledged,” replied Leela. She was well familiar with the formal launch routine.

   “Fry, activate the Ante-Grav.”

   “Aye!”

   “Bender, activate the Sensor Beams.”

   “Eye!”

   This was followed by a sizzling sound and a pause.

   “Activate the Booster, Fry.”

   “Booster Boosting at Maximum Boost!”

   “Bender, knock out Sergeant B.A.!”

   “Don't even think about it, sucker-”

   Bonk!

   The Planet Express ship zoomed off into the night.

~*~*~*~

To be continued...

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[Reply #117 on:]

Heh heh... 'bonk'. 

[Reply #118 on:]

Cool start, looking good Xanfor

[Reply #119 on:]

As always I don't know what to say when I read your fics.So I'll say what I think as simple as I can.WOW!
And I really want a update.


Comrades!Vote for P.A.T.T.H.E.B.U.N.N.Y.,fot a better PEEl!
C'mon people, are you voting for P.A.T.T.H.E.B.U.N.N.Y. or are you idiots?