Soon to be rendered obsolete - Futurama: The Fifth Season

[Reply #40 on:]

Yay! Leela's back! Kinda. I loved the background on her. I hope she's in this story a lot more then she was in the others.

[Reply #41 on:]

Okay, I don't usually bother reading fanfiction, but I liked the Scrubs homage, so I scrolled down and read the whole thing from the beginning.

It's not bad.  Some of the earlier parts are a little rough (typical fanfic quality, really), but the later installments show improvement.  I like the new characters.  (Any chance of getting Zed to draw pictures of them?)  I also like that you've given Amy a bigger role than she usually gets.  The callbacks to previous episodes are nice, too; continuity is a good thing.

[Reply #42 on:]

Yay, 42nd post! I just read parts one through three. I've got to go now, but I'll finish and comment on it tomorrow. (Sorry it took me so long!)

Oh, and that whole bit about the speech/text translator was priceless. I kept on laughing and laughing... Mainly because that already exists and you can buy it for about fifty dollars at a software store! 

That was sooo 'Futurama'. 

Keep it up!

I will be back!

(Just so you know)

Pause...

(I'll go now...)

[Reply #43 on:]

 

Originally posted by David A:
I like the new characters.  (Any chance of getting Zed to draw pictures of them?)

Well if you count quick character sketches, then, er, possibly.



Teehee?

Fred, I did email these to you. Please can you confirm if the email got through, or did my email program fail yet again?

[Reply #44 on:]

@Doug - I got your e-mail.  Hopefully you got my reply.  Hopefully you're too busy drafting a reply to my reply to notice this post.   

Pictures are great.  Like I said in the e-mail, Lucy looks particularly close to my mental image of her.  Angela's more complicated because in my mind she keeps ending up looking like this girl I knew at school called Angela.  But I like your interpretation of her.

@David A & Xanfor - I really appreciate you taking the time to read my entire fic from the start, especially after I posted the early installments in the wrong order.

@Xanfor - 3 7 11 23
As a matter of fact Part 2 was originally also going to include a joke about why Leela couldn't just get a hearing aid.  Fanrsworth explains that in 2023 hearing aids were banned after studies showed that 100% of users suffered from some kind of hearing problem...

Can't wait to see what you thought of Parts 4 and 5!

@David A - I agree that the later installemtns have been better.  Until I started writing this I hadn't written a prose story of any kind for nearly ten years, so a lot of what went on earlier is me trying to find my feet.

Part of the reason Amy plays a bigger part here is that with Leela on the sidelines and Angela a newbie, I wanted a couple more regulars around in addition to Fry and Bender.  Which is also why you're seeing more of Cubert.

As for continuity, links to past episodes play a big part in this story.  Oh my, yes...

@Ralph & Venus - Thanks, I'm glad you like it.  I was worried that this might be a bad move, leaving the main story hanging to go into Lost flashback mode.  In fact I nearly made this a ficlet seperate from 'The 5th Season'.

I know I've been short-changing the Leela fans on the board with this story so far, but please trust me that I know where I'm going with this.  Remember, everything happens for a raison...

So here's the concluding part of this installment.  Cheers to Doug for beta reading.

Episode Five - "Smile and the Whole World Smiles with You"
Second Part

*      *      *

'According to Lou, when it started in Nineteen-eighty, Applied Cryogenics took up just one floor of the building it's in, and only had room for about twenty people.  Now it takes up the entire building, with almost a thousand people in storage.  All the main offices are still based on the original floor, along with the remaining 'original' subjects.

After I'd finished with Eddie, Lou and Terry took me on a tour of the place, and introduced me to all the stiffs.  Some of them were frozen because they were terminally ill and hoped cures for their illnesses would be found in the future.  Others were frozen simply because they wanted to see what the future's like.  Boy, are they in for a disappointment.'

*      *      *

"...And this is Michelle Hennessey, who was frozen in Two Thousand and One.  According to her application her life in her own century was falling apart, so she had herself frozen in order to make a clean break."

Leela nodded in acknowledgement, barely able to feign interest as Lou and Terry introduced her to a seemingly never-ending succession of stiffs, insisting on regaling her with the life story of each and every one and why they came to be frozen.  Leela wasn't impressed; her own life was dull enough without having to hear about the uninteresting problems of uninteresting people from the Stupid Ages.

Terry walked over to the next tube, and began rubbing condensation off the glass.  "And here we have a very special guest with us.  His name is... uh oh."  Terry broke off, as through the glass he could now see the decaying remains of the tube's inhabitant.

Suddenly alert, Lou nipped round the back of the tube, and checked some of the connections on the back.  When he came back round, his face was sombre.  "It's no good, the atmosphere's been compromised.  Another pressure leak."

Terry sighed, and got a black body bag from a storage cupboard.  "I guess Mr. Disney won't be joining us after all."

Terry and Lou set to work, opening the tube and transferring the body to the bag.  Realising that Leela wasn't helping, Lou looked around.  "Leela, can you give us a..." He trailed off when he saw that Leela looked paler than usual, and she was trembling slightly.  Leaving Terry, Lou walked over and placed his arm around her shoulders.  "Leela, are you all right?"

Leela nodded.  "Yeah, yeah.  It's just that I... I never saw a d-dead body before."  As she spoke, the tear she'd been forcing back spilled out, rolling down the side of her nose before falling to earth.  Then another, and another.  "I'm-sorry," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"It's okay," said Lou, his arm still around Leela.  "Do you want to go back to your office while we finish?"

Leela shook her head.  "N-no, I'll be okay."  Calmer now, Leela took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face.  "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Lou motioned her over to the computer.  "You can enter the failure in the log, and update Mr. Disney's details."  Leela nodded, and sat down at the computer, while Lou and Terry finished bagging the body.  As she worked, Leela silently cursed herself for breaking down in front of a couple of complete strangers, and vowed that if the situation ever occurred again, she'd be stronger.

Once the body had been dealt with and the computer updated, they continued with the tour.  A goofy-looking redheaded guy in the end tube caught Leela's eye.  He was clutching a can of beer, and the panicked look on his face suggested that all hadn't gone well when he was frozen.  Leela pointed him out to Lou and Terry.  "What's that guy's story?"

Terry followed Leela's gaze.  "Now he's a mystery.  We can't find any biographical details for him in the computer.  No name, no record of why he's frozen, nothing.  A real 'John Doe'."

"Why do you think he's here?"

Lou shrugged.  "Dunno.  According to our scans he had some heart trouble in the past, but nothing that wasn't treatable back in his time.  Certainly wasn't terminal.  You know, from the look on his face I'm not even sure if he was frozen voluntarily."

Leela's eye widened.  "You think he might've been forced in there?"

"Maybe.  Maybe there was a break in or something.  Or maybe he just fell in accidentally, although God knows who'd be stupid enough to just fall into a cryogenic tube."

Leela walked over to the tube and stared closely at the frozen figure.  "Poor guy.  He's gonna be crushed when he wakes up and finds everyone he ever knew is dead."  Leela placed her hand on the glass of the tube in sympathy, then recoiled suddenly, as if she'd been bitten.

Terry watched as Leela leapt backwards.  "Leela?  Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah.  It's just that when I touched the tube, I got a weird feeling I'd been here before.  Like déjà vu."  Leela shook her head.  "It's okay, I'm fine."

Lou checked his watch.  "We'd better hurry up if we're going to finish the tour.  We've got one more floor after this one."

Casting a final backwards glance at the figure in the red jacket, Leela followed Lou and Terry out of the room and up to the next floor, where they introduced her to the remaining clients.

Soon they got to the final tube.  Reading off his electronic notepad, Terry announced, "And this is Lucinda Moon, age twenty-seven."

Leela rubbed the condensation off the glass to see the face inside, and gave a gasp of horror.  The girl inside was only a couple of years older than she was, but she looked so frail and gaunt Leela wouldn't have been surprised if Terry had told her she was ninety.  She was so thin Leela could easily make out the shape of her skull, while what must once have been a beautiful head of blonde hair was now thin and patchy, her scalp clearly visible.  "My God, what happened to her?" asked Leela.

"She contracted some kind of unknown disease," answered Terry, still reading off his notes.  "Named it after her, because she's the one and only known person ever to have suffered from it."

Lou picked up where Terry finished.  "There's a real story behind this girl, one that's been passed down through the centuries amongst everyone who's ever worked here.  Apparently in the Twentieth century her father owned a successful shipping business, and became a multi-millionaire.  But his wife died not long after Lucinda was born, so she was his only remaining family.  When she fell ill, he was so desperate to help her that he sold his company, and used the money to fund research into ways of treating her condition.  But the doctors were unsuccessful, so in a last-ditch effort to save her, he used the remaining money to have her frozen for a thousand years, hoping that a cure would be found in the meantime."

Leela stood by Lucinda's tube and gazed at the frail girl locked in her thousand-year long sleep.  "Wow.  I hope that when she's cured she appreciates how much her father did for her."  Hearing no reply, she turned to look at Lou and Terry, who were glancing nervously at each other.  "They did find a cure, didn't they?"

There was an awkward pause after which Lou finally stepped forward and said, "After Lucinda was frozen and no-one else contracted the illness, research into a cure wasn't a priority anymore.  She's due to wake up in about seven years, and there... there isn't any cure.  I'm sorry."

A note of despair began to creep into Leela's voice.  "You mean, everything her father sacrificed was all for nothing?"  Lou nodded glumly.  "But... what'll happen to her when she wakes up?"

"I honestly don't know, Leela.  Short of a miracle, there isn't much hope for her."

And for the third time that day, Leela felt an overwhelming sense of pity as she stared at the face of Lucinda, frozen for over nine hundred years, awaiting a future she wouldn't live long enough to enjoy.

*      *      *

'Hearing about how much that man sacrificed, I couldn't help but feel for him.   He gave up his business and his fortune to help his daughter, even though he'll never meet her again.  It really opened my eye.  I only hope that it wasn't in vain, and that somebody somewhere is able to help this girl.

Afterwards though it got me thinking.  All my life I've wondered why you abandoned me on Earth, whether it was to protect me from some disaster on my home planet, or because you couldn't care for me and wanted me to have a better life.'

Leela took a moment out from writing to look at the small metal bracelet encircling her right wrist, her one link with her absent family.  She knew that there was one other option she hadn't mentioned: that her parents didn't want her and had simply dropped her off on the nearest inhabited planet.  But she could never bring herself to believe that that might be the case.  The bracelet was evidence enough that her parents loved her, and that somewhere out there, they were waiting for her.

They were waiting for her...

'A lot of the time I feel like I don't belong here, and it makes me lonely.  Sometimes I've even hated you for abandoning me.  I never stopped to think about how you might've felt about leaving me here, even if it was for my own good.  But after hearing about Lucinda and her father, I think I'm beginning to understand now how hard it must've been for you to give me up, and I guess in some way I'm even grateful that you sacrificed so much for me.

I love you Mom and Dad, and I hope we meet each other soon,

Leela.'

The coffee was cold now, as Leela found out to her disgust when she took a sip.  Putting the mug back down next to her pen, she flipped back to the first page of the letter, and started to read it through.  Sadly, by now the emotions she'd felt while writing the letter were already starting to wear off, replaced by bitter cynicism.  Why the hell did I write this drivel? she wondered as she scanned the pages of thoughts and feelings she'd spent over an hour writing.  Finally, she gave up reading.  Tearing the offending pages from her notepad and screwing them into balls, she stormed into the bathroom and threw them all in the toilet bowl.  She grabbed the flush handle and yanked it hard, almost as if the ferocity of the action would somehow make the letter disappear faster.  The paper balls soon disappeared in the swirl of water, and Leela returned to her bedroom, muttering all the while about why did she keep doing this to herself and no-one's ever going to read it anyway so what's the point?

It was getting late now, so Leela got ready for bed, having a quick wash before slipping into her pyjamas and getting under the covers.  All the time unaware of the two large eyes watching her from behind the ventilation grate.

*      *      *

The alarm rang too early the following morning, as alarms tend to do.  With a groan Leela turned over in bed and blindly slapped at her bedside table until she finally silenced the offending clock.  After a couple of minutes spent coming to her senses, Leela groggily clambered out of bed, and opened the curtains.  Outside, the sun beamed down on the streets of New New York, where small groups of people were already milling about on their way to work.  The only cloud in the sky was the small black one directly over Leela as she observed the scene outside.  What a lovely day to be stuck indoors in the city's biggest freezer.

Leela turned away from the window, and was on her way to the bathroom for a shower when something amiss caught the corner of her eye, and she took two steps back.  Sitting on her desk, next to the writing pad and the mug of congealed coffee was a small brown cardboard box that she was certain hadn't been there the previous night.  Puzzled, she walked over to the desk and opened the lid, and her jaw dropped.  Inside the box were half a dozen cupcakes, neatly arranged in two rows of three.  Each cupcake was topped with icing in the shape of a letter, and when Leela read along the rows the letters spelled out a simple six-letter greeting: THANKS.

Bewildered, Leela stared at the box, then through the open door to the bathroom where she'd flushed the letter, then back to the box, and finally through the window of her bedroom again.  She walked back over to the window, and stared up at the sunny sky, her face breaking into a wide smile.  "You're welcome," she murmured, to no one in particular.

And behind the ventilation grate, Morris and Munda smiled lovingly as they watched their daughter withdraw from the window and pick up one of the cupcakes on her way to the bathroom.

*      *      *

July 2006

[Reply #45 on:]

Nicely done.That was really fun to read. Despite the disturbing Disney reference *shudder* It's nice to see more of Leela's point of view.
*Eagerly anticipates next installment*

[Reply #46 on:]

As much as i loved this installment i have to say you may be treading on Mary Sueism with Lucy's backstory. Mary Sues always have a tragic past and it usually gains great sympathy from the other characters. Since you already gave Angie a tragic past i was hoping Lucy's would be more mundane. You gotta remember not to make your original characters to 'special' all the canon characters are 'average joes' so if Angie and Lucy aren't as well it makes them really conspicuous as not really fitting into the futurama universe. For best results originals should be no better or worse off then the 'social circle' they hang out in.

[Reply #47 on:]

Although Venus has her point of too many characther having tragic backgrounds, we know and love Fry, Leela and Bender way too much for them to become 'average joes'.  Nobody else could ever equal the balance of passion and compassion that Leela possesses.  No other person could hold the amount of unconditional love that Fry holds for Leela and Bender is and always will be, Bender.

The background story does give Lucy a bit of background, it gives much more insight to Leela and how close to the surface her emotions are.  The harder she tries to bury them, the more violent the reactions she has when they surface.

Throughout the enire series, that was one of the many things that made Leela different - she will risk her life for the people she cares about - her actions betray her.  She may not tell Fry and Bender how much they mean to her - that would show weakness in her eye, but she'll risk her life to make sure that Fry and Bender (but especially Fry) stay safe.

This little flashback shows why Leela was so hard on Fry when he was first defrosted, why she didn't want to force him into a job he didn't want and why he touched her heart when he fled the assignment.

I say "Good Update" Fred.

[Reply #48 on:]

I meant that their 'average joes' in the sense that there's nothing all that special about them,  they're just everyday misfits trying to get through life. They're all screwed up in their own qwirky way. Fry's a slacker and a dunce, Leela's past has left her an emotional and social wreck with a bit of a violence streak, Amy's spoiled and shallow, Bender's a semi heartless klepto, Hermes' an unethical accountant, Farnsworth is an unethical scientist who sends people on suicide missions without a second thought, and Zoidberg is annoying and incompetent. of course we love them and see their good sides, but it's their flaws and their averageness that make us love them ( i mean their averageness based on the society they live in's standards, they're special to us but to the general public of NNY their nothing special. )

Then you have Angie and Lucy who appear to have no flaws at all. Both have had a tragic past but have managed to rise above it all apparently unscathed without any of the mental or emotional problems you would expect. Angie was raised an orphan after seeing her parents get killed and has responded by growing into a woman with a huge noble streak. Leela went through the orphan thing and look what it did to her.

I've also noticed a 'replacement' element. Angie's the replacement orphan and Lucy's the replacement doctor and replacement rich girl. Elements that made some of the canon characters individuals are being handed over to the newbies.

[Reply #49 on:]

Hmm, I see where you're coming from, but just wait and see...that's all I'm going to say on that matter. 

[Reply #50 on:]

I liked it. Frankly I didn't make the connection of Lucinda and Lucy. Cause I thought of that insomnia medicene or whatever it is. I liked it. We have a little bit of Leela insight finally. Keep a-rolling.

[Reply #51 on:]

 

Originally posted by Zed 85:
 Well if you count quick character sketches, then, er, possibly.

Teehee?

See, this is why you're my favorite Futurama fanartist: all I have to do is suggest something, and you've already drawn it; probably long before I ever thought to ask.   

 

Originally posted by Fred:
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my entire fic from the start, especially after I posted the early installments in the wrong order.

Actually, the fact that it was posted out of order is probably why I read the whole thing.  The Scrubs bit at the top of the page is what got me interested, but then I wondered who this Lucy person was.  I thought, "Oh, he's introducing a new character."  (Actually you had already introduced her earlier, but I didn't know that.)  Then, once she got inside, I wondered who this Angela person was and realized that I'd have to read the earlier chapters to find out, so I clicked on the link, and when that didn't work, I scrolled down to find the beginning and started reading.  If it had been posted in order, I might not have gotten that far, because I get distracted easily and...  Wait, what was I talking about again?

 

Part of the reason Amy plays a bigger part here is that with Leela on the sidelines and Angela a newbie, I wanted a couple more regulars around in addition to Fry and Bender. Which is also why you're seeing more of Cubert.

That makes sense.  I thought that maybe, like me, you just felt that Amy was an underused character who deserved more time in the spotlight.  Really, the way that you're using Amy is a lot like how I always thought that she should have been used on the show.

[Reply #52 on:]

 

Originally posted by Zed 85:
 just wait and see...   

I hope you're right. Cause if this thing dives headfirst into total unabashed suedom i've already figured out how it all ends.

If the rules of the Sue are followed then Angie and/or Lucy will be instrumental in getting Leela's hearing back. Then when Leela comes back to PE she and Angie will be pitted against each other, Leela coming off as petty and combative and Angie coming off as rightious and noble. Everyone on the crew will take Angie's side and tell Leela she's being to hard on her. Later Angie will sacrifice herself, dying a marters death. There may or may not be a dramatic pre-death speech. The entire staff will be absolutely crushed. They will grieve not as if they just lost a coworker they only knew for a month and a half, but as if they just lost a close family member. Even the staff members who have shown before that they wouldn't be fazed by a crew-member death will grieve just as hard as the others. The death will also cause the remaining crew to really contemplate their lives. This may possibly result in Leela deciding she wants to marry Fry because life is too short to play it safe.

But that's only if the Rules of Sue are follwed and i want to give Fred more credit then that. He hasn't completely fallen over that line yet but it would be very easy to do so.

[Reply #53 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
 I hope you're right. Cause if this thing dives headfirst into total unabashed suedom i've already figured out how it all ends.

If the rules of the Sue are followed then Angie and/or Lucy will be instrumental in getting Leela's hearing back. Then when Leela comes back to PE she and Angie will be pitted against each other, Leela coming off as petty and combative and Angie coming off as rightious and noble. Everyone on the crew will take Angie's side and tell Leela she's being to hard on her. Later Angie will sacrifice herself, dying a marters death. There may or may not be a dramatic pre-death speech. The entire staff will be absolutely crushed. They will grieve not as if they just lost a coworker they only knew for a month and a half, but as if they just lost a close family member. Even the staff members who have shown before that they wouldn't be fazed by a crew-member death will grieve just as hard as the others. The death will also cause the remaining crew to really contemplate their lives. This may possibly result in Leela deciding she wants to marry Fry because life is too short to play it safe.

But that's only if the Rules of Sue are follwed and i want to give Fred more credit then that. He hasn't completely fallen over that line yet but it would be very easy to do so.

Well I do know where it is going - it's not there, I can assure you. I'm going to be frank and say that I think you owe Fred a lot more credit than that.

Also, did I send you the full version of my draft fan-fic or the first Act of the rewrite? I was going to say, in the original draft, one of my OCs - the key character Dmitri - was an obvious Marty Stu. But the story was still liked by the majority who read it.

That said, I am significantly rewriting Dmitri's character. I am slightly paranoid about Mary Sue\Marty Stus, and for all my new characters, everybody has flaws!

[Reply #54 on:]

I really want to give fred more credit then that, it's just that sue symtoms keep popping up with each installment. But i do actually really like this story. It's well written and i like the storylines concerning Fry and Leela. I'm not a big fan of Angie due to the suishness she tends to display and i'm now a little wary of Lucy for the same reason but she hasn't been around long enough for me to really tell much about her.

You sent me both versions of your story. And i do really really like the original version. Because of what all happens with Fry Leela and Amy. There were issues with Dmitri, but he wasn't the character i was most focused on. Plus you were also able to avoid one of the biggest sue problems which is the 'spotlight hog' You kept the main story about the canon cast. Dmitri didn't take all the attention away from them. So he really wan't as big of a sue as you might have feared he was. I would have read you the riot act if he was.

I'm glad to hear you're still working on that fic i had feared that you might have abandoned it. How are the re-edits going? Did you put back in that large Leela/Amy chunk you cut out? Remember? I told you it was one of my favorite moments in a fic period?

I even still have the original and the edit saved to my hard drive. I even emailed it to myself when i set up my new computer so that i would still have it.

[Reply #55 on:]

Venus, Doug's right.  You do owe a me a lot more credit than you're giving me.  After Parts 3 and 4, a lot of PEELers, not the least of whom was yourself, complained about Leela being largely absent from the story.

Like I said earlier, I realised I'd been shortchanging the Leela fans, so I broke from the story plan, to write an extra installment centred around Leela.  I post it, and what happens?  You take the one paragraph in the entire installment that isn't totally Leela-centric, and use it to launch into a seemingly unending diatribe against my story.  I can take criticism, but I draw the line at someone posting four times to restate the same point.

And the 'Rules of Sue' post - NOT appreciated.  I may not be the best fanfic writer on this board, but I'm a damn sight better than that.

For the record, you made a good point in you initial response.  I did go too far with Lucy's backstory, at least so far as killing off her mother went.  I was thinking more in terms of Lucy's dad rather than Lucy herself when I wrote it, so I didn't realise I might be going overboard.

I stand by the rest of her backstory however.  Lucy's illness was mentioned way back in Part 2 as the reason she was frozen.  It stands to reason she comes from a wealthy background, otherwise how could she afford to pay for 1000 years' worth of cryogenic freezing?  And if your daughter was seriously ill, wouldn't you do everything in your power to help her?

As for Lucy being a 'replacement' rich girl, I thought I  made it fairly clear that Lucy's dad had used up the money a) trying to cure her, then b) having her frozen.  So unless he placed 3p in a bank account at some point, Lucy's no better off in the 31st century than any of the others.

And just for the record, why are you using this installment to beat me over the head some more about Angie?  She wasn't even in it, for God's sake!

I'm sorry I've had to come online and say all this.  I'm even more sorry now, because I've just read your latest update in the other thread, and not only is it one of the best I've read in any fic to date, but in many ways it really hits close to home for me.  But I really think you've gone over the top in criticising my story the last couple of days, and I'm not happy about it.

[Reply #56 on:]

blah, blah, blah, yackity-yackity-yack. 

Also Zed/Doug, I loved your pictures. I drew one of Andrea a while ago now that I'm remembering and it sucks. But I thought yours was cool.   

[Reply #57 on:]

 

Like I said earlier, I realised I'd been shortchanging the Leela fans, so I broke from the story plan, to write an extra installment centred around Leela. I post it, and what happens? You take the one paragraph in the entire installment that isn't totally Leela-centric, and use it to launch into a seemingly unending diatribe against my story.

[Bender]Then what do you think you should stop doing?[/Bender]

Seriously, you're the author here, Fred.  Tell the story that you want to tell, the way that you want to tell it.  Don't let others talk you into changing your story just because their favorite character doesn't happen to be the star.

Personally, I feel that the stuff about Lucy's backstory is essential to this installment.  Flashbacks to Leela's past are nice, but if the flashback didn't relate to the rest of the story in some way, then there'd be no reason to have it as part of this fanfic instead of writing it as a seperate ficlet, as you said.

[Reply #58 on:]

Never meant to offend you Fred and i didn't necessarily think you would follow the rules of Sue. In fact i was hoping that you wouldn't cause like i've said i do really like this story. It was just an example of what might happen if you did. It was only really meant to be a worst case scenerio and things almost never actually turn out worst case. I'm not diatribing against this story. Two of the four posts were direct responses to things other people said. I only made 2 unprovoked posts. If i hated this story i wouldn't be reading it. I admit i'm nervous about the possible direction this thing is headed in but you know where this story is heading far better then i do, i can only make guesses based on what information i've already been given. Plus i don't remember having read any past fics of yours so i really don't know what kind of story teller you really are. So far i don't think you're a bad one at all.

Oh, also the reason i kept mentioning Angie is that i just recently ( like 2 days ago ) reread the entire series. So she's fresh in my mind, also i kinda see all the installments as being one long fic.

And as for the replacement rich girl thing, i know she's fairly middle class now, what i meant was she was raised rich but doesn't act like it. I wouldn't expect a multimillionaire suddenly gone middle class would be so cheerful and well adjusted. But again, like i said, she's still new enough and hasn't been used enough for me to really tell that much about her. Also Michelle managed to have herself frozen and she's not rich which is part of the reason the wealth thing stuck out for me.

And i really wasn't complaining that Lucy was mentioned in this story. I know you needed some way to link this story to the rest of the series. The main problem i had was that Terry mentioned how her story was so special it got passed down throughout the ages. And since at the time he was telling Leela the past histories on all the stiffs, i didn't see why it was important to really drive in how special this story was. I just couldn't get why it couldn't have been just another story that Terry was telling that Leela just happened to latch onto.

I may be a little hyper sue sensitive, i admit, She's my biggest pet peeve so when i read a really awesome story with an oc and my sue sense starts tingling it's like an itch i can't scratch. If it makes you feel any better though i reacted the same way to Alesia in Kif White's Universe of Malice and i love that story. So it's really not a "let's pick on Fred" thing, or a "Fred's a lousy writer" thing. If i thought you were a lousy writer i wouldn't be making posts period cause i wouldn't even be entering this thread ever.

I do give you more credit then you think i do but i do stand by my observations and the points i made in my other posts. I do see sue elements, they do make me nervous, i'm hoping to be proven wrong. I can speculate on where things may be headed but i judge a fic based on what's already written not by what i fear may be written later. My judgement on this fic is that it's one of the better one's i've read.


edited for my complete inability to spell 'the'

[Reply #59 on:]

Hey guys, c'mon.  We can fight after we start drinking.

[Reply #60 on:]

@Venus - First off, I'm sorry I overreacted.  I still stand by what I said, but not how I said it.  The fact is I really value your opinions.  You're honest and forthright about saying what you like or didn't like about fics, without being bitchy or vindictive.  And I did sorta figure that you liked this fic, at least enough to keep reading it.  Which is why it got to me when you said you liked this latest update, only to follow it up with post after post accentuating its' negative points.  But there were better ways of expressing my feelings, and I should've kept a cooler head.  I feel even worse now upon learning that you went and re-read my entire fic.  I just hope that all this hasn't put you off.

As for the whole Mary Sue thing, I know at the moment things look dubious, but like Doug says, you don't know the whole picture yet.  A few installments down the line, the threat of Mary Sue characters will be the farthest thing from you mind...

...possibly because so much else will be going cathastrophically wrong with the story... 

The reason I had Terry and Lou make big deal out of Lucy's story is that while Lucy's entry in the database might include her name, age and the main reason she was frozen (terminally ill), the rest of it seemed more anecdotal, and to me it didn't seem realistic that that kind of information would be stored.

To be honest I'm disappointed that I might've made a botch of this Lucy bit.  It wasn't just a device to try and give this installment some context in relation to the rest of the fic; it's actually an important plot point in terms of the story as a whole.

Going back to some of the other points, being a doctor isn't what made Zoidberg unique.  Being a frighteningly incompetent, impoverished doctor is what made him unique.  Lucy's replaced him in title only.  Although what happens when she sees the staff dcotor's pay scale is anyone's guess...

It's the same deal with Angie.  She's only a replacement for Leela in terms of being the ship's captain.  Her being an orphan too was entirely coincidental.  And believe me, Angie's current backstory is a million times better than her original one.  It was dreadful!  I still have it on disk somewhere, Someday I'll post it, just to give everyone a good laugh.

@Ralph, Tastes Like Fry and Spacedal - I'm glad you liked the background on Leela.  I was worried that it might be too mushy, particularly the ending, but it seems to have turned out all right.  There'll also be more of Leela in the next installment, though the action's split more evenly between the characters.

@Doug - So, what did you make of that Episode Fifteen beta I sent you, where Leela and Angie elope?

*thread screehes to a halt.  Umpteen pairs of accusing eyes turn on Craig*

I kid, I kid...

@David A - I see what you mean.  I guess in a way it's not such a bad thing that I posted those installments backwards.

 

Really, the way that you're using Amy is a lot like how I always thought that she should have been used on the show.

I'm glad you feel that way, and I promise in future to find ways to use her more...

 

Seriously, you're the author here, Fred. Tell the story that you want to tell, the way that you want to tell it.

After Fred follows David's advice, and writes Episode Six the way Fred wants to:

 

Your fanfic's bad and you should feel bad!

Seriously, I get what you're saying, but I also want people to carry on reading this fic, and after Episode 3 went up on TLZ I got a ton of responses from people unhappy that Leela wasn't in it.  For that matter I wasn't happy either, Leela's my favourite character, and I'd somehow conspired to totally push her into the back ground.  I didn't just write this last installment to appease the Leela fans, I wrote it because I wanted to.

[Reply #61 on:]

 

Originally posted by PCC Fred:
To be honest I'm disappointed that I might've made a botch of this Lucy bit.  It wasn't just a device to try and give this installment some context in relation to the rest of the fic; it's actually an important plot point in terms of the story as a whole.

@Ralph, Tastes Like Fry and Spacedal - I'm glad you liked the background on Leela.  I was worried that it might be too mushy, particularly the ending, but it seems to have turned out all right.  There'll also be more of Leela in the next installment, though the action's split more evenly between the characters.

I gotta ask, what's a botch? And what do I taste like?

[Reply #62 on:]

Botch - well it's a British term, that I'm aware of anyway. Basically to botch, or to make a botch is to inadvertedly mess up. A "Botched Job" is one where basically it's gone wrong somewhere and the person knows it and can't\won't fully fix it.

I think.

Also, Tastes Like Fry is a username 
But the term "Tastes Like Fry and Spacedal" does sound wonderfully bizarre.

I meant to say, thanks for the comments by the way - Spacedal (though I said so in the email), David A and Venus. 

I'll just say in general that I have not given up on my Futurama fic - just that right now I'm writing a Knights of the Old Republic fic instead. But I certainly haven't abandoned it 

@Fred: Episode 15? Yes, I re-read it every night before I go to bed! 

Hmm, while I've hijacked the thread...

FORZA MINARDI!

Judo run (away)!

[Reply #63 on:]

 

Originally posted by PCC Fred:
  I just hope that all this hasn't put you off.

Nope, i'm good. It'll take more then deadly deadly bees to...GOOD LORD!!!

[Reply #64 on:]

Ah now I did not realize that. Funny how just yesterday I was saying to myself how Taste Like Fry is a cool username. Then I completely forgot it. Oh well. Yes and thank you again for steering me in the right direction Zed.

[Reply #65 on:]

 

Originally posted by PCC Fred:
@Ralph, Tastes Like Fry and Spacedal - I'm glad you liked the background on Leela. I was worried that it might be too mushy, particularly the ending, but it seems to have turned out all right. There'll also be more of Leela in the next installment, though the action's split more evenly between the characters.

It's good to see some Futurama based on Leela's point of view. Most episodes are based on Fry and it's a nice change to see a different focal point, such like the Sting or Obselutely Fabulous. Not that there's such thing as too much Fry 

 

Originally posted by Spacedal11:
Ah now I did not realize that. Funny how just yesterday I was saying to myself how Taste Like Fry is a cool username.

     

[Reply #66 on:]

 

Originally posted by PCC Fred:
Seriously, I get what you're saying, but I also want people to carry on reading this fic, and after Episode 3 went up on TLZ I got a ton of responses from people unhappy that Leela wasn't in it.  For that matter I wasn't happy either, Leela's my favourite character, and I'd somehow conspired to totally push her into the back ground.  I didn't just write this last installment to appease the Leela fans, I wrote it because I wanted to.

I just meant that, as a writer, you can't ever please everyone anyway, so you might as well just write what pleases you.  If you changed story because you wanted to, and if you're happy with the change, then no problem.

As for following my advice, when I said not to let others tell you what to do, that included me.  Don't listen to me either.

 

Originally posted by Spacedal11:
And what do I taste like?

Why are you asking us?  If anyone would know that, I'd think that you would.

And "botch" isn't an exclusively British term.   

[Reply #67 on:]

 

Originally posted by David A:
As for following my advice, when I said not to let others tell you what to do, that included me.  Don't listen to me either.

If I didn't listen to other people, I'd just end up listening to myself, and no good can come of that.

@Spacedal - As to what you taste like, I'm going to go for the only answer that won't get me arrested and say "chicken".

The good news is that all of a sudden bits of this story are starting to click.  I wrote five pages of the next installment yesterday, including a medium-sized plot revelation!  If I don't get bogged down again it may even be ready to publish some time in September.

[Reply #68 on:]

FUTURAMA: THE FIFTH SEASON
Episode Six - "Square One"
By Craig Williams

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Everything happens for a raison.

*      *      *

"Good news, everyone!" the Professor announced enthusiastically as he entered the conference room, Leela following closely behind with a huge smile on her face.  "I've managed to fix Leela's deafness!  It turns out that what we all thought was permanent and irreparable damage to her hearing was actually just a simple case of waxy build-up!"

Around the conference table, Bender, Amy, Lucy and Hermes cheered and applauded as Leela slid into the seat next to Fry, who hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.  "It's great to have you back, Leela."

The door slid open, and Angela walked in.  Seeing the joy on the faces of everyone around the table, she asked, "What's going on?"

"Leela's back!" Amy announced happily.  "Isn't it great?"

"Super," muttered Angela flatly.  She walked over to her usual seat, only to find it filled with a smirking Cyclops.  "You're in my seat, Leela."  Leela responded by sticking her tongue triumphantly out at Angela.

The Professor scratched his chin thoughtfully.  "Angela raises an interesting point.  We have eight senior members of staff, but only seven chairs around the conference table!  This is a serious dilemma!"

Angela shrugged.  "It's not that serious.  Can't we just get an extra chair?"

Everyone around the table laughed as if Angela's comment was the funniest thing they'd ever heard, while she just stood there, a feeling of humiliation building up inside her.

Finally Hermes, wiping tears from his eyes, managed to calm down enough to say, "Sweet office chair of Delaware, with jokes like dat you should be on de TV!  Getting an extra chair would cost de firm money we can't afford!  Laying off a member of staff however, saves the company t'ousands a year!  De question is, which staff member is least essential to de company?"

Hermes reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out an impossibly large book entitled Planet Express Company Policy.  He flipped through it until he found the page he was looking for.  "Here we are, staff complement.  Besides de Professor and meself we need a delivery boy..."

Fry raised his hand.  "Yo."

"...a chef..."

Bender waved his arms about theatrically.  "That's me!  I'm the chef!  Me!  Bender!"

"...an engineer, a doctor..." Amy and Lucy raised their hands and acknowledged Hermes.

"...and last but not least, a spaceship captain."  Angela and Leela both raised their hands and glared at each other.

"Obviously one of you has to go," said the Professor.  "The question is, which one?"

Hermes placed the book back in his jacket pocket and pulled out an impossibly large folder, labelled Planet Express Profits, 3003-04, and studied the papers inside.  "According to dis, profits at Planet Express have gone up one t'ousand percent since Angela took over as captain.  So if I know anyt'ing about which number is bigger dan de other..."

Fry dismissed Hermes' comments with a wave of the hand.  "Screw profit margins!  I want Leela back!"

"Yeah!" agreed Bender.  "Leela lets me keep most of the stuff I steal, not like Captain Preachy over there!"

Hermes looked at Amy and Lucy, both of whom nodded in agreement.  "Well, I guess dat's settled den.  Angela, you're fired!"

Angela felt as if she'd just been kicked in the stomach.  She looked at her ex co-workers.  "You all want Leela working here rather than me?"

"Sorry Angie," said Fry, picking up Leela's hands in his.  "Leela's been our friend for five years.  You were just a temporary replacement while she was ill."

"Yeah," agreed Amy.  "It's not like we, y'know, actually liked you or anything."

"You heard them, Angie", sneered Leela.  "Now hit the road!"

An urge to cry began to build up inside Angela.  She quickly bottled it and turned to Lucy.  "How can you like Leela better than me?  You've never even met her before today!"

Lucy held her hands up.  "I can't help it.  When I saw her walk in today, I just thought 'She's so much more likeable than old Scarface!'"

Angela began to feel like her chest was being squeezed.  "Wuh, what did you call me?"

"Scarface!  That was your nickname at the Orphanarium, wasn't it?"

"B... but how did you know?"

Fry raised his hand.  "I told them.  Hope you don't mind."

Angela's face began to turn red, and her eyes starting watering.  "Fry, how could you?  I told you that in confidence!"

"We didn't have anything better to talk about this morning, so I told them everything you told me back on the pirate ship.  You know, about nobody liking you and stuff."

"Wait a minute," interrupted the Professor, mystified.  "Nobody told ME!  What's this all about?"

"Angela used to be called 'Scarface' at the Orphanarium where she grew up." Bender chimed in.  "On account of her having a huge scar down her face 'n stuff."

The Professor's face brightened.  "Oh!  Well that is an appropriate nickname then.  Let's all start calling Angela 'Scarface'!"

Then, to Angela's horror everyone else in the room turned to her and pointed, chanting "Scarface!  Scarface!  Scarface!" in the same mocking tones the kids at the Oprhanarium had used.  By now Angela was physically shaking from the combination of anger and stress.  "Stop it!  Stop it stop it STOP IT!" she screamed, backing away from the conference table.

Amy rolled her eyes, and stopped chanting long enough to say.  "Sleesh Angie, stop taking things so seriously!  We're just kidding around!"

"Yeah, Scarface," said Leela.  "Stop being so uptight!  It's like you've got a steel rod up your ass!"  With that Leela and Amy resumed chanting with the others, while Angela stood there, bottom lip trembling, her hands balled into fists.

THESE ARE YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDS, ANGELA?  AND AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE FOR THEM TOO!  HOW CAN THEY TREAT YOU IN THIS MANNER?

"I... I don't know," Angela whimpered, too softly for anyone to hear over the sound of the incessant chanting.

SURELY YOU MUST REALISE NOW THAT THEY NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT YOU, ANGELA.  TO THEM YOU WERE NOTHING MORE THAN A SUBSTITUTE, A STAND-IN FOR THEIR PRECIOUS LEELA.  THEY LIED TO YOU, MADE YOU BELIEVE THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS, THEN AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY THEY DROP THEIR FAÇADE AND CAST YOU AWAY.  THEY HAVE BETRAYED YOUR TRUST AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP.  THEY ARE TO BE DESPISED.

ANGELA, YOU KNOW WHAT MUST BE DONE.

"Yes," murmured Angela.  She screwed her eyes tight shut, and began counting to ten in her head.  One, two, three... Her breathing slowed, she stopped trembling, and the urge to cry evaporated as a sense of calm came over her, despite the cruel chant still ringing in her ears.  Four, five, six, seven...  Angela's eyes snapped open, the tears replaced by a solid gaze of determination.  She began striding purposefully toward the conference table.  Eight, nine, TEN!  Angela reached into her jacket pocket, pulled out a projectile gun, and started firing madly into the group assembled round the table.

Farnsworth and Lucy were the first to fall, as the chanting died away, replaced by screams and wails as the crew ran around like headless chickens looking for some kind of hiding place.  Hermes ran for the door, but was picked off by Angela before he got halfway.  Amy tried to duck under the table, but Angela shot through a gap between the chairs and struck her in the chest.

Unconcerned by the carnage going on around him, Bender stood his ground.  "Wow!  Of everyone here I didn't think you'd be the one to go postal!  But my casing's bullet proof, so you'd better start playing nice!"

Angela snorted with derision.  Stupid robot didn't know the gun was filled with Dolomite-piercing bullets.  Well, he was about to find out.  Angela fired at Bender's head.  The bullet went straight through his casing and destroyed his CPU.  With a shower of sparks, Bender fell to the floor with a loud crash.

After satisfying herself that Bender was finished, Angela turned to see Leela and Fry huddled in one corner of the room, Fry standing in front of Leela, protecting her.  "You bitch, Angie!" yelled Fry.  "You'll never get away with this!"

Angela sneered contemptuously, and raised her gun.  The first shot hit Fry in the shoulder, and with a cry of pain he staggered back, clutching the injured arm with his other hand.  Angela fired two more times, both shots hitting Fry squarely in the chest, blood splattering in all directions.

"FRY!" screamed Leela, catching him in her arms as he fell.  Her clothes now stained red, Leela cradled the head of the dying delivery boy in her lap, while above them Angela watched impassively.  A few moments later Fry's laboured breathing faded away, and his head dropped limply, eyes staring sightlessly into space.  Scarcely able to believe what had just happened, Leela continued to hold his head, stroking his hair softly.  "Fry, no..." she whimpered softly, before breaking down in a fit of uncontrollable sobs.  Leela looked up at Angela, and through the tears and the pain Angela could see the unspoken question in the Cyclops' single, reddened eye; Why did you do this?

Angela's response was to point the gun at Leela's forehead and press the trigger.  The bullet passed right through Leela's head, exploding out the back of her skull, and she collapsed over Fry's body.  Angela walked over and stood over the two corpses, a satisfied smile creeping over her face.

YOUR MISSION IS COMPLETE, ANGELA.  WELL DONE.

"Thank you," replied Angela, out loud this time.  Taking one final look at the devastation surrounding her, Angela placed the gun back in her jacket pocket, and coolly walked away...

*      *      *

[Reply #69 on:]

Re: the Leela flashback one at Applied Cryogenics-
Great stuff. Hey I had always wondered if Leela ever looked in at Fry's cryo-tube during the time she worked there and wondered why he looked so mortified and why he was holding a can of beer.

[Reply #70 on:]

OK, I'm really hoping that was some sort of dream...

[Reply #71 on:]

My bets are on the freaky dream. I wasn't really liking the whole meaness coming from the PE crew. Especially Leela's snottiness. Sorry but this chapter bugged me. I'm sure once you release the next part, I'll understand it better.

[Reply #72 on:]

Ahh, so you've finally finished the story, hey Freddy? Love it. You went out in classic Xanfor style. Everybody dies. I couldn't be prouder. Couldn't be prouder...

[Reply #73 on:]

@Spacedal - I'm just relieved you're willing to read the next part.  I knew this last installment was controversial, and most likely wasn't going to go down too well, but it's important in terms of the story as a whole.

@Arkan - Like Doug said earlier, wait and see.

@coldangel - I've often wondered that as well.  Glad you liked it.  And there may well be another Leela flashback in the offing in some future installment.   

@Xanfor - Finished?  Oh how little you know me.  I've barely begun! 

[Reply #74 on:]

Of course we're willing, we want to know if it was real or not. You made me freak. But then again, 'The Sting' did as well and it turned out to be my fave. So I'm leaving my mind open to this story for it to go anywhere. Can't wait for the next bit.

[Reply #75 on:]

O.K.  I promised a reaction to Fred.

This chapter has to either be a dream sequence or some sort of brain-programming being done to Angie.  It does go into showing her weakness (which we saw in an earlier chapter):  Like Leela, she is 'deformed' and has taken a lot of abuse over the years for it.  Unlike Leela, she has not found a job that has friends that have become a family to her.  Angela knows once Leela is able to come back taht she'll be replaced - Leela is the one that Fry loves and is the one that has been around for years.  If this is a dream sequence, then it will foreshadow the rivary and possible hatred between the two women - both headstrong and not prone to giving in or giving up.

The last two chapters have changed the pace of the story - instead of moving forward, the previous chapter gives background on Leela and Lucy, the last chapter gives us a warning about a possible clash/battle between the Captains.

[Reply #76 on:]

It's obviously a dream sequence. It's already been established that Angie has nightmares she refuses to talk about.

[Reply #77 on:]

Re: Clash of Captains.

Can anyone say 'Kirk Versus Picard'??

[Reply #78 on:]

I was always more partial to Kirk vs. Sisko.

Captain Baldy never impressed me.

Sisko was an ass-kicking machine.

Janway was psychotic - even worse when she had PMS.

Leela vs. Angela.  One-eye vs. Scarface.

Taking all bets!  One-eye in round 3 by KO!

[Reply #79 on:]

 

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
Leela vs. Angela.  One-eye vs. Scarface.

Taking all bets!  One-eye in round 3 by KO!

What? No video-poker? 

I was always more partial to Kirk vs. Sisko.

My father (God rest his soul) was a sailor from nose to toes; I swear the man had salt-water in his veins.
He was never even remotely interested in things, "Star Trek."
Once, he had occasion to be in the room while ST:TNG was on. I noticed he had watched several minutes of it, and asked aksed him what he thought of the show.
He said that, "This 'Picard' is a milquetoast... But this fellow 'Ryker', [pause] He shows some promise..."
Which gives rise to the question, "What about Kirk versus Ryker?"