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: Part of my Story  (Read 725 times)
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Urban Legend
« : 09-30-2005 14:28 »
« : 09-30-2005 14:28 »

What do you guys think of part of my story.It's just a little bit but I don't want to finish it without an opinion.

Theme Song(Jump to planet express living room)
Professor walks in the room.
Professer:Good news everyone,you all have a job to do for me.
Fry:Where are we going today?
Leela:Omicron Persi 8?
Bender:Some uninhabited Planet?
Professor:No,I built a time machine and you three have to go back to Fry's past,1999 New Years Eve.According to my calculations Fry shouldn't be in the future.
Fry:You mean I should still be in the past?
Bender:Good thing you did get frozen or else I wouldn't have a best friend and I'd be dead.
Leela:You'd be dead?
Bender:Yes,Fry saved me in the suicide booth.
Fry:That was a suicide booth?I thought it was a phone booth.
Bender:No,It was a suicide booth.
Professor:Your wasting time get in the time machine!

I want your honest opinions on this.   :)

« #1 : 10-01-2005 04:31 »
« : 10-01-2005 22:00 »

It's alright. It's just, Fry didn't saveBender, he just stopped him dying. Bender wanted to die.

It's okay, but not even worthy enough to be classed as a begining yet.

I hope you carry on with this. Do it. Do it now.

Urban Legend
« #2 : 10-01-2005 08:23 »

Thanks for being honest.I will continue with it just as soon as I can think of what should happen next.

Starship Captain
« #3 : 10-02-2005 09:40 »

To quote DrThunder88 (hope you don't mind  :D)

Are you under 15?
Is English your primary language?

Generally speaking I think it's no bad idea to do some work on your fanfic (like read through it several times etc.) before you post it here.

Urban Legend
« #4 : 10-02-2005 10:25 »

#1:I'm 13
And thank you,for being honest.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
« #5 : 10-02-2005 10:42 »

Pretty good, though as everyone' said, room for improvement. You have to elaborate and use big words nobody understands  :laff: Just kidding. Big words aren't always absolutely necessary.

Urban Legend
« #6 : 10-02-2005 11:03 »

This is just like a little part of my story,I'm trying to think what should happen next,as I said before I have a little idea what to put next,but if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
« #7 : 10-02-2005 11:14 »
« : 10-02-2005 11:14 »

hmm.. maybe something goes wrong in the machine and one of the cast members is temporarily lost in another dimension?

Edit: Just so you know B-F, I've posted some more arts on my art thread. Offtopic I know *hits self*

DOOP Secretary
« #8 : 10-04-2005 00:29 »
« : 10-04-2005 00:29 »

I'm glad PumaGirl asked my questions so I don't seem like some sort of weirdo.

B_F, to be honest, I'd write a little more before posting next time.  What you have is about 30 seconds of dialog.  It's very hard to get a grasp of your style and the story itself from this short segment.  From your last post it is hard to tell exactly how far ahead you've planned your story.  If it were me (and it's important to remember that it's nobody but you) I'd start with a basic, one- or two-sentence idea for a story and work on "fleshing it out," so to speak.  Say, for example, you chose to go with what Zoidy said.  Your basic sentence would be: When professor Farnsworth sends the crew on a mission through time, his device malfunctions, trapping Fry in Dimension X.  The next step would be to create an outline of major plot points of the story.  This is the skeleton of the story and is generally very important.  I'd use a word processor for this so you can copy and paste in case something is out of sequence or needs to be altered down the road.  Finally, you'd fill in the dialog.  This tends to be a tripping point for many fanfictionists, because good dialog is based on good characterization.  That is to say, what a character says and does in a fanfic should be what the character would say or do in the series (what you'll see referred to as "canon" ).  And of course, I'd proofread everything before posting it anywhere.  At the end of the day, however, don't take any advice on fanfiction from me without first consulting the people who are much, much better than me (i.e. Layla, JBERGES, Venus, etc.)

Like I said, it's hard to tell how well you've gotten into the characters because of the limited length of the story at this point.  Characterization, having the characters behave the way they should, is key to good writing.
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