My first fanfic

[on:]

My first fanfic:
New Years Day

Robot Arms Apartments. Fry is slumped sadly on his bed/eating area, looking down at the cockroach- infested floor. Bender's door opens and he pops out wearing a party hat and holding a bunch of balloons.
Bender (singing): We wish you a merry Xmas, we wish you a merry Xmas, we wish you a merry Xmas…
Fry: It's New Years Eve, Bender.
Bender: Hey, I was just getting to that, Sausage-link!
Bender (resuming singing): …And a happy New Year!
Fry: What's so happy about it?
Bender: Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Fry: No.
Bender: Ugh, The All My Circuits season premiere is today!
Fry: They waited 'till December?
Bender: Jerks, aren't they?
Bender opens his chest compartment and pulls out a pin; he then pops all the balloons in his hand, puts the pin back and throws away his party hat.
Bender: Well, time for work. Let's roll Sausage link!
Fry: Stop calling me that!
Bender: Ooh, touchy. So are you coming to work or not?
Fry rolls over and pulls the bed covers over himself.
Fry: Leave me alone!
Bender: Somebody's got an attitude problem.
Bender then walks out of the room and heads for Planet Express.
    Hermes, Amy, Leela and the Professor are sitting at the conference table at the PE building, then Dr.Zoidberg scuttles towards them and sits down.
Zoidberg: Sorry I'm late friends, my fish tank was leaking.
Amy: You have fish?
Zoidberg: Not any more. (Licks his lips)
Bender walks in to the room in high spirits holding a metal lunchbox and wearing a hard hat.
Bender (singing again): Ooh, eeh, ooh, aah, aah, ting, tang, wolla, Bing bang!
Hermes: Bender, you are 43 seconds late, and because of you, we are 43 seconds late! Wait a second, where in Kathmandu is Fry?
Bender: I think he took the day off.
Hermes: Wot? Fry knows well that Planet Express works weekends and holidays!
Amy: It's not like Fry to Miss work on donut delivery day.
Farnsworth (just waking up): Wha? Oh, yes. It certainly is a mystery.
Scruffy enters the room.
Scruffy: Scruffy knows what's wrong…
            To Be Continued…

 


------------------

<small>I woke this mornin'with a cow tied 'round my head,
tried to get breakfast but the spoons were in the shed.</small>

[Reply #1 on:]

Just a small point Kennedy, I already done a fic called 'Precious Memories', Its on TLZ, LIC, FSAC and CGEF, other than that the fic seems OK so far.

If Futurama wasnt already copyrighted to Fox, I'd have to gut you 

[Reply #2 on:]

ugh,i'll change the title.

[Reply #3 on:]

Ok Thats cool, BTW have you read mine?

[Reply #4 on:]

No,but i'm assuming its a leela fry one right?

[Reply #5 on:]

New Years Day (p2)
Everyone: whose Scruffy?
Scruffy: Marmalade. Ms. Leela, when was it that you first met Mr. Fry?
Leela: New Years Eve, two years&#8230;Ah.
Hermes: So what's the problem then?
Farnsworth: Well, it obviously has something to do with New Years Eve&#8230;
Amy: Well, somebody has to go talk to him.
Farnsworth: Oh, my no! That could be risky! I certainly wouldn't let any of my friends perform such a task!
   
     "Knock, knock! Zoidberg is here!" came the sound from behind the door of Fry's apartment.
Fry: Get lost!
Many hours past and to Fry's surprise, no Zoidberg. He looked at his watch and sighed. "six o' clock". Fry got up and looked out the window.
Fry: Oh&#8230;my&#8230;God!
Outside the window Dr.Zoidberg had been bouncing up and down on a trampoline trying to get Fry's attention.
Zoidberg: Fry&#8230;there&#8230;you&#8230;are. I&#8230;need&#8230;to&#8230;talk&#8230;to&#8230;you. Uh-oh&#8230;those&#8230;kids&#8230;are&#8230;stealing&#8230;my&#8230;trampoleeeeeeeene!!
SPLAT!!
Fry looked out the window.
Zoidberg: Phew! Lucky this nice old lady broke my fall.
Fry gathered up a few things and sped out of the building through the back door.

      The Planet Express conference room. Dr.Zoidberg walks in looking unusualy happy.
Leela: Well, did you find out what's wrong?
Zoidberg: I'm afraid not, friends, but I got lunch from this nice old lady who was sleeping on a pile of red syrup, her hat!
Hermes: We'll have to send someone else&#8230;
To be continued&#8230;

[Reply #6 on:]

Keep it comin'!

[Reply #7 on:]

Yes, please do.  I'd like to see how this plays out.

Or check out my fanfic: Curse of the One-Eyed Jacks.

[Reply #8 on:]

New Years Day (p3)
Hells Kitchen. Fry is hiding in a Dumpster with a bunch of broken robots.
Broken Robot: Who are you Mac?
Fry: F-F-Fry.
Broken Robot: Okay, Fry. I'm Jerry, by the way.
He extends his arm out to shake Fry's hand but it falls off.
Broken Robot: Looks like this robots used up all his RAM
Fry: No way! You look fine.
Jerry's head falls off into Fry's lap.
Jerry: You're a pretty crappy liar, kid. Oh well, shutting dooooooowwwnn.
Fry: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
The robot Mafia are discussing business with a "client" when they hear Fry's scream.
Donbot: What is that noise which I am hearing?
Clamps: I'll take care of this, boss, with the clamps!
Clamps steps towards the Dumpster, and if it wasn't for his constant clacking of his clamps Fry wouldn't have noticed.
Fry: Oh no, what do I do, what do I do?
He then opened Jerry's compartment and took out some week old bread; he then stood up and hurled it at clamps. It landed in clamp's clamps, and as he tried to crush it his clamps broke.
Clamps: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! This guys packin' some serious ammo!
He then ran off screaming.
Fry: I'd better get out of here!
He ran around the corner so fast that he only noticed whom he bumped into when he hit the ground.
Fry: Amy!
Amy: Fry!
To be continued&#8230;

[Reply #9 on:]

New Years Day (p4)
Amy: Fry! There you are! I've been running around all over New New York looking for you!
Fry: Wait! I can explain! Amy, I love you. I've always loved you.
Amy: Really?
Fry: Yes! Y'see what's in my hand?
Amy looks down at Fry's hand, which is rolled into a fist.
Amy: What?
Fry: This!
Fry hits her in the face and runs off.
Fry: Ha! Works every time!
Hermes then pops out from behind a corner and runs straight into Fry.
Fry: This is turning into a habit.
Hermes: That&#8217;s it Fry! You've held up Planet Express for long enough now&#8230;
Fry: Hermes! Look! That magazine rack isn't in alphabetical order!
Hermes: Sweet geese of niece!
Fry runs off.

     Applied Cryogenics. The place where Fry first met Leela.
Fry: Why am I here? I'm so confused.
He ran inside.
Fry: The hallways are empty, there's no one here.
That&#8217;s when he realised that his journey had taken him so far that it was 2.00am, New Years Day&#8230;
To be continued&#8230;

[Reply #10 on:]

Woah woah woah, hold the phone.  Why was Fry in a dumpster in Hell's Kitchen?  Why did Fry punch Amy and confuse Hermes?  It's hard to understand motives in a script unless they're written into the dialog or the character soliloquizes.

Anyway, I'll hold off until the end.

Write on.

[Reply #11 on:]

Yeah, keep going!

And I don't envy Fry the headache he'll have when Amy wakes up.

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:
Woah woah woah, hold the phone.  Why was Fry in a dumpster in Hell's Kitchen?  Why did Fry punch Amy and confuse Hermes?  It's hard to understand motives in a script unless they're written into the dialog or the character soliloquizes.

Anyway, I'll hold off until the end.

Write on.

All will be explained,soon enough...

[Reply #13 on:]

New Years Day (p5)
Fry pulled up a chair at a table next to all the cryogenic chambers.
He stared at them for hours, then in the glass he saw a familiar reflection,
Leela!
Fry quickly turned around to face her.
Leela: Fry? What's wrong?
Fry stared at her for what seemed like forever, abruptly, his silence broke.
Fry: You wouldn't understand, you never do.
That&#8217;s when Leela noticed the gun in Fry's hand, he raised it.
Fry: You always been a pain in the AAAAAHHH!!!
Leela gazed down, amazed, at what had happened. Both Fry and Bender lay on the ground. Bender got up and brushed some dust off himself.
Leela: What happened? Is Fry dead?
Bender: Nah, he's fine. I was observing from the skylight when I fell in and landed on Fry.
Leela: But this building has NO skylight!
Bender: Never say no to a Bending Unit, We make our own skylights.
Leela: Why is Fry acting so strange?
Bender: It's just a hunch, but it might have something do to with this.
He held up a tiny microchip.
Leela(grabbing it off Bender): That&#8217;s amazing, where did you get it?
Bender(grabbing it back): I found it on Fry after I crushed his ribs.
Leela: We'll have alert the Professor immediately!
Bender: Okay, I'll take the chip, you take Fry.
To be continued&#8230;

[Reply #14 on:]

Good stuff KENNEDY.

[Reply #15 on:]

You are really confusing me, KENNEDY.  "To be continued..." should be used for a cliffhanger ending.  All you are doing is leaving us with no information and making us wonder why things happen.  I must admit, it's a good tactic to keep people coming back for more (more so than my loser fanfic), but it's like watching a bad "Law and Order" episode two minutes at a time.

Three questions that remained unanswered due to their instantaneous appearance in the script: What gun?  What ring?  What chip?  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your minimalistic imagery and poor explanations are all part of a wierd reverse-revelation plot.

[Reply #16 on:]

Gun,you say?
 

Originally posted by Me:
Fry gathered up a few things and sped out of the building through the back door.

Chip, you say?
 

Originally posted by Also Me:
Leela(grabbing it off Bender): That&#8217;s amazing, where did you get it?
Bender(grabbing it back): I found it on Fry after I crushed his ribs.

Ring,you say?
 

Originally posted by Guess:
That was a mistake,there is no ring,there never was.Just be thankfull I didn't say Hermes was a Hobbit!

[Reply #17 on:]

Pretty good, Kennedy. There's definetly some skill going on in there.

[Reply #18 on:]

I agree with DrThunder88. Drop us something to go on, other than that its pretty good keep it up

[Reply #19 on:]

Hey I like it 

[Reply #20 on:]

 

Originally posted by KENNEDY:
Gun,you say?
 

Yes.
 

Chip, you say?

Yes.
 

Ring,you say?

Yes, yes I do.

Where's our story?  I'm dying to get some closure on this.

[Reply #21 on:]

Fine,I'll write it now.

[Reply #22 on:]

New Years Day (Pt 6)
Planet Express. The Professor is examining the microchip Bender found in Fry.
Leela: Well? What is it?
Farnsworth: This chip was inserted in Fry at Applied Cryogenics, by Momcorp!
Leela: But I used to work there!
Farnsworth: This thing was inserted into Fry on the probulator!
Bender: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down there! Where the hell are you getting' all this info?
Farnsworth: Oh, I designed it!
Leela: What purpose does this serve?
Farnsworth: Which purpose does what serve?
Leela(sighing): We'll have to go see MOM.
Momcorp. Bender and Leela carry Fry into MOM's office.
Igner: Mommy, the one-eyed girl and the shiny man are here to see you about the orange pointy-head.
MOM: Wha?
She sees Fry, Bender and Leela.
MOM: How the sweaty hell did you  get past security?
Bender pulls a baseball bat from his compartment and smiles gleefully.
To Be Continued&#8230;

[Reply #23 on:]

Thats more like it.

[Reply #24 on:]

I like it. Keep it coming, KENNEDY.

[Reply #25 on:]

 

Originally posted by KENNEDY:
Fine,I'll write it now.

You're making this up as you go along?

[Reply #26 on:]

Isn't that the idea of fanfics?

[Reply #27 on:]

Well, yes, technically.  What I meant was: you're presenting this story as you write it?

[Reply #28 on:]

The plot is in my head before I write it.Jeez.

[Reply #29 on:]

So..um..KENNEDY, any more of that story?

I'm dying to know how this ends.

[Reply #30 on:]

Nice stuff, Kennedy. Keep it coming.

[Reply #31 on:]

OK,who voted oh,god,my eyes?

[Reply #32 on:]

Not I.  I'm waiting until the story ends to vote.  So that means...February?

[Reply #33 on:]

Sorry,blame the crhistmas tests.

[Reply #34 on:]

New Years Day (Concluding chapter)
Momcorp.
Mom: What is it you morons want?
Leela: To know what this is and how to stop it! (holds up the microchip)
Mom: That, is a chip my company created to control humans as well as robots using a similar remote. We decided to try it out on newly unfrozen people. However, the device was a failure.
Bender: But then why's Fry actin' like this?
Fry (waking up): Aw, Bender, I didn't know you were programmed  to care.
Mom: The expiry date must have been yesterday.   
Leela: Is there any way to stop this?
Mom: Why, with one simple microchip this could have been avoided, but an officer 1BDI took both him and herself off the file.(Holds up a microchip)
Leela smiles nervously.
Mom push's a button and two large security lazers block the gap between Mom and the PE crew.
Fry: It's too high to jump&#8230;
Bender: &#8230; And too low to go under!
Suddenly a masked Jamacian man appears!
MJM: For you maybe!
The MJM limbo's under the beams. He then takes out a paper-weight  and throws it at Mom's hand. The microchip flies out of her hands and out the window.
MJM: For it is I! Hermes!
Bender: Shove a weasel in it Hermes! Where'd the chip go?
Fry: Down there!
He looks out the window. Down below is the hotdog guy from The problem with Popplers.
Hermes: My Jah!! It's in the hotdog!
Fry: And look! Amy's being served!
Hermes: Fry, Leela, You two take da elavator! Bender, use da stairs! And I'll limbo my way to da ground floor.
Later Amy is walking down the street, she passes Fry, Leela and Hermes.
Fry: There she goes!
Hermes(still in limbo position.): I'll 'ave ta take yer werd fer it,mon.
Leela: O.K. We exercise perfect stealth, got that?
Bender runs by roaring fiercely. He then jumps on top of Amy who spits out the microchip.
Bender: You were saying?
Leela sighs.
Planet Express. The PE conference room.
Prof. Farnsworth: There, now Fry you'll need to insert one of these microchips into your neck every day for a month!
Leela: What?? But that's the only existing chip!
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh my no! I used to work for Momcorp, I've got a whole box of them in my cupboard!
Fry starts choking him.
Fry: Why you little!!
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, my no!!
THE END.

[Reply #35 on:]

Uh...okay.  I'm sorry, man, but I really can't give this a thumbs-up in any sense of the phrase.  It's just too wierd.  Obviously you had other stuff distracting you, but it's still extremely choppy and nonsensical.