the great simpsons quote thread..

[Reply #320 on:]

Homer: Oh Marge if theres an accident at the plant we just blame it on that foreign guy. Ah Uli how many times have you saved my white ass?

Correction:

Homer: Now, Marge, just remember.  If something goes wrong at the plant,
blame the guy who can't speak English.  Ah, Tibor, how many times have
you saved my butt?


Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Mr.Burns: You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanize my tires, post haste!

[Reply #321 on:]

Scorpio: "If you need anything, you call me."
Homer: "All right. What's the number?"
Scorpio: "I've never had to call my own company. Someone will tell you upstairs. But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help a lot"

[Reply #322 on:]

"Oh my god, the 51st street bridge"
"Maybe it just collapsed on its own"
"We can't take that chance"
"You always say that, I want to take a chance"

[Reply #323 on:]

Scully “Homer this is a simple lie-detector test, simply answer yes or no to the qeustions I ask you. Do you understand?”
Homer: “Yes”
(Lie-detector explodes)

I laugh from just reading it..

and..

King Size Homer:  (screen) "To start press any key… Where’s the “any” key? I see Esc, Catarl, and Pig Up. There doesn’t seem to be any “any” key. Wo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a Tab." (presses TAB key).

[Reply #324 on:]

Two Of my Favs.

Carl: Hey, I hear we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.
- - - - -
Announcer: Truckasaures. The Movie. Voiced by Marlon Brando.
Marlon Brando as Truckasaures: Stupid Car. I don't know weather to eat you, or kiss you.

[Reply #325 on:]

Homer: The evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Witgenstein over a game of Backgammon
Scully: Mr Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI
Homer: We were in Barney's car eating packets of mustard, you happy?

Bart: I wash myself with a rag on a stick

[Reply #326 on:]

Homer: Crazy risks are what akes life worth living!

Now that is an important life lesson

[Reply #327 on:]

"Stealing, how could you, didn't you listen to all those sermons from that guy at church, Captain What's his Name. We live in a society of law, why do you think I took you to all those Police academy movies, for fun? I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you, except at that guy who did the sound effects, zoom, honk honk, kapow, now where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze"

[Reply #328 on:]

Steven Wright : I finally got around to the dictionary. It seems the zebra did it. [Audience laughs].
Homer : I don't get it.
Lisa : Dad, zebra did not do it. It's just the last word in the dictionary.
Homer : I still don't get it .
Lisa : It's a joke.
Homer : A joke! he he he ... I get jokes ... he he he.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

[Reply #329 on:]

Hahaha, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down"! What a stupid genius that man is.

[Reply #330 on:]

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman"

[Reply #331 on:]

Willy: "Then one day the mine collapsed. No one got out alive. Not even Willy!"

[Reply #332 on:]

"That's it, being abusive to your fmily is one thing, but I will not sit idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog"

"You gave both dogs away, you know how I feel about giving"

[Reply #333 on:]

Greatest...line...ever.

Homer: "Colonel Klink! Why have you forsaken me!?"

[Reply #334 on:]

Red = meltdown

[Reply #335 on:]

"You gave both dogs away, you know how I feel about giving"

Homer: "Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back. Unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog."

(Bart leaves to find dog)

Homer: "Rats! I almost had him eating dog food."

[Reply #336 on:]

haha. God, I miss this show.

[Reply #337 on:]

"Curse the man who invented Helium, curse Pierre Jules Caesar Jansen"

[Reply #338 on:]

Burns: "Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut!  There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?"
Smithers: "Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder."
Burns: "Damn their oily hides!"

[Reply #339 on:]

"It was awful Smithers, his breath reeked of beer and pretzled bread"

[Reply #340 on:]

Mr.Burns: "One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!"

Smithers: "Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment."

Mr.Burns: "And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!"

Smithers: "Yes, sir."

Mr.Burns: "Then its all falling into place!"