Then He Said...

[on:]

What are your most memorable lines from either TV or Film?

Here's one of mine:

Jack: I'm gonna need a hacksaw.
   24


EDIT: Seeing as this is a Futurama forum, please keep the Futurama ones to this thread.
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The Unofficial PEEL Webby McHelpHelp       and       The Official best young PEELer!

[Reply #1 on:]

Mike: Timmy, fetch me my tools...
   Spaced S2:Mettle

[Reply #2 on:]

Dupey: Prehaps a perpetually clean fuel source?
Pointy Haired Boss: No need! I use gasoline, have you heard of it?

Dilbert

[Reply #3 on:]

From Lock Stock and two smokin' barrels
*Willy walks though cage protected door with a stoned girl and a bag of fertiliser, door is opened by Charles without using cage*
Winston : Charles why have we got that cage?
Charles : Uh... Security
Winston : Thats right, Thats right, security.... So whats the point in having it if were not going to fucking use it?
Charles : Well i would've used it Winston, but this is Willy, and Willy lives here
Winston : Yes Charles, but you didn't know it was Willy until you opened the door did you?
Willy : Chill Winston, its me... Charles knows its me, whats the problem?
Winston : The problem, Is willy, that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times, so just do as i say AND KEEP THE FUCKING CAGE LOCKED!
What is that?
Willy : That's Gloria (The wasted girl)
Winston : Yes i know that's Gloria, What's that?
Willy : Fertiliser...
Winston : You went out 6 hours ago to buy a money counter, and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertiliser... Alarm bells are ringing Willy!
Willy : We need fertilisr Winston
Winston : Uh-huh, We also need a money counter, this moneys godda be out by Thursday and im buggered if im gunna count it.
Oh and um, if you do have to buy sodding fertiliser, could you just be a little more subtle?
Willy : What do you mean?
*Winston switches to a more calm tone to try to get Willy to understand*
Winston : We Grow copius amounts of Ganja, Yeah?...
Willy : Yeah...
Winston : ...And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertiliser, you dont look like you average Horti-fucking-culturalist, Thats what i mean Willy.

That whole scene is a pisser, along with when they get robbed, the "Shit, ive been shot! bit is one of the funniest things in the whole film i reckon

[Reply #4 on:]

I was thinking more of one-liners, not whole scripts.

[Reply #5 on:]

Here's mine

Officer: G'morning sergent majors.
Plumley: How do know what kind of God damned day it is.

-Next day-
Officer: Butiful morning sergent majors.
Plumley: What are you the f*ckin weather man now.

We Were Soldiers

[Reply #6 on:]

Shut your F*cking face uncle f*cker!
-South Park The Movie

[Reply #7 on:]

A classic...

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"
- Dr. Strangelove or; How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

[Reply #8 on:]

 

Originally posted by Stuart B:
Mike: Timmy, fetch me my tools...

Damn you!  I wanted that one.

I'll go with:

Chris Morris: You're wrong!  And you're a grotesquely ugly freak!

From: BRASS EYE: Animals

[Reply #9 on:]

Colonel Morris Jessup: "You can't handle the truth!!"

[Reply #10 on:]

I may not be a kid but I love Cartoon Network.
Classic Lines from Ed, Edd, and Eddy:

(Ed's pretending to be a horse)
Ed: I'm a horse!
Eddy: You're a horse's-(gets cut off)

Eddy: I just flew in from Peach Creek and-
Sarah: Boy, are you stupid!

[Reply #11 on:]

From Ghostbusters:
Ray: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Venkman: You're right, no human being would stack books like this.

From Dog Soliders:
Wells(wounded): Oh Jesus, my guts are out!
Cooper: Well, we'll just put them back in again!
Wells: ARRGH! They're not gonna fucking fit!
Cooper: Of course they'll fit, man!

[Reply #12 on:]

Homer: What did you learn in Sunday school, boy?

Bart: Hell

Homer: Bart!!!

Bart: What? I sure as HELL can't tell you I learned about HELL unless I say HELL can I?

Marge: Bart, you're no longer in church. Don't swear.

The Simpsons

[Reply #13 on:]

brittney murphy: 'We are gonna sit in giant teacups and spin round and round till we throw up!'
(9 year old)Dakota Fanning: 'Are you on crack?'

Uptown Girls

[Reply #14 on:]

Bernd: If you'll excuse me, I gotta go home and memorize the pattern of my wall paper.
-- Bernd the bread, (a german TV series)

[Reply #15 on:]

Captain Kirk: Yes! Let's get the hell out of here.
Last line from--ST:TOS: City on the Edge of Forever.

[Reply #16 on:]

Michael: PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?

- "Office Space" (1999 Movie)

Edit: (Oh, by the way, the character Michael Bolton up there is played by Dave Herman, supremo Futurama voice actor of such luminaries as Slurms McKenzie, Mayor Poopenmeyer and Roberto!)

[Reply #17 on:]

Rushmore (movie 1998):
Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?
Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie.
Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

even better on television when the dub in "backrub" instead of handjob

[Reply #18 on:]

Jules: I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

Samuel L Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction getting back to interrogating his subject after shooting a sleeping man on a couch.

[Reply #19 on:]

TV Show: Big Wolf on Campus
What's the Discussion About: A special full moon will allow Tommy (the werewolf) to pass his werewolf curse to whomever he bites when the moon rises.

Tommy: I know who I'm going to give it to...Lenny Womeck. I hate that guy!
Merton: Yeah, I hate him too, but he's already something of a pyromaniac. You don't wanna spawn a werewolf arsonist.

[Reply #20 on:]

Terminator: "I'll be back!"

- The Terminator

[Reply #21 on:]

"We have clearance, Clarence"
"Roger, Roger"
"What's the vector, Victor?"

Airplane

[Reply #22 on:]

Airplane? Surely you're not serious?

-I am, and don't called me Shirley.
 

Edmund: Right! Well, perhaps this time I might be allowed to continue, and perhaps finish,
with any luck...
Extremist Puritan Aunt:`Luck'? Hah hah hah! Way-hey! Get it?
Everyone: No???
Aunt: Oh, come on! `Luck'! Sounds almost exactly like `f--
---cut to end credits---

-Blackadder II

[Reply #23 on:]

Darth Vader: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

- Episode IV: A New Hope
Best Vader scene ever.

[Reply #24 on:]

Brave Heart, Tegan

--Fifth Doctor, almost every episode. 

[Reply #25 on:]

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
~ Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1985)

[Reply #26 on:]

Marty: "So, what do you think about the missle crises?"
Highway Patrol: "I want to know why you two were staring off into space all night."
Marty: "Say, have you ever played football?"
Highway Patrol: "...Sure."
Marty: "Yep. Send out your receiver, and the defense after him. When the hole opens up, you just go right through."
Highway Patrol: "Are you suggesting the russians are going to attack from behind?"
Marty: "No, I was just asking if you ever played football"
Highway Patrol: "That still doesn't explain why you were staring out the windshield."
Marty: "Nope, I guess it doesn't  "

- Taken, Sci-fi mini series, directed by Steven Spielberg, part III

[Reply #27 on:]

"Yip-i-ki-yay motherfucker."

Bruce Willis, Die Hard.

Hartman: "Do you suck dick private?"

Private(Snowball wasn't it?): "Sir, no sir"

Hartman: "Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose."

Full Metal Jacket

[Reply #28 on:]

"Remember when we went to therapy to try to listen to grampa more?"
"Do I! 4 years and I still think I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken Marge!"
"I know!"

-The Simpsons

[Reply #29 on:]

"..This man is as sane as I am... BAAAAAAA!"
-From "Blackadder"

Blackadder: "I believe the phrase rhymes with "Clucking Bell.""
-Also from "Blackadder"

Mom: "Don't be a fool you idiot!"
Fry: "I'll be what ever I want to do!"
-From "Futurama"

Farnsworth: "And Fry has that brain thing"
Fry: "I already did!"
-Also from "Futurama"

[Reply #30 on:]

"Yes you did, you invaded Poland!"

Fawlty Towers: The Germans

[Reply #31 on:]

Can't remember exactly, but:

*car rocking, assorted sounds from death and a girl*

*car stops rocking*

Death: Oh not again! Man I'm gonna be a virgin forever... or am I...

*car starts rocking again*

- Family Guy

[Reply #32 on:]

Stan:You're my super best friend, Kyle!

Kyle: You're my super best friend, Stan!

Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys. You two want to get a room so you can make out for a while?

-South Park

[Reply #33 on:]

Blackadder: "One of history's great mysteries solved. The dinosaurs were infact wiped out by your [Baldrick's] pants."

Blackadder: "This is a turn up for the books. You [Baldrick] have built a working time machine and are therefore, the greatest genius that ever lived."

  Blackadder Back And Forth

EDIT: Sorry, wrong one, it's just i was downloading both.

[Reply #34 on:]

Too many good ones to list, but a few come to mind off the top of my head:

"Remember men, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did!"
Groucho Marx in Duck Soup

"On with the opera, let joy be unconfined.  Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."
Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera

As a worker bee in corporate America, I'm rather fond of this management gem (sounds like my boss):

"You are all condemned men.  We keep you alive to serve this ship, so row well and live.  Strike oars."  Quintus Arius in Ben Hur.

[Reply #35 on:]

 

Originally posted by aslate:
Blackadder: "One of history's great mysteries solved. The dinosaurs were infact wiped out by your [Baldrick's] pants."

Blackadder: "This is a turn up for the books. You [Baldrick] have built a working time machine and are therefore, the greatest genius that ever lived."

  Blackadder Goes Forth

Blackadder Back And Forth... but whatever.

[Reply #36 on:]

Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight, you could shove a lump of coal up his ass and in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
-Ferris

Ferris Beuller's Day Off

[Reply #37 on:]

"I'll Drive!" - T3

[Reply #38 on:]

When Peter first says we were our own country, I was a bit skeptical, but then I thought, hey! I could be like Hilary Clinton! Ha ha! Except, you know, without the penis.
-Lois

Family Guy

[Reply #39 on:]

John Bender: "Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?"
Brian Johnson: "Uh, no. Mr. Johnson"
John Bender: "Ah..."
 ~ John Bender (Judd Nelson) and Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall), The Breakfast Club (1985)

Brian Johnson: "You wear tights?"
Andrew Clark: "No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform"
Brian Johnson: "Tights"
Andrew Clark: "Shut up!"
 ~ Brian Johnson and Andrew Clark (Emilio Estevez), The Breakfast Club (1985)

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"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit"
 ~ Dr. Emmett Brown (Christopher Lloyd), Back To The Future (1985)