Star Wars: The Thread Strikes Back

[Reply #120 on:]

What's funny is the last panel isn't a picture of his torso.

[spiler]It's his penis[/spoiler]

[Reply #121 on:]

what's a spiler?

[Reply #122 on:]

An ineffective spoiler.

[Reply #123 on:]

[spiler][/spoiler]

It's true!

[Reply #124 on:]

For your information:

What's funny is the last panel isn't a picture of his torso.

[spoiler]It's his penis[/spoiler]

spoiler is the ineffective spoiler, whereas

Spiler warning! Click to show/hide!

It's true!

spiler is the one that works.

[Reply #125 on:]

Huzzah!

[Reply #126 on:]

Ohhh riiightttt

now that they were cancelled lets show how good we WERE GOING TO BE... suuureee

The series lost its bearing in the last seasons trying to be dark , apealing with cold violence to atract adults and still trying to apeal to kids with stupid comedy.. you rarelly cant do all that at once and Clone Wars wasnt an exception..

I really hope rebels dont follow that patch.. tought the very few seconds i saw didnt fixed it much for me.. (a mandalorean chick who is cool? and fashion? and a rascal? .. really? whats next? an Ithorian teenager? a strew Ewok?)

meanwhile production art:

[Reply #127 on:]

So, I've been endeavoring to finally get around to watching the prequels.  I think I made it to Jake Lloyd's fourth or fifth line before I had to shut it off and walk away.  Also, my time on the exercise machine was done.

I'll start again tomorrow.

[Reply #128 on:]

Now you know what i went throught when i went to see Phamton menace in 3D...  i swear i was ambarrashed... and i renember a father with his young kid (maybe 13 or 14 year old) who when the movie finished the boy asked his dad "so , was it like you renember back then"  father: "weeellll not so "  it was amusing..  then i got depressed seeing that some seem to consider phantom menace vintage allready being 15 year old..  when phantom menace was released it was "just" 16 years after return of the jedi


anyway back to bashing ep 1:

[Reply #129 on:]

DrT, watch them in the Machete Order
Having not done this myself I wonder if the guys order is any good.

[Reply #130 on:]

I had actually tought of that when thinking about how would i show StarWars to sons/nephews/whatever..  release order probably makes more sense but is a bit weird to finish a trilogy (with closed ending) and begin a new one with open ending..

episode order is what is "intended" to be, but it ruins the surprise of who is Darth Vader as well as many continuity issues..

This would allow to begin with the classic trilogy, have the full surprise of who is Vader and then as the guy says "we have a 3 movie flashback explaining to the audience how that happent"...and when done we go back to the final chapter in the saga

[Reply #131 on:]

DrT, watch them in the Machete Order
Having not done this myself I wonder if the guys order is any good.

Eh, isn't the best order to watch the original trilogy and then stop?

[Reply #132 on:]

It's either the Classic Trilogy alone, or Episodes 3, 4, 5, 6.

When being asked about episodes 1,2, the Ewok Movies or Jar Jar Binks, answer what you would say when being inquired about Matrix movies after the first one: Claim those things do not exist.

[Reply #133 on:]

DrT, watch them in the Machete Order
Having not done this myself I wonder if the guys order is any good.

Eh, isn't the best order to watch the original trilogy and then stop?

DrT has already exposed himself, it's too late! We can only use him as an experiment!
The Machete Order does ignore Episode I though, which is correct... maybe watch the end for the lighsaber duel and fast forward through the faffing about with the droid ships.

[Reply #134 on:]

I kind of like the idea of the whole "flashback to Vader's back story after Empire" thing. If the prequels are to be included then this is the only way to do it. Whether you omit Episode One or not is by the by cause the suck is there in all of them, arguably more in Episode Poo.

Then again, making the prequels' duration less by 2 hours has to be approved.

Also, the slow start to Star Wars would be completely incongruous after watching Episode 3. The slow start makes it the natural opener and it is clearly the best introduction to the SW universe (galaxy).

[Reply #135 on:]

That blog about Machete Order does make a good case for leaving out Episode One but not the other prequels. It's mostly about the fact that nothing important to the story really happens in Episode One, and Episode Two can be watched without Episode One with almost no confusion as to what's going on, which isn't the case for watching Episode Three without seeing Two. Also, Episode One apparently has the most contradictions with the following movies story-wise. Not having to watch the shitfest that is Episode One seems to only be the cherry on top.

[Reply #136 on:]

DrT, watch them in the Machete Order
Having not done this myself I wonder if the guys order is any good.

Eh, isn't the best order to watch the original trilogy and then stop?

DrT has already exposed himself, it's too late! We can only use him as an experiment!
The Machete Order does ignore Episode I though, which is correct... maybe watch the end for the lighsaber duel and fast forward through the faffing about with the droid ships.

I am afraid I have looked beyond the Seventh Seal, or at least watched beyond the second "yippee".  I know the pod race gets slagged on a bit, but I will say it does the job as a mental anesthetic.  I was on the elliptical machine when watching that part and hardly noticed the increased intensity of the routine.  As an added bonus Jake Lloyd doesn't really speak through the entire race.

I did notice the first bit of camerawork that actually stood out to me when Jake Lloyd is saying goodbye to C-3P0 and the camera actually shifts to a POV shot from 3P0's perspective.  Who the heck thought that was a good idea?  The same guy who thought Jake Lloyd should be the one who constructed 3P0?

[Reply #137 on:]

The thing with the prequel trilogy isn't that it's terrible (although it is terrible also). It's that it's a waste of so much potential.

What if it wasn't?

I really want to see this guy's version of the prequel trilogy filmed and Lucas's version wiped from existence.

[Reply #138 on:]

That guy's version does sound promising.  Even a sort-of space pastiche of Julius Caesar would be alright.

[Reply #139 on:]

Nice opening episodes arc of the new Clone Wars series 6, after a Clone Trooper malfunctions and kills a Jedi in the midst of a battle, his friend trooper 5's investigates on Kimono and finds a malfunctioning chip was responsible, a chip designed to prevent a premature activation of Order 66...

[Reply #140 on:]

Finished the first film.  It's not as bad as I was led to believe story-wise, but I was astonished to find that I was still not prepared for the bottomlessly awful performance from Jake Lloyd.  I loosed multiple pained groans during his scenes, which is unprecedented for me.  Runner up in the "terrible to watch" category is, amazingly, Natalie Portman.  Yeah, I'd have thought Jar-Jar would be number two, but Natalie Portman just sucked out loud.  Not only was her character written terribly, but her line delivery reminded me of what an idiot would think a queen sounds like.  Maybe it is what a queen sounds like, I don't know.  Maybe it's a queen who's had a stroke.  The point is, in a great many scenes I find myself wishing there was more Jar-Jar.

There are still a number of things I don't understand.

• First, was Padme a pacifist only because she didn't have an army?  It seems like she wasn't when she did.  Her not condoning a path that will lead to war early in the film is a bit like a double amputee not pursuing a career in boxing.  If this counts as character growth (i.e. a naively idealistic "peace=good, war=bad" outlook turns to a more maturely realistic "Si vis pacem, para bellum" outlook), I expect her to firmly support military establishment in the next movie.
• Second, were Nabooians actually being killed by the Trade Federation?  I know the beardy guy said they were starving and the death toll was catastrophic, but I was sort of expecting that to be a ruse and that the beardy guy would have secretly agreed to conspire with the Trade Federation.  If the Nabooians were dying as a result of the occupation, he'd have a pretty reasonable excuse to do so as well.  He was there at the end, though, handing the glowing sphere to the Gungans, so I guess not.
• Third, what the heck was that glowing sphere?  It's possible Boss Nass mentioned what it was earlier in the film, but, honestly, I could only understand maybe half of what he said.
• What exactly was the treaty that the Federation was blathering on about supposed to do?  I get that it was to legitimize their presence but to what end?  They evidently already had a seat in the Senate, so were they just after another vote?  Do they get trade route tax-exempt status if they are a planet and not just a space guild?
• On the subject of the Trade Federation, their blockade is legal but an invasion isn't?  What the heck is that about?  Why not just keep blockading the planet until someone signs the dang treaty?  Then when the Senate eventually tells them to stop, say, "We inexplicably have an army and a space fleet.  You don't."
• Speaking of the army, who the fuck was this guy shooting at?
  
• When Gunray is taunting the beardy guy, he says the Nabooians are starving and that the beardy guy will die first.  Beardy replies with something along the lines of, "We're a democracy, and the people have spoken."  Does this mean they are pro-starvation, anti-beardy guy, or both?

[Reply #141 on:]

Finished the first film.  It's not as bad as I was led to believe story-wise, but I was astonished to find that I was still not prepared for the bottomlessly awful performance from Jake Lloyd.  I loosed multiple pained groans during his scenes, which is unprecedented for me.  Runner up in the "terrible to watch" category is, amazingly, Natalie Portman.  Yeah, I'd have thought Jar-Jar would be number two, but Natalie Portman just sucked out loud.  Not only was her character written terribly, but her line delivery reminded me of what an idiot would think a queen sounds like.  Maybe it is what a queen sounds like, I don't know.  Maybe it's a queen who's had a stroke.  The point is, in a great many scenes I find myself wishing there was more Jar-Jar.

Of all the characters in the prequels, Jar-Jar is the only character with any motivation you can actually understand.  The only reason we sort of understand Anakin Skywalker in the later films, is because we are told about it, not because we or he experiences it.

Padme really is a terrible character.

There are still a number of things I don't understand.

• First, was Padme a pacifist only because she didn't have an army?  It seems like she wasn't when she did.  Her not condoning a path that will lead to war early in the film is a bit like a double amputee not pursuing a career in boxing.  If this counts as character growth (i.e. a naively idealistic "peace=good, war=bad" outlook turns to a more maturely realistic "Si vis pacem, para bellum" outlook), I expect her to firmly support military establishment in the next movie.

If I recall correctly, she is the leading opposition to the Military Creation Act in Episode II, which would create a military for the Republic itself.  Apparently, only the members of the Republic maintain armies (if they do), but a threat of separatist planets is being orchestrated by Count Dooku in Episode II, that spikes interest in a military for the Republic itself.  Padme opposes this as - I assume - it against her pacifist views, or the principles of the Republic.

• Second, were Nabooians actually being killed by the Trade Federation?  I know the beardy guy said they were starving and the death toll was catastrophic, but I was sort of expecting that to be a ruse and that the beardy guy would have secretly agreed to conspire with the Trade Federation.  If the Nabooians were dying as a result of the occupation, he'd have a pretty reasonable excuse to do so as well.  He was there at the end, though, handing the glowing sphere to the Gungans, so I guess not.

We don't see any Naboo citizen in the film, if you'll notice (perhaps excepting the party scene at the end).  So we don't actually see the effects of the 'crisis'.  The people we do see on Naboo seems to be doing fine.  In addition, how can a people on such a lush planet not survive on their own without trade interplanetary trade?  It's not like it is a barren planet like Tatooine, where it is easy to accept a trade blockage would damage the ecosystem and peoples on it very much, whereas Naboo is filled with lush forests and Theed has a power room the size of a death star.  For no reason, apparently.

• Third, what the heck was that glowing sphere?  It's possible Boss Nass mentioned what it was earlier in the film, but, honestly, I could only understand maybe half of what he said.

It is never explained.

• What exactly was the treaty that the Federation was blathering on about supposed to do?  I get that it was to legitimize their presence but to what end?  They evidently already had a seat in the Senate, so were they just after another vote?  Do they get trade route tax-exempt status if they are a planet and not just a space guild?

As far as I can gather, the treaty is to make the invasion legal.  Which is contradictory to Darth Sidious' plans.  His goal is to create a crisis, so there will be a vote of no confidence against the Chancellor so Palpatine can be elected in his stead.  Yet Darth Sidious is doing everything he can to keep the crisis hidden, which is completely contradictory to his plans.

It seems to me, that the Trade Federation is just Darth Sidious' pawns in this plans, who - despite their huge organisation that is run with military efficiency - blindly abides his every demand.  You can argue that he has them all his Mind Trick 'spell', but eventually they would demand some reward (of which we are never told).  The Trade Federation doesn't disappear after this, they reappear in the later prequels, still going along for the ride.

• On the subject of the Trade Federation, their blockade is legal but an invasion isn't?  What the heck is that about?  Why not just keep blockading the planet until someone signs the dang treaty?  Then when the Senate eventually tells them to stop, say, "We inexplicably have an army and a space fleet.  You don't."

I have no idea.  Perhaps we are to assume that the Trade Federation has special permission to blockage trade, but not to invade, as that is illegal in the eyes of the Republic.  But again, you can draft any treaty to make anything legal, if just powers that be on the other side sign it.  But I guess in the Republic you can make an invasion legal, if the invaded part agrees that it is.

• Speaking of the army, who the fuck was this guy shooting at?

Can you use a better image service next time, that isn't incredibly slow and filled with shit?  I had to open another browser to look at it.

However, as Rick said; every frame is so dense, there are so many things going on.  So basically, it's George Lucas cluttering the frame up with shit.

• When Gunray is taunting the beardy guy, he says the Nabooians are starving and that the beardy guy will die first.  Beardy replies with something along the lines of, "We're a democracy, and the people have spoken."  Does this mean they are pro-starvation, anti-beardy guy, or both?

I don't think the bearded guy is anyone evil or a double agent.  I just think he is stupid.   If he is something special, the films never tell us, because he doesn't appear again in the other two films.  And if he does, he has very little relevance.

[Reply #142 on:]

I really want to see this guy's version of the prequel trilogy filmed and Lucas's version wiped from existence.

I support this rewriting of SW history.

With the recent inclination of Hollywood to go back and 'redo' movies (Spiderman, Robocop, Superman, etc)... you never know, it could happen.

Edit: I recant part of that. Remake it in England, for gawdsake.

[Reply #143 on:]

Third, what the heck was that glowing sphere?

It is never explained.

[Reply #144 on:]

StarWars Rebels teasers

[Reply #145 on:]

Started the second film.  I'm pleased to hear Natalie Portman's stroke victim voice has subsided.  As predicted, though, any character change she made in the first film dealing with peace through strength seems to have been reset.  She thinks having an army will cause a war?  Insofar as not fighting someone who's hitting you is not a fight, I guess that's true.  How the heck did she get elected queen more than once?  I'm beginning to think the Trade Federation should have wiped out all of the eloi fuckers and put in a puppet government of Gungans.

Speaking of the Gungans, I notice the new queen doesn't have any Gungan advisers.  Are we to assume that, with the exception of Jar-Jar, the Gungans took their shiny bead and went back to their reserved areas like some sort of Native Americans?  Naboo is supposed to be some sort of idyllic utopia.  Nobody deserves to be treated like a Native American.

Also, I noticed this a bit in the first movie, but the oedipal overtones of the burgeoning Annakin/Padme relationship being forced in my face are getting a bit creepy.  I can't tell if it's clumsily inserted characterization or clumsily hidden author fantasy, but it makes me want to retch.  I suspect it's the former, because I haven't heard Samuel L Jackson say "motherfucker" yet, which I presume is intentional to downplay the obviousness of the theme.

With as worthless as the last film and a half have made the Republic government out to be, I eagerly await A New Hope when the Emperor does away with all that nonsense.  I'm sick of the Jedi Council's shit too.

[Reply #146 on:]

the idea of electing a monarch sounds really stupid, especially a fourteen year old girl...I'd hate to see how shitty the other candidates must have been

[Reply #147 on:]

...I suspect it's the former, because I haven't heard Samuel L Jackson say "motherfucker" yet, which I presume is intentional to downplay the obviousness of the theme.

You slay me

DrT, watch them in the Machete Order
Having not done this myself I wonder if the guys order is any good.

Eh, isn't the best order to watch the original trilogy and then stop?

DrT has already exposed himself, it's too late! We can only use him as an experiment!
The Machete Order does ignore Episode I though, which is correct... maybe watch the end for the lighsaber duel and fast forward through the faffing about with the droid ships.

I'm going to recommend Machete Order to people who haven't seen it, then for them to watch Ep I with their kids as a bonus disc.

Third, what the heck was that glowing sphere?

It is never explained.

It's obviously a full-grown adult Midichlorian 

 

[Reply #148 on:]

You know what the worst part about the midichlorians is?  They use them to test Jake Lloyd on Tatooine but then the Jedi Council uses non-midichlorian testing to verify the findings.  Why not just have his Force strongwithness sensed by the Jedi in the first place?  Step aside, science.  This is a job for magic!

[Reply #149 on:]

You have a wonderful take on this, Dr T. I now wish I'd waited 1.4ish decades before watching the prequels.

[Reply #150 on:]

I think the biggest problem with midichlorians is it's trying to explain something that was a lot cooler left alone, kind of the answer to the question nobody asked, or as Hermes said, "That just raises further questions"

[Reply #151 on:]

Yes: big time fuckup on Lucas' part.

Has anyone here watched Star Wars Episode I -- the Phantom Edit?

[Reply #152 on:]

Actually, I just watched it yesterday.  Well, I saw the one on YouTube, which is missing the last 10 minutes.  It's okay but not hugely impressive.  Some of the treacle was cut, but I think more could be.  That was the most significant thing I took away from the Phantom Edit: how unimportant the things Annikan says and does actually are.  He's an adorable little ragamacguffin, not a real character.  Also, he's not adorable.

[Reply #153 on:]

Who is the protagonist in Episode I?

[Reply #154 on:]

Qui-Wan Skywalkadala Binks! (ughh), that dude with the what if video had a good one, Obi Wan should have been.

[Reply #155 on:]

Damn you, Faze!  I cried my eyes out when I watched that scene in Ep VI and now it's ruined.  *Ruined*.

:sob:

[Reply #156 on:]

Who is the protagonist in Episode I?

Not Annakin.  I've downgraded him from "character" to "prop".  The only place to go from there is "scenery".

What I'm finding really jarring about the films is how things will come out of nowhere and remind you of how weird things are.  It's not plot elements necessarily, but little things like Natalie Portman smiling at the end of the first one.  Maybe it's just Conrad Veidtian face she makes, but it's incredibly off-putting.  The same goes for things like camera angles.  Why go to a C-3POV when Jake Lloyd is saying goodbye?  Why suddenly focus on shadows when Anakin and Padme are on Tatooine?  It's not clever.  It's only symbolic if I'm meeting the director more than halfway.  And speaking of contractions, Obi-Wan's line when he's fooling the El Camino guys, "That's why I'm here," just sounds so weird after a movie and a half of him speaking with fully expanded words to people who pretty much do the same.

[Reply #157 on:]

Dont try doc ....

just dont try.. it will be quite better in your mind.. renember....there is only 3 movies

[Reply #158 on:]

I don't even feel like watching the last 10-20 minutes of the second movie, to be honest.  Maybe I just let my guard down after The Phantom Menace, but it I was taken aback by how terrible it is.

Foremost in the reprehensibility is Anakin.  Much like the last film, the character is at his best when he's not speaking or giving creepy sex looks.  The latter was not so much a problem with Jake Lloyd due to the merciful lack of creepy sex looks, though I'm sure if the script called for it, they would have been TERRIBLE.  Admittedly the writing isn't good, in fact it's awful, but this actor is an adult and should have known better.  He wasn't terrible in Jumper (nor was Samuel L Jackson), so I know he's got enough chops to not suck, and I don't believe George Lucas was clever enough to trick him into giving what he clearly realized was a terrible performance.

The terrible love story and the lack of chemistry between the actors have been talked about to death.  I will relate this anecdote, however.  I have been watching these movies while exercising on an elliptical machine.  Watching TV helps me block out how obnoxious exercise actually is.  After cuing up the DVD for a session, I had to set the timer on the exercise machine.  Now, I'm in the habit of going for 45 minutes, but when I saw how awful the interactions between Padme and Anakin were, I said aloud to myself, "I'm not going to be able to take much more than 30 minutes of this."

Also, the lightsaber fight in the arena...I haven't seen moves that awkward since the last time I saw an amateur YouTube video of a lightsaber fight.  Maybe it was intentional to show that the Jedi were too spoiled by peace and unprepared to fight, but it just looked bad.  Worse than a lightsaber fight against scores of saber-fodder should look.  Or perhaps it was to make the forthcoming Yoda fight seem better by comparison.

[Reply #159 on:]

You are forgetting the utterly retarded factory scene...

that slapped me in the face like a pair of lodges thrown at an AT-ST

Edit:

I just saw an extract from an interview with Ronald D Moore ... aparently he was involved in the now cancelled live action star wars series.. he recalls several meetings at SkyWalker ranch... but in particular he remembers once that he was talking with Lucas ..and he found himself talking Lucas and arguing about how Darth Vader would do or react to this or that and what and what not Vader would do and then Moore told to himself "Hey... stop this, who are you to talk Lucas about what Vader would do"

And this ladies and gentlemen is the problem with the prequels...

nobody told Lucas what he was doing...   i told this many times before .. but when doing TESB Lucas relied on Keshner (his teacher at the california university) who he wouldnt dare to lecture..and had Lawrence Kasdan to polish and correct the script... when doing ROTJ he relied in Richard Marquand (and is no secret that Marquand and Lucas had a lot of arguments and some fights about ROTJ) and Kasdan again .. Kasdan also had some arguments with Lucas about the scripts..

in the prequels Lucas did everything, writing, directing, producing.. and he did it with an army of asskissers arround telling how wonderfull and perfect everything was