Ebert Gave This Movie Reviews Thread 3 of 4 Stars!

[Reply #560 on:]

*Seattlejohn asks the admins to censor Frisco*

[Reply #561 on:]

the tale of Despereaux

A bad rip off of ratatouille and secrets of the nimh. Do not watch!

F-

The hills have eyes (remake)

It's a normal horror movie, nothing new here.

C

[Reply #562 on:]

Holy Water
A pretty bad Irish comedy movie about a small town heist of a Viagra shipment by 4 desperate friends looking for some cash.
It's like a long Father Ted episode with lots of feckin this and feck that, except not as funny or well written or acted.
Linda Hamilton and Tommy "Tiny" Lister show up as the American private security force to track the bandits forcing them to dump the Viagra down the local holy well, contaminating the towns water supply, so the whole film builds up to the whole town in confession for doing the nasty sinful business (small Irish town, stupid Catholicism).
There were one or two laughs but I wouldn't recommend it really.

D+

[Reply #563 on:]

That's a shame, you were looking forward to that one in the movie thread.

[Reply #564 on:]

Don't stalk me bro.

[Reply #565 on:]

Shrek Forever After

Better than the 3th one and not as good as 1 or 2. The IMAX on it was good, I had a few laughs.

C+

[Reply #566 on:]

Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time

I actually quite liked it. It was fairly well done. Lots of silly parts, but the portrayal of the dagger and its use was very cool.

B

[Reply #567 on:]

Repo Men

This may end up being my favorite movie of the year...absolutely FANTASTIC. I recommend it completely. Fucking intense.

A

[Reply #568 on:]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

I just caught this on cable.  I enjoyed the first 2 underworld films, due in part to gorgeous Kate Beckinsale.  However, this is not a sequel, it's a prequel.  The story primarily focuses on the characters of Lucian (the first new generation Lycan) and Sonja, the daughter of the reigning vampire Victor.  Rhona Mitra plays Sonja, and while she's a decent actress, she's not good enough to carry this story as a lead.  Given the first 2 films and the potential here, it was rather disappointing.

4/10

[Reply #569 on:]

Kick-Ass

Finally watched this. Wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. But you know what? I likey.

B+

[Reply #570 on:]

 Has anyone see the A-Team movie yet? What's it like?

[Reply #571 on:]

 Has anyone see the A-Team movie yet? What's it like?

Let's just say I love it when a film comes together.

[Reply #572 on:]

 Has anyone see the A-Team movie yet? What's it like?

Its a guilty pleasure for me.

Was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Still had some cringe worthy scenes though.

[Reply #573 on:]

Green Zone
Paul Greengrass and Matt Damon team up again before Bourne no. 4, written by Brian Helgeland (who has written some good stuff before)
Action thriller set in the Iraq War revolving around Chief Miller, part of a military unit trying to find the WMD sites that intel says is there, but soon discovers bupkus and all sorts of craziness starts happening.
Damon really carries the movie and it looked great in HD (grainy shots at night from the handicams and all). It's a good story too, but it didn't feel completely one-sided anti-military or anti-Iraq, and there's some cool fucking helicopters and chases.

A-

[Reply #574 on:]

The Hangover

Twas hilarious. I laughed a lot. And it was funny because he was fat.

A+

Zombieland

That'll do pig.

B+

[Reply #575 on:]

Repo Man

Emilio Estevez plays a psuedo punk societal reject who ends up working for a car reposession company.  They take back a car that apparently has a radioactive alien in the trunk & all hell breaks loose.  That's pretty much it.

4/10

[Reply #576 on:]

One-Sentence Reviews



The Wolfman

I'd call it the most uninteresting werewolf movie of all time, but I haven't seen New Moon (and I've heard horrible, spine-chilling things).


Kickass

Cute little girls slaughtering people and being brutally beaten used to be the exclusive purview of Japanese Hentai, but now everybody can benefit from such depravity!


Iron Man 2

While the first invoked a glowing sense of wonder, this instalment kept me on edge, not from excitement, but rather the sense that the whole thing is a thin veneer pinned to Downey Jr's charisma, and it's starting to tear.


Paranormal Activity

Apparently, to keep production costs down, the crew resorted to summoning an actual demon (uncredited) for some of the effects shots.


Law Abiding Citizen

Moral ambiguity reigns in this one, with the roles of protagonist and antagonist fluctuating and impossible to define, you find yourself rooting for everybody.


District 9

It just goes to show that awesome films can be made on a shoestring when you use unrecognisable no-name actors who, like the aliens, can be paid with cat food.


A Serious Man

I seriously don't get it.


9

Less of an incredible artistic romp and more of a pointless little nothing with no real story that might as well have been a Saturday morning cartoon.


Defendor

This was absolutely brilliant. Worthy of two sentences.

[Reply #577 on:]

I thought Paranormal Activity was very...

* Future Shock flips though dictionary.

IN-SCARY!!

Yes that went well

[Reply #578 on:]

I'd kind of like to hear what Coldy ACTUALLY thinks of the movies, instead of making some kind of joke :/

A Serious Man was absolutely brilliant

[Reply #579 on:]

But Books, the jokes are a smokescreen for the fact that he doesn't ACTUALLY think anything

Also, didn't you review half of those already, Coldy?
I liked 9. It was...dark.

[Reply #580 on:]

IN-SCARY!!

I'm ashamed to say I actually urinated a little when the thing dragged her up the hall.

I'd kind of like to hear what Coldy ACTUALLY thinks of the movies

COLDY LIKE MOVIES!

A Serious Man was absolutely brilliant

I don't understand what it was about. It seemed to just sort of... end. At an arbitrary point without any conclusion. And what was that prologue part meant to be about? It seemed completely unrelated to the rest of the movie. What was the point of any of it? Plus they said it was a comedy - which part was funny?

Maybe I just don't understand Jewish people.

Also, didn't you review half of those already, Coldy?

COLDY DON'T REMEMBER!

I liked 9. It was...dark.

Yeah, but that's all it was. I don't know why, but I was expecting something transcendent.

[Reply #581 on:]

It was one of the most beautiful endings I've ever seen, I love it to bits, I've rewatched just the ending probably 30 times

[Reply #582 on:]

Yeah, but that's all it was. I don't know why, but I was expecting something transcendent.

I wasn't expecting anything. I just watched it one day and it made my afternoon go by faster. Good enough for me. But I'm no film cricket.

[Reply #583 on:]

It was one of the most beautiful endings I've ever seen

Whaa? Seriously? Maybe my DVD had a glitch and skipped straight to the credits from a point midway through, because the film was at a point with no resolution to anything and an approaching tornado.

[Reply #584 on:]

Then look at an ending on the net and see if your DVD has teh prublems.

[Reply #585 on:]

Meh. It was boring anyway. Absolutely nothing happened.

[Reply #586 on:]

Some things did happen, he'd been a serious man all his life and as soon as he changes the guys grade in his class, BAM! Cancer and a tornado.
Shit happens no matter how good you are.

Also Richard Kind was great and the stoned kid at his bar mitzvah was great.

[Reply #587 on:]

I just searched that movie and read the blurbs on IMDB, since I'd never heard of it before. I had a lot of trouble understanding it until I re-read and realised it said 'rabbis' not 'rabbits'. That could have been embarrassing!

[Reply #588 on:]

IN-SCARY!!

I'm ashamed to say I actually urinated a little when the thing dragged her up the hall.

Wait, really? That movie actually scared you...at all?! It was one of the LEAST scary horror films I've ever seen in my life. The only part that could've been POTENTIALLY scary and jumpy, when she throws the guy at the camera all of a sudden at the very end, was completely ruined by the fact that they SHOWED IT IN THE COMMERCIALS FOR THE MOVIE.

Anyway:

Youth In Revolt

This movie is basically about a 16-year-old kid who falls so much in love that he develops split-personality disorder and basically goes insane. He purposely smashes a trailer into a restaurant and has it explode, causing a massive fire so he'll get kicked out of his house and have to move in with his divorced dad who lives closer to his girlfriend. Then he drugs his girlfriend with sleeping pills to get her expelled from the fancy boarding school she always wanted to go to so he could be with her. This all actually would have been interesting if at the end the guy had realized he was crazy, but instead guess what...he explains to his girlfriend that everything he did was because he loved her and wanted to be with her, and she forgives him and they have sex before he goes to juvie for 3 months, while she waits for him.

...WTF

Still, it was pretty funny, so I'll go with, eh...

C+

[Reply #589 on:]

I was going to watch that earlier but I chose She's Out Of My League instead, I don't think I could watch two of these rom-com type ones with an awkward male lead in a row, in this case Jay Baruchel, who is only ok.
So he meets Molly (Alice Eve, see hawt babes thread in Off Topic ) at his crappy job as one of those guys at luggage scans at airports and they end up going out much to his friends and families amusements and WTFs?
And in the standard formula everything's peachy and sunshine-puppy-shitting-rainbows for a while until he screws it up somehow and has to win her back just before the end, nothing unusual about the plot.
For me the best part of this was T. J. Miller who I've seen in a few small parts before (he spent most of the time supposedly behind the camera as Hud in Cloverfield), he's pretty funny as the weird friend "Stainer", so him and the bubbly Alice Eve are good, and the weird gayish friend.

B-

Oh yeah and I watched Unforgiven in HD afterwards because killing Clints friends will just make him madder and the last act of it is badassery of the highest order, great film!
I think I may have reviewed already but if I didn't it's an A+

[Reply #590 on:]

Agreed.  That act contains one of my favorite classic Clint comebacks:

Sheriff:  "You just shot an unarmed man!"
Willaim Muny:  "Well, he should have armed himself"

[Reply #591 on:]

Some things did happen, he'd been a serious man all his life and as soon as he changes the guys grade in his class, BAM! Cancer and a tornado.
Shit happens no matter how good you are.

How does "serious" = good?
Hitler was a fairly serious fellow.

[Reply #592 on:]

Heathers (1988)

Show spoiler

During the late eighties comedy-dramas set in American high schools were all the rage and 'Heathers' is amongst the best of these. Winona Ryder plays Veronica, a girl who doesn't really like her friends; three girls all called Heather who form the most popular/feared clique in their school. When she befriends JD, a student recently transferred to her school played by Christian Slater, she has no idea just how much it will change her life and that of her fellow students. After a visit to a college party with Heather Chandler goes horribly wrong and her reputation at school is threatened she tells JD that she wishes her friend was dead... She may not have been serious but he thinks it is a great idea and in the morning gives her a wake up drink that leaves her dead. Not wanting to go to gaol JD and Veronica write a suicide note. Veronica briefly hopes that the death of the lead Heather will have a positive effect on the school but nothing changes. After being persuaded to go on a double date with another Heather and two of the school football team Veronica finds herself victim of a rumour, spread by the boys, that she had performed sexual acts on them. The next morning she invites them to meet her in the woods to do it for real... by the time school starts two more students are dead in what looks like a suicide pact caused by their inability to admit their homosexuality to the world. Till this point Veronica goes along with JD but when she learns he plans to destroy the school along with everybody in it she decides it is time to stop him.

This is a great example of the high school film; it is very funny and very dark. Winona Ryder and Christian Slater to well in the two lead roles and are supported by a great cast including Shannen Doherty as Heather Duke and Glenn Shadix who is memorable despite his limited screen time as Father Ripper, the priest who performs some very different funeral services. The idea of a comedy about school children killing each other might not sound very funny but here it is handled in a way that works. There are of course some minor flaws, for example the coroner seemed very quick to accept that the deaths were suicide and nobody who knew the victims doubted it either, this is easy to over look though as the story stayed interesting and a degree of unbelievability is better than getting bogged down in explaining every detail of how they could have got away with murder. If you've enjoyed other '80s high school films and are looking for another which is both funny and dark then this is the film for you.

9/10

[Reply #593 on:]

How does "serious" = good?
Hitler was a fairly serious fellow.

You obviously haven't seen Hitlers Funniest Home Movies III!
Anyway, maybe "serious" in the films case doesn't mean good or maybe it's a Jewish (religion eh? I know how you love those guys! ) thing, more like a concept of taking care of your family and being good in the eyes of God and such, that's the way I understood it.

[Reply #594 on:]

Godzilla: Final Wars

I'm normally a big fan of giant monsters destroying cities, and Final Wars has plenty of that.  However, this movie left me kind of cold.  Call me crazy for saying this about a movie in a franchise rife with giant, nuclear monsters and aliens with goofy sunglasses, but this may be one of the most ridiculous Godzilla movie to date, the Roland Emmerich movie notwithstanding.  It's certainly the most ridiculous of the Millennium-series.

In the near-yet-distant future humanity has defeated all the giant monsters that plague the world.  Only Godzilla, who is trapped in Antarctic ice, remains.  Suddenly, the monsters reappear!  Even more suddenly, the disappear.  Then the EPCOT Center lands in Tokyo and the aliens therein promise peace, love, and a giant asteroid heading toward Earth.  The aliens turn out to be evil and turn the monsters loose on humanity to blah blah blah.  Godzilla saves Earth from the monsters.  A super-mutant human saves Earth from the aliens.  Godzilla saves humanity from Godzilla.  The end.

The movie was plagued by overly long kung fu sequences and obnoxious industrial and electric guitar music.  While the cast of monsters is impressively large, it unfortunately includes Godzilla Junior.  There are a number of superfluous elements that I'm sure were meant to sophisticate the fairly basic plot recalled from previous films.

While it's worse than Godzilla 2000 it's better than the 1998 American bowl of turds.  Come to think of it, an actual bowl of turds would be better than that.

[Reply #595 on:]

   Shrek Forever After

   Better than the 3th one and not as good as 1 or 2. The IMAX on it was good, I had a few laughs.

   C+

I concur.

Though if ogres are supposed to like the sorts of things that humans find disgusting then how come Shrek reacts badly to the smell of his baby's soiled diaper?

[Reply #596 on:]

maybe "serious" in the films case doesn't mean good or maybe it's a Jewish (religion eh? I know how you love those guys! ) thing, more like a concept of taking care of your family and being good in the eyes of God and such, that's the way I understood it.

In any event, I still disliked the movie on account of it being drab and uneventful.

And again, what was the point of that prologue sequence?

[Reply #597 on:]

The Lives of Others

wtf, why is the 50th on IMDB, this was boring, nothing happened, it was boring and poltical and blah blah, 50!?

[Reply #598 on:]

Doesn't the title alone ring alarm bells in your head that it's not going to be a very interesting film?

[Reply #599 on:]

And again, what was the point of that prologue sequence?

I'm sure it was a metaphor or a folk tale or something relevant to whatever the Coens were on about, feck knows.