Dr. Movie Reviews; Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Jason Isaacs

[Reply #600 on:]

Role Models

Eh, it wasn't particularly funny or anything--and it wound up being pretty formulaic--but I kind of have a crush on Paul Rudd, so that made it seem worthwhile. Jane Lynch pretty much made the movie for me, though; she offered a few isolated moments of hilarity.

C+

[Reply #601 on:]

Nah, the books are even worse than the movies.

You can't say that, you haven't even read them.

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

[Reply #602 on:]

Jane Lynch made the movie for everyone, not just you. Don't try to BS a BS'er.

[Reply #603 on:]

Gamer
Silly (people controlling other people to play vidya games!), violent (rag doll body part assplosions!), flashy (ow my epilepsy!), fast-edity (Michael Bay eat your heart out), trash, but worth it to see Michael C. Hall (Dexter) dance the hoochie coo. Well, barely worth it.

C-

[Reply #604 on:]

Nah, the books are even worse than the movies.

You can't say that, you haven't even read them.

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

My point still remains valid.

[Reply #605 on:]

THINGS!

@Faze. Yay, you finally saw A Film With Me In It. It was pretty dark hey? Mind you once the seventeenth person had died it started to look up.

@Bianca, the first one was terribly directed and acted. The only thing this movie had going for it was a good soundtrack.

@Gorky, BAH! It's so worth more than a C+, It was awesome to the max extreme.

[Reply #606 on:]

Hojew and I are gonna go see the shit out of Old Dogs. Anyone wanna come?

[Reply #607 on:]

No you!

[Reply #608 on:]

@Faze. Yay, you finally saw A Film With Me In It.

Yeah no thanks to you jerk!

[Reply #609 on:]

Are you sure about that?

*Chimes play as Faze turns around to see the DVD/Download with Chay's name on it and then turns back around and he is GONE!*

[Reply #610 on:]

Nah, the books are even worse than the movies.

You can't say that, you haven't even read them.

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

My point still remains valid.

So, Bianca, are you a Twilight fan or no?

[Reply #611 on:]

Like most 14 year old fan girls who have turned 15 and realised that Robert Pattinson is not Edward Cullen in real life, she's not a fan of the movies but is still a fan of the books.

[Reply #612 on:]

What, are you her publicist?  Let Bianca speak her mind; don't censor her, man! 

[Reply #613 on:]

Bianca will not be taking any further questions. Thank you and good night.

[Reply #614 on:]

What, are you her publicist?  Let Bianca speak her mind; don't censor her, man! 

I was pretty much just saying what she already said on page... 15 or some such.

[Reply #615 on:]

Ok, now, some of you may remember last year when twilight the movie first came out, I was quite obviously obsessed with it. Now I am not obsessed, I'm not one of those people who will put you on my death list if you insult twilight anymore. I still think the books were great, and I will still watch the movies, I'm just not obsessed. Are we clear?

[Reply #616 on:]

But you still shouldn't think either of those things.

[Reply #617 on:]

Ok, back on topic.

The Man In The Iron Mask
Leonardo DiCaprio version.  I'll make this one short.  This is based on the book by Alexandre Dumas about the French Monarchy & the 3 Musketeers.  Yet, the only main actor in this film who has a French accent is Gerard Depardieu; most of the main actors have American & British Accents.  Typical hollywood BS.  Visually beautiful but somewhat boring & dull; a disappointment.  

2/10

[Reply #618 on:]

I still think the books were great.

Cool nickname, but ouch for him...

[Reply #619 on:]

Now that we've mentioned Alexander Dumas pere. One of the better adaptations has to be.

The Count of Monte Cristo.

Jim Caviezel (Jesus) plays Edmund Dante, wrongly imprisoned in a nearly inescapable fortress, Driven for thirteen long years in a quest for revenge against Guy Pearce's Fernand Mondego.
Just as handsomely costumed as the above Iron Mask. But brought to greatness by the acting prowess of Caviezel. In his greatest role he manages to convey the grace of innocence with a an underlying thirst for revenge.


8/10

[Reply #620 on:]

Edmond Dantès, srsly, don't get on his bad side.
Just finished the book last night, film is totally different but still good.

[Reply #621 on:]

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

… is the latest CG film to hit town so off I go. I didn't know what to expect, having not read (or even heard of) the book but I really liked it. However there was something at the back of my mind that's only just stopped nagging at me.

The hero (Flint Lockwood)

(he's the one on the left, btw)

reminded me of someone but for most of the day I couldn't recall who, until now…

Show spoiler

Guy Smiley, of course!

Now I can rest easy and get some sleep (so I can go back and see it again tomorrow!)
 

[Reply #622 on:]

9 - 7.5/10

Orgazmo - 6/10

Star Wars Eisode I: The Phantom Menace - 5.5/10

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones - 7/10

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - 8/10

Ocean's Elevenn - 7.5/10

Ocean's Twelve - 6/10

Ocean's Thirteen - 7/10

Apocalypse Now - 9.5/10

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - 7.5/10

The Patriot - 7/10

Zombieland - 7/10

Space Jam - 6.5/10

Død Snø - 5.5/10

Shrek - 8/10

Shrek 2 - 7.5/10

Shrek the Third - 6/10

Saving Private Ryan - 9/10

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - 7/10

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me - 6.5/10

Austin Powers in Goldmember - 6/10

Madagascar - 6.5/10

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - 7/10

Dawn of the Dead (2004) - 6.5/10

Cars - 7.5/10

Finding Nemo - 8.5/10

Charlie's Angels - 5.5/10

[Reply #623 on:]

Now that we've mentioned Alexander Dumas pere. One of the better adaptations has to be.

The Count of Monte Cristo.

Jim Caviezel (Jesus) plays Edmund Dante, wrongly imprisoned in a nearly inescapable fortress, Driven for thirteen long years in a quest for revenge against Guy Pearce's Fernand Mondego.
Just as handsomely costumed as the above Iron Mask. But brought to greatness by the acting prowess of Caviezel. In his greatest role he manages to convey the grace of innocence with a an underlying thirst for revenge.


8/10

Absolutely agree on this one.  This is my favorite film version; Jim Caviezel not only pulls off a young and older Dantes easily, but he shows the character's values changing as he grows.  My only beef with the film is the ending, which seemed a little tacked on (it's artistic license from the book, which is different), but that's a minor point.  Great film.

[Reply #624 on:]

There are plenty of instances of artistic license being taken with source material. Take Golden Compass, as I have mentioned on another thread. The movie ended completely differently from the book. But I don't think Hollywood would have made a film depicting the death of a child. Especially to open a staircase to Heaven.

[Reply #625 on:]

Friggin' Hollywood soft cocks.

[Reply #626 on:]

Benderr: Ah c'mon, bold film titles and scores out of ten aren't reviews! I know none of us are professional film critics but that's just lazy!

A Serious Man
A lot more Jewish than I was expecting!
So the lead guy Larry Gopnick (Michael Stuhlbarg, excellent) is a quiet Jewish family man in the mid 1960's, but in inevitable Cohen bros style all sorts of crazy stuff is happening around him, his son is getting Bar Mitzvah'd soon and secretly smoking pot, his wife wants a divorce and to marry an older guy, he's being bribed and blackmailed by one of his students and his brother is just weird.

Cohens make another great slow burner (not as slow as Broken Flowers for example), very dark, hilarious and tense at times and has great characters throughout.

B+

[Reply #627 on:]

i watched nearly 30 movies in a week... surely i have no time to actually write reviews

[Reply #628 on:]

Of course you can! And stop calling me Shirley.

[Reply #629 on:]

well, i'm also too lazy, shirley-shift... or is it faze-shirley?

[Reply #630 on:]

Offside (2006)

On the face of it a film about women wanting to see a football match wouldn't appeal much to somebody with little interest in football such as myself however this isn't about football it is about discrimination and the women's enthusiasm for the sport they love.

The film opens on the day of a crucial World Cup qualifying match between Iran and Bahrain, a girl is trying to get in to Tehran's Azadi Stadium by dressing like a boy, it looks like she will get in until a soldier tries to search her. Once caught she is taken to a small enclosure high up on the outside of the stadium where there are a handful of women who had already been caught, here they are guarded by a small group of conscript soldiers who's leader would rather be back home tending his livestock. We never learn the character's names but we get to know them as people as the girls plead with the guards to let them watch though a nearby gap in the wall and when refused try to get them to at least provide a commentary.

As well as making an important point about the rigid gender segregation in much of present day Iran the film contains many hilarious moments such as the "disguise" one of the girls is made to wear when going to the toilet and the girl who disguised herself as a soldier and was only caught because she chose to watch the match from a seat reserved for a senior officer. The girls enthusiasm for the game is such that by the end the viewer is likely to be on the edge of their seat hoping that Iran will win and thus get to go to the finals in Germany. The soldiers aren't shown as fundamentalists, they are just conscripts who are there because they have to be and when explaining to the girls why woman can't watch men's sports don't seem that convinced by their own arguments.

It is a shame that this film can't be seen in Iran itself but it is good that the wider world can see it and thus see that ordinary Iranians aren't a bunch of fanatics desperate to wage war on the west but normal people with the same passions and concerns as people everywhere. The cast did a great job in making their characters seem like real people rather than mere caricatures.

9/10

[Reply #631 on:]

   Tonight! Smuggled 200ml bottles of Jagermeister and apricot brandy into the theater to watch The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Bliss.

How was it? (The movie, that is.)

[Reply #632 on:]

Knocked Up

So they've been showing this movie on TV a lot lately, and circumstances beyond my control have always torn me away from the television after about the hour mark. Today, though, I finally saw the movie from start to finish, and here's the thing: I think I've been tuning out at just the right time. Don't get me wrong--this movie is hysterical. I just feel like, once Alison and Ben break up, the pacing is shot and the rest of the movie kind of meanders. Ben and Pete go to Vegas, Alison mopes around, and then Ben does the obvious, see-it-coming-from-an-hour-and-a-half-away thing and straightens up for his woman. There are some isolated moments of brilliance (I love the sequence with the gazillion pregnancy tests, and the I'm-freaked-out-about-crushing-the-baby sex scene, and I think that all of the dialogue between Debbie and Alison is pretty hysterical), but the last half-hour or so really fails to capture my interest in the same way that the first 60 minutes does.

So, yeah--it's a fantastic, A-worthy movie for about 75% of its runtime. The kinda-shitty ending brings it down slightly, though.

B+

[Reply #633 on:]

Blue Hawaii

In the pantheon of cheesy movies, this one has a permanent place at the top.  Starring Elvis Presley, it's the story of a privileged young man who returns from Army service to live in the Hawaiian Islands.  Except, he wants to live "Wiki Wiki" style (which means as a native hawaiian, in a grass shack on the beach), not in the mansion of his ultra rich & conservative family.  There's blessed little plot to this one; this film is basically a vehicle for Elvis to sing 6-7 songs (as all Elvis films seemed to be).  About the only redeeming feature is film footage of what Honolulu looked like back in the early 60's, and that's not much.  Save your money & maybe see it if it ever comes to cable.

2/10

[Reply #634 on:]

The Fantastic Mr. Fox - I very much enjoyed this movie. I want a bandit hat with stars on it now. A+

Blade Runner - I found it really slow actually. It was interesting and weird as hell just slow. Especially when Deckard and Roy are in the Bradbury building, that dragged. - B

Singing in the Rain - With the exception of that really random ballet scene this was a wonderful movie. I love musicals. B+

[Reply #635 on:]

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

I liked it just as much as Up, which is really good.

[Reply #636 on:]

Blade Runner - I found it really slow actually.

It found YOU really slow.

Blade Runner basically created Neo-Noir, and has influenced everything from anime to the Battlestar Galactica re-imagining since.

Kneel in the presence of greatness, you filth!

[Reply #637 on:]

Blade Runner - I found it really slow actually.

It found YOU really slow.

Blade Runner basically created Neo-Noir, and has influenced everything from anime to the Battlestar Galactica re-imagining since.

Kneel in the presence of greatness, you filth!

I don't care what it created, if it's boring, it's boring.  I watched it again for the 2nd time at a friend's house a couple of month's ago.  It's still boring the 2nd time around.   

There was no kneeling, but there was definite potential for sleeping!

[Reply #638 on:]

[cough]Philistines![/cough]

[Reply #639 on:]

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

I liked it just as much as Up, which is really good.

I find it rather boring