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Otis P Jivefunk
DOOP Secretary
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Disney films always end happily, the majority romanticly too.
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Otis P Jivefunk
DOOP Secretary
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Originally posted by Chump: The female heroine(s) in Disney movies all just happen to have extremely large breasts. (Am I the only one to notice this?) Yeh I noticed that too, especially the Disney films from the late 80s and the 90s. Is it just me or is that female from Hercules sexy?
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Nixorbo
UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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Enemy soldiers are always storm troopers - aka couldn't hit the broad side of a barn
Infinite ammo cheats are always on, and one-hit kills are in effect
Even a gun shot in a non-vital area will kill you
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Ninaka
commandant cleavage
DOOP Secretary
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If something is inexplainable, it must be a mysterious act of a godly being.
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Mitsui
Starship Captain
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I got this of another msge board I used to visit:
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
After making love, women always pull the bed sheet tightly up to the neck to prevent the person they have only seconds before made love to, seeing them naked.
When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.
The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
The Statue Of Liberty can be seen from any window in New York.
Every English person lives in London.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Once applied, lipstick and mascara will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors, and you will be an expert in their chosen martial art even though you have never done it before.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Good guys are rarely shot. But if they are, they are never shot in the head. This of course, allows them to survive every time.
Cars automatically explode every time they crash
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Kill All Humans
Crustacean
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What happens in all James Bond movies when Bond is finally cought? The bad guy has to make some kind of time-spending death mechanism to kill him. Why not just shoot him in the head right there right then??
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Just Chris
Urban Legend
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If the villain wounds the hero in his sword arm, one of three things will happen: hero becomes ambidextrous and fights with sword in other hand; hero finds something else to defend himself with (tapestry, chain, Mossberg 12-gauge) that can be used with the other hand; hero's girlfriend/sidekick comes up behind villain and impales him, thus saving hero.
The White House press secretary has a listed phone number.
No child can ever be killed...even if they're electrocuted on a high-voltage electric fence that could kill a dinosaur (Jurassic Park)
Two total strangers, upon falling into bed together, will always reach an incredibly intense, mutual, and SIMULTANEOUS orgasm on the first try.
Laser beams are visible in vacuum. (space!)
You can always tell which nationality the United States and the popular media are currently most unhappy with because that nation sends all their villains to star in Hollywood movies during those times (e.g. Germans in the late 40's and 50's, Asians in the 60's and 70's, Soviets in the 70's and 80's and Middle Easterners in the 90's).
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Teral
Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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No matter how badly wounded a good guy is, there is always time for a few, very emotional, dying words. If two totally opposite police officers is paired together, they will actually form a very good team. No matter how highly evolved the enemy's technology is, the good guys will always have a matching tool that can disable their most vital systems. Or a fatal computer virus.
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FishyJoe
Honorary German
Urban Legend
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You can tell you are in a weird fantasy world when the people have English accents. Haha, yeah. Kids are always outsmart the adults, even though they are stupid and ugly and should have been killed in the first five minutes. Main character is given a useless item which gets stored it away in his breast pocket. Later he gets shot in the heart, but said item stops the bullet and everybody is alive and happy. Guy almost has sex with a cat/dog/chimp/fish thinking it's his wife or girlfriend.
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Drippy_taco
Professor
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I think it would be more accurate to say "All teen movies have the exact same plot". Insofar as they're sappy, unrealistic, loaded with stereotypes and all-around lame.
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Nixorbo
UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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People with English accents are either:
A) Incredibly wealthy, or B) Incredibly evil
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