Probably Already Done thread

[on:]

Favorite Branniganism anyone?

[Reply #1 on:]

He has too many great lines for a favourite to be called, but I like these:
Kif: Sir, they're coming straight for us.
Zapp: Ah, a well calculated move. Straight out of Sun Sui's classic text "The art of War". Or my own masterwork: Zapp Brannigans Big Book of War. But the one thing their Captain's doesn't realize, and never will, is that -
Kif: Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard.

Kif: Yes, Captain?
Zapp: I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Zapp:Captains journal. Stardate, uuhh..
Kif: Ugh. April Thirteenth.
Zapp: April Thirteenth. Point 2.
Zapp: We have failed to uphold Brannigans Law, however I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?(Pause) Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Zapp: Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have divised it. On my command, all ships will line up and fly directly into the alien death cannon - clogging it with wreckage!

Kif: Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.
Zapp: Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks! Gimme that!(Walks away, eating the chocolate)

Zapp: Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on ten dates.
Leela: How about zero?
Zapp: Nine!
Leela: Zero.
Zapp: Seven!
Leela: Zero.
Zapp: Eight?
Amy: Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me.
Zapp: Five, and that's my final offer. Four.

[Reply #2 on:]

"you forgot one thing. rock crushes scissors. but paper covers rock. and scissors cuts paper! kif, we have a cunumdrum[sp?},"
and probbably my fave    :
zapp: what the hell is that thing?!
kif: it appears to be the mothership
zapp: then what did we just blow up?
kif the hubble telescope

[Reply #3 on:]

Zapp: You win again, gravity!

Zapps song:
Zapp:I met her in a club, down in Old Soho. We drank champagne and it tasted just like coca-cola. C-O-L-A. Cola.
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance. I asked her her name, and in a dark brown voice she said 'Leela'. L-E-E-L-A! Leela! Lee-Lee-Lee-Leela! Ba-ba-ba-bum diddy-de-de-de-de-de-de-do! Leela! Da-da-da-ba-bum!
 

[Reply #4 on:]

Worst thread title ever!

Still one of the all-time best Kif/Zapper exchanges:

Zapp Brannigan: "I'm facing a formidable female adversary Kif. Sugestions?"
Kif Kroker: "I fail to see any problems, sir. You've already imprisoned her under directive b10.81."
Zapp Brannigan: "You mean "Brannigan's Law"."
Kif Kroker: "Right, that law."
Zapp Brannigan: (slyly)"Which one?"
Kif Kroker: (in a very tired voice) "Brannigan's Law."
Zapp Brannigan: "Kif. You're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once more. As my protegé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her."
Kif Kroker: "Ohhh."
Zapp Brannigan: "And this time we're sure she's a woman, right?"
Kif Kroker: (In a even more tired voice) "Yes!"
Zapp Brannigan: "Good! Invite her to my quarters. Oh and have the boy lay out my formal shorts."
Kif Kroker: "The boy, sir?"
Zapp Brannigan: "You! You lay out my formal shorts."

It really sums up their "freindship".

Some other Zapp-gems:

Nixon: “Planet Spheron 1.”
Fry: ”Cool effect!”
Brannigan: “It’s a desolate ugly little planet, with absolutely no natural resources, or strategic value. Questions?”
Soldier: “Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?”
Brannigan: “Don’t ask me, you’re the one who is going to be dying.”

Fry: Uhh, just so we know: who‘s the enemy?”
Brannigan: “A valid question. We know nothing about their language,  their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks!”

Kif: “That new recruit is phenomenal sir.”
Brannigan: “Yes, he edged out my old mark by 2 seconds..(Kif stares at him)..and 16 minutes..(Kif glances sideways)..and 12 hours..(Kif rolls his eyes)..I do plan to finish some day Kif!”

Brannigan: "You know Kif, once my woman returns I wont have much time to hang out with the boys anymore."
Kif: "That's a shame, Sir."
Brannigan: "So let's make the most of our time together, shall we? (Silence follows) Err, never mind. Just give me a back rub."
(Kif gives up)

Brannigan: "So, crawling back to "The Big Z", like a bird on it's belly. Delicious!"
Leela: "Birds don't crawl!"
brannigan: "They've been known to."

Zapp:We've failed to uphold Brannigan's Law, however I did make it with a hot alien babe, and in the end is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question!"
Kif: (Sigh]

[Reply #5 on:]

Well, you've forgoten

 "Woopsie daisy"!

[Reply #6 on:]

 Woooo! "Worst thread title ever!" Recognition!
The scene from 'Brannigan Begin Again' were he turns up that the PE building is funny.
 Nonverbal funny bit: Zapp pimping Kif to Hattie

[Reply #7 on:]

Well, it's really not very descriptive of the thread-topic. Although it did make me curious.

[Reply #8 on:]

how come no one's mentioned:
Zapp: If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate.
Kif: *sigh*
or better yet:
Zapp: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

[Reply #9 on:]

you just did.

[Reply #10 on:]

This is the only branniganism that made me laugh so badly that I almost fell off my chair:

(S03E02 - War is the H-Word)

Zapp: And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!
(activates the trap-door and the entire platoon falls to the planet's surface)

I think of it as the best branniganism ever.

[Reply #11 on:]

Favorite edited Zapp line:
Hmm, looks like i'll have to sleep my way to the top. Kif, wake me when i'm there.

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by Zeep:
how come no one's mentioned:
Zapp: If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate.

Yeah, thats my favorite one, too.

Every time i see that episode, i play it 2-3 times

[Reply #13 on:]

Zapp: Well, looks like there's nothing to do but repopulate the human race. (To Leela) Just me and you.
(whispers to Amy) And maybe you.

Zapp: Remember, our mission is simple. Destroy all aliens!
Kif: Um, not me sir.
Zapp: Oh, yes, right. Nobody destroy Kif. (shifty) Unless you have to.

And I loved the way he said:
Zapp: Stop exploding you cowards! 

[Reply #14 on:]

Zapp: Comets, yes. The icebergs of the sky. By zooming by them at breakneck speed, we might just get some sort of power boost....or something
and I just loooovvveeee;
Zapp: Kif, I feel the captains itch.
Kif: I`ll get the powder.

[Reply #15 on:]

I feel crippled by the lack of the search feature.

[Reply #16 on:]

Favorite Zapp quotes

[Reply #17 on:]

Zapp: that course is for school girls kif...now heres one with some chest hair.